Sheila Wray Gregoire's Blog, page 211

Reader Question: Why Did My Husband Change After We Got Married?

Every Monday I like to post a Reader Question and take a stab at answering it. I get a ton of questions, and I don’t have time to answer anything personally. But when something comes along that looks like it would apply to a lot of people, I like trying to answer it on the blog. Today we’re going to deal with what to do if your husband changed after marriage.

A reader writes:

What do you do when your husband changes who he is after you are married? I’ve been married for 3 years and prior to saying “I do” my husband was a fun guy, he liked to go out on dates etc. Now he’s not into anything, I try to get him to do stuff with me and he just say’s he’s not into it anymore. He’s even recently decided that he doesn’t need to get me presents anymore. He doesn’t see why he has to get me a Christmas present which he didn’t until 4 day’s later when he felt guilty. On Valentines day, he worked extra duty and went to get his hair cut. I saw him for and hour that day. Then we have a big fight on why it would have been nice to just get out of the house with him and do something together. I didn’t need gifts. He told me I was high maintenance expecting him to do something nice for me on Valentines. I don’t know what to do.

That certainly would be frustrating, and I can understand feeling so lonely and rather taken for granted. It is really hard when people who are supposed to care look like they don’t.

I want to give a few very quick thoughts with some links to longer posts I’ve written which may prove helpful, and then I’ve got a broader point to make–so read on!

1. Do You Know Your Husband’s Love Language?

From what I can see in this very brief letter (which obviously is missing a lot of key information), her love language is likely quality time or gifts. She doesn’t feel loved because in her experience, he isn’t thinking of her and caring for her in the way that she needs.

We tend to like to give love in the same way we like to receive love, so she’s probably wanting to spend time with him to show him that she loves him, and she’s not able to. But what if his love language is words of affirmation? Or service? Or physical touch? It could be that he is feeling just as lonely.

So I’d encourage you to look at love languages and talk to your husband and see if you can figure each other out. Lots of people like taking personality tests on the internet, so this may be something he’d join you in.

2. Are You Meeting His Needs?

She’s really upset because he’s not meeting her genuine needs for connection, and that definitely is lonely. But rarely have I seen a marriage where only one person is lonely. Often what happens is one person becomes upset, so they lash out in hurt, which makes the other spouse defensive and hurt so they withdraw. The other spouse is now hurt, too.

I know this is hard to ask yourself when you’re definitely hurting, but are you meeting your husband’s needs? Let’s take a look at ourselves first before we point the finger at him.

Why He Won’t Meet Your Needs

Why am I The One Who Has to Change? (if you’re uncomfortable with my suggestion here, read this post, too!)

3. Can You Find Things to Do Together?

She has a big need to spend time with her husband–and that is a legitimate need. Sometimes, though, we need to take the initiative and find things that will work for both of us.

Here are some posts that might help:

Finding Things to do Together

Benefits of Walking Together

Reviving Your Friendship

4. Marriage is a Big Adjustment–and It’s all About Expectations

Is the problem that your husband changed after marriage? Or is it more that he just didn’t change the way that you expected him to?

Marriage is a HUGE adjustment for most couples, and while some enjoy a “honeymoon” period where everything is wonderful, I think far more find those first two years the hardest of their lives. We had ideas that once we were married we’d eat dinner together every night, and we’d do stuff together, but maybe he didn’t share those ideas. Maybe he thought he’d just continue to have fun–but with you along for the ride. It’s not that either of you is wrong; it’s just that you had different ideas of what life was going to be like.

Maybe what you need to do, then, is to talk about your expectations and your dreams and your visions for  you as a couple and as a family. If we can actually talk about our expectations, then we can start to understand our spouse better and figure out how to adjust. But if you never talk about the expectations, we tend to make a lot of assumptions–including assuming that the other person doesn’t really love us the way we love them.

This post may help you inspire some conversation:

Dream Together as a Couple

Do All Men Change After Marriage?

Everybody changes after they get married, as Dayna Bickham wrote about so well last week in our Wifey Wednesday.

But I’m not sure the problems we encounter in marriage are as much about people changing as they are about the fact that once we’re married we learn people’s true selves.

And what worries me is that many people get married without really knowing the person they are marrying.

What I see in this letter, for instance, is that before marriage they went on dates, but after marriage they don’t. Now, I think dating is fun, and should certainly continue after marriage. In fact, I’ve got a post on cheap date night ideas for married couples, too!

But here’s the thing:

Doing “dating things” is not preparation for marriage. Dating tells you almost nothing about what that person will be like once you’re married.

You don’t need to know whether or not someone is capable of taking you to movie and a dinner. What you need to know is what they do on a day-to-day basis, when they’re at home. It’s the home life that counts, not the dating, because dating isn’t real.

I know a young couple who has started seeing each other in the last few months, and they’ve fallen quite hard, too. But while they see each other constantly, they’ve only been on three real “dates”. They simply don’t have the money. So instead they hang out with friends, or go on walks, or just spend time talking and cooking together. They go to church together. That’s a better preparation for marriage if you ask me, because that’s sharing real life.

Too often when we date we don’t share real life, and so you truly don’t know what this person is really like. It could be that this guy hasn’t changed at all–it’s just that she never really knew him.

That’s why I’m very adamant that we need to ask our friends those hard questions before they get married.

Sit them down and drill them, even if they’re uncomfortable, because it’s better to do that than to have a friend marry badly. And as I said in my post last week, one of the key questions is: What do you DO together? If the only things you really “do” together are dating things, then you don’t know how you will act when you actually marry.

And the other key question? How does he treat his mom? I know some men treat their moms like queens and treat their wives horribly, but that really is the exception. Most men who treat their moms well also treat their wives well. If he doesn’t send his mom a Mother’s Day card, and doesn’t remember her birthday, and doesn’t care about Christmas, it’s unlikely he will for you, either.

We don’t know enough about this letter writer, and so I’m not trying to say that all of this was necessarily visible before she got married. But I do think for many people it is. You meet someone; you get infatuated; and you spend time together being all romantic. But that’s not the basis for a life together. You have to have shared purpose, and shared values, and a shared vision. That’s what’s really important in a future spouse.

What if you don’t share anything important with your husband?

Then it’s time to start building the relationship from the ground up. Work at being his friend. Find things to do together–even things you never thought you’d enjoy. Figure out what his love language is and really love on him.

You made this vow, and the vow matters. Bailing on the marriage is unlikely to bring you a lot of happiness, but working on the marriage you have likely will. So ask God for grace and patience and focus on what you can do to make things better, not on what he can do. You just may find that you enjoy being with him after all.

What about you? Were you surprised that your husband changed after marriage? Did he go from a romantic guy to someone who missed birthdays? How did you deal with it? Let me know in the comments!

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The post Reader Question: Why Did My Husband Change After We Got Married? appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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Rhinestone Jesus: Are We Ready for a Messy Faith?

Do you struggle with figuring out God’s calling on your life? Do you go through your day and wonder, is this really what I’m supposed to be doing? Because it doesn’t feel right. You’re tired. You lose your temper. Life is simply hard.

And if we’re in the middle of God’s will, we’ll feel peace. We’ll have His strength, so we won’t have to battle as hard. It’ll be like we’re in the peaceful part in the middle of the tornado, and the winds and the rain won’t bother us. We know that we’re safe.

Right?

What if I were to say that I don’t believe a word of that, and I don’t think that’s Scriptural at all.

I see no evidence in Scripture that says that once we’re in the middle of God’s will life somehow becomes easy, and we don’t struggle. In fact, I see the opposite. I was speaking at a retreat last weekend and told the story of Elijah, who was completely in the middle of God’s will. He had a big show-down with the priests of Baal, during which God actually rained down fire from heaven (how COOL is that?). And Elijah was vindicated. And what’s the very next thing that happens? The queen decides to have Elijah killed, and he has to flee from his life, in total depression.

Sometimes being in the middle of God’s will is not easy at all.

I think we have misunderstood the nature of the Christian life. We think when we’re Christians life should be beautiful and easy.  And we want people to come to know God, and so we’re told that we’re supposed to show them how attractive our lives are, with great kids, good marriages, good finances, a picture perfect life.

Personally, I think people will be far more attracted to something that is authentic and real and has purpose than something that simply looks good on the outside. That’s safe. That’s predictable. That’s even–shall I say it?–boring.

Jesus did not die so that we could live boring lives.

Jesus died so that we could live BIG lives–lives where we are sold out completely for Him. And personally I worry that I was far more sold out when I was younger and had less to lose than I do know. I think I need a messier faith.

And that’s what Kristen Welch realized. Her new book Rhinestone Jesus releases this week, and she has something very important to say, that we here in North America really need to listen to.

Kristen was a stay-at-home mom, wife to a pastor. She’s the blogger at We Are THAT Family. And she had her “Rhinestone Jesus”, where He was all sparkly and faith was lovely and perfect and never messy. And then God took her to Kenya. And her heart was broken. And even though she had a messy life, and she didn’t have a lot of money, and she didn’t know what she could do, she decided to do something. Just something small.

And today the family has a second home in Kenya, paid for by generous readers of her blogs, where she runs a home for pregnant unwed moms (many of whom are victims themselves) and helps them raise their babies. It truly is a beautiful story. And as one who has done the same work as Kristen, albeit in a smaller form and at a different home, I have such a heart for what she’s doing. My own mom is going back to Kenya (for the sixth time!) next year to help young women in similar situations become self-supporting.

But you don’t have to go to Africa. You don’t have to do something “big”. You just have to do SOMETHING. Because when we do something in our mess, it’s amazing how God can work with that mess.

What if the Rhinestone Jesus was no longer enough for us? What if we stopped trying to live sparkly lives and started trying to live REAL lives–listening to God, doing something small, one step at a time, and giving Him our yes? Even in our mess?

As Kristen says,

God isn’t waiting for you to clean up your mess. He’s just waiting on you to yes in your mess. (click to tweet)

“World changers don’t set out to change the world. They see one need and do what they can to meet it.” And then it multiplies, and you find yourself with a whole new take on life, because the mess doesn’t matter. It’s not about having things perfect. It’s about loving God and loving others.

And that is not easy. When we start saying yes, the mess doesn’t disappear. It just changes. You face opposition. Kristen did–from family, from friends, even from herself. Her kids didn’t always react the way she wanted them to. Her body didn’t like traveling. It wasn’t easy. But you get perspective, you get excitement, you get purpose. You get meaning. And that’s important.

I don’t want to live a Rhinestone Faith, trying to look sparkly. I’m okay with my mess, and as I shared yesterday, I’ve had a lot of mess this year. But if God can use me, even in my mess–if I can find a way to say yes to the small things, rather than trying to be all sparkly, I think that’s how God wants to change the world.

Will you say yes with me?

Rhinestone Jesus is the spiritual adventure story of one woman who went from living a safe, “good-girl” faith that didn’t cost much, to realizing that God was daring her to say yes to a deeper, more authentic way. This book throws the doors wide open for any woman who has ever thought of herself as “just a mom”.

 

 

The post Rhinestone Jesus: Are We Ready for a Messy Faith? appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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In Which I Share Too Much Information and Scar You For Life

I am getting old.

Obviously we all are aging, but somehow that process seems to have gone by faster for me in the last few years.

It all started when my cycles got out of whack. At first I blamed it on my daughters. You know how when you have a bunch of women living in one house their bodies tend to adjust to each other and your cycles line up? Well, I was living with teens who weren’t quite “regular” yet, so I thought that’s why I was going all wonky. I didn’t think much of it.

Then the wonkiness wasn’t wonkiness as much as it was frequency. I’ve always been a 30 day kind of gal, like clockwork. Then I went to 28, which disappointed me, but really was nothing to complain about.

21 days, on the other hand, is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!!! And having to sleep on top of a towel, and not go out for more than 2 hours during “that time of the month” in case Niagara Falls hits, is really frustrating.

And if said cycle also lasts way too long, too, life just becomes unfair.

But it’s not just that life isn’t fair. It’s that your body decides it’s had enough, and then it decides not to make any more red blood cells, because really, what’s the point? You’re losing them too fast anyway. May as well go kick your feet up and grab a cold one and take the day off.

So your body takes a whole bunch of days off, and one day you wake up and you are so TIRED you feel like you did during the first trimester of pregnancy. But you can’t figure out the reason, so you push ahead, and push ahead, and push ahead, until one day you come back from a speaking engagement and flying all over the country and you just lose it. You start crying uncontrollably because life is just so OVERWHELMING and you can’t do it anymore.

Eventually you decide maybe a visit to the doctor may be in order, and lo and behold, you have major anemia. Yay! You’re not going crazy. There’s a reason!

So you take iron supplements for a few months, and you’re happily contented because soon this will all be over. You go for another checkup, and–WHAM!–you’re even more anemic than before.

Your doctor is now worried, and sends you for an ultrasound and a specialist, but this is Canada, and both take forever. So in the meantime she puts you on a progesterone pill, hoping this will even out the cycles.

It doesn’t. It’s just as bad.

And not just that, but one day you wake up and you’re certain you have bed bugs, because you have bites ALL OVER YOUR LEGS. Everyday they keep coming. Then some on your hands. You do research on the internet, because, OH MY GOODNESS, THOSE ARE IN MY BED!?! And you want to throw out your bedding, but the internet says there’s no point, because the little critters may be in your night table. Or your beautiful wooden headboard. And you can’t throw everything out! So you do the biggest clean you’ve done in your entire life, and then fly out to Calgary for five days to speak at a marriage conference.

You’re happy, because there will be no more bed bugs!

But there are. The bites keep happening. And you REJOICE! Because this means the problem is with YOU, not your BED.

It’s those blasted pills. They gave me a weird rash.

Oh, and did I mention I gained five pounds within two weeks of starting them?

Then, right after the trip home from Calgary, your leg starts to feel weird. Within a few days you can’t walk the pain is so bad. You go in for an emergency ultrasound because they think it may be a blood clot. It’s not. You have an Xray. They don’t see anything there, either. Finally they conclude you have inflamed superficial veins, which are totally harmless but hurt like the dickens. So they give you Tylenol 3s, which make you very happy.

And you go home and put on old lady pressure stockings.

OLD. LADY. PRESSURE. STOCKINGS.

Oh, yeah, baby. Old lady pressure stockings. Muffin top. Old lady slippers. Doesn’t get better than that!

You are officially an old lady.

Sixteen years ago, when you had varicose veins ripped out after your last child, the surgeon said, “you’ll have to wear these from now on, for the rest of your life.” You scoffed at him. You laughed. You were 28. You were invincible! And besides, it was July and it was HOT.

And now you’re wearing them all the time out of desperation. You’re even sleeping with them. They’re like one huge, tight chastity belt.

In the middle of all this you finally get that ultrasound appointment, where you become far too intimate with a probe. And after that humiliation, it turns out you have several things in your uterus that need to be taken out.

So you’re scheduled for surgery.

And that’s where I’m going. Tomorrow. My daughter has the biggest quiz meet of the year this weekend, and I’m just praying I’ll be well enough to go see her on Saturday.

Mostly I’m praying this will fix a lot of my problems, because I’ve just been so tired.

I understand what people mean now when they talk about having black moods, and just being so depressed and unable to move. I know what it feels like to just feel desperate, and logically you know you shouldn’t feel that way, but there’s no way to kick yourself out of that mode.

This has been a tough year in so many ways. Work is busier. I miss my oldest daughter. My husband’s work has increased, too. And I’m just so tired all of the time. Things that once were easy–like going grocery shopping–seem like so much effort I could curl up in a ball and cry. And sometimes I even do.

I love my husband, but so often I erupt because I just can’t handle life. And I find myself feeling so guilty all the time for not being a good wife and mom that I shut people out, which is totally counterproductive. I just want “me” back again.

Perimenopause and menopause are really hard on some women, and I have a feeling the next ten years are going to rather challenging for me. But at least if there’s one thing that I’ve realized, it’s that I can’t keep going full steam ahead with everything I’m doing. I really need rest, or my body is going to start to shut down!

So if you think of me tomorrow, can you say a prayer for me in surgery? It could either be something really simple or something far more complex, and they won’t know until they get in there.

Thanks so much! And I hope I didn’t scar any of you too badly.

Okay, totally shameless plug now that I have you all feeling sorry for me: Can you help me reach 20,000 likes on Facebook this weekend? I’ve been feeling a little down all week, and if I had something to look forward to–some goal other than just “get through surgery and hope I shaved my legs enough that I won’t embarrass myself”, then I’d be happier. I need about 700 more people–so come on over and “like” my page, and send other people my way, too!

 

 

The post In Which I Share Too Much Information and Scar You For Life appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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Wifey Wednesday: He’s Not the Man I Married Anymore!

It’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage! Today please welcome Dayna from Dayna Bickham, who shares how her husband has changed since they got married.

The man I married no longer exists.

When we married, nearly twenty years ago, I thought I knew what our life together would be like. I thought I knew what I was getting into and who I was marrying. Boy was I wrong.

Randy was a people pleaser, a mercy man, and was more emotionally driven than most guys I knew. When I met him I liked these things about him. I was so opposite. I did not care what people thought of me or my actions (good or bad), I saw things in stark black and crisp white and emotions were something of a bi-polar topic for me. I wore my joy and anger on my sleeves equally, but hid any other emotions because they made me feel weak. Randy seemed to know that and gave me a safe place to land where all that broken stuff in me did not matter.

But Randy isn’t the man I married all those years ago. My husband has changed.

You see, I married a guy who I thought would understand me as I was and never try to change me. I married a guy who I thought would always strive to please me.  I married a guy who I thought would let me emotionally vomit on him any time I needed to because he understood me. Oh, how wrong I was.

Thank God.

Randy is not that same shy boy I married and I am no longer that self-centered little girl.

Marriage is a great catalyst that way.

cat·a·lyst ˈkatl-ist/ noun

A substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.

Change is Coming

Marriage begins with a blissful ignorance. There may be small things that bug us about the other one — like toothpaste cap application issues and replacing the toilet paper — but in general the buzz we feel from being “in love” still lingers and we move on. But over time we realize that the things we thought we liked about the other person may not be as good as we thought.

Life begins to rub up against us in some really uncomfortable ways and stress begins to squeeze us. Like those glow sticks you have to break and shake to make glow, stress bends us to a point where we hit our breaking point. The consequent shaking can either tear you apart or make you cling more tightly to one another. If you cling then likely you will change – fundamentally and radically. The people who come out of the stress induced crisis are different than the ones who go in.

This is life — but in marriage it is intensified.

So change is inevitable. Slowly and surely the man you fell in love with will change. So will you. This is a good thing.

Does anyone want to still be married to the kid version of their spouse — the one who did not know how to pay bills, who’d rather go see a movie than mow the lawn and found video games a better way to spend all his time — that kid version? What about you? Do you think he wants to stay with a girl who takes hours to get ready, never says what she really thinks, doesn’t order her own food but eats all of his fries, and spends all her time daydreaming instead of doing?

Change Chafes

So when you find yourself getting frustrated with your spouse because they are not the person you thought they were, kindly get over yourself.

I know that seems harsh, but it is time we grow up a little when it comes to marriage. Our spouses are not one size fits all and there is no return policy. Not if we want marriage done God’s way.

So I propose — if you are having a difficult time with your spouse — you do this. Write down the top three things you loved about him/her then (leave some space in-between your answers – or you can make a chart), next write down how those things have changed.

Spouse’s Name

How Did He/She Change

Why did they change? What happened?

Is this Good or Bad? How?

Trait 1 You Liked





Trait 2 You Liked





Trait 3 You Liked

Now, write down why those things have changed. If we are honest, the reasons why may include the answer, “Because I changed…” or life challenge words like “cancer” or “mom’s death” may come into play.

Finally, ask yourself why the change in your spouse is a bad thing? (I am not talking about sin issues here — those need to be addressed separately from this.) Ask yourself, what new character trait has developed? How that can make your marriage stronger?

If you can, get your spouse to do this evaluation on you, and then talk about what that means to your relationship. There will be things that are beneficial to your marriage and things that you will not like. It will be up to you to “fix” those outliers and move forward with more focus on who you are now.

Change Your Mindset

Like any plant, we need some encouragement. Plants get encouragement through their environments and from pruning/training. We are similar. We get encouragement to grow when our marriage is safe, full of life, and well apportioned with love and devotion (our environment). In addition, our spouses can help shape our growth by lovingly working alongside us — pointing out what needs cutting out — so we can grow (pruning/training.)

I am not saying your spouse is there to parent you. I am saying the person you married should be trustworthy enough to help make you into a better person without destroying you at the roots.

Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other. Proverbs 27:17 CEV

I cannot tell you how many times Randy has brought up my trigger temper (at great risk to him! Ha!) or I have encouraged him to break free of his shyness more. Both are uncomfortable topics for each of us, but if we want a healthier, happier life, growth must happen.

Lou Holtz, one of the best football coaches of all time says, “In this world you’re either growing or you’re dying so get in motion and grow.”

The key is growing together.

What kind of changing has happened in your spouse since you married? How have you handled that change?

Dayna is a writer and speaker. She is also a wife, mother, and Whovian. Bow ties ARE cool. She loves great music, food, and laughing. Above all she loves laughing. Dayna blogs at daynabickham.com. During the summers she leads mission trips around the world. Her passion is teaching people to hear the Lord for themselves and to pursue whatever he says with their whole heart. You can friend her on Facebook and Twitter. Dayna’s is the author of Chosen for Purpose: Overcoming Giants and Living Your Dreams, available at online retailers everywhere.

Now, do you have any advice for us today? Link up the URL of a marriage post to today’s Wifey Wednesday, and get some traffic back to your blog!

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10 Things to Ask a Friend Who is About to Get Married

I’ve been friends with Diane for seven years. She had divorced about five years before that through no choice of her own; her husband left her for another woman. Diane got a job, pulled herself up by her bootstraps, and supported her three kids. She also became very active in our church, working with the youth. She was a bundle of energy and on fire for God. I love her very much.

Then she met Peter. He wasn’t necessarily the kind of guy that we all pictured Diane with. But Diane loved him, and they became engaged.

People were wondering whether or not she was marrying the wrong person, and I decided that rather than talk about it, I would take Diane out to Dairy Queen and we would have a long talk before her wedding. I would ask her all the questions that were on my mind so that I’d be able to either support the marriage wholeheartedly, or give her a real warning.

I was reading a blog post recently from Love Truthfully about a woman who discovered her husband had had a porn addiction. When asked what she wishes people had told her before she was married, she replies:

People simply told us that we were “such a great couple” without offering any real wisdom on the journey we were about to embark on. I wish someone had not told us something specific, but that they had asked us the hard questions, that we had been forced to look deeply at ourselves and to really prepare for the journey. It would not have been a magical fix, but would have equipped us and offered more sure footing.

I think that’s so important–let’s ask the hard questions! And so today, on Top 10 Tuesday, I’d like to share 10 Things to Ask a Friend who is about to Get Married.

1. Does He Use Porn? Are you sure?

Porn use is so toxic to a marriage–and to a person’s soul. It eventually changes their personality as well, so the wonderful, loving man you think you’re marrying is no longer that loving, wonderful man. So ask: does he use porn? And then ask deeper: does he let you see his phone? Can you check the history on his computer? Is he open with you using his devices, or does he balk at that? There is no room for secrecy before you get married; you need to go in with your eyes wide open.

If this is a problem for you, I’ve written a post on Should You Marry Someone who Uses Porn that may help.

If he uses porn, or keeps his electronics secret, that’s a red flag.

2. What do you DO together for fun?

Many couples do very little together. Before marriage they watch movies or they make out. That’s not really a foundation for a marriage. Also, often before marriage we “date”. We go out to dinner, and we do “dating” things. But do you do day-to-day things? Have you cleaned the house together? Have you done a project together? Do you have a hobby you enjoy? Make sure that the couple actually has fun things that they enjoy doing, because once you’re married you can’t have sex all the time, and you can’t watch movies all the time. You need something that will build your experiences together.

If you have no hobbies together, that’s a red flag. 

3. Can you PRAY together?

I know many people have difficulty praying out loud, and for some people prayer is such an intimate thing that praying together before you’re married can actually lead to a lot of sexual temptation (that may sound odd, but for many people it’s through spiritual intimacy that they feel the most drawn sexually, which is actually quite natural). But you should know that you can pray together. If the guy says he’s a Christian, and he goes to church, but he never wants to pray and you never see him reading the Bible, then you have to wonder if he’s truly a believer. Don’t marry someone thinking he’s one way and refusing to look at the facts on the table that perhaps he really isn’t like that.

If you’ve never heard him pray, that’s a red flag.

4. Do you know his financial situation?

You will be one in every way–including financially. Do you know what he owes? Do you know what he makes? Most importantly, do you know what he spends? Do you know what you make? Do you know what you spend? Have you shared this with him? I know one woman close to me who received a large inheritance from her father, and it was in an investment account. She didn’t tell her future husband about it until just days before the wedding, and I totally understand why. She didn’t the fact that she had a lot of money influencing the relationship. But in general, it’s a good idea to be completely financial open with the person you are marrying. I’d even suggest setting up a post-wedding budget NOW, before you’re married, so that you see what life will look like.

If he’s reluctant to tell you what he spends or makes, and especially if it’s because he doesn’t know, that’s a red flag.

5. How do you plan to serve together?

The Christian life is not just about attending church; it’s about being part of a community. How will you be a part of that community together? Will you volunteer in youth? In childcare? Will you be part of the outreach team at your church? Will you work on a university campus? Will you volunteer at a food bank?

If he can’t tell you any way that he’d like to serve, that’s a red flag.

6. Does his family accept you?

You’re not just marrying him; you’re marrying his whole family. Have you made an effort to get to know them? Has he made an effort to get to know yours? Sometimes you can’t have relationships with some family members because they are toxic, but have you talked about this so that you both are on the same page? How will you spend vacations? Just make sure that this has been discussed.

Not getting along with his family is not a red flag necessarily; but not discussing or coming to an agreement on what that relationship will look like once you’re married is.

7. How does he treat his mom?

One of the best rules of thumb I’ve ever seen is how a guy treats his mother. If he hugs her, calls her, and treats her with honour, he’ll likely do the same with his wife. If he lets her wait on him, he’ll do that with his wife, too.

If your fiance treats his mother poorly, that’s a huge red flag.

8. How clean does he keep his apartment/house?

If his place is always a pigsty, remember–his habits won’t miraculously change once you’re married. He’s likely very messy. If his house is neat as a pin, will that conflict with your cleaning standards?

If you haven’t talked about who will do housework, and what the house will look like, that’s a red flag.

9. Tell me something you’ve been unhappy with him about, and how that was resolved.

If you’ve never been unhappy with anything, that’s a red flag, because it likely means you’ve both had a mask on and you’re not being your authentic selves yet. You’re still in the dating phase, and you don’t really know what the person is like. On the other hand, if you have been unhappy about something, but you just chose to overlook it and not bring it up, then that doesn’t bode well, either. Before you get married, you should have resolved at least some issues. If you haven’t, then you’ve been shoving things under the rug, and that is a seriously dangerous way to live in a marriage.

If you’ve never had a conflict, even something minor, that’s a red flag. It may be time to prolong the engagement and get some serious counseling together. It could be that one, or both, of you isn’t being honest and is still hiding a lot of true feelings. This needs to come out before you get married.

10. How does he handle anger?

Have you seen him angry? What did he do? Are you confident that he is safe to be with, and that your future children will be safe with him?

Erupting in irrational anger, where others feel threatened, is a huge red flag. Many people have anger issues; talk with a counselor about these before the wedding.

There you go–ten questions to ask a friend who is about to get married, to help her think things through and see if she’s marrying the wrong person or not–or whether the marriage is a good idea or not. I don’t believe that there is one magical “right” person for anybody, but I definitely believe there can be a “wrong” person. So even if that friend has gone through marriage counseling with a pastor (and I hope she has), it’s still a good idea, as her friend, to ask these questions early.

And Diane? In that conversation I came to see Peter in a totally new light. She told me things about him we at the church had never seen. I understood her deep love for that man. And I supported her marriage wholeheartedly. But she was glad, too–she had never thought through all of my questions before, and even trying to answer them helped her articulate some things and helped her be even more sure about her decision. A mature person who is ready for marriage will welcome these questions. An immature person will not–and that, in turn, is a red flag.

Don’t let your friend enter into a marriage naively, before she’s ready, or to someone who isn’t godly or good. Ask the hard questions now. That’s what a real friend would do.

I haven’t even talked about the question “are you having sex”, because I hope we’d be asking that of each other, and keeping each other accountable, long before the engagement. But that’s an important one, too! I just didn’t put it in because I think that’s an ongoing question that we should all be asking our friends to keep them accountable, and not something that would only surface once they’re engaged. If you’re interested, here’s a post on why we should wait until marriage to have sex.

Now let me know in the comments–what questions would you add? Did anyone ask you the hard questions before you were married? What did you say?

The post 10 Things to Ask a Friend Who is About to Get Married appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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Wifey Wednesday: What I Wish I Had Known Before I Was Married
A Witness to Our Lives: Why People Get Married

Reader Question: How do I Bring God Naturally into Parenting?

Every Monday I like to put up a Reader Question and take a stab at answering it. Today I want to tackle bringing God into parenting naturally, because I’ve had quite a few questions like this:

You always talk about keeping the lines of communication open with your kids if you want them to grow up and make good decisions. But I don’t want it to sound forced! And I don’t know how to mention God without sounding preachy. How do I make it natural?

I’m going to address that question further down, but first a bit of a detour for an important announcement. Today’s the last day of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale. It’ll be gone at midnight EST tonight! So I thought I’d share my three of my favourite resources from the Bundle that I haven’t highlighted yet before I get to our Reader Question.

 

Your Retreat

Erin Odom Boyd has written this great book, with tons of printables, to help you take a one-day “retreat” and figure out your goals for the next year.

I just love it–and I’m totally doing it this summer! I’m going to relax in my hammock at a campsite and I’m going to pray and work through this having a “silent” day. I just love planners, but this one is different. She helps you brainstorm all the different things that are important to you, but then she helps you focus in on the three or four that you really want to stress over the year, since you can’t do everything. It’s wonderful!

Steady Days: A Journey Towards Intentional, Professional Motherhood

Be intentional. Be purposeful. I say that over and over again in this blog. But how do you do that when your life consists of laundry and kids not wanting to eat what’s on their plate and a toddler crying every time you try to have quality time with an older child?

Jamie Martin has written a great book to help you take “baby steps” towards making your motherhood journal intentional.

She lived in chaos for a while, because Jamie’s journey to motherhood was different than most. They adopted two small children and then had a baby in the space of a year. That’s a lot of change! And Jamie realized she couldn’t do it unless she took it seriously and made a plan.

Ironically, when we take it more seriously, we’re also able to experience more joy in motherhood.

Here’s a great resource to help you become more intentional.

Restoring the Lost Petal–a Look at Soul Ties

Oh, my goodness, I love this book! This fits in so well with this blog that as soon as I read my copy (we were given the bundle a few weeks ago so we could scout everything out for you) I contacted the author, Danielle Tate, to guest post on this blog.

But here’s the basic premise:

A lot of us are dealing with “soul ties” from previous relationships, and this wonderful devotional helps walk you through the steps to break those ties. Some of those steps are spiritual–like praying–but many are also practical. It’s a chance to reset yourself the way Jesus wants you to, and give a new start to your marriage. I love it!

So there you go–three more resources I love from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle.

But there are so many more–and of course over $200 worth of freebies! So if you haven’t picked it up yet, get it now, because it will be gone forever at midnight tonight.

Get your Ultimate Homemaking Bundle now! It’s available in .pdf form, or specially formatted for Kindle.

Okay, now let’s look at that question.

How do we bring God into our parenting naturally?

1. God has to be a natural part of your life.

You can’t just “naturally” talk about God if you don’t actually know Him. If you’re feeling nervous, and you don’t know what to say, and you don’t want to sound stupid, and you’re wondering if your kids will even listen to you, then I’d suggest taking a month or so and really trying to get closer to God. Snatch moments through the day for your devotions if you have to. Join a Bible study that meets weekly and start praying out loud there–force yourself! I know it’s awkward, but the more we can do these things, the less awkward it gets. Things are awkward when they’re new. When they’re not as new, it’s a lot easier.

So if you’re feeling awkward, it may be a sign not that your parenting is off but that you need to spend more time with God first!

2. You need time to talk

Dr. Laura once said that “quality time grows out of quantity time”, and I totally believe that. You can’t expect to have deep conversations with kids if you don’t actually get much time with them. So limit your extracurricular activities (I can’t stress enough how important this is!). Have technology free times, like over the dinner hour, when you can talk. Try to eat dinner as a family, rather than scattering.

If you know you’re growing apart from one of your kids, your instinct may be to grab hold hard. That often causes the child to withdraw. A better approach is simply to find more time when you aren’t busy when you can just be with your child–with no agenda. The best conversations come from times when you’re just hanging out.

3. Do things together

My youngest daughter and I get into the best talks when we go for walks together, which we try to do daily, especially now that the weather’s cooperating more. Getting outside is somehow calming, too. You can hear the birds, and see nature, and the computer and phone aren’t always beckoning.

Other people swear that their best conversations happen in the car. If that’s true for you, try to chauffeur kids to things one on one, if possible. Have your husband watch some kids and have some special time in the car with one child.

4. Own up to your mistakes

The best teaching times I’ve had with my girls are when I’ve messed up. When I haven’t been the best mom, and have lost my temper too quickly, or have let them down, that’s when I can really model God to them.

Take those opportunities to offer a heartfelt apology, and then model a prayer of confession when you remind your kids that you’ve also sinned against God. Ask for their forgiveness. When we’re open about the ways that we’ve messed up, it makes it easier for kids to see where they also mess up. And I honestly don’t think you can have a relationship with God unless you first see that you mess up. Without sin there’s no need for salvation. So let them see it, and let them see that confession isn’t weakness. It’s good to acknowledge our faults, and to do it quickly when we make mistakes.

5. Make use of great resources

The first four suggestions will give you more time to talk and will hopefully open the doors to communication because you’re spending more time with God and with the kids. But if you want to be really intentional, sometimes we still need some help!

Here are just a few resources from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle that I just love for this purpose exactly.

Fruit of the Spirit: Learning to Speak Life

Many of us want to do “family devotions”, but we don’t know where to start.

And I have to admit–the vast majority of family devotionals I’ve found in Christian bookstores are, to put it simply, lame.

Learning to Speak Life isn’t. It’s wonderful! Each fruit of the spirit has a week to work through, and there are stories, role playing games, verses to memorize, family activities–even a big volunteer activity you can do as a family if you so choose.

It’s got thoughts for different ages, which is so important if you have kids spanning a wide age range in your family.

And it’s super easy to do. It doesn’t need a lot of set-up. You can just incorporate it into your dinner together. If more families did this, we’d be raising kids who were excited about God!

Filling Hearts While Cleaning Homes

Turn everyday things like chores into opportunities to speak God’s word into their lives!

These printables are awesome! All kinds of chores, like dusting, sorting the recycling, watering the plants, and more, are given a Scriptural story and verse and a little activity to do with your kids. They’re awfully fun, though probably best for kids 4-9.

More Than Candy–a 25 Day Countdown to Christmas that Counts!

I know Christmas is still 8 months away, but this is a book you’re going to want to have on hand.

I was so impressed with Sarah Mae’s countdown to Christmas. She’s got such supremely hands-on, practical ways to bring home the Christmas message to your kids so that Christmas becomes meaningful. Interwoven in the days are volunteering ideas, ideas to make carols more relevant, and more. The aim of it is to make sure that our families are gifts to our communities, not just that our families are waiting to see what gifts they get.

This one is awesome! If you want to start conversations with your kids, here’s a great guide to make a Christmas they’ll remember for all the right reasons.

Those are just three resources you can use with your kids to bring God into your parenting naturally. I’ve talked about others on this blog, too, including Barrett Johnson’s book The Talks (not part of the Homemaking Bundle) which helps you talk to your kids about dating and sex, and even using Anglican prayer books if you just can’t pray out loud. We’ve read prayers at the dining room table before. It can be a lovely family experience. And the younger you start it, the more natural it becomes.

I know sometimes we feel awkward, but take a deep breath and remember: I’m just sharing with my kids my own heart. I’m sharing something that’s important to me. If those things are true, then you’ll find it much easier to parent with God.

Now let me know: how do you bring God in to your parenting naturally? Leave a comment and tell us!

Remember, don’t miss the Homemaking Bundle! It’s gone tonight at midnight EST.

And great news! If money is tight in April, then you can wait to pay until May!

You can order it today, but then not pay until May 1! (You also don’t get access to the bundle until May 1, but for some of you, this may be a great option.)

Buy it on Kindle but Pay in May

Buy it in .pdf but Pay in May

Remember, it’s up at midnight tonight!

The post Reader Question: How do I Bring God Naturally into Parenting? appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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I Love Freebies!

We’re in the middle of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale, an awesome bundle where you can get $850 worth of products, including almost 80 ebooks, 2 audio files, and $200 worth of freebies, for just $29.97. But it ends Monday at midnight!

So today I thought I’d focus on the free stuff, because everyone loves free stuff!

What are the Ultimate Homemaking Bonus Offers? ($200+ value)

These deals are worth over six times the price of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle.

Freebies to Encourage Each Other

Reach out and touch someone! I talked a while ago about being careful we don’t DIScourage people in ministry. Here’s a way to ENcourage them!

DaySpring—A FREE 10-pack of Premium Greeting Cards. ($20.00 Value. Standard shipping applies.)

These are lovely! You get to choose from 10 Hope and Encouragement cards, 10 All Occasion, or 10 Inspirational Holly Gerth ones. We don’t send cards enough anymore. Here’s the chance to change that and be a little more personal!

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

Freebies to Inspire Each Other

HopeInk—$15 HopeInk store credit to be used towards anything + a FREE 8×10 Art Print with order. ($39.00 Value. Standard shipping applies.)

HopeInk has such gorgeous art prints, and you can make your home more peaceful just by having them on the walls. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure and exhaustion lately, so this is the one I chose:

But I was really tempted by the knitting one–I was knitted together in my mother’s womb! Lovely.

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

Freebies to Make You Feel Beautiful!

Homemakers can still fight the frump! And here are a bunch of items that can help you feel beautiful–and more energetic in the process.

Redeeming Beauty Mineral Makeup—3 FREE eyeshadows of your choice from Redeeming Beauty. ($16.47 Value. Standard shipping applies – only ships to US and Canada.)

These are gorgeous! And you can use the eye shadows as an eyeliner by mixing with a bit of water, too. It really does work! I chose three neutrals, but you could go for darker ones if you wanted to do the eyeliner option. They just look so luscious! And they’re not much money, either.

These are made by a stay at home mom using natural ingredients. So much better than things you’d buy at a drug store! This was my favourite thing to choose for myself. And within the U.S. shipping is only $3.

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

Fit2B™ Studio—FREE 2-Month Online Fitness Membership at Fit2B™ Studio. (up to a $20.00 Value. No shipping required.)

Here’s the one I’m most excited about. I actually enjoy working out, but I have very little time. And I certainly don’t have time to go to the gym.

With Fit2B Studio, they give you streaming videos of over 100 fitness routines that are perfectly targeted for moms–women who need to work on their core, or pregnant women who want to stay in shape. The routines are short, so you can combine two by choosing what exactly you want to target. They have 5 foundational videos, and you choose one for each day during the first month. Then you can add on others. I love it, because you can get a good workout in 20 minutes, and it really strengthens your core! For those of you who have wanted to find your tummy again after giving birth, Fit2B focuses a lot on women who have lost muscle control in their abdomen, and helps us regain it. It’s a great program, and I can’t recommend it highly enough! I’m so excited to get the two months free myself, too.

They even have workouts you can do with the kids–or workouts designed for preteens, etc. So the whole family can get in on it! Seriously, this is $20, and the cost of the bundle is $29.97. It’s worth it just for this!

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

TriLight Health—Get a FREE 2 oz. bottle of a liquid health formula OR $15 store credit from Trilight Health. ($15.00 Value. Standard shipping rates apply.)

Speaking of pregnancy, if you’re looking to feel better during pregnancy, or if you want to jumpstart your metabolism and lose weight, or if you want to deal with PMS, or if you have just about any concern, TriLight has herbal formulas for every need. Full disclosure: I ordered the PMS one. Enough said.

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

Bulk Herb Store—Instant download of the instructional video Making Herbs Simple Volume 2 for FREE from Bulk Herb Store. (up to a $15.00 Value. No shipping required.)

Want to learn more about using herbs to help you lose weight, get healthier, or revive your skin? This great video is a wonderful introduction to the uses of the different herbs.

See more about the bonus here.

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

Freebies to Help you Get Organized!

Okay, I love organization. I’m really big on it. Doesn’t mean I actually GET organized, but I love the IDEA of it. And for that reason I love planners! If you’re like me, you’ll love both of these things:

Once a Month Meals—A FREE One Month Pro Membership from Once a Month Meals. ($16.00 Value. No shipping required.)

So fun! Choose from regular menus, vegetarian, paleo, whole foods, weight loss, and more. You just pick your menu, and they create a menu plan, a shopping list, and then detailed directions to how to make everything in your one big cooking day a month. Once a Month Cooking is tiring on the cooking day–but then every other day during the month you’re home free! It’s just so practical.

And you can swap out recipes, too, if there’s something you really don’t like. I’m going to have fun with this!

See more about the bonus here.

 

Read the complete list of books in the bundle here.

ListPlanIt—Free 3-month membership OR 3 free ePlanners from ListPlanIt. ($15.00 value. No shipping required.)

I chose the 3 free ePlanners, and bought the Financial Planner, the Personal Planner, and the Planner Planner (yes, that’s not a typo. It’s a Planner Planner, with all the schedules and calendars you’ll ever need!) But there are ton more, perfect for organizing your homeschooling, or your chores, or your vacations, or parties, or anything. And you can type directly into the .pdfs, so you don’t HAVE to print them out (although I did, and I have them in a binder. I also printed out the blog planning kits from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle because they’re awesome, too!

Freebies to Help Your Homemaking

Marie-Madeline Studio—A $15 store credit for anything in Marie-Madeline Studio’s online store. ($15.00 value. Standard shipping applies.)

Are you a sewer or a quilter? Or do you just love quilts, aprons, and more? Here’s your chance to get some really high quality cotton fabric that is absolutely gorgeous!

Dizolve—FREE 64-load pack of Dizolve Laundry Strips for you PLUS a Free 64-load pack of Dizolve Laundry Strips for food banks. ($25.98 value. Standard shipping [$3] applies. Only ships in the US.)

This is really cool: It’s a laundry strip that dissolves totally in water! No more extra packaging. So eco-friendly and cheap. And when you buy a box, they donate another box to a food bank!

I totally wish this shipped in Canada. I’m getting mine shipped to my assistant in Colorado (you’re welcome, Holly!). Which reminds me: If you’re not eligible for these bonuses, or if you just plain don’t want some, you can always gift them to someone else! In fact, that’s one of the benefits of the bundle: you can use the whole thing as a bunch of different gifts. When you checkout, you’re even given an option of adding 2 bundles for the price of 1, so you essentially get 3 for the price of 2, if you get my drift. So it’s a great thing to gift to a sister on Mother’s Day!

So there you go–over $200 worth of freebies in the bundle! I love it.

I know some of you have other bundles, and you haven’t gotten through all those books yet! But these bonuses pay for the bundle already. I’m cheap and I bought myself a bundle–even though I got one free–just to give the bonuses to some friends (and to give away the books to other people).

So don’t miss out on this deal!

And remember, after you purchase the bundle, send me the receipt and you can be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card! More here.

The post I Love Freebies! appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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I Have No Energy for My Marriage!

Sleep is a marriage issue.

I’ve said that before, and I’ll say it again: often the biggest impediment to a good marriage isn’t sex, or finances, or other disagreements. It’s simply feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and oh, so very tired.

Two weeks ago Keith and I spoke at a FamilyLife Weekend Getaway in Banff, and one thing that I stressed in the women’s talk is that we need to prioritize our marriages. But for many women, when you even say that they get tired.

Really? One more thing I have to add to my to-do list? It’s not enough that I have to keep the house in order and care for the kids and likely work (at least part-time?) I have to care for him, too? Isn’t he an adult? Shouldn’t he be able to look after himself?

I understand. I really do. But here’s the thing:

The best gift you can give your kids is to love their dad.

When they know that you are stable, then they feel so much more secure!

So I believe that making time for the marriage, even if it’s just to go to bed at a decent time, together, every night, is crucial. Having energy left at the end of the day for your husband is also absolutely crucial.

And this doesn’t have to be a big project. Often we can make very small changes everyday to help us feel more organized, more invigorated, and more able to devote our attention to our marriage. Even little things, like greeting him when he comes in the door (or when you do!), can change the whole tone of the marriage.

I’ve already written on this at length, and here are just a few posts that can help you:

Adults Need Bedtimes Too!

Finding a Good Morning Routine

Are you a Better Wife or a Better Mom?

Perhaps Balance isn’t All it’s Cracked up to Be

Today, though, I’d like to share some resources from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale that will help you save time and energy, and help you be able to prioritize your marriage without feeling exhausted, like it’s one more thing on your to-do list.

With the Bundle Sale you get 84 ebooks and printables and downloads, plus $200 in bonuses. And these are all NEW books–only 3 or 4 have EVER been in a bundle before. So you can have such fun going through them and finding ways to use them to make real changes in your life.

Today let’s look at how to get more energy. I’m going to start with helping you streamline your day and get more energy, because it’s hard to think about the big picture issues when you’re just exhausted.

Step 1: Streamline the Things You Do Everyday
Tame the Laundry Monster

Laundry takes up so much time–and so much energy! For me, it’s not putting the laundry in the machine that’s the problem. It’s the folding and the putting away.

In Taming the Laundry Monster, Angi Schneider shares about how to figure out a laundry routine that works for you.

She doesn’t just tell you to adopt HER laundry routine. She takes  you through all the steps to figure out what will actually work for you and your family.

And she totally encourages you to get the kids involved, too!

Ask yourself: If I could get my laundry more organized, would it relieve some stress? If so, then this is a marriage book!

Taming the Laundry Monster is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Try Freezer Cooking

One of the biggest stresses is standing in front of the fridge at 5:00 and not knowing what to make.

What would happen instead if you devoted one day every month or so to getting meals ready–and then freezing them? You could defrost a meal at night, stick it in the crockpot in the morning, and you’d be all set to go! It’s easy peasy. And it reduces so much stress. No more knots in your stomach driving home from work as you dread walking in the door and being faced with the fact that everybody needs to eat, and you just want to curl up on the couch and relax!

And if you stay at home with your kids, you can play with them until the afternoon, and then just put the finishing touches on dinner, instead of having to start from scratch.

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle has a variety of books on meal planning, once a month cooking, and more! There’s even a meal planning e-course. I find cooking so much fun and so relaxing, but it’s likely because I have teenagers and not toddlers. If you’re feeling stressed about meals, then getting more organized and planning can help get rid of that dread you have when evening comes, and help you enjoy your family–and your husband–more!

And then there’s an awesome one-month membership to Once a Month Cooking–a website that helps plan your menu, your shopping list, and even your cooking routine so that you cook once, and eat all month. It’s awesome! And it’s a free bonus with the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle.

Ask yourself: If I weren’t as stressed at dinner time, would it make a difference in how I treated my family?

Figure out a Homemaking Schedule

I truly believe that making small changes that make us feel more organized is often all it takes to turn a marriage around. When you’re less stressed, then your husband isn’t one more thing on your to-do list. He’s someone whom you love, whom you want to spend time with, who can actually resolve your stress rather than adding to it.

So get organized!

Blogger Amy Roberts, who homeschools a large family, wrote this great book on figuring out your routine–or your schedule. And she’s quite adamant that they are two different things. Some people love a schedule, where every minute is planned. Other people prefer a routine, when you tend to do this, and then this. Know your organization type, and then work towards it. She gives you the tools to create a schedule (or a routine) that works for you, and lets you feel like you run your day, your day doesn’t run you.

If you do that, you’ll end the day feeling like you accomplished something, not feeling like everything got away from you and you’re one big failure. I love the way she outlined the book (and there’s a section for homeschooling parents, too!)

Step 2: Learn How to Prioritize Your Marriage

Figure out laundry, meals, and homemaking, and you’ll likely feel a whole lot less stressed already. Now it’s time to figure out the big picture of our marriage and our lives, and look at how we can nurture our marriage!

To Love, Honor and Vacuum

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle has something from me–an audio file of one of my most popular talks, about how to figure out your priorities as a wife and a mother.

I’m talking here about how to put first things first. How to get your kids to help more around the house, how to foster a feeling of respect so that you’re not always feeling put upon, and how to stop feeling so exhausted.

If you’ve ever wanted to hear what I sound like “in real life”, here’s your chance!

Plan Your Goals

I always find that if I take time to sit down, pray, and take stock about what I REALLY want to be doing with my life–and listen to hear what God is telling me He wants me to do–that I start to feel much more optimistic and excited about life. I find that there are lots of things I can begin to say “no” to because they don’t fit into my core values or my core goals, so that I can begin to say “yes” to the things that matter–including my marriage.

Leigh Ann Dutton has written a great book to help you plan, dream, and identify your goals. Take a week and work through it, and you’ll find that it’s much easier to prioritize your marriage, too.

And I think that this is such a key thing to do every few years, because you’ll find that your goals and your priorities change. When we don’t think these things through, we tend to operate on auto-pilot. And that’s when we start to feel like we aren’t being purposeful and we aren’t making a difference.

 Step 3: Think about Your Husband

You’ve got your day-to-day life running more smoothly so you’re not as panicked. You’ve thought through your goals and what your priorities are in life. And now you’re likely feeling more peaceful and more purposeful, and so you can start to think through the specifics of how to make your marriage thrive!

Crystal has written a great 31-day devotional called Intentional Marriage: The Art of Loving Your Husband. Here’s what I like about it: It’s supremely, supremely practical. It’s not like each day is learning a big spiritual lesson, like how to forgive. It’s more like each day is teaching you to do something small which, when added up, becomes something big. It actually reminds me a lot of my book 31 Days to Great Sex! For instance, one day is simply “greet your husband at the door.” Seriously, this one little thing can turn around the whole feel of your evening together! Another day is “send your husband a verse”. And then there are some heavier days later in the month, but you get the flavor of what I mean. Little, practical things that build on each other that you can actually do!

So there you go–a look at how you can make major changes in your life, a little bit at a time, using resources from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale. Yesterday I shared about how to get your finances in order, and today I’ve concentrated on marriage. But this bundle has so many awesome resources that you could pretty much choose any goal–helping your kids read better, deciding to make healthier meals, getting your housework under control–and you could create a two-month plan to make major changes in your life that STICK.

Get your Ultimate Homemaking Bundle now! It’s available in .pdf form, or specially formatted for Kindle.

The post I Have No Energy for My Marriage! appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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A Two Month Plan to Get Your Finances in Order

A Two Month Plan to Get Your Finances in Order

It’s the Ultimate Bundle Sale week at To Love, Honor and Vacuum! And today I want to talk about developing a two-month plan to get your financial house in order.

I know not all of you are interested in the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle, and that’s okay. You can still get a lot out of this post, because the principles are universal: take stock, make goals, and then make small changes incrementally that add up.

But if you’re wondering why I keep talking about it, it’s because I honestly do believe it’s a great deal. As an author in it, I got access to all of the books and bonuses about three weeks ago, and I’ve had such FUN going through all of them and making plans of how I’m going to tackle them (seriously, it’s a TON of FUN to have this many new things on your computer!). I really do believe that you will love it.

This Bundle is TOTALLY NEW. If you’ve bought bundles in the past, rest assured that you’re getting an entirely new collection here. I think only 3-4 books have ever been in ANY bundle before.

And this may interest you: the money that I’m making for the sale is going to become seed money for a new business venture I’m starting to employ university students as virtual assistants. I’m setting up the business this summer, and the money will pay for the legal and accounting fees. With my daughter in university, I have a special heart for helping kids graduate without debt, so I’m looking at starting a business that can help them do that!

Oh, and one more thing: don’t forget that when you buy the bundle from me, if you email me your receipt I’ll send you the link to enter yourself in a contest where you can win a bunch of prizes, including more ebook grab bags and a $100 Amazon gift card! More details here.

Without further adieu, here’s my two-month plan to get your finances in order!

My husband and I have never fought about money. We’ve hurt each other about sex, we’ve had disagreements about housework, we haven’t always seen eye to eye on parenting. And yet money has always been a breeze for us.

It’s not because we’ve always had money; we haven’t. We spent the first seven years of marriage living in tiny apartments, even with babies. But I think it comes down to the fact that we have very similar values about money. We both are determined to live within our means; neither of us has expensive tastes; and we both are truly committed to giving money away.

I respect my husband so much in this, because he’s one of the few physicians I know who has never in his life owned a new car–or even a really nice car. He doesn’t have the most expensive clothes or the most expensive shoes. He just lives out his values, and I can’t think of a better man to be married to because of that.

Yet I know that money is one of the biggest sources of tension in so many marriages. Well, I have some awesome tools that can help you sort out money–and start living with a feeling of abundance rather than poverty. In the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle which is for sale just until Monday, you’ll find a TON of books that can help you figure out your finances. Here’s the step-by-step plan that I would use, over two months, to turn your attitude and your wallet around!

Week 1: Get a Big Picture View of Your Budget

Budgets. We may not like them, but there really aren’t shortcuts. You need to know how much money you have, and you need to know how much money you need to meet your current obligations.

Kimberlee Stokes, in her book 5 Days to Budget Breakthrough!, writes this book not as someone who has had it all figured out, but rather as someone who has lived in the trenches–and seen how her poor money decisions have really affected her family. She writes:

For me, the wake up call came when I had to return to full-time employment for the third time (even though I felt very strongly that we should home school our children) and I saw the consequences in my children’s lives. I finally realized that money wasn’t the problem…

(Cue dramatic music.) I was.

I realized that I was making excuses rather than taking responsibility for my choices. I had to break through my denial, acknowledge that we had a limited amount of money and stop spending everything I had. In other words, I had to grow up, and since I am pretty sure that being over 30 qualified me as an adult, it was about time I started acting like one.

She has worksheets you can use, great suggestions on how to track your spending, help for changing your mindset, and really practical tips for actually saving instead of going into debt.

The best part of the book, though, comes in what she says about our attitudes, which I think is the key to making financial change. She writes:

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

“We can’t afford that.”

“There is never enough. We need more money.” “We have to go without.”

“We can’t make it.”

Impoverished thinking makes people discontent, always striving and never arriving. No matter how much money they make, they can never be at peace. A poverty mindset is based in fear and makes you feel out of control and helpless.

So how do you overcome a poverty mindset? What if we change those statements to:

“We choose not to buy that because we have other priorities right now.” “We have exactly what we need.”

“We choose to make do with what we have.”

“We can make this work.”

Empower yourself by recognizing your freedom of choice.

5 Days to a Budget Breakthrough is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 2: Consider Minimalist/Simple Living

Not all of us are minimalists. I have 14 plastic rubbermaid containers full of yarn in my storage room–yikes! I even have a storage room. Minimalists don’t have storage rooms.

But I’ll tell you, Rachel Jonat makes sense. She’s arguing that most of the stuff we spend money on we don’t even need. And the more stuff you have, the harder it is to find the stuff you need, so we end up buying doubles. Or triples. And it never ends!

At least, it doesn’t end until we say, Enough is enough, and really start trying to live with only what we need. It’s totally freeing!

Rachel wrote this book for moms of babies, but I don’t have babies right now, and I STILL loved this book. It made me think so much.

So what I’d suggest, after doing the hard work in Week 1 of actually making budgets, is that you take a week to read through this book. Write down the things that really speak to you, and then start putting small things into practice. Even if you don’t become a full-blown minimalist, it will likely change your outlook enough that doing the rest of the work to get your financial house in order is actually fun!

The Minimalist Mom’s Guide to Baby’s First Year is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 3: Plan Your Meals

We’ve done the big attitude changes. Now let’s do the practical changes that will make it so much easier to save money.

How often do you order pizza because you don’t know what to eat? Run for fast food at lunch because there’s nothing in the house? Or buy a ton of vegetables in a “let’s get healthy!” frenzy, only to see 1/2 of them turn into a slimy green mess in the fridge before you can eat them?

Planning your meals is one little change you can make that will also bring a real financial boost!

The Nourishing Home provides all you need to plan your meals–including worksheets, grocery lists, and even meal plans of their own you can use.

Take week 3 and make out a month’s worth of meal plans that you can then cycle through–and help you save money at the grocery store!

Meal Planning Made Easy is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 4: Save Money on Lunches–and Earn Everyone’s Envy, Too!

Now that you’re meal planning, let’s take it one step further and help you get creative with kids’ lunches–and with lunches to take to work for you and your hubby, too!

This is such a FUN book. You won’t even feel like it’s work! And many of her ideas end up being cheaper than the traditional bread-with-expensive-lunch-meats that we often use. You can eat healthier, use up leftovers (including those veggies that threaten to go bad), and earn rave reviews from other parents!

The funniest part of the book is the story of how author Katie Kimball started writing it. She says,

I have known for a while now that we eat differently than most of the rest of the world. I knew most kids probably don’t use reusable sandwich bags and stainless steel containers at lunch. But I didn’t realize that our lunches were really that different from the norm until my son went to summer camp, where he ate a packed lunch among 350 other kids for five days.

Then I found out that camp counselors were sharing pictures of his lunch on Facebook.

You’ll love it.

The Healthy Lunch Box is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 5: Make Your Own Cleaners

Food is one of the biggest expenses we have at the grocery store, but it’s not the only one. There’s also cleaners.

And what if you could make cleaners with regular household products you already have? Even things you would throw away–like lemon peels?

I started making my own cleaners last year, and it is FUN! First, I feel so frugal (and almost righteous ) making things that are so cheap. But second, they smell so wonderful!

It’s also a great activity to do with children. The cleaners are safe, non-toxic, and easy to make, so kids can participate. And if the cleaner is non-toxic, it’s no problem giving your child a spray bottle and a cloth and having a 3-year-old wash the bottom of the kitchen cabinets.

DIY Natural Household Cleaners is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 6: Let’s Get Couponing!

Now we’ll get into some serious money saving.

Beth Cranford explains, step by step, how she uses coupons to drastically bring down her grocery bill. She tells you how to use the concept of “stock pile” (as opposed to hoarding, which is a definite no no!), how to organize your coupons, how to get double deals on your coupons, and even how to find coupons!

If you’ve thought the idea of couponing sounds too much like WORK, I understand. But she lays it all out here, and it looks like once you’re organized it won’t take that much time.

But think about it this way: how much could you make at a job? $20 an hour? $15 an hour? Even $30 an hour (depending on your education?) If you spend 2 hours a week (and it shouldn’t take that long) organizing coupons, you’ll save more than that. And so it’s like you ARE working.

It’s Me or the Coupons is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

Week 7: Earn Some Money from Home

Sometimes saving money isn’t enough. Sometimes we actually have to generate income!

Rather than highlight just one book from the Working/Blogging at Home section of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale, I want to point you to all the great ones that are here. First, if you’re a blogger, the two different blog planners are absolutely amazing. They’ll tell you what to do to actually market your blog, get you organized, help you track your expenses and your income, and help you plan. And if you do all of these steps, you’ll find that you’re starting to actually make money–through reviews, or giveaways, or affiliate sales, or anything!

I love the way the blog planners are laid out. If you already blog, but you’re not really earning an income, these kits will help you go in the right direction.

But what if you’re just not sure how to blog? Or if you should speak? Or write? Alyssa Avant, whom I’ve known online for years, shares about taking a “FaithLeap” and figuring out how God has called you to share your message.

These are all great books (and I’m already printing out the blog planners!)

Week 8: Have Fun with Your Kids

You’ve spent 7 weeks trying on new money habits. You have a new attitude, new organization practices, and new planning tools.

But remember the difference between a poverty mindset and an abundance mindset that we talked about in Week 1? I want to end this two week financial exercise with that feeling of abundance. There is so much you have–and so much you can do!

This book is chalk full of 76 ideas of what to do when your kids say, “I’m bored.” The things don’t involve having to pay money to do anything. They’re all fun things you can do at home, with items you already have, or out of the house, taking advantage of some of the great things around your community.

76 Free Things to do with Kids is part of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale!

We can live a life where we do tons of things, enjoy each other, and are able to give to others when we start having this attitude of abundance rather than an attitude of poverty.

Take this 8 week challenge, and you’ll find so much of your stress has evaporated. And your relationships will be blessed, too!

In the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Sale there are 77 ebooks, plus printables and an audio download (from me!), that will help you get different parts of your life in order. I’ve shared just some ideas about money today, but I could have written a similar post on how to get real with God, how to plan a better schedule, how to teach your kids to read, and more! This bundle has so much in it.

And the freebies are awesome, too–over $200 worth of great products, including eye shadow, laundry detergent, herbal teas, and more.

Get your Ultimate Homemaking Bundle now! It’s available in .pdf form, or specially formatted for Kindle.

The post A Two Month Plan to Get Your Finances in Order appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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A Treat for All Moms

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is Here!

I know I normally post Wifey Wednesday on Wednesdays, but today’s the first day of a 5-day sale I’m so excited to tell you about! Wifey Wednesday will return next week, and the linkup party will be here next week as usual. You’re going to love this sale, though!

By popular demand, 100+ homemaking bloggers are bringing back The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle, and it’s better than ever!

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is a complete library of great eBooks on homemaking—a truly valuable knowledge base you’ll use for many years to come.

Unlike a library, though, you don’t have to spend years building it up. The Ultimate Bundles team has done the hard work for you, searching the web to find the very best eBooks from top homemaking authors and combining them into one essential collection that you can buy in one simple purchase.

Act now to get the ultimate eBook collection on homemaking at a once-in-a-lifetime price.

I’m confident you won’t find a more comprehensive set of homemaking resources anywhere — and certainly not at this price. Bought separately, they’d cost a total of $698 (not including $200+ in bonuses!). But you can have all of them for just $29.97!

Or, for just an extra $10, you not only get the full set of PDF files, but also a bonus set of Kindle editions, perfectly formatted for easy Kindle reading. This has been a popular request over the years and I’m excited to say it’s now available!

I believe it’s the best deal on homemaking eBooks anywhere on the web. But it will only be available for six days. So grab yours before it’s gone!

This huge wealth of information and guidance will be right there on your laptop, tablet, smartphone, or Kindle, whenever you need it.

Here’s what you need to know about the sale:

When? 8 a.m. EST Wednesday, April 23 until 11:59 p.m. EST Monday, April 28

What? 78 eBooks, 2 eCourses, 2 audio files, and 2 printable packs PLUS over $200 worth of bonus products you’ll really use!

Where? Purchase the bundle here.

How much? Well now, that’s the best part. The entire package is worth nearly $900, and it’s selling for less than $30. Sweet deal, right?

What’s in the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle? ($698 value!)

Homemaking

DIY Natural Household Cleaners: How To Make Your Own Cleaners…Naturally by Matt & Betsy @ DIY Natural ($9.99)
Filling Hearts While Cleaning Homes: Five Minute Devotions for Families by Jenn Thorson & Lindsey Stomberg ($8.00)
Hospitality: The Duty of the Christian Home by Kathy @ Teaching Good Things ($4.97)
How to Build a Strong Christian Home by June @ A Wise Woman Builds Her Home ($4.99)
Life Your Way Printables Download Pack by Mandi @ Life Your Way ($7.00)
Sewing School 101: Simple Tips to Get You Stitching by Nicole @ Gidget Goes Home ($11.99)
Taming the Laundry Monster by Angi @ SchneiderPeeps ($3.99)
The Best of Visionary Womanhood: Volume Two by Natalie @ Visionary Womanhood ($4.99)
The Homemaker’s Guide to Creating the Perfect Schedule by Amy @ Raising Arrows ($4.99)

Food

Bliss Balls for Beginners: 21 Recipes to Get You Started by Luschka @ Keeper of the Kitchen ($3.50)
Dairy Free 101 by Becky @ For This Season ($5.00)
Just Making Ice Cream: Over 70 Delicious Recipes Made with Nourishing Ingredients – 2nd edition by Marillyn @ Just Making Noise ($12.00)
Happy Mom, Healthy Family Meal Planning Workshop + Cookbook by Lisa @ WellGroundedLife ($29.00)
Meal Planning Made Easy by Kelly @ The Nourishing Home ($6.99)
No Cook Freezer Meals by Kelly @ New Leaf Wellness ($5.99)
Simplified Dinners by Mystie @ Simplified Pantry Cooking ($12.99)
The ABC’s of Freezer Cooking by K.M. @ KMLogan.com ($2.99)
The Healthy Lunch Box: Sandwich-Free Secrets to Packing a Real Food Lunch by Katie @ Kitchen Stewardship ($9.95)
The Sweeter Side of Candida: Desserts for the Holidays, Special Occasions, & Everyday Sweet Treats by Paula Miller & Sarah Ives ($14.95)
{Healthy} Make-Ahead Meals & Snacks by Laura @ Heavenly Homemakers ($5.00)
Real Food on a Real Budget: How to Eat Healthy for Less by Stephanie @ Keeper of the Home ($18.97)
Simple Cooking to Save You Money by Kelly @ Generation Cedar ($4.97)
The Frugal Secrets of Real Foodies by Shannon Miles, Sarah Nichols, Kristen Smith, Kate Tietje, and Katherine (Katie Mae) Stanley ($9.97)

Motherhood

Discipleship & Discipline: Practical Parenting Help for the Desperate Mom eCourse by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae ($17.99)
Pieces of Mommy: Putting Yourself Back Together by Sarah @ SarahStrausbaugh.com ($7.99)
Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional, Professional Motherhood by Jamie @ Steady Mom ($9.55)
The Cherished Home: Protecting What’s Important by Mary @ The Encouraging Home ($14.99)
The Pursuit of Motherhood by Caroline Allen, Jennifer Allen, Mary Clendenin, Kelly Crawford, Jasmine Cucuta, Sara Elizabeth Dunn, Jacqueline Fitzgerald, June Fuentes, Heather Knopp, Melinda Martin, Richele McFarlin, Melanie Moore, Amy Roberts, Lindsey Stomberg, Jacinda Vandenberg, and Melanie Young. ($7.99)
Undivided Mom: Finding Christ in the Chaos of Motherhood by Kayse @ KaysePratt.com ($4.99)

Marriage (I’m in here!)

31 Days to Build a Better Spouse by Ashley @ LIFE by Ashley Pichea ($7.99)
Dear Wife: Letters from a Help Meet by Misty @ Beautiful Ashes ($2.99)
Intentional Marriage: The Art of Loving Your Husband (A 31 Day Devotional) by Crystal @ Serving Joyfully ($3.99)
The Ultimate Marriage Vow: 21 Days of a Life-Long Commitment by Darlene @ Time-Warp Wife ($2.99)
To Love, Honor and Vacuum Audio Download by Sheila @ To Love, Honor and Vacuum ($2.99) – This is me!!!!

Faith

A Heart Prepared: A Simple & Effective Scripture Memory System by Jami @ Young Wife’s Guide ($9.95)
How To Manage Your Mouth: A 30 Day Wholesome Talk Challenge by Connie @ Smockity Frocks ($5.97)
Restoring the Lost Petal: A Journey Through the Loss and Restoration of Sexual Purity by Danielle @ More Than Four Walls ($8.99)
Set Apart: Becoming a Woman of Virtue in a Modern World by Anjanette Barr, Whitney Cornelison, Jennifer Fountain, Virginia George, Crystal Hatcher, Sarah Nichols, Rachel Marie, Ashley Roe, Kendra Stamy, Danielle Tate, and Karli Von Herbulis ($3.99)
The Homesteading Wife’s Christian Devotional: Finding Biblical Truths on the Farm by Susie @ Our Simple Farm ($3.99)

Faith {For Kids}

Be Thankful: Cultivating Year-Round Thankfulness by Amanda @ The Pelsers ($7.99)
Character Badges by Caroline @ The Modest Mom Blog ($9.99)
God Gifted Virtues by Sara @ Your Thriving Family ($8.95)
Learning to Speak Life: Fruit of the Spirit Family Devotional by Michael & Carlie @ Learning to Speak Life ($9.99)
The ABC’s for Godly Boys/The ABC’s for Godly Girls by Lindsey @ The Road To 31 ($19.98)
The Warrior Weekend: Helping Dads Raise Boys to Be Godly Men by Patrick & Ruth @ For the Family ($4.99)

Financial Stewardship

5 Days to Budget Breakthrough: Change Your Money – Change Your Life by Kimberlee @ The Peaceful Mom ($5.95)
76 Free Things to Do with Kids: A Real Mom’s Guide by Shannon @ Growing Slower ($5.97)
Advanced Penny Pinching: Stockpile – Strategize – Save by Tabitha @ Meet Penny ($3.99)
Cash Flow Your College: Knowledge in Your Head Without Getting in the Red by Kayla @ Renown and Crowned ($2.99)
Christian Wealth Building by Michael @ MichaelPink.com ($77.00)
It’s Me or the Coupons: How a Busy Mom Can Win the Grocery Budget Battle by Beth @ Eat Better Spend Less ($10.00)

Health & Wellness

Healing With God’s Earthly Gifts: Natural and Herbal Remedies by Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama ($7.95)
My Simple Healthy Life: A Minimalist Approach to Herbal Remedies, Beauty & Natural Cleaning by Tammie @ Simple. Healthy. Tasty. ($5.95)
Simple Natural Health: Wellness Made Easy by Nina @ Shalom Mama ($10.00)

Holidays & Special Events

100 Days of a New Year 2014 eBook by Jennifer @ ListPlanIt.com ($8.00)
Christmas Printables for Kids by Kristy @ Little Natural Cottage ($2.50)
Feast! Real Food, Reflections, and Simple Living for the Christian Year by Daniel & Haley @ Carrots for Michaelmas ($7.99)
More Than a Holiday: A 25-Day Christmas Devotional for the Whole Family by Scott and Sarah @ Simple Life Abundant Life ($7.95)
More Than Candy: A 25-Day Christmas Countdown that Counts by Sarah Mae @ SarahMae.com ($4.99)

Homeschooling

101 Independent Activities for Toddlers and Preschoolers by MaryEllen @ Imperfect Homemaker ($4.99)
1777 New England Primer Cursive/Manuscript Printable Alphabet Sets by Jacinda @ Growing Home ($5.98)
A Simple Homeschool Planner by Tsh @ The Art of Simple ($4.00)
The Charlotte Mason Way Explained by Dollie @ Teachers of Good Things ($7.99)
The Preschool Journey by Angela @ Teaching Mama ($6.99)
Weekly Homeschool Planner by Jolanthe @ Homeschool Creations ($20.00)
You Can Read by Carisa @ 1+1+1=1 ($10.00)
Write Through the Bible: Exodus 20 (KJV, Manuscript) by Trisha @ Intoxicated on Life ($5.00)

Pregnancy & Babies

Baby Ready: Preparing For and Adapting to Life with Baby by Monica @ Happy and Blessed Home ($7.99)
Breastfeeding Twins, Triplets and More! by Jennifer @ Growing Up Triplets ($10.00)
Cloth Diapers: A How-To Handbook on the Basics of Cloth Diapering by Rachel @ Intentionally Simple ($5.99)
The Breastfeeding Lifeline: A Guide to Navigating the Newborn Days by the authors at Breastfeeding Place: Anjanette Barr, Michelle Ferguson, Jennifer Fountain, Trisha Gilkerson, Sarah Harkins, Shary Lopez, Kristen Smith, and Rhiana Wackenhuth. ($5.95)
The Minimalist Mom’s Guide to Baby’s First Year by Rachel @ The Minimalist Mom ($4.99)
Topical Devotions for Pregnancy: 13 Devotions to Nourish Your Soul by Becky @ Purposeful Homemaking ($3.99)

Self-Care

21 Days to a More Disciplined Life by Crystal @ Money Saving Mom ($4.99)
Equipped: Because You’ve Been Made to Live On Purpose by Elisa @ More to Be ($6.99)
Live for Him: A Grace-Filled Look at Planning by Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace ($2.99)
The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Daylight: Managing Your Days Through the Homeschool Years by Heidi @ The Busy Mom ($10.00)
Your Retreat: A Guide to Giving Yourself a Personal Planning Day by Erin @ The Humbled Homemaker

Working from Home– Blogging

I totally love this section! If you’re a blogger and you’ve ever wondered how to monetize your blog, or you want to get more organized about blogging, these books are awesome! Tons of printables to help you organize, too.

Blog Planner 2014 by Sarah @ My Joy-Filled Life ($4.99)
Blog at Home Mom: Balancing Blogging and Motherhood by Christin @ Joyful Mothering ($4.99)
FaithLeaps: The Christian Mom’s Guide to Passion, Purpose, and Profits by Alyssa @ AlyssaAvant.com ($4.99)
Monkey See, Monkey Do: A Tutorial to Using PicMonkey with Professional Results by Richele @ Under the Golden Apple Tree ($8.00)
The Blog Planning Kit: A System to Maximize Your Blogging Efforts by Kat @ How They Blog ($15.00)

What are the Ultimate Homemaking Bonus Offers? ($200+ value)

In addition to all the amazing eResources, this bundle includes the best bonus offers it’s ever had. These deals are worth over six times the price of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle. So you’re up on the deal right away!

DaySpring—A FREE 10-pack of Premium Greeting Cards. ($20.00 Value. Standard shipping applies.)
HopeInk—$15 HopeInk store credit to be used towards anything + a FREE 8×10 Art Print with order. ($39.00 Value. Standard shipping applies.)
Redeeming Beauty Mineral Makeup—3 FREE eyeshadows of your choice from Redeeming Beauty. ($16.47 Value. Standard shipping applies – only ships to US and Canada.)
Marie-Madeline Studio—A $15 store credit for anything in Marie-Madeline Studio’s online store. ($15.00 value. Standard shipping applies.)
Once a Month Meals—A FREE One Month Pro Membership from Once a Month Meals. ($16.00 Value. No shipping required.)
Dizolve—FREE 64-load pack of Dizolve Laundry Strips for you PLUS a Free 64-load pack of Dizolve Laundry Strips for food banks. ($25.98 value. Standard shipping [$3] applies. Only ships in the US.)
TrilLight Health—Get a FREE 2 oz. bottle of a liquid health formula OR $15 store credit from Trilight Health. ($15.00 Value. Standard shipping rates apply.)
ListPlanIt—Free 3-month membership OR 3 free ePlanners from ListPlanIt. ($15.00 value. No shipping required.)
Bulk Herb Store—Instant download of the instructional video Making Herbs Simple Volume 2 for FREE from Bulk Herb Store. (up to a $15.00 Value. No shipping required.)
Fit2B™ Studio—FREE 2-Month Online Fitness Membership at Fit2B™ Studio. (up to a $20.00 Value. No shipping required.)


Remember, this bundle is available for 6 days only, from 8 a.m. (EST) on Wednesday, April 23 to 11:59 p.m. (EST) on Monday, April 28th.

And when you buy it from me, you have the chance to win a bunch of awesome prizes, including a $100 Amazon gift certificate, or another bundle of ebooks. Just email me your receipt and I’ll send you the link to enter the contest!

Send your receipt to me here! Or you can get a more complete list of the prizes here.

Wondering how you access ebooks, read ebooks, or organize ebooks? All the info you need is here! It will tell you how to use these books on your iPad, computer, Kindle, Nook, Kobo, or even your phone.

Disclosure: I have included affiliate links in this post. Read the fine print about this bundle and read the answers to frequently asked questions about the bundle.

The post The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is Here! appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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