Dave Barry's Blog, page 23

BUT WE KNOW WHO'S REALLY BEHIND IT

The Criminal Enterprise Run by Monkeys

(Thanks to B&C)

WHICH IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE

Escaped water monitor lizard crosses state border into Connecticut

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "On his way to Florida.")

AND IN SPORTS

California woman fills her hair with 711 golf tees

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ALSO THEY DON'T FIT IN THE JAIL CELLS

APD says court system cannot process citations for Waymo

(Thanks to Ralph)

DON'T WORRY, THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Watch out for 'hordes' of tarantulas coming soon to these states

(Thanks to MOTW)

SEND THEM TO... WAIT, NEVER MIND

In a stressful human world, ���mermaiding��� gains popularity in D.C. area

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Of course: Although there is no official census, the mermaids of the Washington area estimate that they have the second-highest population in the country, behind Florida.

TODDLER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

���Killed it on the spot���: Infant bites cobra to death after it coiled around his hands

(Thanks to MOTW)

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS 'NEPTUNE'

The Right Way to Pronounce ���Uranus,��� According to Experts

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

The State Patrol says they arrested a 36-year-man Saturday night, less than 24 hours after he was allegedly found naked inside the Minnesota Capitol.

(Thanks to Alan West)

THE U.S. COAST GUARD: PROTECTING YOU FROM ROGUE FLOATING TIKI BARS

Upon boarding, officers found that the vessel - which consists of a bar and an outboard - allegedly lacked a formal drug and alcohol testing program for its sole crewmember, as required by 46 CFR 16.201.

(Thanks to wiredog)