Rae Lewis-Thornton's Blog, page 9

Ms. Chanel Part One!

As I strolled down Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, I was feeling too good and looking too cute to do anything other than take full advantage of the great weather. Chicago’s premiere shopping area was bustling with shoppers and sightseers, and I was one of them. Looking like a diva, from head to toe in my black and white pinstripe St. John’s pantsuit.
My black Chanel pumps and matching Chanel shoulder bag set my ensemble off just right. My jewelry was perfect. The sun’s reflection beamed out from the Pave diamonds in my ears. My three-carat diamond cross necklace, which was a gift from my sorority sister and friend, Allison Payne, draped perfectly around my neck. Catching a glimpse of myself in a store window, I was one poised woman. I felt alive. I felt totally in control. I was a power shopper in my element, and having a ball.

After hours of shopping, I glanced at my watch. It was really close to dinner time and skipping meals was a luxury I could not afford. I tore myself away and continued on to Houston’s, my favorite restaurant. On the inside, Houston’s was dark and cool, compared to the bright and sunny outdoors. The Maitre-d showed me to a booth, and as I sank down into its security, I gave God a silent “thank you” for the beautiful day. I thanked Him for the wonderful respite from this monstrous disease called AIDS, which was occupying my body. I hated all the ways AIDS tried to control and destroy me like an abusive lover, whose grasp I was not able to escape.

“Stop pondering negative stuff,” I told myself. I felt so good that I decided not to spend another minute thinking about AIDS or medications or side effects or anything but having a great time eating at my favorite restaurant. Any thoughts of HIV/AIDS would just have to wait for another time. I got down to real business. I ordered the Houston Hawaiian steak, a loaded baked potato, a Caesar salad and a glass of lemonade. Of course, dinner is never complete without dessert. So I ordered the Five Nut Chocolate Brownie Ala Mode in a Champagne sauce in advance. Before I knew it, the waiter was back with my meal. I hadn’t realized how hungry I actually was. I said a blessing over the food and then dug right in.

The steak was tender and juicy, cooked just right and the loaded potato was scrumptious. Somewhere between a forkful of steak and a bite of bread, I began to feel a somewhat familiar sensation. Something warm and liquid seemed to be easing its way out of my body. My first reaction was, “Oh no, this cannot be happening! Not here! Not now!” But as reality set in I realized that yes, it could be happening and probably was.

Still determined not to let anything ruin this day, I tried to gain control by flexing my anal muscles. I was bent on stopping it, but it was just as bent on continuing its course, right into my LaPerla panties. Slowly and cautiously, I stood up. It was then that I began to feel it drip down the leg of my St. John pants. That was the ultimate insult!

I started to the bathroom, determined not to panic. Diva Rule kicked in: “Beautiful people in beautiful clothes do not poop on themselves in public, and if they do, they remain in complete control of the situation.”

As I pulled down my panties and sat on the toilet, I kept telling myself, “It’s not as bad as you think it is.” Even in my distress, I reminded myself that the diarrhea was tapering off as of a couple of weeks ago, so how terrible could it be now? I got the answer to that question when I finished using the toilet.

Sitting there, I proceeded to take my pants off. In no way was I prepared for what I saw. My pretty lace panties were completely saturated in shit that covered the entire center of my butt. My left leg was covered with it, from the top of my thigh right down into my beautiful black Chanel shoe. Needless to say, it had painted the entire inside of my St. John pants leg.

At that moment it became abundantly clear to me that AIDS does not care about designer clothes or respect the solitude found in a favorite eatery. Neither St. John nor Chanel could do a damn thing to protect me. Not even my diamond cross was able to ward off that sudden onslaught of diarrhea. The ugly truth was that AIDS had a complete and utter disregard for everyone, everything and every body. Finding myself unprotected once again, I sat there, and faced up to the fact that there was no protection in clothes, no matter how big the designer names, no matter how huge the price tags.

AIDS had ambushed me, literally from behind, my behind, and all I had to fight it with was a roll of toilet paper. I pulled some off and began to wipe myself. I wiped and I wiped, and the more I wiped, the more I spread the poop around without actually cleaning it off.

I realized that nothing less than water was going to get rid of this mess and that posed a real dilemma. This was a public bathroom with multiple stalls, and the only privacy I had was in a tiny stall with a toilet. The sink was on the other side of the room. I knew I couldn’t walk out of that stall, leg covered in shit, wearing neither pants nor panties. And what was clearest of all was that this was one huge mess!

I sat for a moment trying to regain myself. I had to think this thing through. Looking to heaven, I whispered, “God, I know you’re up there.” And really, I did know He was up there, looking down on me. But just for a brief moment, maybe a split second, I felt abandoned. I felt unprotected.

I was almost ready to engage in a total pity party, but when I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes started to water, I put my foot down. I refused to let that tear emerge from my eye. Crying was not an option. This was my day. Maybe AIDS had ambushed me and tried to ruin my clothes, but I refused to let it ruin my day or my disposition. “Sorry, AIDS,” I thought, “this is one battle you’re not going to win.”

It was the only solution possible under the circumstances, a toilet bath? Never heard of it? Neither had I.

To Be Continued Tomorrow...

Post Script:
This Blog Post was taken from my current book, The Politics of Respectability. For more of my best blogs  get your copy HERE.

Come Handout With Me Little Rock!

I'm Speaking at the University of Arkansas in Conway today! That's Wednesday, March 19th at 7:00 P. M.  The program is free and open to the public.

This will be a candid discussion on relationships among women. Center stage will be this idea of respectability. Who defines it and why. This is a topic dear to my heart since my honorary membership in Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc. was rescinded over my tweets, May 1, 2012!  Come hang out with me, it should be a great discussion.

Nawwww I'm Not Tired of Men... Are You?

Lynette's CommentI'm always amazed at how women respond to my blog post both good and bad. I use to internalize this stuff until I realized that the response really isn't so much about me, but about them. I find this to be true no matter the comment, good or bad.

Sometimes though, people think they are being super smart and the motives are really a dig at me. So I started treating comments on my blog, like I do at my speaking engagements when somebody comes for me.

First, I step back and ask ,why are they coming for me? Typically I'm able to hit it on the nail, but then I try to use it as a teaching moment. So last week when I was knee deep in my hot flash drama, Lynette who I don't know, made this comment on my blog post, Live by the Golden Rule! Treat People the Way You Want to be Treated! You can read it here. This is her comment, "Your entire life and the problems within are the direct result of dealing with men. Aren't you tired boo?"

My first impulse was, woman why are you coming for me? But after that hot flash passed, I said, You know Lynette is so correct. My life has been impacted by men both good and bad. For sure men have caused me pain. I was molested as a young girl by the men (yes plural) who were suppose to protect me. That then lead me on a path of early sexual activity in my preteens, which lead me on a path of in and out of relationships and POW HIV by age 20. These things are undisputed facts about my life and it is no secret. I have blogged about my it, talked about it in news interviews and spoken about it.

Yansa's CommentWith this truth in tote, I wondered what was Lynette's real point and what she wanted me to do.
 1) Was she just really coming for me or was it my imagination  2) Does she want me to become a lesbian 3) Does she want me just give up dating altogether or 4) Does she want me to try and get it right. Which of course is what I'm trying to do, that was the point of the blog post.

Furthermore, anyone that have been a avid reader of my blogs or have read my book, knows that I've done worked on myself to the 10th power. So then that lead me to be even more confused about Lynette's comment. Cause yeah Boo I'm tried and yes Boo I've done something about it! Took me years to get here but I done arrived

Now I'm never going to give up men cause frankly, I think life should be spent in companionship. And good lawed, there's nothing like being in a mans arms. But just because I'm trying to get it right, don't mean it's gonna be right. It does mean however, that I love me enough to say to a man you cannot treat me in this manner. It also means that if we can't see eye to eye, then I love me enough to keep it moving, no matter how much I want him in my life.

The fact of the matter, men will treat you based on what they think is right.  and how they have treated women in the past.

Their right may not be right for you and you gotta have enough balls to say this don't feel good. I liked Yansa's comment above, for sure she is a avid reader of my blog and her comment made a light bulb ding in my head.

It was the best self love advice anyone could have given me and it brought me back to my senses unlike Lynette's comments they made me want to say Boo why you read my blog?

Now I'm not irrational when it comes to meeting a man somewhere in between. I know for sure that no single man and woman will ever see eye to eye on a topic. We are the coming together as two. No man or woman should want a pasty. But rather, someone who respects and values you for who you are. Respect is key for me. But what I will not do is allow a man to be half/in half/out but still get what they need from me emotionally and leave me empty. I love myself to much for that. We should both benefit from a relationship, thats what makes it a relationship. And truth be told, mutual respect and benefit should begin day one.

So you are right Lynette Boo, I am tired and I will not accept less than what I deserve. Will I ever give up on men? Nawwww. I want companionship, but I also want a man who understands my value and treats  me there within, so I'm never gonna close the door.

Most importantly, I'm never going to give up on this life and all that comes with it. I have no idea what God has for me so I dare not stop. I plan to go and see what the end is going to be.  Shoot just a month ago I drank cognac for the first time in my life. That was an experience that I would have never had, if I had not met Mr. Handsome. Mainly because I felt safe with him. So why stop living in your life when there is so much to be explored?

And on a side note, No matter how many times a person comes for me. I'm never going to stop sharing my journey because I never know who just might get a breakthrough from of my willingness to be vulnerable.

Pushing Through The Inferno

Last week I felt like I was stuck in Dante's Inferno. It felt like I was going through 9 levels of hell here on earth and the inferno of hot flashes was an allegory of my life.

I was so overwhelmed by these hot flashes that my life spiraled downward as the week progressed. I can't even began to explain how stressed I was.

It's like when we say in Social Media "My current situation," for me is was burning from the inside out with no relief in site..

Nothing was accomplished, I didn't workout, work on bracelets, even the two blogs that I did post were written on last Sunday and scheduled for Monday and Tuesday.

Last week I couldn't think beyond my right now. After 4 weeks of literally operating on less than 4 hours of sleep a night, I knew that a change had to come. I was back and fourth to the doctors the last two weeks trying to be cleared medically to take Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

This perimenopause I'm going through has been no joke. The hot flushes were so bad I started to have heart palpations. Every time I tried to dose off, I would get this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I thought that I was loosing my freaking mind. You talking about scared and feeling helpless, that's exactly how I felt. My super woman cape was in the trash bin looking up at me helplessly. I didn't know how to deal with this lack of control that I was feeling and that added more stress.

I felt abandon, alone and crazy but I know that I wasn't. First off, God has got me in any situation that I face. I know this in my heart of hearts. God will never forsaken me, even if in that moment I feel alone. All I got to do is hold on until my change comes. No pun intended. The fact is, I didn't lose my mind last week because of God's covering.

Then those who care about me were at least checking in regularly. Tiara kept in close contact while vacationing in Vegas for  spring break. She kept my mind occupied by sending me text's of her shopping spree and other interesting sites in Vegas. The same for Luke. He was on his birthday holiday in Miami, but he reached out daily, always hoping for a better day. And my friend forever, Keith called helpless and all, but he was at least there with an supportive ear. No one knew really what to say, or how to make it better, except to say, hang in there, it will get better, we are here for you. That went a long way in not feeling so isolated.

By Wednesday, which was week 4 of  this madness, I was so sleep deprived and hot flashed out of my freaking mind I knew I needed more help.

It took everything in me to ask, but I knew that I was not going to sleep on my own. Then this anxiety I'm experiencing is scary, so my doctor prescribed me something in the Valium family to calm me down and help me rest. I also started a high dose of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) on Wednesday. I slept off and on Thursday and  on Friday, back from Spring Break Fun,  Tiara came to stay with me.

But the hot flashes are not letting up. Me and Tiara were in the cold to the store at 11:00 on Friday night getting me some frozen fruit bars.  For Real... She is such a trooper. Side bar: I'm so glad that I spoke at her school last year and our paths crossed. She is such a blessing to me.

I'm flashing day and night. I'm trying everything I can to adapt to this current situation. After only a few days of HRT, I'm still waking up in the middle of the night from the flashes, but the Valium is helping me to go right back to sleep.

Yesterday morning when I got up, I took to the internet to read as much as I could about
perimenopause. I had already read some on perimenopause in HIV infected women. We tend to have more serve hot flashes and other symptoms, but I need solutions!! You can read last weeks Blog Here where I talk more about HIV and menopause.

Right now I'm operating on the reserve in my empty gas tank but I'm on a mission.  This is a new week, with new possibles!!  I'm freaking tried of feeling helpless and out of control. Between the hot flashes, the night sweats, anxiety, mood swings, sleep deprivation, lack of productivity, simple decision making hard, exhaustion, sleeping nude, sleeping with no heat, sleeping with the window open on a Chicago winter night, taking my temperature because I think I have a fever, parched lips, eating popsicles, I'm over it!!

Now that I am medicated, I'm hoping to play catch up with life. I'm off to the gym this morning to see if I'm able to keep up. But most importantly now that I'm at least starting to be in my right mind with some sleep from the Valium, I'm on a war path with this menopause. I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can to get me through this journey. I ordered some books and can't wait to dive into it.

By weeks end I'm hoping to be off this valium. The tricky part is that I'm on the road this week speaking. I hate to be this stressed and medicated on the road, but I got do what I gotta do. This program at the University of Arkansas has been scheduled for months, so I'll keep it moving

I'm hoping that Hormone Replacement Therapy  (HRT) is working by then. The only possible snag is that HIV antiviral medications reduces the strength of HRT, so I may have to increase the already high dose that I'm on, but the doctor wants to give this dose at least a couple of weeks.     And thanks to everyone that has suggested some of the herbal treatments. I can not take natural herbal supplements because they interfere with HIV medications.

I am on a mission, seeking out the things that I can do to reduce some of theses symptoms. I'm not at a good place right now. I'm in the middle of my own private hell, but you better believe that I'm going to do everything possible to push my way out of Dante inferno. My Super Woman Cape is waiting on me!

Live By The Golden Rule! Treat People How You Want To Be Treated!

It's common for women to go along to get along because no one wants to be along. I will admit that over the years I have tolerated some shit so that I wouldn't rock the boat.
It's like this, men have a way of flipping the script and making you seem crazy cause you called them on their shit. For many many years I would allow stuff just to keep him and the peace. Men are quick to throw in your face your crazy, your drama and that becomes the issue. Then you find yourself defending you, and not addressing the real issue.
As I've grown to understand my worth and apply that worth to my life, I tend to be less tolerable of some things that leave an uneasy feeling within me. Now in full disclosure, I'm human and my first impulse is to KEEP THAT MAN! I said in my blog last week that I needed to work on me in some areas. While I don't always like how I react, and how that then manifest itself to the other person, it doesn't negate how that person made me feel.
As time passes, reality sits in and it hits you, fowl is fowl no matter how you slice or dice it. What makes fowl even fowler is when a man sees no wrong in his behavior, just the wrong in your reaction to his behavior.
I live by the golden rule, to treat people how you want to be treated!  I speak and I expect to be spoken back to, bottom line. Like I knew it was time for my ex-husband to go when he would come into the house and fix him a plate of dinner that I had prepared without mumbling a word to me.
He traveled on the road with me back in the day and somedays he would stand in the back, with his arms folded in a Donna Karen suit, money from my gigs had purchased and hadn't said more than two words to me that day. It was ugly, but I knew that I had to let him go and face the fall out; and I did it and never looked back.
Respect is respect 24 hours a day. It's like this,  If I text someone 3 times in one day with no response, and then text them the next day and finally get a short and dry response 3 hours later, that's some rude shit.
First off, it was rude that it took 14 hours for them to respond from the first of 4 texts, especially with someone that you are building some kind of realtionship with.
It's a total disregard of the person. Actions at that moment says either you are not important to me, or what I am doing is more important and cannot share the same space with you.
Let me take it a step further, a person doesn't respond for two reasons in my opinion, bottom line. 1) They are ignoring you  or 2) They are so emotionally engaged somewhere else, that they are emotionally disengaged from the person that is reaching out to them.
Now let me be clear, this does not mean necessarily that the person is out their fucking. Nor does it mean malice intent. i.e. they didn't sat out to hurt you, they just did. If this has never happened in the past, bullshit ain't nothing, it's clear that the person has disconnected from you for whatever reasons they thought valid, and it is what it is.
The extra bothersome part for me is when people don't take ownership and make you the bad guy. Now in truth, whether a relationship makes it or not, treating people with the same respect that they have treated you and with the respect that you deserve to be treated should be the golden rule.
Truth be told, because you've behaved in a certain way in the past, does not make it right. It's bothersome when a man says to you, what I did to you was a small thing, I've done worst, so get over it. Like how does one proudly say that they disregarded someone's feeling that they cared about  as some band of honor?
It would be great if men could have more self examination rather than incrimination. Wouldn't it be great for a man to say, I made her feel less then, what can I do to change it, to make the relationship better, rather than seeing her feelings as a red flag to stop movement in the relationship?
I've always been such an honorable person that I don't know how to handle lack there of. I treat people how I want to be treated and if I don't, I take ownership and use that moment to be a better me for me and for them.
What I do know for sure, no matter how much I like a man, I have standards and I expect any man in my life to want the best for me, no matter how young or old the relationship may be, whether its day 2 or day 2002.
 I said in my blog When Women Don't Listen To Men, at the end of the day, you can't make someone love you or want you or want more with you. No matter how much you bond. No matter how good the chemistry is in bed or out of bed for that matter. No matter how much you like him. But whatever barriers a person have that prevents them from taking a risk with you, should not alter your worth.
The same is true, when a man is half-in/ half-out emotionally. The question for you then is how long will you wait, or what will you tolerate as he journey's through his emotions?
My golden rule of self-love, well ummm, when I'm through blogging and the lights are off, how and what I feel about me will determine what I do next.
I never really know what I will do when, I'm not that premeditated. I'm also learning patience in my old age LOL ... But what I do know for sure, I don't spend a lot of nights not liking me for accepting less then what I deserve.

Tap Into Your Power! National Women And Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day!

Today is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day! I don't have a speaking engagement but I am spending the day answering questions on my Social Media Sites, Instagram, Twitter and my Facebook Fan page. Feel free to join the discussion.

This past Saturday evening I participated in an event in honor of National Woman and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day that I thought was great! The Shop and Sip sponsored by the Social Butterfly Foundation was a great concept of socializing and activism. Tiara was home from spring break and she hung out with me for the night as we sold bracelet and books and she made sure that I was hanging in there. She's such a mother hen for a young woman. LOL

Me and Tiara The event was cool! They had other women vendors selling items, music and food. Condoms and lube was everywhere and they had free HIV testing! The proceeds from the admission went to benefit, The Chicago Women's AIDS Project.

The Social Butterfly Foundation was founded by Kisha Roberts in honor of her mother who passed from complications from AIDS. Her mom's birthday actually falls on National Woman and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day and she does something every year to celebrate her life and legacy. Her mother lived openly with her HIV status because she didn't want her daughters to make the same mistakes she had. This is Kisha and her family's way of  helping to keep Mom's legacy alive!

We are always talking about what African-Americans are not doing about HIV/AIDS when the fact is, there are individuals who make a difference everyday. The Social Butterfly Foundation is a mentioning group of young adult women to teen girls. The message was loud and clear throughout the night, women are entrepreneurs, we are Diva's who have spending power, we are women who have control over our lives, health and body!

The Social  Butterfly Leadership!The fact is, women are in charge of there destiny and we can turn the HIV statistics around. The HIV reality is this, it's 2 to 1 that a man will infect a woman with HIV and 20 to 1 that a woman will infect a man.

The bottom line, over half of the cases of women infected with HIV are through heterosexual sex. It is up to us ladies to live healthy and whole. We must demand condom use and we must demand respect from men! Anything less, lessen your value.

My message today is simple! If you do not have HIV, then you must take every measure to prevent it! While there are many advances in treatment HIV is a life changer and the longer you live with this disease the harder it gets. Prevention is still our best course of action.

 Love yourself enough to use a condom. Remember this, at the end of the day, all you have is what you see and what you think you know. If the penis ain't in your pocket you have no idea what it's doing when it ain't with you. I say often, that I hope what you think you know about your partner is true.

If you have not been tested for HIV within a year, you are not living your best life. Know your HIV status so that you can live as best as you can. The earlier you know your HIV status the longer you live. Pregnant women who learn their status early and get into treatment reduce the risk of infecting their child to 2-3%. To locate a free testing center Click HERE

You need to ask your guy straight up his HIV status. No one has a right to make a discussion for your body! When you don't ask, you are surrendering that control!  Better yet, go get tested together, you eat and fuck together, then why not get tested together.

Lastly, If you are infected, you can do this.! If I can do this for 31 years with mediocre treatment you can do it today with incredible treatment. Always stay on top of your health. Read and understand how this disease progresses and how it effects your body. Knowledge is power.

My doctor told a reporter once that my secret was that I did what I was suppose to do. How else would I know what to do, unless I read, ask questions and co-manger my care? Case and point,  this perimenopause issue I'm dealing with now, I am learning all that I can. I'm reading about what this means for me as an woman infected with HIV. I am also doing everything possible to minimize the impact. To simply take your HIV medication everyday in a vacuum is not living your best life with this disease, you must educate yourself.

At the end of the day, I want women to  know that we have so much unspoken and untapped power! My challenge to you today, whether  you are infected or affected is to tap into the power within you, for a better you!

RLT Collection Flash Sale!

Hey Lovely's!! If you had your eye on a bracelet, I'm having a weekend Flash Sale  March 7-9  for RLT Collection, 20% off coupon code flashsale2014  SHOP HERE!

Aging With HIV Part Two!

It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been up since 2:30. I woke soaked and wet yet again. I changed my night clothes and shifted to the other side of the bed, but sleep wouldn't be coming. I decided to go ahead and get today's blog done.

Yesterday, I went to my gynecologist to find some solutions to my perimenopause issues. When I came home I was beat emotionally and physically. First off, she removed my IUD, which I've had for 5 years to help regulate my issues from endometriosis. That left me bleeding heavy and cramping. All I wanted to do was take pain medication and crawl into bed.

Speaking of cramping along with heavy periods, that was the norm for more than 10 years because of endometriosis. Now actually, menopause corrects endometriosis and we were hoping that I was moving in the right direction. But then last Sunday, after 7 months, I got a period out the freaking blue. As of today, I've been bleeding for 10 days. So, this Thursday, I'm having a vaginal ultrasound to see what's going on. From those test results, she will determine if I will need to have an endometriosis biopsy next week to explore a little deeper. So keep me in your prayers because that is one biopsy that is some kind of painful. I have had three and all I was good to do afterwards is go straight to bed.

We dived into solutions to some of my perimenopausal issues. First off, she confirmed some of the information that I've been reading on my own, that women with HIV have a more difficult perimenopause than women who are not infected with HIV.

With that out of the way, I learned some new stuff. So I'm waking up wet in the middle of the night as I explained in Monday's Blog. Actually, I was blown away to learn that I am actually having hot flashes in my sleep and that's what's making me sweat and then the dampness wakes me out of my sleep. She did say that the mood swings are basically common for perimenopausal women from sleep deprivation that's caused by the hot flashes. Shut UP! What a crazy cycle! Keep living and you will learn something new everyday. Hot Flashes in your sleep. WOW!

So we have a couple of options. There is an antidepressant that has shown to help perimenopausal women's hot flashes. Or we could do Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Which I did a couple years back briefly, when I first started to have hot flashes. This is the route we are gong to take, HRT. But first I need to have a mammogram in addition to the ultra sound before I start and that's scheduled for next week. A mammogram is necessary because a woman can develop breast cancer after 5 years on HRT. We need a baseline before I  start! Also, before I start HRT, she wants to make sure that there's nothing really serious going on with this bleeding I'm having.

Also with HRT, it appears that women with HIV on antiviral medication, need to take a higher dose of HRT medication because HIV antiviral's actually interact with HRT. I know a lot of women take natural alternatives, instead of HRT, but those also interfere with HIV medication, like St. John's Wart for example so I can't go that route.

Anyhoo, at least I'm on the road to getting things back to normal. It will be at least two weeks before I'm able to start HRT. I'm praying that all things are good with my test and I'm counting down to relief. In the meantime, I do what I do, keep pressin' and do my best. I'll keep you posted after all my tests are back.

We also revisited the topic of Osteoporosis. She wants me to be diligent and take calcium everyday and to do 30 minutes of weight barring exercise 5 days a week! Doctors orders!

I said it in Monday's blog and I'll say it again. I try to convey everyday that HIV is a hard disease to live with. It really is more complicated than one pill a day. If you do not have HIV, keep it that way. Who knew that I would have to face another set of issues as I age with this disease? Prevention is our best course of action!

Aging With HIV Part One Click HERE!

Growing Pains...

At 51 I'm not ashamed to say that I'm still a work in progress!! I learned something new about myself everyday that I don't like! Discovery, then acceptance is the first two steps. But the real question is what are you going to do about it, that is, the thing you learned about yourself? You see it's not enough to know better, but at some point you have to replace the old with the new! The Bible says that you cannot put new wine in old bottles. At the end of the day, it's the action behind the discovery that makes us great .

So this is the deal, over the weekend I had a clash with two men that are special to me, my Pastor and Mr. Handsome. It was two totally different topics but it had the same result; it made them irritated with me.

I could on the one hand, right it off as my freaking hormones all over the place and partly that could be true. The doctor confirmed that for me today. The lack of sleep is causing my mood swings.

But that would be the easy way out, so another truth is that I tend to see things in black and white and that makes me overreact. Well, honestly this is a trait of many Adult Children of Alcoholics, that I share. I remember in my early 20's Mrs. Jackson would say to me after an argument with Jesse, Jr. (We were always feuding about something or another) Mrs. Jackson would say just as calmly, "Rae it doesn't pay to be so damnn right"

For sure she had a point, because sometimes you win the battle and lose the people in the fight and for sure that's not always your intended outcome!

Now this thing about being right is relative because everyone's right has some validity. Sometimes it's a matter of respecting that everyone has a way of doing things and unless it's a total volition of you, and even if it is, it's there right. I learned that in Al- Anon, that a person has a right to make choices for their life even if you don't like the intended outcome for your life.

At the end of the day, people don't always live with you in mind and that's not a bad thing because we each have to live our own lives, where we intersect great!

Another person's way of doing and saying things isn't always meant to be mean or hurt you. A person's way of expression is just that. If you know a persons heart then that should be enough to get you pass that moment of what you are feeling.

With this said, I was reminded in both of these situations that I really need to work on some areas of my life. I keep saying that I really want to be my best me. I'm using these moments as  teaching moments and a catalyst to be a better me.

Someone who's opinion that I value said to me today, that Mr. Handsome is a shock to my system in a good way.  He is shaking things up over here. For sure he  has made me take a critical look through the lenses of which I view life; and when a person helps you to grow that's always a good thing. Pastor, well in a small but significant way, showed me that whatever I was tripping about had no validity.

Both of these men I certainly respect and are happy to have them in my life, that is without a doubt. I'm glad they have crossed my path. Even in an narrow way, I'm happy for my craziness, because it reminded me that I still have work to do on myself. At the end of the day, all we can really account for is ourselves and you must love the skin that you are in, or do something about it.

RLT Collection! Rosewood Collection!

Hey Lovely's I just added a beautiful collection  of Rosewood Bracelets to RLT Collection. I saw this Rosewood and I knew that I wanted to design with it. I stretched my imagination using my Motto- A Bracelet for Every Woman  as my starting point. The beads are 6 and 8 mm in size. I use Copper, Angelic Crystal, Czech Glass and Resin to create these wonderful designs. There are 10 designs in total. Mix and Match, but for sure Stack! SHOP Rosewood HERE!

The designs are Funky, Classic, Edgy and even  an AIDS Awareness design. I was able to acquire this Rosewood at a great price, so I'm giving you a great price. Every bracelet in this Collection is $25.00, but the quintiles are limited so don't delay if you see something that you like.
Shop HERE!
Shop HERE! Shop HERE! Shop HERE! Shop Here!