Rae Lewis-Thornton's Blog, page 8

Breaking My Silence on Pastor Charles Jenkins...

A couple of weeks ago I was chatting with a preacher friend of mine and he asked,"Have you seen that picture of Pastor Charles Jenkins naked?" HUH? "What picture," he then directed me to a blog that had a picture of my former pastor Rev. Charles Jenkins brushing his teeth naked. The picture had allegedly been taken by a person other than his wife with a claim of extortion.

My heart sank for this public display of his naked body but as I watched the story unfold that week it became unsettling for me on so many different levels. Everyone had an opinion, but mostly there was an attack on the "other woman."

 It's sad how we race to watch Scandal and hope that one day Olivia will get her man, but when it comes to a "real affair" we tar and feather the other woman. I watched the debate on that blog and on social media as people  diced "her" up, but at the same time forgave him and really, no one knew if in fact there was any details as to how the picture actually arrived in the hands of that blogger. I kept my silence with the exception of close friends. I mean, he was my former pastor and he was naked. It was the hottest conversation that week. *hangs head*

On Easter Sunday, six days after the posting of the picture, Pastor Jenkins made his first public comment. With the cameras off, and his wife, Dr. Tara Jenkins by his side, Rev. Jenkins told his congregation that he in fact had an affair with a woman. He said that he had already asked his wife for forgiveness and was now appealing to the church asking the same. He went on to name this woman and claimed that she was now extorting him.

MundiAfter the news came my way, I immediately called this young woman. I was shocked that he had actually named her in the pulpit and claimed her responsible for the public display of his nakedness.  WTH? was my first reaction.  Extortion, I don't think so, was my second reaction. I know her personally and in fact had learned about their affair a year earlier. She had taken "Auntie Rae" in her confidence as she tried to heal from this eight year affair. Yes, I said eight years!

That day, a little over a year ago, she spilled it all to me as I sat with my mouth wide open. As she talked about rendezvous, day, night, and midday. Damn, I wondered, was he ever at home. She told me about trips at the church's expense, promises of divorcing his wife, the broken promises he made to her, the manipulation, her feeling trapped and then ultimately her escape.

The stories were like a hot juicy Zane novel.  I asked the deeper questions, how could you? Why would you? She admitted that she was attracted to the charisma. He promised to leave his wife which was the reason behind hiring her in such a high profile position. They were a team!

"He is so gifted," she said. Mundi had bought into his dream, hook, line and sinker.  I can't even begin to tell it all in this blog, nor is it my story to tell.  I hope one day she will tell it in its fullness. Now you know me, I finally asked, "Girl, when did you realize that he was never going to leave his wife for you? "When his wife became pregnant with their third child," she signed. I knew that I had to get out!"

While I was shocked at her disclosure to me over a year ago, it all made sense.  I started to connect the dots. I had watched the affair up close and personal. At the time I didn't know what I was actually seeing but as she spilled it all, I started to remember  and remember and remember. It all started with the BoardRoom, a weekly midday downtown worship service that she was instrumental in organizing.

Rev. Jenkins and Dr. Clay EvansI thought at the time, this girl is so talented, Fellowship is lucky to have her and Pastor Jenkins is lucky to have her on his team. While I though highly of her brilliance for Fellowship, I was a little disturbed when Pastor Jenkins fired for sure two people on staff to hire Mundi.

It didn't make sense at the time, Patrick, our CFO was the bomb. He was also talent and committed. Reynonda, was Rev. Jenkins' executive assistant at the time and she was the bomb as well.  I watched the pain in their eyes and never knew what to say.

The rumor was spreading that Jenkins had made these staffing changes because Mundi was a better choice to further the goal of the new Fellowship that was shifting quickly from the Fellowship Missionary Baptist Church  my mentor Rev. Clay Evans had founded. It was becoming Fellowship Chicago a modern church reaching the unchurched, especially the younger generation.

I believed in Charles Jenkins. I also believed in Mundi's talents. I knew she came from the ivy league equivalent of cooperate America and those gifts came with a price tag; six figure price tag. Her salary at Fellowship was $106,000 but I rationalized that this was ok because this is the church of the 21st century, we need a Senior Vice-President of Operation.

Let's be clear, Mundi Griffin left a six figure job to run the operations at  Fellowship, and while she was making $106,000 it was a significant pay cut. The fact of the matter, all of her entrepreneurial businesses also suffered as she devoted more and more time to the projects at Fellowship and of course even more time to Pastor Jenkins, which according to her was his number one priority.

As I look back, I now know he was making a way for his lover and creating a partnership  in plain sight, how could she not believe him, trust him? He had used his power as pastor to elevate her. This partnership would last 5 years as his employee and lover and another 3 years as his lover, once she left Fellowship.


I was disappointed when  Rev. Jenkins announced from the pulpit that Mundi was extorting him.  NO the truth of the matter, her lawyer sent him a letter for breach of contract in 2013, which I have seen.

I sat there puzzled, how did Rev. Jenkins make the leap to extortion? There is no lawyer on the planet, unless they want to be disbarred and go to jail, who would participate in extortion.

I was even more disappointed at a missed opportunity for a pastor to be as authentic as he could be for both his healing and for the church.  Pastoral abuse is a serious issue. He had already used his leadership authority to further his relationship with Mundi, now he was using it to flip the script. I could have appreciated his Easter Sunday pulpit confession if he had not deflected the real issue onto her.  Flipping the script never works for me.

While I was in seminary, clergy abuse was a serious topic.   I learned that the greater burden of moral responsibility falls on the one with the greater power. For me this cannot be reduced to the common themes I hear when a pastors affair is made public in the Black Church, you know what I'm talking about the things we say to minimize  the truth, it goes like this: we have all sinned, we should not judge, who are we to judge, forgiveness is the core of Christianity, and the all time fav, look at David and he was a man after God's own heart.

 No, this is not about making judgements but about holding pastors accountable for how they use the pulpit for their personal agendas. This madness has got to STOP, from Bishop Eddie Long to Rev. Jamal Bryant to  Rev. Charles Jenkins.

Using your authority  and your pulpit  for your personal agenda is clergy abuse. From the pulpit, Rev. Jenkins claimed the affair started after Mundi joined the staff, but in fact it started way before. Mundi joining the staff simply gave him unlimited and immediate access to her. That relationship began at the same time as the BoardRoom. During that time Mundi was in and out of my home, she had become close friends with Davita who became another one of my children when I first started speaking.  Looking back, I remember all those times, Davita would tell me that she was at a hotel on the Mag mile with Mundi hanging out. I get it, Davita was Mundi's cover in this affair. He would leave the hotel and Davita would come and hangout with Mundi, to at first defray suspicion from Mundi's own husband, Yes I said husband. This was one tangled web. That's another story.

I've been talking to Mundi for the past two weeks trying to help her make sense of it all, but most importantly to get her on the road to healing. She had been a bundle of mixed emotions. One day, she has feelings of shame and another of anger  that he would out right lie on her and other days fear. As I've been told her Facebook picture was screen shot by someone and circulated amongst Fellowship's congregation as the person behind the extortion.

I understand from the pulpit there was a war cry from Pastor Jenkins.  Richard Gula in his book Ethics in Pastoral Ministry argues that Pastor represents a community of faith, a religious tradition, a way of life and yes even God." He goes on to say, "Some people feel that to talk with us {pastors} is to talk with God, or to be accepted or rejected by us is to be accepted or rejected by God."

 This level of incitement from the pulpit disturbed me. To even claim "spiritual warfare," is not about accountability, its about deflection, and it is a thin line in the abuse of pastoral power. The truth is, Rev. Jenkins had an eight year affair, a picture got out, he have no idea where it came from, so he took a leap with no verification what so ever. He used his pulpit authority as a weapon. There is nothing from Mundi asking for money. NOTHING! and the truth of the matter, if there were I know I would have gone to the police the day it began. But all we have is a half confession and a scape goat for his shame.

Mundi Griffin is actually relieved that the "affair" is no longer a secret. It's a weight she's been carrying. In eight years, she kept his secret, she kept her secret, she kept their secret. Rev. Jenkins was the one who disclosed the relationship, that is an undisputed fact.

On the other side of the coin, Mundi has been accused of extortion by Rev. Jenkins from his pulpit and Mundi has remained silent. Today I am giving her this voice in a unedited one on one interview.

RLT: Mundi, lets cut to the chase. Are you extorting Rev. Jenkins
Mundi: Hell No!  If that were the case this conversation would be taking place with me behind bars.

RLT: So you never sent him any kind of communication demanding $50,000 or you would release information about your relationship?
Mudi: Absolutely not!  Again, if that were the case this conversation would look a lot differently.

RLT: Have you had any correspondence with Rev. Jenkins regarding this incident?
Mundi: Yes, he called me a few times on the Tuesday after he made the announcement from the pulpit but I didn't answer. Instead I sent him a text and we had a heated exchange.

RLT: From reading these text, it seems he was trying to get you to admit to extorting him. This was the first contact you had with him in any fashion regrading this matter of extortion: (see below)
Mundi: Yes

RLT: So let me ask you this, do you know this guy from the Obnoxious Blog where the picture was posted or have ever had any contact with him?
Mudi: No, I was just as shocked to read the blog as everyone else.

RLT: What did you think when you read the blog?
Mudi: Here he goes again, in yet another relationship with a woman other than his wife.

RLT: Well lets talk about that... When did your relationship begin with Rev. Jenkins?
Mundi: I joined Easter 2004. Our first conversations were via email and a few phone conversations. He was always picking my brain about his vision for Fellowship.  We would also talk fashion as he was always complementary of my fashion choices.

RLT: When did it shift?
Mundi:Well, in one planning meeting regarding the BoardRoom he asked me to step out of the meeting in the middle of the meeting.  Once we were on the other side of the door, he looked down at my finger bearing my wedding ring and asked,
"What is that"
"My wedding ring," I said.
He then asked, "Does he know what he has?
I said "I hope so," Now, knowing damn well that my husband didn't know what to do with me.  My marriage had really ended before it started and my growing relationship with Charles Jenkins didn't help it one bit. We were only married a little over a year.

RLT: Why did you kept the relationship a secret even after it was over? Some women are vindictive
Mundi: We actually ended on peaceful terms at first but there was nothing to talk about publicly.  I confided in a my close girlfriends but that was it. To what benefit would I have gained from discussing it publicly?

RLT You didn't want to hurt him?
Mundi: It wasn't about "hurt".  The relationship had ended and there was nothing to talk about.  I was anxious to leave the past where it was and move forward in a healthy relationship.

RLT: Why are you going public now?
Mundi: Because he has given me no other choice. He's made our affair public and has painted me as a scorned woman that is extorting him.  He has fabricated a story to deflect the larger issue at hand.  He has misused the pulpit on an Easter Sunday to push his messy circumstances of infidelity and has lied while doing so.  This is an abuse of power and a misuse of the pulpit.  I want my name cleared and I want a retraction.

People trust their pastor, because of this trust no one is asking the tough questions and its suppose to fly and thats some bullshit.  If I am extorting him, why hasn't he filled charges? Where is the proof? This was inflammatory and in fact, he defamed my name.

Separation of Opportunity: Reflection On Delta Sigma Theta Sorority.

Today marks three years that my membership in Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. as an honorary member was rescinded. I'm not going to rehash any of those gory details you can read all about it here and here and here. The pain that I felt  three years ago seemed insurmountable. Even last year I was still hurting far more than I would have wanted to admit.

I look back over my removable from Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority and think it a blessing that I can now fully embrace. For sure, I'm wiser, stronger but most importantly it sent me on a journey of self understanding that had been waiting in the wings to happen.

Three years ago this was a crisis that consumed my life, every part of my being, my body, heart and soul. Yet reflecting today, it also presented me with a opportunity. Sue Monk Kidd in her book When the Heart Waits would have seen this crisis as a "separation of opportunity." The greek word crisis derives from the Greek word Krisis and Krino which means "a separating."


This separation made me reexaime myself. The woman I had become and the woman that I'm seeking. At the end of this road, through all the hurtful tweets, facebook discussions, comments on my youtube and my blog, from women who once called me sister and praised my advocacy in HIV/AIDS , who stood at official meetings when I enter the room, I learned, in spite of what was said about me,  I like me! 
I mean, I really really like me. That would translate into loving yourself. When you can say you like who you are, what you do, how you do it, what you wear or don't wear, how you live your life, without limitations on what others think of you, you have reached that place of self-love.
Delta helped me to be even more  unapologetic about who I am. My authentic self has grown by leaps and bounds. It recently gave me the strength to walk away from my leadership positions at church without defending my right to do and live as I please, in spite of what people may deem "proper" for an ordained minister. It has made me live out loud without regard to the issues of "respectability" that I highlight in my book, The Politics of Respectability. My life is uniquely mine and to live your life for the validation of others would be to deny who God created you to be.
Delta, even created space for me to move through this profound spiritual journey that I just began with  confidence that my "seeking" does not conflict with my Christian beliefs but enhances them. Sue Monk Kidd would say "In order to follow the inner journey, we need to leave behind those things that are deadening the loyalties that no longer have life for us," When I read that I said yesssss, my separation from Delta released me of loyalties that hindered my authentic self.

When I look back over the sacrifices and loyalties I kept to "belong" all the money I spent on red St. John Knits to "fit in" with the upper crust of leadership. All the times I spoke for Delta events for a potion of my speakers fee, so that I could be the "liked" honorary member and show that MY sorority was doing something on HIV/AIDS. Even coming to one convention {because I was told repeatedly that honorry members "never show up"} instead of staying with my mother who was in the last weeks of her life, I know that I am released from loyalties that hindered my authentic self.
This has been a long three year journey, but I can look back and say, that Delta did for me what I was unable to do for myself. In Delta I was still the "little Rae" seeking approval half/in and half/out of my authentic self. 
Those tweets that day was my authentic self, but the rejection that I felt over being my authentic self was "little Rae. "

As I reflect, I had to examine what was it in me to cause me to be so wounded by Delta's rejection? But the larger question and most importantly, why would I want to below to any organization that could not validate and support my authentic self.  Why would I want to belong to  women who one day called me sister and the next called me demon?  I had to take a long look at myself, not at Delta Sigma Theta for those answers. 
This separation from Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, was a Separation of Opportunity for it sent me on a journey of reexamination. It helped to heal the "little Rae" always seeking approval, always half/in and  half/out of my authentic self. 
Today, What I know for sure, I'm the authentic version of me, living out loud in the spirit that God create me to be. 

Tea With Rae: All Love For Oprah Chai Tea!!

Yesterday Oprah and Teavana launched a new tea; Oprah Chai! I love tea, Teavana and Oprah and I think they are a match made in heaven.

I wasn't feeling well but I couldn't allow AIDS to interfere with sampling this tea on the day that it was launched;  By 3:30 I put my big girl panties on and headed to Teavana. 

I figured the walked to Teavana and the sip of this new tea would make it all better. Well, it didn't change my current health situation, LOL but it did put a smile on my face.


I LOVE LOVE LOVE this new Chai Tea collaboration between Oprah and Teavana. I have to be honest, Chai tea has not on my list of top favorite teas, well it is now.

Howard Schultz CEO Starbucks and OprahAt Teavana I went straight to the sample. I stood their half in the door and put it straight to the test. One swag and I lit up like a light bulb. It was a winner!

When the sales person opened the tin, the rich flavors hit my nose like a whirlwind. If you have never experience the Teavana smell test you have no idea what you are missing.

After I smelled a few other teas, with my goodies in tote I came home to see if the  Oprah Chai would render me the same result at home that it had in the store. I added a few drops of the rock  sugar, I also pick up at Teavana. Within an hour I had drank two cups.

Ok, lets talk specifics. Chai tea is Oprah's favorite. So it stood to reason that she choose Chai in this partnership. She  worked with the chemist over at Teavana to render a prefect Chai tea that she could share her name.

  Oprah Chia Tea is a perfect blend of cinnamon, ginger carob pieces, black pepper, chicory root, cloves, cardamom black tea and roobis tea. The rolled peppercorn gives it the perfect bite, the carob adds a chocolate flavor  but I think its the blend of black and roobis tea that makes the big difference. It's the perfect balance between that traditional spicy chai black tea taste and  a smooth sweetness.

Rooibos tea comes for the Red Bush in South African and it is known for it's natural sweetness. Black tea adds a rich malty flavor that helps to balance the sweetness of the Rooibos.

 Did I say it was a perfect blend? Oh I did, LOL. Honestly I'm not a chemist, but what I can say for sure, is that this Chai Tea is a winner and one of the best Chai teas that I have ever tasted.

I even had Oprah Chai this morning and found it to be a great alternative to my staple, English Breakfast. It gives me that  traditional black tea I must have in the morning but the cloves, cinnamon, cardamom and peppercorn speaks loud and clear, "Its a new day!"


You can purchase the loose tea both at Teavana and at Starbucks. Also at Starbucks you can have an Oprah Chai Latte. The tea purest that I am, I'm not big on latte's so I passed, but for those who are latte drinkers why not give it a try? You can also order the loose leaf at Teavana online.

Soon to come, you will be able to purchase more of the Teavana tea selections as a beverage at Starbucks. Now that's a tea lover's dream. For those who don't know, Starbucks owns Teavana.

Even better is tea with a purpose. A portion of all Chai Tea sales go to Oprah's Leadership Academy Foundation. This is the breakdown: For every beverage purchased either at Starbucks or Teavana, the donation is .25; For every 2 oz's, of tea sold and every Oprah Chai Tin $100, and yes you have to buy the tin. Storing your loose leaf tea for freshness is important. Lastly, for every gift set sold  Teavana donates $4.00.

My bottom line, the Oprah/Teavana Chai Tea Collaboration is a winner!!

Living in My Right Now: A LIfe Update!

Speaking at FAMUWhere the heck have I been? I'm glad you asked! I've been using all of my energy to take care of me. Self-care should always be at the top of ones list. Between these menopause issues, hot flashes, sleep deprivation and now HIV Neuropathy and adjusting to medication it's taken all of my energy.

I haven't been blogging but I've done some work. I  spoke at FAMU two weeks ago. I love those student leaders. They always find a way to keep HIV/AIDS in front of their classmates. It was a great program and great dialogue. Yet traveling under these health conditions always add extra stress and require more time to bounce back. I came home and shut it down for a few days. Then last week I spoke at a south suburban high school in Chicago, TF North and keynoted the Upward Bound Leadership Conference at Chicago State University.

Human AIDS Ribbon /TFNorthMostly, I've been dealing with me. You know this menopause stuff seems to have no end. I have had 3 different dose adjustments of the Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Then  I started having nerve pain in my face, hands and feet. So what does that feel like? I'm glad you asked, at one end of the spectrum a burning sensation and at the other end, like someone is sticking pins in my feet, hands and face all the time.  I haven't had Neuropathy this bad in a few years.

I always had Neuropathy, but over the years the intensity of the pain became mild and I learned to manage. I told a student once in a speaking engagement that their is never a time when I don't feel something in my feet, whether its the numbness, burning or tingling, but three weeks ago the pain became obtrusive and I found myself saying, "I'm hurting" which is rare for me to complain about pain.


I typically take my pain in stride. However, I knew this time that I needed to get back on medication to get some control.  All the medications to treat Neuropathy are very difficult to take. They are mostly anticonvulsants medications and first generation antidepressants, which have some mean side effects. One just feels lifeless, that the best explanation I can come up with. 
After spending last Wednesday in bed basically I decided that I was over it. I think  that I would prefer to hurt then to be non-functional. Luke said to me, "I'm sorry that you have to choose. "But I felt like I had to. My tolerance for pain is high but not being able to function because of mediation is worst. In the couple of weeks that I was on the medication, there was some improvement, but shoot I had gotten to a place where I couldn't get out of bed because of the side effects.  I'm going to see my doctor this week to see if we can fine some place in between.

I am seriously thinking about alternative non traditional neuropathy avenues that I can take to get some of this health stuff under control. The thing about me is that I never give up or in to the madness.

What I no longer do,  is try to keep up to meet people's approval. If I can't get it done, or do something then I accept it and more on.

 I'm devoting my energy to self-care and that's my bottom line. For sure, at soon to be 52 years of age, I want to live my best life and be my best me so that I can be my best for Gods earthly plan for my life.    I've been trying to maintain the self-care component in my life like working out: Doctors orders! Then on last Monday I started Yoga! I love, love love love it. Not only does it work on your core but it's a calming centering excise that takes you away from the madness of the day.

I've been making some major changes in my life. Well, Mr. Handsome decided that he didn't want to work toward a relationship. He actually like being single and didn't want to put in the work and on that note, I heard him loud and clear. I have no desire to be with a man and be half in/half out; those days are long gone!!
Yep, some major changes. I resigned from the leadership positions at my church. I was not capable at this junction to meet the expectations and I'm grown enough to be able to walk away from what's not working in my life. I'm also coming to terms that my ministry, call and gifts are public. And while organized religion has a place in my life, it is not my call.

As I was facing this dilemma I pulled out my old application for seminary to revisit my understanding of ministry as I saw it for me. It reminded me that I was always clear that my ministry was one of public. But once I was ordained, I lost my path trying to meet people's expectation of an ordained minister.

I'm feeling really proud of my own growth. The fact that I was able to walk away without thinking about the judgements of what people think I should be doing as a minister was major for me. As long as God and  I know what I'm suppose to be doing, I'm straight.

Honestly, while I've had to work through organize religion and it's role in my life. I have also been on this Spiritual journey. I've been reading these recommend books by Oprah on spiritually and personal growth. I will admit, a person has to be ready to receive these concepts. I think these books are powerful, but if you are not ready, you will miss the lessons that lays within.
Also new for me, I've been mediating with Oprah and Deepak. I know shut up! But for sure it has  keep me centered and grounded in ways I had no idea. 
If you are not content with where you are in life, then do something about it. If you want to grow, then do something about it. If you want to be your best you, then do it.

It's been an amazing journey for me, meditating, yoga but most importantly, becoming still. I'm always so busy and my mind is always on over load. I'm learning to tune out the noise in my head, the noise of others and of what you think is in other peoples head. Don't you know, we can have an entire conversation in our head based of assumptions.

It's been amazing in these last two months as I've watched the conversations in my head and not participated. I just simply let them pass through me and keep it all flowing. I'm leaning that from some of these Spiritual books I'm reading. I haven't mastered this passing through, but I'm working on it for sure. Half of life's drama stem from the conversations in our head.  We have convinced ourselves of some shit and then we act on it. I know this has been true for me.

My journey with HIV/AIDS has been a world wind to say the least. Shoot my life has been a world wind. The gratitude in my heart for the life that God has blessed me with is beyond measure: The growth that I have experience; The demons that I have buried; Learning to forgive and then forgiving, others and myself; The learning to like me, then love me and then act on that love has all been life changing.

Even with all the health challenges I'm currently facing, I'm learning to live in my right now and make the best decisions to be my best me.

At the end of the day, God has granted me the gift  of life, I want to live at my full potential. Don't you? Well then, Let's Go! 

Nevis: A Little Bit of Heaven on Earth!!

Last night I attended a reception with Deputy Premier the Hon Mark Brantley from Nevis, West Indies. I was impressed with him and what he had to say about his Island. He has charisma to the tenth power!  Check him out on Facebook Here!

An Oxford University trained attorney, he is the Minster of Tourism and the Minster of Health. He had me hooked the moment he walked into the reception all dapper and wearing Prada glasses no less. You know I love a well dressed man. LOL Most importantly, he was charismatic, warm, approachable, funny, and had lots to say.  He had our full attention the moment he stepped up to the podium.

When I was invited to this reception last week, I will admit that I had only heard about Nevis in passing. I took to the internet and of course the first thing I wanted to know was what this country is doing about HIV/AIDS. I was impressed.

Not only does it's leadership understand that HIV/AIDS is a health crisis that must be addressed, with all the right elements, testing, early treatment and prevention, they have also worked toward eliminating stigma around this disease. We all know that stigma is the barrier to early diagnoses, treatment and care. When a country decides that it will make every effort to create an environment where people can live whole and healthy with HIV they have won me over.
This was an event courting bloggers and the media to help them spread the word on this wonderful vacation destination. This is what I learned in a nut shell, Nevis is divine!! The pictures that I have seen makes me think that it's a little bit of heaven on earth.
Nevis is a destination get away for the person that wants to kick back, relax and rejuvenate. 
They have one flag ship hotel, the Four Seasons. I guess if you only have one hotel, it might as well be the best. Many of the plantations in Nevis have been turned into smaller hotels with fine dinning. Most of the plantations are in the mountains but there is one on the waterfront. Now that sounds extra divine for a person who appreciates history. 
This is not the place for power shopping top designer names but for all things art. As an art collector I wanted to jump for joy when Deputy Premier Brantley explained that Nevis is home to many famous artist. I imagined myself bringing an extra suitcase just for art, that's exactly what I did when I visited Cape Town, South Africa a few years ago.

Nor is it the place for "typical" tourism. Nevis is a beautiful laid back Island where a person can come relax and enjoy the beauty. Now don't get me wrong, there is something to do other than lay on the beach and water sports. They also have beautiful mountains where you can take a hike through wonderland. Here's a list of 101 things to do in Nevis HERE!



I had a lot of conversation with Greg Phillips who is the Chief Executive Officer for the Nevis Tourism Authority. The history lover that I am had to ask about colonization.

Nevis was colonized  by Great Britain and is highly influence by British culture. It is the birth place of  Alexander Hamilton one of our founding fathers. I was intrigued by the slave history of Nevis.

 In 1824, James Cottle a sugar cane plantation owner built the first church for slaves to worship where he worshiped along side his slaves. This Anglican church was never consecrated because it was against the law for slaves to worship. However, James Cottle has been credited as being a big influence on the abolishment of slavery in the British Empire.  In 1834 slavery was abolished in the British empire and the over 8,000 slaves, working mostly small sugar cane plantations were freed. Wouldn't it be great to tour some of this wonderful history?
For sure Nevis is a beautiful place with a rich history. If you are planning a vacation check them out!  Aren't you tired of the same old Island trips?  Nevis also seems like a wonderful place to have a designation weeding, it's certainly beautiful. I really want to go! 

You all know that I've been on a tight budget these last few years with this freaking bad economy, but for sure I'm going to work toward a planned trip to Nevis for myself.  

With this non-stop life, 15  pills a day, blogging, tweeting, speaking, designing bracelets and building my brand, Nevis sounds like the place for me to go and replenish. They can count me in! Now I just have to count up my dollars.
Greg Philip and Hon Mark Brantley

POW!! Named 10 Social HealthMakers on HIV and AIDS!!

 I woke up to the most amazing announcement. I'm so honored to have been named one of the top
This prestigious recognition will go right along side my other two blogging Awards; CBS Most Valuable Blogger in Health and Wellness and WeBlog Award in Health and Wellness.

When I started blogging I didn't know where this would lead or if I was doing the right thing.  Speaking engagements had died up with the economy and I knew that I had still had something to say. Most importantly, I knew that God still had work for me to do. There were many critics, from I can't believe that you would want to do such a thing as blog to, you are way to transparent.

Now, 4 years and one month later, 3 awards, over a million views and two syndications, I know that this is the path I was suppose to take. Blogging is where I give voice to the voiceless living with HIV and AIDS. Blogging is where I help people live whole and healthy. Blogging is where I help people find their worth. Blogging is my gift from God to you. Thank you for keep coming back.

My Journey Toward Discipline: Crossfit Girl!!

Counting today I will be 52 years old in 52 days. For sure I'm already celebrating in my heart and spirit. God has brought me a very long way and I stop and take notice every single day. While taking notice of the miracles of your life is important, it is also important to be your best you and to live your best life.

I know that working on oneself is hard. It requires, work! Yesterday I blogged about people taking the easiest path in many areas of their life for so many different reasons, from fear, nostalgist, comfort zone and the list goes on and on. 

I speak out of my own experience. Lord knows I have so many demons that were created from my crazy childhood, but somewhere along this journey I got tired of doing the same thing over and again and getting the same results. 

I went on a serious and painful journey in therapy to understand my crazy way of life and once I understood the root of the madness, I knew that I needed to make changes. 

It has been hard, I had to deconstruct everything that I knew about my life that was mad, angry and ugly, in order to reconstruct something whole and healthy. The Bible says, that you cannot put old wine in new bottles. I had to be willing to shed the old for the new.
In the last months I've been working on me in different areas. I'm ready to go to the next level in this journey as a way to be my best me, so that my best me can help others in their journey to be their best. I'm doing a lot of reading, all things spiritual. My life coaching business  is waiting on me and this time next year I want my own development to be ready to help others to grow.
Change is hard I've told you all that over and again. While I've worked through the main demons their are some other areas that  I struggle and lack discipline. For sure discipline is a transferable skill. If I can take 15 pills a day, their are other area of my life I can apply this same discipline. 
In my life coaching business I take clients who have issues in many different walks of life. But at the end of the day,  how can someone take me serious and yet I'm bitching about the same stuff in my own life? How can I help someone when I have lacked the discipline to help myself?
I'm working on my body image as a major issue for me to tackle. So many people with HIV suffer from HIV lipodystrophy. I got a phone call just last week from a medical provider asking me what I was doing about my body fat redistribution because they had a client that was having some real emotional issues around their own lipodystrophy. Back Ground of my HIV Lipodystrophy HERE.


It's no secret that I had liposuction under my chin. I was used as a case study to show other medical dermatologist that treat HIV infected people that they can provide this service for their patients.  Read Here

It should not just be reserved for expensive plastic surgeon. It was so successful that he has schedule others at the clinic. He's also going back under my chin in about 6 weeks to remove some more fat and then adding some more college injections in my cheeks.
Now taking the fat out of my chin was one thing, but they are not even trying to tackle all this body fat. That is left up to me. For many of you who follow me on Social Media you know that I started CrossFit back in October. 

I lost 17 pounds and over all inches in a matter of 7 weeks. I went from almost a size 14 at the top part of my body to a size 10. I also changed my diet to Paleo, basically, meat vegetables, fruit, nuts and seeds. I fell off the wagon on both of these somewhere around the Holiday and have been struggling to get back up. 





Today, I'm recommitting myself !! I'm challenging myself to workout 26 of the 30 days in the month of April. My goal is to wear a size 8 comfortably by my birthday May 22. 

Mr. Handsome has told me over and over again that consistency is key and I know that to be true. Those first 7 weeks I was all in. Lately, I've just had a hard time making it happen. I am examining those barriers on a much deeper level, so I can conquer them.

 I will admit, on the days that I'm not feeling well it's a lot easier giving myself over to how I'm feeling, rather than staying committed to being my best me. The fact is, when I push myself I'm actually able to come home and have a productive work day. Exercise gives me the boost that I need to jump start my day.
I'm on a mission to show other people living with HIV Lipodystrophy that their body shape can change with a change of diet and a commitment to exercise. My HIV doctor had been telling me for years to work out and she's elated right now. She said to me in my last visit,  "I continue to tell my other patients all they need to do is workout and all they do is just continue to bitch about the fat redistribution. I'm glad you are showing that it can be done."





CrossFit for sure has changed my life. I'm doing things that I never thought that I could do. Jumping on boxes is some dope shit. Every time I land, I say to myself, girl that's  you on top of this box. I love my CrossFit box, River North CrossFit. Everyone is rooting for everyone! The coaches are wonderful  and hard and I hate and love them all at the same time. 

For sure CrossFit has made me stronger and expanded my capacity. When I started I couldn't  squat to the ground, now my challenge is to squat to the ground with a weight baring bar. Every time I do a thing that I couldn't do the last time I feel accomplished. 

CrossFit is about capacity. The more you do it the better you will get and the harder it will get and the better you will get. It's a workout that mandates growth. For sure it's not for the faint at heart. 
My bottom line as I approach 52 is this, I'm  working on me to be my best me so that I can help others to be their best.

 I have lived with HIV for 31 years and AIDS for 22,  My life and purpose is the gift God has given to me.  I understand that my life and the growth therein helps others to grow, have faith and work on being their best.

CrossFit truly challenges me to be my best me. For sure I have become a Crossfit Girl. I just don't see myself going back to a traditional gym.  This time next year I will have made a major dent in all that body fat! This is my journey toward discipline watch me transform. *flips hair*
Post Script: BTW, I weighed in yesterday and I'm 140.5 pounds but the owner of River North CrossFit  Katie, said to me one day, it's about how you feel about yourself and how your cloths fit. When I reach my goal,  I will certainly weight more simply because muscle weights more than fat and btw muscle burns fat and fat burns nothing but your self esteem!!

You can follow my progress on Instagram hash tag #rltgetfit @Raelt

Monday Reflection: The Hardest Path- The Clearest Way..

I was reading in The Book of Awakening, that salmon make their way up stream by bumping repeatedly into blocked pathways until they find where the current is strongest. The rush of water for them means that there is no obstacle. For them, through the hardest going, the way is clear.
It made me think about us humans and all the things that we avoid because avoidance requires less work. For me, though, even when I have no gigs and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage the month's bills, I know that this is the path I am suppose to take.
My blog makes me no money, but yet, last month, I had 54,000 views. Doing the work that I do is the clearest way, but it's the hardest way and that's how it has gone for the last 21 years as an AIDS Activist. I was telling my BFF Luke the other day, the month that I was on the cover of Essence Magazine, the AIDS Housing assistance program paid my rent. I was just that broke, but yet that cover was the most talked about in Black America.
Also, for years after, in the area of love relationships, I wouldn't rock the boat because I didn't want to be alone. For sure that was connected to a deeper issue of self worth. Even claiming my worth was a hard road of therapy, self-reflection and eventually application. 

Knowing better and doing better are two different things and it has been one of the hardest part of my growth. Walking away from men or saying no to men that do not appreciate my value, over and above being alone is still hard. For me, it's the clearest path. Yet, on the other side of the coin, there are some who would prefer loneliness over the risk-taking that it requires in building something solid.  
I believe that all good things require work. Oprah says that luck is when opportunity meets preparation. There is no such thing in life as a free ride, not in career paths or love relationships. You must ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life downstream, being content with being content.
I know that my BFF is going through this now. Luke is an incredible, gifted producer. Almost a year ago, he left a well paying salary job to freelance. Freelancing has been the hardest path but it has been the clearest way. 

He has worked on some awesome projects in less than a year, the most successful season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, the BET Nelson Mandela coverage, he interviewed Spike Lee for BET's Oscar special and he was a part of the team that interviewed Lupita Nyongo for that same special. 

He has opened his own production company and is working on an awesome project for me, details later. He has been talking about doing this with me for years and I must remind him, if he was a staff producer at a network, he would not have had the time to work on this project. Producing is his passion, his gift and while its the hardest path, it's the clearest way. We always expect the pie to fall out of the sky, when it reality all things in life require work.
Doubt comes when you are in between your next gig. Doubt comes when you can't see clearly how it will all work out. Doubt comes when the checking account is low and you are deemed broke. Doubt comes when their are no new gigs. Doubt comes when you have your first bump in the road.  Doubt comes when you are missing him.  
 I dare venture to say, when seeking the hardest path, you may be broke financially speaking, yet rich in purpose. While you may be lonely, you love you for demanding respect of you. I believe its better to live with purpose and self worth than to have all the riches of the world.

Yet at the end of the day, I think that we should all be more like salmon and face life head on, and move our whole being through the hardest path to  the clearest way. 

Take a moment and center yourself Ask yourself what are you avoiding in your life? Identify the resistance what part is coming from you and what part from others?Look for your truth and let that guide you through the hardest path to the clearest way.

SHUT UP! RLT Collection and Real Housewives of Atlanta!

RHOA Mexico Trip!SHUT UP!!! I'm so excited! Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives wore bracelets from my line RLT Collection on last night's show, the Mexico Trip! I told you about my meeting with her back in January. Read Here But at that time, they had finished taping for the season and I had no idea that my bracelets would actually make the show. She never indicated that they had.

I had one picture with her wearing them, but I am so excited that they actually made this season's show. Check out more on Phaedra and this season HERE.

Bravo's Homepage

Well, I was delighted that my bracelets not only made the show, but made the  Bravo's homepage last night !! I'm all smiles and tinkle pink this morning!

Ms. Chanel Part Two

(continued from part one HERE) I pushed my Chanel handbag to the side and my toilet bath began. I tore off a good size piece of toilet paper and dipped it into the ice-cold toilet water. Then, I began to wash my body. I wiped off as much as I could from my behind, and then flushed the toilet paper. I pulled off another piece of toilet paper, dipped it in the ice-cold toilet water and repeated the procedure. Dip, wipe, flush, dip, over and over. After I’d gotten every single ounce of poop from one part of my body, I proceeded to the next until every trace was gone.
 As I sat on the toilet, wiping down the inside of my pants leg, I began to talk to God again. This time I asked, “Why? Why this? Why now?” I knew if I asked Him, sooner or later, He’d reveal his purpose. Maybe He wanted to remind me that a St. John suit is not my security blanket. Security is only in His arms and His love, no matter what the circumstances. Maybe it was to give me an incident, a situation that one day, at a future time I could use to inspire and encourage others. But this was not that day. After I finished cleaning myself, I dressed and washed my $150.00 LePerla panties in the toilet. I took some toilet paper, wrapped them neatly and placed them in the container next to the toilet.
I stepped out of that stall, walked to the sink and washed my hands. I took a long good look in the mirror, took a deep breath, reached into my Chanel and grabbed my make-up bag. I freshened my make-up. "Looking good," I thought. There were no outward signs of the assault that I had just gone through. I reached the bathroom door, turned the knob and walked out into the dining area.

With my head held high, I sashayed back to the table, still looking too cute in my black and white pinstriped St. John suit. My smile was sincere, because AIDS didn’t win. The diarrhea was a complete and vicious ambush. A total surprise, but it did not win. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt. It always hurts. But even though there were battle scars on my heart, and bruises on my ego, there was not one piece of poop on my St. John pantsuit or my beautiful black Chanel pumps. As I sat down in my booth and waited on my Five Nut Chocolate Brownie, a sense of joy swiped over me because I had not surrendered to the ugliness.
There have been many days in my life where I have had to hold my head high in the face of adversity. Yes, there were days that I was bloody, but over the years I learned to never bow. For me, it’s about how one maintains their dignity when their back is against the wall..... How you hold your head up, against the odds. Holding my head high was all I had that day. Beyond that, I couldn’t see any goodness in it. But God always has a way of using your pain for the goodness of others.

Post Script!
A year or so later, I told this story at a speaking engagement. That day, actress Sheryl Lee Ralph, also a speaker at the event, was inspired by my story. After the conference, she returned to Los Angeles and searched for other women who have been impacted by HIV/AIDS.

Sheryl placed these women’s voices center stage in a one woman show that she performs across the country. I am proud to be the anchor character, Ms. Chanel, in her one woman show, Sometimes I Cry, The Loves, Lives and Losses of Women Affected and Infected by HIV/AIDS.  Sheryl has literally touched the lives of thousands of people with her one woman show, while at the same time giving voice to women around the issue of HIV/AIDS.

Over these years Sheryl and I have forged a lasting friendship and partnership in our individual work around HIV/AIDS. I am proud to call her friend, and sister in this fight.  Yes, this incident was a reminder that God always has a plan for our pain: God can turn your mess into a message. Our role is to stand tall in the midst of it all.  

I am also honored to be working on my own one woman show, The Politics of Respectability  based on my book. I'm honored  Sheryl Lee Ralph will produce me in this one woman show. 

Get Your copy of The Politics of Respectability Here