Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 36

The No. 1 Reason You Are Existing Instead of Living

There is an audio version at the end.

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I can distinctly remember how I felt the day my dreams died. I was 17 years old, and because of an incredibly difficult upbringing, I was homeless. I tried to be a responsible adult and juggle everything. I went to high school, did my homework, and spent my nights living in shelters, the streets, and friends’ couches.

I knew that I needed income, so I got one job, then two, and then three. Working three jobs, high school, and the craziness of my living situation were too much. When something had to give, it ended being high school. I dropped out. As I walked out of the school, I could feel every dream and plan for my life dying.

I met the woman who would become my wife at one of those jobs; we became husband and wife the day after I turned 18. She wanted me to get my life in order and chase my dream of being a writer. The first thing I did was get my G.E.D.

Life for the next 12 years could be best described as “existing.” I got a string of jobs and eventually started a business. I hated what I did for “work” and it affected every area of my life. As a result, in 2011, we were $180,000 in debt, I was 170 pounds overweight, and we lived in a place that had us fearing for our safety.

In 2011 when everything in my life was falling apart, I decided enough was enough. I needed to vent so I wrote about everything that had happened. When I got all of the thoughts out of my head and onto paper, I realized it was a lot of words.

My No. 1 dream was to be an author and walk into a bookstore and see my book. When I thought of sending my words to a publisher, or putting together an eBook and self-publishing, something stopped me in my tracks. I was fed up, I had big dreams, but there was something stronger holding me back.

The fear I had is typical. The thing that holds most of us back from living our dream life or even taking action is the number one reason we exist in life instead of live. I couldn’t move forward or take action because I was waiting for permission.

Stop Waiting for Permission

Too often in life, we wait for permission to chase big dreams or live the kind of life we want to live. We wait for validation; we wait for someone we respect or love to tell us it’s “OK” to do what we want to do. We hesitate because we listen to our doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs and wait for permission to overcome them.

Growing up the idea of waiting for permission was ingrained in us. We were taught that you should listen to those who “know” more than we do. We were taught that to be successful you had to follow the same path. It was never spoken, but the idea of doing something outside the lines was frowned upon.

Here’s the thing to understand, no one will ever give you permission. If you’re going to do incredible things in life and live out your dream, you are going to have to be the one to take action.

You don’t need to wait for permission because of these three factors:

1. We have access to knowledge. When you want to know something, what’s the first thing you do? You Google or YouTube it. We have access to the information that can teach us how to do what we want to do.

2. We have incredible technology. The things that are happening right before our eyes are amazing. New technology makes it easier to do things we could never do in the past.

3. Life is short. We know this in our minds, yet we don’t live life this way. Time is the one thing we’ll never get back. Before you know it, you’ll come to the end of your life with regret or fantastic memories.

Life hurts at times. You determine to live a better life and circumstances punch you in the stomach. Some take the punch and give up, others learn from it and use it as fuel to push them to greatness. I hope you use it as fuel.

No one will ever give you permission, and there will always be stressful situations to overcome. You have what it takes. You are powerful and stronger than you realize. You will change the world if you believe in yourself and what’s possible. Believe! It starts in your mind. Determine right now that you’re NOT going to wait for permission.

When I stopped waiting for permission, I lost 170 pounds and quit a job I hated to write. My book, Are You Living or Existing? 9 Steps to Change Your Life, is now a Publisher’s Weekly best-selling book. One year ago, our family moved from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to our dream destination of Maui, Hawaii. I stopped waiting and started living.

Audio version:

I hope you’ll do the same.

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Photo: Flickr/Kristof Magyar

This article originally appeared in The Huffington Post.

3 Numbers to Ignore While Building a Dream

There is an audio version at the end. 

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Everywhere you look in our society, there is a comparison. The way we measure progress is by comparing where we are to where someone else is. There are times when this makes sense, but too often it’s a dream killer.

Getting into the comparison game can lead to depression and your dreams dying. The most important point to understand is that we are all different. Each of us is special and unique, and not designed to be the clone of someone else. We have different dreams and will make them our reality in different ways.

In the online business space—the space I make a living and love talking about—the comparison game is rampant. We are constantly looking at, and judging the numbers someone else has.

The result ends up being people feeling like an imposter because they don’t have a huge following. It stunts people from speaking out or getting their message out in a big way because of a false sense of accomplishment.

Here are three types of numbers you should avoid comparing, or focusing all your attention on while building your dream.

1. Social Media Friends/Followers

I’ve had more offers than I can count from people who want me to hire them to build my social media presence. They tell me to have “authority,” you must have a huge social media following. I call hogwash!

If I wanted a large social media following, I could just buy one. How many times have you seen offers to buy Twitter followers, Facebook likes, or Instagram followers? You can buy a HUGE following, but it will be worthless because there’s no engagement.

The truth is social media is only one part of what should be a diverse marketing strategy. The organic reach of social media is nothing these days unless you pay for it. When you’re building, it’s better to focus on 20% strategies that end up growing your social media presence anyways.

Every week I write for large websites. Since January, I have added 800 likes to my Facebook fan page, 1,600 new Twitter followers and a bunch on LinkedIn, Google Plus, and Instagram. All without paying for it or without focusing on it. The best part is that these people are engaged because they came from content that they liked. Don’t lose sleep over your social media presence while you’re building. It will come as your audience grows.

2. Shares/Comments on Content

When you’re starting out or growing, there is a danger in focusing on how much people share your content. You want people to come to your website and see huge numbers. If they don’t, you feel defeated when your numbers aren’t as big as someone else’s. If this is your focus, it will lead to disappointment.

I could tell you results from my blog, but let’s move to a bigger stage. I’m a senior editor at the Good Men Project—a website that gets eight million monthly visitors. One of the benefits I get as an editor is access to GMP’s Google Analytics account—I get to see all the numbers. I can tell you that I’ve seen articles that get shared thousands of times that don’t have a lot of views. There are articles that don’t get shared at all, but have over 100,000 views.

There is content that people like and absorb but aren’t comfortable sharing. So while the big shares and comments are nice, they can be deceiving. Your number one goal should be engagement, inspiration, AND action. You’re putting messages out there to help people in their lives, not to get shares. Your focus should be on helping.

3. Status and Accolades

One of the sad things about this industry is all the lying that takes place. In podcasting, there is a strategy called, “Twitter bombing.” Basically, a podcaster tweets out a direct download link of their show; they use a service to find high click hashtags. Every time someone clicks on the link, it counts as a download. There are podcasters getting over 100,000 of these “downloads” but only have ten actual listeners.

In the book world, there are authors who sell ten copies of their book and become #1 in a certain category on Amazon. There are even some who make their book free and claim to be a “bestseller” when the book hits #1 in a category, even though, the book was free.

In the blogging world, there are some who share their posts on Reddit and StumbleUpon and drive up huge numbers. The numbers are great, but those people come and go. The blogger brags about having 10,000 weekly “readers.”

I’m not trying to take a shot at anyone; I just want to demonstrate a point. It’s easy to fudge numbers or elevate your status through loopholes, but in the end, you don’t make money and still have to get honest with yourself. Status and accolades can be effective if you use them the right way and don’t try to deceive people.

My biggest concern is for those of you reading this who feel like you can’t do what you want to do because you don’t have the numbers. The numbers can easily be manipulated so don’t let them stop you.

Your numbers will grow—and the right way—as you build your dream. Just don’t get discouraged before you can get there. Focus on WHY you’re doing this and don’t look back.

Audio version: 

What numbers do you focus on?

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Photo: Flickr/ reynermedia

Your Dream Isn’t That Scary (Recap of My First TEDx Talk)

In the audio version, I answer the question of how I got this opportunity. 

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After three weeks of practicing, stressing out, and every emotion you can imagine, I gave a 15-minute TEDx talk at TEDx Monta, Vista. The most surprising part was how quickly it was over.

I read books, watched lots of videos, and talked to other TEDx Speakers. The truth is once you get on stage all that stuff goes out the window. At that point, your practice is what helps you get through the talk without it sounding awkward.

The two things I was not ready for were how bright the lights would be, and having to hold a microphone. The lapel mics weren’t working with the system, so we had to go old school. They say the key to a good talk is your body movement, and with having to hold a microphone, my movements were limited. In the end, it all worked out.

My slides ROCKED! They were designed by Cory Jim from Empowered Presentations. I can’t wait for the video to release, I want you to see them now. Check out my slides: TEDx 4.13.15 widescreen.

The video should be released on TEDx’s YouTube channel within the next 30 days. I’m curious to see how it turns out. Whenever you do something like this, you always remember the 100 things that could have made it better, after you’re done. I kind of hate that feeling.

Touring California

With the talk over, I got to have fun in California. We don’t have a Chipotle’s in Maui, so one of the first things I did was get Chipotles! I have to be honest, I ate there twice, Then, the organizers of the TEDx conference gave me a gift certificate for $20 to Chipotles. I went two more times. Hey, don’t judge me, it’s been 14 months!

I also got to take a little day trip to San Francisco. I have never seen the Golden Gate Bridge, so I thought, “Why not?” It was magnificent! The cool thing about all of this is what I worked so hard to create: freedom.

I spent an entire week away from my business, and it was OK, I still generated income. I got the chance to speak at what is the pinnacle event for speakers and had fun doing it. I struggled for years getting here, but the struggle was worth it.

I also got a chance to meet some friends I’ve made online, in person! Big thank you to Renee Harris (and her husband Jonathan), Mary Kathryn Johnson, and Catharine Burhenne-Sanderson (and her husband and father).

Your Dream

Preparing for this opportunity was nerve-racking. I have spoken over 60 times, all over the world, but this stage and opportunity have the potential to reach millions. My talk could even end up on Netflix! While it’s scary, it was what I needed.

Chasing dreams is scary stuff. You’re trying to do things that are well outside of your comfort zone, and you could fail miserably. The alternative should be scarier. You could live your entire life playing it safe and end up dying with regret in your heart.

I have experienced so many amazing things these last four years. I’m convinced that too many of us dream to low. It doesn’t feel like it when things aren’t going as planned, but that’s life. I wish everything worked out how we want it too, but life isn’t a movie.

I just wanted to give you a recap of a cool experience and a little encouragement. You can and will live your dream if you do something about it.

Audio version:

What is one major dream you want to accomplish this year? 

3 Reasons Why We Need to Stop Waiting For Permission

There is an audio version below.

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*As you’re read this, I’m in California give my first TEDx talk at TEDX Monta, Vista. My talk is called, “Stop Waiting for Permission.” This article inspired the talk.*

Maybe it’s the news or negative experiences in our past, but too many of us are skeptical of success. Every time we see a story of someone successful, we analyze it to see what lucky break that person experienced along the way.

There are some who get lucky; there are some that experience a sudden windfall—like an inheritance. In general, however, when you see someone who is experiencing success, there’s a backstory of them busting their butt to get there.

When we are skeptical of success, we can’t get to a place in our mind that allows us to believe it’s possible for us. If we don’t believe in something, we won’t take the necessary steps to change our situation.

The reason too many of us are skeptical is because we’re waiting for permission. We’re waiting for someone or some situation to be in place before we can believe in ourselves and our dreams.

Waiting for permission has held too many of us from the life we truly deserve. Here are three reasons why we need to stop waiting for permission.

1. Life passes us by too quickly

Life is short. I’m well aware that those words have become cliché. They are true, and before we know it, life will pass us by. We only get one life to live and time is the only thing we can never get back.

It’s too easy for us to wake up every day and sleepwalk through our life. When we wait to do something about our goals and dreams, we waste the precious time we have on this earth. We wait for permission and live someone else’s life in the meantime.

We need to get honest about the kind of life we want to live, no matter how scary it is. Making changes scares the daylights out of all of us, but the alternative should be even more frightening.

2. We have the tools and technology we need for success

We have incredible opportunities around us that make a way for us to achieve success. I’m an author who self-published two books. I was a high school dropout who had a dream to be a writer. In the past, this goal would not have been possible.

With social media, the Internet, and Amazon, I was able to self-publish my books and sell enough copies to quit a job I hated. Yes, this is hard to do, but it is possible today because of the advances we’re experiencing every day.

We no longer have to wait for the old-school gatekeepers to create freedom in our work, health, and relationships. We can research what it takes, put a plan in place, and take action on that plan. We can do this on our own. We don’t need permission from someone sitting in the cheap seats.

3. No one will ever give us permission

At the end of the day, if we are going to experience success in our life, it will come from what we do. No one will tell us that we’re ready or that what we’re doing is smart. Most people are terrified of change and consider significant life changes as “radical.”

If we want to make our dreams a reality, we have to believe in our self and the idea, and then do something about it. We have to beat our doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs. We have to ignore the naysayers—they will never get it.

All those stories we see of success don’t have to be a mystery. We don’t have to be skeptical of success. There are some of us facing stressful situations that are hard to recover from. There are things that happen to us that are out of our control–I get that.

The system is not set up to help people. The game is not set up in our favor, but that doesn’t mean we can’t experience success in each of our lives. If it’s going to happen, it will only happen when we stop waiting to live the kind of life we want to live.

Audio version: 

Are you waiting for permission?

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This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Photo: Flickr/ Moon Lee

5 Mindset Traps That Keep You Stuck

There is an audio version below.

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When it comes to creating freedom in your life, the battle starts in your mind. Everyone struggles with doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs. Some use them as fuel to do what most people think is impossible. Some, sadly, give into these roadblocks and stay stuck.

Whenever we read something about mindset, we say, “thanks for the reminder.” While we think of this as a reminder, we fail to realize how important mindset is to making significant changes in our life. Mindset strength isn’t a reminder; it’s a daily battle to conquer the most important part of life-change.

Mindset traps keep too many dreamers stuck or defeated from even trying. There are five common, but critical mindset traps all of us need to overcome every day if we’re going to live our dreams and change the world.

1. I have to take on as much as possible

In our society, we wear busyness as a badge of honor. The busier we are, the more important we feel. When someone asks us something, we’re proud to say we’re busy.

Being busy doesn’t help you accomplish your dream. There are a thousand meaningless tasks that can suck your attention yet not help you achieve your goals. Social media alone takes more time than it gives back in ROI.

Your goal should be to take on the tasks that will help you where you are. Take on the tasks that will help your next steps. Being busy keeps you from what’s important to your life and will make your family hate your dream.

2. I have to do what the influencers do

When you see someone successful, it’s natural to want to copy what they do. You figure that if they had success in that way, you can too if you do what they did. I wish it were that simple, but it’s NOT.

When it comes to doing business, people always choose the original. You should strive to model success, not copy it. Influencers aren’t the key to your success, you are. Use systems but don’t become a clone.

3. I can’t make real money

Making money on your dream is incredibly hard. I remember being bitter when I didn’t make money with my books. I saw others selling books and thought they were lying, and all of this is a scam. Once I changed what I valued, the money followed.

There IS real money in your dream. It starts with point one and two. Once you stop wasting time and focus, you can see where the real money can be made. You offer incredible value and your time is worth more. Don’t settle because you think you have to, take your dream seriously.

4. I have to work for free

Man, this one makes me mad. I have heard so many “experts,” say that working for free is the way to paid work. FALSE! I coached 127 hours for free thinking it would lead to paid coaching; it didn’t. I believe life gives you the best experience, so I don’t regret it, but free doesn’t work.

Your time is the most valuable thing you have, and you should charge accordingly. You only get one life to live and time is the one thing you’ll never get back. You don’t and shouldn’t give it away for free. People don’t respect what they get for free and when they have skin in the game; they are more likely to take action.

5. It’s too hard to create freedom

Yes, building your dream is hard. I’m not going to give you a cheesy line, but there’s a reason too many dreamers wash out. While it may be hard, it’s important. You could wake up every day doing something you love, or something you hate.

My life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty sweet. I get to wake up and experience freedom. I can spend my time reading, writing to you, and listening to music. I get to coach the most amazing clients and consult some excellent companies. AND, I get paid to do this. Are you kidding me? It took three years and many tears but I created this life, and you better believe it was worth the struggle.

I don’t know where you are in your journey, but your mindset is crucial and needs to be addressed every day. Don’t fall for these five mindset traps that keep too many dreamers stuck.

Realize that this all comes down to a choice. You decide what you will believe and what actions you take. I hope you choose to believe in yourself and your dreams.

Audio version:

Where are you at in your dream chasing journey?

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Photo: Flickr/ Kenny Louie

The Never-Ending Work of Building Our Dream

There is an audio version below.

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To be honest, I don’t feel like writing this article. For those of you who know me, you’re thinking, “I thought that dude was a writing addict.” I love to write almost more than breathing, yet I’m not feeling it. I wish I could fake it, but this is like pulling teeth.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. There are times when I dread a podcast interview I have on my schedule. There are events that are paying me to speak, but I don’t want to get on stage in front of a group of strangers.

Most of you know I’m a high-functioning introvert, so maybe that contributes to these feelings, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think some reading this feel the same way.

We Aren’t the Energize Bunny

I’m the first one to tell you that to make your dream your reality, you have to hustle. You have to find time in the margins between your day job to work on your dream. The harder you hustle, the more progress you make.

While hustle is important, none of us is the Energizer Bunny. We NEED a break. We need to step away from our dreams and take a deep breath.

Despite waking up every day and living my dream, I still need a break from it. I have written over half a million words and my fingers and mind are feeling it. If I keep pushing, I know I will start to get bitter towards writing.

Hustle Smarter

Ok, it’s been a week since I started this. I took a week away to refresh and enjoyed the quiet moments (while my kids were in school). I needed that break even though life is good.

You need a break, too. I know how hard you’re hustling, and I know what you want to accomplish, but you have to hustle smarter. Hustling more intelligently means having the right balance and focus.

If you have a family, they have to come first. After that, you need to work hard, but take breaks. I’m not telling you to get out of the car, so to speak. I’m saying to ease off the gas pedal as you come to intersections. If you’re single, you will still need breaks.

One of the main reasons dreamers crash and burn is because of burnout. Yes, life is short, but building a dream isn’t going to happen overnight. It takes time and focused effort.

There will always be something you have to do that’s a part of your dream chasing journey. Even after you’ve accomplished freedom, the tasks keep piling up.

I want you to live out your dream. I want you to do it this year; that would be super cool! But, I want you to build your dream lifestyle without turning it into a nightmare.

Take breaks and refresh your perspective. Maintain the proper balance. Don’t settle. The danger in writing this article is that some will read it and let it feed into previously used excuses. Please, don’t settle. Chase your dreams in a smarter way. Be honest with yourself.

Audio version:

Have you been worn out while chasing a dream?

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Photo: Flickr/ bark

6 Steps to Creating Freedom in Your Work

There is an audio version below.

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Gallup tells us that Americans now work 47 hours a week. That time could be spent doing something you love, and that compliments your life. It can also be spent doing work that you dislike and causes stress in other areas of your life. Each of us have a choice to make.

I do realize that there are some reading this who are stuck in stressful situations. It can be a single parent raising children, a person who was unexpectedly layed off, or someone who got cheated in some way. In those situations, you have to get into survival mode–do what it takes to weather the storm.

Most reading this, however, can and should do something about their work situation. I have talked to many of you and understand that freedom in your work is a goal. Here are six ways to create that freedom.

1. Identify your dream work situation. Identifying is the most important step in creating freedom. We think we know what we want, but spend years trying different things. Before I chose this lifestyle, I tested ten other ways to create income. You have to think about what you want from life and how your work fits into those goals. Talk to friends, interact with a mastermind group, pray/meditate, but take some time to get honest about how you want to spend those 47 hours a week.

What are you passionate about/enjoy doing? It’s cheesy, I know, but if you do something you don’t enjoy, it will feel like a job after a while. Is there something you’re superb at? These can be clues.

2. Research. Google and a wealth of other online resources have created an incredible opportunity to study our dreams. We can map out exactly what it will take to get from point A to Z. You have to research your goals and research each step. This is where too many dreamers get lost.

Instead of doing the research, they follow commonly accepted advice that takes time away from where they should be. Choose research over other people’s opinion. Use a place like Khan Academy to help, it’s free.

3. Create a plan. We are talking about making life changes, not having a plan will have you frustrated and quitting. This step may seem obvious, but too many dreamers head down this path without clear goals or a plan to accomplish those goals. Use your research to create a step-by-step plan. This plan is a blueprint and what you will follow to figure out your next steps.

4. Get exposure. Whatever you choose to do for work, you will need leads that turn into clients. If you’re reading this, an online business probably appeals to you. I have written a lot about how to get exposure; I have a free guide when you subscribe to my email list. I talked about how to get exposure with Pat Flynn on Smart Passive Income. Today’s tools and access make it easier for us “little guys” to get exposure.

5. Figure out how you can add value. Figuring out your value is also significant. Too often, we see others who are successful and think copying them is how we find success. Rarely, does it work. How many Pat Flynn and John Lee Dumas copycats have you seen? When someone wants to do business, they’re going to hire the original.

Figure out where you can make an impact in your unique voice. What makes you special? Use that to connect with an audience who will get it and embrace you for it. Model success, but don’t copy it. Use what works but make it unique by adding your individual spin.

6. Focus and grow. Sometimes you just have to say NO. Derek Halpern is an acquired taste, but he made a valid point in a recent video. There are a thousand different directions that lead to rabbit holes; you have to focus on what will help your next steps. Once you have figured out what your value is, get exposure and grow. Use what’s working to add income and build freedom in your work.

Keep it simple. There’s so much conflicting advice that won’t get you closer to your dream. Focus on serving those who fit your message and charge a fair price for what you do.

Be mindful of your time, it’s your most precious resource. In this journey to create freedom in our work, we feel that giving away our value for free is how people will pay us. It’s NOT! Don’t give away your value, this is your dream. If you can’t understand why people should pay you, they won’t.

You can build freedom in your work. Patience, a good plan, and crazy determination will make your dream a reality.

Audio version:

How are you creating freedom in your work?

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Photo: Flickr/ Eric Magnuson

The Day After My Father’s Funeral

There is an audio version below.

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My parents went through a divorce when I was 4 years old. The earliest memories I have of my father are not positive. My parents constantly fought — the final nail in the coffin being my father cutting open my little brother’s lip when he hit him.

I grew up hating my father.

He hurt my mother, brother, and several family members. He hurt me by not being a father I could look up to, and learn how to be a man from. As I became an adult, my hatred for him grew.

There was a point where that hatred decreased. I left my parents home at 17 and was homeless. I dropped out of high school and got three jobs to survive. I didn’t have time to think about him.

When I got myself established, he tried to reach out. His voicemail said he just wanted to say HI. I broke the answering machine.

I met the woman who would become my wife, got my G.E.D., and we started our life together. I got steady work, a place, and we started a family. My father continued to reach out.

I ignored him.

We had our first son a year later. My father heard about him from my grandfather — who I had an amazing relationship with. My grandfather was always there for my brother and me.

It had been years and my hatred for my father had faded. I told him he could see his grandson. From then on, I would talk to him every few months. He would come over to see his grandchildren, and he would keep apologizing. We kept this kind of relationship until April of 2012.

I can remember every second of the call. I can feel every emotion that ran through my body during that call. My grandfather called to tell me my father died in his sleep. He was 54 years old.

I got off the phone and didn’t know how to react; there were so many conflicting emotions. I simply hung up and went to bed. The next few days were a blur. I did all the normal life stuff, but in the back of my mind was a pinging. His funeral was a week later.

The funeral was torture. People came to express their condolences, but I was clueless as to what to do or how to react — this was my first death experience, and we weren’t close.

During the funeral, I found out some things I didn’t know about my father. He was a paramedic and had saved some lives. He volunteered for the Salvation Army and helped a lot of people. The biggest shock being how his mother died.

My grandmother had died before I was born, and it was a topic that wasn’t discussed in our family. She died when my father was young, and her death affected him in ways that no one realized. He battled a lot of demons after her death.

I got home from his funeral and lost it — I completely broke down. Every emotion from 32 years of life came crashing down on me. I cried for two hours and went to bed. I woke up the next day feeling the same.

I couldn’t believe it. HE WAS DEAD. He was gone, and I would never get another chance to talk to him. I would never get a chance to repair our relationship to at least a functional level. That was it. Game over.

After a few days of raw emotion, I started to replay some of the last few conversations we had. The one thing he kept talking about were all the things he wished he had done in life.

He wished he was there for my me and my brother. He wished he had traveled. He wished he had done this and that. He had so many regrets. He knew he would die with those regrets.

The one thing he said to me was to learn from his life. He said to live a life of no regrets. He would ask about my dreams — he told me to chase every one of them, no matter how impossible they seemed.

Little did he know how his death would impact me. I hated my father most of my life, but in the end, he gave me a great gift. He gave me a wake-up call and reality check to the kind of life I was living.

As we approach the three-year anniversary of his death, I have taken his advice and honored his last wishes. I’ve lost 170 pounds, quit a job I hated to write full-time, and moved our family from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to our dream destination of Maui, Hawaii. We have three beautiful children, and my wife and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage in December.

Live a life of no regret

When you deal with death, the one thing that becomes clear is the preciousness of time. Life is short and before we know it — it’s gone. Time is the one thing we’ll never get back.

Is it possible to live a life completely free of regret? I’m not sure. Probably not. BUT, you can accomplish all of your big goals. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want a better job or the chance to start a business? Do you want to move to your dream destination? Whatever your dreams, they ARE possible.

It’s not going to be easy. It will take time — too much time it feels like, but your dreams are possible. Don’t let your dreams die with you — like they did with my father. They are in your mind and heart for a reason. We only get one life to live. Make it count.

I miss my father. I miss my grandfather. I will continue to honor their memory. I am their legacy. Don’t wait for death before you do something about the kind of life you want to live.

Audio version:

Are you chasing your dreams?

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This week’s articles

6 Steps to Becoming a Lifestyle Entrepreneur 

Entrepreneur Magazine (If online business is your dream, this is for you.)

Moving to Maui: One Year Later

The Huffington Post

This week’s podcast

Mastering the game with Jon Harrison.

This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post.

Photo: Flickr/ Stephan Ridgway

 

Stop Chasing Influencers

There is an audio version below.

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When I started the journey to build my dream, I was told to connect with an influencer. I was told to add value to them somehow to get their attention. Once I did; they would share who I was and what I was doing with their audience. It would be like the “Oprah effect.”

There were several events I was scheduled to go to where influencers would be; I was excited to meet them in person. There were times when I would mention them in articles in hopes of getting their attention.

I would guess you may have been told and done something similar. The results weren’t what I was expecting. While I did get a polite response, it never went past the formalities. I learned pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to form a relationship or experience the Oprah effect.

Now to be fair, I could have approached building the relationship smarter–that I admit. But, to build my dream, I didn’t need the help of an influencer.

In January, Jared Easley, from Starve the Doubts, and I signed a book deal with Sound Wisdom Books. The deal is for a book we co-wrote called, Stop Chasing Influencers: The True Path to Building Your Business and Living the Dream.

We just got the book back from the publisher as we go through the first round of edits. As I’m reading through the book, so much is jumping out at me. The first half of the book is all about overcoming your mindset obstacles and breaking through any barriers in your way. The second half is pure strategy. We get very specific as to how to build freedom in your work and life without the help of an influencer.

The book isn’t a shot at influencers. I have many heroes I look up to and learn from every day–I’m almost a Dan Miller stalker! The book just says stop spending valuable time chasing when you could be building–and here’s how to build. Throughout the book are stories of ordinary people who built their dream on their own. I’m excited to share this book because chasing influencers has crushed too many dreamers.

The problem with chasing is that MANY other people are chasing as well. Can you imagine how many emails Pat Flynn gets every day? And, most of those will be from people who want to connect with him. When he gets an email from you trying the same thing, it won’t be effective.

You Have What it Takes

Four years ago I didn’t know anything about this online world. I started listening to podcasts while I delivered bread, but I was clueless. Today, I’m fully supported by an online business that I love. The freedom and ability to spend my time the way I want is priceless.

If you look at the online space, you have those at the top (influencers). Those at the bottom (people who are frustrated and in limbo) and people in the middle–where most of us are.

To get to the top, or to the next level (a business that supports us), we don’t need an influencer. The thing that upsets me most is when people get taken advantage of during their frustration. There are too many shady courses and coaches that sell hype. They use vague language to sell ideas that don’t work today like, “Build your expert authority.” While it sounds important, regular people could care less.

People buy from someone they know, like, and trust. The advice you get from these “experts” will have you on a pedestal, which will keep people from getting to a place of starting the buying process in their mind.

While I built this business, I spent over $5,000 on Internet marketing courses that were all hype. I was broke and still made no progress. If I was to do it all again—and what I suggest for you—is to keep it simple.

1. I would put together a simple and clean website. It would be three pages (Home, about, and services). I wouldn’t worry about all the fancy bells and whistles because people aren’t impressed. People connect with the person, NOT the widgets.

2. I would focus on creating great content. My blog posts, podcast episodes, and videos would be the best I could put out there. They would be clear and actionable. I would only put out content that I knew would help people—no fluff.

3. I would create significant premiums offerings. I wasted so much time waiting to sell my stuff. I did affiliate marketing, ads, and a bunch of other things that didn’t make real money. I wasted time and money following all the “expert” advice. I would have just focused on my books and my coaching.

4. I would have focused on what scaled. Writing guest posts and articles for large websites is what brought, and does bring traffic. Look at what one article did last week, my Huffington Post article was shared over 200,000 times in six languages. Last week was an $8,000 week between the book sales, new coaching clients, and new consulting work. Make no mistake; coaching, consulting, and speaking are the quickest ways to make scalable income. You only need a few coaching clients to make real money.

I don’t know where you are. I’m guessing you’re either starting or are frustrated with the progress you’re making while building your dream. Focus on what will help you—not the hype from the “experts.”

Get exposure—I’ve shown you how. Make real relationships with those people. Let them know what you have to offer. That’s how you build a business that creates freedom in your life. Keep it simple. Don’t buy into the hype. You don’t need to chase anyone.

Audio version:

Have you ever chased influencers?

Three Types of Dream Chasers

There is an audio version below.

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Chasing dreams is hard work. They take a long time, and there are times along the way when you feel like quitting. To chase a dream, you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone and do what most people think is impossible.

When I started chasing my dreams in 2011, I went through a wide range of emotions. I wanted to change three major areas of my life, and it seemed impossible. When I thought about the magnitude of it, I was paralyzed by fear.

It took a long time to get honest about the different stages of dream chasing I was in and the type of dream chasers I was. When I got honest, the clarity followed. These different stages mirrored what I was feeling inside and what I believed about myself.

If you are going to make your dreams a reality, you have to get clarity and focus. There are three types of dream chasers. Identifying which one you are could be the key to making your dreams a reality.

1. The Skeptic

This dream-chaser sees success from others and is automatically skeptical. They look for what lucky break others had or believe they won the lottery or got an inheritance. It may be the news or bad experiences in their past, but they are blindly by skepticism.

If you are skeptical of success, you can never get to a place in your mind that will allow you to see what’s possible. Mindset is vital in dream chasing and skepticism kills the right mindset.

Every time I write an article on a large website, you can see the skeptical dream-chasers come out. They go in the comments and argue about why none of this is possible for them. Life is hard, and it throws some sucky curveballs, but dreams are possible. It starts with you believing in yourself and your dream.

2. The Confused

This dream-chaser has tried everything in the book and still hasn’t reached their goals. I was this dream-chaser for a long time. I followed all the “experts” and did everything they said to do. I didn’t make progress.

What we see in the online world is those who are successful because they started before 2010 or those who had something that helped them, like a six-figure day job. For most of us, we’re building a dream living paycheck-to-paycheck. We can’t afford to buy our way into success. We stuck in the middle.

Being a “confused” dream-chaser is NOT a bad thing. It means that you believe in the dream, but have to figure out what works for where you are. If this is you, keep it simple and stop learning.

Yes, I know what that sounds like, but we know too much already and it’s hurting our progress. Create great free content, build your audience and offer premium products and services. That’s how you create freedom in your work. Do the same when it comes to other areas of your life.

3. The Determined  

This dream-chaser has moved beyond confused and into a place that allows them to make progress. They have focused and figured out what works for them. They are taking steps everyday towards their dreams.

They see it and believe it. No matter what comes their way they won’t let it stop them. No matter how many times they fall, they will get back up. This can be you if you want it badly enough.

I realize everyone’s path will be different. For some, it seems like the doors flew open, but that’s not the case. There is always a back story of hard work and failure in every successful dream-chasers journey.

If you have been on this journey for a while, I want you to know that your dreams are possible. Don’t give in or give up. Get honest about where you’re at and do something about where you want to be.

Audio version: 

What type of dream-chaser are you?

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Tomorrow is the last day to register for the Self-Publishing Success Academy!

This week’s articles

The Day After My Father’s Funeral

The Huffington Post

Teaching My Boys By My Example, Not My Words

The Good Men Project

The Five Types of Entrepreneurs

Entrepreneur Magazine

This week’s podcasts

David Hancock, the Founder of Morgan James Publishing. David breaks down the book world.

 

Photo: Flickr/ Chris Chabot