Tom Clempson's Blog, page 13
September 17, 2011
World of CraftWar: The Rise of the Little Ladies With Needles & Thread
Urgly burgly! It's all been go in our house these past couple of days. Whilst I've been finishing some rewrites on my 2nd book (which will be the first rewrites of many), my Laura wife has been fighting for the rights to her own business!
Bla bla bla, you can read all about that headache over on her blog. The cool stuff that I want to tell you about is how the entire internet world has gotten behing her and rallied in her defense (Whooh! It's a good job 'defense' doesn't mean anything rude, like… I better not finish that sentence, because I don't want to die).
Anyway, anyway, anyway, she had this big thing where one of her designs was being all copyright theft…ed (or infringed, I don't know) and she wrote a blog post and tweeted about it, and before you know it her story is running on the front page of some things (can you tell I researched all the details real good?) and the entire crafting community jumped to her aid and it's become really big and everything.
How awesome is that? She was in need of help, and even though they had nothing to gain from it, a mass of people came to fight in her corner. I LOVE this! A similar thing happened in the crafting universe a few years ago when one blogger's little egg cosy design began to appear in a huge supermarket beginning with T and ending with ESCO. Aparrently this kind of thievery goes on a lot in the land of craftdom, but luckily there are the craft warriors all looking out for each other, and fighting the corporate bullies into submission.
So, yes, the internet can be used for bad things, like arranging riots and looting and horrible crimes and bad porn, and searching for independent designer to pilfer from, but it can also be used for good things too, like catching looters and preventing horrible crime, and nice porn, and gathering together to protect the little man (I mean the everyday person, not just Warwick Davis). Yes, people and the internet can be and are awesome.
Does this happen in other industries too? I only ever hear of it happening with crafty designer folk (the mass internet defense, not the mass corporae thievery unfortunately). I hope so. I also hope it happens in day to day life stuff too, because I have a serious bone to pick with one particular nob of a bus driver… and traffic warden… and train ticket inspector… and lady at supermarket checkout…
United we stand.
No related posts.
September 12, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Can you see why I thought it was pancake day yesterday? It confused my little brain! http://t.co/b6DzEwd #
Last chance to sign the petition to save BBC4 cuts. Of all places to amputate they are choosing the brain http://t.co/CkniIDs #
This is what happens if mummy leaves her workout DVD playing http://t.co/RlWEF1M #
Dear Twitter, please help with a bit of research: how much does a small portion of chips cost? #
I have now officially finished draft one of Jack Samsonite 2! It's on it's way to my agent and im feeling elated and sick! WOOHOOO! #
Draft 1 of Jack Samsonite 2 is done and dusted. Draft 1 of brand new project begins! #
Please watch Amy Plum's video. So nice, so moving, so true. http://t.co/V0uM1Er
I heart @iHeartRevenants #itgetsbetter #
Thank you for the #ffs @CarlyleL @JanMetalman @Ralf_GB001 #
#FF my old uni bud, first year flatmate and weight watching warrior (and photographer) @Weight_Wars #
Newly updated Reviews page incl. @ciclovesbooks @raimy_rawr @MailOnline @GirlfriendMAG @empireofbooks @the_reader_room http://t.co/Ku3oRdr #
If you've written a Jack Samsonite review but don't find it on my reviews page, please let me know and I'll link you in http://t.co/Ku3oRdr #
World Suicide Prevention Day today. It's 3 months too late for my brother, but it's not too late for others. It's… http://t.co/R7EHe9P #
My sweet little daughter is running round the living room shouting 'made up' words. Unfortunately she's stuck with her favourite – "Flange!" #
It's Sunday. It's 8.37am. And I've been up for over 3 hours already! *quickly tries to invent maintenance-free babies* #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
September 5, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Possibly the prettiest council toilet I have seen! (bring on the cutbacks!) http://t.co/FbvaNCW #
Luckily I get to wash my hands before I leave! http://t.co/x6S5SSN #
These bathroom notices were very helpful though. In the pitch dark!!! http://t.co/qnqelC5 #
Ever since last weeks brutal attack I keep seeing wasps EVERYWHERE! #
Just when everyone starts complaining about Autumn arriving, elusive Mr Sun pops out to remind us all there's 3 more weeks of summer! #
I hate it when coffee doesn't work! #
#ff Thank you! @Ralf_GB001 @JanMetalman @CethanLeahy & lovely @midnightreads #
Genuine tweeters beware, if you tweet me and have a stunning profile pic I assume you are spam and automatically delete! (sorry) #
#FF #ThankYou!!! @Neeky78 @collegenewbie95 @WeFancyBooks @GoldenAgeofGeek #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
September 2, 2011
The Best & Worst Things About Getting Older.
For me, the worst thing about getting older isn't my constantly receding hairline (I always wanted a receding hailrine. I even used to draw a Christopher Lee widows peak on my head when I was younger); it isn't going grey (I heard that you don't lose hair once it greys); it isn't even getting plump around the belly-button region (there's always exercise!). No, for me, the worst thing about getting older, is getting boring. Christmas isn't half as exciting. I hardly ever play kiss chase. And my childhood dream house is slowly being overshadowed by common sense, practicality and lack of money.
That is why I have decided to document the remaining memories of my childhood dreamhouse, before I forget them forever.
My childhood dream house was never a very practical one. It had all my favourite soft drinks on tap (and not those crappy pub taps, I mean cola, lemonade, tango, cream soda all coming out of a long row of kitchen taps). It had cinema screens all over the place (including in the garden), it had secret passages, secret stairways, secret gardens; a whole complex of treehouses (Ewok village style), and so much more that I've already forgotten. Another thing it had was a whole bunch of interconnected swimming pools. Split level rooftops would be connected by water slides, then a big chute would slip you down to a garden pool, which would also channel into an indoor pool.
Another thing I always wanted was a room completely lined with air cushioned velcro walls, so that you could go in and bounce around in a velcro suit, then hurl yourself at any wall/ceiling and stick there (would have to be done with a pull-me-down partner though). That would be fun!
And my favourite element of my childhood dream house, the only bit that I still would actually want today in a real life functioning house, is the super-duper staircase (as seen in my super-duper messy and confusing sketch). Basically, instead of just having boring stairs, you had the option of moving between the balconies of the many levels of the house. You could use slides, zip wires, tarzan ropes, fireman's poles…
Why are none of these things incorporated into our everyday homes?! Why walk down when you can slide? Because houses are only ever designed by grown-ups, that's why. And it's about time things changed around here. Bring in more child architects I say! Who cares if the houses aren't safe, or watertight, or possible? Fun is the issue here.
But unfortunately the childhood dream house is a bit of a catch 22, to allow it to slip away in the sands of time is just sad, but for an adult to ever actually own it? That's even sadder. And weird. And a bit creepy (two words: Neverland Ranch). So I guess I'll just have to look forward to growing old, getting my meals delivered to my door, having a bath tub with a door in the side, a bed that becomes a chair at the click of a button, and one of those super-duper chairlift things. (Getting old is beginning to sound cool!).
No related posts.
August 29, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Glad no one came knocking on the door this evening (I've been wearing pants on my head without realising!) #
They've been warning rain for 3 days & all I've had is sunshine. Have a horrible feeling that today they may be right… http://t.co/XXEoZPL #
And I was going to sit under this tree to write! #stupidweather http://t.co/9YAfqxL #
I see blue sky! I'm off! (I also see a hole in the trees in the shape of a fat running chicken) http://t.co/tMXWtCi #
All signs of rain now gone. Sun is shining. Sat under the tree with a coffee and my book (could be a memory to savour!) http://t.co/cHrSOXP #
The sun is still shining & I am now writing under THIS tree. You'll love it! (if you're into pics of laptops & trees) http://t.co/pjOJhHu #
To everyone who was enthralled by my tree tweets yesterday, this is my writing-under-a-tree view this morning! Excited? http://t.co/ag36v51 #
Only 4 months till Christmas! #
Ooh-la-la! I got a lovely mention in lovely @Keris's lovely (and really rather funny) blog post! http://t.co/KyASLBU #
No related posts.
August 22, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
"@GaspItsChami: @tomclempson Yes, even worse when you friend agree's with her own mum." forgot about that! So true @imaaronvincent @Kate_GT #
Very cool, but bad. The guys in my local Costa saw me coming and had my coffee ready and waiting when I arrived! #
Good luck exam result folk! Don't worry if you flop. They're not as important as they seem right now (& I got an N for Theatre Studies. N!!) #
I'm penniless, weetabixless, and a bit ill, but feeling surprisingly upbeat and very positive. Nothing in the world a smile can't fix… #
Please give my local Waterstones a warm Twitter welcome (they're very nice)! @WaterstonesAlty #
#FF & THANK-U to all these spanky wondernuts @Serendipity_Viv @Neeky78 @JanMetalman @CethanLeahy @WeFancyBooks @iHeartRevenants @andrea01563 #
Quote of the day: "Mummy, Daddy was playing with my Barbie!" 3yr old (temporarily not my) daughter. #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
August 21, 2011
Stung For The First Time
My name is Tom Clempson, I am 31 years old and today was my very first sting.
Frickin' wasps! What gives? We had a deal! I teach others not to panic in your presence, how to calmly escort you from thr premises instead of screaming like a loon and twatting you with a magazine, and so far our peace treaty has been a success. So what the hell happened today?! All I did was walk under a tree, and one of your rookie little twats decides to sting the crap out of my arm! I didn't call him any names, make derogatory comments about his mother, or even stuff him up my T-shirt and jump around the place like a crazy person. I just walked under a tree! Have you not told him about our agreement? Did he not get the memo? Okay, so he probably got scared by the sleeve of my T-shirt and just panicked, but really, this is not acceptable. I felt the sting, I looked down, he was hanging from my arm by his butt, and I calmly blew him away (with air from my mouth, not a shotgun, that would have just been silly). I watched him fall to the ground and I could have stomped him then and there, but I didn't. Luckily for him there was one thing on his side…
The general public have grossly over-exaggerated the pain of a wasp sting! General public! What gives? There I was, with a wasp's butt dangling from my arm and I'm thingking 'what should I do? Should I go see a pharmacist right away? Should I apply a tourniquet? Am I going to need medical assistance?!' I actually sucked the venom out I was so worried (or maybe that's why it didn't really hurt?). Okay, so it did feel like I was having a blood test for about 20 minutes after the incident (another thing that is made out to be 100 times more painful than it actually is) and a section of my arm, in a one inch radius of the sting, did swell up quite a lot (luckily I don't share my mum's horrible allergic reaction) and now, ten hours later, it feels like I have a splinter or something. But really, it's not much more painful than stinging nettles, which I would knowingly wade through as a child (as long as there was a really cool rope swing on the other side).
Still, wasps, that does not excuse what you, as a species, have done to my arm, as an… arm. I could have killed your renegade soldier, but I didn't. I stuck to the terms of our aliance. you did not.
You have seriously gone in my bad books. Bees, however, remain in my good books. I have still never been stung by one of them, and I've leant on one of them, I picked one up and half squashed it in my pile of laundry! And you guys don't even make honey!!! Bees clearly have respect for the code of our aliance. You do not. Consider this a warning. Cross me once more, and I promise you, there will be blood. Wasp blood. On my shoe. Tell your trigger happy butt-plungers to lay down their stings, or believe me, I will go all Bush/Blair on your asses and an all-out war will be declared, of which there will be no end and no winner. But wasps… will… die.
On a completely different note, we had a joint birthday party picnic in the park for my kids today (age 1 and 3), which was really rather pleasant! (but I won't go on about that because my Laura lady wife lady has taken care of that on her Cupcakes for Clara blog).
No related posts.
August 15, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
"@katie_khan: Seriously. Watch this video. #LondonRiots #Woolwich http://t.co/fD5UTiZ" The Real Planet of the Apes. Frightening. #
The news keeps calling them 'rioters' and even 'protesters'. I wish they'd just call them what they are – 'TWATS'! #
RT "@midnightreads: Check out what I got In My Mailbox featuring @Jkagawa @tomclempson and more http://t.co/8d350zc" #
The old man sat opposite me in coffee shop has bought 2 bottles of water & fallen asleep. This amuses and confuses me but I don't know why! #
Recognise any Manc looters? "@gmpolice: Can you help identify any of these people involved in disorder last night? http://t.co/hAlEQ9P" #
Today I have spoken to 6 whole people & 2 half people (but only one of them had a bread roll on their head) #
Heehee! Just watched a guy get caught out and confused by one of those ladies who do that 'kiss the air either side of your face' thing. #
It's raining it's pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed
with a cow on his head
And couldn't get up in the morning #
TY @midnightreads you're splendid and nice!!! @josieangelini @iHeartRevenants @lainitaylor @LarissaIone @melissa_marr @jossstirling #FF #
Trying to organise the structure of Jack Samsonite 2. I think I've fried my brain! #
Thank you Andrea!!! "@andrea01563: #FollowSaturday @MarcRyanJordan @tomclempson @Adam_Pettigrew please follow xxxxxx" #
He may be returning to the metal scene, but he will now always be that guy from The Gilmore Girls http://t.co/KzaOGzr #
My local coffee shop, The Cake Gallery in Bowdon, is awesome! (They just noticed that I was writing, so turned radio 1 off!) #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
August 14, 2011
My (weird) 1st (pukey) Official (anal-ish) Book Signing (thing)
I was expecting my first ever proper book signing in a real book shop to be kind of weird. And I wasn't disappointed. The weirdest parts were probably these bits…
The part when someone said to me "Stick it in the back, it's tighter there."
The parts when I repeatedly had to talk people out of buying my book.
The bit when someone threw up on my signing table.
Allow me to explain.
Last week was my little sister's birthday (Happy Birthday Naomi!) and two days after that was my big brother's birthday (Happy Birthday Ben!), which also happened to be the same day as my eldest brother's birthday (who died two months ago, but Happy Birthday Joss! Just in case my blog reaches you where you are), which was also the day of my first ever book signing (the one I did at latitude festival barely counts since I didn't actually sign any books – not on request at least, but that was a whole other blog post). The venue was Deansgate Waterstone's in Manchester – an AMAZING book shop, which also acted as one of the locations in my multi award winning* treasure hunt video.
It wasn't quite as daunting as I'd expected, and was really quite enjoyable. This was mostly because Waterstone's hadn't received any posters or wotnot to publicise my signing, but the fairytale event that was going on in the same 'wing' had proved to be quite popular, so the first few hours was mostly spent chatting with little kids who would ask "Did YOU write this whole book?!" all wide-eyed and full of awe, and I would reply "Why, yes. Yes I did" all smug and full of self-importance. Then they would go "What's it about?" and I would go "Erm… it's… errrr…" and they would go "Mum! Please can I have this book?!" and I would go "Really, no. I don't think it's very suitable. Maybe in another six years or so, when you're in double-figures."
Yes. I spent most of my time DISUADING people from buying my book! (Not too sure I've got this whole 'promoting' thing entirely sussed).
Me signing a copy for nobody
Luckilly things did begin to pick up. I signed a copy for an old lady and another copy to a very kind woman who didn't actually know any teenage boys to gift my book to, but was sure she might meet one some day, so purchased a copy anyway. Then, about thirty minutes before I was due to leave, people began to appear! Not only did my brother and sister and 'entourage' (that sounds cooler than writing 'my mum and dad and some friends') arrive, all wanting signed copies, but the blogger responsible for posting the first ever review of 'One Seriously Messed-Up Week' (the lovely Bungle, from Midnight Reads!) also happened to be passing through and ended up buying a sympathy copy. This sudden rush of attention helped spark some interest in the sad little guy sat at the table, which lead to even more signings, including the one where someone said 'Slip it in the back, it's tighter there' (which was actually in reference to where a bookmark should be placed in a book).
Me with Bungle from Midnight Reads
Me with my mummy!
Among the many adoring fans* I received were my very own little family – crafty blogger wife Laura (aka 'Cupcakes For Clara'), our little girl Matilda, who is 3 this week (Happy Birthday Matilda!), and out little boy Theo, who was 1 yesterday (Happy Birthday Theo!). And it was this little blighter, this insanely happy little babay boy, who decided to retch on a rice cake and projectile vomit a belly full of milk all over my signing table! Which resulted in me spending my final ten minutes in store cleaning up sick!
My little daughter kindly took over signing duties when I had to go for a toilet break
He's not as cute when he's spraying vomit at your face!
So, yeah, it was just another glitzy day in the high-profile life of the award winning* author that is me. Tune in next time when I shall be telling you all about when I was interviewed on Scunthorpe Hospital radio and was shat on by a Psych Ward escapee!*
* All lies.
Related posts:Book Birthday Recap
August 8, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PICTURE (it's a banana in my car) http://t.co/GnLHvYI #
Just had an early lunch – 3 sandwiches, milky way, banana, apple, grapes… And now I'm hungry! #
So… BIG NEWS… according to the bathroom wall… 'Gary J has no nob!' (could just be vicious rumour though) #newsfromthebathroomwall #
I'll be signing at Deansgate Waterstones Manchester on Saturday (12 – 4). Drop in and say hi! @wsdeansgate @AtomBooks #
Have we had 'Hip Breaker' yet? (the adventures of a faulty Zimmer frame) #bookswithalettermissing @AtomBooks #
If you're within a 4hr drive of Manchester this weekend why not pop in to my signing event at Deansgate… http://fb.me/IdTuyhKU #
Groups of people that take up all the pavement but don't move to let you pass used to really piss me off. But now I'm a man with a pram. #
Don't forget to stop by Deansgate Waterstones tomorrow, where I'll be signing copies of 'One Seriously Messed Up Week' 12 – 4. Come chat! #
I am now off to my special writing place (a nearby location with no phone coverage, so I can't be tempted by twitter, email & Facebook) #
I don't usually find Princess Diaries Anne Hathaway very attractive, but I might have to change my mind (CAT WOMAN!!!) http://t.co/yxxg98U #
"@MessengerNews_: Milkman's van stolen during his round in Partington http://t.co/stjgEjs" #newsthatsoundsfunny #
Thank you for the #FF @CarlyleL @Ralf_GB001 @andrea01563 !!! #
Drop into Deansgate Waterstones in Manchester tomorrow. I'll be discussing/signing my Jack Samsonite book from 12 – 4 @wsdeansgate #
I'm having a very pleasant time signing my book and chatting in Waterstones Deansgate (Manchester) Come along! @wsdeansgate #
Did my signing at Waterstones today and met one of my favourite bloggers/tweeters/humans – Bungle from @midnightreads !!! #
'tis actually true! "@spikeenick: saw @tomclempson today and he proclaimed his love for me in the cover of his new book" #
"@GaspItsChami: @tomclempson WHY DO I NOT LIVE IN AMERICA ?" me too! #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
