Pat Hatt's Blog, page 67

The Warrant Is Out With This Shout!

The cat will guarantee this post for you. You can count on that at your zoo. There is nothing to fear at all by reading through it at my hall. So go ahead and read at your typical speed.

When you read,
Your eyes do the deed.
Not as fun as other deeds.
But you take care of those needs.

Your eyes then strain,
If they are in pain.
But hopefully that's not true.
If so, glasses may be needed by you.

Then from your eye,
Your brain gives it a try.
You work through the words,
As they come like herds.

Fast or slow,
Damned if I know,
That's on you.
Then you get a clue.

False or true?
Believe my zoo?
Amuse or confuse?
Both I use.

So your brain is thinking.
Your eyes may be winking.
Going through some weird blinking.
To my post you are linking.

You've gone insane.
I over worked your brain.
That is rather sad.
But whoops, too bad.

You didn't read the fine print.
It may have been covered in lint.
But that is still on you.
Now you have bad eyes at your zoo.

Oh, you've been here years?
To that I give cheers.
But whoops, your warranty lapsed.
We don't care if your eyes collapsed.

Oh, you read two posts at once?
Well aren't you a dunce.
That voided it too.
Sorry, your warranty is through.

Hmmm, I guess the cat doesn't warrant anything. Are you mad now at my wing? Don't you love warranties that come to pass? Most have clauses and are worthless junk in mass. But oh, you have it there. It is there to spare. Pffft and then it breaks apart like stepped on glass. I can warrant that from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Adding To Create Padding!

The cat will help you out today. I will make more sense of things at my bay. A cat helping humans at his sea. That is rather nice of me. Or maybe it is not with the additions brought.

You need to get a grip.
Of an electrified wire.
Feel free to give lip,
If you hair catches fire.

Go piss up a rope.
And let it hit your eye.
Nearby have some soap,
For that's not tears you cry.

No comments from the peanut gallery,
Or I'll give you an allergic reaction.
Then I'll take away your salary,
And leave you in traction.

Were you born on a raft,
Or just in the riverbank?
Either way, you're quite daft.
No go walk the plank.

If I must be Frank,
Or Tom, Dick or Harry,
You smell rather rank,
And you are rather scary.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't,
Or maybe you're just damned.
Take it back I won't,
Even if the door was slammed.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,
Or three in a tree or four in your rafter.
Or maybe five spurting crap from their tush.
That would provide no laughter.

Go pound sand up your ass,
Then stick in a giant plug.
That would hurt in mass.
The sand may even contain a bug.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions,
And the prying eyes of nosey Parkers.
The last gets no mentions,
Watch out for three headed barkers.

In for a penny, in for a pound,
But won't go in just any.
Do you think I a hound,
That goes around to many?

Hmmm, they may be a bit wordy and not stick. Some though are far more threatening and/or ick. Any additions you add to sayings that are used over and over again? I'm sure many have heard a ton at their den. But have you changed or maybe rearranged? I could go on forever with this pass. You humans provide a lot of material to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sign Up With Me! The First Month's Free!

Get ready to be amazed. You will sure be phased. Phased by a whole lot. You'll want to pay for this plot. And pay and pay and pay. Oh yeah, it's free here today.

Sign up for access.
You can't make a mess.
Get all the great movies here.
"Great" isn't unclear.

We have Adam Sandler with us.
So great you won't fuss.
We have all the great ones.
Look, there are tons.

No, we don't have that.
Nope, that one falls flat.
Nah, those rights were taken.
Okay, maybe we are fakin.

Sign up for the best.
We beat all the rest.
We have everything you'll want.
Even subtitles with great big font.

Oh, we didn't get that one.
Nope, that one was too fun.
Nah, we couldn't buy the rights.
But forget keeping on the lights.

Sign up for even more.
We have so much in store.
You'll never be bored.
Your credit card info will be safely stored.

You'll get shows by the ton.
We've got every single one.
Every single one we could buy.
Whoops, did we tell a white lie?

Sign up because we're new.
We have plenty to view.
I know you heard that before.
But it is true with our encore.

See? Plenty to see.
You can trust me.
Sharknado is on display.
That must truly make your day.

And the first month's free.
Cancel any time at your sea.
Shhh we all still have your credit card.
But canceling isn't very hard.

Don't you love signing up for free? And then they ding and ding and ding thee. To get what you want you have to sign up for ten. May as well pay for cable at your den. Then you got sign ups for this, that and the other thing too. What's a poor credit card to do? Pffft I'll stay entertained by the singing bass. He is much cheaper for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Is This Really A Post At My Coast?

Yep, I'm really asking you that. Did you just read the words of the cat? So is this a post? Maybe it's a weenie roast. I don't have one of those. The vet went snip snip and there she goes.

Are you working?
Nah, I'm jerking.
Did I just go gutter?
Did it make you stutter?

Are you painting?
Nah, I'm fainting.
Fainting with a brush in hand.
My, isn't fainting grand.

Are you walking?
Nah, I'm gawking.
Gawking at an idiot now.
Look at you. Wow!

Are you sleeping?
Nah, I'm house keeping.
Under the covers I go.
It is so productive you know.

Are you showering?
Nah, I'm cowering.
The toilet is so scary.
I think I saw something hairy.

Are you sitting?
Nah, I'm spitting.
See that little spittle?
It's magic and will make you brittle.

Are you writing?
Nope, I'm fighting.
Fighting with the keyboard.
Look! I just pulled the cord.

Are you eating?
Boy, this is getting fleeting.
Are you that dumb?
Head up your bum?

Are you alive?
I wish you'd take a dive.
Getting lost at sea.
Isn't that nice of me?

Aren't I so mean?
Aren't you watching a screen?
Aren't you the imaginative one?
Aren't you glad these soooo hard questions are done?

Why do people right in front of you ask such stupid questions at their zoo? Do they believe them not to be true? Look, he's on the toilet, I'll ask what is coming due. Pfffft whoever says there aren't stupid questions are stupid too. Plenty of stupid ones come due. Ask a hard one and its back to beats me. Low brain cell count can sure affect thee. Do you ask such obvious things to ones near your blog wings? I had to give it another pass as real life dumbies keep asking very stupid questions to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Abused Or Confused? Either Way I'm Amused!

The cat heard someone repeat this eleven times as they yapped the other day. Yep, I counted at my bay. Said it in a span of three minutes or so too. I guess they truly never knew.

What was that?
Chew the fat.
Talk and rant.
Whoops, a slant.

Here it comes.
Ho and hums.
Or hums and hos?
Only Santa knows.

Or maybe not.
Things got to pot.
Get ready for it.
It sure is a hit.

Anticipation rising?
The cat you're despising?
How do I know?
I don't at my show.

But what do I say?
Said it many a day.
Not eleven times in a row,
That would annoy a crow.

Ready to see?
It comes to be.
On a spree.
It's the beats me.

What was that?
You got beat like a dingbat?
Beat by words?
Beat by birds?

Beat by a kangaroo?
Did it have Blue's shoe?
Do you have lots of bruises?
Don't wear swimwear on cruises.

Was it a metaphorical beating?
That has to be fleeting.
Bruised on the brain.
That must be a pain.

Dumbed down by a fake beating.
My, that's weird trick or treating.
You must have not checked your candy.
I hope you have poison control's number handy.

Did you get that? Are you on to the cat? Confused as can be? That's normal at my sea. Will you get it though? Beats me at my show. It really beats me. Beats me flies free. Beats me each day. Beats me is all I can say. Beats me why. Beats me sure wants to fly. I must have lots of bruises now. Beats me sure can wow. Beats me if you'll give sass. Either way, I'll still remain a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Dream A Little Dream Down Stream!

The cat would never stand in your way. Dream away at your bay. I'll be far far far away for some. Especially the dreams of the dumb. What was that? Dreams aren't dumb where any is at?

I dream to float.
Float like a boat.
I jump in and sink.
Dream drove me to drink.

I dream to fly.
Fly upon high.
I jump from a tall tower.
Dream brought a human splatter shower.

I dream to eat.
Eat and defeat.
My stomach went boom.
Dream blew me like a mushroom.

I dream to look cool.
Plastic face does rule.
Now I can strike a mannequin pose.
Dream came out smelling like a rose.

I dream to beat a car.
Playing chicken after a night at the bar.
I won't flinch first.
Dream and car made me burst.

I dream to win the lottery.
Then I'll take up pottery.
I spent every last cent today.
Dream left me broke without pay.

I dream to own a lion.
I'm sure tryin.
I just became a snack.
Dream made me part of the pack

I dream to walk naked in snow.
The arctic is where I want to go.
Things did freeze and I did die.
Dream led to a human Popsicle for an Eskimo eye.

I dream to find a mate.
I'm going to order a Russian date.
I got nothing for my dough?
Dream ended up making nothing grow.

I dream to stay away.
Stay away from such a foray.
And look, that I can do.
My dream came true.

Still think all dreams are grand? Don't you want them all coming due across the land? I suppose that would weed out the dumb in the human race as they take up cemetery space. That is if anything is left behind but the splatter of mankind. What was that? Hey, I'm not a gruesome cat. Not my dream at my sea and no zombie feet came to be. Sorry, not really, that I broke such dreams like glass. I'm just that kind of dreaming little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Advertise Here Ever So Clear!

The cat was out and about the other day when someone tried to get me to advertise at their bay. They said this, that and the other thing. Of course all a familiar ring.

We got the site.
It's just the best.
Your sales will take flight.
We're better than the rest.

So advertise here.
It's as simple as that.
I'm sure you will cheer,
With clicks like that.

And so it goes.
Most you can suspect.
They strike a merry pose,
Thinking you can't neglect.

Pffft and walk away.
But how can you?
Easy at ones bay.
They just haven't a clue.

But they were cheery.
Their stats are there.
Nothing about it eerie.
Unless written on their underwear.

I still strolled away.
And on they went.
They hit replay,
When they needed to get bent.

But we got the site.
You shouldn't refuse.
Sales will take flight.
You surely can't lose.

Nothing is greater.
Not around here.
We corner the crater.
You have nothing to fear.

In one ear, out the other.
Thought her jargon would work.
Treat her like my mother.
Shhhh I pretend to listen with an ear perk.

And so I looked.
Just for the hell of it.
Pffft to what was booked.
Was a complete load of shit.

To put it in perspective to all, their site had less traffic than a cat that rhymes each day on his wall. Yet they were so great. Pffft and a dog and the cat will mate. But oh, needed to advertise somewhere. Pfffft once more to that with pffft's to spare. Ever come across any of those? She should go bother crows. The cat will only leave her with gas. She wasn't going to get rich off my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Stay Cheery And Fan The Theory!

Well you have the conspiracy nuts in their conspiracy ruts, but that we know. Been there, done that at our show. But what about the truly fake kind? Are those on your mind?

I'm a fan.
Part of a clan.
A clan with a theory.
The real was too dreary.

There was death.
They gave their last breath.
We really hate that.
Let's look deeper where we're at.

There are signs.
Can bee seen by even felines.
They are sure there.
We have a theory to spare.

It was all a dream.
A coma type stream.
They are really alive.
Yippeee, we now know they survive.

This one was just fake.
Death really didn't partake.
They faked it all.
They are off having a ball.

That one wasn't true.
It made me boo hoo.
We can't have that.
It wasn't a great final stat.

Instead a magic spell came due.
Yep, it was all voodoo.
That was why it went the other way.
Everything is true in what we say.

They were also cloned.
A doctor was phoned.
It was done in a secret lab.
They made the clone from a crab.

And don't forget the love.
The more we rant, the greater the shove.
They will really come due.
Even brothers get it on out of view.

Yep, that isn't dreary.
It is our theory.
We wish it to be.
So it is for those like you and me.

Any fan theories you find nuts? Some must really be smoking the "good stuff" as they stay in theory ruts. Even when creators say, no way, they keep up their theory at their bay. Some are sure interesting though. Any that you know? Some sure must have sucked on some bad gas. Hey, it didn't come from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Don't Cross The Line And All Will Be Fine!

The cat drew a line at the door. No one shall cross at my shore. If you don't know that you better beware. You may be in for more than an evil glare.


I was out and about.I had to check this thing out.I wanted to make sure I could fit.That is when I heard it.

Cassie heard it too.A scratching came due.A scratching at our door. The others wanted to explore.

There were five at play.They wanted to join the fray.They wanted to play with our toys.I don't share my joys.

And here one comes.Damn those furry bums.We aren't chums.They can suck on plums.


Cassie stopped his dash. For a moment it put a kink in their bash.But she doesn't care about the other ones.So they don't get the runs.

Look at her just watching the show. So pathetic, I know.How can she let them invade?My toys I won't trade.

So he tried once more.The jumper was also going to come ashore.Screw any of that.I stopped being a curious cat.

I hopped back into the room.I gave them a look of doom.I may have hissed and swatted too.But that I won't tell you.

One simply ran away.One jumped from his table display.Another gave me a dirty look.The old guy never budged at our nook.

So remember one and all.You don't get into my hall. Even in the dark I've got both eyes upon you.Don't cross the line at my zoo.
Wasn't that a good warning for all? Can you believe Cassie wanted to let them play with our toys like the furry ball? Pfffft the cat is not that nice. I will treat them like mice. They come near me and, wham, a face full of my toe jam. I'll have to get after Cass. She needs to be as mean as my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Living It Up With A Slight Hiccup!

The cat finds this one a tad funny. Humans really aren't right on the money. Maybe that is why so many are in debt. Probably not, long odds on that bet. Time to get living away at every bay.

I've lived here.
I've lived there.
Some cause fear.
Some cause care.

I've traveled here.
I've traveled there.
I drank my beer,
Spent money to spare.

One's not the same.
One's different than the other.
They have a different name,
Maybe like your brother.

They are related.
More than you think.
This post was fated.
May cause you to blink.

We're on the living.
We're not on death.
No need for forgiving,
Or even holding your breath.

Why is that?
Still not caught up?
Follow like a cat,
And not a low attention span pup.

No matter where you are.
No matter where you roam.
In plane, train or car.
Whether or not you're at home.

You are above ground.
Not ash blowing in the breeze.
Hear that little sound?
Are you still in brain freeze?

I'll make you unstuck.
I'm getting there soon.
No need to say fluck,
Or go all High Noon.

For even if there.
Guess what you're doing?
You're living life to spare,
And death you are shooing.

Maybe you should change it to asking where one has made a home? That is different that wherever you roam. Because if you say living or lived to anyone out there, whoops, everything counts with nothing to spare. You have lived every single place you have ever been to. Until you drop dead, it will remain so for you. Does the cat think too much at our sea? Has the wording ever been thought of by thee? Maybe humans just don't want to write a long list about all that came to pass. I'll go on living with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.