L.Z. Marie's Blog, page 9

Super Heroes for Writers

Writers are busy. In addition to brainstorming, outlining, plotting, and editing they must navigate and manage the Cyber world. This is no small feat and requires a few social media super heroes.

Here’s a few suggestions.

Acronymizer: Seeks out definitions for acronyms, protecting writer from cyber stupidity.

Blog Man: Delivers fresh blog material sure to captivate and entertain. Writes riveting error-free posts in a timely and visually appealing manner.

CrowdSorcerer: Harnesses readers, friends, friends of friends, followers, thinkers, and movers & shakers with skills to solve all the writer’s problems.

Like Monger: Likes and favorites comments and posts. Works closely with…

Comment Czar: Crafts savvy, witty, and pithy remarks that are NOT gender-political-race-religiously biased/ off-putting/ upsetting/ stupid.

Pinterest Girl: Assesses photos on Pinterest, repins, comments, and seeks out fresh crowd-appealing images.

Social Media Optimizer: (SMOer) Maximizes your content to target audience. Vets new platforms and investigates latest methods for making you a social media god. Jumps over slow Bandwagon and designs a rocket book-launcher.

The Podcastinator: Creates, manage, records, and films audio and video content. Knows best lighting to minimize your flaws and exploit your fabulosity.

Tag Boy: Blog Man’s sidekick. He includes the perfect keywords for your blog posts—catapulting your website into the glorious blogosphere where it will reap oodles of new reading stars.

Master Threader: Manages all the comments on your blog and responds to every comment made on multiple social media platforms.

Trolliac: Identifies trolls after their first comment and eradicates them from your feed. Does not engage.

Webinar: Leaps over tall social media platforms in a single URL. Faster than a speeding key word. Soars above the others with brilliant, relevant, innovative information sure to garner gazillions of new followers.

Note: A big thanks goes to author Avi Steinberg for the superhero idea!

What sort of super social media hero would you like having?

Related Posts: Readin’ & Writin’

Tunefully Yours

Catchy Song lyrics have a way of lodging in your brain. Dum-dum-dum- doo-dee-do….

Everyone knows the “Alphabet song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” are the the same melody. And so is “Mary had a Little Lamb” and “London Bridge.”  So in the spirit of Weird Al Yankovic I’ve writer-ized opening lines to a few famous songs.

Note: Changes are bolded.

 

Well, it was just seventeen pages—if you know what I mean


The Beatles/ I Saw Her Standing There


I’m on the highway to editing  hell.

AC/DC / Highway to Hell

Why do adverbs suddenly appear every time an agent is near?

The Carpenters/ Close to You

Well, it’s one for the money, two for the read, three to get KDP, now go, Amazon, go!”

Carl Perkins / Blue Suede Shoes

There must be some kind of way out of here, said the writer to the plot problem.


Jimi Hendrix/ All Along the Watchtower


Hello, typos, my old friend

Simon and Garfunkel/ The Sound of Silence

You were working as a writer in a coffee shop, when I met you

Human League/ Don’t You Want Me

And you may find yourself living in a fictional world / And you may find yourself in another part of the world / And you may find yourself behind a laptop computer.



Talking Heads/ Once in a Lifetime


Guess what just got back today / Those wild-eyed queries I emailed away



Thin Lizzy / The Boys are back in Town

I get up, and social media management gets me down / You got it tough / I’ve seen the toughest tweeters around.

Van Halen/ Jump

Just a small town writer, livin’ in a lonely world / She took the FaceBook train goin’ anywhere.



Journey/ Don’t Stop Believin’

She’s a very kinky writer, the kind you don’t recommend  to mother.



Rick James/ Superfreak

Hello, is there any agent out there? Just email if you can hear me.

Pink Floyd/ Comfortably Numb

Ground Control to Major plot flaw

David Bowie/ Major Tom

The devil went down to a beta reader; he was lookin’ for a soul to steal.

Charlie Daniels Band/ The Devil Went Down to Georgia

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How that manuscript used to make me smile.

Don McLean/ American Pie

Welcome back, my friends
To the edits that never end
We’re so glad you could attend
Turn the page, turn the page. 

Emerson, Lake, & Palmer/ Karn Evil 9 – 1st Impression – Part 2

I like big sales and I cannot lie.

Sir Mix-A-Lot/ Baby Got Back

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a character of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole the writer’s soul and faith


Rolling Stones/ Sympathy for the Devil

After writing this post, I know exactly what the next few blog topics will be. Stay tuned…

What opening-lines can your writer-ize?

Related links: Readin’ & Writin’

Biblical Allusions

In the western world, Christianity and the Bible are engrafted in our collective conscience. Most people—even non believers—know a bible story or two, which is why writers add depth and complexity with its timeless themes, stories, and iconic names.

The above photo is from the movie 300. At the end—warning: plot spoiler, King Leonidas dies and final scene shows his body position at his time of death, which really resembles that of a crucifixion. Was the screenwriter saying that Leonidas was Jesus? My guess is NO, but the position of his body does suggest that Leonidas sacrificed himself for his people. A second example is from Hemingway’s Old Man and the Sea. The old man carries his boat over his shoulder ( like a cross) uphill ( Calvary) at the end of the novel. There are a thousands  and thousands of examples of biblical allusions from literature and film. The more you know your Bible the easier they will be to find.

What: The Bible’s timeless portrayals of betrayal, sin, falls from grace, loss of innocence, and redemption are brought to life within its pages.

Why:  Writers allude to the Bible for many reasons. It may be to:
1. explain a theme, problem,  experience, or event
2. reinforce a theme, problem, or experience, or event
3. add irony
4. satirize
5. condemn
6. foreshadow
7. characterize a person or place

 

How: Here’s just a tiny sampling of symbolic or metaphoric examples of common biblical allusions.

names of either places and/or people

garden ( Paradise )

7 days

one brother killing another


tree of life/ tree of knowledge of good and evil


serpents


plagues


flood


parting of waters


loaves of water

no room at the inn

crucifixion


40 days


escape from slavery


wandering in a dessert


milk and honey


being tempted by Satan


carpenter occupation


12 friends

a cock crowing 3 times

flaming bushes


last suppers

Christianity doesn’t have an exclusive on religious allusion! Read novels and poems from other countries/cultures and expect allusions to Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, etc and their corresponding holy scriptures. Of course, if the reader is unfamiliar with the religion they won’t be able to identify the religious allusion.

So before dismissing a character’s name or circumstance as coincidental, ask yourself why the author may have alluded to the Bible ( or other religious text). For example:


a character named Eve ( or a variant of ) may tempt a man and get kicked out of a metaphoric paradise


a man with 12 friends may be betrayed by one of them

What biblical allusion have you used, read, and/or seen?

Related links: Rock Your Writing, Symbols & More Symbols

One-liners for Writers

Iconic movie lines. Everybody knows them. We all quote them. And as writer’s we understand the value of a great one-liner. Famous movie lines also come in handy during  the course of a  writer’s day.

Here’s a few of my favorites, served with a side of snarky-sassy commentary.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” ( Gone With The Wind )

All purpose response to anything that stops you from writing, be it a discouraging remark from a ‘friend’ to a disheartening blog post about the realities of publishing.

“Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” ( Wizard of Oz )

A sentiment expressed by many wanna-be authors after listening to an agent panel discuss the publishing biz.

“Go ahead, make my day.” ( Dirty Harry )


Feeling ( on the QT ) when you’ve discovered you have a troller blowing up your twitter feed.


“May the Force be with you.” ( Star Wars )


My wish to newbies heading to their first pitch session.


“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” ( Network )


Shout directed to a paragraph or sentence that refuses to be written correctly.


“You can’t handle the truth!” ( A Few Good Men )


I might be wrong about this, but I think literary agents would like to say this to Does-My-Novel-Suck inquiring newbies.


“There’s no crying in baseball!” ( A League of Their Own )


Good to say to the mirror after receiving a rejection.


“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” ( Jaws )


Response to folks who ask if their Once In A Blue Moon blog will build their writer platform.


“Hasta la vista, baby.” ( Terminator )


Best spoken after hitting the SEND button on your unsolicited emailed query.


“I’ll be back.” ( Terminator )


Directed at manuscript at the end of the day.


“Badges?  We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges.” ( The Treasure of the Sierra Madre )


Perfect reply when your writer’s conference name tag is left in the hotel room and you need to get into the auditorium to hear the keynote speaker.


“Houston, we have a problem.” ( Apollo 13 )


Good for anytime you’re trying to figure out a new writing program or new social media platform.


“I feel the need—the need for speed!” ( Top Gun )


Thoughts of many a writer trying to juggle all their social media accounts.


“Snap out of it!” ( Moonstruck )


Spoken by family or friends when a writer is in the zone.


“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” ( The Wizard of Oz )


Addressed to the adverbs still hiding in your manuscript.


“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” ( Dirty Dancing )


Expressed after scheduling a free ebook giveaway.


“I’m the king of the world!” ( Titanic )

Spoken upon landing an agent and/or publishing deal.

What favorite movie line do YOU use?

Related Links: Readin’ & Writin’

Idea Vault

Writers have a plethora of ideas. Idea Bombs usually come at odd times–when driving, during a conversation, at work, or while drifting off to sleep.

It never fails, one minute you’re engrossed in some task, the next--kapow!— an explosion of ideas blows up your mind! I have some of the best ideas while cooking ( shhshsh….don’t tell the hubby).

The not-so-great thing about an Idea Bomb is they are quick to dissipate into the ether, often before one can do anything about them.

Here’s a few suggestions for storing those ideas before it’s too late. Use Idea Vaults. Warning: This is for the techno-proficient. Sorry Luddites, you’re just have to carry pen and paper wherever you go.

 Use Pintrest’s secret board for top secret photo ideas for the next novel.
 Create a separate board for each work in progress.
No time to type? Take a photo and pin it to one of your boards. (This is one of my teacher tricks. If class is over and students are still mid-task, I have them take a photo.)
Take screen captures of information before it disappears on the fast-moving Twitter or Facebook feed

 Use the Notes section on your phone or ipad. Create separate notes for:


1. blog topic ideas
2. character and place names
3. each novel/work in progress
4. future plots/novels
5. 1-sentence pitches
6. catchy words/phrases for future promos

 

Keep unused witty 140-character tweets in drafts. Having a brain dead day? Scroll through your tweet drafts and voila!
Set up devices so they sync—if you’re not sure how to do this just ask any three year old. LOL
Set up a Cloud account. My son the computer engineer says, “If a document isn’t in 3 places, it doesn’t exist.”
Create folders for any giant chunk of words you cut from an MS but suspect might one day come in handy

The downside of using technology?  Computers, phones, and iPad can be lost, stolen, or go under water. However, I’ve lost more scraps of paper with brilliant ideas ( cough cough) than I’ve lost with technology.

Do YOU use Idea Vaults?

Related Links: Readin’ & Writin’

Genre Breed

Agents, publishers, bookstores, and Amazon require authors to identify a novel’s genre. It’s not always an easy task. Wouldn’t it be great if genres were as easy to classify as dogs?  By replacing the word genre with breed writers will identify target audiences more quickly and readers will discover the reading experience they were searching for.

So today, this blog has gone to the dogs!

Sporting genre/breed: Written for retrieving, these novels are best enjoyed in hard copy because the reader will refer to them again and again, annotating in the margins, and dog-earring favorite pages. The sporting genre is perfect for pointing out fowl/foul symbols and watery archetypes

Hound: Serious literature designed for authorial technique hunting, readers will delight in sniffing out important themes and deer/dear allusions, howling their foxy literary analysis to all.

Toy: Light and adorable novels that contain glamorous fluff or posh plots. Some have a bit of bite (BDSM) to them, while others lick you with giggles.The perfect size for your e-reader.

Herding: Novels in a series that come together, gathering characters across a range of sub plots and adventures.  Linked by themes or overarching plot, these novels are branded to build readership with each new book.

Terriers: Novels that eagerly scurry down the literary hole to expose man’s rat-like proclivities. Although their plots shed light upon varmint dogmas and critter-filled creeds, they are endearing tales that roll over for a good belly rub.

Working: Action-packed novels with a taste for adventure: Expect daring rescues, growling characters, mastiff-tastic heroism, and dog-on good sex. These novels work hard so the reader won’t have to.

Non-sporting: Bursting with energy and tale-wagging dialog, these novels are drool-worthy reads. From the elegant-clipped poodle-ish exposition to the requisite bitchy stereotype to the spirited climax, the reader can expect intelligent plotting and obedient language. Fans of non-sporting genres are loyal and devoted.

Which breed of book do YOU prefer to read or write?

(I’m saving cross-breeds for another blog.)

Woof!

Related links: Readin’ & Writin’

Rx for Writers

Pharmaceutical  companies spend bazillions of dollars researching, experimenting, testing, and marketing drugs to cure all our ailments. Wouldn’t it be great if they made medications to cure some common writing woes?

Here’s a few suggestions.

1. Proseac: Calms the writer while creating word magic. Outside distractions and inner demons are kept at bay, allowing the writer to craft  better prose.

2. Adverbaicillin: Treats rampant infection of adverb use in manuscript.

3. Nextchaptium: Treats symptoms of hook-y chapter endings brought on by persistent agent burns.

4. Twittermax: Increases tweeting speed and improves 140-character witticisms.

5. Blogadryl: Provides relief from blogging while still attempting to make progress on your manuscript. Calms the annoying  I-have-no-new-material itch.

6. Ibproofreadin: Reduces inflammation of irritation brought on by: removing or adding comas: misspelled and misused words; and repetitive phrases.

7.  Verbagra: Cures dysfunctional verbs. When used properly, verbs stand at attention while writing allowing you to write for many hours without verb loss. Warning: If you suffer from verb action for more than 4 hours please see your literati.

8. Flawase: Prevents back story congestion, runny prepositions, and sneezing unnecessary exposition into manuscript.

9. Moplotrin: Reduces worry and treats pain caused by inflamed expositions, plot aches, and climax pain.

10. Queryosec: Treats causes of Time-To-Send-Ms-To-Agent disease and other email conditions caused by excessive rewording of query. Promotes healing of painful summaries and first 10-pages.

11. Wordbutrin: Treats depression brought on by writer’s block. May reduce social media cravings and my-novel-sucks withdrawal symptoms.

12. Cianalysis: Treats inability to understand Amazon algorithms, as well as Twitter and Blog statistics. Best taken when any time the moment’s write, preferably in a bathtub.

13. Pitchobarbital: Relieves anxiety and controls nervous seizures while pitching at a conference. Can become habit-forming, especially if writer is a conference junkie.

Related Posts: Readin’ &Writin’

A Writer’s Prayer

Our Muse who lives in GenreZion
we offer coffee in your name.
Let our plots and characters come,
and your creative will be done,
on Amazon and as it is in social media.
Give us this day our daily word count
and forgive us our typos and grammar errors
as we forgive our fellow authors.
And let us not write more words on Twitter than on our MS
but deliver us from Facebook and blog meltdowns.

 

Related Posts: Readin’ & Writin’

Readophilia

Description: Intense attraction to reading.

The condition is  brought on with the protracted need—intellectual and physical—to ingest words, plots, and meaning. Symptoms show a marked increase with the introduction of  e-reader ownership and free downloads.

Symptoms include:

1. Staying up until 3 am to finish a book.

2. Thinking—albeit irrationally—that the story will finish without you if you stop reading

2. Seriously considering taking a book to a family gathering

3. Believing Staycations ( a vacation where you stay home) includes reading books while sipping on your favorite beverage.

4. Arguing with non-reading friends who accuse you of reading to escape reality. Puleeze—you’re living many realities.

5. Becoming annoyed when an event—neighbors knocking, children crying, food burning, fire alarm ringing—cause you to stop mid-paragraph.

6. Stressing when someone asks “What’s your favorite genre?” That’s like asking to identify your favorite air molecule to breath.

7. Weeping tears of joy upon purchase of your first e-reader

8. Knowing free books are Amazon’s equivalent to the biblical manna from heaven

8. Judging people by the speed and accuracy by which they read a novel ( What do you mean you skimmed that part?)

8. Planning vacations to famous libraries

9. Buying/downloading new book = happiness

10. Hanging with non-readers is—wait, do you still have any non-reading friends?

11. Jumping out of your skin when someone taps you on the shoulder while reading

12. Waiting in line is a joy—as long as you brought your book

13. Realizing the real world goes away when you’re immersed in a novel

14. Making excuses for your Readophilia ( I’m at the good part. Gotta find out if he dies. I learn stuff. The kids should learn how to do their own laundry. Learn how to cook. I need me-time. I’m in a book club)

15. Denying that Readophilia comes with a price. Increased knowledge, pondering, and imagination. Increased time management skills—to fit in more reading. Increased reading speed. Increased ability to discuss a myriad of topics. Increased attention levels. Increased ability to amuse yourself for extended hours.

Ironically, little academic research has been done on this brain-stimulating condition, and Readophila is often tragically abated by the following:


broken power cords


low battery indicators


inaccessibility to an electrical outlet


closure of local book stores


maxed out credit cards


no clean underwear in the house


no toilet paper in the house

ridiculous library hours ( 24-hr libraries! Imagine the learning!)

Do YOU have Readophilia?

One of my favorite library scenes!

Related Posts: Readin’ & Writin’

Beverage & Book Pairings

There’s nothing like enjoying a drink—both alcoholic and non alcoholic—while reading! Restaurant managers are smart to suggest wine pairings for menu items. And like food for your stomach, words are food for your soul. The following is a list of genres and how they might be enhanced with  the perfect libation.

Literary fiction: Day Hours: Literati concerned with theme, motif, symbols, & allusions require a lovely Earl Grey or French-press coffee. Evening hours require an expensive cognac or single malt scotch.

Romance: Mocha latte or sweet tea by day. White wine spritzer or anything enhanced by a wee paper umbrella after sunset.

Horror: Tales of blood and gore need Spicy V-8 with extra Tabasco in the daylight. The mouth-coating density found in a full-bodied Douro Cabernet Sauvignon will satisfy your cravings when darkness descends.

Action/adventure: Running from here to there require the hydrating and invigorating effects of lemon & rosemary infused water during the day.   A few shots of tequila—with or without the worm—will provide your evening kick.

Cozy mystery: Tea or coffee in a lovely cup or mug while the sun shines. Kahlua and cream or an Irish coffee when night falls.

Scifi: PowerAid or GatorAid when the giant ball of hydrogen rises and the Pan Galactic Garlic Blaster ( from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy) or jello shooters during lunar sightings.

Historical fiction: Tea or spiced cidar when the cock doth crow and red wine ( a libation with ancient origins) when the owl doth hoot.

Paranormal/urban fantasy:  Sunlight calls for iced tea or a cold soda. The witching hours requires some aptly named cocktails like the Zombie, Slippery Nipples, Snake Bite, Sex on the Beach, and Purple Hooter.

FanFiction:  Monster, RedBull, or Rockstar after breakfast. Add vodka to that glass for dinner for a fan-drinkster kick-in-the-ass.

Textbook: Open to the Table of Contents with an extra espresso shot in your coffee. Pour more coffee by the lamp’s glow until you’ve reached the index.

Steampunk: Lavender infused lemonade when the chronometer indicates 9 am.  Indulge in absinthe as you watch the sands of night pour through the hourglass.

Vampire/shifter: Cranberry juice when the sun comes up and a Spicy Bloody Mary during sundown.

Erotica: Cool the heat with Passion fruit iced tea when not in the bedroom. A ‘roofie’-laced cocktail or a martini—extra dirty–should satisfy under the covers.

Chick Llt; Sassy, fun, sappy, or sad plots need a lovely frothy latte in the daytime and  a light, crisp Sauvignon Blanc for turn-the-page evenings.

Detective: Following clues and solving crimes calls for no-frills coffee—black, no sugar— in a Styrofoam cup by the harsh light of day. Beer or whiskey on the rocks for wallowing during the dark of night.

Legal thriller: Coffee Americano during court hours in the judges chambers. Straight bourbon from dusk until dawn.

Children’s: Milk with a cookie chaser after your afternoon nap and hot chocolate when it’s time to say Goodnight Moon.

Latino lit: Fruit juice during el dia  and  margarita or sangria in the noche.

Other novel pairings:

Stories taking place south of the Mason-Dixon line require Mint Juleps on the sunny porch. Take a peek at the fireflies while sipping Southern Comfort during eventide.
Rum for any novels with pirates.

Cheers!

Related posts: Readin’ & Writin’