Rhyll Biest's Blog, page 7

September 13 is...Hug a Vegetarian Day

A day in celebration of those who choose a meat-free lifestyle, who choose tofu over chicken, and nutmeat over steak, whether it is for ethical or medical reasons. Being a vegetarian isn’t always easy — try going to a Thai restaurant and ordering something that doesn’t contain fish sauce! And don’t forget the Ninjas of the veggo world – the vegans – who don’t eat or wear anything that has come from an animal (no sheepskin slippers or cheese on toast for them in winter). So today, vegetarians, is your day to celebrate with a kick-ass salad!

Boob Scarf

Tired of online dating? Try wearing the boob scarf on your next grocery run.

September 10 is...World Anti-apostrophe Abuse Day

Stop the abuse! To celebrate World Anti-apostrophe Abuse Day, Rhyll Biest plans to join The Apostrophe Protection Society and then she’ll set up a shelter for abused apostrophes. If you’re an apostrophe abuser, get some comic help from The Oatmeal.

September 5 is...Be Late For Something Day

This day is all about taking time away from your busy life and intentionally being late for something.

If you want to be really conscientious about this day, you could start off by getting out of bed late, that way you will be late for breakfast, and work, which will result in you running behind in your job all day, perhaps taking a late lunch to make up for lost time and of course, finishing work late in order to get everything done. This will make you late getting home or to the gym, which, in turn, will make you late for dinner.  You can then go to bed exhausted from being frazzled all day due to running late.

September 6 is… World Fight Procrastination Day

On World Fight Procrastination Day, the Beanie Queen will leap out of bed and shout “Today, I just do it!”

She will be a ball-busting twizzle-twirling high-kicking Nike-parrotting bundle of hyper ninja energy who shall DO DO DO all day long achieving momentous things upon a ticked-off TO DO list!

Yes! A list.

Wait. Two lists! A TO DO list and a DO NOT DO list.

That’s what is needed on World Fight Procrastination Day. On the TO DO list she will write the *thing* she must do today. Or is it *things*? Whatever. She will do this first.

Upon the DO NOT DO list she will write everything she will not do, until she has done the thing she’s been putting off. You know, the *thing* on the TO DO list. (Or *things*...)

So a Beanie Queen DO NOT DO list will have things like:

Do not log on to Facebook Do not check TwitterKeep off GoodreadsDo not take a sneaky ninja peek at Amazon just in case His Brand Of Beautiful is sitting in the Top Paid 100 listDo not clean anythingDo not load/unload the dishwasher or wash dishesBake nothingPlan no future eventsInvite no friends anywhere for anythingAccept no sneaky invitations anywhere at allDo not go for a walk/run/jog/roller-blade/game of golf first to clear my head on the odd chance it helps me do the *thing*Telephone/text no one. Not even my mother about sewing that button.Do no shopping (grocery/bookstore/fuel/curtains/garden gnomes/beanies)Do not do anything AT ALL except the *thing*

Yes, the Beanie Queen is the Queen of a good list.

But wait!

First things first. The Beanie Queen must THROW BACK THE COVERS before she leaps out of bed!

And she must make a cup of tea...

Put ‘make tea’ at the top of the TO DO list! Before the *thing*...

From my pink beanie to yours, good luck doing your *thing* today! Or is that *things*? Whatever.

Go do it.

But make a list first. Two lists.

ps: oh, and if you have little ninja children like the Beanie Queen, do feed them, clothe them, clean their teeth, pack them a lunchbox and send them off to school. And do pick them up again.

Otherwise. Do nothing. Except what’s on the TO DO list!

pps: oh, and if you have a day job - do go to it - unless you plan to call in sick. In that case put ‘Call In Sick’ underneath ‘make tea’ on the TO DO list!

Go on. Now do it. Go make your lists. Two lists.

Over and out.

Are you still there? You should be making lists! Hop to it.

A good list is the key to World Fighting Procrastination Day.

Otherwise, you’re still here. Surfing the mighty Internets. Pedal to the metal lady, get OFF the internet and make a list. Do it now. Right now. No ifs, no buts. WRITE that list!

Ppps: Two lists!

September 4 is...World Sexual Health Day

How's your sexual health?

Nosy bugger, aren't I? But today is Sexual Health day and as an erotic writer it's something I think about. I worry what kind of message my characters send if they don't care about their sexual health. But then too much worry about that results in a stilted sex scene, and we're lacking fantasy, which is important in fiction.

In real life, your sexual health is as important as your rest-of-body health. So make sure you know how to stay healthy. Make sure you take precautions, have those uncomfortable conversations, and know how to look after yourself.

I'll try to keep a balance between sexual health and fantasy in my stories if you promise to only make silly sexual decisions in fantasies. Take care of yourself and your sexual health. And if you're worried, see your doctor.

August 29-31 is... the World Testicle Cooking Championship

Ball-munchers, this is the event of the year for you! The festival takes place in Sumadija in Serbia and there are no qualifications required to enter the competition. You can also participate online by voting for the ballsiest man in the world and watching the video on ball-munching. Hmmm, what’s for dinner?

August 28 is...Race Your Mouse Around The Icons Day

What’s the one benefit of having an older desktop computer when all your work colleagues and friends have a tablet?

You get to swizz your mouse around your icons- because you actually have a mouse!

So, today all the trendy, techno-savvy tablet users will be envious of your stone age machinery because they will have to use their finger, resulting in complete lack of coordination, finger burn and possible dislocated joints. You, on the other hand, will show those techno-bastards that antiquated doesn’t necessarily mean useless.

Don't Be a Dick cross stitch

Would I get away with hanging one on the wall in my office?

Lust Object: Squirrel Testicles Pendant

What? Why? Where is the squirrel going to keep its nuts now?