Kimanzi Constable's Blog, page 32

It’s Time to Change What You Believe is Possible

P.S. I have since booked this gig, gotten 75% of the payment upfront, and have gotten my travel/hotel booked. 

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I’ve hesitated to write this post because as soon as you read it, you’ll say something like, “Thanks for the reminder.” Now, I know you don’t mean it in a negative way, but if you think this a reminder, you’re missing something very important in your life. If you are already living your “dream life,” this may be a reminder for you to smile about while you think about how far you’ve come. If you’re not, then I hope this is more than a reminder.

The truth is, we limit our self, our dreams, and what we believe is possible. I wish you were here with me, I’m screaming inside as I write this. Life and opportunities are SO much bigger than we understand. When I had my first $1,500-month in my online business, I was actually afraid. I thought it was a fluke or that people would ask for a refund. This year, I’ve had five-figure weeks. Not months, weeks. I don’t say this or show you this screen shot to brag. I want you to see that someone just like YOU is doing what you want to do. I want you to see that a bread guy from Wisconsin who had NO formal training built this dream. You can do this, too.

I want it to sink in that this isn’t a hobby. This isn’t something that you’ll forever be doing for free. You CAN make your online business dreams of freedom your reality. BUT, it will never happen unless you stop limiting what you believe and go beyond the “pond you swim in.”

Go After the Mainstream Opportunities

In the last two weeks, I’ve signed contracts to speak at events in Madrid, Spain, Marrakech, Morocco, Bangkok, Thailand, Tel Aviv, Israel, and London, England. The companies who are putting on the events are paying for my flights, hotels, an allowance for food, and paying me speaking fees ranging from $10,000 to $20,000. Again, please know that I don’t tell you this to brag; I believe in transparency. I also think it’s helpful to see the behind-the-scenes of creating a “Lifestyle” business. This is the kind of stuff I wish I would have seen/learned when I was building this business.

All of the events found me through one of my Entrepreneur Magazine, Fox News, or Huffington Post articles. They read my articles, checked out my articles in other publications such as Business Insider, and Addicted 2 Success.

I have sought out events and sent in proposals in the past. This year, I have spoken six times—all over the country. Every event this year sought me out. As I have consistently written articles every week, they continue to get a wider distribution as they get shared over and over again. It’s reached a tipping point.

The Importance of Exposure

I love Tim Ferriss’ podcasts. I’m a fan of Michael Hyatt’s blog. However, if I walked down my street (or yours) and asked people if they knew who either of these two incredible people are, 99% of those people would not. They are known and “famous” to us (in the online space), but they don’t have mainstream celebrity/name recognition. Ask the same people who Brad Pitt, Anderson Cooper, or Simon Cowell are—every one of them would be known.

There’s an important point here that has made all the differences in my business and perspective this year. Once I started focusing on getting exposure in mainstream publications that have name recognition, I was able to get exposure to mainstream opportunities.

I’m a fan of the New Media Expo conference. But guess what, they don’t pay speakers (maybe the Keynote speaker). I live on Maui, and it’s expensive to fly. If I’m going to speak, I want to get compensated. Yes, you can get business and network at an event like that, but what if you could do those things AND get paid?

When I focused on building in the online space—blogs, podcasts, and video interviews—I couldn’t go after mainstream opportunities because I didn’t have the social proof these opportunities are looking for.

Don’t get me wrong; I think you should “be everywhere” as Pat Flynn would say. You should guest post on blogs, get interviewed on podcasts, and network with other entrepreneurs online. BUT, you should also get exposure in mainstream publications—such as the Huffington Post and Entrepreneur Magazine—because these are household names that everyone knows and understands. This is especially important if you want to speak, consult and sell books.

This isn’t a case of either/or. This is a case of AND.

The more you can get mainstream exposure when building a lifestyle dream, the more doors will be opened to you. As you publish articles/podcasts on large publications, you will get your name out there and get the social proof to pursue bigger opportunities.

Today, I can pitch a conference or company and tell them I’m a contributing writer for places they read and know. That didn’t happen back in the day when I said I guest posted for “so and so’s” blog. See the difference? Use both strategies because the blog’s are targeted readers. Mainstream publications give you mainstream exposure. They compliment each other nicely.

You Can GO BIG

What I’ve done IS duplicatable. You can speak and get paid $10,000. You can book a $4,000 a month consulting contract. You don’t have to bust your butt just to make $1,000 a month setting up websites. You can reach far beyond this pond of the “Internet space” that we’re all used to swimming in. There is SO much more and it can be so much more rewarding. It’s possible when you do the work. It’s possible with focused effort on the things that will help YOUR dream.

You have a choice to make. NO, it won’t be easy. Yes, it will take time to make all of this happen, but the important principle that will get you here is focus. Focus on getting out of the overlap that happens when you go after the same blogs, podcasts, and trying to network with the same people on top. There’s SO much more outside of this space.

What is one opportunity that you would like to make happen in the next year?

P.S. I have good news. SO many of you have asked me how to get exposure through large media publications. You want to know how to get accepted and how you can leverage them to increase your business. I have finally created a course to help you do just that; it’s called, Exposure Through Large Publications.

This class (Yes, it’s a live class) doesn’t start until I get back from speaking in Spain and Morocco in October, but I have opened registration. The class is not cheap, and I wanted to give anyone who’s interested time to plan. Don’t worry; I have packed this class with a ton of value. AND, it’s a live class. Eight people have already purchased Check it out. Email me if you have questions. Get published on large media publications and leverage them. This class can help.

It Only Took Four Years to Become an Overnight Success

There is an audio version below.

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I’ve had some cool wins recently. In the last two weeks, I’ve booked six international speaking gigs, a $2,000-a-month consulting contract (my third consulting contract with a company), and started working with sixteen new coaching clients. It’s been a great start to September!

I’ve gotten a lot of emails and private messages asking what’s the secret to getting speaking gigs, new clients, making money online, and signing consulting contracts. I always have the same answer: there is no secret; you just have to do the work. It’s not sexy, and a lot of people will check out at that point, but it’s the truth.

The Struggle

I hate sharing my wins. I have seen countless Facebook ads advertising the “laptop lifestyle” or how someone can “become a seven-figure Internet Marketer.” Those ads make me sick. I have friends and clients who have spent thousands of dollars only to be disappointed by the hype. One new client spent $25,000 on an influencer we all know and got in legal trouble because of the advice he received.

I don’t want to share my wins because I don’t want to be put in the same category as the scammers. The only reason I share wins is because so many of you reach out and tell me that seeing the wins helps you keep going when you want to give up. Other than that, I would keep wins to friends and myself.

I didn’t leave a six-figure corporate job and pay thousands of dollars for connections and influencer’s to build my dream. I built this dream/business while living paycheck-to-paycheck and taking out PayDay loans to survive. I know what it’s like to want it so bad, but not make any money. I know what it’s like to do all the things the expert’s tell you to do, but you still can’t seem to make any progress. I have the tee shirt to prove it!

The Secret

In interviews, and through messages, I‘m asked about the “secret strategy” that helped break into freedom. I’m asked about the “one or two things I did that helped me.” I wish there were some secret formula because I would give it to you for free, but there isn’t. There’s just the work.

“The work” will have a different meaning depending on what you’re doing, but it’s how you get opportunities. There are no secret strategies that will allow you to make two moves and BAM; you’re living the dream! The Facebook ads that promise you that–through a spammy course–are lying. It takes hard and focused work on the things that will help your next steps.

For me, I’ve sent out over 300 speaking proposals. I’ve written over 500 articles/guest posts. I’ve been interviewed on over 100 podcasts. I’ve gotten featured anywhere I can. I’m now getting a few opportunities because of all the work I’ve put in. It only took four years to become an overnight success.

Want Freedom?  

If you are stuck and want to break free—stop what you’re doing. I don’t know your situation, but I would venture to guess you’re consuming too much information. You’re subscribed to too many email lists. You’re watching too many videos and listening to too many podcasts. You’re getting information overload on a daily basis, and it’s paralyzing you from taking action.

Every expert has something different to say, and it’s often contradictory. By consuming all that info, you’re not giving yourself a chance to take action on what will help you. For 99% of people reading or listening to this, you need to build an audience. It doesn’t matter how good your stuff looks, if you don’t have an audience, you won’t be able to make any money. And, social media is not an audience; your primary audience is the people on your email list. Social media is a rented platform.

That’s my secret. I built an audience through getting exposure. I created things people bought, and I scaled it. After four years of hard work, the opportunities are finding me. Do the work. Focus. Stop learning and take action. Then, you will also become a four-year overnight success.

Audio version: 

Where are you at in your dream chasing journey?

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Photo: Flickr/ Climbing the Coxcomb

 

How I Overcame the Overwhelming Desire to Quit

There is an audio version below.

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I’ve gotten a lot of questions recently about what it was like when I first started down this road to the life I live now. My friends William, Chaka, and David were the only ones there at the beginning. They witnessed the good, the bad, and the downright depressing. A lot of you want to know how I got through those times.

I get emails every day from dreamers who are going through it right now. There are spouses who have reached their limit with the money you’ve spent building your dream. There is the frustration of working hard and not making any or much money. There is the envy of other dreamers who seem to be getting opportunities left and right. It’s hard to build a lifestyle business.

It had taken nine months before I made my first dollar in my business. The first dollars were from my first self-published book. It was a bank deposit from Amazon for $16.82. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It wasn’t much money, but it did come from my dream.

The problem was that I had spent thousands of dollars building, so there was some pressure from my wife to make some real money. I made her promise after promise. I was always studying ways to make money. I talked a good game to her, but wasted a lot of time. Over time, her patience wore thin.

With a lack of income from my dream, a stressful home life, the lack of money from my day job, and more bills than I could manage, I wanted to quit every single day. I wanted to forget I ever heard about the idea of a lifestyle business and try to make the bread job work. This was too hard.

The Moment That Changed My Perspective

At the end of my bread career, I worked for a guy who was a jerk. He was very controlling and always jealous. When I started my blog and self-published my first book, he thought it was a joke. He even went as far as to copy my blog just to prove he was a better writer than me.

When I did finally make some progress in March of 2012, I told him about it. I thought he would have been happy I was on the path to getting out of working together, but he got even more jealous. I got the chance in June of 2012 to speak at a conference in West Virginia—my first paid event. When I got home, I was excited.

After that event, I started pitching conferences like crazy. I would start sending out ten pitches a week. In 2012, I sent out 180 speaking proposals and ended up speaking 36 times all over the world. I made $22,000 in speaking fees. Since I had to deliver bread during the week, I spoke on the weekends.

I was a weekend warrior; I would fly to countries, speak, and then fly home. It was exciting, but tiring. The moment that changed everything was when I was flying home from speaking in Japan.

The flight was overbooked, and they offered a FREE upgrade to First Class (on an international flight), in addition to a free night in a hotel. I called the guy and begged him to let me take this deal. Can you imagine?? But, he yelled and told me I work for him, and his route was more important. Sadly, I came home. If I knew what I know now, I would have told him I’m staying and forget his route.

That moment of him yelling at me while was at an international airport–after I had just fulfilled a dream–was the motivation I needed to get through everything else that would come at me. When I wanted to quit, I remembered how I felt during that experience. I remembered who I worked for and how badly I wanted to get away. It worked every time.

Your Moment

I’m not a therapist, so I can’t tell if this is healthy, but maybe a moment like that in your life can help you. What I know is that when you get comfortable, you lose the steam you need to push beyond your frustration. When you get complacent, you make excuses why you’re not living your dream. You need a moment or situation that reminds you why you’re chasing the dream and why you want to leave your current situation.

It took two years after that moment in the airport in Japan. It was two years of hating the job and wanting to leave SO bad. I didn’t just haul off and quit because I had a family to support. Don’t quit without a plan. Use your moment to help you get through the times when it would be easier to give up. You got this.

Audio version:

Have you ever had a moment that made you burn with anger?

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Why My Wife Hated My Dream and What Changed Things

There is an audio version below.

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I’d love to tell you that everything was smooth when I built my dream/business. The one thing you hear a lot is that you need support, I didn’t exactly have support in the beginning, but it was all my fault. What started out as my wife supporting me, turned into arguments about why I needed to quit this “hobby.”

In 2011, I discovered the “online world.” The idea of making money from the Internet seemed like the world’s biggest scam to me. I worked with my hands and never touched computers, but reading the story of Amanda Hocking making MILLIONS from her self-published books caught my attention. I started to believe.

I told my wife that I was going to self-publish a book, and she thought it was great. The problems came when I started telling her about the cost of the dream. I had to pay $900 to get a website designed, the book cover done, and the editing of the book. Then, there were other expenses such as hosting for the website, the domain, hiring a coach to help me launch the book, and a few other odds and ends. As the expenses started to add up, she got antsy.

After launching the book and officially have an online business for six months, she wanted to know when the business would start making up the money I spent. Now, I want to make it very clear that everything we talked about, and she asked about, was reasonable. Six months in, I had spent $5,000 and hadn’t made a single dollar. Back then, we didn’t have the money to spend, but I did it anyway.

I kept giving her excuse after excuse and tried to convince her I needed to take a course from a “six-figure” Internet marketer to learn how they did it. Looking back on it now, it’s scary how much money I would have spent to get information that’s freely available if I had just done the research.

I thought spending money was the answer. I thought Pinterest was the answer (that was the new hot thing back then). I thought affiliate marketing was the answer. I thought it was 1,000 other things other than for me to stop talking and start focusing. I think in my mind, I was battling self-limiting beliefs that kept me from what led to income in my dream/business.

Is This Your Hobby?

I treated this as a hobby. I talked about all the things I was “working on.” I chased shiny objects. I listened to all the guru’s because I believed the hype. I justified what I was doing even though inside I knew it didn’t make sense. I forced my wife to hate this dream because what I was doing was hurting our family, not helping.

It’s amazing what you can learn and accomplish with what’s available through blogs, podcasts, and videos–FOR FREE. The truth is; you don’t have to spend a dime to make progress and income from your dream. The right course and coach can help, but only after you’ve done something on your own. You take action. You do the work and then when you need help on your next steps, you take a course or hire a coach that can help you build upon the foundation that you’ve already established.

I have talked to many who read my blog. I know there are several circumstances of a spouse that wants to see that this is more than a hobby. I know of several dreamers who have had to get a job so that the tension at home dies down. Spouses have a reason to be upset if all dreamers do is spend money without making any.

This can’t be a hobby—it’s too expensive. You have to treat this as a business and make business decisions. Yes, this is what you love and enjoy. Yes, you have fun doing it, but at some point, it should make money. Think about it. The dream is to make a full-time income doing what you love. That’s where this should be leading. 

What Does This Mean?

It means you turn off the constant learning mode. It means you stop giving into information overload. It means—above all else—you stop spending money when you haven’t already done the foundational groundwork. It means you weigh every decision against how that decision fits into your plan.

It means you stop being afraid to sell—this is one that hurts many. At the end of the day, if you’re going to make money, you’re going to have to sell. Selling is uncomfortable, but if you can’t do it, your dream will never make money. When your dream doesn’t make money, all you have is a hobby that your spouse will get frustrated with. I want to see you win this year.

P.S. Your dream is possible

Audio version:

How are you treating your dream like more than a hobby?

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Photo: Flickr/ Chapendra

The Day I Had to Take Out a PayDay Loan to Pay My Bills

There is an audio version below.

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Chances are, you read my blog because you stumbled upon my work through Smart Passive Income or through one of the articles I’ve written for various publications. You know my story, but it may be hard for you to picture me back then—struggling to build this dream/business.

Through some challenging circumstances at home, I was homeless at 17-years-old. To survive, I got three jobs and dropped out of high school to work towards getting off the streets. I had friends that would sneak me into their rooms and let me sleep on the floor, but there were times when I had to sleep on the streets. “Sleep” is not what happened. There were scary people at night that forced me to sleep with one eye open to ensure nothing crazy happened to me.

I met my wife at one of the jobs, and we got married the day after I turned 18. We got a place together and started an adult life. My wife worked as a manager at Burger King, and I got a job delivering pizzas. We didn’t have many bills, but we also didn’t make much money. We struggled to pay our bills.

We limped through our situation and got better jobs. We made more money, but I was a hot head who didn’t understand finances. I should have learned hard life lessons early on, but I didn’t. Instead, I carried these lessons into my bread business. For 12 years, I had a service business that paid well above six figures. But, I never got ahead financially.

The Loan That Changed Everything

One of the lowest days of my financial life was when I went into a PayDay loan store to get a loan to pay our bills. Our bank account was overdrawn by $568, and we weren’t getting paychecks for a week. I told my bride that getting one of these loans wasn’t a big deal. Back then, I didn’t think about or understand the crazy interest rate you pay on one of these loans. The typical interest rate on a two-week payday loan is between 391 to 521 percent.

As I sat at the counter as the person went through all my paperwork, it hit me how far I’d fallen. It was embarrassing to walk in there, and even more embarrassing to have someone ask you questions that pretty much pointed out why I was a failure in life. I got the loan. I vowed to pay it back ASAP and never take one out again.

I wish I could say I stuck to that vow. Over the next year, I took out several of those loans. I took out one loan that I kept “extending.” For a fee of $80, they would let you extend your loan another two weeks. Since I was reckless, I kept one two-week loan going for eight weeks. By the time I paid off the loan, a $400 load had ended up being $1,200.

Overcoming Circumstances

You may not be taking out Payday loans, but there may be a stressful situation in your life that’s similar. It may be money problems, it may be the frustration of a job you hate, or it may be the frustration of building your dream. Whatever the circumstance is, it forces you into a place you don’t want to be in. I have been there many times.

I did pay off the Payday loan. I did quit a job I hated. I did pay off $180,000 in debt. I overcame those circumstances, and I’m confident you can too if you put a plan in place and take action. One of the most common things I see as a coach and observer of life is talking. Dreamers talk and talk about all the things they’ll eventually do.

BTW, here’s how I paid off the debt and got free.

Talking is a good start, but if you never act, nothing will ever change. Yes, “take action” is generic advice, but dreamers spend so much time looking for the “advanced strategies” that they waste the time they could be spending on what will help them. There are a lot of voices promising “secret cheat sheets” or “strategies for six-figures.” Nine times out of ten you will be disappointed.

The way that I overcame all of my difficult circumstances was by putting my feet to the ground and doing the work. Nothing fancy, just busting my butt, working hard, and focusing on what would help MY specific situation. I stopped chasing all the bright shiny objects and focused on what I needed. For me, that was building an audience. For me, that was getting smarter with money. For me, that was cutting back on getting “stuff.” For you, well, you have to figure that out.

It may be hard, but know that someone like you overcame what you may be going through right now. Focus. Action. Patience and even support. Don’t give up. Your dream and the kind of life you want to live are too important. Don’t let information overload or spammy hype from Internet “guru’s” take you down the wrong path.

Audio version:

Have you ever had to do something you didn’t want to do?

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Photo: Flickr/ Seth Anderson

 

6 Ways to Love Your Life

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Life is short. In the last year, I lost the man I consider one of my father figures — my grandfather. He died in December at 87 years old. When I think back on our time together, my memories are filled with love, tears, education, and strength. He lived a full life and taught me how to live through the example he set in his life.

It doesn’t take a death for you to realize that life will quickly pass. I’m sure you can remember a time when you were younger or a memory that was years ago but feels like it was just yesterday. Days and weeks seem to drag up, but often we look up and realize another year is almost gone.

How you spend each moment is important because those moments are limited. You can never get time back, which makes time a precious resource in each of our lives. There are six ways for you to love your life and use each moment on the things that are important to you.

1. Do Meaningful Work

Studies from Gallup have shown the average workweek is now 47 hours. You can spend that time doing something you love or hate. Either way, it will affect the other areas of your life. Despite the recovering economy we live in, you can find or create work that you love. Don’t spend day in and day out waking up to a job you hate. Use the Internet and technology to create your ideal “work” situation.

2. Cherish Relationships

I, for one, cherish my alone time, but I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for healthy relationships. It can be family, friends, or a romantic relationship, but that connection could be the difference between happiness or misery. Good relationships can lift you up or be the shoulder to cry on when things don’t go as planned.

3. Purge Negativity

Good relationships are necessary but negative ones will hold you back in life. As much as it hurts, purge yourself of relationships that don’t encourage and strengthen you. Besides relationships, purge negative habits, or activates that don’t bring you closer to your goals and dreams.

4. Live Fully Present

It’s easy to get distracted with the 101 things each of us has to do in life. You are busy with work, family, responsibilities, and the curveballs life throws at you. In all that chaos, it’s easy to forget to stop and enjoy the little moments in life. Living fully present means you embrace each moment. You put away the phone at dinner, you turn off the TV and enjoy a conversation with someone you love.

5. Stop Waiting for Permission

A major reason too many of us don’t chase our dreams or a big goal is because we’re waiting for permission. We’re waiting for someone to tell us it’s OK or for all the stars to align before we take the leap into uncertainty. Don’t wait for permission because no one will give it to you and you don’t need it. Claim the life you truly deserve today.

6. Don’t Apologize

This is YOUR life. Don’t apologize if you are taking action on the kind of life you want to live. Chase your dreams, travel, live, love, and do the things that matter. Don’t feel bad about wanting more because you deserve more. Be grateful for what you have but never give into complacency.

You can have all the things you want and the kind of life you want to live. It starts with the things you tell yourself. If you don’t believe it or believe it’s possible, you won’t take the necessary steps to make your dream a reality. Change impossible to possible in your mind and then do something about it!

What are you doing to create a happy life?

—Photo Credit: Flickr/ Paul Hocksenar

This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post.

Going From $1,260 to $5,000 a Month in Your Business

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I started working with a new coaching client last week—nothing new there. In fact, I’ve started working with a new coaching client every week for the last few months—business has been crazy good. The reason this new client started working with me is an issue that I struggled with, and I think, a lot of people who are building an online dream struggle with.

Here’s her situation (shared with permission). She has an email list of 200 people. She has a combined social media presence of about 4,000 people. She writes for a blog that pays $100 per original article–she writes two posts a month. She sells $60 worth of her eBook every month. She has a $1,000 per month coaching client. She wants to grow her business from $1,260 a month to $5,000 a month.

When we talked about what she’s been doing, it sounds good for the most part. She has been building her audience by writing for large publications such as the Good Men Project, the Brazen Careerist, and She Owns It. She just started writing for them after hearing my Pat Flynn interview, and has seen her website traffic go from 1,000 visitors a month to 4,000 a month.

Every now and then she mentions her books and coaching. She gets sales here and there, but can’t figure out why the money isn’t coming. I break down why, and how you can make it to the next income level in this little video I made for you.

The Plan  

If you don’t have a plan for what you sell, you will keep trying to throw stuff out there–hoping. The plan helps you figure out what kind of content to create and how you can tie your sales into that content. Just like any other business, sales goals help you grow.

We’re more than halfway through this year, but you still have time to have the best year you’ve ever experienced online. Take some time over the next couple of weeks to plan out the rest of this year. Plan out what you’re going to focus on selling each month and then base your content on adding value in that topic.

Chances are—to make more money—you’ll need to sell more types of things. One book, one course, or one product isn’t enough. You will need multiple income streams as Dan Miller always says. I make a full-time income from speaking, coaching, consulting, books, classes, and a course. Each month I focus on selling a certain number of each.

You can build your dream to $1,260 or $5,000. If you have a focused plan, with consistent action, you will make progress. This isn’t a mystery, and it’s not as complicated as many coaches and courses make it. This plan works even better when you build your audience. If you read this blog, you have read a lot about that. Make this year the best yet!

What’s your plan to grow your business?

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Photo: Flickr/ premasagar

An Addiction That Ruined Our Sex Life and Almost Ended Our Marriage

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Let me start off by saying this isn’t going to be an article attacking porn or judging you if you watch porn. I’m simply sharing what happened to me and how it affected our marriage. You have to make the best decisions for you and/or your relationship. My hope is that this article gives you another perspective to think about. What I will ask is that you get honest with yourself. The natural inclination is to get defensive when a subject like this is talked about. Progress and growth happen when we can move past our natural inclinations.

I was 13-years-old the first time I saw porn. There was a kid in our neighborhood that was a little more mature than the rest of us and found his father’s porn collection. This was in the 90’s, so it was VHS videos. We walked into his house to chill after school and got an instant education into sex, nudity, and masturbation. From that day on, I was hooked on porn.

Months later, I got the courage to pay this friend to get me a few of his dad’s VHS’. Every day, I would run home from school and masturbate to porn before my parents got home from work. It was an addiction—that at 13—I didn’t know how to break. It wasn’t long before my mom would help me break it.

Two weeks later, she was putting my laundry in my dresser and found the porn. Her reaction broke my heart and hurt my body. She yelled, hit, and cried. She spanked me for days after she found the porn. After the ordeal, I vowed to never watch porn again—there were too many consequences.

After the porn incident, my parents found a legalistic church and created some strict rules. We (my two brothers and a sister) weren’t allowed to date, we weren’t allowed to listen to secular music, and we didn’t watch TV for years. We lived a sheltered existence. At 17, I rebelled and left home. I was homeless and trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted from life. I got three jobs and at one of them, I met the woman who would become my wife. I got married the day after I turned 18.

Our sex life was HOT. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Despite the amazing love and sex, I started a porn collection. This was the 2,000’s, so it was CD’s.

Our sex life started to fade because I was more into the fantasy of what porn portrayed instead of the beautiful woman I could make love to. We started to fight and eventually separated when she saw I was choosing porn over our relationship. I promised to be a better man, but she was tired of only words and no action. Here are four ways porn ruined a beautiful sex life and almost cost me the person I love the most.

Porn cost money I didn’t have. What started as a few videos we watched together spiraled into an out of control travesty. I sat down one time and calculated how much I spent on porn in one year—it was $4,862. Sad, I know. My wife asked that I get rid of the collection. Instead of honoring a fair request on her part, I hid the collection and began masturbating in secret. We were broke and didn’t have money to spend on porn. I was an idiot.

Porn made me an angry man. This may be just me, but after watching porn and masturbating to it, I was angry. I would be on edge with my family. When I sat down to think about it, I think it was because I was mad the fantasy was over. Again, I was an idiot. 

Porn gave me an unrealistic view of sex. It wasn’t long before I was trying to get my wife to do all the things I saw in porn videos. I wanted to try the unrealistic positions and situations. I lost sight of our sex life being about us—just the two of us completely consumed with each other. I lost sight of our love propelling what happens in the bedroom. 

Porn didn’t fit into the kind of life I want to live. I had big goals and dreams for my life and our marriage. Those dreams involved financial freedom and a healthy marriage—porn didn’t help me hit those goals. In fact, it kept me stuck in a fantasy. I had to break free before I could make the changes I needed to make. 

I was able to break the hold porn had on me. Once I did, I was able to heal and work on healing my fractured marriage. It took three years, but we found each other again. I found myself again. We paid off all our debt and moved to our dream location of Maui, Hawaii. 

Let me say it again, this isn’t meant to be a judgment against anyone. Porn ruined my sex life and almost ended our marriage. I know for a fact I’m not the only guy who has gone through this. If you are reading this and in the same situation, choose your love over lust.

She is worth more than the images and those few moments of pleasure. To have great sex and build a strong relationship, you have to constantly improve yourself and work on your relationship. Get honest with yourself and ask yourself how porn fits into the life and kind of relationship you want to have.

How has porn affected you?

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Photo: Flickr/ smile_kerry

 

 

Don’t Start an Online Business Unless You’re Willing to Run the Gauntlet

There is an audio version below.

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The idea of working from home has been exciting entrepreneurs since long before the Internet became what it is today. To be able to work in your PJ’s, while earning a little money, is appealing. Since the boom of the Internet age, this dream is becoming more of a reality for those looking to escape the traditional “work” model.

The stats are staggering and keep increasing. Worldwide, 2.5 billion people log onto the Internet every day. On my last trip to Kenya, it seemed like everyone owned a smartphone. Facebook has 1.4 billion active daily users. There have never been so many potential leads in one place.

Reaching these leads and building a profitable online business is easier dreamed than done. When you log onto any social media network, you’re bombarded with misleading ads. You’re told you can download a cheat sheet some guru uses to make “six-figures” a month. The copy of the ads is doing exactly what they’re designed to do.

If you take a step back, you will realize the only way these gurus are making money is by teaching you how to make money. If someone promises you quick success online, they’re probably trying to make money off of you. There are several good courses and coaches online, but for every good one there’s a scammer. Here are some difficult realities of building an online business.

The numbers don’t translate into income.

I’ve lost count of the number of offers I’ve had from people who want me to hire them to build my social media presence or email list. These days, you can buy numbers to try impressing potential leads. The problem is that numbers don’t lead to engagement, and if there’s no engagement, your income won’t increase.

People buy from someone they know, like and trust. They spend money where they see a community. You can have big numbers, but if your online presence is a ghost town, all you’ve done is feed your ego. Don’t chase numbers. Focus on building a connection and creating a loyal following.

The advertised results are often fudged.

The sad reality of the world of Internet marketing is that there is a lot of lying. The results from sales, promotions and businesses are often inflated to impress leads into doing business with that person/company. These inflated results make it seem easier and more appealing. An entrepreneur who’s building believes these results and spends money on a course/coach that won’t help their progress.

Copying isn’t enough.

It would be great if we could copy someone who’s doing what we want to do. That would be so much easier. The problem is that too many people are copying, which keeps them from standing out. A potential lead will do business with the original, not the clone.

Spending money on coaches/courses could sidetrack you.

When it seems like progress is coming slowly, there’s a thought to hire a coach or buy an online course. This could help you, but chances are you just need to do the work. You could see a course/coach that’s crushing it, but where they are and what they teach might not be right for your business. What starts as a desire for progress, turns into a distraction. Not to mention there are some bad coaches/courses.

Creating freedom and adding value should always be your focus.

If riches, fame and people kissing your ring are your goal, you might achieve it, but it will feel hollow. Entrepreneurs with a slanted focus often crash and burn. The best businesses are built with a strong “why.” For the solopreneur that “why” might be freedom. Other entrepreneurs strive to add value to a large group of people — Elon Musk’s companies come to mind.

It takes more than you think you’re capable of giving.

At the end of the day, it takes time to build a profitable online business. It takes a lot of hard work. That work includes:

Establishing a strong foundation: Social media presence and building an email list.
Growing your platform: Getting traffic through podcast interviews, guest posting and writing for large authorities sites like Entrepreneur.com.
Creating products and services to sell: If you’re going to build a business, you have to have something to sell. Create value and actionable offerings.

I fully support my family through my online business. I live on Maui and every day I wake up and enjoy the ocean. I coach, consult, have books, have information products and get paid to speak. It took three years of hustle to get to this place of freedom. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth the struggle.

You can build a profitable online business over time and without the “get-rich-quick” hype. Building an online business will take time and lots of failures, but you can do it. Build an audience and add value. The income will follow.

Audio version:

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This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur Magazine.

 

How to Get Opportunities to Come to You (Part 2)

There is an audio version below.

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Welcome back! If you missed part one, go back and get updated. This has been a great year in my business and can be a great year for yours if you go after the bigger opportunities. What I’m talking about is doable; you can use this blueprint to generate income from your dream.

A lot of the frustration happens when you give into the “busy work” instead of building your audience. Social media is not enough or the best way to build an audience. Social media is limited; you have to pay to reach an audience. Also, people don’t come to social media to make business decisions; it’s mostly personal stuff.

Building a blog, growing a podcast, and building your email list are how you create the foundation to generate a full-time income from your dream. Taking that to the next level is getting featured in major media publications—I gave you a strategy for how to do that last post. Mainstream media/large publications/larger podcasts can leapfrog your business and give you the exposure that brings opportunities to you. I got to give a TEDx Talk because the organizers heard me on Smart Passive Income.

How to Leverage Exposure

The one cool thing about large publications is that they constantly re-share content that does well. I have articles from a year ago that get shared every 30 days because they’re popular. My highest shared post has now been shared over 143,000 times.

I consistently write for five publications. Each week, every one of these publications shares one of my new articles and one older one. My website traffic has been more the first half of this year than all of last year.

Every time your content gets shared again, you receive a new ping of traffic, you get book sales, and you can get new business. This is how my business has grown beyond six figures this year. How can you leverage this? Write articles that get shared. Easier said than done I know, but let me give you a few tips.

Think shorter articles, not longer. On a large publication, articles that are more than 1,000 words don’t get read as much. From what I’ve seen, the sweet spot is 700-900 words. Most sites won’t take articles that are longer than 800 words. Your goal isn’t long form articles; your goal is to give them just enough to want to click back to your website. That’s where you give them the meat and in-depth articles.

Hit on emotions. The technical stuff is great but lacks emotions. The content that tugs at the heartstrings is what people share. Content that’s funny, makes you sad, makes you happy, or that evokes emotions is what goes viral. Keep it simple; don’t try to show how smart you are. People on large publications scan and aren’t interested in something that will confuse them. Plain language and skimmable works best.

Doing the Work

What does it take to make this all work? I made you a video.

We’re at the end of this little series. I hope you got value. If you take nothing away from this, take away that you have to build an audience. Don’t let the busy work distract you. Don’t work on the “thing,” work on building a group of people who are interested in what you have to offer to the world. Let them know what you have for sale and a few will buy. When you get out there in a bigger way, the opportunities come to you.

Audio version:

How are you building your dream?

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P.S. In the Transition Club, I walk you through (step-by-step) how to get these opportunities and give you a plan to transition into online entrepreneurship.

Photo: Flickr/ andlun1