Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 35

4 Ways for Entrepreneurs to Cultivate Their Writing

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Social media, self-publishing, and the Internet have created an amazing new opportunity to spread our words far and wide. Entrepreneurs can take thoughts out of their head, and put them into words that change people’s lives.

This new opportunity has been a blessing and a curse. Today, everything is short and punchy. A tweet is fewer than 140 characters, no one reads long Facebook updates, and blog posts have to be fewer than 1,000 words to hold people’s attention.

“Write good copy,” is the new buzz phrase. Everywhere you look is a new copywriting expert. You’re told the copy on your website has to be appealing to your target audience. In this movement to write good copy, the art of writing is lost.

Writing is not the same as writing copy, and just because you can do one, doesn’t mean you can do the other. Writing good copy can help your business, but good writing changes lives. Here are four ways entrepreneurs can write more effectively.

1. Cut out the fluff. Some of the greatest writers in history did this well. Vonnegut, Hemingway, King and many other great writers spent an extraordinary amount of time making sure their writing was free of what they considered “extra words.” Your audience will read longer articles and books if they’re free of fluff.

Avoid adverbs. Stephen King says, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” I don’t know if that’s true, but adverbs hurt effective writing. We use them when we’re timid. Don’t be hesitant to state your truth. There will be those who disagree, but your target audience will appreciate it.

Everything you write won’t be fluff-free, but as you work on it, and write more, you can get better. A wise man told me good writers read a lot and write a lot. Do both of these and you’ll develop solid, fluff-free writing.

2. Write for one person. Too often when we write, we’re thinking about the hoards of people who will read our words. We end up writing for this throng of people, which comes off as us preaching with words.

The problem is that the group reads our words as individuals. The group approach doesn’t connect with each person individually. Great writing is very conversational. You write to that person as if they were sitting right next to you.

Effective writing makes your reader feel like you’re speaking directly to them. It makes them feel like you’re addressing a problem they have, that no one knows about. You have to write for one person: your ideal reader. It will be different for each of us, but we started our business to help a specific type of person. Write to them and for them. Stephen King says everything he writes us for one person: his wife.

3. Don’t edit while you write. In his book, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King says, “Writing is refined thinking.” You should have one goal when you initially sit down to write, get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Never edit while you write.

When you’re so attached to your writing, you’ll miss errors if you try to edit while you write. It will take twice as long to write and ruin the flow of the thoughts from your head to paper. Focus on expressing your entire thought, no matter what it looks like.

After you’ve done a brain dump, go back and edit. It would even be a smart idea to take a little break before you edit. Step away from the words and refresh your mind. Come back fresh and see what you missed as you edit. To make things even smoother, come back to your writing a day before the article or blog post goes live to give it one more edit. Days away will help you see what you couldn’t during the first edit.

4. Don’t be afraid to be human. We get short glimpses into each other’s lives through our interactions online. That glimpse, however, doesn’t paint the full picture. It works the same way in our writing.

Too often, we just give people a glimpse into our message when we should be willing to be venerable. Good writing shows people you are human, and that helps your ideal reader connect with you.

Effective writing is vulnerable, honest, paints a picture of the struggle, and lays out a roadmap for success. No one’s life is perfect, why try to pretend? Don’t be afraid to be human in your writing. Many entrepreneurs give the impression that their life is perfect, but no one buys it. When you’re willing, to be honest, no matter how hard it is, you’ll stand out.

There’s been a push to write better copy and ads. You should write good copy and ads. But don’t confuse those bursts with effective writing, and what it can do for your business.

Don’t confuse effective writing with content marketing. Good writing takes your reader to places and feelings they didn’t know they had. It changes lives and gives hopes. Use these tips for better writing, and use better writing to grow your business.

*My new class, Freedom Through Online Business closes soon. This three-week class is only $47 but packed full of value. I would have made it free, but wanted to charge something to make sure we don’t treat this like a hobby.*

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Photo: Flickr/ Nilufer Gadgieva

This article originally appeared in Entrepreneur Magazine.

6 Unhealthy Habits That Lead to Divorce

There is an audio version below.

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Why can’t we remember how intensely in love we felt while going through hard times in our marriage? If only life worked that way but it doesn’t and if a marriage is going to survive, it’s going to take work from each spouse. When you’re in the honeymoon phase most of what happens can be easily forgiven, afterward is when the real work of marriage begins.

My wife and I were married a day after my eighteenth birthday. Family, friends, and wise older couples warned and tried to teach us about what a healthy marriage looks like. We listened here and there but we were in love and ready to take on anything the world would throw at us. We had each other, and that’s all we needed.

You can guess how this story plays. After the honeymoon phase, we weren’t prepared for the day-to-day experience of marriage. We started with a few fights here and there that escalated to full blown shouting matches. I feel sorry for our neighbors because we fought every day.

After years of limping through marriage, we separated. We were in debt and had no hope. We agreed to divorce, and I moved out. One day in 2011, it all hit me at once. I was crying on the floor because my life was a complete mess. I stopped crying and determined to change my life. I was done existing.

It took years, but I lost 170 pounds, quit a job I hated and paid off all our debt. My wife saw it wasn’t just words anymore, so a day before our divorce was supposed to be final, we called it off. This year we celebrate 17 years of marriage. Here are six unhealthy habits that almost led to our divorce and should be avoided in marriage.

1. Putting Your Needs Above Your Spouses

Our natural tendency is to want to make everything about us. We wonder why our spouse isn’t putting our needs first when the reality is that it’s probably the other way around. A wise counselor told us that if you have a problem with your spouse, the problem is really with yourself. Healthy marriages aren’t selfish. They are made up of two spouses who are willing to put the other person’s needs first.

2. Not Deciding to Love Every day

Love is not a feeling. It’s a decision. Feelings come and go, but the decision to love is something you do everyday–even multiple times a day. Feelings are what have you flying on cloud nine during the honeymoon phase. Making the decision to love your spouse every day is what makes a marriage last. When you decide not to give into temptation because you made that commitment, you are making a decision to love. When you put your spouse first, you are making a decision to love.

3. Hidden Resentment

We know in our minds that communication in a marriage is important; yet too often, we don’t do it. We have a problem that we keep to ourselves and let a small issue build into something much deeper. We hold a grudge and carry resentment inside us that forms roots. Before we know it, we’re doing something we regret because we couldn’t talk about it.

4. Mismanaging Your Money

Money fights and money problems end marriages. Money is one of those topics that is very hard to talk about–especially if you don’t have enough. Money isn’t everything and shouldn’t be something we make first place in our life, but you better believe it’s important. There are entire libraries with books that can help you get control of your finances. If you can get your finances under control early on in your marriage, the better chance you have. Talk to your spouse and get on the same page.

5. Letting Your Health Go

Too often in a marriage, spouses let themselves go. We get comfortable and eat a little too much or stop exercising. Your health is vitally important to your life for too many reasons to list. It’s also important to keep a healthy marriage. You can make a decision to love every day, but there has to be some attraction. It’s also not fair to your spouse.

6. Not Being Fully Present

I could talk about putting your phone down when you have date nights or paying attention when your spouse speaks to you, but being fully present goes far beyond. You have to be there, in the moment with your full attention on whatever is happening. We waste so much of our life living distracted. We miss the little moments that make our life and marriage unique.

There are many reasons couples get divorced. There are situations–such as mental or physically abuse–that can and should force a split. If you’re not experiencing a situation that breaks your marriage with no hope of repair, avoid these unhealthy habits. Choose to love every day. The stats about marriage surviving are pretty grim, but they don’t have to apply to your marriage.

*If you need help, and an actionable strategy for starting or growing an online business, my new class, Freedom Through Online Business, can help. This three-week class is only $47 but packed full of value. I would have made it free, but wanted to charge something to make sure we don’t treat this like a hobby :)*

—Photo: Flickr/ smile_kerry

This article originally appeared on the Huffington Post.

 

6 Steps to Becoming a Lifestyle Entrepreneur

There is an audio version alone.

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The Internet has been used by academia since the 1980’s, but in the last fifteen years it has become what we know today. Today, 2.5 billion people log onto the Internet every day, and it’s estimated that the number will double in the next five years

For entrepreneurs looking to start or grow a business, the Internet offers a fairly unlimited and mostly untapped customer base. There are many successful lifestyle entrepreneurs, but they are just scratching the surface of the opportunity that’s available.

A “lifestyle entrepreneur” is an entrepreneur who makes their living online. They don’t have a physical location or need one to operate. All they need is a laptop and connection to the Internet to manage their business. There are several tools and software they use, but they’re portable.

They are not tied down, which allows them to operate their business all over the world. There can also be a passive income element to their business, but it’s not necessary. If they offer services, such as coaching or consulting, they can work over Skype.

If this type of entrepreneurship model appeals to you, here are six steps you can use to become a location-independent lifestyle entrepreneur.

1. Pick a profitable target audience. I’m not going to give you the standard “choose your niche” advice. While being specific can help, it’s not always necessary. Where niching helps is when you get be industry-specific. Idea specific is a lot harder to niche.

The more important point is to make sure your “niche,” or target audience, can afford to pay you. Too many entrepreneurs pick a group that interests them but can’t afford their products and services. You are creating a business; there has to be a potential to generate income with whatever audience you pick.

2. Build a simple foundation. The foundation of a lifestyle entrepreneur’s business is their website. A website, however, will be a constant work in progress and holds too many entrepreneurs back. You don’t need all the fancy widgets and plugins. You don’t need the best looking website in the world. The only way your website hurts you is if it’s too cluttered and confusing. Zen Habits has over a million readers, which proves simple works as long as the content is good.

A foundation has other essential elements:

A strong and active social media presence.

A large emergency fund — just in case and for the slow months.

Tools and software that help grow your business.

Connecting with your audience on a deeper level.

3. Focus on what works for you. The Internet has given us access to success. You see successful lifestyle entrepreneurs talking about what’s working for them and you’re tempted to copy. Successful entrepreneurs model success. They don’t copy.

You have to figure out what works for you and your business. Just because it worked for someone else, doesn’t mean it will help your business. The best things you can do are to test and learn what works. It takes great and strategic focus to build a lifestyle business.

4. Get exposure and grow your audience. Creating a strong social media is one great way to build your audience but there are strategies that could get you better and “20%” results.

Be a guest on podcasts. There are podcasts that get more downloads than radio stations have listeners.

Guest post on other blogs. In 2012, guest posting on 50 different blogs brought 500,000 unique visitors to my website.

Write for large authority sites. Writing for large websites such as the Huffington Post and Entrepreneur have grown my email list from 3,000 people to over 20,000 in less than a year.

These are a few ways to get exposure and build your audience quickly. As the Internet grows, so will the effectiveness of these and other strategies.

5. Offer value and charge what you’re worth. When you provide value through your free content, people will want to dig deeper. Your paid content is what they turn to. Too many entrepreneurs don’t charge based off of the value they provide.

Offer your value by consistently creating free content that’s better than other’s paid content. Charge a fair but profitable price for your premium offerings. Lifestyle entrepreneurs value their time above everything else, so their time is the most expensive service they offer.

6. Study what’s working and scale. Once you have made progress, review what’s working for your business. See where you can make the process smoother and more efficient. Spend your time growing that profitable part of your business and scale the progress.

Focus on what’s working and commit only to learn what will help your lifestyle business grow. Don’t become a victim of information overload. That has crippled many entrepreneurs.

Being a lifestyle entrepreneur has been amazing for me. I enjoy real freedom. I don’t want you to think it’s all roses because there are real challenges. It takes years to build this kind of business, and it can be a roller coaster ride income-wise.

If this type of business appeals to you, know that it’s possible and profitable. Do your homework and use these six steps to building the kind of business that best supports the type of life you want to live.

At the end of the day, this isn’t about money, it’s about freedom in every area of your life. When you experience this freedom, you can live life on YOUR terms.

*If you need help, and an actionable strategy for starting or growing an online business, my new class, Freedom Through Online Business, can help. This three-week class is only $47 but packed full of value. I would have made it free, but wanted to charge something to make sure we don’t treat this like a hobby :)*

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Flickr/ Ed Yourdon

This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur Magazine.

3 Ways to Help Your Spouse Support Your Dream

There is an audio version at the end. 

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One of the most common situations I hear about in the dream chasing journey world is a spouse that isn’t supportive. This can happen for a number of reasons, but more often than not, I find it’s something that can be avoided. We don’t help the situation with certain actions we take.

Now, it can be something from your spouse’s past that has their guard up. Maybe their parent was an entrepreneur and the business failed. Going through that might have soured them towards the whole entrepreneur thing. Maybe it was a family friend.

Often, though, we push our spouse away from our dreams by working too hard or spending too much money trying to get our dream off the ground. I have talked to many dreamers who have spent thousands of dollars on training or coaching, yet are still stuck.

Here are three ways to help your spouse support your dream. A supportive spouse can be the difference between success and failure in your journey to create freedom.

1. Stop Treating This as a Hobby

If you are in the camp of money spent, what are you doing with the information you paid for? Sure, there are a lot of hype-filled programs, but even those can teach you one strategy you can use. We don’t lack for information these days—it’s everywhere—we lack in applying that information in our life and business.

If you have paid, it’s time to stop messing around and apply what you have learned. Even if you have never paid for training, it’s time to use all the information you learn each week on blogs, podcasts, and videos. You know what you need to do. You have read the books that have laid out the plan clearly. It’s time to take action. If you take action on 10% of what you know, the results will surprise you.

Treat your dream as something more than a hobby. Get serious about everything you do. Treat your time as an investment and charge accordingly. Respect how important your health is to your life and take care of it. Have a clear focus on what you will be doing every day with your “dream time.”

Make some money. At the end of the day, money is what makes this more than a hobby—unless you’re starting a non-profit. You can talk all you want, but if you’ve spent thousands and made zero, your words won’t mean anything. Treat this as a business and show your spouse the potential by generating some income.

2. Have a Plan and Clearly Communicate It  

If you want your spouse to support your dream, you must have at least a clue what you’re doing. When I say, “a plan,” I mean a step-by-step plan to make it from where you are now to your dream. Do you want to be supported by freedom in your work? OK, by when? How will you transition? How much money will you need to make?

Show your spouse that plan. Sit them down and show them how serious you are about executing that plan. Show your family the plan and ask them for their help. The better you communicate, the more they can start to understand and get excited.

3. Don’t Put the Dream Above Your Family

Your dream has to fit into your life, not your life into your dream. The life part has to come first, which means your family. I realize you want to work hard, but not at the risk of turning your family away from your dream. Always put your family first.

It’s hard work chasing your dream. It’s even harder when you have a spouse that’s not supportive. It doesn’t have to be that way if you show them why this is important and how this will benefit your family. To wake up every day and do what you love is amazing and worth the struggle.

Help your spouse understand the dream and back up what you’re saying with action. This week, have a conversation with your spouse. If they are already resistant, take it slow. They love you and want you to succeed, so it’s always an option to get them behind you. It starts with you getting clear and having a plan.

Audio version:

How have you gotten your spouse to be supportive of your dream?

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Photo: Flickr/ Nathan Colquhoun

 

Teaching My Boys By My Example, Not My Words

There is an audio version at the end.

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Before we get into today’s post, I wanted to let you know my TEDx talk is LIVE! You can watch it here

Our son and first child was born when I was nineteen years old. I thought I was ready for fatherhood, but I quickly found out that you can never fully prepare. I looked at this little person, sleeping in his crib and started dreaming about the future he could have. I wanted him to have and do everything I didn’t and couldn’t experience in life.

I had an “interesting” upbringing. When I was 14 years old, my parents started attending a very conservative church. Our way of life changed. We weren’t allowed to watch TV, we couldn’t date, we couldn’t listen to secular music, and a lot of other legalistic rules.

I lived that way until I was 17 and rebelled. I was a teenage boy who was in love with every girl he met. I was caught more times than I can count sneaking off to talk to girls–talk, not sex. My parents said if I didn’t follow the rules I had to leave. I moved out at 17.

I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I started living on the streets. I was homeless for six months—I lived in shelters, in alleys, and on friend’s couches. I tried to keep a normal life during all of this but it wasn’t working. I got three jobs and had to drop out of high school to survive.

I met the woman who would become my wife that year while working at Burger King. We were married six months after we met. Her parents allowed me to move in with them.

We got our act together and rented our place. She told me I had to finish my high school education–so I got my G.E.D. We learned how to get along as a young married couple, and had our son a year later.

Getting married young was hard, throwing a child into the mix made the situation seem unbearable at times. We fought like cat and dogs and separated a few times. We talked, learned, and finally understood. We survived the hard years. We ended up having two more children—another boy and a baby girl.

In 2011, things came to a breaking point. We were $180,000 in debt to the I.R.S., I was 170 pounds overweight, and we hated life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (No offense to Milwaukee, it just wasn’t for us).

That year we agreed to completely change our life, and I knew it started with me. I was the dad; I was the one everyone looked to for leadership. I had to step up.

While my children were growing up, I always told them their dreams were possible. I told them to “shoot for the stars” and chase every dream they had in their heart. When I thought about my life, I realized they weren’t seeing what I was telling them. I told them to shoot for the stars, and I wasn’t even shooting for the clouds.

I knew that actions spoke louder than words, and my action showed weren’t showing them what’s possible. I was a hypocrite, and if things continued, my children could end up following my example.

I started a journey in 2011 to radically change my life. It took three years, but I lost 170 pounds, I quit a job I hated to write full-time. I wrote a book that became a Publishers Weekly best-selling book called, Are You Living or Existing? 9 Steps to Change Your Life. We grew our marriage stronger, and we fulfilled our biggest dream of moving from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Maui, Hawaii.

We accomplished all of our big goals and showed our children by our example that their dreams ARE possible. We’ve been living our dream life for a few years now, and our children are absorbing it.

What example are you setting?

Whenever someone hears my story or a story like mine, they are automatically skeptical. They pick those stories apart to see if that person had some advantage or a lucky break. Maybe it’s how much the media focuses on negative news, but they’re skeptical of success and their dreams.

Success isn’t a mystery, and there are no overnight successes. When you see that inspiring story, there’s probably a backstory of someone who busted their butt to make that dream their reality.

There are exceptions to the rule, but those aren’t what’s usually seen or experienced. Success leaves clues, and the biggest is that you have to work hard to change your life and live your dream.

Success will be different for each of us. For me, success meant hitting my three primary goals. For you, it might mean something different. I can’t tell you what your success should look like, you have to get honest with yourself about what you want for your life. If I had to define success in one word, I would say success is freedom. Creating freedom to live on your terms and spend your time doing the things that are important to you.

You can live your dreams. You can accomplish significant goals that seem impossible. When you do, your children learn that their dreams are possible too. Don’t just tell your kids what’s possible with words. Your actions are going to speak louder.

Change is hard, and it will take time, but it is possible. You can teach your kids by your example. Life is short, and we only get one chance to make this time count. Take action today.

What are you teach your kids?

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This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.

Flickr/ Alexander N

You Are Worth a Million Dollars

In the audio blog, I answer a listener’s question about couples fighting. 

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When I think about what it takes to create freedom in our lives, I get a little sad. If you’re an author, you’re told to make your book free from time to time and cheaper the rest of the time. If you’re a speaker, you’re told you can’t get a $10,000 speaking fee. If you’re a blogger, podcaster, or coach, you’re told to work for free to get testimonials and referrals.

While access and information have become more attainable, the value of what we offer has been driven down. The thinking is that if people can get it for free, why would they pay for it? I have coached, talked to, and witnessed too many dreamers fall victim to this line of thinking. This line of thinking adds to our self-limiting beliefs and keeps many of us from creating the life we truly want to live.

I have coached over 127 hours for free. I have written 400 blog posts on this blog. I have interviewed on over 150 podcast interviews. I have written 150 articles for large websites and blogs. I have spoken at 20 events for free. I have given away enough knowledge that a dreamer can use to create freedom and not have to hire me.

I’m guessing you have a similar story because this is the path we’re conditioned to take. For authors alone, the KDP Select free days have been forced feed as the only way to sell books today. It’s sad and concerning. Through private Facebook messages, email, and other avenues, we are constantly asked advice that we should be charging for.

I don’t have a fancy outline for this post or even a structured thought. I’m writing this to simple tell you that you are worth more—a million dollars even. You may not have a degree or some fancy certification, but you have valuable knowledge through your life experiences. That experience leads you to an understanding that others would pay to learn. That shouldn’t be free.

Free comes through blogs, podcasts, videos, and free webinars. Free comes through social media updates and through those you choose to invest your time into as a gift. You don’t give away your knowledge unless you want to help someone you believe in—it’s not a monetization strategy.

You Can Do This

I have spoken to many of you who want to write, podcast or speak. Many of you want to spread a message, but fear has held you back. How can you get over the fear, doubt, or self-limiting beliefs?

Focus on WHY you want to do this and WHO you want to help. When we experience fear, we’re focused on how we’re affected: people will hate on us, laugh at us, or not get it. When you shift the focus to WHO you want to help, all those personal ways you could be affected don’t matter because you see how important it is to spread your message.

You have this burning desire and dream inside of you for a reason. Focus on that reason and how you can impact someone’s life. Don’t make this about you. When you get that realization, understand that your time is your most valuable resource and shouldn’t be given away for free.

You are worth more than you think. You are worth every dollar you charge if your focus is adding value to people’s lives. If you’re coming from a place of service, you will succeed. If your heart is in the right place, don’t be afraid to get what your worth. Let’s stop giving away our value.

Once I understood this concept, the impossible happened for me. This year I booked a $10,000 speaking contract. This year my second traditionally published book drops. This year I had my first $35,000 month. This year I said NO to opportunities that didn’t see or understand my value. This year I chose to see it.

I hope you will, too.

Audio version:

Do you need to see your value better?

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Photo: Flickr/ Dennis’ Photography

 

Focus on What Will Help You

In the audio blog, I answer a four-part question about KDP Select and self-publishing.

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I’m a little stressed out. Every time I log onto Facebook, I’m bombarded with ads about how you can “write and publish a #1 best-selling book in eight weeks.” Or, how “you can get a cheat sheet a particular guru used to make seven figures.” The ads make crazy claims, and the sad thing is people buy those programs like they’re going out of style.

When I started building my dream, I was desperate. I wanted to make progress quicker. I figured if I invested money into one of these programs, I would make progress. You know my story so you know I got hustled. The sad truth is that there is a lot of lying happening in the online space.

To be fair, maybe I just picked the wrong programs. There are a lot of good programs out there. But, in general, the ones that we see the most—like through Facebook ads—are the ones that won’t help us. They might work when we reach a certain level, but, in general, they aren’t relevant to where we are in our journey.

In the Middle

I was listening to a conference and the speaker was someone I greatly respect. He has released four New York Times best-selling books, and I have had the pleasure of attending two of his live events. I have heard his story several times, but for some reason, something caught my attention as he was telling it as this event.

He talked about the fact that before he got started with his lifestyle business, he was a consultant at Accenture. If you’re not familiar with the company, watch any major golf event. They are a consulting and strategy company worth $62 billion dollars. The average salary is $93,101 a year.

He left that job to consult, coach and speak. I don’t know what his finances looked like, but I think it’s a fair guess that he had some money and a lot of knowledge from his former job. The point being: he had a good head start.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but for most of us, we will begin this journey living comfortable or paycheck-to-paycheck. I learned a lot at his conference, but it wasn’t relevant to where I was at because I didn’t have the money to spend on all the systems he recommended.

I would LOVE to use Infusionsoft, but at an average of $2,000 just to set up, that was out of my reach. Hiring a web designer for $3,000 to build a custom website, that was out of my reach. Spending $4,000 with a developer to set up my online course, app, or some other monetization method, was out of my reach. When I started, I cut my neighbor’s grass just to afford the $900 it took to design my website and put my eBook together. That’s where most people who read my blog are at.

Most of us are in the middle. This means we have to stop learning from people who are teaching things that are far beyond our level. Sure, listen to that podcast if you want, but realize it’s more for pleasure. We have to stop trying to copy what they do and how they look because we don’t have the money just yet. How many people have you seen doing income reports that are making less than $2,000 a month? When a potential client sees that they won’t be impressed, and it will scare them away from hiring you. They will hire the person who’s making over $10,000 a month because that’s where they want to be.

Embrace the middle. Learn from those who are just a step or two ahead of you. Stop dreaming and start focusing on what will help you where you are in the journey. Focus on how you can be unique and add value. If you want to learn from those who are way ahead of you, study their mindset—try to understand how they think and how that affects the actions they take.

My goal is for everyone who reads this to experience freedom in his or her work, health, and relationships by the end of the year. The only way to get there is by focusing on what will help you make progress. Focus, value, and action will get you there.

Audio version:

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Photo: Flickr/ Michael Dales

 

Your Attitude Affects Your Dream

In the audio version, I answer the question of why I’m not taking coaching clients. 

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I have a confession to make: I’m a jerk. Well, not all the time, but I have been acting like a jerk since about February. I’d like to just fix my mistake and put on a good front for you, but I don’t believe in being fake. I would also love help with accountability.

I’ve worked hard to get here. Where, you ask? A lifestyle of complete freedom in my work, health, and relationships. It took almost three years of working 60-hour weeks delivering bread and building this on the side to get here. You would think now that I’m here life is all good, but I’ve made a problem that wasn’t there.

I will always remember where I came from and how hard I worked to get here. When someone who is doing the same thing reaches out to me, I will respond. People have told me I feel approachable and I hope that’s how I come across to you because I am approachable. I love talking to people who are on the hustle.

Lately though, I haven’t lived up to what I’ve put out there. Since I was a guest on Smart Passive Income with Pat Flynn, my platform has grown. That appearance brought thousands of new friends here. As you can imagine, many have reached out through email, Facebook messages, and Twitter. I should be happy because this is what I’ve worked so hard for, but I let it go to my head.

Lately, when people have reached out, I’ve gotten irritated. I look at the messages and everything I have on my plate, and feel burdened and stressed. I have allowed my attitude to shift from what I’m blessed with to what I HAVE to do. By making it an attitude of “have to,” I’ve turned away from what got me here.

I’m sorry.

I have seen a lot of heroes I greatly respect become untouchable as they have grown their platform. As they have turned away from their fans, I have gotten a lesson in how not to build. I always want to be here for anyone who’s going through what I went through. I will never forget all the friends who have helped me get here by letting me guest post, allowing me to be on their podcast, buying anything from me, or offering encouraging words. I will NEVER forget where I came from.

So again, I have been a jerk who’s slipped in these last four months, can you forgive me?

I do want to make something clear. There is a difference between reaching out and getting to know each other, and free coaching. I have coached 127 free hours in my career, so I have paid my dues. I would love to chat, but where it crosses the line is when someone asks for advice that my clients pay me to help them with. It’s not fair to them.

Watch Your Attitude

Yes, I know. I’m hardly one to talk but this experience has shown me that your attitude affects your dream. If you see things as what you have to do instead of what you’re blessed to do, it affects the actions you take.

Every day we breathe air is a good day. We aren’t guaranteed any days, so it’s a miracle when we wake up and can live. Our attitude should be joy. I’m not saying you have to walk around with a smile on your face every day, or never get angry, but overall we shouldn’t view life as one big to-do list.

Never forget where you came from and how hard you worked to get to where you are. Always welcome those who are on the same journey as you. Think about how hard it is for them to move past their fears and reach out to you. It’s a privilege.

Lesson learned on my part, now time to back it up with action. I wake up every day and experience true freedom so my attitude will reflect that gift. Thank you for being here and thank you for letting me be a little part of your journey.

Audio version:

Has your attitude ever affected your dream?

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Photo: Flickr/ Ben Raynal

 

I’m a Recovering Procrastinator

There is an audio version at the end. 

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When you’re hustling hard while building your dream on the side, you use every bit of time you have wisely. You get a very limited amount of time to get everything accomplished, and you realize if you’re going to live your dream, you better not mess around during that time. When you are living your dream, however, it can be a different story.

My first days of freedom were in the beginning part of 2013. I could finally get a full eight hours of sleep after working 60 to 80 hours weeks delivering bread for 12 years. I had the blessing of waking up those January mornings knowing I was doing what I love.

The first few days were weird. Most of the time I didn’t know what I should be doing. I went from having NO real free time to having WAY too much. I started each morning writing my fingers off, by midday, I was on the couch watching daytime soap operas. I did get some things accomplished but not as much as when I had my day job.

Over time, I figured out a balance and got more accomplished, but I have to be honest, I still suck. I’m a recovering procrastinator who has to battle for productivity every day. A lot of people say, “I don’t know how you get so much done.” I think, “Really?” If you followed me day-to-day, you would be disappointed.

I’m not writing this post because I have figured out how to beat procrastination. I’m writing this to ask for accountability and let you know we all have the same struggles. While you may think I write a lot and accomplish much, I don’t. I could write a book every week if I stopped slacking.

My wife goes to work, my kids go to school, and I have eight hours to myself during weekdays. Yes, I do have coaching clients. Yes, I do have consulting work, but I could be doing so much more.

A Few Lessons

I have been thinking about this the past few weeks. Here’s what I’ve observed about procrastination.

1. You have to form good habits. The key to success and change is having good habits. I’ve seen this in my weight loss and other areas of my life. To beat procrastination, I have to come up with a productive schedule each day and keep up with it. I have to start slow and keep building good habits. My friend Alex tells me it takes 66 days to form a habit. Forming good habits will benefit your life and productivity.

2. Drink more water. I haven’t looked at the stats, but I’m guessing they’ll back this up. I can tell you from personal experience when I drink coffee or a sugary drink, I feel like I have less energy. Drinking more water throughout the day helps me and keeps me energized.

3. Stay accountable. Besides this post and help from all of you, I have a coach and several masterminds that I remain accountable to. Sometimes you just need people in your life that will call you out.

4. Do the things you dread first. There are a lot of things I still dread doing—especially uncomfortable stuff like dealing with money stuff. I’ve found I can do that stuff first and look forward to doing what I enjoy later.

5. Do it anyways. Sometimes you just have to do what needs to get done. If you don’t, nothing will get accomplished. This is life, and we’re adults, we have responsibilities that need to take care of.

Life is short. Time is too precious to waste procrastinating. It’s something we all struggle with and can always work on. I’m going to make a conscious effort the rest of this year. I hope you’ll join me.

It sucks when you’re building a dream on the side, and there’s a lot to do. It’s easy to give into the temptation to put off what you need to accomplish. That won’t help get you to your dream.

Audio version: 

How do you handle procrastination?

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Photo: Flickr/ Jessica Quinn

7 Promises to Prove I Love You

There is an audio version at the end.

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The day we met was the first time in my life that I thought I would have a heart attack. Your beauty was stunning, but your overall presence was too much for me to handle.

We were young, 17 and 18 years old, but I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I had never been the kind of person to believe in love at first sight, but I was head-over-heels in love. I knew I loved you before you ever said a word to me.

You hated me at first, but we got to know each other, and you started to feel the same way. Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. I’m tearing up as I think about it.

I wish the story ended there, but getting married young had its challenges. We struggled with getting to know each other and communicating. We struggled with money and my weight issues.

We separated and almost went through a divorce. We called it off and found a way back to each other. As we celebrate 17 years of marriage, there are seven promises I need to make to you. These are my vows for the rest of the time we have on this earth together.

1. I promise to put you first

When we said, “I do,” there were vows I made to you. I promised to put you first, but the truth is I haven’t. I reaffirm my promise, but this time I will follow through. I will put your needs above my own. I will give you first place in my heart and life.

2. I promise to remember I’m the problem

A wise counselor told us that if you have a problem with your spouse, the problem is with yourself. I know this but have made it seem like you’re the problem. Instead of making a big deal about things that won’t matter in the grand scheme of things, I’ll work through my issues on my own. They aren’t major and aren’t important.

3. I promise never to cheat on you

I love you more than life itself, and will not allow myself to get to a place that puts me in a situation that leads to infidelity. You have my heart, mind, and body. I will prove my love to you by not sharing them with another. My lips and body are only designed to work with your lips and body; I will keep it that way.

4. I promise to communicate

In the past, I have tried to be “Superman” and keep what I’m dealing with in my business and life to myself. I promise to let you in and get your opinion. Your perspective gets first place, and I will make sure I honor it. I promise not to go to sleep if I haven’t communicated adequately.

5. I promise NEVER to get physical with you

You are precious and delicate, and the one thing I can’t live without. I promise never to get physical with you. I’m not talking about hitting, I promise to never even make a gesture towards you in anger. I promise to have a better way to deal with my temper.

6. I promise not to be jealous or controlling

In the past, I have struggled with being an insecure, controlling jerk. It’s been some time, but I want to reaffirm my commitment to never again fall victim to these tendencies. I will give you the space you need and trust you. You have given me no reason not to.

7. I promise to choose love every day

Over these last 16 years, we have learned first hand that love isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision. I promise to choose to love every day. I will ignore my feelings, which come and go. I will choose to wake up each day and honor the commitment I made.

I haven’t always been the ideal husband—I know that’s an understatement. Thank you so much for staying with me. I don’t deserve it but thank you for staying. I promise to honor what we’ve built together. I know words are cheap, so I’ll shut up and honor these commitments with action. No more talk, my love will be proven by honoring these seven promises.

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Photo: Flicker/ Jon Rawlinson

This article originally appeared on The Good Men Project.