Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 53
April 17, 2018
Want to Have More Sex? Do the Dishes!
Conflicts Around Household Tasks
The professionals who study relationships have known for a long time that the division of chores in a household impacts relationship satisfaction… and that there is a direct correlation between chores and a couple’s sex life. In fact, there is a very specific correlation – the happier women are with the way housework is divided, the happier their husband’s are with their sex lives. Conversely, men whose wives are unhappy with the division of household labor are more likely to have thought about divorce, and more than twice as likely, in one survey, to report being cheated on.
And now the Council of Contemporary Families reports that for women, sharing responsibility for dishwashing is the biggest single source of satisfaction for any household task. And – you guessed it – not sharing that chore was the biggest chore-based source of dissatisfaction.
Chore distribution in ADHD-impacted relationships is a big deal. Non-ADHD partners often take on too many responsibilities as a way to compensate for their partner’s lack of organizational skills, planning and follow through. But taking on so much leads to resentment and, eventually, chronic anger.
So, after yet another session in which I raked my husband over the coals for not doing ANYTHING around the house (which, actually, was a pretty accurate statement) he asked, exasperated “So, what do you want me to do?” I didn’t even have to think about it – “The dishes!”
What is it about the dishes?!
I’ll tell you. First, I hate doing dishes. It is the singly most relentless task in your adult life. And, when you have a family, there are LOTS of dishes. Second, I’m the primary cook in our household. After spending more than an hour pulling dinner together, every single night, I am ready to relax, eat, spend time with my family and…relax some more. Dishes interfere with that plan in a big way. Third, I strongly dislike unloading the dishwasher. Perhaps because it is a reminder of how relentless a chore doing the dishes is. Fourth, everybody in the house creates dirty dishes…but then seems to think it’s my responsibility to clean them up. What am I? The house elf? Lots of resentment around that one.
But there was something else that was important, too. For me, having my husband take on a chore I so despised was symbolic – it translated pretty directly into “I care about you enough to relieve some of the drudgery of your life.” Immediately I felt more cared for…and more affectionate. Which just goes to show you – sometimes the research really does get it right!
April 12, 2018
Guidelines: Do I Choose an ADHD Coach, A Therapist, or Both?
Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD
This is a guest post, contributed by Sandy Maynard, M.S.
Many adults newly diagnosed with ADHD want to rush right out and get a coach to help them with their time management and organizational problems. Although that is what coaches do, therapy may be needed first. How to decide? In some situations it may make more sense to work with a therapist first.
The first order of business is to learn about treatment options (see Melissa's free e-book about treatment on the home page for an excellent overview.) Processing any overwhelming emotions with a therapist first establishes a firm foundation upon which coaching can proceed successfully. Certainly untreated co-occurring conditions such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse and/or obsessive compulsive disorder should be treated properly with medication and/or therapy for coaching to produce maximum results. This certainly doesn’t mean you have to have your act together to begin working with a coach, as helping you get your act together is what coaches are here to help you do. But a good rule of thumb is to remember that coaching works best when clients are ready, willing and able to be coached, and in certain circumstances therapeutic and/or medical interventions may be needed first. Does this mean that coaching can’t proceed while seeking therapy? Not at all, many clients do quite well when working with both a coach and a therapist.
Following are some guidelines to use in making your choice:
When to Choose Therapy First:
Substance abuse
Untreated co-occurring psychological conditions
Uncontrollable anger/emotional disturbance or debilitating shame
Severe avoidance behaviors
Obsessive resentments/finger-pointing and blaming
Denial of an official diagnosis
Wanting to know ‘Why’ instead of ‘How” “What” “When” and “Where”
A need to talk about the past
Severe negativity
Debilitating fear of change
Choose Coaching When in Need Of:
More efficient time management skills
Clutter control/organization strategies
Help with restraint of pen and tongue (and emails!)
Improving decision-making skills
Improving communication skills
Developing healthier sleep hygiene, nutrition and exercise habits
Managing ‘information overload’
Developing daily, weekly and monthly routines
Crafting a personal policy for use of technology
Initiating and finishing projects that typically get avoided
Dealing with procrastination and perfectionism
Learning patience and avoiding impulsive reactions
Sandy Maynard, MS, works in the Boston area and nationally by Skype. She has helped adults with ADHD lead happier, healthier, more organized lives for over 20 years, and helped develop national ADD coaching guidelines. You can reach er at sandy@sandymaynard.com.
Tags: coaching; therapy, Maynard
April 10, 2018
6 Tips for Succeeding When Both Parent(s) and Kids in Your Family Have ADHD
Melissa's Favorite Posts
Chances are good that if there is a child in your household with ADHD then one or both parents also has ADHD. When this is the case, some strategies work a whole lot better than others to maintain well-being in the household!
It seems we fight a lot…
Research shows that interactions between kids with ADHD and their parents contains more conflict, and elicits more controlling and critical behavior on the part of parents than is the case in households in which there are no children with ADHD. When an adult also has ADHD, which is common, things are even more complex. In that case I often see marital conflicts that complicate the situation, such as:
Ongoing conflicts around ADHD partner status (parent/child dynamics) that are lived out in front of kids
Judgments and arguments around which behaviors are ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’ including in front of the children
Frustration and anger about under-managed ADHD symptoms
Resentment in non-ADHD partners that they are ‘forced’ to be the strict, ‘bad cop’ parent while the ‘happy-go-lucky’ ADHD partner is seen as the ‘good cop’
“I fear my child will turn into my partner…”
One side effect of all of this conflict is that parents are often inclined to make sure they ‘teach’ their children to ‘do better’ than the parental ADHD partner did and escape the pitfalls that the ADHD partner experienced. Sadly, I note that this is mostly imposed along the lines of stricter discipline and ‘consequences’ training – just the opposite of what is shown to actually work for kids with ADHD.
When couples struggle, non-ADHD partners can transfer their concerns about (and dislike of) their ADHD partner’s current behaviors into fears about their ADHD child’s future behaviors. It seems particularly urgent that they guard against the possibility that little Jimmy’s propensity to be distracted or chaotic be nipped in the bud so that he not become Jimmy Sr. Yes, it is heartbreaking to watch your ADHD daughter struggle in school when you know how smart she is, and to watch your ADHD son suffer the consequences of social isolation and delayed logical thinking maturity.
But today’s ADHD adults, for the most part, had no knowledge of, or support for, their ADHD. Your child does, and the research is pretty clear – kids with ADHD can do a great deal better than their parent(s) with ADHD did, particularly if parents follow the following steps:
Tips for family success with ADHD
Treat the parent(s) with ADHD. Research suggests that optimizing treatment for parents with ADHD helps their children thrive. This isn’t surprising in that treatment makes adults with ADHD both more reliable and less volatile. Download my free treatment e-book for more on optimizing treatment for adult ADHD.
Advocate for your child in school. Get a full diagnosis so that your child can take advantage of the accommodations that will help her thrive in school, such as extra time for taking tests and the ability to sit closer to a teacher for fewer distractions. Good resource departments also can teach organizational and study skills for students with IEPs.
Set up great sleep routines vor everyone. ADHD and sleep deprivation do NOT mix! Even a little less sleep than you should get can significantly worsen ADHD symptoms. It’s critical to do everything you can to improve sleep routines in your family.
Listen to the research, not your first response. When a child repeatedly does something wrong, a parent's first instinct may be to 'teach him a lesson' with punishment. Yet one of the biggest success factors for those with ADHD is developing emotional strength and resilience, so they can handle ADHD issues as they come up. That is primarily done at home, during childhood. Research suggests that resilience for kids with ADHD comes from a combination of social acceptance and positive parenting. That means punishment as a way to ‘teach’ your kids will not work as well as positive reinforcement. Specifically letting the child cool down if emotionally upset, then working with the child to try to improve the situation. I see this with adults, too, who respond to negative consequences to mistakes by retreating, rather than learning. This is particularly true if the consequence is set or designed by the spouse.
Remediate ‘well-enough’… With ADHD you have to pick your battles. Both kids and adults with ADHD benefit by bringing some skills up to only a ‘good enough’ standard, so that they can then…
Focus on strengthening strengths. There are some things that ADHD adults and kids do really, really well. What those things are vary widely from person to person, but there is always some area of strength. Research suggests that one factor for success for everyone, but particularly those with ADHD, is positive (or even modest) self-perceptions of competence. So pursuing what you love and are good at helps support resilience and build confidence
Tags: ADHD in families; parents with ADHD, ADHD kids
March 23, 2018
Treating ADHD? Don’t Waste Money on Neurofeedback
Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD
Go on the internet, or even talk with some doctors, and you may come across neurofeedback as one possible treatment for children and adults with ADHD. Since it is non-medicinal, EEG neurofeedback holds an appeal for some in spite of its cost. Sadly, it just doesn’t work.
There have been a lot of studies on the topic, with mixed results, though it’s important to note that the more rigorous the study, the more likely it is to demonstrate that neurofeedback isn’t a good treatment for ADHD. In other words, it’s poor study quality, not treatment effectiveness, that suggests (only in some studies) that neurofeedback might be an effective option for treating ADHD.
The most recent study, which was a triple blind study that included actual neurofeedback, sham (i.e. fake) neurofeedback, and cognitive behavioral group therapy in its three legs, demonstrated that ADHD participants self-rated improvements in all three treatments but that there were no differences between the neurofeedback group, sham neurofeedback group and CBT group. In other words, it wasn’t the neurofeedback that led folks to feel their symptoms were improved.
What might explain improvements? Though not reviewed in the research write up I read, a number of possibilities come to mind: placebo effect; paying attention to the idea of treatment; increasing mindfulness around ADHD behaviors because of weekly interactions with an ADHD professional; difficulty in accurate self assessment (common for those with ADHD.)
Source: The ADHD Report, December 2017, Neurofeedback Not Effective in Adult ADHD
Tags: neurofeedback, adult ADHD, treatment
March 12, 2018
What Does the "Child" Role Look Like in Parent/Child Dynamics
Communication Tips with ADHD
First, a definition. Parent/Child Dynamics are when couples interact in a way that has one partner (typically the non-ADHD partner) most often in control - taking responsibility for making things happen in a relationship, while the other partner (typically the ADHD partner) has less stature in the relationship...waiting to be told what to do, and with an opinion that is undervalued. The child figure is often scolded, nagged and more to try to get that partner to take on more responsibility. This tends to set up feelings of resistance or hopelessness. You have likely experienced this dybamic in your own relationship, and it kills your intimacy, kind feelings towards each other, and more. To thrive, you MUST get out of Parent/Dhild dynamics.
What does being a 'child' in a relationship look like?
First, you have little power. You feel as if you are being told what to do all the time. You might think 'why should I bother trying? I'll never be good enough.' You make decisions based upon trying not to 'get into trouble.' You are dependent upon another to guide you or picl up your messes. Most importantly, you under-function in the relationship.
These things are usually directly tied to under-management of ADHD symptoms (such as promising to do things, but then consistently not doing those things; not managing your time well, etc) and also can be linked to feelings of shame or feeling 'less than' others (low self-esteem).
Here's what it looks like:
You promise to do something, but rarely follow through.
You say to your partner 'I'll do what you want, just make me a list' rather than participate in guiding your own actions
Rather than call the other people with whom you are carpooling with to set up the schedule, you ask your partner how to do it
You shoulder little or none of the responsibility for joint responsibilities, such as childcare, even though you have the time
You do not stand up for your opinions or ideas in a constructive way
You throw tantrums or think it is okay to go from ) to 120 mph instantly, in order to get your way - an have no plans to address your anger issues
You subvert your partner's requests as a way of getting back at him or her
You require that your partner pick up after you at home, even though s/he doesn't have time or desire to do so
None of these things sound very complimentary when read in a list tlke this, and it can be hard to confront our own child-like behaviors. Particularly if you are having trouble accepting or managing your own ADHD. So here's what it looks like in your partner when you are acting like a child:
You get bossed around all the time
Your partner, who didn't used to seem to be a perfectionist, is chronically angry with your lack of performance
Your partner nags you
Your partner disciplines you or creates consequences for poor behavior, in an effort to hold you accountable.
I'm not saying these are good strategies (they aren't) - just that this is what you will notice.
What to do?
First, if you're in a child-like position in your relationship, it is hurting YOU most of all. So take it seriously. You want to be a full partner in your relationship, and only you can be the initiator of that process. Yes, your partner has things to fix, as well - for s/he cannot continue in the parenting role, either. But don''t waid for your partner to change. Work on your own issues, and your partner will come along.
Your first step is to do a better job of managing your symptomatic behaviors. Start with my online treatment guide (download this from the home page). Make sure you have the professional support you need - a doctor, therapist, coach, etc. If you are struggling to set up support systems that help you implement your plans, a coach could be a good choice. Consider meds if you haven't tried them - they have the hightest effect rates and can make a huge difference, though there are also other Leg 1 treatments, as well (see the guide!)
Set up structures that give you more power - such as weekly chore meetings in which you get to participate in setting your own assignments.
Don't ask your partner to organize for you. Hire a coach to teach you how to organize yourself
Learn to say 'no.' It's better to say no and explain why (calmly) than to take on a task you don't actually have time for.
Talk with your partner about which home tasks would most benefit your relationship if you took them on. Then, don't try harder...create a system that works for you that you can sustain. That's 'trying differently' the ADHD way.
If you have an anger issue, deal with it. Out of control anger hurts you as much as anyone else - those you love will learn to be wary of you and avoid you...which feels 'easier' in the short-term, but which degrades and/or destroys your relationship in the long.
The good news...
Getting out of Parent/Chlid Dynamics tales time and effort, but it is one of the singly most productive things you can do to make your marriage a happy one again.
Tags: anger, Parent/Child Dynamics, underfunctioning, self-esteem
What Does the "Child" Role Look Like iin Parent/Child Dynamics
Communication Tips with ADHD
First, a definition. Parent/Child Dynamics are when couples interact in a way that has one partner (typically the non-ADHD partner) most often in control - taking responsibility for making things happen in a relationship, while the other partner (typically the ADHD partner) has less stature in the relationship...waiting to be told what to do, and with an opinion that is undervalued. The child figure is often scolded, nagged and more to try to get that partner to take on more responsibility. This tends to set up feelings of resistance or hopelessness. You have likely experienced this dybamic in your own relationship, and it kills your intimacy, kind feelings towards each other, and more. To thrive, you MUST get out of Parent/Dhild dynamics.
What does being a 'child' in a relationship look like?
First, you have little power. You feel as if you are being told what to do all the time. You might think 'why should I bother trying? I'll never be good enough.' You make decisions based upon trying not to 'get into trouble.' You are dependent upon another to guide you or picl up your messes. Most importantly, you under-function in the relationship.
These things are usually directly tied to under-management of ADHD symptoms (such as promising to do things, but then consistently not doing those things; not managing your time well, etc) and also can be linked to feelings of shame or feeling 'less than' others (low self-esteem).
Here's what it looks like:
You promise to do something, but rarely follow through.
You say to your partner 'I'll do what you want, just make me a list' rather than participate in guiding your own actions
Rather than call the other people with whom you are carpooling with to set up the schedule, you ask your partner how to do it
You shoulder little or none of the responsibility for joint responsibilities, such as childcare, even though you have the time
You do not stand up for your opinions or ideas in a constructive way
You throw tantrums or think it is okay to go from ) to 120 mph instantly, in order to get your way - an have no plans to address your anger issues
You subvert your partner's requests as a way of getting back at him or her
You require that your partner pick up after you at home, even though s/he doesn't have time or desire to do so
None of these things sound very complimentary when read in a list tlke this, and it can be hard to confront our own child-like behaviors. Particularly if you are having trouble accepting or managing your own ADHD. So here's what it looks like in your partner when you are acting like a child:
You get bossed around all the time
Your partner, who didn't used to seem to be a perfectionist, is chronically angry with your lack of performance
Your partner nags you
Your partner disciplines you or creates consequences for poor behavior, in an effort to hold you accountable.
I'm not saying these are good strategies (they aren't) - just that this is what you will notice.
What to do?
First, if you're in a child-like position in your relationship, it is hurting YOU most of all. So take it seriously. You want to be a full partner in your relationship, and only you can be the initiator of that process. Yes, your partner has things to fix, as well - for s/he cannot continue in the parenting role, either. But don''t waid for your partner to change. Work on your own issues, and your partner will come along.
Your first step is to do a better job of managing your symptomatic behaviors. Start with my online treatment guide (download this from the home page). Make sure you have the professional support you need - a doctor, therapist, coach, etc. If you are struggling to set up support systems that help you implement your plans, a coach could be a good choice. Consider meds if you haven't tried them - they have the hightest effect rates and can make a huge difference, though there are also other Leg 1 treatments, as well (see the guide!)
Set up structures that give you more power - such as weekly chore meetings in which you get to participate in setting your own assignments.
Don't ask your partner to organize for you. Hire a coach to teach you how to organize yourself
Learn to say 'no.' It's better to say no and explain why (calmly) than to take on a task you don't actually have time for.
Talk with your partner about which home tasks would most benefit your relationship if you took them on. Then, don't try harder...create a system that works for you that you can sustain. That's 'trying differently' the ADHD way.
If you have an anger issue, deal with it. Out of control anger hurts you as much as anyone else - those you love will learn to be wary of you and avoid you...which feels 'easier' in the short-term, but which degrades and/or destroys your relationship in the long.
The good news...
Getting out of Parent/Chlid Dynamics tales time and effort, but it is one of the singly most productive things you can do to make your marriage a happy one again.
Tags: anger, Parent/Child Dynamics, underfunctioning, self-esteem
March 6, 2018
Should I Choose a Therapist Who Specializes in ADHD?
Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD
It’s all too easy to misinterpret ADHD symptoms and choices. For those who don’t understand the neurological underpinnings of adult ADHD, interruptions can be seen as rude or an indication that an ADHD partner doesn’t care about your opinion. Chronic distraction – when your partner pays little or not attention to you - can be interpreted as a lack of love. Difficulty following through on promised tasks can be seen as being untrustworthy.
If you understand ADHD, you know that interruptions can be an indicator that an ADHD partner is eager to contribute, but fears forgetting information. Or that the symptom ‘impulsivity’ is inadequately managed. That chronic distraction – the number one symptom of ADHD – often leads to feelings of loneliness in partners and that this is not related to how much one is loved. Further, it can be addressed.
Those who understand ADHD also understand how hard it is to set up the reminder systems to follow through. This is not laziness, but neurology – and there are ADHD-friendly ways to become more reliable.
Therapists are human, just like the rest of us, and they can misinterpret ADHD symptoms…and when they do, they may end up taking the ‘side’ of non-ADHD partners – trying to get ADHD partners to stop interrupting; pay more attention; and be more reliable in ways that work for neurotypical adults but not those with ADHD – specifically by ‘trying harder.’ Unwittingly, they also may reinforce the storyline that a non-ADHD partner has been harboring – that there is something ‘wrong’ with the ADHD partner, rather than that his or her mind works differently.
This is not to say that a great therapist has to have ‘ADHD Specialist’ pinned to their wall. Therapists who don’t specialize in ADHD can still understand it well enough to be of great assistance. But if you or your partner start hearing statements from your therapist that sound a lot like ‘try harder’ or feel as if that therapist is ganging up on the ADHD partner, it may be time to consider finding a new therapist.
Tags: ADHD therapy; counselors; misinterpretation of ADHD symptoms; adults with ADHD
February 7, 2018
How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners
Anger, Frustration & ADHDDiagnosis and Treatment of ADHD
There is a lot of discussion at the moment about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (what RSD is, here) and some number of people in my seminar have noted that this description of what it feels like to have ADHD is spot on. While Dr. Dodson (the MD who is the primary proponent of thinking about ADHD in this way) would have you believe that RSD is characteristic for virtually everyone who has ADHD, that has not been my experience as I have worked with couples. But for some, it's quite relevant, and helps provide insight into how their ADHD impacts themselves...and others.
The 'and others' is the topic of this post.
I recently received an email from a woman married to a man she believes has RSD.
"I have read about rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and this explains SO MUCH about my partner. This is just as big as him being diagnosed with ADHD. For our entire relationship I have been so perplexed by why he was such a people pleaser, saying and doing things that he thought the other person wanted to hear/have happen even if he didn't believe it or feel that way. And in the beginning of our relationship, when I would calmly bring up something I was upset about or something that he did that hurt me, broke trust, let me down, etc. he would just mock me and act like a child. He cannot handle anything from me that he perceives to be negative (even if it was small). Conversations that could have been quick and we could have moved through quite easily turn into a huge deal, with him deflecting, making up things that aren't true, turning it back on me and bringing up things that aren't related just to make me feel bad, focusing on my "tone" and the way I said something (if there's just a tinge of what he perceives to be annoyance he can't handle it -- and sometimes I'm annoyed and I want to express that I'm annoyed, I can't say everything in a sing-songy way with a smile on my face, that's just not going to happen). It escalates into an argument and totally gets out of hand.
What do we do in our situation? I really don't feel that I can have a rational conversation with him or bring up anything that he perceives to be negative towards him, I can't work through things with him.
I'm not in denial about my anger, and I acknowledge that I have unchecked anger. But I don't know what to do when I can't even have a calm conversation with him without him twisting things up, deflecting, exaggerating about something, turning on me or accusing me of something, bringing up something completely unrelated, etc. Luckily he doesn't mock me anymore, because I made that clear that that is not okay. But he also does kind of mock the conversation, say things that aren't true or that he knows will get a rise out of me just for the fun of it, and he'll have a smile on his face or laugh. It drives me nuts. I don't feel acknowledged, heard, validated, and nothing gets resolved, I can't work through the issue."
As is often the case in relationships that are struggling, both partners play a role in how their interactions unfold. In this case, BOTH partners are 'giving themselves a pass' on good behavior, for different reasons. The non-ADHD partner has allowed her frustration with his extreme sensitivity to become justification for her own 'unchecked anger,' while the combination of the ADHD partner's RSD (i.e. it feels awful when he feels critiqued) and her anger 'justify' the ADHD partner's continued anger and ridicule.
According to Dr. Dodson, medications such as Clonidine and Guanfacine may help diminish the pain of RSD for the ADHD partner in this couple, while the non-ADHD partner needs to engage with the idea that her anger - left unchecked - is also quite damaging to the couple's chances of success. The special challenge in this relationship is that his RSD means that standard ways of carefully expressing anger don't work as well as they might due to his hypersensitivity. That makes this a problem that the couple must work on together. This is a multi-faceted problem, which will take a multi-dimensional approach to treatment. Here is what I recommend:
Treat the RSD as a target symptom of ADHD - see if medications can take away some of the rejection sensitivity
Both parties would benefit form developing a mindfulness practice to help them (eventually) learn to recognize and acknowledge feelings of anger as they set in, but help them engage with those feelings less
Both partners need to take an objectve look at their own behavior and assess it relative to what a healthy relationship looks like (or the relationship they would like to have). If you don't want an angry, disconnected relationship, the first place to start improving things is with yourself - so stop blaming your partner and set a high enough standard for yourself
Use a therapist knowledgeable about ADHD to help keep difficult conversations calm, and learn important conversational skills, including...
Develop conflict intimacy skills (this is is a specific conversational style that includes non-aggressive speaking and non-defensive listening)
How to diminish anger in your relationship is a big challenge for many couples impacted by ADHD, not just those with RSD. I will be releasing a self-study seminar to help couples learn the skills they need to calm their intereactions around May of 2018. More information is here.
January 30, 2018
ADHD Valentine's Lament
Joy in Marriages with ADHD
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Oh no, once again
I forgot something for you!
Does this sound fitting?!
Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that can bedevil couples impacted by ADHD, as ADHD partners often forget to do something special for their partner. The result ican be either a last-minute underwhelming and impersonal gift, or no celebration at all.. Over the years, as resentment builds about being forgotten on this day that is supposed to celebrate romance, non-ADHD partners can become downright hostile about the holiday.
ADHD partners CAN do better. If you have ADHD, try these things:
RIGHT NOW (not at the end of this article) open your calendar and insert two 30 minute appointments labeled "Valentines planning' - one in the next 48 hours and one 2 days later. These will remind you to take the time to figure out something meaningful for your partner while you still have time to follow through to make it happen. (If you're reading this out of season, go to the end of January and do this...if you envision a holiday that will take more planning, adjust accordingly. The concept is to schedule it right now so you don't forget.)
Use the first appointment to brainstorm and explore ways to execute. Think of at least 5 ideas, asking yourself if your partner has mentioned anything lately that he or she would like to do. Try to avoid things your partner doesn't like that well, even if you think they're fun. (I know this is obvious, but...) If you don't have a specific plan in place (and preferably prepped to execute) by the end of the first appointment with yourself, make a third appointment. Just in case.
Use appointment 2 to do what is needed to make it happen. If you're cooking, schedule time to buy groceries. If you're traveling, make all the reservations and get that travel book. If you're getting a card, go buy it and spend some time thinking of loving things to write. You get the idea...
Yep...a successful Valentine's holiday is about planning ahead. And with ADHD, planning ahead is about making appointments with yourself far enough in advance, then following through.
And, if you ignored me the firest time and still haven't opened your calendar don't wait! Do it now. Your partner will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
P.S. To make it more fun, promise yourself a reward once you're done. :-)
Tags: ADHD Valentines Day; planning ahead
January 19, 2018
ADHD, Women, and Pregnancy
Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHDWomen with ADHD
A nice article has just been released in USA Today reviewing that more women with ADHD are getting diagnosed and using ADHD medications. With a high rate of unplanned pregnancies for women of child-bearing age, experts weigh in on how to handle pregnancy and these medications. Go to Why Cases of ADHD in Women are Skyrocketing.
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