Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 33

How to Get Opportunities to Come to You (Part 1)

There is an audio version below.

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I was taught that the first paragraph of an article is the most important—it tells you whether you want to keep reading or click off. I realize the title feels a little “Internet Marketery,” but it’s not going to be. By the way, I made up that word. This series is because of you.

Every day, I get several emails, social media messages, and even phone calls asking about making money from a “Lifestyle business.” You want to know how you can sell books, you want to book paid speaking/consulting, and you want to make enough money to support your family. That’s why I’m writing this series, so stick around.

Last week some cool things happened. I booked two international speaking gigs that paid $5,000 each. I picked up $3,600 in new coaching business, and I sold 176 books. It was a killer week in my business. I don’t tell you this to brag. I believe in transparency and showing you exactly what it takes, and what’s possible. A week like this doesn’t happen every week, but business this year is good.

The cool thing is the event organizer’s found me. The new coaching clients found me. A lot of times you will have to seek out and create opportunities, but there are ways to make them come to you. The way that you can get opportunities to come to you is by getting and scaling exposure. By getting your name and work on the largest podcasts  and websites in the world. You will get noticed and hired.

How Exposure Works  

I remember my first big guest post, it was for one of my heroes, Michael Hyatt. I was so excited that I told everyone. I told all my online friends, and they understood what a huge opportunity it was. I told my mom and brother—who aren’t in the online space—and they had no clue who Michael Hyatt was.

Last year, I had my first article published in the Huffington Post. When I told my mother, she went crazy. She printed the article out; she told all her friends because the Huffington Post is a name almost everyone recognizes. In the online space, we have heroes and places we love and look up to. They don’t, however, translate into the non-online world. They aren’t mainstream and might not be able to help you reach your goals fully. My friends Bernie and Amber say you can get “Internet famous.”

There’s nothing wrong with guest posting for blogs, being a guest on podcasts or using social media to grow your audience. In fact, you should be doing all of those things. However, you should also be going after mainstream exposure. You should be going after traditional media and large name-recognizable publications. The two event organizers found me through an Entrepreneur Magazine article and hired me to speak on what I wrote about. The coaching clients found me through my Fox News article. The book sales came from my Huffington Post article. I think you get what I’m trying to say.

How to Get Exposure

I have talked about this a lot, but I think it’s worth repeating. You first start by looking for the mainstream opportunities that would be right for your dream. Make a list of six places. I want you to mix it up: three large publications and three big podcasts or YouTube shows. For those who will say, “I’m not a writer,” you can be.

Writing is refined thinking, according to Stephen King. If you can form the thought, you can use a speech-to-text program to get the “words” on paper. You can hire an editor on Fiverr or through a Facebook group to make the thought sound compelling. Anyone can write well enough to land these big opportunities. I want to repeat that, anyone can land these chances to get your dream out there in a bigger way, and that leads to more opportunities.

Once you have identified your targets, do the research. What style of content do they like? What tone is it in? What do they talk about and why? A lot of times, these opportunities are missed because we want to pitch what we think works. While you may have created some killer content, it might not work for that place and their audience. You have to research what works–THERE.

After the research, specifically create content for that place. If you look on their website, you should be able to see where your content would fit. If you can’t, chances are you won’t get accepted. Next, make connections if possible. The Internet world functions like the real world sometimes. If you don’t have a relationship, you may not be able to ask.

If it’s editors at a publication, connect with them on social media, or on their articles in that publication. If it’s a podcaster, connect with them on social and through their show notes. If it’s a YouTuber, connect in the comments of their videos. You’re not trying to be best friends; you’re attempting to build name recognition.

By now, you have what you need to pitch. Below are pitch emails I’ve sent out that worked. You can use them or a format you come up with, but keep the email as short as possible.

We’ll dive deeper in part two. I wanted to lay the groundwork and show you exactly how I’m growing my business this year. Realize that this takes time and focused effort. It takes beating self-limiting beliefs because going after bigger opportunities is scary. You got this. See you Friday.

Audio version:

What bigger opportunities would you like to land that you think will help your business?

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P.S. This is the kind of stuff we go in-depth on in the Transition Club. Registration closes for good on Sunday the 23rd.

Photo: Flickr/ David Kracht

 

What’s Worth Your Time?

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I was caught off guard at Podcast Movement when someone asked me who I follow and learn from. I spend so much time teaching my stuff that the question frazzled me. I try to avoid information overload and stick to what will help my next steps. This eliminates following a lot of popular advice.

I do, however, believe in continuing to learn. In fact, I listen to a TON of podcasts each week. I watch videos, and I read a book every other week. The difference between now and back then is I implement what I learn. Implementing is what has gotten me to a place of freedom. Here’s where I learn from.

Blogs

Seth Godin– Come on! Seth’s blog is one of those most of us have been subscribed to for years. I think I’ve been on his list since 2011. His stuff is short, sweet, and relevant.

Skip Prichard– Again, Skip is one whose content I have consumed since I started. His perspective is fresh and always informative. Skip is also a super cool guy.

Steven Pressfield– I’m a writer, so this blog is a must for me. Besides writing advice, Steven is an expert at overcoming self-limiting beliefs.

Zen Habits– Leo’s content is solid. I love how simple and to the point it is.

MindBodyGreen– I write for this site, but I love their content. They cover everything from health to relationships. I can find anything I need on the site.

Entrepreneur Magazine– Again, I write for the site but love the content. I can find everything I need to build my business.

Podcasts

Starve the Doubts– I co-host this show with Jared Easley. Is it humble to mention a podcast I’m on? Not sure, but I recommend you listen because Jared is amazing–I’m just happy to be involved. Jared is one of the co-founders of Podcast Movement–he knows a thing or two about podcasting.

Smart Passive Income– Yes, I’m chasing an influencer I have so much respect for Pat–he’s the real deal. I had the pleasure of meeting him in person last week, and he was just as cool. His episodes are always packed full of value.

Motley Fool Money– This year, Tanya and I started investing some of our money. We have a financial advisor but wanted to know what’s going on. This show has been incredible–they make investing understandable for the average person. They have four different podcasts.

James Altucher– James marches to the beat of his drum and brings unique guests. The episodes are entertaining and fresh.

The Maccast– This one is just for Apple lovers. I love Apple products, and this show is my fix into all things Apple.

Videos

Gary Vaynerchuk– The Ask Gary Vee Show is a must watch! I admit it, I’m hooked. Every day Gary brings some straight up real and relevant videos on a number of topics.

Billy Yang– Billy films runners and the running lifestyle. His videos are amazing and inspiring. They motivate anyone to get and stay healthy.

Get in the Lab– Megan makes the best videos. They’re fun, interesting and always packed full of value.

Books

Just Blow It Up by Dixie Gillaspie. This book should be on your reading list for a variety of reasons. It helps you identify roadblocks and crush them.

Business in Blue Jeans by Susan Baroncini-Moe. This book gives you an excellent blueprint for building your dream on your terms.

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. No matter what your dream is, writing will be a part of that dream. This book is incredible at helping you become a better writer.

Elon Musk by Ashlee Vance. The story of the famous entrepreneur is super inspiring. He went through a lot to become who he is today.

Stop Chasing Influencers by Jared Easley and me I’m recommending it because Jared is a great writer, and the book is packed full of actionable strategy. 190 people are reading it right now and the feedback has been excellent! (Sign up for behind-the-scenes info).

This is MY list. I’m not saying it should be yours or that these are the only places to learn from. You have to come up with a list of places that work for where you’re at in your journey. There are many more places I learn from as well.

Where are a few places you learn from? Feel free to share links in the comments.

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P.S. During this go-around of the Transition Club, there will be a special (FREE) bonus session on optimizing large publications. I will be teaching the A to Z of writing and making money from large publications, and maximizing your efforts.

Photo: Flickr/ Kent Manning

The Number One Reason Your Dream Isn’t Making Money

There is an audio version below. 

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One of the biggest frustrations I see every day from dreamers is the lack of money. I see it through social media posts, I see it in the emails that are sent to me, and I heard about it at Podcast Movement last week. Dreamers who work hard every day–who have been working hard for years–yet the income is sporadic or non-existent.

It’s sucks. It makes you angry. It makes you want to quit. It makes some jaded to the point they criticize those who have had a victory in their business. I was guilty of all of the above at several points in my journey to build this business. I was convinced everyone who was making a full-time living online was lying about it.

The truth is: some people are exaggerating, some are outright lying. But, there are many who make a living from their dream. There are people who experience freedom in their work and have online businesses that pay the bills. I am now one of those people. To be fair, I make a full-time income from coaching, consulting with companies, speaking, book sales, classes, and product sales.

If you are one of those people who has been frustrated to the point of disbelief, I want you to know I get it. However, know that with the right focus, you can make your dream a reality. If you are still on the journey, but wondering why you’re not making money, I want to point out what could be the problem.

The number one reason many people aren’t making money from their dream–especially a dream of building an online business–is because they have no audience. 

There is a ton of advice about building an online business. You’re told to connect with influencers, you’re told to figure out SEO, and you’re told to master social media. You’re told a thousand other things to do–it’s like the experts are telling you to throw a dart at the dartboard and hope something sticks.

I bet you could look around the places you hang out online and see someone who’s writing a new book, or creating a new course, or making something new. I bet if you looked closely, you would see some who haven’t sold many of the last thing they created.

Creating the “thing” is the easy part. Marketing the thing and getting people to buy it is where most dreamers lose hope. Authors know this well–look at the stats as to how many books an author will sell. The busy work keeps us from thinking about what’s happening. We think if we have enough busy work, the money will somehow follow. It doesn’t.

At the end of the day, you make money when you have an audience to sell your “thing” to. Your audience is not friends or followers on social media. The reach of social media these days is close to zero. Besides that, Chris Brogan has frequently pointed out that social media is a “rented” space. Social media should be a lead generator, which sends people to your website and email list–that’s where the sales will happen.

If your dream is going to become a reality, you have to stop the busy work and focus on building an engaged audience. You don’t need any more education–you already know what you need to succeed. Build an audience, and then sell to a few in that audience. That’s how you make your dream a reality.

How to Build an Audience

I have talked a lot about this topic, but I’m sure there are some new friends here. Here are a few ways to build an engaged audience.

Guest post on other blogs- You write an original article for someone else’s blog. They give you three links back to your website. This is a great way to get exposed to a fresh audience.

Get interviewed on a podcast- Today, podcasts get more listens than traditional radio shows. You go on a show and share your story and what you’ve learned from what you went through. Want to get on a few shows? Check out Radio Guest List, Blog Talk Radio, or the H.A.R. O. Reporter to get some leads.

Write for large authority websites- This one I’ve talked a lot about this year. First, if you haven’t already, listen to my interview with Pat Flynn. You can write for the largest websites in the world–look at my sidebar to see a few places that I write for. Basically, you read the site and get a good feel for the content. You write something for THAT site and in THEIR style–don’t send them a general post. You submit the article to an editor in the section you feel the article would fit.

Is it that easy? It can be if you do your homework. Since my interview with Pat, we have counted at least 150 people who have gotten into large websites. These large sites have millions of visitors. They will bring you website traffic, email subscribers, new social media connections, SEO, and lead to income. It’s a great 20% strategy.

Focus and Patience

If you focus on building your audience to 500 true fans, you can make a decent income. Use some of these strategies I’ve given because they work. I have coaching clients and even random people I’m connected to who have gotten results. You can do this.

Realize it takes time to build this–there are no overnight successes. The reason it takes longer is because too many are focused on the thing instead of someone to sell that thing too. Do the opposite and the income will follow.

Audio version:

Have you been frustrated trying to build a dream?

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Photo: Flickr/ Barn Images

 

 

Building a Lifestyle Business

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I’ve got something a little different for you today. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been experimenting with video. I’m an introvert, so recording video is harder for me. I’ve done it and wanted to share a few with you. These videos were shot all over the place!

1. The myth of how success is achieved. 

2. Dreaming and what it takes to move past the dream.

3. A blueprint for creating a lifestyle business.

Recording video is not my thing, but they are fun from time-to-time. My goal and hope is that you chase your dreams and never give up. You got this!

What dream are you building? 

Photo: Flickr/ Gonzalo Saenz

Why You Should Live Beyond Your Borders

 This is a guest post by Kallen Diggs. He is a career strategist and author of the international bestseller, Reaching The Finish Line. Since the Great Recession, he has helped over 2,000 people reach the finish line in their careers. You can join Kallen’s insider list to get exclusive content along with a free business guide upon joining at www.reachingthefinishline.com.

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Imagine living in a society where political correctness rules behavior. Imagine living in a society where there are only two choices, and all other choices are ignored or ridiculed. Imagine living among a significant majority who are detached from the nature of their humaneness. 

That society is the United States of America. Many people are curious about why some Americans expatriate to other countries. One common reason is that the quality of life is higher at a much lower price. However, that is only one of the many reasons.

I left the U.S. for another reason, a reason that is commonly overlooked by many people. I did not leave the United States because I hated it. After all, it is hard for one to hate a country that is thriving in innovation and entrepreneurship. I left because I am simply tired of it.

There is no such thing as the best country in the world. Some people like to believe that and will even validate reasons why their country is the utopia. The truth is that every country has its challenges. Our definition of the best is what comes closest to our ideal picture of Utopia.

I cannot deny that I enjoy living a higher quality of life for a much lower price. In Mexico, I rent a three-bedroom house for $385 a month (all utilities included). I have recorded a video of it:

Please let me state that Mexico is not perfect. It has its fair share of challenges. Many people (especially Americans) tend to hear the exaggerated versions from mainstream media. The same can be said of Colombia and other countries.

Are governments like the United States intimidated by the enormous growth of these emerging countries? Are they intimidated that Americans are being treated better elsewhere? It is puzzling to see the paradox of the danger that the mainstream media touts versus the firsthand accounts of Americans having an entirely different experience.

For myself, I enjoy the opportunity to expand my awareness by being an expat. I am not interested in Democrats or Republicans nor am I interested in religious propaganda.  

Nevertheless, I am interested in learning more about this journey that we call life. My humble attempt is to be a master in many of its aspects. I do not expect to master life because I believe that we are all lifetime students of it. However, it is hard for anyone to be a master of many things when your awareness is limited. I strongly believe that the best way to expand your awareness is by immersing yourself in different environments.

There are many opportunities that are available beyond our borders. With a location independent business, I am given the freedom to travel and live anywhere in the world. I have not achieved such a lifestyle without hard work. I do not believe in luck. I believe in myself. It is through your consistent level of confidence and effort that will enable you to reach the finish line. 

Have you ever dreamed of living in another country?

5 Bits of Online Business Advice That Sound Good But Aren’t

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In 2011, after 12 years of work that I hated, I decided to self-publish a book I had been thinking about for a long time. Up to that point, I hadn’t touched computers and knew nothing about Internet marketing. I heard social media was the definitive way to sell books, so I signed up for every social site at the time.

It didn’t play out well. I “promoted” my book multiple times every day on social media, sold five copies in six months and lost more friends than I had sales. Then I turned to Google to figure out how author’s sold books.

My research led me to some popular, but wrong advice. What’s scary is that the advice was passed around as fact. Since I stopped listening to that advice I’ve sold more than 100,000 copies of my two self-published books and built a six-figure a year online business.

1. “Connect with an influencer.”

One of the oldest and most common pieces of advice is to connect with someone at the top of your industry. We’re told to be persistent and find a way to add value to them somehow, which means be willing to give away your value for free to impress them. This advice may have worked at some point but it’s terrible advice today.

Influencers get hundreds of emails and more social media notifications than they can keep up with. When you are persistent, you came off like a spammer or stalker. More than that, we live in a time when we can build our business without the help of an influencer. Stop chasing and spend your time building.

2. “Get website traffic through SEO.”

I listened to a podcast recently from someone I greatly respect. He was asked how to build traffic to a website. His response, “Write long form articles loaded with keywords.” Basically, SEO will bring you traffic. While SEO can bring you traffic over time, it’s not the best way, and it’s not a quick way to build traffic.

The simplest and quickest way to get website traffic is by getting exposure. You can become a guest on a podcast; write guest posts and articles on large websites. Large publications share content, which means your business gets featured in mainstream media. My lastEntrepreneur article was picked up by Yahoo and Fox News and brought thousands of visitors to my website the first day. The traffic continues to come. And, because of the links, I get the SEO juice. It’s a great 20 percent strategy.

3. “Build a large social media following.”

Social media was great in 2011. Today, all the major social media companies are publicly traded, which means they have to generate profits for their shareholders. To do that, they make you pay to reach your audience. The organic reach of social media is close to zero. For those without a huge budget, building a large social media following won’t do much for your business. The sad reality is that some marketers end up buying their following to look popular.

4. “Pay for a course from a well-known Internet marketer.”

Spending money on your business can leapfrog your progress, if it makes sense. Internet marketers are great at making courses look appealing. You have probably opted into a “free” three-video series at some point and gotten sold on a course. The biggest downside of courses is that they don’t come with Q&A access. As you implement, you will have specific questions that need to be answered. Think about what you’ll need before you spend money on a course.

5. “Become an expert.”

With everyone claiming to be some kind of expert these days, “expert” status has lost its relevance. People don’t connect with experts. They connect with, buy from someone, people they know, like and trust. They’ll never get to that place in their mind if you’re on a pedestal as an “expert.”

Today, we have unparalleled access to information. If you own a smartphone, you have the data wealth of the world in your pocket. When you want to figure out how to build an online business, you can spend weeks and even months going through the results. It’s too much information and many entrepreneurs are paralyzed with information overload.

Don’t follow popular advice unless it makes sense to your business and goals. What worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you. Test what’s best for your business and research your next steps. Don’t believe the hype.

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Photo: Flickr/ KayVee.INC

This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur.com.

5 Ways to Help Your Kids Imagine Themselves as Entrepreneurs

I look forward to meeting many of you at Podcast Movement this weekend!

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On the Rich Dad Radio show, legendary entrepreneur Robert Kiyosaki said, “The worst thing you can teach your kids is to go to school and get a job.”

I wouldn’t go that far — if one of my kids wants to be a doctor they’ll need college — but as an entrepreneur, I want to teach my kids how a life of freedom leads to happiness. Entrepreneurship is one option to experience that freedom.

Today, the average college graduate will leave school with $33,000 in student loan debt. Of those graduates, only 27 percent will get a job in their major. The days of going to school and getting a great job after you graduate are over.

Student loan debt stays with many of our children for the rest of their life. Entrepreneurship can be one way to avoid that struggle. We can teach our kids how to build a business that either supports them, or generates enough income to pay for their college outright. Here are five ways to teach your children about entrepreneurship.

1. Don’t make allowance contingent on chores.

If you give your children an allowance, do it to teach them how to handle money. Giving it to them for the chores they do teaches them to trade time for dollars. Subconsciously, they’re learning that how much money they earn depends on how many hours they spend at the job. Entrepreneurs don’t buy into that argument, so why teach it to your kids when they’re young and impressionable. Teach them that income results from creating value.

2. Get them involved in your business with little tasks.

There are little tasks you can delegate to your children, pretty much whatever their age. You can have them help you with your equipment or let them write a few lines in an email you’re sending out. When they’re older, you can have them answer email. There are tasks that won’t harm or help your business that your kids can manage. They feel special, even with handling the little tasks.

3. Discuss openly why entrepreneurship is important.

Your message will fall on deaf ears until your kids understand the “why” behind what you do. Teach them that life is short and time is our most precious resource. Teach them it affects every area of their life when they spend 40-plus hours at a job, especially one that doesn’t fulfill them.

Teach them that entrepreneurship can let them live life on their terms while earning money. Teach them that it takes time to grow, but it’s well worth the effort to build something that’s yours.

4. Help them start a small business around their passion.

My son loves video games and he’s good at them. When I asked him about what business he wanted to start, he said he wanted to sell digital guides for his favorite games. We have been working on his website and putting the guides together. He has already presold four of them to his friends. Will this be a six-figure business someday like his dad’s? Who knows, but the experience is invaluable.

Help your kids start a small business around something they love. You will train them to do what they love for “work” and they can make some money. They can grow that business to someday be something significant or at least send them through college without debt. Michael Dell comes to mind with this model.

5. Teach by example.

You can talk to your kids until you’re blue in the face but they study what you do and tune out what you say. Your results teach them what’s possible in their life, your actions teach them what’s required. Show your children what entrepreneurship is and how it works by taking action and inviting them to witness the journey.

For a large portion of my children’s life, I worked a job 60 to 80 hours a week and hated life. My kids took note of what I went through and how it affected me. They often asked, “Dad, why don’t you quit?” It took three years of hard work, but I was able to quit that terrible job. I now write, speak all over the world and coach clients who want to create freedom in their work, health and relationships.

My kids have noticed the difference and it’s helped them understand what it means to live free. Your children will learn more from what you do than what you say. They will notice things that you try to keep to yourself. If you love entrepreneurship, teach your children the why and how. Teach them by the actions you take in your life that their dreams are possible.

What are you teaching your kids about work? 

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Photo: Flickr/ Lemonhead

This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur.com.

Why I Quit My Job With No Plans for What’s Next

This is a guest post by Derek. Derek and his wife Carrie encourage couples to have better conversations about money. Derek and Carrie challenge everything money related on their blog, in their books, and on their podcast. Download the free e-book Four and a Half Conversation Starters from Derek’s website and start having better conversations about money today! If you would like to guest post, hit me up  

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If the next five years of your life are the same as the last five years, will you be okay with that?

That question grabbed my attention so tightly I nearly choked on my breath. At the time, I had been at my job for exactly five years.

Those five years of my life had been awful, and the thought of doing it over again was too much to even think about. 

The answer to the question was… No! I would not be okay with that! Maybe this was a sign?

I was in the wrong place

I started my first real-world job one week after graduating from college. It was okay at first. I made the rounds and earned my paycheck. I did my best to not screw up and pretended I knew what I was doing long enough to actually learn what I was doing.

After about a year, the newness had worn off, and the reality of the situation was clear… I was in the wrong place.

There wasn’t anything wrong with the job, the company, or the people I worked with. It just wasn’t for me. I wasn’t supposed to be there. 

Responsible, hardworking, honest people don’t quit their jobs.

When I told those around me that my job was draining me, and I wanted to do something else, I was told to do the responsible thing: stop complaining and suck it up.

I had dreams of starting my own business helping couples with their finances. 

At the time, I didn’t know any other entrepreneurs and I didn’t have a support system to encourage me to explore other options. I felt trapped. I felt like I had no options and no way out. So I stayed.

I thought I was doing the right thing by being loyal. I didn’t want to be seen as an irresponsible quitter. I was worried about what people would think about me if I quit my job to start a business. But the stress kept building, and it started to show.

I gained some weight. I wasn’t heading in the right direction health-wise and I was unhappy. Then it got worse.

Stress can kill you.

When stress isn’t dealt with properly, it can manifest and release in physical ways. My entire right leg started hurting all the time. I had a knot in my left shoulder all the time. Let me say that again…   

I had a knot in my shoulder all day, every day that didn’t go away for years!

It got worse when the stress from my job increased. It felt like a muscle in my shoulder was on fire.

I even threw out my back on the job. That was a fun week! Maybe the scariest thing that happened was when I developed a case of shingles. Guess what? One of the causes of shingles is STRESS.

(Shingles is a re-emergence of the virus that causes chickenpox. Anyone who had chickenpox as a child carries this virus in their nervous system forever, and a certain number of adults develop shingles. Shingles usually shows up in people who are over fifty.)

I was in my late 20s, and my body was starting to fall apart. It’s scary to think what would have happened had I kept walking down that path.

I wasn’t going to waste the one life that God had given to me. 

I knew things had to change. 

Things were going to change; that’s a fact. Things were either going to get worse, or I was going to take control of my life and make the changes myself.

The thought of another five, ten, or twenty years in that situation terrified me. The reality was, no one was going to do it for me. I had to pull the trigger myself. 

A leap of faith

I was desperate, and I was tired of feeling miserable all the time.

My wife supported my decision and after several months of talking it over we decided enough was enough.

So one day, I put in my two-weeks notice, and that was it. 

I’ll never forget the day my wife picked me up from the office, and we left the company car in the parking lot. Looking at the company car in the rear view mirror was a meaningful moment. 

Don’t quit your day job

Most people will tell you not to quit your job without a backup plan. That’s good advice that even I believe to be worth listening to.

But at the time it didn’t matter to me what was next. I had to get out of the situation I was in. I was wasting my life; I was miserable, and I was falling apart. 

I quit my job with nothing lined up because I couldn’t stand it one more day. 

All of my stress related health issues cleared up within a month.

I never saw a doctor. Never got treatment. All of my health issues just disappeared.

It scares me to think how close I was to staying at that job for who knows how many more years. Where would I be today had I not quit? (Probably in the hospital.)

The next five years

If the next five years of your life are the same as the last five, would you be okay with that?

If you’re overdue for making big changes in your life, don’t wait another day. (Or year!) Life is too short to hang on to a job that makes you miserable for all the wrong reasons.

My wife and I are now living out our dream of helping married couples have better conversations on money.

I followed my dream of helping others through starting my own business. Now, my wife and I help others have those–sometimes difficult–conversations about money. 

Are you at a job that makes you miserable? 

 

When to Give Free Advice and When to Charge For It

There is an audio version below. 

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I’ve had a roller-coaster ride when it comes to free and paid advice. I’ve coached 127 hours for free, I have answered thousands of emails, I have written hundred’s of articles, and I have been a guest on over 100 podcasts. I have also charged for advice and now operate a $15,000-a-month business.

Figuring out when to charge and whether or not giving free advice will lead to business, is a delicate balance. There is a lot of information online about what to do and how it might lead to business. There’s some good stuff, but a lot of it is confusing and will have you working for free without the possibility of business later.

My business was growing pretty steadily from 2012 until January of this year (2015). At the end of January, I was a guest on Pat Flynn’s Smart Passive Income podcast. The growth went from steady to crazy out of control. February was my highest income month, my email list grew by 2,000 people, and I started getting 60 more emails a day. It was a blessing, but also overwhelming.

I’d like to say I was ready or that I handled everything properly, but I didn’t, and I may have been a little bit of a jerk. The last five months I’ve learned first hand when you should give free advice and when you should charge. During the last five months, I have done both, and I can say I feel good about my decisions.

How to Know

I can’t take credit for what I’m about to tell you. My mentor, Dixie Gillaspie, taught me this principle. The idea is you give free advice when you choose to—it’s a gift you give. This means that you don’t give away advice in hopes that it leads to business or as a part of some other strategy.

You give free advice through your blog, podcast, videos, and on social media to grow your dream. When you add value to people and help them through your free content, some people will decide to spend money with you. When that email comes into your inbox asking for help, it’s up to you to look at it and decide whether you can or will help. You don’t look at the email as an opportunity to make money.

Practicing Gratitude

I want to make it clear that I’m grateful for the blessings that have happened this year. Yes, it was overwhelming for a while, but I’ll take it. This is what I worked hard for, so I don’t want you to think that I’m complaining. This has been a good problem, which I smile at, as I work through it.

In the end, what led to my income and what grows my business has nothing to do with all the bad advice I got. Once I learned this idea that I have a gift, and I should decide when to give it, everything changed. I have clarity now and try to give my gift to as many people I can.

I do say NO. It’s important to say no when appropriate. You can’t say YES to everything or you’ll never have time for the things you want to do—especially if you’re building your dream on the side. You should not feel ashamed or let anyone make you feel guilty if you say no. You have to do what’s right for your life and dream. It’s your choice to give your gift or say no. It’s not a strategy.

Audio version: 

How do you decide whether or not to give free advice? Has someone given you free advice?

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Photo: Flickr/ Daniel Foster

 

My Weight Ruined My Sex Life

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I love food. The way it looks, tastes, and makes me feel when I’m eating it. It’s not the “good” food that got me in trouble—it was the junk. I delivered bread at midnight for 12 years. When I woke up, my body told me it was my “morning”, and I should eat breakfast.

The problem was that at one a.m. the only place I could get breakfast was at fast food restaurants. I would rotate between McDonalds, Taco Bell, Checkers, and various gas stations. I would eat everything that wasn’t healthy for my body, and I ate it in substantial quantities. It didn’t take long for the pounds to start piling on.

As I gained weight, I felt less confident. I suddenly wanted to turn the lights off during sex because I didn’t want my love to see the rolls. Over the years, I got up to 370 pounds. My energy and confidence disappeared. What once was a healthy sex life turned into a leap year event.

When sex became infrequent because of how I felt, I turned to porn. I figured it was easier to masturbate than expose my body to my wife and “risk” her leaving me when she realized what I had become. Porn was my escape and felt good for a little while. I settled into a fantasy world that felt so much better than my life.

Porn ruined me in ways I still am trying to heal from. Every time I would watch it and masturbate, I would emerge an angry man. Looking back at it now, it was probably because I was upset the fantasy was gone. The few times I did have sex with my wife, I would think about the porn stars and lose my erection. My wife was patient when me, but the porn was too much. As a result of the weight, our financial problems, the porn, and the jerk I had become, we separated.

It took losing her for me wake up. I called her every day begging her to come back, but she said NO. She wanted to see proof I was changing, not my empty words. I realized if something was going to change, it had to be me, and it started with taking action. I had talked enough. I went to work on myself (my mind, body, and my soul) and haven’t looked back.

My wife was gracious and tried to help me, but I was battling myself and couldn’t break free from the prison I had created. It took two years, but I was able to lose 170 pounds. As I worked on myself, I realized my crappy job had to go—I quit at the end of 2012. I paid off all our debt and reconciled with my love.

I know there are guys reading this that can relate. Your weight is an issue and maybe one that has gotten out of control. First, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not going to be easy, but you can lose weight and gain confidence in every other area of your life.

Second, if you’re going to overcome where you currently are, you have to take action. For me, I knew I wasn’t the kind of person who could stick to a diet. Instead, I ate portion-controlled meals and cut out the junk food. No more eating at the places that were simply to get me through a crappy job.

I also started to run. Running is hard on the body and not something everyone should attempt. But, you have to find some form of exercise that works for you and you have to do it consistently. The equation is: eat less, move more. As you do this over time, the weight will come off.

Today, our sex life is better than when we were in the honeymoon stage of our marriage. We have sex daily, and the quality is fabulous. I don’t look at porn anymore—that’s not a judgment on anyone who does, just a personal decision for ME. I’m not angry, and I’m completely consumed with my love.

With the weight gone, I have more confidence, energy, and courage to face the hardest challenges life throws at me. My wife and I are closer and choose love every day. It took years, but it was worth the struggle to have freedom in my work, health, and relationships. This can be your story, too. If you’re not living the kind of life you want to live, let today be the day you do something about it.

Has your weight affected your sex life?

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This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Photo: Flickr/