David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 198

I Found The Schoolgirl That Jeff Waters Is As Innocent As

I found the schoolgirl that Jeff Waters is as innocent as!

For those who haven’t already heard, Jeff Waters is in trouble for attempting to cash a 368 billion dollar check. He wanted to use the money to start and Italian restaurant that was: “80 million sq. feet and able to accommodated��(sic)��30 million eaters at once, plus it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate.” ��According to Waters, a homeless man named��Tito Watts sold him the check for $100 and told him he could write it for any amount Waters wanted. Waters was found with throwing stars and bath salts when arrested.

Most importantly for this post, Waters insisted he was “I���m as innocent as a schoolgirl” as part of blaming Tito for the whole mess. Hard as that might be to believe, I finally found a schoolgirl that could make his statement work. Here is the schoolgirl that Waters is as innocent as:

Cereal Problems

You know what I hate? Getting my hands messy trying to shove cereal down into the milk without spilling any over the sides. I will explain.

When I have cereal, I want all of that cereal to have absorbed enough milk to not be dry, yet not so much that it’s soggy.

I hate dry bites of cereal.

People are probably supposed to use a spoon to shove the cereal down into the milk. However, the dry cereal floating on top of the milk always moves in a mass and when you push down with a spoon, spills over the side.

I hate cereal spilling over the side.

So what do I do? I cup my hands over the top so that all the cereal is covered and shove down. This wets all the cereal without spilling any, but also gets milk (and dissolved sugar from the cereal) onto my hands.

I hate getting my hands messy when trying to eat cereal.

Is this a big problem? No, though it’s irritating. Do I think any one cares? No, not in the slightest. However, this was the only thing I could think of today to talk about.

I also hate not having an idea for a blog post.

Did I Mention That I Hate Moving?

Did I mention that I hate moving? I think I did. I think I mentioned it several times. But, just in case I missed it, I hate moving.

I hate any kind of moving. Though it’s less effort at any given time, I hate having a move stretched out over several months due to odd circumstances. I’m in that right now, and I hate it. I hate it still.

I hate moving. Just wanted to make sure that was clear.

Here Are Five Tips That Won’t Help With Anything

The number of # “tips to help you with” articles popping up these days are getting annoying. As such, here are five tips that won’t help you with anything:

– Beef tips

– The southernmost tip of Africa

– A restaurant tip

– A felt tip

– A turbo inlet pipe (acronym “TIP”)

Most of these lists are just time wasters. At least this list admits that unreservedly.

 

 

Shouldn’t May 5 Be Dark Side Day?

I’m sure we all know that May 4th is known as Star Wars day. If you don’t know, then you probably don’t care and can probably stop reading this post. For those that are still reading, shouldn’t May 5th then be Dark Side day?

After all, May 4 is Star Wars day because “May the fourth” sounds like “May the force” if you lisp ��little. However, if you’re lisping already…doesn’t “May the fifth” sound like “May the Sith?”

I think so.

Thus, May 5th should be Dark Side day. If May 4th is Star Wars day, then I think this is only fair. Equal time and all that.

Granted, some people might suggest that we shouldn’t celebrate the Dark Side. However, given that both are fictional aspects of a series of movies, I think any moral judgment is ridiculous. We should be able to celebrate Dark Side day if we want to.

I’m Just Going To Leave These Here Today

I made a side joke yesterday that I realized some people might not get, unfortunately fewer people all the time. I happened to use the word ‘chalice,’ and immediately thought from the palace. Of course, I typed it.

Anyway, as such I’m just going to leave these here:

Other Things Kermit Elementary School Should Make Sure Aiden Steward Doesn’t Bring To School

You might not believe this, but people have actually been giving Kermit Elementary School in Texas flack for suspending Aiden Steward over bringing a toy��Lord of the Rings ring to school. I mean, could they take a chance it wasn’t the real one? I don’t think so. In fact, I think Kermit should be watching out for Aiden to bring in these other things:

– A small silver sphere:

– A chalice (whether or not from the palace):

– A satchel:

– A thermal detonator:

– A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter (albeit rare, since most lasers emit light as opposed to anti-matter):

Can’t take any chances with this kid. He’s trouble.

I Don’t Really Feel Like Doing A Blog Post Today

I don’t really feel like doing a blog post today. As such, I’m not going to do one. You can’t make me, so live with it.

Oh wait…this post about not wanting to do a post is a post.

Crap.

What The Heck Is Neuroleadership?

I keep seeing these ads for a respected business school in my area that mention how people can focus in “neuroleadership.” I don’t know what the heck it is, but it sounds like bullcrap.

I looked up the word, but I’m not sure that helped any. It still kind of sounded like bullcrap, or possibly a legitimate area of study wrapped up so heavily in buzzwords that it’s indistinguishable from bullcrap.

You know what it made me think of? I imagined micromanagement on an entirely unheard of scale: direct micromanagement of neurons.��More sodium! Less potasium! Transmit that signal down the axon! I could actually imagine someone wanting to do that, management thorugh direct brain control.

I’m sure that’s not what it is (I didn’t really feel like even looking that hard at the page I linked to above). I’m sure it’s something trying to make management more scientific by linking management concepts to neuroscience principles.

Still, it sounds like bullcrap.

I’m Actually Working On A Nonfiction Essay

Well, I’m actually working on a nonfiction essay. I rarely do that. I’m much more comfortable in fiction. Even in cases where I’m working with something from real life, I almost always fictionalize extensively. It’s what I do.

However, Unknown Press put out a call for nonfiction essays/stories relating to the baffling, bizarre, and so forth:

I dig Unknown Press��and loved the last anthology of theirs I was in (Too Much: Tales of Excess). It’s enough to actually get me working on a nonfiction essay.

Took me a while to come up with something, but I’m rolling now, though. Luckily, they’ve extended submissions until May 31, 2015. I’m not sure I would have made April 30. Nonfiction takes me a while.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. Let’s hope they dig what I come up with.