Matador Network's Blog, page 2115

Why you shouldn't travel to Colorado

All photos by the author.
1. Fall color is only for the East Coast.

2. Sand dunes belong at the beach.

3. Come on, the sky can’t be that blue, can it?

4. Reflections are confusing to you. How will you know which way is up?

5. You like your ruins a little less ancient…

6. …and your art a little more modern.

7. Wildflowers? Eh…aren’t they just glorified weeds?

8. Colorful Colorado? The landscape is actually quite bland.

9. It’s all just mountains and pine trees. There’s no variety.

10. You prefer to stroll along a more horizontal surface.

11. How exciting can a train ride really be?

12. Things are better below the clouds, right?

13. Snowmelt is a little too cold to bother with.

14. Rainbows and waterfalls? Meh.

15. The whole “hiking” thing? You just don’t see the point.

16. Sunbeams and lens flares will do nothing for your Instagram feed.

17. You firmly believe that alcohol tastes best indoors.

Watch the adorable thank you video Moldovan winemakers made for their Norwegian customers

These ladies aren’t letting the Russian trade embargo get them down.
(Screengrab/YouTube)

WHAT MOLDOVANS LACK in Norwegian language skills, they make up for with winemaking ability — and, apparently, heart.

The people of Moldovan wine-producing company Vinaria Purcari have made a video in which they thank their Norwegian customers in the best Norwegian tongues they can muster. (Watch it below.)

They’ve got good reason to be appreciative.

Wine makes up 25 percent of Molova’s total agricultural exports, which form the backbone of its economy. So when its biggest importer, Russia, imposed a trade embargo on the former Soviet republic’s wine in 2013, it was a huge deal.

And it wasn’t the first time.

Russia banned Moldova’s wine back in 2006, claiming it failed inspections, and used a similar excused in 2013. But it’s hard to think embargoes are anything but coercive efforts on the part of Russia to draw the country away from the West and back into its own sphere of influence. Wine has been the key leverage point. At the time of the 2006 ban, Russia imported 60 percent of Moldova’s wine exports. In 2013, it was still importing 29 percent.

And then along came Norway.

In 2014, Purcari’s video explains, Norway’s state-run alcohol retailer, Vinmonopolet, began importing Moldovan wine. The effect has been huge. Norway now imports more than half as much wine as Russia did before the embargo. That’s a remarkable feat, considering the population of Russia is around 144 million and Norway’s is just 5 million.

Those 5 million Norwegians are definitely drinking enough Moldovan wine to justify this adorable thank you note.

By: Timothy McGrath, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.

10 signs you went to college in DC

Photo: Neil Conway

1. You went on dates at the Smithsonians because they were free.

Most college students have endless stories about late nights and cheap beers. Those who dated while in college likely saved up for special occasions here and there. But students in DC had a bit of help via 19 of the most extravagant museums in the country, all of which are free. Sure, it got a bit old after your eighth date at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum — but that’s okay. You told every date that it was your first time there.

2. You have or know someone that’s interned on the Hill.

And it sounded great for about 30 seconds before you realized that DC gets hot in the summer, and you had to wear an uncomfortable business outfit. But at least you got to do important, life-changing work, right? Sorting files and making phone calls makes a difference, doesn’t it? Never mind that the internship was unpaid. Why do people intern on the Hill again?

3. You’ve spent a night out at McFadden’s, whether you wanted to or not.

You don’t like the place. You really don’t like the place. But somehow, you’ve ended up spending the night there more than once thanks to your friends — and you’ve likely made valiant efforts to black out while there so you could forget where you were. The music, crowd, and just about everything else may have bothered you, but it was all worth it. Why, you ask? The people watching was top notch.

4. You’ve been to Ben’s Chili Bowl at 3am at least once — with and without out-of-town visitors.

After you finish rolling your eyes and “Only tourists go there!” stops echoing in your head, think back to your freshman year in DC when you thought Ben’s Chili Bowl was the best “new” thing around. You couldn’t beat a chili half-smoke and fries. And every time someone visited from out of town, you made sure they knew that too. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, the urge to eat a late meal at Ben’s still probably hits you once every blue moon.

5. You’ve said “Walk left, stand right” to several strangers.

Yes, this does apply in just about every large US city, and DC is no exception. Considering over 40,000,000 people visit Union Station annually, it’s safe to say that there is a large number of people unfamiliar with the city walking around town. And many of them happen to enjoy lollygagging on the escalators, making for a (very) long 159 seconds if you don’t speak up when you need to go up the escalators at Rosslyn.

6. You’ve had your plans change immediately after forgetting what time stores stop selling alcohol.

Bars stop serving alcohol at a normal time in DC On the other hand, if you ever planned on having drinks before heading out, you always made sure to take care of it early in the evening. But that one time, you forgot that stores stop selling alcohol at 10 PM, leading you to hit the bar much earlier than you expected. Yes, stores stop selling alcohol at 10pm. And yes, you only made this mistake once.

7. You’ve introduced many visitors to Ethiopian food.

Before moving to DC, you may not have even known exactly what Ethiopian food was, let alone tried it. But soon after your first semester, you became a self-proclaimed expert on the matter. Dukem, Zed’s, Etete, you name it. You knew which place had the best of each dish. And any time someone came to town, you made sure to take them to grab Ethiopian food, as it gave you an excuse to eat Ethiopian again. Not a bad deal.

8. You roll your eyes when asked if you’ve been to Georgetown Cupcake.

Well, you do now anyway. That’s not to say you hadn’t been to Georgetown Cupcake several times before it was reviewed over 2,000 times on Yelp. And, yes, you did enjoy it when you went, despite the giant lines. How about now? We know. “It’s all about Baked & Wired, man”.

9. You lived in an English basement at one point.

For those unfamiliar, an English basement is the lowest floor of a building, typically of a townhouse or brownstone, with a separate entrance from the rest of the building. The “basement” is partially above ground level and partially below it. Why would you live alone and in an English basement? Because cheap.

10. You put Mumbo sauce on everything.

Mumbo. Mambo. Same same. Whether you went to college or not, if you’ve lived in DC or anywhere nearby, you know about it. It belongs on everything. Especially at 3 in the morning after you’ve had too much to drink. Fries, wings, pizza, whatever — you definitely have a preferred food to pour Mumbo sauce all over. Sure, it may have come from Chicago originally, but DC owns it now.

8 LGBT festivals around the world

1. Inside Out film festivals

Photo: Inside Out/Facebook

Inside Out is a nonprofit that supports LGBT initiatives and producers of all ages, nations, and race from around the world. The festival supports diversity through enabling and promoting the screenings of movies and videos “made by and about lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people of all ages, races and abilities.” Originally from Toronto, Inside Out has organized festivals in Toronto and Ottawa since 1991. Besides the festivals, they organize various events, school programs, movie screenings and initiatives in different times of the year.

2. PrideFest in New York

Photo: NYC PrideFest/Andrew Werner

This festival is notable because it is held in America where the LGBT liberation journey began. This festival uses a color code to indicate your current sexual status and desires. My recommendation: Learn the full meaning of each color before choosing. If you want to have lots of fun and experience something really “colorful,” don’t hesitate.

3. Cape Cod

Photo: Ted Eytan

Cape Cod, Massachusetts is famous for LGBT tourism and one of the most LGBT-friendly spots in America. There are lots of events and never-ending festivals nearly every month of the year. The most famous ones include the Bear Week which I explain in detail below and Lesbian Festival.

4. Provincetown Bear Week

Provincetown is located at the end point of Cape Cod. One week, generally in the middle of July, is reserved for bears here. You can see bears coming from around the world wearing wrestling singlets and watch naked beach games. Because local people and businesses are also very gay friendly, they work together with the organizers and have various kinds of parties at that time. You can “enjoy the town, restaurants, cabaret shows, National Seashore, beaches and daily gatherings at hotel pool decks.”

5. Pink Life QueerFest

It is one of the most important festivals for Turkey where still homophobia and trans murders are unfortunately common. The LGBT community in Turkey only exists publicly in small parts of İstanbul, but everyone comes together for this festival in Turkey’s capital, Ankara. The first Queer Fest was held in 2012 and nearly 50 films from 15 countries was screened in Turkey for the first time. The festival is organized by Pink Life Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans Solidarity Association and aims to draw attention to discrimination and violence against LGBT people in Turkey.

6. Amsterdam Gay Pride

Photo: Amsterdam Gay Pride

The famous line from television show Modern Family — “Do you know what is illegal in Europe? Nothing.” — was written for this festival. It starts at the beginning of the week with cultural and sports events and parties. The climax of the festival is the weekend, especially the Canal Pride on Saturday. Amsterdam is known for its endless fun and when LGBT people add their sense of enjoying life to the fullest, this festival becomes a lifetime experience. Don’t miss it if you have the chance.

7. London Lesbian Film Festival

Photo: London Lesbian Film Festival/Facebook

The festival is organized by Reeling Spinsters, a group of lesbian, bisexual and queer women in London, Ontario and Canada every year. “The festival aims to portray the richness and diversity of lesbian experiences and to strengthen our communities.” They have a variety of events in addition to movie screenings.

8. Mykonos & Lesbos

Photo: NervousEnergy

The top of the list has to be Mykonos, a gay heaven, and Lesbos, its name derived from the first lesbian mythology. They have top-notch gay and lesbian fun. Also, there are myths that heterosexual couples are considered weird, but don’t take it personally. Festivals, parties, and events are held throughout the year. Just pack your bag and go anytime you have a chance. I guarantee that it will be an unforgettable experience for any of you who can enjoy life to the fullest.

Author’s note: I hope the future brings us a world where all LGBT people can take a breath and have time to celebrate their existence.

If this isn't racism, what is it?

IF RACISM IS OVER, explain why job applicants with black-sounding names are 50% less likely to be called back. Explain why black drivers are twice as likely to get pulled over by the police than white drivers. Explain why black people are incarcerated at about 6 times the rate of white people.

If this isn’t racism, what is it?

The following video by Brave New Films gives us the statistics that prove that racism is not limited to the unrest currently happening in Baltimore; systematic racism exists and persists all over the country.

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Is Germany running out of Germans?

Photo: Cha già José

WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD IS CONCERNED about overpopulation, Germany is worried about running out of Germans.

Destatis, the German statistics office, recently explained that, while there are around 82 million people in Germany today, the population is expected to drop to between 67.6 and 73.1 people by 2060.

These numbers are subject to changes according to immigration policies, but the native birth rate will inevitably and steadily decrease starting around 2020. The projection below illustrates this trend.

With Germany’s population ageing, the main concern is the skrinking labour force and its consequences on the European Union’s stongest economy. Eurostats explains that “international migration may be used as a tool to solve specific labour market shortages. However, migration alone will almost certainly not reverse the ongoing trend of population ageing experienced in many parts of the EU”.

8 uncomfortable truths about teaching English in South Korea

Photo: knittymarie

1. English schools contribute to classist education.

South Korea’s international schools were originally created to educate the children of foreign expats but now have become for-profit providers of elite global education to the South Korean aristocracy. With a $30,000 per year elementary school tuition, Chadwick International is inaccessible to most expat families. According to the Korean Ministry of Education, 78% of students attending the six major international schools in Korea were Korean nationals, despite a law limiting the enrolment to 30-50%. To put this in perspective, the average tuition for a college student studying abroad is about half that price per year.

The more cost-effective alternative is sending a student to an English kindergarten that is not an international school. English kindergartens charge about $10,000 a year for tuition alone, which is still far beyond the means of the average Korean household which earns about $18,000 in disposable income per year according to OECD’s Better Life Index.

2. South Korean students are the least happy and most pressured among developed countries.

This is according to a study conducted by the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs using data collected for the National Survey of Children and Youth and research conducted by UNICEF in 2013. The report disclosed that 60% of Korean students said they were unhappy with their life, compared to 29% in the countries surveyed by UNICEF.

The study also found that Korean students had the highest level of schoolwork-related pressure and stress of any developed country. This could be attributed to the tendency for Korean students to attend school between 10 and 14 hours a day, or the extremely high-stakes testing Korea is known for internationally.

3. High-stakes testing has been blamed for a rise in youth suicide.

In the last 60 years, South Korea’s economy has gone from underdeveloped to being lauded as one of the four Asian “Tiger Economies.” Some claim the jump to being the 14th-strongest economy in the world can be attributed to the introduction of a highly-regimented national testing system that emphasizes competition. On the flipside, South Korea has the second highest youth suicide rate among all 70 OECD countries. Many Korean people believe these statistics are connected, and the South Korean government has been forced to implement a 10 pm curfew for the 75% of students attending after school lessons in preparation for the 8-hour national college entrance exam.

4. Korean “Tiger Moms” play a major role in the classroom.

Julia F, a foreign kindergarten teacher who asked to remain anonymous, has been teaching and doing private lessons in South Korea for two years. “In terms of academics, the parents’ focus isn’t on the mastery of material,” she said. “While there are a series of standardized tests to assess levels and progress for my 3-6 year old students, the parents seem to feel that quantity is king. The more homework pages, more subjects, and more time the students spend in class the ‘better’ they are.”

Another foreign teacher, Becca S, who has been teaching ESL in South Korea for five years, believes “The school owners do whatever the parents want them to do for fear that the child will be pulled out of school and will cost the business money.”

This level of power leaves many foreign teachers at the mercy of a school administration that will change major portions of the school structure at the whims of demanding parents.

5. Financial incentives attract many foreign teachers.

In Western countries, the image of the young traveler is seen as a right of passage. It is viewed as an opportunity to become a better person and learn about the world. Many people in Western countries see it as a sign of privilege and prestige.

People from developing countries in contrast are stereotyped as forced travelers. They are believed to be only traveling out of economic necessity.

In a study conducted by Francis Collins at the University of Auckland, it was determined that western ESL teachers were just as driven by economic motives as foreigners from developing countries. In fact, most Western teachers cited high levels of student debt and unemployment as a main factor in choosing to teach ESL in Korea.

People teach ESL in Korea for a variety of reasons. While taking a job for the financial incentive is not altogether a negative, foreign teachers must be prepared to work with some people who make it very clear that their passion for education is not the motivating factor behind their job.

6. Many schools prefer white teachers.

According to the 2010 World Values Survey, 1 in 3 Koreans would not want a neighbor of a different race. Advertisements for teaching positions on Facebook and Craigslist blatantly list being white as a requirement for the job. There is a persistent stereotype that white native speakers of English are more articulate and qualified than people of color. The racist hiring practices are perpetuated by the cultural custom of including a photograph on your resume and work applications.

Racism isn’t only impacting foreign teachers. A first year foreign kindergarten teacher, Sara H* detailed her experiences when an Indian student joined her all-Korean school. She was required to document his behavior daily and report his actions to his parents despite having no instances of developmentally-inappropriate behavior or disciplinary problems. She went as far as to say that another teacher insisted on using air freshener all over the classroom because she claimed the child “smelled of curry.”

7. Foreign teachers are controlled by their contracts.

Most foreign teachers in South Korea are on an E2 visa that is owned by their employer. Most contracts include housing for the teacher. Should the teacher stop working with the school, their visa and housing will be revoked. To find independent housing in Korea is very difficult because many realtors require “Key Money” or a very large deposit of $10,000 or more.

The Korean legal system places favor with citizens, but has some protections in place for foreign residents. Stories of apartments being searched while a teacher is not home and video cameras being placed in private residences are not uncommon on legal forums for foreign teachers. Unfortunately, the legal system can be difficult and expensive to navigate for a person who is not fluent in Korean.

8. Foreign teachers are selected based on their nationality, not necessarily their experience.

To get a teaching position in Korea you have to be a native speaker from an English-speaking country and have a bachelor’s degree in any area of study. Foreign teachers must have a clean background check and not have any major health concerns. No other qualifications are mandatory. Foreign teachers with no previous experience will make double the salary that Korean teachers with ample experience and a master’s degree in education will make.

Korean teachers in public schools are required to pass rigorous civil service tests that foreign teachers bypass. Foreign teachers have housing, airfare, and bonus pay systems included in their contracts. Equivalents are not offered to most Korean teachers.

Obama's 'wha gwan Jamaica' is sick

US President Barack Obama address students at the University of the West Indies during a visit to Jamaica on April 9, 2015.
(White House/YouTube)

BARACK OBAMA visited Jamaica earlier this month. It was the first presidential visit to the country in 32 years, and Obama had a pretty packed schedule when he was there: He met with Caribbean leaders. He visited the Bob Marley museum. And he hung out with Usain Bolt.

But the thing we’ll remember, and the reason Obama’s Jamaica trip will go down in history as the coolest moment in his presidency, is what he said to a crowd of students at the University of the West Indies.

You’ve probably already heard it, but you’re going to want to hear it again and again and again. Good thing we have Vine loops.

That was Obama's presidential rendition of a common patois greeting that means "what's going on." The video went viral immediately — of course — and soon people like Desus Nice, an internet celebrity and Bronx comedian, were predicting that Obama's "wha gwan, Jamaica" would soon be heard all over reggae, dancehall, and soca tracks.

Obama saying "wa gawn jamaica" bout to replace the airhorn as the defacto dancehall sound effect

— Desus Nice (@desusnice) April 9, 2015

Boy was he right.

Here are some of the best ways DJs are remixing the coolest thing ever said by a US president.

This song by remix artists Bombs Away has 49,000 listens on Soundcloud.

(Here's a look at how that track got made.)

Here are some more gems.

If you scrolled this far, here's your reward. Obama with Usain Bolt, striking the fastest man on Earth's famous pose.

A video posted by Usain St.Leo Bolt (@usainbolt) on Apr 10, 2015 at 11:56am PDT

And if you got this far, here's a "wagwan Jamaica" ringtone for you to download.

By: Timothy McGrath, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.

23 things that piss off Mexicans

Photo: Eneas De Troya

Hacé clic para leer este artículo en Español. Tambien podés darnos un “me gusta” en Facebook!
1. That somebody dares to call you naco

Especially if they call you pinche naco. That’s mean.

2. An earthquake while you’re on the toilet
3. A direct confrontation with Mexican bureaucracy

Start preparing at least a night before the confrontation takes place. They’re gonna be rude, they’re gonna treat you like shit, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll eventually learn that you have to arrive at government offices before seven, because “the system” always crashes at some point in the morning, that you have to bring extra photocopies of every single document requested and that you’ll probably have to return a couple of times because shit happens… You’ve been there, you know it’s true and you hate it.

4. Those Chinese copycats

Like Cerono beer or that company which actually registered the Social Security Institute logo.

5. Acapulco during holy week vacations

Every single place with a decent beach ends up looking like a representation of hell on earth. If being restricted to a square meter of paradise isn’t infuriating enough, remember you’ll have to escape the overcrowded tropics prematurely if you don’t want to get caught in the most epic of traffic jams on your way home.

6. The emo subculture

Young emos made their way to the national headlines back in 2008 because everyone else wanted to beat them. It’s not funny, but it’s actually true.

7. People taking possession of the streets

Especially if they show up with a piece of cloth in one hand and shout things such as “todo, todo, todo, viene, viene, viene…”

8. People talking to you in English while in Mexico

Don’t get me wrong here, we’re always eager to help a visitor in distress, and we’ll do so if it’s in our reach. However, don’t come speaking to us in English as if you were in the middle of an all-inclusive gringo resort in Cancún. Some of us speak English, but we greatly appreciate when someone makes an extra effort and tries to learn a couple phrases in our own language. A simple “¿Hablas inglés?” is a step in the right direction.

9. The absence of Coke

I know you sugary drink junkies will deny it, but Mexicans have a big issue with Coke consumption. If you are the exception rather than the rule, you’re probably in denial and pissed off already…but we’re not the world leaders in Coca-Cola consumption just because.

10. Street bumps

The Mexican version of street bumps or “baches” are so big that some would seem like a side entrance to hell… and they’re specially useful if you want to change tyres prematurely.

11. Being left with the last tortilla…

Yes, the one on the top.

12. Cruz azul

It just applies if you’re a Cruz Azul fan.

13. Call centers

Something went wrong with your internet, no problem, you call the company, you’re forced to hear the first round of advertisements, you go through seven menus, a second round of advertisements, another menu, relaxing music to soothe you while every operator is busy, it seems somebody’s gonna attend you, false alarm, the music just changed tracks, every operator is still busy, a human voice!, the voice doesn’t have the least idea how to help you, you get transferred, relaxing music to soothe you while every operator is busy, a second human voice, the voice asks you to hold on the line, you hold on the line forever, you lost connection ten minutes ago and didn’t even notice, you call the company… and it’s always like that, every single time.

14. Bic ballpoint pens

They don’t know how to fail, my ass!

15. Political campaigns

Unless you’re a politician… in that case, you can contribute with the present list by writing your name in the comments section.

16. The song known as El Sonidito

Especially when it was the big thing and you heard it ten times a day… everywhere.

17. La Selección losing a football match against the gringos.

We were supposed to be good at football… what the hell happened?

18. When the bus driver tells you…

“Please, start moving to the back of the bus, there’s still plenty of space there”…and there’s no space there.

19. And when you actually arrive to the back of the bus to get down…

And the same driver decides it’s time to get his revenge on you for not moving to the back when he told you and decides to open the back door to let a flood of people in. Now’s a good time to acknowledge you’re gonna be late for work.

20. And let’s not forget that beautiful experience that occurs every time the driver assumes that slowing down is good enough for you to actually get off the bus.

Those drivers… always over assuming.

21. Forget to say “por favor” or “gracias”

Mexicans have this boldly tattooed on their souls…with a little motherly help. It’s a matter of protocol that most of us apply automatically. If you respect such protocol, you’ll probably obtain what you want…or not, but at least no one will be pissed off at you, and that’s always a good thing.

22. The gas truck on a Saturday morning
23. Señorita Laura…

Word.

22 weird facts about animal sex

Photo: clairejim

FOR HUMAN BEINGS, the beginning of spring means longer days and warmer weather. For the animal kingdom, it’s that amorous time of the year — mating season.

Just last week, Lu Lu and his panda partner Zhen Zhen set a new panda sex record of 7 minutes and 45 seconds at the Sichuan Giant Panda Research Center. This week, he broke his own record with a new partner, Xi Mei, and a romp of 18 minutes and 3 seconds, earning him the name “Enduring Brother.”

When your parents told you about the “birds and the bees,” they probably didn’t get into the wild and wacky specifics of the actual birds and the actual bees. Well, allow us.

The mating habits among animals vary from one species to the next, ranging from kind of romantic to squeamishly weird to downright terrifying. There’s moonwalking and make-up sex, penis-fencing and post-coital cannibalism. We kid you not.

Here are some of the weirdest facts out there about animal sex:

1. Male bowerbirds build and decorate colorful nests or shrines to attract that special someone. According to PBS, these nests, or bowers, are built using bright and colorful objects including leaves, flowers, seashells, berries, plastic beads or coins.

2. Busting out their Michael Jackson dance moves, male manikins flap their wings and even do the moonwalk on tree branches to find a mate.

3. Bonobos, dubbed the “make love, not war species” by Dutch-American primatologist Frans de Waal, use sex to strengthen bonds and resolve conflict.

4. When it comes to the largest penis in the animal kingdom, whales take the top spot with penises that reach up to 10 feet in length.

5. Often mistaken for rocks, barnacles’ stationary positions make it difficult to fertilize when mating season comes around. However, a barnacle’s penis can extend up to eight times its own size which “blindly reaches into neighboring shells and deposits sperm inside.”

6. Male alligators spend their entire lives with an erection and have a penis that, according to National Geographic, “shoots out like toothpaste from a tube; and it bounces back because it basically has a rubber band attached to it.”

7. While most slugs mate on the ground, the leopard slug engages in hours of foreplay with its mate before secreting a strong line of slime on which the lovers dangle while they do the deed. If their sexual organs get stuck, the female will chomp off the male’s penis in a process called “apophallation,” essentially leaving it to live the rest of his days as a female.

8. If pandas are reluctant to mate in captivity, scientists have shown them videos of other pandas copulating to get them in the mood. It is basically panda porn. And it works!

9. Honey bees’ coitus is essentially sexual suicide. Known as drones, male bees compete for a chance to mate with a virgin queen. His victory, however, is mating with the female until his penis and entrails are ripped from his abdomen and he falls to the ground dead.

10. When a male praying mantis attracts a mate, he does a mating dance by flapping his wings and swaying his abdomen. If successful, the female responds by allowing him to mount her before ripping off his head and finally, devouring the corpse of her still-mating lover.

11. After a careful process of waiting and courting, male porcupines spray the female with urine to get her in the mood.

12. According to National Geographic, forced copulation is common among fowl. To avoid unwanted pregnancies, female ducks have a corkscrew-shaped vagina that spirals in the opposite direction of a male duck’s member and complex plumbing filled with dead ends. If he does try to forcibly impregnate her, she can contract the walls of her genital tract to signal that no means no.

13. Channeling their inner cupid, snails engage in extra long foreplay before shooting sharp “sperm darts” to impregnate their lover.

14. Like other marsupials, kangaroos have three vaginas — two to carry the sperm from the two-pronged penis of their mates to the uterus and one to give birth to the joey. It also has two uteri, which means, it is possible for a kangaroo to be “perpetually pregnant.”

15. Beware of the sexually frustrated dolphin. Contrary to their cute and cuddly reputation as the friendly neighborhood “Flipper” or a design element for many a tattoo, these intelligent creatures have been known to gang rape, kill their own babies and porpoises and even sexually assault humans.

16. Another seemingly adorable animal with a dark side is the sea otter. They have been known to kidnap, rape and kill seal pups.

17. Female jumping spiders have high standards when it comes to foreplay. If she isn’t satisfied with the male’s “complicated courtship dance,” she not only dumps him but devours him.

18. After copulating with multiple mates, a female chicken can ‘dump’ the unwanted male by ejecting his sperm from her body, go for the hunkier male in the coop and choose the father of her future chicks.

19. As if we didn’t despise these creepy crawlies enough, bed bugs take part in a particularly brutal form of copulation known as “traumatic insemination.” The male bed bug stabs the female in her abdomen with a hypodermic needle-like penis and injects his sperm which travels throughout her body cavity until it finds her ovaries.

20. The antechinus, a tiny rodent found in Australia, literally copulates himself to death. After 2-3 weeks of non-stop nooky, each lasting up to 14 hours, his body slows starts to shut down due to exhaustion, surging stress hormones and infections that set in. Even in their last stages, they still try to get in a last roll in the hay with reluctant partners until they finally die before they turn one.

21. If you’ve watched “Finding Nemo,” you’ll probably remember the frightening angler fish with its sharp teeth and a naturally lit lure to attract its prey. These are actually female anglerfish that are almost 10 times larger than their male counterparts. To copulate, the male bites into his mate’s body and fuses his body with hers, supplying sperm and drawing blood for nourishment for the rest of his life.

22. During coitus, the male black widow has to angle himself between her fangs to successfully do the deed. True to their name, however, female black widows often devour their lovers after copulation.

By: Hyacinth Mascarenha, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.