Tom Clempson's Blog, page 15
June 27, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Jack Samsonite treasure deposited in 3 locations so far… 3 more to go! @AtomBooks #
ALL JACK SAMSONITE TREASURE IS NOW BURIED! #
Look what I came across on my Seriously Messed Up Treasure Hunt adventure! http://t.co/GMa6twD #
Ooh and this too! http://t.co/pG30VQ4 #
Thank you! "@Frannypatter: @tomclempson That's One Seriously good book cover." All thanks to @brightontommy #
Keep your eyes peeled. There may be some treasury goodness being revealed soon!!! #
Dont try this at home! (it took years of special training) http://t.co/61DZFbs #
Thank you @empireofbooks !!! That review was amazing! I'm quite touched! #
Dear @Waterstones & @wsdeansgate if you noticed some idiot leaping around your shops yesterday, this is why… http://t.co/61DZFbs (sorry!) #
There seems to be a lot of dead birds around for this time of year. Or is it just me? I've seen 7 in 3 days!! #
Thanks also to @wswilmslow & @wstrafford (&Altrincham, Arndale &Knutsford) for tolerating me doing this: www.atombooks.net/treasure/ #
Everyone just ASSUMES that my 10 month old son is talking gobbledygook, but I have a sneaking suspicion he may be talking fluent Cantonese #
Jack Samsonite calls all northern treasure hunters (in the style of my daughter) – 'COME & FIND ME! IM UNDER THE TABLE!' http://t.co/BzGBaF7 #
I must look younger than I feel today – a schoolgirl just asked for my number! (why didn't that ever happen when I was young & single?) #
Visit the blog to see how you could win stuff Wonka style! http://t.co/BzGBaF7 #
Was so busy thanking @Waterstones for taking part in my treasure hunt I forgot to thank @Fereto36 for filming the whole thing for me! #
Trying to work, but spending most of my energy on not falling asleep. SOOOO TIRED!!! #
RT "@sisterspooky: @tomclempson LMAO! I just watched your video hiding treasures in Waterstones. BEST THING EVER!" http://t.co/BzGBaF7 T.U! #
My little baby boy started saying his first word on fathers day! Guess what it was… #
V good guesses from @CethanLeahy & @hannahmcmoon but @GaspItsChami got it right (no, not 'nob'!) he started saying 'Daddy' on fathers day! #
Related posts:Treasure Hunt!
June 22, 2011
Treasure Hunt!
If you like collectible book memorabilia and you live in the Manchester area, then you are in for some fun! I spent all of Monday driving round six different bookshops, breaking in (through their open doors) and sneakily hiding 12 items of treasure in random copies of One Seriously Messed-Up Week.
Each item of treasure is unique and signed, and, if you're lucky, there could be something else in it for you too! But before you can begin the hunt you must first crack the cryptic enigma code clue things to know where to look…
Deansgate
Arndale
Trafford Centre
Altrincham
Knutsford
Wilmslow
There. Try and work that one out!
I owe a BIG 'thank you' and a little 'sorry' to the above stores for what I did in their lovely cosy shops, all in the name of balls to the wall, adrenaline fuelled, testosterone packed action, in this here video…
So, all you northerners, get hunting now! Because you probably have only 10 or 11 months before those 12 books get snapped up! When they do, if all goes to plan, you'll hear about it here and over at Atom's blog. Happy hunting!
No related posts.
June 20, 2011
Bad Reviews
I have been waiting for the bad reviews to come in for weeks now. I expected them to come earlier. I 
was actually looking forward to them (yet also secretly expecting to be hurt by them). And last week I got to read my first one. In fact I got to read TWO! (They may not have been the first ones written, they were just the first ones I've read). And my honest response was…
I loved them!
They were blunt and they were honest and they were to the point.
The reviews are from two of the'Atomics' – an amazing online forum, organised by Atom (my publishers), which gives teens (the target readership) the opportunity to be the reviewers. Not only is this a great idea, but where else do you get to read reviews that begin as straight forward as…
"I didn't enjoy this book all that much"
and
"From the very first paragraph of reading the book I became immediately offended by the foul language of the author"
Not only did these reviews bring a smile to my lips, but they also raised some very valid points: a) My book does ramble on and on, mostly about a load of bollocks, and b) It defintely does contain some naughty rude words!
One Seriously Messed-Up Week is definitely not going to please everyone (I'm amazed it has pleased as many as it has!), which can only be a good thing. I can't think of anything more bland than to be universally popular. It would mean I had created a literary version of Magnolia paint, vanilla ice cream, or a short back and sides.
Thank you Atomics!
All of the Atomics reviews (including the negative ones) can be found here. And if you are, or know of, a book fanatic aged 12 to 18 you can enter here for the chance to receive free books and have your reviews posted online.
No related posts.
Last Week's Tweets
A Crazy boy was doing crazy dancing on a motorway bridge we passed the other day. This should be a regular feature on all M-way bridges! #
OH MY GOD my first down under in-store sighting!!! And it's a face-out! And it's next to Peter Cocks (so apt)! THANK YOU!!! @TheRestaurantBR #
Thanks for the #ffs @midnightreads @Serendipity_Viv @Avas_Writer @CJessCooke @CarlyleL #
I have just TOUCHED my first ever PRINTED review of OSMUW in Australia's 'Girlfriend' magazine!!! Check it out! http://t.co/TLzz5Lc #
And so begins my day of a very exciting real life Jack Samsonite adventure… #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
June 17, 2011
The Final Chapter
Right. When it comes to my blog posts I usually try to bring the fun. But not today. Today I will probably resemble Fun Bobby from that episode of Friends.
I've spent quite some time deliberating over whether or not to write this post, but I have come to the conclusion that I have to. I can't not.
One week ago today my 35 year old brother died very suddenly and very unexpectedly. I love him dearly and miss him so much it hurts. But I'm not writing this in a bid for compassion or sympathy. I'm writing this to raise awareness. To raise two awareness…es…
Awareness #1. To remind you of the fragility of life. One minute it's here, the next it can be gone. Death always seems like something that happens to other people's families, until it happens to yours. And eventually it does happen to yours, just as it did mine. So take this reminder and don't waste a minute. Go and hug everyone who is important in your life and let them know how much you love them, because when they're not here anymore that's all you want to do, and you wish you'd done it more when you had the chance.
Awareness #2. Depression and Bipolar. Possibly the most misunderstood of illnesses, and if you've never suffered them it's easy to understand why. 'We all get depressed from time to time! What's the big deal?' seems to be a common reaction. Well, big deal No.1 is that Depression the illness doesn't just pop along when something brings you down, then be on its way. It's here to stay – it's not always on the surface, but it always comes back, and there's no telling when, or why. Big deal No.2 is that Depression the illness isn't just being depressed, it can come hand in hand with so many other symptoms – self-loathing, paranoia, anger, low self-esteem and the overwhelming urge to sleep, in order to escape the torment, are just a few.
The sad truth is that we all probably know many people who are suffering from this illness, but because of the stigmas attached to it and because of the lack of understanding, they would never dare tell us. And there's no way of guessing, because they have learnt to protect themselves by hiding it.
So, in summary, not only should you go hug everyone you love and remind them how much you love them, you should just go hug everyone (not including small children who you don't know or people who look like they might hurt you with sticks) and remind them that there will always be someone to talk to, someone to love them, someone to bring the fun.
Yes it might seem uncomfortable, no it's no cure for depression, but it is so much nicer than doing nothing and letting life and lives pass you by.
For Joss – my favourite dead brother. Ever! I love you.
Just a few of the many places to find help and advice on depression www.samaritans.org/ (Tel. UK: 08457 90 90 90 ROI: 1850 60 90 90) http://www.depressionforums.org/ www.fightingdepression.co.uk www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Depression/Pages/Selfhelpadvice.aspx www.overcomedepression.co.uk/
No related posts.
June 13, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
You know the toilet training had taken a step back when you hear the words "Daddy, I'm weeing in a box!" #
My belated book birthday plans are bubbling away nicely! #
Yup. I've been making a tit of myself again. This time reading my book (instead of going on a nature trail) http://t.co/DN5xdVv #
Me reading an excerpt from One Seriously Messed-Up Week. Watch it if you want to see an idiot talking like an idiot http://t.co/DN5xdVv #
We have chubby rain! ( @SteveMartinToGo @altrinchamhq ) #
On the blog: Read about my miraculous death-dodge and watch me humiliate myself http://t.co/yzFZuNT #
Go check out the interview I did for the fantastic @Jo_Stapley http://t.co/oENjm1o #
Just realised that my today list for to do is full of absolute grickin fibberish! #
#FF too many amazing tweeters! @AtomBooks @WondrousReads @Jo_Stapley @LizScottPR @FictionThirst @hannahmcmoon @mattlibrarian @midnightreads #
#FF Sorry, more top tweeters @Serendipity_Viv @cat_clarke @sisterspooky @Avas_Writer @ALRutter @mondaloves @Adam_Page @the_reader_room #
2 pages of #ffs 1 awful joke & a tweet that refuses to send… Now is probably a good time for me to get back to work. #
The guy that had been driving the house said he felt terrible! http://t.co/Jx7g9Zk #
Thank you for the #ff @WeFancyBooks @emma_bookangel @WondrousReads you're all awesome! #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
June 8, 2011
I Survived!
I have been published for nearly an entire week now and, despite my fears, I didnt get blown up, decapetated or run down by a twat in a van. This is very good news. Getting published seemed so too good to be true that I genuinely expected something tragic to happen to me to prevent me from ever seeing it through. I'm not joking!
A few days before publication I was driving to a Twitter friend's bookshop a few miles away and the second I got onto the motorway I suddenly panicked and could not comprehend why I would possibly choose to drive at 70mph alongside other idiots driving that and faster! Then, on publication day I went into Manchester to do my Big Book Birthday Book Hunt (as blogged here last week) and every time I walked past someone mildly dodgy-looking I avoided eye contact, stared at the ground and envisaged the headline – Local Author and Father of Two Ripped to Pieces by Two Weird Looking Guys Who Were Talking at an Uncomfortably Loud Volume in Public, on the Publication Day of His Debut Novel. (Yeah, not only did I expect to die, but my death was going to be covered by the shittest headline-writer of all time!)
As you have probably guessed, I am still alive, and I am eternally grateful for that. And what have I done with this extra 7 days of existence gifted to me? I have made a fool of myself on YouTube for everyone to see. Twice. And all in the name of Shameless Self-Promotion (though I still fail to see how convincing everyone that I'm a bumbling buffoon/complete dick is going to help the sales of my book).
Anyway, for those of you who didn't get to laugh at my expense, or struggle to understand what the hell I'm mumbling about, or learn to hate my stupid face, here are those two beautiful videos…
The first, with its unfortunately grotesque reference image, was an interview I did for Atom, my publishers (the wildlife is all real and, although I don't manage to capture it expertly on camera, all definitely there).
The second is me reading a couple of pages from the book (also for Atom).
No related posts.
June 6, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
"College boys, proper bristly stubble, and guys with their own wheels are all things that no 15yr-old can ever compete with." #JackSamsonite #
Look what you could win! (no, your eyes do not deceive you… stickers & badge!) RT to (possibly) win! #JackSamsonite http://t.co/VlOJZEo #
For those who missed it… On My Blog: FINAL GIVEAWAY PRIZES REVEALED!!! www.tomclempson.com/2011/05/fi…..s-revealed #
"Beating up people's little brothers must be one of the most common instigators of warfare. Whoever said that… http://fb.me/105YLnvxJ #
Thank you @Jo_Stapley for your review! tinyurl.com/3cf8ece #
I've been having amazing dreams lately! At the bottom of my dream-screen is a blank page and I control my dream by writing it on the paper! #
Tomorrow I will officially be published! (So, do people have to call me Sir Tom or something? It's either 'Sir' or 'Bot' I can't remember). #
New Reviews and Interview for OSMUW on my blog (can't link to @Serendipity_Viv interview yet. Will do that later) http://t.co/L2Nudc6 #
Ooh check it out! I get support from @CethanLeahy & @mattlibrarian but @emma_bookangel & @midnightreads are all up in my face with sarcasm! #
Off to find a randomiser and will then disclose the winner of my #JackSamsonite giveaway… #
And the winner of my #JackSamsonite signed book, bookmarks, stickers and badge is… @ReadingFever Congratulations! #
And sadly that is the end of my #JackSamsonite giveaways. Thank you to everyone who entered! (especially those who repeatedly entered each.. #
…week but never won. SORRY!) but by tomorrow it will be available in lots of shops in lots of countries and also as an ebook! #
Back to work. #
"@midnightreads: @tomclempson Putting my bookmarks in the shop, letting everyone know!" Go! Flock! Swarm & generally congregate at the BMs! #
I just got personally tweeted by the 100% genuine @KirstieMAllsopp ! How's that for a book-publication-eve gift?! #
"If I was going to have any chance with Eleanor then I'd be much better off if I didn't look like I was growing a… http://fb.me/1188K1b70 #
This is my 1111th tweet! (little things please me) #
It's my book birthday! I'm going on a book hunt! I found it here… http://t.co/GBiUi7t #
Thank you!!! >>>"@LitisLife: @tomclempson Happy Book Birthday!!
#JackSamsoniteRelated posts:FINAL GIVEAWAY PRIZES REVEALED!!!
And The Winner Is…
June 2, 2011
Book Birthday Recap
Today is June 2nd, which means I am now an Author! It feels very nice indeed to have achieved a goal that I thought I might never get anywhere near. Yet at the same time, despite what I had come to believe about authors having amazing super-powers, super-brains and super-everything, I surprisingly don't feel very different. Happy but the same, which, when I come to think about it, is exactly as it should be. It'd be just my luck to finally break into the career of my dreams only to find that it turned me into a super-twat, which in turn would make me not happy!
So, whilst happy (and only a semi-twat) I revelled in my booky-birthdayness and went on a hunt for Jack Samsonite in the Manchester area. This is what I found…
He was in the bedroom!
He was in the bookshops!
He was on a lady's bottom!
He was at the bus stop!
And then, when I'd finally had enough of finding Jack and stopped to do a bit of writing, he was in the coffee shop too!
* Absolutely none of these images were staged in any way whatsoever. At all. In the slightest… Maybe.
BIG thanks to everyone for all my book birthday best wishes! You welcomed me into your big twitter hearts, where it's warm and cozy, and I'd quite like to stay.
Related posts:Signed Book Giveaway
May 30, 2011
FINAL GIVEAWAY PRIZES REVEALED!!!
Oh yes, it is that moment you have both been waiting for… The 'Extras' that I have been tweeting about for my giveaway are finally being revealed! (Feeling dizzy yet?)
If you carefully inspect the above image you will see a signed copy of my new book, five (yes, FIVE!) signed bookmarks, a sheet of Jack Samsonite stickers, and a JS badge! And if that doesn't excite you, then there are just three things you need to do to get your giddy-juices flowing:
Pretend you have heard of me, have read my book and love it.
Pretend you are 7 years old, and this is a prize on your favourite Saturday morning TV show.
Remember that this collection of booty could really come in useful for when you are wrongly imprisoned in a case of mistaken identity as a Guatemalan land-pirate and need to make a hasty escape by sticking one prison guards eyelids shut (GO STICKERS!), stabbing Prison Guard #2 in the nipples (GO BADGE!), then flying to your freedom in (what will later see you make two entries into the Guinness Book of World Records for…)the (1) fastest ever constructed (2) worlds largest paper aeroplane (GO 400 PAGES OF UNREAD BOOK!). Until that day comes you can just leave them on a shelf and wonder if you should have just Ebay-ed them on day one.
You have just two days in which to enter this mindblowing competiton! To do so you just need to sign in to/up for your Twitter account, find my tweets, then ReTweet one of my #JackSamsonite tweets. (This is the bit where, if I was an annoying tit who quotes crap insurance ads, I would write 'Simples!'). Simples!
Related posts:Signed Book Giveaway
The Big Blog Giveaway!
