Beth K. Vogt's Blog, page 8

Wading Through the Grief Caused by Suicide and Choosing Hope

@bethvogt

 

There are times grief throws us to our knees. We gasp for breath even as we try to grasp hold of what we’ve heard.

It can’t be true. It can’t be . . .

A longtime friend, someone I love and respect – someone who has shown me kindness again and again – committed suicide a few days ago.

My mind and heart recoil from the stark reality of what has happened.

I want time to rewind so my friend’s death is undone.

I want this tragedy undone.

I know it can’t ever be undone. I’m asking why my friend would commit suicide , even though I know the why won’t change anything.

I’m asking what I could have done to stop this – and I’m sure my questions echo the same ones being asked by my friend’s family and so many others.

I want to say something that will stop someone else from thinking suicide is the right choice, the only choice, for them.

Have I ever had suicidal thoughts?  As a survivor of abuse, yes, yes, I have. Have I ever come close to acting on them? No. Never.

I talked with my trusted friend Wise Guy about this once. I said I would never do “something like that” because I would never do that to my husband or to my kids.

Wise Guy said, “How about you? How about saying, ‘I would never do that to myself?’”

I had never put myself in the equation.

Our conversation was years ago. I’ve done the work. I’ve healed. I’ve learned I am worth taking care of. I am valuable. And I know now that yes, I would never do that to myself. Or to my husband. Or to my kids. I would never cause my family or friends to bear the weight of that much grief.

I would never believe that the lie there is no hope.

I’ve got something to tell you: You – yes, you – are valuable. You are worth taking care of.

You need to make the hard, right choices to stay alive even when it seems impossible – and yes, I get that some days it is an emotional, physical, spiritual battle to stay alive.

Don’t believe the lie that there is no hope. Hopelessness is born in the pit of hell and it smells like smoke. It blinds you to the truth that there is help. There is light. There is more than what you are feeling right now.

Walk away from the lie.

Look up. Stand up.

Call someone who will hold out hope for you if you can’t find it for yourself right now.

 

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

 

Wading Through the Grief Caused by Suicide and Choosing Hope https://bit.ly/39ST3dH #crisis #hope
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'It's all about hope, kindness and a connection with one another.' Quote by Elizabeth Taylor https://bit.ly/39ST3dH #hope #encouragement
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Learning a Life Lesson from a Mission: Impossible Movie

@bethvogt

Let’s talk about the movie Mission: Impossible 3, shall we?

No spoilers, I promise, although the movie released in 2006.

My family’s been watching the Tom Cruise series and my son-in-love says the third movie is his favorite. I’m all for a good chase scene and you’re guaranteed at least one of those in an M: I movie, plus crazy stunts and I-didn’t-see-that-coming plot twists.

There’s a particularly tense scene in M: I 3 that had me covering my face, my legs pulled up to my chest. I couldn’t not watch, even as the villain’s threats escalated. But here’s the thing: I knew how the scene ended because we’d watched the movies out of order – crazy, I know! Because of our back and forth viewing, I knew the character survived the villain’s threats because they were alive in a later M: I film.

Why was I so freaked out if I knew everything turned out okay? (Let’s forget the fact I was watching a movie – that the person being threatened was fictional.)

And here’s where I transition to real life.

I’m not living in a Tom Cruise movie being chased by super-villains, but there’s no denying life has been hard this year.

Real life means facing a pandemic. Financial and professional stressors. The daily question of “what now?” The never-ending tug-of-war between everyone’s opinions and expectations.

Some days I get so anxious I want to crawl into bed, cover my face with my hands, and curl my legs up to my chest … and stay that way.

But I’m a woman who professes to live by faith in God and his plans for me – his plans for the entire world. I know how this story ends even if I’m unsure what will happen today or tomorrow.

God’s got me.

God’s got this.

If I truly believe this, then why do I get so anxious?

Because I lose focus.

I’m walking by sight, not by faith.

I’m swayed by other people’s opinions, rather than resting my heart in the comfort of the Truth.

I’m asking, “What if?” instead of recalling how God has been there for me in the past.

 Walking by faith isn’t some leisurely walk in the park. Faith is, first and last, a matter of trust. We trust God to be who he is. We trust God to accomplish what he says he will do. We trust God with our lives – today, tomorrow … on into eternity.

Trust is a choice – and choosing is a deliberate act of our will that overrides our emotions. When times are hard, will we choose to keep trusting God – or is he suddenly untrustworthy? Will we believe the villain wins … or will we remember everything we know about God?

Asking “what if?” is a waste of time that wears down our brave. During times like these that are hard and scary and complicated and confusing, it’s wiser to remember how God has provided for us in the past. God was in the midst of our past struggles and he’s here now.

Learning a Life Lesson from a Mission: Impossible Movie https://bit.ly/2X47CpJ #trust #faith
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'When trouble comes, focus on God's ability to care for you.' Quote by Charles Stanley https://bit.ly/2X47CpJ #perspective #encouragement
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Recognizing That Healthy is Hard

@bethvogt

I was talking with my daughter-in-love, Meagan, when she said, “Healthy is hard.”

Her three-word statement was one of those “This is so true!” moments.

You know what I’m talking about, right? You’re in the middle of a conversation with someone and they say something that reverberates inside you as if someone hit a massive gong with a hammer.

No matter what kind of healthy we’re striving for – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual – achieving our goal is going to be a challenge. And sometimes more than one health goal can be woven together: Physical and emotional health. Mental and spiritual health. This reality makes what we’re trying to accomplish all the more difficult.

Are there any steps that make getting healthy easier?

Becoming healthy means saying yes. Sometimes we choose to start off by adopting new, positive habits on our way to changing our behavior. I decided that during the COVID-19 lockdown that I wasn’t going to watch my bathroom scale go up, up, up. But to do so, I had to stop my evening snack routine. What can I say? I can be super-diligent all day long and then – bam! – 7 p.m. rolls around and I’m a walking, talking snack machine who can’t say no to useless calories. It’s not that I don’t eat anything in the evening. Doing that would be all about saying “no.” Instead, I’ve discovered better foods I love and want to say yes to after dinner.
Becoming healthy means saying no. It’s a simple, and yes, as hard, as that. Let’s be honest, we don’t like to say no to ourselves. We want what we want when we want it – be it a book by a favorite author or a too-expensive pair of shoes that blow our budget. We also don’t like telling other people no, especially family members, no matter how unhealthy they may be to our emotional and mental well-being. As the medieval proverb states, “Blood is thicker than water.” Well, sometimes blood is just a bloody mess and we need to be the one to tie the tourniquet and stop the hemorrhaging.
Becoming healthy means you be yourself  while you allow others to be who they are. Soon after we got married, my husband decided to break me of my habit of drinking Coke on a daily basis. How much I drank was in proportion to my stress level. Reality was, my husband’s good intentions were not my own. I stopped drinking Coke six years ago because I wanted to. We’re choosing healthy for us. Maybe we’re in a season of becoming stronger emotionally or progressing in our faith journey. We focus on that – not on someone else’s unhealthy choices. It’s not up to us to demand anyone else get healthy the same way we do, even if we know they need to make better, wiser, more beneficial choices. Sometimes the healthiest things we can offer someone else are daily doses of grace and prayer.
Becoming healthy means not being a perfectionist along the way to achieving what you hope for in the future. On our way to physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being, we’re going to blow it. Make poor choices. So what happens then? We try again. Healthy doesn’t happen all at once, it happens when we make the choices that are best for us, consistently, not perfectly.

I’m willing to accept that healthy is hard – and it’s worthwhile. Care to join me?

 

Recognizing That Healthy is Hard https://bit.ly/39tCe9b #Choices #Challenges
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'A sad soul can be just as lethal as a germ.' Quote by John Steinbeck https://bit.ly/39tCe9b #health #perspective
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Choosing to Gain a Healthier Perspective on Change in Our Lives

@bethvogt

I’m going through a time of transition.

To be honest, I don’t like it.

I typed those words and stopped, wondering when was the last time I wrote about my struggle with change. Searched my blog archives and found a blog post dated July 24, 2019.

Yes, I had to shake my head and smile.

I was dealing with transition almost exactly a year ago … and I’m going through another season of circumstantial shifts today.

“The only constant in life is change.” Heraclitus (535 BC-475 BC), Greek philosopher

Why am I always surprised by transitions in my life? So put out?

Change always feels like a current swirling around my ankles, subtle at first, and then becoming stronger, like a riptide, threatening to pull me under.

Why do I forget that I know how to swim? That yes, I know how to deal with riptides?

Remain calm. 2. Don’t fight the current, instead, float with the current and swim parallel to the shore. 3. Call for help if you are a weak swimmer.

  “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” John Maxwell (1947-), American author

The basics of escaping a riptide apply to facing times of transition:

1. Remain calm. There’s no need to panic. I’ve faced major changes in my life before and survived them. Odds are, I’ll survive this one. “We can only be calm since God controls all the circumstances.” Laila Gifty Akita, writer

2. Don’t fight the current. Isn’t the first reaction to something scary to pull away, be it unexpected change or being pulled out to sea? But the opposite thing is often the wisest choice: we need to relax into our fear. To not panic. “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), former First Lady of the United States

3. Ask for help. It’s all too easy to hide when we’re having a tough time. To pretend we’re okay. But if a time of change is pulling you under with doubt, it’s time to talk to a close friend or mentor. To ask for prayer and guidance – to find out how they navigate transition. You’re not weak – you’re human. “Let’s tell the truth to people. When people ask, ‘How are you?’ have the nerve to answer truthfully.” Maya Angelou (1927-2014), American memoirist & civil rights activist

What helps you when you’re going through a time of transition?

Choosing to Gain a Healthier Perspective on Change in Our Lives https://bit.ly/32hhpvS #transitions #perspective
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'The only constant in life is change.' Quote by Heraclitus https://bit.ly/32hhpvS #change #expectations
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Being Honest About Worry

@bethvogt

I worry about my mother-in-law every single day.

I’m familiar with humorist Erma Bombeck’s assessment of worry: “Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

Still, I find myself rocking away day after day.

Ruth – “MiMaw” to her four grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren – turns 102 years old in October and lives in an assisted nursing facility all of six minutes from our house. But because of the coronavirus pandemic, we haven’t seen her since March.

We understand the facility has restricted visitors for the residents’ safety during the pandemic. We’ve accepted – a bit begrudgingly – that we can’t drop off flowers to her. What’s the point when anything coming into the building is liberally doused with Clorox?

Yes, my mother-in-law is undeniably old. Her bodily strength failed her to the point she can no longer care for herself or walk, but anyone who meets her is always surprised how sharp she is for her age.

Until COVID-19 confined her to a small room all day, every day, since mid-March.

Four months of isolation is its own type of crisis.

As the weeks have gone by, she’s struggled more and more to remember things. We’re limited to phone calls with her, sometimes two or three phone calls each day. Often Ruth will call us an hour or so after we’ve talked to her and she’ll have no recollection of our previous conversation.

Ruth struggles remembering what day of the week it is. Hey, don’t we all? But now she also struggles remembering our children’s names, her grandchildren’s names, where they live, and if my husband, her only child, has a job.

The irony in all of this?

The isolation that has so far protected my mother-in-law from COVID-19, has created another very real problem for her. The stress of the ongoing confinement has harmed her mentally and emotionally.

She’s being taken care of – protected, even. And we are thankful.

But my mother-in-law is separated from family members who love her like no one else can. Physical touch? Minimal. Conversation with others? Minimal. Entertainment? Limited to enjoying audiobooks and the view out her window. TV? Not so much, due to her severe macular degeneration.

We hope to see my mother-in-law next week. She’ll leave her room – finally! – for a controlled 30-minute visit on the covered patio in the fresh Colorado air.

With masks.

No touching.

No hugs.

We’ll take it. We can only hope and pray she’ll remember our time together

This is hard, real life during a pandemic. Thousands of other people face the daily loss of time with elderly family members, too.

This emotion I experience every day that I so easily label worry? If I examine it more closely, it’s a mixture of worry and grief and a certain resigned acceptance. I’m learning to take each day as it comes while continuing to hold on to hope and looking for reasons to be thankful. Care to join me?

 

Being Honest About Worry https://bit.ly/38A0BkS #pandemic #family
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'The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.' Quote by Audrey Hepburn https://bit.ly/38A0BkS #relationships #isolation
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When a Dream is Inconvenient

@bethvogt

 

My son-in-love David was offered his dream job last weekend – the opportunity he’s wanted since he stepped into his chosen career field seven years ago.

He wasn’t floating his resume around, looking for a new job. Now wouldn’t be the time to do that, not when he and my daughter, Amy, have a newborn daughter.

Saying yes to this amazing job wasn’t immediate. Along with the “all I ever wanted and more” details came risks that couldn’t be ignored.

Sometimes the long-awaited chance to pursue our dream shows up when we least expect it … and at the most inconvenient time.

Thinking about our dreams is one thing. Working toward our dreams can often seem to be an endless time of toil and waiting. And then – surprise! – the long-closed door swings open and we’re invited to step into all we’ve ever dreamed of.

But then you find yourself hesitating because the yes isn’t as simple as you expected.

Maybe, like my daughter and son-in-love, the timing seems off. The dream is inopportune. You’ve already committed to so many other things, how can you say yes to this, no matter how long you’ve waited? But if you say no, when will the opportunity come ‘round again?

Maybe the dream is costly. Most dreams are. Your finances are tight. Can you afford to step through the open door and embrace your dream, knowing what you have in the bank doesn’t equal what you’ll need? Do you shut the door on the dream because the dollars and cents don’t add up?

Maybe the dream is risky, not just for you, but for people you care about. You say yes, and they have to say no to something important to them. They have to put their dreams on the backburner. Or they’ll see you less, because let’s face it, the hard work doesn’t stop with achieving a dream. It’s just a different type of work – the kind of work you’ve been waiting for.

What if the dream doesn’t end up looking like what you thought it would? Sometimes dreams come with disappointments … even, dare I say it, failure. You watch your dream crumble and you have to start over.  Look for another opportunity. Another open door.

Amy and David said yes to this inconvenient, risky dream.  But first they talked it out. Sought counsel. Prayed. Then together they decided that, as crazy as this all is, yes was the right answer for them.

Dreams are rarely convenient … but sometimes you recognize life’s going to get uncomfortable and wildly crazy, and you go for it.

Has a dream come true ever inconvenienced you?

When a Dream is Inconvenient https://bit.ly/3dN5s3f #perspective #choices
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'Dream big. Start small. But most of all, start.' Quote by Simon Sinek https://bit.ly/3dN5s3f #dreams #goals
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Knowing Our Values So We Know What We Want To Do in the Days to Come

@bethvogt

 

I went to a restaurant for the first time yesterday, after saying “yes” to my friend Shari’s spontaneous invitation to lunch. As I drove to the Thai restaurant, I realized this was my first time eating out since Colorado closed down because of the coronavirus pandemic.

It’s been almost 3 ½ months since the World Health Organization (WHO) declared COVID-19 a global pandemic on March 11, 2020.

That’s 15 weeks.

Or 105 days.

Or 2,520 hours.

We’re caught in a virtual tug-of-war between some states “opening back up” – a term we didn’t even use 105 days ago. Meanwhile, other states are holding steady with lockdowns or are increasing the time businesses will be closed and masks will be worn. Toss in the ongoing protests and no one is labeling the next couple of months the lazy days of summer.

We’ve all been marked by this passage of time. We’ve experienced financial challenges. Health challenges. We bear emotional bruises caused by trying to figure out every single day of all of this.

And here we are again, with more stuff to figure out. Things are changing even as things are staying the same.

One question many people are asking is, “What will change in your life once the pandemic is over and you get to go back to your normal life again?”

Well, not the before COVID-19 normal, but the after COVID-19 normal.

That’s a wonderful thought, isn’t it? The truth that we get to choose how our life will look as restrictions are lifted. We can decide to go back to the way things were on March 10, 2020 … or not.

Back then – 2, 520 hours ago –we were well past making New Year’s resolutions and choosing One Words to focus on. There was some sort of rhythm to our year – and then global pandemic disrupted, well, everything.

But now is the perfect time to stop. To be thoughtful. To be deliberate in our choices about what we do and don’t do in coming weeks.

It helps to silence all the voices telling us what we should do and must do. Avoid rushing too quickly back to what we were doing. Instead, why not consider our values, what we consider important in life, and then begin to act?

Perhaps if asked, you could state your core values easily. Things like:

Balance
Creativity
Faith
Kindness
Justice
Success
Wealth

Not sure what your values are? It’s the perfect opportunity to ponder what’s driving your choices.

Whether we realize it or not, our behavior reflects our values. And yes, our actions speak louder than our words. We can say we value honesty but choose to continue to harbor unhealthy family secrets. We can say we value success – but have we taken the time to define what success looks like? Are we living out our values or someone else’s?

Here’s to moving forward in the days ahead. To making choices based on what’s important to us. Care to join me?

 

Knowing Our Values So We Know What We Want To Do in the Days to Come https://bit.ly/3fSYtae #values #choices #COVID19
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'It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.' Quote by Roy Disney https://bit.ly/3fSYtae #perspective #choices
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Facing the Reality That Peace Isn’t Always Possible

@bethvogt

I spent the past four years writing a “Little Women gone wrong” women’s fiction series about a trio of sisters trying to discover if they can move from a truce to trusting one another. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. Magicians don’t reveal how they do their tricks, right? And authors don’t reveal what’s hidden between the covers of their books – not all of the story, anyway.

And all the while I crafted my novels, the road back to a relationship with my own two sisters is marked “No Access.”

I can’t fix what’s wrecked with me and my two sisters – what’s broken between me and my entire extended family, if I’m being completely honest.

Trust me, I’ve tried.

For the past eight years, I’ve shed tears on birthdays and holidays.

I’ve whispered both “what more can I do” and “watch over them” prayers.

In the end, I’ve realized I can’t mend the hurt alienating us.

Pastors and counselors and relatives and friends and self-help authors – even the occasional well-meaning acquaintance – offer endless advice for fixing fractured relationships.

Fight through the misunderstanding.
Strive for reconciliation.
Forgive seven times seven as many times as it is takes.

But rarely do people say the one hard truth: Stop. Just stop trying.

Sometimes we can’t fix what’s broken between us and another person. And all our attempts to make things better – to do the right thing or say the right thing or to be the person someone else expects us to be – just makes things worse.

That’s a harsh truth to face in a world where we’re told to forgive. To forget. To let go of the problem and move on. In all the forgiving and forgetting and letting go and moving on, stay together.

One truth has held me steady as I’ve stared across the chasm separating me and my sisters: If possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. (Romans 12:18)

Let me unpack this verse that’s become an unwavering beacon of light while I’ve lived estranged from family for more years than I ever imagined:

If possible – and sometimes it is not possible because your efforts alone may not be enough to accomplish what you want to happen – as far as it depends on you –– you can only do what you can do and you are not responsible for other people’s actions or reactions – be at peace with all men. The word here conveys the ideas of quietness and rest. If interacting with others creates emotional turmoil for you, then you need to make choices that bring peace into your life.

Sometimes trying to have a relationship with others, with family, creates discord and strife – the opposite of quietness and rest for us and for them.

It’s unrealistic to think we will have calm relationships, ones that are mutually respectful and loving, with everyone, including our family members. Even if we’re willing to strive for reconciliation – one that includes carefully chosen boundaries based on our values – others may not be.

 

Facing the Reality That Peace Isn't Always Possible https://bit.ly/2Y6CA13 #relationships #estrangement
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'It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited.' Quote by Lewis B. Smedes https://bit.ly/2Y6CA13 #relationships #estrangement
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Choosing to Listen to Others and to Myself

@bethvogt

 

When I chose “listen” as my One Word for 2020, I had no idea how this year was going to play out.

None of us expected any of the circumstances of 2020. I’ve found ways to manage the ongoing chaos. I start each day by reading Psalm 91. Limit how much news I watch. Look forward to the daily memes my son-in-love Nate sends the family, like the one that said, “You made it to June 2020. Welcome to level 6 of Jumanji.”

We’re six months into this year, which is when I like to evaluate how my One Word is influencing my choices. And yes, listening continues to be a priority.

I’ve learned there’s two parts to listening:

How well I’m listening to what other people are saying to me
How well I’m listening to what I’m saying to myself

At the start of 2020, I focused solely on listening to others. Being intentional about lasering in when someone talked to me. I avoided texting or posting on Facebook or working on a graphic when I was in the middle of a conversation – either face-to-face on when I was on the phone with someone. In the past, I believed I could listen and multitask. Even worse, sometimes I’d process what I wanted to say while the other person was still talking.

I still want to others to know I’m all in when they’re talking to me. That my silence indicates I hear them, not that I’m thinking about something else or wishing I was somewhere else. And I want to listen to both the comfortable and uncomfortable conversations.

But I’m realizing I also need to listen to what I’m saying to myself throughout the day. I need to pay closer attention to my internal self-talk.

This year’s been rough. I go to bed weary and wake up weary. Yes, circumstances are difficult right now – and that is an understatement – but I also have a choice about how I react to what’s happening. How I think about things. I need to monitor the chatter inside my head because my internal dialogue influences my emotions, which affects my outlook.

I need to be aware of the negative things I allow to ram around my head because listening to that kind of thinking wears me down. I need to mute that kind of talk. Change channels. Choose kinder, gentler words. Amplify the positive.

So that’s me and my One Word halfway through 2020. How are you doing with your One Word? And if you didn’t pick One Word, it’s not too late. Or maybe you need to check your self-talk, too. Care to join me?

 

Choosing to Listen to Others and to Myself https://bit.ly/2YhgGqU #perspective #listening
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'The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.' Quote by Ralph Nichols https://bit.ly/2YhgGqU #relationships #listen
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The Fight Against Racism Starts Within Our Families

@bethvogt

 

My son Josh and daughter-in-love Meagan stopped by our house on Monday. 

“How are you?”

A simple enough question, right?

Not these days.

My son Josh is white. My daughter-in-love Meagan is black.

Meagan backed away from me. From responding. “I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry … I won’t stop crying …”

And then I held her as she said, “I keep thinking of Jackson …”

Jackson.

Their 6-year-old son.

Our grandson.

And then Meagan wept.

After her tears came the words. How racism has exhausted her. Devalued her.

How her parents chose her name because it’s a white-sounding name so future employers wouldn’t evaluate her based on her race on a resume.
How a teacher once told her she was better off as a slave. And I can’t even comprehend a teacher saying that to a student … I can’t.
How she was constantly judged by her skin color … and often considered no better than an animal.
How she has been called the N-word.
How she and Josh have to defend their children at school because they are bullied because of the color of their skin.

Racism has seared my daughter-in-love’s soul in ways I can’t comprehend because I have never, will never, experience what she has.

Even as I held her and tried to comfort her, I couldn’t truly understand the life she has lived. The life she lives, day in and day out.

But I can choose to love her and love my GRANDkiddos. I can listen to her story.

I can stand with her, with my son, with my family, against racism.

I will not protest in ways that hurt and kill other people and destroy property.

I will choose family, again and again. Change  starts within family – one family at a time.

I will choose hope. I will pray for change. For peace. For true, lasting reconciliation – which does not come through violence.

I want to recognize people for who they are.

I am a white woman – but I am not a racist.

My precious daughter-in-love is a black woman who has been wounded by racism. I see her for who she is.

And my desire is to see each person I meet, each person I interact with, for who they are: a reflection of the image of God.

I’m listening. Watching. Praying. Choosing my actions. And I am not abandoning hope.

 

The Fight Against Racism Starts Within Our Families https://bit.ly/2XV3Zlt #racism #hope
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'We all should know that diversity make for a rich tapestry and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color.' https://bit.ly/2XV3Zlt #MayaAngelou #diversity
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