Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 34

The Day I Panicked and Applied For a Job

There is an audio version below. 

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Last week, I was driving home from dinner with my wife, and we were talking about a friend of ours. He has worked for himself for years, but because his business is slow, he just started applying for jobs.

I had the most random thought and a flashback to a similar time in my life. I have told you a lot of parts of my story, but I don’t think I’ve ever shared this part.

In 2013, I was fully supported by my writing, speaking, and coaching. Well, almost… The month of January was great–I made $4,200. The month of February was OK–I made $2,600. The month of March was depressing–I made ZERO. Like not even a PENNY. My wife and I were scared after March, as we used some of our savings to pay our bills.

At that point, I started to get desperate, so I applied for jobs.

I figured I would get a desk job or work remotely, so I went on Craigslist and applied for every marketing, social media marketing, or website job I could find. I had a resume and tried to leverage what I had done online to impress an employer.

I didn’t get any of the posted jobs on Craigslist, Monster, or a host of other employment sites. All I got was scams in reply. No luck. No Job. And, I made $97 in the month of April.

When I realized no one would hire me, I discovered what the word “hustle” means. I took any call I could when ANYONE who even hinted they could give me some work. I hustled harder than I thought was possible. I got a check from Amazon in May for $4,236 for book sales. I made $1,300 in coaching revenue, and I got $400 to design someone’s website. (I don’t offer that service anymore because I suck at it)

What’s the point?

I lost belief in myself and my dream. That led to desperation, which resulted in me getting sidetracked. If I had just focused–instead of applying for jobs I knew I couldn’t get–I would have hustled sooner and gotten back on track.

When you’re chasing your dream on the side, it’s easy to get sidetracked because of disbelief. Your dream isn’t working out, so you get another job, or try MLM, or try to freelance, or mail order from home, or WHATEVER. Don’t get sidetracked by disbelief.

You see someone post content about a cool new system or strategy they tried and made six-figures with. The other day I saw John Lee Dumas’ income report of $525,000 for ONE MONTH! I would love to make six-figures in a month. I spent a bunch of time yesterday trying to dissect his income report—it was a waste of time for me.

I know what I should be doing and how I make money. I have to focus on scaling my thing, not trying his because he made a lot of money. It’s a distraction that many of us give into because we want those results.

I know it’s not easy, and it seems like it’s taking way too long. I know there are plenty of bright shiny objects that seem like they’ll lead to income. They’re just a distraction from what you want to do. If you spent that time and energy in your dream, you would be surprised at what you could accomplish. This all starts with what you believe (mindset), which affects the actions you take. I have lived this.

Audio version: 

Have you ever applied to jobs in desperation?

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Photo: Flickr/ United Nations Development Programme in Europe and CIS

 

What Living On Maui Has Taught Me About Life

There is an audio version below.

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After 30 years of dealing with unbearable Wisconsin winters, I moved my family to Maui, Hawaii. We made the move on April 8th of 2014. 14 months later, I can tell you we still love Maui life and think this is one of the best decisions our family has made. We thought this would be a great place to live, but it has exceeded our expectations.

The move to Maui was a four-year journey that included many highs and lows. After vacationing here in 2010, we got on a flight back to Wisconsin promising to make Maui home someday. The death of my father in 2012 was the catalyst to turn the talk into action.

As you can imagine, people didn’t get it. They didn’t understand why we wanted to move to one of the “most remote places on earth.” Just like any big change in life, even those closest to you have a hard time understanding. The move and living here has taught me some valuable life lessons.

Life Is Short

Our initial conversations about a move to Maui were centered on retirement. We thought when our kids left home, and we were settled, we would retire on Maui. The death of my father made the idea of death seem real. We realized death doesn’t come when you think or hope it does, none of us is guaranteed a moment past right now.

I hope everyone who reads this lives a long and happy life, but things rarely work out as planned. Life is short and how we live each day is important. Your dreams are important, and they’re in your mind and heart for a reason. Your dream may not be to move to Hawaii, and that’s OK. Whatever your dream is, life is too short not to try.

Too often we live our life the way other people think we should live it. It may be parents, friends, or what society thinks is “normal”, but we’re afraid to step beyond what we understand. It’s scary making big changes in life, but being comfortable should scare us even more. Life has too much to offer.

Life Is What You Make It

Living on Maui, and in Hawaii, in general, is expensive. It can be the little things like groceries or household items or the bigger things. Recently, we had the fun experience of looking for a new vehicle. When we moved here, we took the bus everywhere for the first 45 days. Then we got a “Maui cruiser” for the next ten months.

After being settled and my business growing by leaps and bounds, we had enough for a decent used car. We were shocked at the prices. We ended up buying a 2015 Sion XB because the used car prospects weren’t great. Since we don’t believe in debt, we paid cash for the car and got a great deal. From the little stuff to the bigger of parts of life, the price of paradise is not for everyone. Some people see this as a negative.

The prices of everything in our country are higher. The cost of living keeps increasing while wages decrease. This can depress and keep you stuck, or you can use it as motivation to escape to a better life–no matter where that life is. You have a choice to make, and you decide what you believe is possible in your life.

Life Is Better With Experiences. Not Stuff

We sold everything and moved to Maui with nothing but 15 checked bags. A year later, we still live a simple life. We let go of living life for “stuff” and have chosen to embrace the ocean, the mountains, great friends, and the beauty of life’s experiences. This is simple and free.

While there’s nothing wrong with having nice things, stuff can keep you from living each moment fully present. At the end of our lives we won’t remember all the stuff we had, we’ll remember our experiences. Living in Hawaii is expensive but it forces you to abandon the pursuit of things and embrace what truly living means. It’s not just a Hawaii thing, no matter where you live, choose experience instead of stuff.

If you take anything away from this article, let it be that you only get one life to live and how you spend each day matters. Maui and Hawaii, in general, aren’t for everyone, and that’s OK. Whatever your dream is, do what you can to make it your reality.

Are you living or existing?

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This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post.

The Struggles of the Work-Life Balance

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I wish I could tell you that I have the proper balance in every area of my life. You are reading my blog, and I am supposed to be somewhat of an expert, right? The truth is that I suck at a lot of things and struggle more now than when I was chasing my dream. As I’m writing this, I’m struggling to resist the temptation to check Facebook.

Whether it’s social media, a blog, or some other place online, we like to show the best of who we are and what we do. We want to show the world we have it together—especially if we want people to buy from us. I do my best to be honest, but I put on a front from time-to-time like everyone else.

If you look at how I spent my time while chasing my dream, and how I spend my time now, you would be disappointed. My balance is out of whack, and I’m struggling. The only blessing is that the Lord blessed my business in a crazy good way so far this year. This year has the strong possibility of being a multiple six-figure year. If I can get my act together, who knows what will happen. UGH!

Balance While You Hustle

When you’re building your dream, you don’t have a choice, you have to hustle if you’re going to escape. More than that, you’re fueled by a desire to break free from what’s keeping you from the kind of life you want to live. The key is to not make the hustle the center of your life.

There’s a reason so many spouses hate the dream and the journey—we take it too far. It’s important to keep things in perspective. Your dream has to fit in your life. It can’t be the other way around. Chasing a dream/building a business with the proper balance make take longer, but it’s a smarter way.

After Freedom  

I haven’t mastered work-life balance, but I am learning some “on-the-job” lessons. It helps when you have goals—goals for your day, week, and month. When you don’t have a plan, you end up spending most of your time wondering what you should be doing. This sounds stupid to some of you, I know.

Goals are our roadmap and help us figure out what the best use of our time is. Many of us struggle with information overload. This comes when we don’t have goals or a plan. If you know what your goal is, you know what the steps are to get there—the big steps at least.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you can’t let your hunger/fire die. You must have the hustle burned in your brain. You may not have to hustle as hard, but you still have to keep the desire to reach new and bigger dreams. That is what’s helped me accomplish some big goals in the last few months.

I may not be there yet, but I have some big goals this year. My main goal this year is to launch Jared and my new book to the New York Times bestsellers list. I don’t think I’ve shown you the cover here, so here it is:

I have spoken four times already this year. I want to speak six more times in some cool places. I want to finish a triathlon by the end of this year. I want to learn to live fully present and grow in my relationship with my wife. These goals fuel me and keep me busy. Working with great clients and companies also keeps me from slacking off.

It takes time to find that balance—no matter where you are on your journey. Take some time this week to get honest about what you need to work on and what can make this a smoother journey.

How is your work-life balance?

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Photo: Flickr/ kylesteed

 

3 Fears That Keep Your Business From Growth

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Every time we turn on the news, we hear another story of business failure. We understand how the economy is recovering, and it’s eating businesses for breakfast. Entrepreneurs look at those stories and shrug it out.

We can look around and see more opportunity than any time in history. The Internet alone has given access to 2.5 billion leads that are online every day. That’s not to say we’ll reach all of them, but the opportunity is mind-blogging.

The news is wrong, but that still doesn’t take away all our fears. Deep down inside, every entrepreneur is afraid of something. It can be self-limiting beliefs or negative experiences in our past, but if our business is going to reach that next level, we have to beat our fears.

Here are three fears that can keep our business from growing, and ways for us to overcome them.

1. We’ll lose business if we raise our prices.

What to charge for our products and services is a constant work in progress. The only true way to know what we should charge is by testing. There are too many of us, however, that won’t even get to the testing phase because we’re afraid to raise our prices.

It may be what our competitors charge, or what an “expert” told us to charge, but we don’t charge based off of the value we provide. If we provide a valuable service, we should never be afraid to charge a fair and profitable price for our time.

Time is the only thing we’ll never get back, which makes our time the highest priced offering our business provides. Yes, we may lose some business, but when you trade time for dollars, all we have is a job. Lose a few tire kickers, that is perfectly OK. You will then be able to serve those who will truly use what you provide.

2. We’ll lose leads if we focus on a niche.

For as long as business has been around, we have heard the phrase, “Need to niche.” While I don’t believe you have to be as micro-focused as possible, there is incredible value in focusing on a particular group of people or industry.

When we can figure out who we most want to help and serve, we have a clue as to how to reach them. We can research that group and see where they are, online or offline. We can see what they respond to and tailor our marketing efforts in the best way to get a response from them.

As much as you can, pick a specific group or industry. Don’t try to reach them the way you think is best; let your research show you the best strategies. Start general. Get more specific as you get more information.

3. We won’t be successful if we don’t copy industry leaders.

The Internet and social media have given us access in a way we have never experienced in the past. We see what successful industry leaders are doing, and what strategies they’re using to do them.

I firmly believe in modeling success. If you see someone successful, what can you learn from him or her? Modeling success, however, is NOT the same as copying. Too many entrepreneurs are carbon copies of successful industry leaders.

When someone wants to do business, they hire someone they know, like and trust. If we are the carbon copies of someone else, people will do business with that person. They can never get to a buying place in their mind because they haven’t met the real us.

We have everything it takes to build a successful business on our own and without copying a successful entrepreneur. More than that, this is the best way to connect with our customers.

Growing a business is hard. There are days when it feels like nothing is going right. There are days when we would just rather throw in the towel. These fears only compound the problem and keep us from reaching the next level.

We have to address these fears. We have to get honest about where we’re at and the strategies we’re using. If they need adjusting, we can’t be afraid to do what’s necessary.

At the end of the day, entrepreneurship provides us a life of real freedom. It’s hard, but worth every struggle. If we always stay self-aware, we can beat any fears and continue to grow our business.

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Photo: Flickr/ stuart anthony

This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur Magazine.

The Day After I Quit a Job I Hated

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I hated his voice. It didn’t start out that way, but after years of taking his verbal and mental abuse, his voice made me want to punch myself in the head. He always had to one-up me and made it very clear that I worked for him.

He was the boss and could tell me what to do. Even on the day I told him I was quitting, he argued about when my last day would be. He said, “I’m the one that says when this is over.” What a jerk. In the end, I’ve had the last laugh. He’s still with the company, and I’m living out my dream on Maui, Hawaii.

The Job

For 12 years, I was a vendor. Specifically, I would get up at midnight and deliver bread to grocery stores. I had a wife and kids, and we had the regular life stuff; this meant I slept three hours a night for those 12 years. I was always cranky, tired, stressed, and a jerk.

When I started the job at 19 years old, I loved it. $55,000 a year that young meant I lived well. As the years wore on, the job and hours began to get to me. About eight years in, I started working for a spineless control freak. When we started working together, he knew I was working on my dream of becoming an author and speaker.

He took every chance to put my dream down. When I asked for time off to speak at conferences or attend some training that would help my dream, he was quick to come up with excuses. Coincidently, he started his blog and book. His ideas “seemed” to be the same as mine.

Vendors have a hard job because they get it from everyone. If they run out of a product, the store, the customers and the companies yell at them. If they have too much, the store and company yells at them. You’re expected to be perfect no matter what. It’s a high-pressure job that is also hard on the body because the job is very physically.

My Escape

After spending three years building my dream on the side I was finally able to give this boss my notice. I worked 60 hours a week at the job and spent every waking moment after writing, travelling to speak, and building a coaching business. I finally made enough money to pay off all our debt and save ten month’s worth of expenses.

He was pissed. He didn’t think I could do it and still took the opportunity to remind me I had worked for him all those years. He made every day of those last few months hell and even tried to keep my last paycheck. None of it bothered me because I could see the finish line. I was finally free!

It’s been years since I worked for him and the crappy job. Today, I wake up on Maui, Hawaii doing what I love for “work.” I have complete freedom to spend my days and time on the things that are critical to the kind of life I want to live. I have set my life and finances up in a way where I don’t have to worry about money.

The Lesson

I know what you’re thinking, either, “yeah, right,” or “that’s good for him, but that won’t work for me.” I didn’t get any lucky breaks or a big inheritance. I wanted to quit so many times along this journey, but glad I didn’t. It took three years of busting my butt to get to this place in my life.

The lesson is that life is short and time is the one thing we can never recover. You may be working with a jerk, just like I did. That job and jerk are having an effect on your life outside of work. You try to leave the stress at work, but since you spend so much of your week working, that stress comes home with you. It comes out in your attitude and through your outbursts.

If you are reading this and are skeptical, you’ll never get to a place in your mind that allows you to see past your situation. If you can’t see what’s possible, you won’t take the first steps, you’ll always be stuck. If you can open your eyes and mind a little bit, you can start the process of escaping.

Don’t spend 12 years hating your life and work like I did. Start the process of identifying what you want from your life and your work. Start today. Research what it would take to make that dream a reality. It’s probably going to take some time, but the sooner you start, the sooner it can become your reality.

From time to time that jerk tries to contact me asking for help with his “dream.” I don’t take his calls or even think about him; I have important things to do. I’m on a mission to help everyday working men and women see that their dreams are possible if they do something about them.

How do you feel about your current job?

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Photo: Flickr/ Noemi F

This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

When Is It Time to Spend Money on Your Dream?

There is an audio version below.

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In 2012, I was making progress on my dream. I was over the horrible defeat of no one buying or caring about my book. I had a plan to grow my audience, exposure and hopefully my income. At that point, I wondered if I should hire a coach. I thought about it and talked to my wife. We were skeptical.

We settled on a compromise; I would take a course offered by a well-known online marketer. The course was $697, which was a HUGE investment in my world at the time. I paid for access and got the login information—boy was I disappointed. There was some good stuff in there, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of the course was very generic and designed to up sell me on his “elite” program. I took what I could come from the program and was stuck at step three.

For the rest of that year, I was a little bitter and decided to figure this out on my own. I worked hard and guest posted on 50 different blogs. I was a guest on 80 podcasts and took every “strategy call” I could when anyone who hinted at hiring me. By the end of 2012, I was making enough money to quit my day job.

Despite the progress, I found myself stuck at step six at the beginning part of 2013. I knew I was missing opportunities, so I caved and hired a business coach. Do you want to talk about investments? I paid $5,500 a month for my business coach and did it for three months. It hurt to spend that kind of money, but it wasn’t long before I started having five-figure months.

When Should You Spend?

I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know your situation. For most of you reading this, the answer is probably not right now. We know so much from the blogs, podcast, webinars, and the videos we absorb every day. If we just applied the knowledge we have right now, we would make significant progress.

There are a few, however, that a coach or good program would benefit. I’ll tell you upfront, I’ll take a coach over a course any day. A coach can guide you—hold your hand so to speak–and answer all your questions. One of the biggest knocks on programs from big names is that they don’t come with Q&A access. I guarantee you’ll have questions as you start implementing the course. If you can’t get your questions answered, you’ll be stuck.

All of this is contingent on the coach knowing what they’re talking about. You have to research what results they have gotten for their clients. I have seen a lot of successful people start coaching and can’t replicate the results they have gotten. If they did it–great, but if they can’t teach you to do it, you’re just wasting money. Also, make sure the coach isn’t trying to coach you on something they haven’t done themselves.

I see so many coaches who coach on “book marketing” but haven’t sold more than 100 books themselves—that won’t help you. I see coaches who coach on “online business” but only make their money teaching online business. They don’t have a successful online business themselves.

You’ll know when it’s time to hire someone or to take a course. When you haven’t gone as far as you can on your own and need guidance for the next steps—that’s when it’s time to spend money. When spending that money can leapfrog the progress you have ALREADY made, that’s when it’s time.

Don’t hire anyone—not even me—unless you have done your research, have seen the person has duplicated what they say they can do. And, you are in a place where spending money won’t turn your dream into something your spouse hates. This is your business. Make a smart business decision.

I can’t tell you when you should spend money. I can only tell you to listen to your gut. Apply all the free information you can and work harder than you think is possible. When you are sure, research what works best for you.

Audio version:

Have you spent money on your dream?

 

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Photo: Flickr/ Murilo Cardoso

Being “Perfect” Is Hurting Your Dream

There’s an audio version below. 

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One of the joys I have in life is being a “Lead” editor at the Good Men Project. Lead editor means I get to do a little bit of everything on the site. Every week I edit anywhere from 10 to 20 articles. I also get to see the analytics of the website—so I see what posts do well and which ones do not.

I extend the invitation to anyone who knows me (you included) to write for the Good Men Project. The site gets three million unique visitors, and eight million views a month. When someone hears this, they are excited and nervous—that’s a lot of eyeballs on something you wrote. In the desire to get massive traffic and email subscribers, dreamers try to make their article perfect.

At any given time, I work with ten coaching clients; I also consult for two companies. I see the same desire to be perfect with both of these groups. I talk to many of you each week on the phone and through email; a lot of you feel the need to be perfect so that your dream can take off.

Here’s what I want to tell you: No one is perfect, and trying to be perfect is holding you back.

Procrastination

There are already enough distractions in life that feed into our procrastination. Trying to make what you do perfect keeps you from even starting because you tell yourself you have to “think” first. I’m all for planning and researching the steps you’re going to take, but at some point the research has to stop, and the action has to start.

If your dreams are going to become a reality, you have to take more action than your fear and doubt will allow. If you give into procrastination, it will take twice as long–if it even happens at all. I remember getting home from delivering bread for 10 to 12 hours and telling myself I had a choice to make. I chose action because I hated what I did and wanted to escape.

Writing

Many who read this blog are writers—whether you view yourself that way or not. Writing is an essential part of a freedom business and an excellent way to heal. When we write, we want our articles to “go viral.” I hear this all the time from people writing for the Good Men Project.

It is very rare that you will sit down to write a “hit” and actually write one—it almost never happens that way. The articles that end up being hits have two elements to them: 1. They have a strong emotional anchor—we really connect with what the author is saying on an emotional level. 2. There is ONE clear thought—too often we sit down to write one article, and it ends up talking about a bunch of different things. Hit article’s present one idea and that idea is made clear in the article.

Stop trying to write the perfect article and just write. Sit down to get what’s on your mind onto the paper. Don’t edit while you write, express your thought. Come back after you’re done and edit that thought to make sense. When in doubt, study good writing and model your articles in that structure.

None of us is perfect and never will be–no matter how hard we try. We have to strive for excellence, but more importantly, take action on our dream. Life is too short to let being perfect keep you from amazing things that can happen when you do something about them.

Audio version:

Are you trying to be perfect?

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Photo: Flickr/ Jonno Witts

 

5 Basics for Building an Online Business That Actually Makes Money

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With the boom of the Internet and social media has arisen a new category of entrepreneurship. Successful entrepreneurs such as Mark Cuban, Elon Musk, and Peter Thiel got their start with online businesses. An online business offers an unparalleled opportunity to run a business worldwide with only a laptop and Internet connection.

Starting and growing an online business, however, is easier said than done. Today, 2.5 billion people log onto the Internet. This is good in the sense of the opportunity for income, but negative in the sense that an online business has become a modern-day gold rush.

Everywhere you look a new “guru” or “expert” who offers their cheat sheet or course on how they made “seven-figures” in one year. Logging into your Facebook account can be downright depressing with all the over-hyped ads. Choosing whom to learn from can be just as hard as starting an online business.

Here are five simple steps to making money from a dream or an idea you have and enjoy. You don’t need the gurus to start or grow a business that will free you to make money on your terms.

1. Focus. When I say focus, the first thought that comes to your mind is probably “niche.” While figuring out a profitable niche is important, it’s not the end all be all. Focus means figuring out who you want to serve and how you will deliver value to that group.

It means you stop following the gurus and focus on what will help you where you are. There is an abundance of free information online, almost too much. Many entrepreneurs fall victim to information overload. I’m guessing that if you applied 10 percent of the knowledge you currently have, you would make progress building your business. Turn off the constant learning and focus on 20 percent strategies. Use a service like Unroll.me to unsubscribe from unnecessary emails lists that take all your time.

2. Build an audience. This is where many businesses miss the mark. You put together a beautiful website with all the right plugins, widgets, and opt-in boxes. You follow all the steps, but the money doesn’t come because you have no audience.

There are many ways to build an audience and quickly:

Be a guest on a podcast. Every morning, Radio Guest List will deliver to your inbox a list of shows looking for your expertise.
Guest post on blogs. There are blogs that get millions of visitors each month. In 2012, I guest posted on 50 blogs that brought half a million visitors to my website.
Get exposure from large author sites. If you can be interviewed or write for sites like Entrepreneur or the Huffington Post, you get exposure to millions of potential leads and customers. Writing for these websites builds authority, grows your social media presence and leads to sales. Here is a podcast episode that walks you through how to do this.

3. Develop a monetization plan. After you’ve started to get exposure, it’s time to implement your plan to generate income.  Your website/blog needs a content strategy that aligns with a promotion schedule. It shocks me how many coaching clients come to me without an organized plan to generate revenue. Plan what products and services you will be offering your customers. Use your exposure and content plan to sell premium offerings and build your business.

4. Test and refine. Once you have a plan and have implemented it, study what works and what doesn’t. There is a lot of advice online, but nothing beats good old fashion testing. Try different offers, bundle various products and services, run sales from time-to-time. Once you have an offering that takes off, run it every 30 days. Refine your process and improve the parts of your plan that aren’t working.

5. Launch and scale. By this point, you will have built “1,000 true fans” and a business that’s ripe for growth. Always launch with a bang when your promotions hit at the end of each month or quarter. This means you have affiliate partners, joint partnerships through webinars and launch bonuses. Each launch should produce serious revenue and momentum for your business. From that point, it’s a matter of reinvesting and scaling.

Starting and growing an online business is not easy. There is a lot of competition talking about the same topics as you. It takes time and tremendous focus. It takes beating self-limiting beliefs and the haters. It’s hard, but the lifestyle of true freedom it creates is priceless.

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Photo: Flickr/ Daniel Foster

This article originally appeared in Entrepreneur Magazine.

A Life of Freedom

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Words can’t describe how I feel right now. It’s a mixture of happiness, overwhelm, joy, gratitude, and 100 other emotions. I speak in Las Vegas on Friday, but it’s Wednesday, and I fulfilled a bucket list item last night. I got to attend a Taylor Swift concert!

If you know me, you know I’m a HUGE Taylor fan, like a mega crazy fan. When I saw that I would be coming to the lower 48, I knew this was my chance to see her concert. I went to the 1989 tour stop in Louisville, Kentucky. I’m writing this from the airport.

To be able to do this, to be able to live the life I’m living now is overwhelming.

There were times during those 12 years of struggle that I thought committing suicide would be easier. I have a wife and beautiful children, but the struggle was too much at times. I would wake up to find the IRS had taken every dollar we had out of our bank account, leaving us wondering how we would feed our kids.

Dan Miller’s book, 48 Days to the Work You Love, was my lifeline. If I hadn’t found it in Half Price Books, I don’t think I would be where I am today. That book gave me hope and showed me that my dreams were possible if I did something about them.

Today, I’m living a life of freedom. To be able to attend this concert, speak, and fly all over the country—not worrying about finances—is surreal. More than that, I made money passively. I don’t say this to brag, but to encourage. I know many of you are on this journey and going through that struggle. I hope these words are to you what Dan Miller’s book was to me.

Focus and Consistency

Each of our dreams will be different. “Success” will be different for each of us, but I think we can all agree that freedom is what we’re striving for in our lives. We long to live life on our terms without worrying about the typical life stressors. If you’re doing something about that dream, it can and WILL happen. 

A lot of times, it’s a matter of focus and taking consistent action. I think it’s funny when I do an interview and a question comes up about my secret strategy. Often, we want to know the “one or two things” that can be done to accelerate our progress—they don’t exist. Success comes down to how you focus the time you have, and whether you consistently do all the little things it takes.

After the Conference  

I’m home now—it’s Tuesday. I spoke on Friday, was on a panel on Saturday, and had one-on-one sessions with the VIP attendees. The talk was well received, and I was asked to come speak next year. The thing that surprised me the most about the conference was money.

I talked to authors who spent $20,000 to get their book published and have only sold a handful of copies. I spoke to beginning authors who have no clue where to start. I saw other speakers sell generic programs, but had lines out the door. It was scary and a little depressing.

It happens in every industry, but some of the crap that happens in ours makes me sad. If there’s a take away from this post, here it is: Be VERY careful what you spend money on—even with me.

Do your research. Talk to other people who have worked with a coach you’re thinking about hiring or who have taken a course you want to take. Look at the results that person has gotten in their life. If they’re teaching you about online business, what does their success look like? If someone is teaching you how to self-publish, how well have their books done? Research is your best friend.

The Summer I Became a Man

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I had to grow up pretty quickly. At 17, I was kicked out of my home. I was a teenager who should have been thinking about hanging out with my buddies, but instead, I was worried about where I would sleep at night. I tried to be responsible and go to high school while working three jobs.

It became too much to handle Algebra, crazy coworkers and the uncertainty of my living situation. When something had to give, it was high school because I needed to make money to survive. I dropped out of high school at 17. As I walked out of those doors, I could see every dream I had dying.

It wasn’t all bad news because, at one of my jobs, I met the woman who would become my wife. We were married the day after I turned 18. We started our lives together, and she encouraged me to go back and get my G.E.D.—I did.

We built a solid foundation and had our first child a year after we married. We had a second and third child before I turned 25. During that time, I went through a series of jobs—13 to be exact. Each one did pay more than the last, but none of them were fulfilling. My life was a routine; I had no clue what it meant to actually live life.

Something inside me snapped when I hit my twenties. I got married young and didn’t have a chance to do what youngster’s normally do. I suddenly wanted to go to clubs, drink more and get into mischief with my buddies. It started slow, but I have an addictive personality, so things escalated.

I found myself coming to work drunk, which wasn’t good because I drove a truck. I would party all night and was a zombie through life. I wasn’t around for my wife or children; there was a stretch where they didn’t know me. When I was home, I was a jerk. I don’t know why my wife stayed with me.

Life went on this way until 2011. The beginning part of that year was when everything came crashing down on my head. I was 170 pounds overweight, we were $180,000 in debt, I had a business that was falling apart, and my wife finally had enough. We separated that year on the way to a quick divorce because of my cheating. The truth is she should have left me a long time ago. I was not a man. I had no clue what it meant to be a man.

I sat there on the living room floor of a friends house crying. My car had just been repossessed, and I didn’t have a single penny to my name. After crying most of the morning, I started to think about my life. I had the most honest conversation I had ever had with God and myself. I knew that I wanted a better life, but it seemed impossible to get from where I was to where I wanted to be.

The Shift

I knew that if I was going to change, there had to be a shift in my mind. I had to stop being skeptical of “success;” I had to stop waiting for permission, and I had to formulate a plan. Changing the way I thought about my life, and what I wanted it to be, helped me take the first steps towards a better life.

I became a man in the summer of 2011 because I realized that life was more than just fulfilling my selfish needs. I became a man when I took responsibility for the choices I was making. I became a man when I went back home and put my wife and kids first. I became a man when I stopped making excuses and scarified wants for needs.

It took a long time to convince my wife that I wasn’t the jerk she had come to hate. It took a long time to reconnect with my kids, but I did. Thank God my family forgave me. I wake up every day realizing how blessed and lucky I am that things turned out differently. I know it doesn’t work out this way for a lot of guys.

It took three years, but I lost the weight, paid off all the debt, and moved our family to our dream destination of Maui, Hawaii. We wake up everyday living a life we were convinced wasn’t possible because of who I was.

Guys, if you are where I was for all those years, STOP! It may be fun to party, drink and sleep around, but it gets old, and life is too short to waste it on moments of pleasure. There is more to life than what makes us feel good.

Create a business or get a job you love, stay healthy, live where you will be happy. Choose to love every day and back that decision up by the actions you take. Live life fully present. Live each day as if it were the last because it may be. This is YOUR life, and you only get one shot to make it count. I became a man in 2011 and remember what life is like every time I’m tempted to slip. I’m going to make my life count.

Stop waiting for permission to live the kind of life you want to live and do all the things that seem impossible. It’s NOT easy and it will take time–a lot of time–but your dream life is worth the struggle. Don’t let doubt, fear, or the negative voices of others keep you skeptical of what’s possible.

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Photo: Flickr/ Pablo Fernández

This article originally appeared on the Good Men Project.