David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 202

I Think Of “The Simpsons” Every Time I See Something About The Arsenic Wine

Everything makes me think of��The Simpsons. Have you been seeing those articles talking about the lawsuit over arsenic levels in wines? I don’t know if they’re true or not, and I don’t drink anymore anyway, so I’m not too concerned. However, I do think of��The Simpsons��each and every time I see one.

Don’t you remember “The Crepes of Wrath” episode?��That’s the one where Bart goes to France as an exchange student, only to be paired with low budget winemakers who plan to use him as a slave and put anti-freeze in their wine.

Now, arsenic and anti-freeze are completely different things and are in the respective wines for completely different reasons, but can’t you see how my brain might determine there’s a link? I see it…do you see it?

The universe is always making Simpsons references.

My Wife Didn’t Understand She Was Joking

I was bored for a moment the other night because the book I was reading was wearing on me a bit, so I was bugging my wife for conversation. She was busy trying to read something at the time, so she got a little irritated. “All right,” she said. “We can talk about which kind of slats we want for the bed we’re going to get from IKEA for the spare bedroom.” She knew I didn’t want to talk about that and was just being facetious to drive me off so I’d leave her alone.

It worked.

I went and found something else to do. However, when I returned a little while later, she began presenting the various slat options (there must have been at least two, but I’m not clear on this or what they were). Apparently, she’d switched from messing with me��to actually wanting to talk to me about it.

“You don’t seem to understand,” I replied, “you were joking.”

Zayn Malik has left One Direction????!!!!!!

Zayn Malik has left One Direction???!!! When did this happen? Why? How did I not know about this? Is no one doing anything about it?

Wait a minute…who is��Zayn Malik? For that matter…what the heck is One Direction?

That’s right, I almost forgot: I have no idea. I also don’t care. Whew! That was a close one.

I Had To Apologize To My Wife Because I Missed The Difference Between Chicken

I had to apologize to my wife recently because I apparently don’t know the difference between chicken. It was my fault and I was sincerely sorry.

We’d recently bought some Evol frozen dinners. I saw one in the freezer the other night and made it. When my wife saw me, she was a bit upset. Apparently, I’d bought the Evol chicken tikka masala dinner. What I’d made, however, was the Evol chicken tandori dinner…one she’d bought. She didn’t like the Evol chicken tikka masala (which I’d left available for her to eat) and did like the Evol chicken tandori (which I’d used up).

I didn’t even notice the difference. I saw “Evol” and “chicken” in the freezer upstairs (turns out mine had gotten put in the deep freeze way down in the basement) and grabbed it, thinking it was mine.

Frankly, the chicken tandori was better.

Regardless, I still owed her an apology (and gave it) since I’d eaten her frozen dinner and left in its place one she wouldn’t eat. I think we should just buy the tandori from now on and leave the chicken masala at the store.

The Relevance Of My Facebook News Feed Is Not Constant

I just wanted to tell everybody, the relevance of items of my Facebook news feed is not constant. If I have lots of time and have scrolled through recently, many things are going to be relevant. However, if I am rushed and have a ton to scroll through (particularly while feeling rushed), relevance goes down. I will quickly scroll by things I would otherwise have paid attention to.

Why can’t Facebook account for that?

Anyway, I just wanted my Facebook people to know that, since this phenomenon can cause me to miss seeing updates when I’m rushed that I would otherwise see when not rushed. ��People may note that I’m posting this to my blog instead of Facebook. That’s so I can consider my Facebook friends notified but run less risk of getting complained at for the fact that I do this.

Everyone can consider themselves notified.

I’m Going To Stop Bugging People To Vote “Hollidays Gone Wrong” Story Of The Month

Well,��“Hollidays Gone Wrong”��is now in fourth place over at Bartleby Snopes and needs well over double the votes��it has already just to catch up.��My sincerest apprecation to all the cool people who��voted, but I think it’s time for me to stop bugging people.

I think the story is just too far behind in the vote��at this point for my bugging people to be effective. I’d just make people angry while trying to get a few more votes. Short of somebody famous like George Takei taking notice of this and stumping for it themselves in a really short amount of time, I think “Hollidays Gone Wrong”��is out of the running.

Again, lot of cool people��voted, but there’s just so many votes this time that I think my chances are done (which is cool since all the stories this month are definitely good and it’s cool to see people so involved). I think it’s time I stopped campaigning and let everyone get on with their lives undisturbed from now on.

Of course, I say this while I’m this far behind. If I got close again I might feel compelled to start stumping again for votes. If it’s not close though, I’ll keep my mouth shut from here on out.

Handicapped Traffic Must Turn Left

I was out driving the other day when I saw this street sign:

Clearly, it means that handicapped traffic must turn left (look carefully at the yellow sign at the top left).

I don’t agree with this at all. Why do the handicapped have to turn left and no one else? Do they mean that the road ahead ��isn’t fit for mobility apparatuses and so people using one need to exit? If so, why are they expecting someone in that situation to be out on the road like that instead of in a car? Wouldn’t the sidewalk be safer?

Regardless, this seems discriminatory. If there’s a reasonable explanation for what this means then I can’t think of it. I mean, what the heck is this supposed to be indicating?

On an unrelated note, have you voted yet for story of the month at Bartleby Snopes (it’s at the bottom of the current stories page)? It would be very cool if you voted for my story “Hollidays Gone Wrong.” No need to provide an email, install anything, or register. Just click and vote.

Can You Spare A Vote?

I hate shilling for votes, but my story “Hollidays Gone Wrong” is up for story of the month over at Bartleby Snopes and is currently way behind. A ton of really cool people have been voting for��“Hollidays Gone Wrong,” but I’d need at least twice as many votes as the story already has to win…presuming that neither of the two stories ahead of me gets even any more votes. ��Voting ends at the end of March…can you spare a vote?

Winning story of the month would get��“Hollidays Gone Wrong” into the next print issue.

Voting is in a poll at the bottom of the current stories page. You can just click the link, scroll down, and vote. No need to sign up for anything, register, provide an email, or anything. Just click and vote.

Clearly I’ve got no pride about this. I obviously had to sacrifice that if I wanted to have any hopes of��“Hollidays Gone Wrong” winning, since so many votes are being cast this month. I can use all the help I can get.

On a side thought, I’d be set if I could get��George Takei to notice and throw his support in on this. Something like that is probably my only chance. He’s busy talking to people about his��Japanese American National Museum Legacy project, though. Whether or not you vote for my story, you should check out his project. That definitely deserves your support. I’ve already chipped in myself so I’m not just blowing smoke here.

I Just Got An Another Automated Telemarketer Call

I just got another automated telemarketer call. I don’t even know what it was for; I hung up the moment it started. You can always tell when it’s an automated telemarketer call.

I mean, how bad does their product/service have to be that they’re using an automated system to make telemarketing calls? Ordinary telemarketing situations usually indicate a pretty poor product/service or they wouldn’t be telemarketing to begin with. Can’t even spare the money for a real person? Oh, you must have something really good.

Frankly, I think there should be a law that if someone robodials me like that I get to call them back personally to have this play:

By they way, story of the month voting just opened up at Bartleby Snopes (it’s at the bottom of the current stories page). You should read them all and vote for the one you like best, but it would be very cool if the one you liked best and voted for was my story “Hollidays Gone Wrong.”

What The Heck?

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that left me wondering:��What the heck?

It was deliciously weird and I had no idea what it meant. Course, then I looked it up on Google and realized it was a reference to��Arrested Development, which I had never watched.

It’s cool and all, but I kind of wish I hadn’t looked it up. This was better when I didn’t know what it meant. There were more odd possibilities. Now it’s just a reference to a TV show. Kind of sad now.