Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 37

I’m Terrible With Money: How I Got Financial Freedom

There is an audio version below.

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I remember my first exposure to “real” money. I was 16 years old and working at Burger King. I got a paycheck for $264.32. I couldn’t believe it and thought about all the ways I was going to spend the money.

My grandfather told me to save the money since I had no bills; I laughed. I went out and bought new shoes, new clothes, and treated my friends to dinner—I felt like a big shot. I wish I learned about money early on, but I didn’t.

When I was 18, I started working for Pepsi Cola. That year I made $55,000. My jobs and income would rise, but my spending rose higher. I started a service business in the bread industry at 19 that made $60,000 the first year. A few years in, I was bringing home over $100,000.

I was barely out of my teenage years and living like a millionaire. I owned two houses (no joke), two VERY expensive cars—the payments were $1,800 a month between both cars—and more tech toys than any one person needed. The money would come in and go right back out.

You may know my story. In 2011, we were $180,000 in debt. We couldn’t open a bank account in our names because the I.R.S. would take the money before we could even think about it. We owed money to everyone and life sucked.

In 2012, I learned a little bit online business, and self-published two books. Both of those books went on to sell over 86,000 copies in three years at a profit of $3.68 a book. You can do the math.

We were able to pay off our debt and put a little bit of money in an emergency fund. We learned our lesson and vowed never to be in that position again. The business started to grow, and so did our “moving-to-Hawaii” fund. We made the move to Hawaii with a large emergency fund. And the rest is history. Right?

Thinking About the Future

This year was the first time in our 16 years of marriage that we got intentional with our money. We have our savings, we’re debt-free, and we started thinking about making our money work for us.

I’m NOT a financial expert so I can’t give you specific investing advice. I can’t even tell you how we invest our money because there are some haters who read this blog and follow every word I say. One even told me they hired a P.I. to follow me here in Maui—no, I’m not joking.

What I will say is that there are many books, blogs, and websites that can walk you through the basics. The biggest thing to understand is that time along with the compound interest can be your best friend. We have been investing some money the last four months and the results have turned me from a skeptic to a believer. Investing is a long-term game, and there is a lot of fluctuation, but there are some investments that are safe and can withstand drops in the markets. I’ll leave it at that.

What if I can’t afford to invest?

Ok, I hate cheesy lines but I have to say this: You can’t afford NOT to invest. I’m not saying that you have to put 90% of your income in savings or investments, but even if you can do $25 a paycheck, you can start building a financial future.

If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck—like my wife and I did for years—there are a few things you can do:

Get a side hustle. I washed cars, cut grass, and cleaned houses. It wasn’t glamorous, but it did bring in $60 in cash every weekend. That money was a life send. A side hustle doesn’t have to be manual labor. We live in the Internet age.

There are so many opportunities to generate income online it’s not funny. It can be as simple as creating a three-page website: Content page, about, and services. Start charging for your premium offerings. Build traffic and get a few customers. You won’t get rich, but you can generate a side income. 

Reduce your expenses. You can take a long hard look at where you’re spending your money. Is there any fat to cut? You can usually find a few dollars between eating out, phones or cable TV. I’m not saying you have to live like you are Amish, just make a short-term sacrifice for a better future.

Peel off a little bit. Maybe you cut a few expenses, and you now have an extra $25 to $100 you can use each month to save or invest. I want to encourage you strongly to have an emergency fund in place before you invest. Don’t think investments will get you savings faster. Warren Buffet says to “protect your downside” and always have cash.

That’s how investors have done well. When the markets drop, they have the cash to buy stocks, bonds, and such at a killer price. We got a great deal on Apple, Facebook and Costco when they were down—it has paid off big time.

The point of this post is to get you to think about your money and start planning. If you start today, you can make progress. I don’t want anyone to go through we went through. I want everyone who reads this to build a financial legacy that gives them real freedom.

Audio version:

How are you doing with your money?

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Photo: Flickr/ 401(K) 2012

Finding Time For Work and Sex

There is an audio version below

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Life is busy. Most of the time, it feels like we could use an extra two hours each day to get everything done. During the chaos of life, different areas of our life suffer. One of the major ones ends up being our sex life.

I know this all too well. For 12 years, I worked a horrible job 60 hours a week. Every day on this job it felt like I was dying inside. The job was also very physical. At the end of the day, I wasn’t thinking about sex. I would have gladly traded that pleasure for a hot stone massage.

My wife and I had a ton of sex when we married. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and always found a creative place to display our love. There wasn’t a day that went by without us making love at least twice a day.

The hours—and years—on this job wore on me. What once was a thriving sex life, turned into sporadic and painful memories of what we used to experience. My life was out of balance and my relationship suffered.

Finding time

Each of us has 168 hours each week. Studies tell us that the average workweek is now 47 hours. When you spend that much of your week doing anything, it will have an effect on the other areas of your life. The problem becomes compounded when you’re doing work you dislike.

The stats tell us that 13 percent of us like our work. When you spend day in and day out surviving work, you get depressed and suffer from a lack of motivation. These emotions end up trickling into your relationship and sex life.

There are a lot of things you can do to make time for sex. You could schedule everything out hour-by-hour or plan a time for sex each week. It sounds different, but some of us are wired this way. You also could just make a conscious effort to tell each other a few days ahead of time. And, of course, your animal urges will take over from time-to-time.

The bottom line is we make time for the things that are important to us. Life will always be chaotic, and there will always be a good reason to put off sex, but sex is important to the survival of your relationship.

There will be times when you just have to do it. You may lack energy, but take a cold shower and muster up that last bit of energy you have inside you. Sometimes those end up being incredibly sexy experiences.

Get honest about your work

Life is short. There is no guarantee of a tomorrow. All we have is right now. I realize we have bills to pay, but at what cost? Crappy work affects your life and drains the little bit of time we have on this earth.

The economy and job market are bleak. We’ve seen enough horror stories that scare too many of us into complacency. While we should be grateful for the work that pays the bills, we should never settle.

Our work can affect our sex life and every other area of our life. It’s too hard to leave what happens at work there. We can rationalize it, we try to pretend we’re happy, but the truth has a funny way of rearing its head at the worst moments.

Your work should do more than just give you a check. It should fulfill and challenge you. It should compliment the kind of life you want to live. Your work should fit into your life, not your life into your work. The life part has to come first.

Finding or creating work you love is not easy, but it is possible. It will take time and determination, but it will be worth the struggle. It starts within our mind; so get honest about your work. Figure out what you want from your work, and start formulating a plan to make your dream a reality.

Audio version:

Has your work affected your sex life?

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This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

This week’s articles

5 Business Lessons I Learned From Starting a Company

Entrepreneur Magazine

This week’s podcast episodes

How to Vacation for Less in Hawaii with Josh Elledge

Flickr/Ed Yourdon

5 Things No One Tells You About Being a Parent

There is an audio version below.

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I can clearly remember how excited I was when I found out I was going to be a daddy. I was 18 years old and a newly wed to the love of my life. I was on cloud nine and we both thought we would have this parenting thing in check.

I was 19 when our son (our first child) was born. It took all of 30 minutes after getting home from the hospital for us to realize we had no freaking clue what we were doing. We hit the panic button on our phones and were crying to our parents.

We did get our bearings and figured out a few things about parenting as we had two more children. Our oldest is now 15 and in high school.

Parenting can be incredibly rewarding or a pain in the you-know-what. There are some things that life experience will teach you. Here are five things no one tells you about being a parent.

1. There will be times when you can’t stand your kids.

We all know those parents who say parenting is always wonderful, but I think we’ll agree they’re a little off. Parenting is a joy, but sometimes our kids make us want to scream. They hide things, they lie and they fight. They do one or the other everyday. There is no off switch and you have to be on guard.

There will be more times than you can count when you’ll need a vacation from your kids. There will be times when they do things that will have you scratching your head. The only thing you can do is try to remember how we were when we were kids, and try to guide them to the right decision. Our responsibility as a parent is to teach and guide our children to embrace what makes them special.

2. It’s a lifelong, 24/7 commitment.

When we have children, we know that we’ll be parents for life, but what we don’t realize is that you’re on call 24/7 and that never ends. When they have problems, you have to be there. When they eventually go off on their own and have problems, guess who they’re calling?

Be prepared to put your kids’ needs before your own. You don’t have to have all the answers, but you do have to be prepared to be that shoulder for them to cry on. Take some time for you, of course, but commit to doing something that’s bigger than yourself.

3. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to deal with problems.

Wouldn’t life be great if you could just use one method to deal with your kids every time? All of our children are different and have to be handled in the best way to fit their unique personalities. Trying to do the same thing for each child will only lead to extra stress for yourself.

We shouldn’t try to get them to conform; we should teach them that they are special just the way they are. There are enough parents who will teach their kids to always color within the lines, but just outside of those lines is where the magic happens.

4. All the parenting books in the world won’t help.

Don’t get me wrong; there are some books that can help you with a few things. However, parenting is a unique experience and there are no books for some of the crazy situations you’ll deal with.

A lot of things you’ll figure out on your own, or in all reality, you’ll learn from your mistakes. Read some trusted parenting books to get a clue, but prepare to be quick on your feet and ready to handle the unexpected. Learn how to write your own manual and go back to it when you need it.

5. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do.

Parenting is a hard job that doesn’t hand out raises for a job well done. There will be times when you question why you even had kids. Despite the craziness and chaos, children are amazing. They’re the best of us and have the opportunity to do all the things we’ve always wanted for our life.

Children are a joy and privilege that we get to experience. They are our legacy and will carry our heritage to the next generation. There are many who would love to be parents, but don’t have that opportunity. Being able to parent children is something we should always be grateful for, even in the hard times.

It would be nice if everything always went as planned with parenting, but this isn’t a movie and that’s not reality. During the times when you feel like you want to pull your hair out, take a step back and breath.

Take a nap, turn on some music, but remember that no matter what, you’ll be OK. You will live to parent another day and your kids will be just fine. Embrace the chaos and do the best job you can. Your reward will be those beautiful reflections of you.

Audio version: 

What are some things you figured out along your parenting  journey?

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This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post.

What’s Your Escape?

There is an audio version below.

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In the years leading up to 2011, I was a TV addict! I had a DVR that was loaded with every variety of show imaginable, and I watched every episode. TV was my escape to a different life—a life much better than the one I was living. I worked 60 hours at a job I hated, and TV was a way to forget about the life I was living.

In 2011, I realized what was going on. I realized that if I was going to work on my dream, something had to give. I had a lot to accomplish. I had HUGE dreams, but the same amount of time to get it all done. When something had to go, TV became the obvious choice.

Giving up my favorite shows was hard. I had fallen in love with the story lines and characters. It didn’t go easy, but over time, I cut my TV viewing down to a few hours a month, that year.

I used that time to write, and build my business. I used that time to lose 170 pounds, eventually quit a job I hated, and move our family to Maui, Hawaii.

When I thought about giving up TV, I realized something: TV was my escape. It’s where I could go to forget about the sucky life I was living. It was what I used to continue to live a complacent and “good enough” life. I became consumed with it because it distracted me from the reality of my situation.

What are you using as a distraction?

Distractions come in many forms. For some, it can be sports. It might be a team you’re on, a team you coach, or a professional sports team you follow. There’s nothing wrong with liking sports, but there’s a line that’s crossed when it’s your way to distract you from what’s going on in your life.

If I ask you about your favorite team, and you can tell me all the stats and so on, great. But if I ask you about the changes you want to make in your life—and you make excuses—then sports has become your distraction and escape.

For others, it can be social media, events, other people, jobs, and so on. There are so many things in life that can give us temporary relief, or a great excuse not to do something about what we want for our lives. They become an escape and a place for complacency to roam free.

There’s more to life

This isn’t meant to be a shot at you if you love TV, sports, or whatever. This is meant to be a barometer. I want you to get honest with yourself about what you want from life, and what you’re doing about it. At the end of the day, this is your life. If you want to live it distracted—that’s your prerogative. If you don’t see it as a distraction, I’ll shut up.

However, you can’t deceive what’s inside you. At some point, reality will set in and you could end up regretting the wasted time. Life is short—a death in your life has probably reminded you of this.

The pro’s will go on to make their millions and live the kind of life they want to live—even after they retire. You, however, will have wasted years chasing something that seem fulfilled, but wasn’t real. This can apply to any distraction.

Today is the day to figure out what you want from life and how to make that dream your reality. Today is the day to get honest about what’s distracted you, and convinced you that a “good enough” life is your only option.

Chasing dreams is hard—it’s actually easier not to chase them. They will take time and test your patience, but they’re worth the trouble. Stop letting distractions keep you from your dream life.

Chasing dreams will be harder for some than others. There are some who will have to overcome incredible odds just to think about what they want from life–I get that. No matter what though, dreams are possible–even if they take longer to get there.

Ignore the doubt, fear, and the negative voices of the haters. Claim the life you truly deserve!

Audio version:

Have you let anything distract you from your dream?

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This week’s articles

3 Key Ways Your Health Matters in Business

Entrepreneur Magazine

Finding Time for Work and Sex

The Good Men Project

I Didn’t Have Money or a Job, But I Moved to Hawaii Anyway

Mind Body Green

The Best Thing You Can Do When Moving to Hawaii

The Huffington Post

Photo: Flickr/bark

 

 

The Day After My Wife and I Separated

This article has been shared over 70 thousand times in two languages.

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It was love at first sight–well, almost. The first time I saw my wife, I felt something I couldn’t describe. I was 17 years old and working at Burger King. She was a 19-year-old manager.

She tried to show the employees who the boss was, so many of our co-workers couldn’t stand her; I saw past her bark. We started off as co-workers, but quickly became friends; that friendship turned into something more. We were married six months after we met.

The success rate of marriages today isn’t very high, and the numbers are more depressing when you get married young. We got married the day after I turned 18 not realizing how hard life would be for us.

Family and friends told us getting married that young was a bad idea, but we didn’t care. We were head-over-heels in love and ready to take on the world together.

The first few years were OK. We fought every now and then, but nothing major. I started a service business at 19 that quickly grew into six-figure career in a year.

I didn’t know anything about business, however. So I completely mismanaged it. In April of 2011, we were $180,000 in debt and fighting constantly over money problems.

After fighting for most of the beginning part of that year, we decided it was time to split up, and possibly end our marriage. I replay that conversation often, and it still brings tears to my eyes.

The day after we separated was one of the worst days of my life. Waking up at a friend’s house, and not seeing my love sleeping next to me was unbearable.

I cried. I yelled. I thought about committing suicide. I thought my life was over and that our children would end up seeing me as I saw my father after my parents divorced. Thoughts of someone new entering her life sent me to the bathroom throwing up.

There is hope.

That year, in general, was rough. There were the money problems, there were our problems and I was 170 pounds overweight. The day after we separated was my wake up call.

After crying my eyes out that day, I woke up the second day determined to radically change my life. No matter what it took, I was going to do everything it took to live a life of no regrets.

I put on my tennis shoes that second morning and went for a run. I couldn’t run a long –because it felt like I was having a heart attack–but I was determined. I cut all the junk food out of my life and started a healthy diet. I tried calling my wife to tell her I loved her, but the call went to voicemail.

I woke up every morning determined to make it better. It took a lot of days of crying and changing to see progress. During this time, my wife and I started talking again. Talking led to a few dates and us getting to know each other all over again.

The day before our divorce was supposed to be final, we went to court to get the case dismissed. We chose love over our past. As of today, we have been married 16 amazing, but hard years. We earned this marriage.

Love is a decision.

Falling in love is the easy part. When you first get those feelings, the excitement can propel you to look past anything, As the honeymoon phase wears off, reality starts to set in.

Here’s the thing though, you decide what you want that reality to be. A wise counselor told us love isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision. You decide to love and stay in love.

Feelings come and go, but when you wake up and decide to honor your vows, you’re choosing love. When you decide you would rather die than betray the person you committed to, you are deciding to love.

There will always be another good-looking person who has a great body and just screams lust. The grass will seem greener on the other side, especially during the hard times, but true love is stronger than lust.

If you are separated, I hope you keep hope alive. If someone else has tempted you, I hope you decide to choose love over attraction. If you’re just starting your life together, make the decision to love each other every single minute of the time you have on this earth together.

Life is short and time is the only thing we’ll never get back. You can come to the end of your life regretting love, or cherishing what you experienced. Choose love.

Audio version:

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This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post.

Photo: Flickr/ Benurs — Learning and lear

3 Ways to Keep Your Dream From Hurting Your Family

There is an audio version below.

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Have you ever gone out to dinner with your family and looked around the restaurant? I’m guessing what you would see are children talking to a parent (or parents) looking at their cell phone. With all the updates and things to keep up with online, society is glued to their phones—me included.

Life is busy these days and especially if you’re chasing a dream. Chances are you are chasing this dream on the side, which means hustling in the in-between. You have to learn how to use those free moments wisely.

In our effort to use time for our dream, we end up pushing our family to the side without even realizing it. It could be looking at your phone during dinner, or ignoring them while you’re watching a movie together at home. They could be talking to you, but you’re distracted, or a thousand miles away—thinking about all the things you have to do.

At that point, your family starts to hate your dream. You drove them there without putting two-and-two together. Your dream should fit into your life, not your life into your dream. The life part has to come first. Your family has to come first. Here are three ways to keep your dream from hurting your family.

1. Learn how to turn the dream off  

I’m all for hustling to make your dreams a reality—I made my dream happen that way. However, I did it all wrong. I was always ON, even when I should have been there for my family. They would talk and I would smile while not listening. I turned it on and had no clue how to turn it off.

You can’t work on your dream in EVERY spare moment you have available. Those moments belong to more than just your dream. As hard as it can be, as bad as you want it, you have to turn dream mode off when it’s not appropriate to be on.

Making your dream a reality is a matter of focus and proper time management. You CAN find the time for everything in your life if you want to—it’s a matter of balance. Sit down and look at your schedule. Get honest about where you’re wasting time. Find that extra time for your dream. Start with how much you watch TV—there’s usually hours to be found there.

2. Set a clear schedule (as much as you can)

The best way to get your family on board with your dream is to actually get them on board. They should see the vision and understand what you’re working on. It can be as simple as putting a big calendar in the kitchen, or a little more in-depth and interactive. Like having a weekly meeting to go over your schedule for that week with your family. Communication is crucial in ANY relationship.

Look, this is easier said then done, and it will take time. But, if you start today, you’ll eventually get there. Set a clear schedule for yourself and family, and talk about what that schedule is. Set clear and appropriate boundaries.

3. Always put your family first

At the end of the day, you’re chasing a dream and creating freedom so you can be there for your family. You’re tired of trading time for money. You want to be there as much as possible while enjoying control over your time. You want to live your life on your OWN terms.

You have to put your family first. They must have the first place in your heart, and the best of what you have to offer. Show them they are the most important things in your life and they will be your biggest cheerleaders. Don’t just give them words; show them by the actions you take. Talk is cheap and they are too used to talk.

There’s a right way, a wrong way, and the normal way people chase their dreams. You can do it differently by keeping your family a priority and using you time wisely. Don’t risk turning your dream into a nightmare by doing this all wrong.

Life is short. Those precious moments with your family count. Chase big dreams and never give up, but be sure to get your family behind you and helping you. Your family is a great asset to your dream. You all can transition into your dream together.

Audio version:

How is your dream affecting your family?

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Flickr/ Craft Scotland

3 Struggles We Are Afraid to Admit

There is an audio version below.

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Too often, we want to feel and appear strong. We’re men and women for Pete’s sake! There are things we struggle with, but do a good job keeping to ourselves.

With the rise of the Internet and social media, we get a glimpse into each other’s lives. Since it’s public, we want to share the best of what’s going on in our lives. While we celebrate each other’s victories, we know there’s something missing. No one’s life is always that good.

I’m not saying that we have to share every detail of our lives, or only share the bad parts, but being honest about the bad with the good would help everyone. There are friends and family that would cheer and be a shoulder to lean on through hard times–if we let them.

Overcoming struggles starts with admitting they are there. Here are three things we struggle with, but are afraid to admit to themselves and others.

1. Hating what we do for “work”

Work occupies a large part of our week. We try to leave work at work, but when you spend that much of your time doing something, it’s hard to keep all those emotions in a box. Whatever struggles and emotions you experience will spill over into the rest of your life.

Our economy in the United States is still recovering and a good job isn’t easy to find these days. Because of the circumstances, we tell our self that we should be grateful for the job we have. While we should be grateful, we can’t confuse gratefulness with complacency. You can be grateful for a job, and still look for a better one that suits the kind of lifestyle you want to live.

The stats tell us there are very few of us that like or get fulfillment from the work we do. Too many of us stay quite while we struggle through a job we hate. Life is too short to live this way, and it is having an effect on other areas of your lives. Admit that you don’t like what you do and look for something better. It’s not just a job, this could apply to a business you have. You have the power to get a better “work” situation for yourself.

2. Getting complacent in a “good enough” life

It took the death of my father at 54 to teach me how short and precious life is. I knew life is short, I can look at my kids and remember when they were babies, but they’re little adults now. I knew life is short, but I lived like I was immortal. For years, I was complacent in a good enough life.

Life feels good when things are going well. We deal with so much crap that it’s nice when things go as planned. There’s a danger in getting comfortable, especially if you have unfilled goals and dreams. Each of us should never settle until we reach our dream life. We should constantly and consistently look to grow. Steeping outside of your comfort zone is scary, but can lead to a life most men only dream of.

3. Waiting for permission to make “radical” changes

We have gotten so complacent in life that when someone makes big changes we think of them as radical. In 2013, we told family that we were moving from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Maui, Hawaii. People thought we were nuts.

There are dreams in our minds and hearts that seem radical, but aren’t. Too often we wait for all the stars to align before we do something about our dreams. We wait for permission to claim the life we truly want.

Stop waiting for permission because if you do, life will pass you by. None of us is guaranteed a tomorrow–all we have is right now. Stop dreaming and start living!

Thinking about making big changes in our life is scary and overwhelming. Chances are some reading this have already given up on the goals and resolutions they set for themselves at the beginning of this year.

It’s not easy, and it takes too long, but life is too short to give up or give in. We only get one life to live, and we should do everything we can to make it count.

I could give you story after story of people who overcame great odds to live their dream life. I won’t. I challenge you to look inside of you and start believing in yourself and your dream. Stop waiting for permission to claim the life you truly deserve.

Admit the things you struggle with and determine to do something about those struggles this year. It starts with getting honest. Only you know what’s going on in your mind.

Audio version:

What is your big dream?

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This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Flickr/ David Goehring

Life Is Too Short to Die With Regrets

There is an audio version below.

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If I had died four years ago, I would have died with one major regret. I had big dreams, but I would wake up everyday and talk myself out of doing anything with them. How could a bread man from Milwaukee change the world with his writing?

I love to write. My earliest memory of writing was in second grade when I wrote my first love letter. I can’t tell you if it was good or not, but the stick figure drawings were killer.

As I grew up I wrote novels, poems, songs, even the inauguration speech I would give one day when I was president. I was fearless in my writing back then and I had no doubt writing was my future.

I wrote consistently until I was seventeen years old. I grew up in a strict home, and at that age I didn’t feel like following the rules. At seventeen, my parents said if you don’t want to follow the rules, get out, so that’s what I did.

I was homeless for six months, living on my friend’s couch. During this time my dream of writing died.

I got “jobs” to pay the bills and settled for a “good enough” life. It wasn’t until the death of my father 15 years later that I found writing again. During one of the lowest points of my life, with nowhere else to turn, I fell back in love with my first love.

I tried to start writing again to make money, but that was a colossal failure. During this failure I got a simple email from a young man saying my writing was helping his life. That was all I needed.

I don’t write for money. I don’t write to get noticed. I don’t care if no one reads this. (OK, that’s not true, I want a FEW people to read this.)

I write to prove that anyone, anywhere, in any situation, can live the life of their dreams. I hope my little words are the inspiration that motivates them to take action.

I write to share my story. The story of how I went from living on my friends couch to living out my dreams. The story of how an ordinary guy could lose 170 pounds, quit a job he hated, and move to Maui, Hawaii. I write not to highlight what I’ve done, but to show what’s possible if you believe in yourself.

I write to challenge all the things people tell us we have to do. I write to show the world that there isn’t a cookie cutter answer that fits all of us; we all have to find OUR OWN truth.

I write to make my haters mad that I haven’t believed what they try to tell me I should do with my life. I write to get all my doubts and fears out of my head, and out there on paper where I can see that they don’t make sense.

I write to spread hope, and give the everyday, ordinary person hope that there is more to life.

I write for the parents who are worried about their children’s future. I write for the family man or woman who wants to live life by their own design and create true freedom in life.

Even if I didn’t make a single penny, I would still write. I write because every fiber in my being has to get these words out of my head.

I write because I want to be one of the “crazy ones.”

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ~Steve Jobs

And because I want to say I lived a life with no regrets.

Audio version:

Why do you do what you do?

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This article originally appeared on the Good Men Project.

Photo: Flickr/Jason Howie

 

Losing Weight Doubled My Business and Changed My Life

There is an audio version at the end of the post.

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For 12 years, I delivered bread to groceries during odd hours—I woke up at midnight. When I woke up, it felt like my “morning” so the first thing I did was grab breakfast. Since it was midnight, the only places open were fast food restaurants.

My breakfast consisted of a super-sized family meal from McDonald’s or Taco Bell. I would then wash it down with a 44oz of Mountain Dew from a gas station. It didn’t take long for the pounds to start piling on.

In 2008, my brother asked me to be the best man at his wedding. When the pictures were posted, I was horrified to see how big I had gotten—I was 132 pounds over what I wanted to weigh, 200 pounds.

After the wedding, I went on a crazy diet where I only ate 1,200 calories a day and exercised at least four hours a day. I lost the 132 pounds in six months. No Joke.

Since I didn’t learn what it meant to live a healthy lifestyle, I gained the weight back the following year, plus 38 pounds. I let my weight go until 2013.

In 2012, I started getting serious about my writing and speaking. I wrote for 50 different blogs, and was a guest on 80 different podcasts. I spoke 36 times that year, all over the world.

When I travelled to speak, I was reminded of my out-of-control weight. I couldn’t fit into the airplanes seats—stupid airlines! People laughed and stared. When I was speaking on stage, people would tweet about how big I was—it hurt seeing those tweets.

In 2013, I realized I needed to lose weight for my business and my sanity. This time around, I realized I needed to figure out what it meant to live a healthy lifestyle.

It took over a year of eating right and running, but I lost 170 pounds. I have kept it off for six months now. I feel so much better. I have more energy and perspective.

Our health is important

I could give you study after study listing how important our health is, but I’m guessing you already know. What we eat affects how we feel in our bodies and about our self. There is a lot of information that can help you with what’s healthy to eat.

What I’m thinking about is how you’re perceived. If you are in the public eye—I’m guessing you are if you’re reading this. Some people make decisions based off of how you look—I’m not talking about attractiveness.

However, if you write and speak about personal development or self-help, there will be a disconnect if you’re not practicing what you preach with your health. Our health can affect our business.

Losing the weight opened new doors in my business. More people connect with what I was writing because I used it, and lived it in my life. It isn’t just talk, I proved it can and does work.

My haters were very quick to point out the fact that I hadn’t accomplished what I wrote about in my book, Are You Living or Existing? 9 Steps to Change Your Life. I wrote the book as my public declaration, but they saw it as an opportunity to call me a liar.

I have since lost 170 pounds, quit a job I hated, and moved our family to Maui, Hawaii. I did everything I wrote about in the book. They seem to be quiet these days… That book now has 101 reviews (74 five-star) and is a Publishers Weekly best-selling book.

Besides business, we want to live a long life and be there for our family. While none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow, living a healthy lifestyle can help us get there. I know this personally, my father died at 54 from heart disease from being overweight.

Living a healthy lifestyle isn’t easy, and there are going to be times when you stumble, that’s life. If you take this one-day at a time, and determine to persevere, you can reach your health goals.

Get honest with what you want for your life and health. Set goals and make them public. Set benchmarks. Don’t let the haters discourage you on this journey.

Audio version:

Has weight affect your life or business?

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Flickr/ Jannino :p

 

Starting a Business Almost Ended My Marriage

There is an audio version of this article below.

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I met my wife at my very first “real” job at the age of seventeen. We both worked at Burger King. We hated each other the first time we met. She was a manager, and I wasn’t, so she did everything she could to show me who was boss.

You know how it goes. Right? What started off as hate, slowly turned into love as we got to know each other, and worked with each other everyday. Six months after I met Tanya, we got married.

After getting married, we got our own place and had grown up bills to pay, this meant me getting a higher paying job. I got a job as a delivery driver for Pepsi. The job paid well, but over the next few years I upgraded to many different jobs that made even more money.

At the height of my career, I was making $60,000 a year. My wife was happy, our bills were paid, and we had good benefits. It was during this time that I told her I wanted to start my own business.

That conversation, and many conversations after that, didn’t involve a whole lot of talking; yelling would be the better word. She didn’t understand why I wanted to leave a perfectly good job for the uncertainty of entrepreneurship, and I didn’t understand why she couldn’t “see” how good this would be for our family.

It took some hard lessons to wake me up to some truths that ultimately got her on board with my vision. These days, it’s gone beyond supportive to her being an invaluable part of the business.

If you’re thinking about starting a business, think about these truths before you turn your business dreams into a marriage-ending nightmare.

Realize that starting a business isn’t for everyone and she might be right

Look, we want to soar free, and starting our own business is a good way to do that. I love being a business owner and the time freedom it provides. I recommend starting a business to those whom it is right for.

I hate to say it, but that person might not be you. If want to get your significant other on board, be honest with yourself first, and see if starting a business is right for you.

Ask yourself a few basic questions:

Do you have a good idea what kind of business you want to start?
Have you researched what it will take to start this business?
Does your potential business have a profitable customer base?
Is there ample opportunity to grow the business?
Is this something you could see yourself doing for at least the next few years?

If you can answer these questions honestly, then it could be time to start sharing your vision and your why behind starting it. If you’re having trouble answering them, it might be time to take a good hard look at what’s right for you.

Communicate with her

This isn’t just a good lesson for starting a business; it’s a good lesson if you want to have a long, and successful relationship. You have talk to her, not at her! You may have a dream, and an opportunity let her see that dream through your eyes.

The day my wife got on was board was the day that I sat her down, and showed her why I wanted to do this. I showed her the potential, I showed her the plan, and she understood.

From that moment on, this was something we dreamed together, and having her support is what made the business successful. Talk to her, help her see, and more importantly, listen to her concerns. This advice applies to men or women.

Show her that you’re prepared for the rough times

One of the biggest makes I made when I started my business was not having an emergency fund. My wife warned me, but I was a young hot-head!

We hope everything works out, but sometimes it doesn’t, and the smartest thing you can do is be prepared. When you talk about your plans for your business show her that you have something set aside for emergencies.

That number varies depending on who you ask, but have something set-aside just in case. When you do, she’ll feel secure knowing you can handle anything that comes up.

Include her in the business

I know we like to be lone rangers at times, but there’s real value in going down this road with someone else, especially your wife. As much as possible, include her in the business, make her see that this isn’t just your thing, it’s your family’s.

When I told my wife the plan, she was OK. When I started including her in the business, she went beyond OK to feeling invested, and special. There’s a great weight that can be lifted off your shoulders if you can delegate in your business, and your wife is a great person to help out.

Having her help will free your hands up to do activates that will grow your business. If your business is going to grow, you can’t just be IN the business.

It was a rough few years starting my business. There were many lessons I learned that seemed marriage-ending at the time, but ultimately helped us learn how to communicate.

The first years of marriage are hard enough without having the stress of starting a business. Learn the lessons I wish I knew, and your business and marriage will be just fine.

Audio version:

How were your first few years of marriage? How were your first few years of business? 

This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.