Tom Clempson's Blog, page 11
December 11, 2011
A Christmas Mistake!
What the hell is going on with the world?! Or, to be more precise, what the hell is going on inside the heads of the readers of the up-market British TV guide 'Radio Times'?
They recently published their reader's poll of favourite Christmas movies, which started off completley spot on, with It's a Wonderful Life taking first place, and A Muppet's Christmas Carol in 2nd, but from then on it all started going horribly wrong (Love Actually at No.3???!!! Really?).
How did films like The Railway Children and The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe make it into the top 25, but PROPER Christmas classics like A Christmas Story (not very well known in the UK) and Holiday Inn (shamefully overshadowed by its crappy remake – White Christmas) only make it into the top 50 (only published on-line, here)?
Worse than that, one of the most important Christmas films to have ever been made didn't make the list at all! Not even the top 50!!! Okay, so when I say 'most important' I may actually mean 'most watched by me between the ages of 14-23′, but no one can deny the genius of watching Chevy Chase get hit in the head by ladder, or hearing him accidently tell the big-boobed sales girl that it's a bit 'nipply' out! Yes, it might be a bit crap and pointless, but do annual Saturday afternoon reshowings on ITV1 count for nothing in this country? How did it not make the list?! It has the word 'Christmas' in the title! Unlike 'Tales From the Crypt', 'The Poseidon Adventure' and 'The French Connection'!
So, to make up for this obsene omition, I hereby open my own Top 25 Christmas Films list…
1. It's aWonderful Life
2. A Muppets Christmas Carol
Blah, blah, blah…
18. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Now all is right in the world. Phew!
(P.S. sorry for any weird spelling mistakes etc. I'm typing this really quickly, and my brain/finger coordination is never really very good).
No related posts.
December 5, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Not much time to tweet lately. SOOO busy working! And walking (car still broke). And waking (can't breathe through snot-nose). I'll be back. #
I've just been in @Wstones_Arndale with @cupcakes4clara and we met @Keris & @raimy_rawr !!!! #starstruck #
Watching Frosty with Matilda. Got to end where Frosty melts in greenhouse, Matilda starts GIGGLING, turns to me & says 'Woops!' #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
November 28, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
2 minutes until 'The Worlds Greatest Ever Competition in the World Ever'! Tell your friends! #
1st to Guess what's in the bowl on her head, OR why she has the cold compress, wins some useless junk from my cellar! http://t.co/ry6hTzbj #
Join in! Guess what is in the bowl on Matilda's head OR why she has the ice pack on her face & you could win junk! http://t.co/UFdqw7Ru #
Someone is getting very close to winning my 'What's wrong with my daughter's head?' #competition Beat her to it if you want to #win #
We have a winner!!! Matilda got hit in the eye by her baby brother with a sippy-cup! Well done @Rose_Hatty ! http://t.co/PnBgUzTK #
PS it was dishwasher tablets in the bowl on her head (obviously)! http://t.co/nMO3q7pN #
Competition is now closed! Vikki Gordon won on Twitter thanks to her relentlessness! The answer was… Matilda… http://t.co/5WsgV7qU #
Oooh! Look! My 1st blog post for @ReadIt_andLaugh is up! http://t.co/a0ZcXADY #
Ooooh, lucky @Wstones_Arndale have got me signing on Saturday & (okay, so not that lucky, but…) @Keris next Saturday! #
Everybody come to Manchester Arndale Waterstones tomorrow please. I'll be signing copies of my book 'One Seriously… http://t.co/ZTbm3amK #
Self editing my adventure story. I hope I get this published because I REALLY want to write the sequels! #
On the tram to my book signing at @Wstones_Arndale Very excited that they have a coffee shop in store! #
"@sarahsreviews: 5 of 5 stars to One Seriously Messed-Up Week by Tom Clempson http://t.co/GXOhKGau" That's so awesome and it's made my day! #
Had a really good day signing books at @Wstones_Arndale The staff there really are amazing! @Keris is in good hands for next week. #
Was very fortunate to meet @SteveCageauthor who was also signing at @Wstones_Arndale today. He may possibly be the book-signing king! #
8.20 am and baby & @cupcakes4clara are still to surface! Enjoying the calm. It's a pre-Christmas miracle! #
Goodness me! @sarahsreviews has made my day TWICE this weekend! I thought it was just a rating – didn't see the review! http://t.co/GXOhKGau #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
November 21, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Try to figure out where I am from this picture. Closest/most interesting answer wins something dusty from my cellar! http://t.co/BYgbuk8X #
Hint: where I am is not the usual place to find trolleys, plus #amwriting #
I'm gonna need specifics! The place where I am is known the world over (maybe not Antactica) #win #dustycellarjunk http://t.co/EA6SQgas #
Ok, we've had Costa, Morrisons, Cafe Nero, Asda… All v close, but not close enough. WHERE THE HELL AM I? #win (junk) http://t.co/3clzaMrg #
Congratulations @Neeky78 for guessing my location – Starbucks!!! Would've also accepted Sainsburys. You win junk! http://t.co/M2hzGVU9 #
If you didn't win my 'where am I?' comp. please stop crying. I've plenty more junk in my cellar to get rid of. We can play again next week! #
Q:
RT >>"@Neeky78: @tomclempson WTF is the pissant ladder for???"
A:
RT >> "@Pillow_Puncher …that is an auto theft unit/alarm." #
Sorry Facebook followers! I just played an impromptu game of 'Where's Tommy?' on Twitter, and gave away some free… http://t.co/chioJfbh #
These are awesome!! RT"@cupcakes4clara: And Clara & Macy greetings cards… http://t.co/vZgDVoAz" #
I just came in from the shed and found this chunky mother on the back of my NECK!!! http://t.co/q9GDu1dX #
Trying to write, but I'm SO tired my eyes are closing whilst I'm writing (not because my book's boring!).Time for another coffee methinks. #
New blog post: The Worlds Best Ever Competioion in the World… Ever! (yes, competioion IS a real word) http://t.co/Ajd45hEE #
Check out the latest review of my book. http://t.co/zB0gQ5VK 5 things wrong with Tom Clempson's book… #
Having a broken car is making me thinner!
Not only do we have to walk/ cycle everywhere, but we also can't do the weekly food shop! #
I've finally rooted through my cellar for some crap to send the winner of 'The Worlds Greatest Competition in the World… Ever!' @Neeky78 #
No related posts.
November 18, 2011
The Worlds Best Ever Competioion in the World… Ever!
On Monday I wrote this (amazing) Tweet…
#bbpBox_136044579915964416 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136044579915964416 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }I don't like bricks with rounded corners http://t.co/6QMOqoiK
November 14, 2011 11:35 am via Twitter for iPhone
Reply
Retweet
Favorite
Tom ClempsonWhich was accompanied by this photo…
Then someone replied with this…
#bbpBox_136045286714916864 a { text-decoration:none; color:#93A644; }#bbpBox_136045286714916864 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 11:38 am via web Reply Retweet Favorite Hannah Renowden
Then I replied with this…
#bbpBox_136046044474654720 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136046044474654720 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 11:41 am via Twitter for iPhone Reply Retweet Favorite Tom Clempson
And lo, the worlds greatest competition ever was born…
#bbpBox_136046475246444544 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136046475246444544 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }Try to figure out where I am from this picture. Closest/most interesting answer wins something dusty from my cellar! http://t.co/BYgbuk8X
November 14, 2011 11:43 am via Twitter for iPhone
Reply
Retweet
Favorite
Tom ClempsonSomeone made this guess…
#bbpBox_136047381484552192 a { text-decoration:none; color:#AA0235; }#bbpBox_136047381484552192 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 11:46 am via web Reply Retweet Favorite CJ Daugherty
And someone else made this guess…
#bbpBox_136047107873325056 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136047107873325056 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 11:45 am via web Reply Retweet Favorite Cethan Leahy
And I replied with things like…
#bbpBox_136048316734652417 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136048316734652417 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 11:50 am via Twitter for iPhone Reply Retweet Favorite Tom Clempson
Then another person made this guess…
#bbpBox_136059894171303936 a { text-decoration:none; color:#D02B55; }#bbpBox_136059894171303936 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 12:36 pm via web Reply Retweet Favorite Monique Kowalczyk
And I was like…
#bbpBox_136060184220012544 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136060184220012544 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 12:37 pm via Twitter for iPhone Reply Retweet Favorite Tom Clempson
And also…
#bbpBox_136060408317476865 a { text-decoration:none; color:#0084B4; }#bbpBox_136060408317476865 a:hover { text-decoration:underline; }@November 14, 2011 12:38 pm via Twitter for iPhone Reply Retweet Favorite Tom Clempson
And now I'm like… great. Now I've got to pay the postage to send crap to Australia.
But hey! It's not all bad. Keep your eyes peeled next week and you might be able to join in too (on Facebook AND Twitter! Oooooh!). Just try not to live in Australia, okay?
No related posts.
November 15, 2011
The ULTIMATE List! (Kind of…)
Right, now that I have granted myself the freedom to blog about whatever the hell I feel like, I hope you have prepared yourself for something completley frickin' wild and anarchic, because I can assure you I have totally let myself off the leash with this one. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've covered everything you ever wanted to know from a 31 yr-old debut author of a coming of age comedy.
That's right. I am blogging about my favourite cereals to eat straight from the bag with no milk. Hell yeah!
We have a 3 yr-old in the house, so our cereal cupboard is crammed with sugary crap, and since I have spent the past two weeks going through a dry-cereal-eating binge, I am now a fully qualified reviewer of dry cereals.
So, if you ever find yourself stuck in our house, with no other food, or milk, or bowl, and if you also happen to share my exact taste in food, you may wish to consult…
THE BEST CEREALS IN MY CUPBOARD TO EAT STRAIGHT FROM THE PACKET, WITHOUT MILK: THE LIST. WITH A VENGENCE! PART ONE
Cornflakes – These are okay, but are a bit blah after a few handfulls, plus they're a bit sharp for my precious little mouth 6/10
Rice Crispies – These are also not great for eating in large volumes. Not exciting enough. I was uninspired to return for milti-scoops. 5/10
Golden Nuggets – These were very good. Good texture, good shape, not sharp, not too dry. My only complaint is that they are REALLY sweet. Good if you're slobbing out in front of a movie, but for day-to-day gobbling I need something a little more savoury. 8/10
Malt Wheats/Shreddies – No, no, no! Unless you suffer from excess saliva, these are WAY too dry to eat without added wetness. 2/10
Cheerios – These are good. These are VERY good. They tick all the boxes. All the good bits of Golden Nuggets, but none of the bad. I thought they would be too sweet, but they're actually not. Brilliant texture, easy to pile into the mouth in huge volumes, VERY more-ish, plus you can even increase the fun by separating the 4 different types of 'O'. 10/10
Coco Pops – Not as good as I was expecting. Too crunchy, flavour doesn't work very well without milk, very sweet. 6/10
Frosties – Much like the Cocoa Pops, I thought these would be a real contender, but again, these were a bit too crunchy, too sharp to shovel into your gob, and the flavour is nowhere near as good as when you milk them up. 7/10
We have a clear winner. Cheerios win hands down, closely followed by Golden Nuggets (for pudding). I'm going to get some right now.
The End.
No related posts.
November 14, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
"@kaytea: Follow @cupcakes4clara she's having a giveaway at 500 followers. She has good stuff, I promise!" Damn. She's winning! 500?!! #
Daughter is sat on my knee, jigging to the music on Mr Maker, & says "I think I'm 28 now daddy, not 3 anymore." Laughed biscuit in her face. #
I wrote TWO blog posts last night (scheduled for Wed & Thu). Need to make up for 3 'Last Weeks Tweets' in a row. (guilty smiley face) #
A blog post, yes a GENUINE blog post, over at that place… the blog.
'Writing Stuff' #
Was going to be signing at Manchester Arndale Waterstones tomorrow but, have postponed until 26th (can't compete with Noel Fielding!) #
Back at the day job this week. Not entirely unbookish though, as I'm working with @Sally_Nicholls aunt! #
CONGRATULATIONS ME! I just made the 100th comment on the @ReadIt_andLaugh funny list!
http://t.co/rfI5WSef
I win a signed copy of my book!!! #
Where did it go? I found a proper bad review for my book via twitter, then came to add it to my 'reviews' page on my blog, & its gone! Huh?! #
Ooooooooh!!! RT >> "@WaterstonesWTB: In other news….it's only 41 days to Christmas." #
No related posts.
November 9, 2011
Writing Stuff Part 2: The Plan
The Plan… (continued from last weeks blog post).
My plan to be able to fit blog posts in amongst my day job, my kids, my writing, is very simple – stop trying. From now on I will just write blog posts about ANYTHING, whatever I feel like writing about and whenever I feel like writing it. That sounds fun! It doesn't mean I wont go weeks without writing anyting, but it should help. I am going to stop thinking of my blog as something that gets in the way of writing, and I'm going to start thinking of it as what it is – writing in a format other than 'book'.
I like my blog, I'm not going to give up on it, and I will continue to take inspiration from all you other bloggers out there who are being published as writers-in-a-format-other-than-book multiple times a week.
So here, as a start to me writing whatever, whenever, is a list of a few random blogs that I like to read, and you might too (if you don't already).
Keris Stainton's Author blog – I honestly cannnot comprehend how she finds the time to write books, be a Mum, write loads of blog stuff, AND seems to be on Twitter every time I log in!
Hannah Renowden's blog – I like this blog because, like mine, Hannah's blog doesn't have much direction, she just writes on it from time to time, sometimes anecdotes, sometimes reviews, sometimes intricate little windows into her life.
Cupcakes For Clara – this is a great blog for me to read because it's my wife's one. She seems to do it so effortlessly (and FAST! I spend ages writing my crap posts, but she knocks out 3 in one evening and they piss all over mine). This is a great blog for me to catch up on the latest stuff that's been going on in my house.
Thirst For Fiction – I treat Rhys's review blog like my 'Total Film Magazine' for books. If there's a recent/new/upcoming YA book that I want to know more about, T4F is always my first stop. And he's only… I don't know, fifteen or sixteen years old! Briliant stuff.
More of these kind of things to come.
Related posts:Writing Stuff
New Book Blog Launched for Funny YA
The Journal 0.0
November 8, 2011
Writing Stuff
Okay, so book two is with my lovely editor at Atom, book three is about ten pages from being finished, (but I've decided to shelve it until the right ten pages come to me), book four is buzzing around my brain like an angry hornet waiting to be released, book five is buzzing round my brain like an angry hornet waiting to be released, book six is buzzing round my brain like an angry hornet… Basically, I've got too many books in me and not enough time!
Of course there's no saying that all these books are necessarily 'good' books (obviously I think they will be otherwise I wouldn't be bothering with them), and there's no saying that I won't decide they're rubbish half way through and jump to the next in line, but for now I probably have the next five years of my writing life all mapped out and itching to be written. Which is absolutely awesome, except I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE THEM!
It's the real catch 22 of being a writer (or being a writer named Tom Clempson) – you need to have a whole bunch of books out there to generate enough income to be able to afford to write full time, but you need to be writing full time in order to be able to get a whole bunch of books out there!
This is my roundabout way of explaining why, if you scroll back through the last six to twenty weeks of my blog, you might find posts to be a little thin on the ground. It's not my fault! It's not that I don't love my blog and both its readers, it's that whenever I get a spare minute to write it I'm always clambering to get the next book out of me. I've even been cutting back on Twitter (yeah, 140 characters) just to make the most of my writing time!
That's why I came up with a plan…
No related posts.
November 7, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
And I made it on to @ciclovesbooks Top 10 Tuesday list! SO chuffed!!! Thanks Cicely!
http://t.co/FzmpQep6 #
Thanks to a faulty oil gage I had the engine of my car blow up whilst in the fast lane of the M6! Bums bums bums… #
Awesome new review of One Seriously Messed-Up Week from the POV of a 16yr old boy http://t.co/abQ0bdnG @Heathlex456 @sisterspooky #
Why is my daughter the only one in her gymnastics class who crosses her eyes and sticks her tongue out every time she spots her daddy? #
Looks like having a dead car might help me on my way to losing 12lbs before Christmas (children are heavy!) #
On the other hand, eating 6 mince pies in one weekend might counterbalance that. #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
