Tom Clempson's Blog, page 12
October 31, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Nominate a book for the @ReadIt_andLaugh funny list. (if it's already nommed, leave a comment by it to cast ur vote) http://t.co/rfI5WSef #
Twitter hasn't updated my mentions for over 22 hrs now! Grrrr! #
Hey! One of my world book choices made it! (It was mostly thanks to my support, probably, right?) http://t.co/PYIIZUtX #
2 down, 2 to go. Poor @cupcakes4clara and the baby boy have been struck with the lurgie & are banished to bed. Me & the little girl next?
#Good morning tweet-monkeys. Have finally managed to escape from the house that not-vomiting forgot. Book 4 here I come…! #amwriting #
Desperately need to change my dreadful smug profile pic. A photo of my toes might be better, or maybe a random stranger. Any suggestions? #
Anyone laughed at a book lately? Feature it on your blog with @ReadIt_andLaugh 's 'Laugh of the Week' thing #LOW #
Last night I dreamed I was flying whilst being hunted down by assassin boy scouts with bombs tied to helium balloons. What does this MEAN?!? #
No related posts.
October 24, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
I made a plan this morning that went something like this… "Tonight let's try to get to bed BEFORE 1am" My kids must have heard me. 4.25am! #
Has anyone else's iPhone ever deleted ALL their archived emails?!! #
Shhh! Don't tell @cupcakes4clara but I just messed up her hot chocolate!
http://t.co/87uj84VE #
Finally, David Attenborough's Highlander delusion has come to an end. http://t.co/LBLrGT5A #
"@DymocksAdelaide: @tomclempson Can't bikini, too busy reading! http://t.co/1q8ifjOI" That's actually the BEST time to bikini! #
Congratulations to my @cupcakes4clara for getting her crafty Internet shop open today! Wooohooo!!! #
My little toe really hurts today and I don't know why, but I expect one of you is to blame. It's my LEFT ONE! #outforrevenge #
Planning to lose at least 12lbs before Christmas so I can pile it all back on (Baileys & mince pies) guilt free. Wish me luck! #
Twitter, I am about to announce a terrible and awful confession… I don't really know what NaNoWriMo is (and think that I should)! #
NOOO! Just found out our lovely home that we rent, lived in for YEARS, where we brought our 2 kids into the world, is now for sale. So sad! #
My favourite recurring typo (brain malfunction) when writing: 'viscous' instead of 'vicious'. Viscous dogs just aren't as menacing. #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
New Book Blog Launched for Funny YA
Those of you who bother to read my blog will know that I'm not exactly a 3-posts a week kind of blogger, so I have taken the obvious next step and have committed myself to write for another blog as well. Duh!
A bunch of authors have grouped together to dispel the myth that all Young Adult fiction is dark and/or depressing. Not that there's anything wrong with dark and/or depressing novels, we're just offering a blog that highlights books of a lighter and/or not dark and/or depressing in and/or of nature.
The website is readitandlaugh.com, we launch today, all posts not written by me are guaranteed to be better than this one, there'll be plenty of giveaways, loads of recommendations for laugh out loud books (whatever your sense of humour), you can follow us on twitter @ReadIt_andLaugh and, until it comes my turn to write one, we will be posting twice a week.
There's obviously loads more to it than my crappy advert (including Laugh of the Week, guest posts, and 'favourites' lists), so for more (accurate) information you should probably just head over the site – www.readitandlaugh.com – and meet all the other authors on board.
Go on, it'll be fun!
Related posts:Book Birthday Recap
The Big Blog Giveaway!
October 17, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
HELP! My wife has more followers than me! She'll never let me live this down! Please, do all you can. Help me twitter, you are my only hope. #
HUGE thanks to all my new followers for helping me beat my wife! (in follower numbers, not in an ouchy frying pan way) #
Uh oh… The wife is onto me! I've been rumbled! Retreat! *shuffles feet, whistles* "what? Me?!" *shrugs* #
Does anyone else's toddler speak in random accents (ny, Manc, brum, farmer) or do we just have an extra special one? #
Quote if the day: "Honk jonk dink donk plink plonk wonk" (my 3yr old daughter). So young, yet so wise. #funnycositstrue #
We're all feeling a bit rough in our house. I'm on the honey, lemon & whiskey (thinking of dropping the honey & lemon though). #
Ron Rifkin #
Bob Balaban #
Will soon be joining forces with awesome authors @KimberlyRPauley and @amandaashby (+ more to come) to begin something very internexciting! #
Two thirds of new (non Jack) book done! Will probably sit on it for a few months when finished to see if I still… http://t.co/W3tJbYU8 #
What unseasonably fine weather we are having today! Time to sit under some trees methinks… http://t.co/lZh9zJuN #
"@collegenewbie95: In the LRC writing my book review for @tomclempson 's book ^^" oooooh! Looking forward to reading it. Maybe. No pressure. #
Am now only 2,604 followers away from 3,000! Worlds longest drumroll please… #
#FF @KimberlyRPauley Thank you for the #FF Here, have one back … #FF (how tall/short ARE you?!) #FF #
Me too! RT "@amandaashby … I'm giving some #FF glittery-love to @NikiBurnham @tomclempson @MarPerez @kimberlyrpauley" #
Starbucks refilled my £1 coffee TWICE! (they could probably hear the sound of Fledgeling Author jangling in my… http://t.co/jb9R5SM0 #
2,400 words done. Now to collect the mini people from nursery. Then an evening of prepping @cupcakes4clara 's grand shop relaunch next week! #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
October 10, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Reading through comments caught in spam filter on my blog came to the conclusion that the blog just filters all comments that make NO SENSE! #
Wearing the winter coat today for 1st time since, er, winter. Also been wearing the HUGE MEATY SPIDER that just crawled out of my sleeve!!! #
"@mrskimyadawson: This shit killed me— Scared Bros At A Haunted House http://t.co/O2PudE2k" My favourite: the guy trying to leave his GF! #
Finished Die For Me by @iHeartRevenants Happy to say I LOVED it & am now attracted to hunky French men. Not really. I did love it though! #
"@Neeky78: @iHeartRevenants @tomclempson Please don't say that is a clue about what is coming up in D4M2!!! Vincent, nooooo!!!
" Funny! #Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
October 6, 2011
I Said Nob & Shit to Kids: Part 2
On Saturday I did my 2nd ever public speaking thing, at my 2nd ever festival. Unlike my 1st one (at Latitude festival), this was quite a bit smaller. This meant there was no stage to separate me from the bleeding-eared youngsters I was unloading profanaties upon, no bright lights to dazzle my view of them, no microphone to help spew my stupid nervous voice to the back of the tent… and this time I was doing TWO separate talks in TWO different tents in under TWO hours!
It was a small, debut festival, just around the corner from me, called Denzell Gardens Book Festival, and it specialised in books for young people. There were a total of 6 authors:
Saci Lloyd
Benjamin J Myers
Curtis Jobling
Gareth P Jones
Ellie Irving
Me
Saci Lloyd
I managed to meet everyone except numbers 2 and 4, including Curtis Jobling, who, despite living just a stones throw away, and having worked with several of the same companies at the same time, on the same animations, I had never met before! (He designed Bob the Builder, I made the trees. He wrote Raa Raa The Noisy Lion, I made some of the moulds that the puppets were cast in… this gives you some idea of my general rank in society). I am happy to report that he was an awesome guy, but unfortunately there was something I didn't like about him…
He was really good at doing public speaking! As was Saci Lloyd, Gareth P Jones, and, I didn't get a chance to see her speaking, but judging by the REALLY LOUD reactions from her audience, so was Ellie Irving! I, on the other hand, was expertly fumbly, mumbly, bumbly and forgetful. I babbled blindly about my book, then read incompetently from it. I stumbled foolishly when trying to find the right pages to read from (even though I had clearly labelled page markers!), and I suffered the tumbleweed silence in response to my 'Any questions?' questions.
Me in a tent
It's okay, the second I arrived and saw the beautiful village fete style marquees, bunting, and cake stalls, I knew that my nob-ache book would go down like a fart at a funeral, so I prepared myself for stunned silences, angry mobs and outrageous humiliation. Luckily, as usual, I was completely wrong. The audiences were amazing – attentive, responsive (not so much at the 'any questions' bit), and they even LAUGHED! At the bits they were supposed to! People queued up to get my book signed and then I had my first time priveledge of watching people reading it. It was AMAZING! There were 3 teenage girls all sitting on a grassy bank, all reading my book, and all laughing. I desperately wanted to get a photo of this to share with you, but, unfortunately I think it's kind of frowned upon for a grown man to start taking pictures of teen girls, so I refrained.
So that's it. No.2. It was nice, it was good, it was enjoyable and I can't wait to do it again (though I don't think I'll ever get any better at doing it). Teehee! It sounds like I'm talking about poo! (But I'm not… much).
A queue I tell you! A QUEUE! (Okay, so it's only two people long, but we're not focussing on that).
Related posts:I Said 'Nob' & 'Shit' to Small Kids
My (weird) 1st (pukey) Official (anal-ish) Book Signing (thing)
October 3, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
Man1: "Touch wood."
Man2: "I'm always touching it."
Man Me: "Eurghhhh!" #
RT "@Avas_Writer: @tomclempson you're spreading your manchild ways! Looking at you, @CethanLeahy!" AND @sisterspooky (womanchild) #
Twelve hours sleep in 3 days… I'm tired and grumpy and someone's going to get a lazy-eyed Grrrr! at some point today. I mean business! #
Here's hoping this amazing weather sticks around for Altrincham's Book Festival ( @denzellbookfest ) on Saturday. Should be brilliant! #
I wrote under 4 different trees today and forgot to take pictures of ANY of them! I can't begin to imagine your disappointment. #
Where are all the rubbish 'jokes' about the British weather getting the seasons wrong? #
Here we go, the moment you've all been waiting for… My first tree of the day! http://t.co/M2YVQIDC #
Oops. It's 9.41am and I just ate all my lunch. #
RT "@midnightreads: I have to do a #ff for author @tomclempson because he WILL send me birthday cake
" Some people have funny brains! #I wish I'd picked my socks AFTER I decided I was going to wear shorts today! http://t.co/TpeKxn62 #
A rare #FF moment @CethanLeahy @Weight_Wars @Neeky78 @midnightreads @iHeartRevenants @Rose_Hatty @sisterspooky @collegenewbie95 @CarlyleL #
"@Serendipity_Viv: @tomclempson You can have giant women." You sound like a pimp for The High & Mighty Ho's! #
"@iHeartRevenants: #FF @tomclempson @neeky78 @Serendipity_Viv @ZMarriott @midnightreads because they make me laugh." but so do farts #
Am having a brilliant time at Denzell Book Festival with @Ellie_Irving @CurtisJobling (both in this pic!) + many more. http://t.co/NBjiWTJU #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
Last Week's Tweets
September 26, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
No words can explain how much I love this mini review >> RT "@theSchmuck_: I love the book Jack Samsonite . Full of teenage shit" #
"@maggiecary: How to Calm an Aggressive Child: http://t.co/YEwMnZhg" I don't need to read the rest. I already know the answer is sweets. #
"@denzellbookfest: We're seeing our publicity popping up all over the place – even in places we haven't put it…" I just saw it in nursery! #
I have found a new favourite person! "@theSchmuck_: @tomclempson Its the best book of the year!" Thank you Amir! #
"@CarlyleL: @tomclempson #WW keep your eyes on this one!" Thank you! (do you mean that like I'm a naughty child?) #
Is it just my nose or have Starbucks started pumping hippy incense into their coffee shops? Smell me the coffee! #
Just bumped into the organiser of @denzellbookfest in @WaterstonesAlty and she tried to hypnotise me with broccoli (1 of the above is a lie) #
Anyone up north who's into YA and children's lit should definitely check out @denzellbookfest Book Festival, Oct 1st (please RT!) #
"@WaterstonesAlty: Just seen local teen author @tomclempson in store…" (Psst! I'm not really a teen author! I just look younger than I am) #
I started secondary school 20 years ago this month (but I'm still so young!) and tomorrow I'm going to my high… http://t.co/kg23ay4B #
At daughters gymnastics class. A mum just accidentally let her little boy fall on his face because she was too busy looking in the mirror! #
Had a brilliant time at my high school reunion/gig last night. AMAZING music from @shanademorrow @NaomiPhienix @lukeconcannon Ben Clempson #
It was extremely cool catching up with you guys yesterday @MilesWestwood @PeteSawyer1 @GeneTherapy @BroniaSawyer @wallingtron mucho funno! #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
September 24, 2011
Jack Samsonite 2 Has Left the Building
I recently sent book 2 off to my agent. Whether that book will ever get any further than my agents desk is yet unknown, but I couldn't well send my new little creation off on his own with no advice other than "It's a tough world out there! No jobs, no one to wash your clothes and wipe your bum for your! You'll come crawling back home, begging for me to look after you!" He may well get rejected, but we wont focus on that. Pessimism gets you nowhere! So I wrote him this letter to help him on his way…
Dear number two. What can I say? Your big brother was sprung on me so suddenly and unexpectedly that I wasn't really ready for him! He wasn't planned and I had no idea of what I was doing. It all went by in such a big flash and a blur. And then you came along…
I assumed that I knew what I was doing this time round. I've doen it all before. I'll just follow my instincts and watch you grow in the same way. I know the routine now, so it'll all run smoothly. 2nd time round is always easier. How wrong I was! I couldn't bring you up in the same way as your big brother at all, because you are your own individual being, with your own needs and quirks and eccentricities. You demanded your own routine and brought a brand new set of challnges. I had to raise you in a completely different way! You were so much more hard work than your brother, bringing so much stress, confusion, panic, fear, and, I know I shouldn't admit this, but, you were always going to be compared to him (even by me) and I so hoped you wouldn't come out all messed-up and covered in poo. You will be happy to hear that I do not have a single regret. Yes it was difficult, and I had a whole new bunch of lessons to learn, but it was definitely worth it. I am so proud of you!
And now I have to watch you fly the nest, taking on the big wide world all by yourself. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared for you. And I'd be lying if I said it was going to be easy, that everyone will like you, that they wont tell you in what ways your big brother is superior to you, and what your flawes are. But hopefully they will also see that you are your own self, that you have different qualities to your brother, things that he never had. You will find your way, make your own firends, and become whoever it is you are going to be. It is out of my hands now. I will check in on you from time to time, see how things are going, try to point you in the right direction. In the meantime you will be happy to hear that you have a baby brother on the way (and all the new challenges he will bring!). And maybe even some cousins!
Goodbye book two. Take care. I will never forget you.
P.S. I'll see you at Draft 2… and 3… and 4… and 5…
No related posts.
September 19, 2011
Last Week's Tweets
I'm doing a signing @ Warrington Waterstones on Sat (11 – 3pm). It'd be really cool if every single person ever could come @WaterstonesWire #
"@welovethisbook: Best or worst book title ever? David Prowse's autobiography… 'Straight from the Force's Mouth'." Mine's worse #
Interesting fact of the day: It is possible to listen to The Tigger Song 21 times during the drive from our house to nursery. Hooray! #
Just saw security swarm on a shoplifter in Sainsburys (trolley full of electricals)! That's my excitement for the day! #
Tee hee! Someone somewhere behind me said 'Alright love?' to someone else, and the lady in front of me turned round and said 'Hi!' to me! #
Have you noticed? Batman, Spiderman AND Superman are all now played by British actors! Now we just need Michael Caine as Wonder Woman… #
Horlicks. How has it taken me 31 years to realise that sounds rude?! #
Book signing! Tomorrow. Waterstones. Warrington. Be there or be… Somewhere… Not there. #
What the he'll is this creature?!! http://t.co/RePU5bVj #
"@Neeky78: Lady beetle larvae" She's right! Can't believe I was scared of a baby ladybird/bug/beetle! @collegenewbie95 @sarahsreviews #
#FF @CethanLeahy Thanks Mr! #
#FF thank you Mrs Bond! @Weight_Wars #
Been up since 5am and I'm doing a signing at @WaterstonesWire in two and a half hours (I promise to stay awake…ish)! #
Just saw this on the bathroom floor. Think I might read it! #coincidence http://t.co/ea08rwcg #
Got home from my signing at @WaterstonesWire to find an email from someone who had bought the book today and finished it already! How nice!! #
I really fancy a bottle of Calpol right now. That's probably bad, right? #
Daughter just saw a reindeer on Charlie & Lola "Arghh! Daddy! A wolf with horns!" #
Related posts:Last Week's Tweets
