Byron Edgington's Blog, page 8

Dateline Columbus OH: 5/01/2313

In a stunning and timely reversal today, the catholic bishop of Columbus Ohio issued an apology to one Carla Hale, a former employee (in 2013) of Bishop Watterson High School, a place of education that once occupied the Cooke Road site of the current MCS, the Ministry of Common Sense.
Ms Hale, legend has it, was a distinguished teacher and, it appears, if the historical record is correct, a champion of civil liberties. It is unclear why Ms Hale's 'sexual orientation' made her a subject of controversy in the dark days of 2013, but in those somewhat uncivilized times she must have been. The ancient record shows also that 'religious orientation' was a primary qualification for high office and class distinction during those dark times, so the context seems to support the hypothesis. Christians it appears, were held in somewhat higher esteem than other, equally qualified citizens, again if the record is correct. Why this was is still the subject of historical inquiry.
In any case, sole remaining catholic administrator in Ohio Bishop Fairly S. Petrific issued the statement last evening, after the internet was shut down for 'Mass Unplugging for Sanity Hour' (MUSH) by the aforementioned MCS, Ministry for Common Sense. Petrific's statement was terse, legalistic and clearly vetted by the papal curia, possibly by Pope Suburban IV himself. "We three remaining defenders of the catholic faith do hereby acknowledge that, in the year of our lord 2013, (or close enough to satisfy our 173 former adherents in any case,) a Ms Carla Hale, though she is (or used to be) a lesbian, which this church body still can't fully accept, and though she was (possibly still is) living in a “quasi-spousal relationship” (bishop Campbell's words, not ours, but close enough) we hereby say it's okay with us old unmarried (unmarriageable?) men if she does that, but only if she confesses and makes nice, and for god's sake never ever mentions it again in polite company. "For god's sake shut up about it, ick!" Petrific cited Campbell again: “...we don’t necessarily go looking for things like that,” he said back in 2013, but "...by god if we uncover it," Petrific continued, "...we pounce on it like a duck on a June bug." Just like bishop Campbell, who fired Ms Hale before the week was out, based on a letter, based on an obituary citation: "We do this in an atmosphere of care, of calm consideration..." Thus the apology a mere 300 years in the making. "We don't wish to rush into these things," the statement read.
The statement was written on 'paper,' rather than on the already shuttered internet in order to "maintain the integrity of the church," Petrific said. Better late than never, we say. The statement finished with the uplifting news that Ms Hale "...will be reinstated with full benefits, provided she signs a hold harmless clause and never mentions again that she's... the 'L' word."

Role Models

John Glenn is one of my heroes. I don't have very many these days, but Senator Glenn is one of them. Not just for his aviation exploits which are too numerous to mention in anything short of a book, but for other reasons, too. He's been a dedicated public servant for many years; he loves Annie (who wouldn't, speaking of heroes) and refuses to travel without her; he established a school of public affairs at The Ohio State University; he never hesitates to speak out for issues and candidates he believes in, regardless of the cost and/or derision it may include for him. On top of that he was and is a great father and grandfather, or so I'm told.
Why the homage to John Glenn? Once in a  while it's good to list our heroes, and the reasoning for the choice, I guess. Today I have another one, a new hero, with only one stipulation. I'll get to that. Yesterday a fellow who makes his living pushing a basketball through an 18 inch hoop, or preventing another fellow from doing so, announced for all the world to hear that he is a gay man in a sport that seems to ooze male (straight) sexuality. Jason Collins, newly freed free agent (in more ways than one), came out on national TV. "I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay." Mr. Collins has for years been living a lie, pretending he was someone other than who he is. To come out is brave, and freeing and right. My only comment about this public focus on Jason Collins is this: when the geeky, nerdy kid, the pimpled, awkward gay boy or girl that neither side ever picks for basketball can be who they are freely and without reservation, that will be a day worth celebrating. Then we can all be heroes. We can all soar.

Dat 'ol Boll Weevil he strike again...

The news is all very sad, but it contains a seed of hope as well. A woman named Carla Hale has been fired from her long-time high school coaching/mentoring position at Watterson, a catholic high school in Columbus Ohio. Despite statements to the contrary, Carla Hale was fired because she happens to love someone of the same gender. The catholic church frowns on such unions. Ms Hale drew attention to her partner in her mother's obituary, and church condemnation was swift and unequivocal. She was terminated that week. Carla Hale's dismissal was based on a letter written by a parishioner, a letter intended to sow discord and division, which is exactly what it has done. The letter was written because its author didn't know Carla Hale, not really, and didn't wish to know her, since Carla's lover is a woman. And of course it's a sin to love someone of the same sex. Everyone knows this. Everyone accepts this as a given, so much so that until the letter was written, people at Watterson High School went about their lives ignoring the person in their midst who lived her quiet life, did her job, loved her position and the chance to have a positive impact on young women through sports and healthy activity. So long as Carla Hale kept quiet about  her true identity, and didn't break the code, the silent agreement, the 'love that dare not speak its name,' everything was fine, no problem, don't rock the boat. This was, ironically, not unlike the situation with the person who fired Carla Hale. The principal of the high school is herself a divorced woman, contrary to church dictates, of course. She's been single for many years, not wishing to discuss her own previous relationship, which clearly ended in painful fashion as divorce often does. Silence and dissimulation often attend the end of a marriage, and we act with a collective silence when those announcements are made. It's as if we don't know each other, and don't really wish to. The principal at Watterson must have known Carla Hale is a lesbian. After having her in her employe for 19 years, denial of her status would have to be purposeful. Sad that no one acknowledged Carla Hale for who she is. Sad that she had to hide like an errant child. Sad that her partner had to be hidden, denied at every official function, dismissed as just a friend, a social companion, someone who shares her address. Not just sad, but juvenile, and undignified. When Ms Hale presented her true self in public, the wrath she incurred at her breech of the code of silence was immediate, and it sealed her fate. The obituary notice, the letter, and the forced and awkward serenity was shattered. It is all too sad.

In the early twentieth-century south, when cotton was king, no one dared mention the boll weevils that began arriving in field after field starting about 1910. People looked the other way, ignored the pests that were ravaging crops in the next state, then in the neighboring county, then in the field across the way. By 1920 the boll weevil had destroyed much of the cotton crop in the southern U.S. But there was a seed of hope in that destructive power as well. Just like the letter condemning Carla Hale, the boll weevil's menace was unwitting, uncaring and ignorant of the sensibilities of human beings. The boll weevil did more than destroy the cotton crop; it forced farmers to seek other ways to make a living, other crops to grow when cotton was all they knew.
Just so, when we ignore the differences and desires of other people, demanding they be silent about their true identity, ignorance and mistrust are the crop we sow, and the harvest we reap. Eventually our blind and counterfactual focus on the crop of hatred and division creeps in to destroy our silence and much else. When the Carla Hale letter's author scribbled words of condemnation of her, they ignored her mother's death and the pain that caused. Instead, the writer focused on Ms Hale's honorable inclusion of her lover's name in the obituary. Perhaps we should be grateful the letter forced this issue. Perhaps what's truly needed is for us to draw attention to what too many still consider a shameful reality in society, that two women or two men can love each other and be accepted for who they are. Perhaps the letter writer was dat boll weevil at work all over again.

Did the catholic church break the law? Stay tuned.

This (rather poor) picture was taken this morning, April 24th 2013, (not 1713, which is important to note). It is a picture of Ms Carla Hale. Ms Hale was recently fired from her 19 year job of coaching physical education at Bishop Watterson High School in Columbus Ohio. Carla Hale was terminated because she is a lesbian. The short version of this sordid tale is that following the death of her mother, Carla included in the obituary a simple mention of her partner, Julie, thus acknowledging that, yes, she does live with a person of the same gender. A catholic member of the community read that obit, took offense at Ms Hale's brazen public announcement of her live-in partner, and that outraged catholic wrote a letter to the powers that be at the school, demanding that Carla Hale be shown the door for not continuing to live a lie, we must assume. As any of us would, Carla Hale has decided, reluctantly, to sue her former employer for reinstatement. This is why she read her statement this morning, and why her termination has become a local sensation, and also why it will become a national one. Sure, the school and one assumes the diocese of Columbus claim that she was not fired because she is gay. Of course not. As her attorney said, it's similar to telling someone "you're not being fired because you're a woman; but because you're pregnant." A distinction without a difference. Carla Hale was fired because she went public with her homosexuality, in contravention of catholic teaching and belief. The church believes homosexuality is wrong, that its practice is immoral. The church is entirely within its right to believe this, regardless of how hoary or ancient that belief happens to be. The catholic church is not known for progressive thought. This is, after all, an institution that within the past twenty years acknowledged that Galileo was perhaps right, that perhaps we do live in a solar-centric galaxy after all. But homosexuality is simply wrong, now and forever, biblically, spiritually and otherwise. Just like divorce, birth control, sex abuse and a litany of other transgressions that cannot be accepted in church circles, especially in its pedagogical circles. So in the coming weeks and months expect to hear in the news that several catholic heterosexual couples living in sin have been fired from jobs in catholic schools, those catholics using birth control terminated as well, abusive priests hunted down and jailed--finally--and any catholics engaged in immoral practices of any kind will likely lose their jobs. Too bad, but those are the rules. Oh, one additional rule that applies here: There is an inconvenient rule in the city of Columbus that does not exclude religious institutions. That rule states that no one can be terminated because of who they are. Did the catholic church break the law? Stay tuned.

Traveling Light--Musings on Air Travel & Sequestration.

The sequestration furloughs and delays are upon us it seems, so I’ll take the opportunity to pass along a few tips and inside stuff from my aviation career that may help get us through the TSA line faster, and improve the overall flying experience. When I flew tours on Kauai I encountered some of the same delays and snags found at a modern airport, albeit on a miniature scale. As I boarded my passengers, they were often overwhelmed with rules, prohibitions, directions and information. A motivational speaker once told me, ‘A confused mind always says ‘No.’ The tour pilot’s snarky translation of the motivator’s comment was, ‘tourists leave their brain on the Mainland.’ Ungenerous though it sounds, there’s an element of truth to it. (For an example, see Chapter 26 of The Sky Behind Me...)

In an airport terminal, a situation filled with confusing imagery, signage, audiovisuals and official herding, our confusion level and our ‘No’ instinct can be very high indeed, as it was on Kauai for my tour clients. So remember these items next time you herd through the TSA line: Get there early. There are on-line delay info resources that can help, but an hour for domestic flights and two hours for internationals should do it. Leave the knives at home. I know, people shouldn’t have to be told they can’t take weapons on board a commercial flight these days, but we Americans always seem to need something close by that we can whip out either for protection or sustenance. Never know when you’ll have to peel an orange or skin a bear, ya know? Speaking of sharp stuff, minimize the piercings if you can. That tongue ring may be just the thing that gets you yanked out of line. Wear comfortable shoes. Those knee-length lace-ups that take thirty minutes to untie? Not on the flight, okay? Loafers and sandals are the ticket. And for our religious or follicly-challenged friends, the headdress can be a problem. You can wear it, but it could get you pulled aside, especially if it’s loose fitting or big enough to hide a small child or other encumbrance. You might get frisked. Just saying. Find a clear plastic envelope thingie, tie a string to it and wear it like a necklace with your ID inside. It saves a bunch of time and can spare the embarrassment of losing a driver’s license, boarding pass or other ID. Stow the coat in checked baggage, because coats are always subject to imagery. Don’t wear a belt with a metal buckle. No belt at all is better. Take stuff out of your pockets, all of it, even the pet rock, especially the pet rock.

While we’re on the subject, be kind to the flight crews. I admit that my past career in aviation makes me a bit sensitive here, but I’ve seen enough rude passengers to last a lifetime. Flight attendants do a superb job with not much room, help or time. Enough with the whining about slow service, lack of pillows & blankets and meager snack items. Get over yourself. Besides, flight attendants aren’t exactly the young, agile, fly all day party all night set any more. Average age these days for a flight attendant is 55. Consider the pilots, too. Sure, they get to ride up in the pointy end all day, but they’ve scraped and scrapped to get there, and they are, by and large incredibly well trained and competent. They rarely get lost, seldom crash and they all value their own hides at least as much as we do, trust me on this. There’s a reason it’s truly safer today to fly than drive, an item I passed along to my skittish passengers. The air transport system itself is remarkable. The fact that we can step aboard a metal tube with (reasonably comfortable) seats, a cylinder that takes us four miles high, travels at 500 miles per hour in warm, safe, pressurized ease, plus don’t forget those cute little bottles of Southern Comfort, then deposits us at our destination with little fanfare with a little squeak of rubber on asphalt, and then takes us home again none the worse for wear, if perhaps with no more pet rock, is nothing short of amazing. Give the aviation folks a break, will’ya? Maybe even say thank you? Just saying. Oh, and one more thing: watch your language. Jokes about bombs and hijacking and TSA people laughing about low-res images of your puny private parts? They’re not laughing, just astonished, and they really frown on that ha-ha stuff. Just saying.

A lurch to the right

A picture is often worth more than dozens of words, and this one’s no exception. Taken in Watertown MA a few days ago, it shows SWAT team members scouring a neighborhood for the at large Marathon Bomber, a young fellow, as it turns out, who was a native of Chechnya, and a Muslim. No motive yet, but it appears at first glance his anger and motivation had some connection, however loose, to his conviction that the U.S. is at war with Islam. Our challenge as Americans is to maintain our values in situations such as this, keep reminding ourselves that we are not, as the fugitive seems to believe, at war with Islam or any other religion and not take a sharp turn to the right. Particularly now with immigration reform so close to becoming reality, we must persevere in our belief that all are welcome here, provided they obey our laws, work at making themselves successful as Americans and paying back by accepting everyone else as they have been accepted. This involves leaving one’s religious sensitivities in places of worship and not forcing views on anyone, a fundamental American tenet. Turning right toward Zenophobia and distrust does no one any good. It only feeds on itself. And we’re better than that.

An open letter to the catholic bishop of Columbus Ohio:

An open letter to the catholic bishop of Columbus from a former catholic.

Bishop Campbell, you don’t know me, and I’ve never met you, but allow me to introduce myself. I’m a former catholic who grew up in Columbus, attended Immaculate Conception church & school, then St. Andrew. I entered the seminary at age fourteen because I wanted to be a priest. It was not to be. I was sexually abused in the seminary by a member of the catholic clergy, and my dream of the priesthood died. I was abused in a school that is, or was, under the control of the diocese of Columbus. The Sts. Peter & Paul seminary near Newark is long closed. I’ve come to understand that I was not the only boy abused in that place, and by the same individual.

Every case of abuse that’s come to light over the years causes me more anguish, for the children involved, and the damage they’ve incurred when an individual— and an institution— to which they’ve given their childlike trust has hurt them so. Every time I hear of the church’s now standard denial of culpability, its default self-protection and blaming of victims I feel that anguish yet again. Every time I hear of another case of an abusive priest slapped on the wrist, then shuffled off to another parish I burn inside, seeing the power the church holds in this criminal enterprise, the power to suppress lawful procedure. Bishop Campbell, why are those child abusers not in jail? If I were to call a young boy to my private room, and then gratify myself sexually with him, I would go to jail, sir. For a very long time. I would not be given the option of counseling, and a transfer to another parish where I might take another child to my room. Every time I hear of this happening again, and it still does, I ache for those kids, and their families and the damage done. And then I hear of it yet again.

I’m writing to you not to go back over old, useless hurts and betrayals by members of the church but about a new one, or perhaps another example of the many continuing cases of such abuse. A woman has lost her job and career, lost her standing in the school and her position as a beloved teacher because of who she is, and how she loves. Bishop Campbell this may be the worst anguish of all, that the church has begun practicing its abusive behavior in public, dismissing a human being without cause or provocation because she happens to love someone of the same gender. It has truly come to this, that the catholic church is so far afield that in the face and evidence of love it lashes out in self-protection.

I ask you not to revert to the timeworn proscriptions about homosexuality and biblical guidance, and instead to call the firing of Carla Hale what it is: abuse. She must feel abused as I was all those years ago, banished by an institution she loved and trusted when an ancient and baseless fear, promoted by an ignorant parishioner, forced you to act in self-defense of the church, instead of from the love and understanding of a human being.  

I hear the responses already, from those catholics rushing in to protect their church, and to rise in defense of their holy faith. “Bitter man,” they will say. “Fallen away” “Needs to return to the fold” “Angry and misled,” they will say. Today I read the self-indulgent response of one of them, a man named Joshua Bowman. Mr. Bowman is in a righteous state, bemoaning the prospect that you will be “... sent to jail for upholding the Catholic faith.” The catholic faith I grew up with urged love and acceptance, not punishing someone for being honest about their love for another person. And yes, Mr. Bowman, those who break the law should go to jail. Your spokesman continues, “.. a 19-year lie.” Bowman should be ashamed. Carla Hale had nothing to lie about. She never discussed her sexuality. She was outed by a hateful parishioner who of course chose the coward’s cloak of anonymity. Agreement with the school, Mr. Bowman? “...provided she kept it quiet.” What about all the sexual abuse the church kept quiet, Mr. Bowman? I never made such an agreement, and Carla Hale didn’t either, because she had nothing to keep quiet about. Shame on all of you.

The church is no longer part of my life. I miss the ritual, the comfort, the deep historical legacy of love and compassion and acceptance that I was immersed in as a child. But I don’t miss the breathtaking hypocrisy that characterizes today’s catholic church, especially when it comes to its treatment of LGBT people. You, sir, should be ashamed to belong to such a misguided and corrosive institution. Especially with its immense power to do good in the world, it is beyond tragic that the catholic church chooses instead to increase the level of hate and exclusion. Maybe the biggest loss of all is that the church has failed to uphold the sacred bond of trust, that among all institutions it was a place of safety, and acceptance and understanding. No more.

I don’t expect anything to come of this letter. Or what I do expect is more of the same dissimulation and excuses, the typical default to self-protection the church has down to a science. But I needed to write anyway, in the hope that one voice might nudge the monolithic church forward to a better place, a place where people are once again seen not as sinful, broken, misguided supplicants at the mercy of the church’s power and judgment, but as human beings who love and live and do what humans do. Carla Hale should be reinstated, if that is her choice. She should be given a very forthright, and very public apology. The hateful letter writer should confess at the very least, make amends at most. The entire affair is reprehensible and sad. What a wonderful opportunity lost.

Byron Edgington
edgington.29@osu.edu
April 19 2013

To my female colleagues...Fair Skies, perfect landings...

A recent FaceBook posting showed American aviator Jerrie Mock. Ms Mock was the first woman to fly solo around the world. She did this amazing feat in 1964, almost 37 years after Amelia Earhart attempted the first circumnavigation of the earth by a female aviator. Jerrie Mock, from Newark Ohio, secured her place in aviation, and popular history–or herstory–as the case may be with little fanfare. But for that FaceBook post I would not have remembered the date and the event, even though my own past history is immersed in aviation facts.
So today I pay tribute, however humble and limited, to women in aviation, those who navigated forward for their sisters, daughters and other female dreamers and doers. These women were, and are, by and large, products of their times insofar as their role was to be mothers, homemakers, servants of the family, encouraged to put their own aspiration to fly aside, regardless of what that soaring endeavor might be. Willa Brown, the first African American woman to earn a commercial pilot license also helped create the Coffey School of Aeronautics in Chicago. Bessie Coleman was the first Black woman to earn a pilot’s license of any kind. Jacqueline Cochran, close friend of Amelia Earhart, was the first woman jet pilot in an F-86, and first to break the sound barrier, in 1953. Cochran later became the first female to break mach 2. Earhart herself was the first woman, and only the second person to solo across the Atlantic. Beyond the atmosphere, Valentina Tereshkova was the first woman in space when she logged 48 orbits of earth in Vostok 6 in 1963. The first American woman in space was Dr. Sally Ride who lifted off in Challenger in June 1983. Other female aviation pioneers showed the way for those who followed, young women who dream of leaving earth’s constraints and restrictions behind to soar in their own way.
Which was, come to think of it, very much my own motivation once upon a time. So here’s to my female colleagues who know the joy and exhilaration of flight. Tail winds, smooth air and perfect landings.

Aviation & Life: Shared Conundrums

The word means puzzle, mystery, riddle if you will. Phoneme: /kəˈnəndrəm/ and a fact of current life. To whit: Why do we seem to make split-second decisions for the most important issues of our lives, i.e. political candidates who make decisions for all of us, and take our sweet time over things that need a definitive response, like right now, like five minutes ago? We are silly creatures by and large, and that explains some of it. But not all, sadly.
I’m watching YouTube videos of airplane crashes. It’s something I do to pass the time now that I’m no longer in the position to add to those videos myself, having retired from the aviation/crash business some time ago. The videos always make me cringe, especially those involving helicopters. In each one there’s a common thread, a singular ingredient that wends its way through all, and that is, for lack of a better term, poor timing. So the conundrum factor again, this time in the air. Every crash sequence I’ve seen shows a machine fully in control, its human apparatus doing a reasonable job of keeping wings attached, attitude pleasantly nominal, respect for the durability of the ground honored in every way. Until it’s not. In every video there is a moment’s indecision, an instantaneous spark of time during which plane and pilot lose connection, one with the other, and gravity does its duty, bringing the entire mechanical affair crumpling to the ground. That split second, that spark of an instant, that whip-crack of time means the difference between a landing and an investigation. In aviation perhaps more than any other aspect of life the conundrum looms large. Pilots must decide, and that rather quickly, the more basic issues of their lives.
A homely, but nonetheless useful phrase makes its way among flight instructors: “A poor student can hurt you; but a great student can kill you.” Counter intuitive? Not so much. Those same instructors watch the laggards, the plodders, the less competent students with somewhat more investment in their progress. Great students are watched with a degree of ease, even complacency perhaps, until that same spark of time enters the situation, that instantaneous, split-second moment grafted into all those YouTube videos when a flight profile, or attitude adjustment or aircraft configuration could have been addressed and adjusted. Since the Wrights explored all the wrongs of aviation, at least those they could discover at the time, aviators have invented no new ways crash, no innovative ways to prove gravity’s enduring presence. The conundrum then, I suppose, at least in aviation, is that we keep trying.

How to Fly Good: Post #3

One of the more common questions I heard during my career as a commercial helicopter pilot was so lacking in subtlety it was almost comical: “Did you ever crash?” The unspoken subtext of that question was, of course you have, but how many times, and how many fatalities were involved? In other words, we know helicopters are dangerous, please fill in the details and affirm our misperception.
The truth is, dear readers, I never crashed. I take that back, I did crash once, but that was after I quit flying, whole other story, and here it is if your remotely interested. The misperception does, however, exist that helicopters are inherently unsafe machines, and no one in their right mind would board one unless they were forced to. Today’s post addresses that misperception in a lighthearted but, I hope, adequate way that explains first where the perception arose, and why it did in the first place. No popular belief becomes popular without some basis in actual fact, and the myth that helicopters are inherently dangerous is no exception. Here’s why I believe it persists, and how the myth may possibly be put to rest.
First I should mention the difference between airplanes, referred to as fixed-wing aircraft in my trade and helicopters, so called rotary-wing aircraft. An airplane is inherently stable. Take off in an airplane, level the sucker off, trim it up just right and it will fly itself a long time unless it is rudely interrupted by wind, turbulence or a purposely incompetent pilot. Take your hands off the control of an airplane and let go and very little happens. It will in fact fly itself. An airplane is inherently stable.
Take a helicopter into the air, let go of the controls and it will crash. Period. No discussion, no appeal to the aviation god, no excuses, crash, boom, down you go. It is perhaps the easiest way known to man, woman or beast that gravity ain’t just a good idea, it’s the law. A helicopter is inherently unstable.
Physicists discuss the properties of stability using arcane mathematical formulas and numerical ratios and all that complicated stuff no one but physicists themselves understand or care about. Here’s the way stability was explained to me in flight school, back when I could identify a helicopter seven out of ten times, and was, in fact, learning to fly them as a direct result of not getting simple physics in college, thus drafted, thus on to flight school blah, blah. Take a shiny rounded hubcap and your common, everyday marble. Steal one from your kids if kids still play marbles. Do they? I don’t know, I hope so. Place the hubcap on the table open side up, as if you’d pour the morning frosted flakes into it. Good. Now take the marble, place it at the upper edge of the bowl/hubcap and let go. The marble will take off, roll across the bottom center of the bowl, rise on the other side not quite as high as when it was dropped, run out of momentum, race to the bottom center again, rattle on and on and on, energy fading until it comes to rest in the exact center bottom of the bowl and stops. This is inherent stability. This is the airplane of our story.
Now take the same bowl and turn it over. (Wait till the frosted flakes are gone so you don’t make a mess.) Put it on the table convex side up. Place the marble at the center top, then let go. Unless gravity has been suspended at your house, as it was in the sixties for a time, the marble will take off and head for the nearest exit, racing as quickly as possible for the bottom, where it will skip off the table and be gone where your kid will demand you find it. No way, short of super glue or a soggy frosted flake for its adhesive will that marble stay atop that bowl. No way. This is inherent instability. This is the helicopter of our tale.
This is, I believe, also the genesis of the misperception that helicopters are dangerous. Too many people either misunderstand the pilot’s critical role at the controls, or they eat their frosted flakes in a rather unconventional manner. It also explains why many non-flyers, and most airplane pilots I should mention, believe that helicopter pilots have lost their marbles.