Beth K. Vogt's Blog, page 11

Choose One Word to Change You in the New Year

As 2019 wound down and the new year – and the new decade – approached, I gathered words.

One Words, to be exact.

Let me back up.

Many of you might be concentrating on a list of resolutions for 2020, but I abandoned that practice 14 years ago. Instead, I choose One Word for the year and center my heart and mind on that for 365 days. I no longer fret about losing my list of New Year’s resolutions by the end of January. It’s easy to remember a single word for 12 months.

I should clarify that while it’s easy to remember my One Word, it’s not always easy to apply it. Worthwhile, yes. Life changing, yes. But allowing my One Word to reveal my weaknesses as well as my strengths? That’s the day-to-day challenge of choosing One Word.

My first One Word – chosen way back in 2006 – was gratitude. To be honest, I was a bit of a grumbler with a glass-half-empty attitude until I focused on being grateful for an entire year of my life.

Then there was 2009 when my One Word was forgiveness. I ended up keeping that word for not one, but two years. Forgiveness is too often seen as nothing more than an easy apology. Words spoken and acknowledged. Mission accomplished.

Forgiveness, my friends, is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do.

Different people besides me will be happy to talk to you about finding your One Word. I’ve read a good book about titled My One Word: Change Your Life with Just One Word by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen. Dayspring even has a seven-question quiz to help you find your One Word.

Here’s my three-step process:

 

Take your time. Go past your first impression. It’s okay to think someone else’s word is a great One Word and then wait for yours. Look for repetitions of the word in your life. In songs. In your reading. Let the One Word settle in your heart.
Pray about it. Faith is integral to finding my One Word. I always want God to lead to what he has waiting for me in the new year. I also look for a key Scripture verse to support my word.
Find a visual. It helps to have some sort of visual reminder of your One Word. I’ve used a quote or graphic. Sometimes I’ve made them or sometimes I’ve found them online or locally. Last year, when my One Word was anchor, I wore an anchor necklace and also hung another anchor necklace in my car.

Some of my friends’ One Words for the upcoming year include:

Beauty
Pursue
Joy
Renew
Focus
Imagine

 

I didn’t settle on my One Word for 2020 until mid-November, which is later than usual for me. But once the word rose to the top of possibilities, I was certain it was the right One Word for this year.

Listen.

 That’s my One Word for 2020: Listen.

“Everyone should be quick to listen …” John 1:19 NIV

 But too often we’re too ready to talk – to talk over someone else, to talk before someone else is finished speaking, to talk before we’ve even figured out what we want to say.

And yes, I’m already collecting quotes about listening.

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”

M. Scott Peck (1936-2005), psychiatrist & author

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Stephen R. Covey (1932-2012), author & speaker

 

Do you pick One Word for the New Year? I’d love to know!

 

Choose One Word to Change You in the New Year http://bit.ly/2ZL6Ldx #OneWord #2020
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'No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.' Quote by John Keating http://bit.ly/2ZL6Ldx #2020 #change #DeadPoetsSociety
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Choosing to Define Christmas

How would you define Christmas?

People have a lot to say about Christmas. Just google “quotes about Christmas” and you’ll discover all sorts of things that people think about Christmas.

I happen to like what Dale Evans had to say:

“Christmas, my child, is love in action.”

One brief sentence. Seven simple words. But if you look closer, there’s a life-changing Truth tucked inside.

One specific way I define Christmas is by choosing to slow down. To focus on family and friends. To step back from the busyness of life, which gets all the busier during the holidaze.

My choices define Christmas as significant — more than falalalala and decking the halls that will be taken down and packed away in a few short weeks.

I’ll be blogging again in January 2020. I’ll miss connecting with you and look forward to our conversations in the new year. Until then, I wish you an “all is calm” Christmas.

 

Choosing to Define Christmas http://bit.ly/34PqCtY #perspective #encouragment
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'Christmas, my child, is love in action.' Quote by Dale Evans http://bit.ly/34PqCtY #Christmas2019 #encouragement
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A Thanksgiving Prayer

 

 

 

O, heavenly Father:

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank the for health and remember the sick.

We thank the for friends an remember the friendless.

We thank the for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

that thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

(Abigail Van Buren [1918-2013], American advice columnist)

 

However you spend Thanksgiving Day … may you find reasons to be thankful.

 

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A Thanksgiving Prayer by Abigail Van Buren http://bit.ly/2OCgxtk #gratitude #Thanksgiving2019
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Honesty and Hope for the Holidays

\@bethvogt

 

I was still in elementary school when I learned that tragedy – sorrow, grief – doesn’t take time off for the holidays.

All the houses in our neighborhood were decorated with lights, festive wreaths on the front doors, a few lawns decorated with statues of snowmen or reindeer or candles.

All the houses, save one.

One of the children in that home had died recently – sometime in the days leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas. The house was dark and silent for days.

And it stayed that way, all the way into the new year.

Fast forward to today. Heartbreaking life events continue to upend people’s “all is calm” normalcy. In recent weeks:

Two friends – one longtime friend, one new friend – have been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Several friends-of-friends are reeling from the shock of losing children.
Two wives that I’ve heard of unexpectedly lost their husbands, and now are faced with the task of raising young children alone.
So many friends face the complicated daily struggles of aging parents, while I do the same.

And all of these events are a mere glimpse into what people around the world are facing, day in and day out, as we move toward the holidays and the new year.

In the midst of all this, the closer we come to Thanksgiving, again and again we hear the words “gratitude” and “thankful.” Good words. Needed words.

But it’s so challenging to hold onto these words, much less live them out, when the undertow of grief pulls us down.

At times like these, it’s good to remember that the temporary interruption of the holiday season is not a pause button for real life. And yet …

And yet, the very things the holiday season highlights are what is most needed when we are weighed down by sorrow.

Hope.

Peace.

Love.

Gratitude.

For some, this will be the first holiday season without a loved one. Bestselling author Ann Voskamp suggests that yes, we can even be grateful in our grief.

What are you grateful for about the person?  

 Such a beautiful question – and a way to begin to weave gratitude into our grief.

But if we’re not ready, then don’t force or fake thankfulness. We all have our own journeys through grief and we can’t demand how someone else processes loss.

The world we live in can often drown out grief with piped in music and forced frivolity. May we be present for one another in the coming days, leaving room for our realities, be they joy-filled or grief-filled.

Honesty and Hope for the Holidays http://bit.ly/2qvxsph #grief #relationships
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'Grief, no matter where it comes from, can only be resolved by connecting with other people.' Quote by Thomas Horn http://bit.ly/2qvxsph #sorrow #comfort
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E-book Sale!  

 

My publisher, Tyndale House, is having an ebook sale this month! Check out some of the great books on sale, including Moments We Forget, for only $1.99! 

Choosing to Hear Each Other When We’re Hurting

@bethvogt

Get over it.

Those three words just may be my least favorite words. Ever.

 Quite honestly, I’ve heard the words more than once in my life. Way too many times. Sometimes they’re disguised in the phrase “Don’t be so sensitive.” Three different words – same intent: Get over it.

A number of years ago, I shared a struggle with a friend – how I was just beginning to face the reality of my abuse. It was one of the first times I chose to say anything. A few halting words. Her response? “I find it best to get over it.”

And that was the end of our conversation.

Most often we hear the counsel to “Get over it” after we’ve shared a hurtful experience with someone. How we’re shattered by abuse. Or betrayal. Or an unjust accusation that cut us to the core because someone we considered our friend spoke the lie.

We’re hoping for comfort. For understanding. It’s not about wallowing, but about having a safe place where we’re heard. A few moments where the burden of our heartache is shared before we shoulder it again.

But instead, we hear, “Get over it.”

Instead of the emotional hug we’re longing for – that we need – we experience a verbal slap across the face.

I asked my friend Wise Guy what he thought about advising people to “Get over it” – and yes, I was honest about how I abhorred the advice.

“Telling someone to ‘Get over it’ is telling her to pretend,” Wise Guy said, “or that she doesn’t matter.”

And that’s the point.

We should never tell a friend to fake it when they’re hurting. To put on a “happy face” and act like everything is okay.

We should never make a friend feel like they don’t matter – especially when they’re struggling with a deep heartache that is causing them to question how they manage the emotional fallout of what happened while they figure out how they heal from it.

I’ll say it again: This is not about wallowing in our pain. But we all deserve the time and space to acknowledge our pain, to process the cause of our pain, and to heal from our wounds.

In our pain, we need to be wise about who we go to for comfort and counsel. Not everyone is going to understand. Not everyone can be there for us and point us to healing. As my husband so wisely pointed out, some people are not equipped to help us, and some people have not healed from their own wounds.

But it’s also important to remember that healing is not accomplished by pretending or by being invalidated.

Healing is not accomplished by pretending or by being invalidated.

I always search for just the right quote to accompany my blog posts and settled on Helen Keller’s words:

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

Such hope there, isn’t it? That’s what we should offer one another when we’re hurting: hope.

I also found these additional words that spoke truth:

 

“It’s not the forgetting that heals. It’s remembering.” Amy Greene (1975-), American novelist

 

“Everybody has losses – it’s unavoidable in life. Sharing our pain is very healing.” Isabel Allende (1942-), Chilean author

 

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16: 24 (NIV)

 

How do you offer hope to someone who is hurting and ensure that they feel heard?

Choosing to Hear Each Other When We're Hurting http://bit.ly/32N2TZD #listen #relationships
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'Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.' #Quote by Helen Keller http://bit.ly/32N2TZD #perspective #hope
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E-BOOK SALE!

Moments We Forget, book 2 in my Thatcher Sisters Series, is still on sale for only $1.99. It’s a great time to get — or gift — a copy. 

Moments We Forget, book 2 in the Thatcher Sisters Series by @bethvogt, is still on sale for only $1.99! It's a great time to get - or gift - a copy of the #ebook. https://buff.ly/2uzRAVM #sale #booklovers @Crazy4Fiction
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Making Room for Each Other This Holiday Season

@bethvogt

 

The holiday season is fast-approaching. Thanksgiving? A mere 22 days away. Christmas? Only 48 days. New Year’s Eve? Counting down 54 days.

We all have our do’s and don’ts when it comes to celebrating the holidays – or not celebrating the holidays because, let’s be honest, some people aren’t thankful for all the fa-la-la-la-la.

I’ve never hated the holidays. But there have been times when circumstances have so weighed down my heart that I’ve wanted to opt out of the seemingly mandatory to-do’s. It’s difficult to be present, much less joyful, when your heart is shattered. I remember one Christmas I was facing a harsh reality. That’s the year I learned truth isn’t always pretty. Sometimes truth is unyielding, and there’s no dressing it up with tinsel.

Maybe for some of us the holiday season is only difficult because of the circumstances we’re facing right now – a health crisis or a personal loss. And then there are others who can’t remember a time when they haven’t dreaded the holidays. They’d like to fast-forward past “the most wonderful time of the year” and just start 2020 without a countdown and forced fanfare.

Does it ever seem like there’s an emotional tug of war when it comes to our holiday preferences? Those in favor of holiday fun line up on one side of the season across from those who’d rather give the holidays a cold shoulder and a “Bah humbug!”

Consider the fictional Scrooge in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol for just a moment. There was more to the miserly Scrooge’s aversion to the holiday than people realized – more to the story of why Scrooge hated the holidays. His anger covered up a lot of hurt, didn’t it?

I’m realizing there are basically two types of people in the world: those who love the hustle and bustle of the holidays and those who don’t. But I’m also learning that whether we like the holidays or not can change from year to year, given our circumstances. Oftentimes people who are struggling choose not to mention it. They just carry on, not wanting to interfere with everyone else’s fun.

Why are the holidays hard?

Asking this question requires that we unpack the holidays. There’s no way a few holidays, dressed up with festive lights, can bear up under the weight of all our spoken and unspoken expectations.

We put an awful lot of pressure on the holiday season. It’s as if we expect the holidays – the lights, the music, the food, the activities – to make up for any of the disappointments and discouragements and heartaches and anger that has been stuffed into the preceding months of the year. As if the continual background music that tells us that home for the holidays is a good place to be can drown out all the reasons why some of us can’t go home. Why some of us choose not to go home.

The point of this post? It’s just to say out loud that the holidays can be difficult for people around us. And maybe by reading these words we also give ourselves the freedom to admit if we’re not quite sure how we’re going to navigate the upcoming season, either. If we’re not quite sure we’re ready for any of it.

Let’s offer each other more grace this year, where we don’t have to fake our way through today or tomorrow … all the way into the New Year. Instead of pushing through, let’s find a way to be more honest with one another. If you love the holidays, that’s wonderful. Live your traditions out loud. If the holidays are hard? That’s your truth, no shame in admitting it. Find someone safe to share with, who will offer you a listening ear and words of comfort. There’s room enough for each one of us this holiday season.

Making Room for Each Other This Holiday Season http://bit.ly/2NPx50q #holidays #expectations #stress
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'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.' Quote by Socrates http://bit.ly/2NPx50q #kindness #relationships
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My publisher, Tyndale House, is having an ebook sale this month! Check out some of the great books on sale, including Moments We Forget for only $1.99! 

Choosing to Listen to Our Children

@bethvogt

 

My husband and I spent the weekend in Minnesota visiting our youngest daughter at college. I took thousands of photos of Christa’s volleyball team during practice and the two matches the team played on Friday and Saturday. We took her off campus for “real food.” But my favorite part?

The time at the Mall of America.

Let me explain.

I’d called the activity for the day on Sunday, our last day there: time together, just Rob, me, and Christa. But what to do? Hanging at the mall might not rank high on my husband’s list of favorite things to do, but the mall provided lots of room to walk and talk and yes, some more “real food” for Christa.

Late breakfast? Bubba Gump’s. Then we strolled the expansive mall and saw the indoor amusement park, complete with a water ride and Ferris wheel, and the art display of football helmets commemorating the 100th anniversary of the NFL. Yes, we took photos by different family members’ favorite teams. Unexpected dessert later in the day? A stop at Carlo’s Bake Shop for cannoli and a strawberry éclair. Neither was gluten-free, but it was fun to see Rob and Christa enjoy their treats. We’re also fans of the TV show Cake Boss.

And now I come to my favorite part of our weekend, which happened as we sat at a round table outside Carlo’s Bake Shop.

The three of us talked. And talked. And talked. For almost 3 hours. For most of that time, Christa talked. About life at college. Her classes. Volleyball. Her faith. Her friendships. How much she loved being in Minnesota. How much she missed family and being home.

Rob and I did very little talking and a whole lot of listening.

And that … that is the part of our visit I keep replaying in my mind.

It was a special kind of joy to listen to Christa talk about her life. What she’s learning. Her struggles. Her decision-making process. Her insights.

One of the greatest privileges we parents have is the opportunity to listen to our children. When they’re younger, they live with the whole “listen to your parents” creed, and sometimes … sometimes as they grow up, we forget to transition to talking and listening, overlooking the value of listening to our children.

Oh, sure. We’re the parents and we have things to teach our kids. Good things.

But I’ve learned through the years that my children teach me good things too. They see things differently than I do. Sometimes their approach to life, to relationships, is better than mine. More creative. More forgiving. More fun. And if I’m willing to watch and listen, I learn about who they are. And sometimes I’m changed in the process too.

Listening to Christa during those few hours at the mall, I recognized she’s still my daughter … and also that she’s changing. And that’s as it should be. There’s room in our relationship for both. And if we keep loving one another – and listening to one another – we’ll get through these college years just fine.

Choosing to Listen to Our Children http://bit.ly/36eln86 #family #change
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'Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.' Quote by Alan Alda http://bit.ly/36eln86 #perspective #relationships #listen
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When Words are Powerful Enough to Change Our Perspective

 

@bethvogt

It’s that time of year again, friends.

What time of year? The time when I ask, “Are you a resolution kind of person or a One Word kind of person?”

I’m wrapping up my 14th year choosing One Word for the year and I haven’t missed New Year’s resolutions. At all.

 Writing up a list? Don’t miss it.

Comparing my list to other people’s lists and rewriting it? Don’t miss it.

Losing said list within days of writing it? Don’t miss it.

 The advantage of picking One Word to focus on? It’s difficult to lose track of a single word – even if I wanted to. And when my One Word is paired with a Scripture verse and a visual of some sort – a photograph or a plaque or a piece of jewelry I wear almost every day of the year – I’m reminded of my word for the year twice-over.

This year? Things are a bit different than in years past. How so, you ask? Am I going back to resolutions?

No and no and no.

But usually by this time I have my One Word for the upcoming year. And my verse. And my visual.

Right now?

I got nothing for 2020.

This year’s One Word was “Anchor,” and I looked forward to lasering in on that word. Anchor linked back to my 2014 One Word “Think,” where I focused on anchoring my thoughts on the truth. With the word Anchor, I wanted to do the same thing, spurred on by my anchor verses – specific Bible verses that I return to again and again during difficult times.

As the year progressed, I kept thinking, “Anchoring my thoughts is so much harder than I expected!”

Then I had breakfast with my friend, Starry, who likes to sail. We were talking about anchoring our thoughts and she said, “You know, it’s really hard to anchor a boat.”

  Really?

And Starry went on to tell my how it’s easy to dock a boat. But how, when you anchor a boat, you’re working against the wind and the current – circumstances that can change so quickly.

Circumstances can change so quickly.

Ah! With her words, I finally understood what was going on. Circumstances – the reason it’s difficult to anchor a boat – are the same reason it’s difficult to anchor our thoughts.

I wasn’t failing during these past months. I was learning. Trying. Not quitting. Day in and day out, I was anchoring my thoughts, adjusting to the changes in my circumstances.

Starry changed my thinking about my One Word – and about the past 10 months.

Sometimes it takes the words of a friend to change our perspective.

No, I don’t have my One Word for 2020 yet, and I’m okay with that.

And, even more, I am much encouraged about my One Word for this past year as I’m waiting for my One Word for the upcoming year. Listening with my heart. Praying.

What about you? Do you prefer resolutions or One Word? Or something else completely different?

When Words are Powerful Enough to Change Our Perspective http://bit.ly/32QHcIA #words #change
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'No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.' Quote by John Keating http://bit.ly/32QHcIA #quote #words #perspective
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The Problem of Letting “What If?” Lead Us into Our Future

@bethvogt

 

Most mornings I wake up and wander into the bathroom down the hall, step on to the small electronic scale, and start the morning off with a quick check of my weight.

Some mornings it’s an “all good” kind of day.

And some mornings it’s an “uh-oh” kind of day.

My reaction is directly related to my actions – my eating and exercise – during previous days. It’s as simple as that.

Over the years, I’ve also learned how much the two words “What if?” weigh.

Such a simple question, “What if?” But those two syllables? Those six letters? They weigh an emotional ton. Asking “What if?” weighs down my heart and mind just as if I’ve encased them in virtual cement.

 

What if I things don’t go the way I want them to?


What if I disappoint someone?


What if I this job doesn’t work out?


What if this problem doesn’t get solved – what if it only gets worse, not better?


What if I can’t fix my friendship? My child? My marriage?

 

What if … what if … what if …

I wrestle with the words and always end up exhausted. And I never win.

Why?

Because asking “What if?” is trying to figure out not just this moment or today or tomorrow, which is difficult enough. “What if?” is taking on the future – every last bit of it.

And there’s no way we can bear the weight of all the unknown days ahead of us.

Some days it’s enough of a challenge to manage the circumstances staring us in the face. The communication breakdown with a loved one. The I’ll-never-catch-up work overload. The chronic pain. Even the joy-filled situations like planning a wedding or anticipating the birth of a long-awaited baby can sometimes seem too much.

When we face an unknown situation and ask “What if?” we burden ourselves with an untenable emotional load that settles, not on our shoulders, but on our hearts.

We reach into the future and concoct all sorts of possible answers – all of them imaginary. None of us can foretell the future, although at times we try.

The only way to avoid weighing ourselves down with “What ifs”? To determine to mentally stay in today.

  “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

It’s as simple – and as challenging – as that. We have to choose to ignore the “What ifs?” and stay in today, stay focused on our now, rather than pretending we know what the future holds for us, and overloading ourselves with all sorts of imagined anxieties.

We just don’t know.

Asking “What if?” leads us into the future one way: with worry. Let’s choose another road, shall we?

 

The Problem of Letting 'What If?' Lead Us Into Our Future http://bit.ly/2VPZS8P #worry #choices
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'Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.' Quote by Benjamin Franklin http://bit.ly/2VPZS8P #quotes #worry
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Remember to be Kind … And Forget to be Angry

@bethvogt

Did you hear about former president George W. Bush sitting next to talk show host Ellen DeGeneres at an NFL football game this past weekend between the Dallas Cowboys and the Green Bay Packers?

There was quite a Twitter controversy about it. People were upset, wondering why a gay Hollywood liberal was sitting next to a conservative Republican president.

DeGeneres talked about it on her self-named afternoon talk show. A lot of truth laced with her trademark humor. I applaud what she had to say:

“… I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different and I think that we’ve forgotten that we’re all different …. When I say ‘be kind to one another,’ I don’t mean only the people that think the same way you do. I mean be kind to everyone. It doesn’t matter.”

Here’s the thing: I know people who would sit beside George W. Bush at a football game. And I know people who would sit beside Ellen DeGeneres – maybe hoping for a chance to pull some dance moves with her. I also know people who would sit between them, excited to talk to both Bush and DeGeneres. And I know people who wouldn’t enter that private box (they were invited to the game by the owner of the Dallas Cowboys) because either Bush was there or DeGeneres was there.

As DeGeneres pointed out, somehow, someway, we’re forgetting that we’re all different. Or maybe we’ve made our differences a bad thing. (I may get some comments on that sentence.) Let me clarify: We may not agree with someone’s life choices, but does that mean someone is so different from us that there’s not enough kindness to bridge the gap stretching between us?

Which brings to mind an extraordinary act of kindness that made the news last week. Police officer Amber Guyer received a hug from the brother of the man that she’d been convicted of killing. A hug and words of love.

Kindness? Yes. An act of grace? Absolutely.

BE KIND TO EVERYONE.

Nowadays we seem to so easily forget how to be kind – but we have no problem remembering how to be angry.  

Let’s not leap past these media moments like sound bites to be debated – applauded or criticized, depending on your viewpoint.

Let’s remember this: Kindness. For everyone.

 

Remember to be Kind ... And Forget to be Angry http://bit.ly/2MCz8EP #bekind #perspective
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'Always be a little kinder than necessary.
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