Dave Barry's Blog, page 47

THE BATH IS A NICE TOUCH

Florida man broke into random house, ran bath, cooked dinner to avoid going home to angry wife

What  choice did he have?

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

DECOMPOSITION?

Why ���old people smell��� happens ��� and the superfood you can eat to help prevent it

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW B.C.O.M. OPEN FOR DISGRUNTLED MONKEY

Florida Sheriff Warns Beachgoers to Ignore Bizarre Clumps of Manatees Near Shore for NSFW Reason

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

BOLO

Thieves steal ���30,000 in bull semen from farm in northern Germany

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE ANIMALS

Disgruntled monkey tears down 'No Feeding' banner in apparent protest

(Thanks to Ralph)

VERY HARD PASS

CARBONATING TUNA FISH

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Tempting, but no.")

TWO WORDS THAT DO NOT GO TOGETHER: 'BREAKFAST' AND 'ADVENTURE'

The father, John Tolkien, sat down with his family for what was marketed as an unforgettable dining experience���the Princess Breakfast Adventure. When the bill arrived, it totaled a staggering $937.65 for five people, which included a hefty tip of $150.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

IRREFUTABLE

I waited 50 years for loch trip ��� and took a photo of ���Nessie��� in just minutes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LETTER TO A BRIDE-TO-BE

Do not screw it up.

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Name,

We saw your book, "Book," on Amazon and think it deserves even more attention!