Beth K. Vogt's Blog, page 9

Giving Each Other Room to Grow Up

 

@bethvogt

 

Sometimes I think my now-adult children believe I didn’t want them to grow up.

Yes, there are days I miss their toddler voices. The funny ways they mangled words and their odd preferences for a particular food or a stuffed animal or a certain pair of pajamas.

I’ll even admit to saying, “Why you want to leave me?” in a very bad Greek accent, à la the overprotective father in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when they were older and leaving home for extended trips.

But that was nothing more than a joke. Really.

What my children didn’t realize back then, when they were oh-so-eager to be big, is that my husband and I were all about letting them grow up.

We start letting our children go the day we cheered them on as they pulled up to stand, grasping the side of their crib. Next, we held their hands until they were ready for us to let go so they could take their first wobbly steps on their own – away from us.

Sending them to school? Letting go.

Encouraging them to participate in sports? A giant step in letting them go, as we signed those “you can’t hold us responsible if your child is injured, maimed, or dies” release forms. I lost track of how many of those my husband and I signed during the years. Sure, we wanted our children to play soccer. To wrestle. To horseback ride. To be on the swim team. All of these experiences help them mature.

And it’s scary, too.

Don’t get me started on teaching them to drive – but yes, that’s a right of passage that’s all a part of growing up.

I’ve always said being a mom means cheering on my children as they pursue their dreams. It also means getting out of their way as they grow up and make life choices. Bigger and bigger choices.

The cheering part? That’s easy. Fun.

Getting out of their way? Okay, sometimes that took me a little longer to do. But I knew it was for their best – and mine, too. I wanted them to grow up into the person God made them to be. To make their choices. To use their talents.

Perhaps children need to realize that, all the while they are growing up, their parents are growing up, too.

Having the title of “mom” and “dad” doesn’t mean we don’t have things to learn. Some of the most important things we needed to discover? Who our children are. How to best love and support them. And this is an ongoing process.

Even while we’re cheering on our kiddos and helping them grow up, we’re changing too. Dealing with our stuff. Dragging a few skeletons out of the closet and tossing them in the trash.

Sure, it would be nice if we’d done all our maturing before children came along – but that’s not how it works. The best kind of life is one where we never stop changing. Where we embrace our own growth – and our children’s growth, too.

Giving Each Other Room to Grow Up https://bit.ly/3ekAvUH #parents #children
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'All children, except one, grow up.' Quote from Peter Pan by author J.M. Barrie https://bit.ly/3ekAvUH #families #perspective
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Choosing to Believe that Life is Good When We’re Waiting

@bethvogt

 

A long-time wish came true for me two weeks ago.

My family transformed the back corner of our yard into a hummingbird garden for me.

It’s the barest beginnings of what will one day be a glorious garden with a ceramic bird birth, complete with a solar powered water fountain, two feeders, and yes, the proper plants and flowers to attract a multitude of hummingbirds. So far, I’ve seen butterflies – those are nice – and a few pudgy robins searching the well-watered ground for worms.

And now I wait for the hummingbirds to arrive.

My vigil at the breakfast nook windows, watching for tiny fleet-winged birds to alight on the feeders, reminds me that waiting is an odd mixture of emotions.

Anticipation – looking ahead, hoping that what we want will happen soon.
Acceptance – shifting our expectations from what we hope for to accommodating reality without letting go of our dreams, our longings.
Acquiescence – realizing that what we’re waiting for – who we’re waiting for – isn’t arriving today. Or tomorrow. Understanding that our waiting will last longer, even as we refuse to abandon hope.

Again and again, I’m learning I have no control over the timing of the when and how of what I’m waiting for, whether it’s how quickly flowers grow and bloom, or when hummingbirds find my new garden, or when my efforts to achieve a dream produce fruit – if they ever do.

Effort does not guarantee success – unless you count success as the knowledge that you gave your best effort to something, be it a garden or a college class or a book project or a relationship.

I’ve heard it said that all I can do as a writer is write the best book I can. And in this time of COVID-19, when Amazon declares books not-essential, and the publishing industry – the industry I work for – struggles to find its footing, I’m given the chance to learn this truth one more time.

I write the best books I can … and let the rest be.

The hummingbird garden is planted … and once again, I wait.

I do what I can and learn to be content in the waiting. The cycle of Anticipation-Acceptance-Acquiescence continues in each of our lives in so many different ways, every single day.

Maybe it’s not so much that we get through the waiting as it is how we grow through the waiting.

Anticipation. Acceptance. Acquiescence. All three stages of waiting require hope – the choice to believe that life is good in the waiting.

 

Choosing to Believe that Life is Good When We're Waiting https://bit.ly/3bMvT8b #hope #expectations
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'Hope fills the holes of my frustration in my heart.' Quote by Emanual Cleaver. https://bit.ly/3bMvT8b #hope #quotes
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Quotes Worth Remembering from a Commencement Conversation for the Class of 2020

@bethvogt

I attended a graduation ceremony on Monday.

It was a virtual ceremony, hosted by actor John Krasinski, via his Some Good News (SGN) YouTube channel.

One of the fun things about the ceremony? People were graduating from kindergarten right on up through college, all across the globe.

I also loved how, while John highlighted several valedictorians, he opted out of commencement speakers. Instead, he went for a commencement conversation. He asked graduates to send in questions. He then picked 4 questions, brought the graduates on his SGN broadcast, and had someone answer their questions.

Friends, I was taking notes.

And then I watched the whole thing again and selected 4 quotes I wanted to share with you today because they encouraged me so much.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

Question #1: How do you still follow your dreams when it feels like the world isn’t so supportive of them? 

Answer from filmmaker Steven Spielberg:

“A real dream not only hangs on to you, but you will hang on to it. It will power you through every obstacle that people and environments will throw against you.” Steven Spielberg (1946-), American filmmaker

 

Question #2: If you can tell your younger self on thing, what would it be?

Answer from Pakistani activist Malala:

“Believe in your voice. Continue speaking. Don’t give up.” Malala (1997-) Pakistani activist

 

Question #3: Think about a time in your life that felt like a low point at the moment, but actually changed everything.

Answer from Oprah: 

“Failure is an opportunity to move yourself in a different direction.” Oprah Winfrey (1954-), American media executive

 

Question #4: Now what?

Answer from actor John Stewart:

“Learn from each opportunity that you have. Let no opportunity be too small for your time. And let no opportunity ever be too big for your possibilities.” John Stewart (1962-), American comedian and writer

Which one of these quotes was your favorite? Or how would you answer the questions? I’d love for you to join the conversation today.

Quotes Worth Remembering from a Commencement Conversation for the Class of 2020 https://bit.ly/3cnTmh0 #SGN #Classof2020
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'Every person you meet knows something you don't: learn from them.' #Quote from H. Jackson Brown Jr. https://bit.ly/3cnTmh0 #perspective #SGN
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Don’t forget to enter the giveaway celebrating the release of The Best We’ve Been . You could win the Grand Prize, which includes a one-of-a-kind book wreath and a custom designed trust bracelet. Two winners will receive an e-book collection of the Thatcher Sisters Series. The giveaway ends May 19.

 

Being Brave Enough to Choose to Trust (and a Giveaway)

@bethvogt

The Best We’ve Been, the third book in my Thatcher Sisters series, is a story about what happens when you lose control of your life.

The book releases today, during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic. A time when it seems as if each one of us — no matter where we live, no matter our occupation or vocation, or where we are on our faith journey, or our cultural background — is struggling to maintain control of our lives.

We want to find some sense of the way things were before the terms “COVID-19” and “shelter-in-place” and “social distancing” became part of our day-to-day conversations.

Life before all this? It’s getting lost in the midst of schooling our children at home and “Zooming” to connect with co-workers and friends and family and wearing masks while we shop for groceries and deciding if today is the day we’re up to listening to the news, much less trying to decipher it.

We hear people say there’s a new normal coming as certain states start opening back up — there’s another new phrase for you — but we don’t know when normalcy will arrive, much less what it will demand of us.

Losing control of our lives is hard. Life before COVID-19 wasn’t perfect. We woke up to daily disappointments and challenges. But for the most part, we knew what to expect. Our personal battles? Familiar. The global battles? Familiar.

In The Best We’ve Been, my heroine, Johanna, has always relied on herself. She managed her life and survived any disappointments on her own. But when she realizes all the what’s-happening-here circumstances have spun out of her control, Johanna must decide who to trust. And trust is a frightening choice when you’ve been a loner most of your life.

Choosing to trust is an act of surrendering control too, isn’t it? We’re risking our heart with someone else by confiding in them. Relying on them. Hoping they will be there for us when we need them.

Trust is scary, but it’s the only way to have a worthwhile relationship with someone else. A real relationship. And now, more than ever, we need to choose to trust one another.

Being Brave Enough to Choose to Trust https://bit.ly/35jMsGJ #COVID19 #courage
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'The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.' Quote by ErnestHemingway https://bit.ly/35jMsGJ #relationships #trust
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I’m celebrating the release of The Best We’ve Been with a giveaway. You could win the Grand Prize, which includes a one-of-a-kind book wreath and a custom designed trust bracelet. Two winners will receive an e-book collection of the Thatcher Sisters Series.

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Choosing to Heal the Stress that Sprains Our Souls

I stumbled across a new definition of stress the other day. Stress, according to author Richard Carlson, is a sprain to the soul.

Yes, yes, it is.

There’s no denying we’re all stressed right now about too many things.

Carlson’s perspective reframed my understanding of the life we’re all living – stretched out of emotional proportion by the coronavirus pandemic, the financial strain, the shelter-in-place isolation, the lurking what’s-going-to-happen-next fear.

This weighs so heavily on our hearts, minds, and bodies and sprains our souls.

It’s good to acknowledge an injury – to recognize that something is wrong. But even more important, we need to take care of ourselves when we’re hurt. Ignore a physical sprain to an ankle or wrist? The healing process will be prolonged. We may even cause more damage to our bodies.

The same is true when our spirits are wounded, which means we shouldn’t ignore the harm inflicted by unrelenting stress.

Our thought process is impaired, so that we can’t focus.
Our sleep cycle is affected, causing us to either sleep more or not be able to sleep at all.
Fear increases and can develop into anxiety attacks.

In the past few weeks, it’s helped me to just say, “I’m stressed” out loud. To my husband. To trusted friends. To other writers who understand what it’s like to release a book when life is normal, much less trying to do it when my publisher – every single publisher – is trying to function during COVID-19.

Talking about the specifics of our anxiety with other people – and letting them share honestly, too – also helps. We’re physically separated, yes, but we can still rally around one another via texts and phone calls and Zoom meetings and cards and social media comments.

We also need to remember that self-care is an effective antidote to stress.

I’m going to make choices that decrease the strain on my soul. It can be as simple as a walk outside beneath the Colorado blue sky. If I get to talk with my walking and prayer partner, Mary, all the better. Many evenings I fall asleep listening to music that comforts my heart. (Anyone familiar with Caleb and Kelsey?) And I’m a huge fan of Instagram because so many people share uplifting posts. Do you follow TobyMac #SpeakLife? So encouraging.

I’m going keep looking for opportunities to decrease the strain on my soul. Care to join me?

Choosing to Heal the Stress that Sprains Our Souls https://bit.ly/3bORBcj #coronavirus #encouragment #choices
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'Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.' Quote by Henry Ward Beecher https://bit.ly/3bORBcj #choices #stress
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The pre-order giveaway for The Best We’ve Been, my upcoming release, ends tomorrow, April 30! Purchase the E-book for only $7.99 and then enter the giveaway by sending me a photo of your receipt. 

Last chance to win 'the best is yet to come' prize package! The pre-order #giveaway for the #ebook of The Best We've Been ends this Thursday, April 30. Purchase book 3 of this family drama for only $7.99. https://buff.ly/3aJCOzc…
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Choosing Honesty and Hope for the Difficult Days

@bethvogt

I struggled to write this blog post.

For the better part of Tuesday, I thought I just wouldn’t write anything.

The hours kept ticking away, and I kept tossing aside possible topics.

And at ten o’clock Tuesday night I started typing words.

Just how honest would I be?

Life’s been hard the past few days – the kind of physical and mental and spiritual hard where I did the bare minimum that I had to do. Earlier today I found myself saying, “I quit” out loud in the silence of my bedroom.

And I meant it.

I was exhausted with trying oh-so-many things to make myself feel like life is okay in the middle of a pandemic, when every-day-after-day is bookended with news that is divisive and inconclusive at best.

And then you know what happened?

I took a deep breath.

I read Psalm 91 – something I try to do every day since COVID-19 became the theme for 2020.

I took a shower because, well, taking a shower always makes me feel better.

Then I thought: Somebody, somewhere, is praying for me.

That’s when I smiled for the first time yesterday.

Because that wasn’t wishful thinking on my part. That was a God-whisper.

I’ve had difficult days before our country went on lockdown. And I also know I’m not the only person struggling right now. I’m not throwing a virtual pity party, either. This is just me, being honest – and I also want you to know I’m okay.

Life is hard right now. We will get through this – but only if we allow ourselves to admit we’re having tough days.

If today is a rough day for you, realize these 24 hours don’t define you. Call it what it is: a lousy day. Go ahead and take the day off. Take a nap. Ignore a deadline. Watch a movie. Read a book. Read Psalm 91. Eat some chocolate. Bake. Do whatever it takes to get through today.

And know this: Someone is praying for you … because I started praying for you on Tuesday and I haven’t stopped.

 

Choosing Honesty and Hope for the Difficult Days https://bit.ly/3cAKwfA #encouragment #coronavirus
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'Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.' Quote by Martin Luther King Jr https://bit.ly/3cAKwfA #hope #encouragement
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Reading Between the Lines of the Serenity Prayer

@bethvogt

(With acknowledgement to Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971), who wrote the Serenity Prayer.)

God grant me the serenity

  Help me to stay calm. To not yell at my family no matter how much longer we’re quarantined together or say out loud all the snarky comments I’m thinking, even if I do think they’re funny.

  to accept the things I cannot change

  the requirement to wear masks when I’m outside, the downsizing of birthday celebrations, the inability to visit relatives in assisted living facilities, having to cancel graduation ceremonies and weddings and summer vacations  

courage to change the things I can

  my frustrated attitude when the days are too long and I the worry I wrestle with through the night, how this situation leaves me feeling helpless

  and wisdom to know the difference.

  Every day, minute by minute, as I hope and pray for governing authorities who make decisions affecting me and my family and my friends, I need your wisdom, God, to accept what I can’t change and to have strength to change what I can.

Living one day at a time,

  believing Your mercies are new every morning,

 enjoying one moment at a time,

  because there are still things to enjoy despite COVID-19, like laughter and a The Lord of the Rings movie marathon and Zoom coffee get-togethers with friends,

 accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

 hardships like standing six feet from a friend whose mother-in-law just died and not being able to hug her … the loss of a job … financial burdens … loneliness …

  taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

  I’m gonna admit this part is tough to pray because there are days I just want my way. Days I want things back the way they were before I ever heard the word “COVID-19”; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

  Help me to somehow see with your perspective, God. To remember there is more to life than this season of illness. And help me to look past my own desire for happiness today and consider how I might help someone else in some small way.

Amen.

Reading Between the Lines of the Serenity Prayer https://bit.ly/2RAdvrO #serenityprayer #coronavirus
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An Honest Prayer for Serenity in the Midst of COVID-19 https://bit.ly/2RAdvrO #serenityprayer #faith
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How Do We Handle Life When We Feel Like We’re in Limbo?

I asked my friend, Casey, how she was doing with the extended stay-at-home order in Colorado Springs.

“Hanging in there. Trusting God,” she said. “But limbo is a hard place to hang out in.”

Yes, yes, it is.

And that’s what’s wearing on all of us right now: we’re stuck in limbo, waiting for someone to set us free.

The journalist in me had to do just the smallest bit of searching to remember the origin of the word limbo. Get your facts straight, Beth. And no, it has nothing to do with that ridiculous party dance where they keep lowering the long bamboo stick while people bend over backward and try to pass underneath it.

Limbo, in a general sense, is a forgotten or ignored state, place, or situation.

Anybody relate? I would dare say “limbo” aptly describes how most of us feel since the coronavirus mandated that we stay at home and also that we practice socially-appropriate distancing – for our own good and the good, the safety, of others.

I could list in generalities what we’ve lost while battling COVID19. Our comfortable routines replaced with uncertainty and fear. Some of us have lost our jobs. Some of have seen regular school routines upended. Planned graduations disappear. Our “cans” turned into an ever-lengthening list of “can’ts.”

Only you know the specifics of your life right now – the personal limbo you’re living in. You haven’t forgotten your life before all of this. But what you want, what you hope for, certainly seems ignored.

Of course, we know all of these choices, all these hard, right things we’re doing, are necessary if we want to flatten the curve. If we want to beat back this illness and … well, not return to the way things were. That’s not going to happen. The goal is to get through this and become healthy again, as individuals but also as a nation, as a people.

The goal is to recover in so many ways. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Financially. Spiritually.

We want freedom from limbo … this state of feeling stuck. Ignored. Overlooked. And yes, freedom from feeling as if we can’t change what’s happening to us.

The truth is, we can change some things.

We can change our reactions to this life-altering event – Doing so takes intention and anchoring ourselves to truths that will hold us steady.
We can change our reactions to others – Offer family and friends the benefit of the doubt, rather than assuming the worst about someone’s action or inaction. There are other things going on in people’s lives besides COVID19, and we don’t know what other sorrows or anxieties someone else might be bearing at this time.
We can change our reactions to ourselves – Let’s accept we’re not perfect and be okay with that reality. Love ourselves anyway, apply a liberal dose of humor and grace, and try again tomorrow.

My friend Casey is right: living in limbo is hard. But just for today, I’m going to try and not let it get the best of me. And then I’ll try again tomorrow. Care to join me?

How Do We Handle Life When We Feel Like We're in Limbo? https://bit.ly/2xfvJbd #coronavirus #encouragement
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'When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.' Quote by Victor Frankl https://bit.ly/2xfvJbd #challenges #changes
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You can pre-order the e-book of The Best We’ve Been, the third and final book in the Thatcher Sisters Series, for only $7.99. Publishers Weekly says: “[an] excellent final to Vogt’s Thatcher Sisters series …. Vogt paints a realistic portrait of a messy family struggling to deal with the pressures and pains of life. Series fans will be overjoyed by how things wrap up.” Be sure to enter the giveaway! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Do We Choose Love and Grace Over Being Right?

Sometimes I just like being right.

And that’s when I usually end up saying the wrong thing.

Yes, I’m telling you this because I “righted” myself into the wrong corner a few days ago. I didn’t realize how my conversation with my friend Gianna had veered into unexpected territory until she said, “You’re angry with me, aren’t you?”

I stopped talking for a moment. (I’m sure Gianna appreciated the silence.) Then I said, “No, I’m not angry with you.”

And I wasn’t.

What I was doing was trying to convince her of my point of view about something. It doesn’t matter what we were talking about. I had one opinion and she had another and, well, I liked my opinion better than hers.

Ahem.

I thought we were just having a discussion, but somehow what I said … how I said it … how I kept talk-talk-talking … made Gianna think I was angry with her. Our conversation had gone way-wrong, and yes, it was my fault.

Here’s the funny part, friends: before all this happened, I’d planned the topic for today’s blog. And no, I wasn’t going to share about a personal moment of failure, but it is a perfect “don’t do this” example.

My long-distance writer-friend Wendy MacDonald wrote this in her newsletter:

“Conversations led by love lead to life.”

 Her words stayed with me for days, reminding me of the Bible verse encouraging us to speak with grace. (Colossians 4:6)

But my desire to be right ran over love and grace. I wasn’t thinking about loving my friend while I kept restating my opinion. Nope, I was thinking about convincing her. I wasn’t listening to her – except maybe waiting to hear her say, “You’re right.”

Hardly a two-sided conversation, is it?

My One Word for 2020 is “LISTEN,” and my best conversations are when I talk less and listen more.

And that was my misstep the other day. I forgot to listen more than I talked. All because I wanted to be right.

You want to know the most-right thing I did?

I told Gianna I was sorry. And I asked her to forgive me. And being the wonderful friend that she is, she forgave me. She let me change the conversation to something else so we could get back to being us … and get past my mistake.

I’m going to remember that loving conversations lead to life – thanks to my friend Wendy – and look for opportunities to listen more and talk less in the days to come. Care to join me?

How Do We Choose Love and Grace Over Being Right? https://bit.ly/2wQkXYA #relationships #encouragement
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'The first duty of love is to listen.' Quote by Paul Tillich https://bit.ly/2wQkXYA #listening #friendships
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Coronavirus, Christmas, and Choosing Truth to Change Our Attitudes

Have you heard about people putting up their Christmas decorations during the coronavirus pandemic?

I hadn’t considered hauling out my decorations and decking the halls – until yesterday.

I don’t know about you, but I’m still adjusting to life in the midst of COVID-19. It’s a daily tug-of-war between my expectations and reality. Between my emotions and my faith.

My “want to’s” keep colliding with my “can’ts” – and when you multiply that by the four other people living in my house right now, things can get a little tense.

Back to yesterday.

I’m usually the first one up in the morning in my house. I savor that hour or so of quiet, when it’s just me and, well, yes, sometimes the dog, who often insists on getting up, too. The house is quiet and I enjoy my ginger and lemon tea. I turn my thoughts and heart to God and what He might want to say to me.

I’m reading a 40-day devotional, Satisfy My Soul, which was a Christmas gift from my friend, Rachel. Yesterday’s entry highlighted how the writer and his wife leaned into God and who he promises to be, during an extremely difficult time in their lives. They wrote:

“Looking at our everyday lives, families, and jobs, we all know such moments and times when difficulties and problems seem to become larger than life. It’s exactly at those times that we must turn our focus on God and the promises He’s given us—harnessing the power of our words to claim and speak His promises.” (“The Words You Create,” by Veronika and Sebastian Lohmer in Satisfy My Soul.)

 Okay, I was paying attention.

And then there was this: “In difficult, hopeless, depressing, painful, dangerous, and bad situations we are given the chance to proclaim and express the truth even though we feel totally different. We declare who God is, how great Jesus is, how He sees us—and then we boldly declare the fantastic and perfect plans and promises which He has given us.”

 COVID-19? It’s a bad situation for each one of us.

This is our chance to center ourselves on The Truth … even though we don’t feel like it. Even though our circumstances are difficult. Dangerous. Depressing.

Reading the devotional reminded me of Christmas.

I’ve been focusing on the Names of God during the month of March. My favorite name of God? Emmanuel, which means “God with us.”

Yes, God with us is the miracle of Christmas – but it is the miraculous truth of today and tomorrow and every day to come. It’s the truth I’m leaning into during the uncertainty surrounding our days right now.

My husband didn’t hesitate when I asked him to go through the Christmas boxes in our garage last night. It took a while to find the banner made by my friend Tari that says, “Emmanuel.” It now decorates my mantle – and that’s where it will stay to remind me that yes, God is with us. My husband also hung our Christmas star outside. Maybe the light will encourage others that the hope of Christmas isn’t boxed up, turned off, and put away at the end of December.

What about you? Feel like putting up a few Christmas decorations? What truth is getting you through this tough time?

Coronavirus, Christmas, and Choosing Truth to Change Our Attitudes https://bit.ly/2WIZlYO #COVID19 #encouragement
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'God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them.' Quote by @MaxLucado https://bit.ly/2WIZlYO #COVID19 #faith
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Join the read aloud fun each day on my Author Facebook Page at 5 PM! My daughter, Christa, is reading one chapter a day of Things I Never Told You, book 1 in my Thatcher Sisters Series. Chapters 1 & 2 are already available. And the e-book is still only $1.99 through the end of March.