Beth K. Vogt's Blog, page 5

How Do We Choose Hope When Evil Frightens Us?

@bethvogt

I’m determined to choose hope even as I struggle to comprehend another senseless act of violence, this time in Boulder, Colorado.

Is there an act of violence that ever makes sense?

My husband Rob and I spent a long weekend in Minnesota, visiting our youngest daughter whose spring break morphed into a volleyball pre-season. Good days. Good conversations. Lots of laughter. Even more hugs.

Hours after we arrived home in Colorado, a friend texted me and said she was praying for our Colorado communities.

I had no clue what she meant.

Then came her words: A shooting in CO. I’m so sorry. I thought you’d have known.

I spent Monday evening scanning for updates on the mass shooting at a King Soopers grocery store in Boulder, CO. Grieving the deaths of 10 people, including one police officer who responded to the threat. Unable to fathom why the suspect would do something so horrible.

Since yesterday, I’ve been in a wrestling match with fear. Determined to not let it get a chokehold on my emotions.

News headlines incite fear by providing too much information about what happened in Boulder. By dredging up the horrific details of similar events in the past.

A mass shooting could happen again – after all, how many times has this already happened in U.S. history?

It could happen to someone I love. To me. At the most unexpected of times. The most unexpected places, like a neighborhood grocery store.

Fear burrows into our minds and hearts. Cripples our ability to live in peace. To live with hope.

How do we live with the reality of evil in this world without being overwhelmed?

Oddly enough, we have to allow ourselves to be stunned by violence just like what happened in Boulder Colorado on Monday, March 22, 2012. We can’t become unfeeling. Uncaring. We can’t reduce tragedy to a mere headline.

We have to grapple with the fear. The grief. The loss.  Choose to believe, again and again, that we are not defined by someone’s reckless, senseless, evil action.

These kinds of determined choices birth hope.

We must choose faith in spite of heartache. In spite of others disappointing us. Judging us. Harming us.

Their atrocious actions do not define us. Our actions, our choices, define us.

If I say I am a woman of faith, then I must cling to my faith in all circumstances, not just the easy ones. Fear is a mighty opponent, but hope, chosen again and again, is mightier.

My hope should never be placed in the actions of others.

My hope is in God, who has not failed me yet, and who will not fail me, come what may.

How Do We Choose Hope When Evil Frightens Us? https://bit.ly/3rgI0lE #hope #faith
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'Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay.' Quote by Maya Angelou https://bit.ly/3rgI0lE #hope #fear #BoulderColorado
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Choosing to Conquer Our Challenges One Small Step at a Time

@bethvogt

The subject of resilience came up last weekend during a text conversation with my friend Bernadette. We were discussing how a year has passed since COVID upended our lives. One whole year. Also, like so many others, Bernadette and I are walking through grief because family members died during the pandemic.

“I don’t know about you, but I feel like I used to be more resilient,” Bernadette told me during our text conversation. “I know I used to be more resilient.”

I don’t consider myself a naturally resilient person. Everything I know about resiliency I learned watching my daughter Christa on the volleyball court.

Christa is a fierce competitor. She hates when her team loses a match, but she can shake off her disappointment and step back on the court, ready to take on the next competitor.

I could talk about why some people seem more naturally resilient than others. Or what wears down our resilience. Maybe do some research on resilience and include some information, such as how resilient people can process both positive and negative emotions, even in difficult situations.

But this is more of a conversation than an analysis. Some people are just more naturally resilient than other people – just like how some of us have a natural bent toward spelling and some of us don’t.

Maybe the first step to being more resilient – whether our resilience is worn out or we’ve never been all that resilient – is acknowledging life hasn’t changed as much as we hoped it would when we were ringing in the new year.

 We’re dealing with everything our lives encompass in 2021 while still processing what our lives were like in 2020.

Maybe you’re recovering from COVID.Or schooling your children – juggling the whole in-person and at-home schedule.Caring for aging parents – or grieving distance from them or the loss of them.Struggling with financial upheaval caused by job changes – in person to remote – or unemployment.Or maybe you’re trying to handle the emotional burden of all of the above.

Consider the quote my friend shared with me during our conversation:

 

 “Little by little, one travels far.” Spanish Proverb

 

“[The quote is] short, sweet, and doable. And I can remember it,” Bernadette said. “And it reminds me that little by little is legit.”

I love when texting with a friend becomes a life lesson loaded with encouragement.

Little by little is legit.

The best way we can do all that is demanded of us in 2021? One small step at a time.

Choosing to Conquer Our Challenges One Small Step at a Time https://bit.ly/2P11g9r #encouragement #hope
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'One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time.' Quote by John Wanamaker https://bit.ly/2P11g9r #challenges #perseverance
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NOTE: The quote “Little by little, one travels far,” is often attributed to C.S. Lewis. However, I did some research and found it was, in fact, not said by him. You can read about this here.

 

 

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Choosing to Believe I’m not an Imposter

@bethvogt

This was my friend Jenny’s text to me yesterday morning at 6:12 a.m.: In life, and perhaps you overcame this, who did you believe you had to be accepted and/or approved by?

By the way, good morning.

  My reply: Oh my word! Do you want an alphabetical list?

Jenny and I have conversations like this. All the time. Sometimes by the time we’ve exhausted ourselves verbally, we’ve solved, well, not the world’s problems, but whatever problem is bothering us most at that particular moment.

Wanting the approval and acceptance of others? That can be a lifelong struggle.

When I shared Jenny’s early morning text asking approval and acceptance, did you remember someone’s name? See someone’s face?

If so, you know exactly what we’re talking about.

And then I answered Jenny’s question – again – with another question: Have you ever heard of imposter syndrome?

Have you, my friends?

Loosely defined, imposter syndrome is when someone doubts their success and feels like a fraud. This person is fearful her colleagues in the same field of expertise – music or writing or engineering or education – will realize she’s a fake. The other professionals deserve the attention, the awards, the accolades … but she does not.

Consider this interesting point: A sufferer of imposter syndrome is usually a high achieving individual – and yet, she thinks she excelled by chance. Her greatest fear? That everyone else will figure out she doesn’t belong at the professional conference or on stage accepting an award, or sitting in the church pew holding a Bible.

Ironic, isn’t it, that achievements create feelings of fraudulence.

Lurking behind imposter syndrome is the desire for acceptance, the longing for approval, all mixed up with the lie we deserve to be rejected.

But we believe the lie is true.

We turn to others for reassurance. We turn to things – awards, more achievements – to affirm us. We wait … and wait … and wait for that certain someone to give us their stamp of approval.

Here’s where I could tell you about how many years I believed the word “beautiful” didn’t apply to me.

I could tell you how I understand – to the very core of my being – what it’s like to stand in the room with other writers I love and respect and think, “I’m a fraud.”

And how my eyes burned with tears as I typed those words.

 But let’s be honest with one another, my friends. Many of you have thought that too.

The only thing we can do … the best thing we can do … is replace the lie we believe with the truth. Stop waiting for someone’s – or everyone’s – approval or acceptance.

Me? I spent an entire year of my life leaning into God’s love. I wrote in my journal: I need to know You love me, God. I need to feel it.

 Opening my heart and mind more and more to that Truth has helped me turn away from many lies I used to believe – and it helps me choose to believe I’m not an imposter, too.

'You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are.' Quote by Aslan in the movie The Voyage of the Dawn Treader https://bit.ly/2N1j2Zm #doubt #confidence
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Choosing to Believe I'm not an Imposter https://bit.ly/2N1j2Zm #choices #impostersyndrome
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Choosing not to Fix Someone Who is Struggling

@bethvogt

It’s so difficult to see someone we love struggle.

When a family member or friend is hurting, so often we want to rush in and fix the situation for them. Figure out some way to make everything better. If we can figure out the magic equation to make everything better … Poof!  The difficult circumstances and devastating emotions overwhelming the person we love are gone.

We search for the right combination of comforting words. The right Scripture verse — the one that helped us when we struggled with similar circumstances. The perfect escape movie or book or activity. A quick trip to Target is always a pick-me-up, right, girlfriends?

But trying to fix their difficult situation? That’s exactly where we can go wrong. “Fixing it” can make others feel like we’re trying to “fix them.”

When we’re harassed emotionally — when we’re discouraged or doubting or depressed — is exactly when we don’t want to be analyzed and fixed.

We want to be loved.

“There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.”
Mother Teresa (1910-1997), founder of the Order of the Missionaries of Charity

 

So how do we love someone who is struggling? I’ve learned the simplest expression of love can mean the most to others.

 Let’s pray for someone who is hurting — and be willing to pray silently. Prayer is a sacrificial act of love. Pray through those Scripture verses you want to share with your family member or friend. Consider this: When I first dealt with my abuse, there were times I struggled with prayer — both praying for myself, as well as hearing others pray for me. If someone asked, “Can I pray for you?” I learned to say, “Not out loud,” or “Maybe later.”Let’s practice “just because” acts of kindness. Write a note to let them know you’re thinking of them. Drop by with a bouquet of cheery flowers or their favorite coffee. No need to linger because they may not be up to entertaining you. Realize your thoughtfulness may not change how someone feels, but it’s always worthwhile to love through kindness.

How have you loved someone who was struggling instead of trying to fix them? 

Choosing not to Fix Someone Who is Struggling https://bit.ly/3qhrly0 #relationships #love
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'A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.' Quote by Steve Maraboli https://bit.ly/3qhrly0 #kindness #compassion
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Choosing to Embrace Plan B

@bethvogt

Sometimes our well-thought-out plans don’t work.

Frustrating, isn’t it?

Last year wasn’t a great writing year for me. Too many disruptions meant very little creative writing.

I spent some time evaluating what I needed to ensure I had a more productive year in 2021.

Solid blocks of time. Dedicated space. No interruptions.

Then I made my plan. It wasn’t complicated, really. I’d get up at 4 a.m., before everyone else woke up, and write until 6 a.m.

Simple, right?

My plan didn’t work.

Getting up at 4 a.m. sounds great – unless you also stay up until 10-10:30 every night, which I do.

Getting up at 4 a.m. before everyone else gets up sounds great – unless you also rouse your three dogs. And then the dogs wake up your 8-month-old granddaughter who is living in your basement apartment with your daughter and son-in-love.

So here I am, 7 weeks into this new year, dealing with a much lower word count for my work in progress than I’d hoped for by this time.

A failed plan and frustration.

It’s not as if I’ve never stared down an unsuccessful idea. It’s part of the creative process – the whole idea of allowing ourselves to toss ideas around. To consider our options. To be willing to try this, try that … and to keep trying until we discover what works. To uncover the magic. The ping.

Yes, right now what I’d planned isn’t working.

But I’m determined this year is going to be different – better – than last year. I have stories to write.

When our well-thought-out-plan doesn’t work, that’s reality – not failure.

The question is what now?

There’s always Plan B, but it might take a while to figure it out.

Maybe like me, you walked into 2021 with a plan for forward motion in your personal or professional life only to see it nosedive. Consider this a delay, not a cancelation of all your hopes and dreams for the rest of the year.

Choosing to continue is challenging because setbacks are setups for discouragement.

Quitting gets you nothing.

Imperfect progress is better than abandoning your efforts to accomplish what you’re hoping to achieve.

I’m working on my Plan B – and while I am, I’m cheering you on, too.

Choosing to Embrace Plan B https://bit.ly/37CWXaL #challenges #encouragement
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'The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B.' Quote by James A Yorke https://bit.ly/37CWXaL #PlanB #success
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Choosing to Offer Ourselves Grace

@bethvogt

 

 

Some days are going to be harder than others.

Just typing that simple sentence made me feel a whole lot better.

I’ve been slogging uphill against my expectations and emotions this past week.

Looking back, I see reasons why the past seven days have been challenging – everything from anxiety before, during, and after some dental work, to lack of sleep, to missing a few goals I’d set for myself.

All of this, along with some other circumstances, added up to a challenging week.

What made the past week even more difficult?

Me choosing not to offer myself grace while I was having hard days.

I’m good at telling others to be gentle with themselves. I’m quick to tell a friend to rest when they are tired. I’ll encourage someone to do the next thing instead of worrying about every little thing. I know self-care is important.

But when my performance isn’t what I think it should be – when I disappoint myself or think I’m disappointing others – I weigh myself down with all sorts of negative self-talk. Things I should have done. Things I shouldn’t have done. I’ll listen to old lies about myself.

Why is it so difficult to show grace to ourselves?

Because we’re mistaken about grace. In its simplest form, grace equates with kindness. Too often we tangle it up with what we do or don’t do, overlooking the miraculous, God-given gift of grace that we’ll never fully comprehend, but so desperately need.

Humans are miserly about grace. God is lavish with grace. Humans dole grace out if we think someone has earned it. God knows we will never earn grace – and grants us grace in spite of this.

Humans place conditions on kindness, on love, on grace.  If … If … If …

God’s kindness, love, and grace are all unconditional.

This is why it’s so difficult to show ourselves grace: because we didn’t live up to our “conditions” – to our expectations for ourselves.

Sometimes I talk a situation out with my friend Wise Guy after the fact. He looks at me with a smile and says, “You should have expected this.” Not in a “how could you be so stupid” kind of way – that’s not how Wise Guy interacts with people.

He wants me to learn and to remember so I’m not so surprised by events the next time.

This would be one of those times.

Some days are going to be harder than others. If I’d given last week a bit more forethought, I would have realized I was looking at a challenging week. I could have prepared myself better.

I could have offered myself more grace.

More rest.

More gentleness.

I would have remembered grace is always the right response – for others and for myself.

Choosing to Offer Ourselves Grace https://bit.ly/3jTOoNJ #hope #encouragement
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'We are born broken. We live mending. The grace of God is the glue.' Quote by Eugene O'Neill https://bit.ly/3jTOoNJ #faith #grace
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Choosing to Do the Work to Reap the Benefits of Marriage

I blew it with my husband, Rob, the other day.

To be more specific — I blew up at Rob over the most trivial thing.

Rather than dealing with the unexpected interruption to my day – I did say it was minor, right? – I called Rob and made sure he knew I was upset. That I didn’t appreciate what he’d done. Rather, what he didn’t do. And then I said goodbye.

No, I didn’t take the time to exchange our customary “I love you’s.”

My daughter, Amy, was witness to all this. A silent witness.

She’s smart that way.

As I left the house, I told her, “I know I handled that wrong. I owe your dad an apology.”

Relationships are hard, even when you’ve been married for 40 years, like Rob and I have been. Yes, I realize some of you haven’t been alive that long.

With each anniversary we’ve celebrated, we’ve worked through more and more of our stuff.

In-laws – both his and mine.Finances.My history of abuse.The demands of his medical career. ParentingCommunication

And still we get it wrong.

This is why my one-word definition of marriage is work. This definition is not a negative thing.

The time and effort you put into marriage is worthwhile. In the long run, you reap the benefits of focusing on your relationship with your spouse, no matter how many other things – and people – demand your attention. The “we’re never gonna’ agree on this” problems become non-issues, but it takes time. Not weeks. Not months. Years. Sometimes you have to seek outside counsel to figure out how to work through conflict.

All the hard work? It’s worthwhile because that’s what makes a relationship better.

So says the woman who blew it with her husband.

Nobody’s perfect – and that’s where asking forgiveness comes in.

Later that day as I asked Rob to forgive me for being so angry and rude with him earlier that morning, he apologized for not doing something for me, our words crisscrossing over the phone.

Forgiveness asked. Forgiveness granted.

Then we moved on. We trust each other enough to know that issue is over and done with.

We’ve done the work and reaped the benefits.

Choosing to Do the Work to Reap the Benefits of Marriage https://bit.ly/3ryJwjI #relationships #communication
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'You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.
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7 Quotes to Challenge Your Perspective on Life, Love, and Relationships (and a Giveaway)

@bethvogt

 

As I considered possible topics for today’s blog post, I decided to indulge my love of quotes and create graphics for you to enjoy. You’ll find quotes from some of my favorite authors, including two of my writing mentors — waving at you, Rachel Hauck and Susan May Warren. What are some of your favorite quotes about life, love, and relationships?

“Love is a great beautifier.” Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888), American novelist

 

“Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.” Jean Anouilh (1910-1987), French playwright

 

“God was like that, wasn’t he? Dreaming big dreams for those he loved.” Rachel Hauck, New York Times bestselling author

 

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Maya Angelou (1928-2014), memoirist & Civil Rights activist

 

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill (1969-), author

 

“Dare to love and be a real friend. The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as those whom God has given you to love.” Henri Nouwen (1932-1996), theologian & writer

7 Quotes to Challenge Your Perspective on Life, Love, and Relationships https://bit.ly/2MxnA9w #quotestoliveby #love
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'Maybe if we saw love more in each other it might be easier to look up and accept it from God.' Quote by @SusanMayWarren https://bit.ly/2MxnA9w #love #faith #quotestoliveby
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Choosing to Wait for Hope When Grief Wrecks Our Hearts

For all our hopes this new year would be better than the previous 12 months, the first 27 days of 2021 are disappointing.

Such an understatement, right?

I texted with a good friend several days ago. Normal “how’s it going” stuff. And then a little while later these words appeared on my phone screen: got some really bad news.

A family friend – a teenager – died unexpectedly.

My friend: We r all shocked. Puffy eyed and stunned.

Me: Heart-wrecked.

So many of us are heart-wrecked these days. Continuing bad news, both in the headlines and in our homes, demolishes our emotions and leaves us stranded.

Grieving.

Fearful.

Incapable of moving ahead.

We need to be rescued.

Longing for rescue or longing to provide someone we love with rescue doesn’t mean we don’t allow ourselves time to mourn.

Rushing past our grief dishonors our loss. Ignoring someone else’s grief dishonors their loss, too.

Grief scares us because it overwhelms us like a wave that pulls us under, holds us down while we frantically swim for the surface, our lungs aching for air.

We want someone to save us – throw us the life preserver of “normal” and tow us to shore so our feet can touch ground again.

Maybe the first step of survival when we’re drowning in grief is to let go of our desire for normal.

Normal was then.

Grief is our now.

Yes, it’s our unwanted now.  We want to turn our back on it. But the only way to our future where our hearts are no longer wrecked is through now.

The experts tell you everyone processes grief differently – in different ways and at different paces. I’m not referring to the professionals – although they say this, too. I mean the friends and family you know who’ve walked this unwanted path ahead of you.

We can also pray for a miraculous, fresh breeze of hope to sustain us, to help our grieving friends. Hope fills our emotional sails and reminds us moving ahead is possible. When grief leaves us at a standstill for weeks and months at a time and we are unable to pray, we can lean into the prayers of others. We can also remember Jesus always intercedes for us. (Romans 8:34)

Hope eases the burden of grief, allowing us to learn how to bear sorrow’s unwanted weight.

Maybe one way we help bear one another’s burdens is praying for whispers of hope for our grief-stricken friends. We keep our eyes on the horizon for them when their vision is blurred by tears.

Choosing to Wait for Hope When Grief Wrecks Our Heart https://bit.ly/3om2E2i #grief #hope
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'Life's roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors.' Quote by Unknown https://bit.ly/3om2E2i #perspective #hope
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Sometimes We Need to Take a Bye Week

I decided to take a bye week instead of posting a blog today.

For those of you who aren’t sports fans, a bye week is a term used where each team — for example, a national football team — is scheduled to have one week near the middle of the season where they do not play a game.

Today is the inauguration of Joe Biden as the 46th U.S. president.

As I considered a possible blog post, I realized a lot of people — most people — will be focused on the inauguration, whether they voted for Biden or not. (Nope, not getting political here.)

Me? I’m continuing to pray this week for our nation and for our leaders — all of them.

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people-for (leaders) and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.” (1Timothy 2:1-2 NIV)

I’ll see you next week with a new blog post.

Be well, friends.