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The Joy of Six: Even more stunning Olympic moments | Rob Smyth, Jacob Steinberg and Georgina Turner

From Afghanistan, Ireland and Burundi's first medals, to USA's shame, half a dozen more fine Olympic memories
• Read through our 50 stunning Olympic moments series

1) Afghanistan win their first ever Olympic medal

For most countries, having major sports stars is as routine as your train being late in the morning, but not for Afghanistan. From 1936 to 2004, they competed in 11 Olympic Games without so much as a sniff of a medal, although given that this is a country that has been ravaged by civil war, invading forces and the Taliban's reign of terror, that is hardly a surprise. In that context, with rather bigger problems to concern themselves with, you might assume that Afghans would not have cared too much about their paltry Olympic record. Not so.

Eleven fruitless Olympics having come and gone, Afghanistan did not expect much from Beijing 2008. Little did they know that in China their sporting history would be changed for ever. Little did Rohullah Nikpai know that his life would be changed for ever. Born in Kabul, he took up taekwondo when he was 10, but his family was forced to leave the capital during one of the country's various conflicts, the Nikpais eventually settling in a refugee camp in Iran. There he became a member of the Afghan refugee team, before eventually returning to Kabul in 2004 to train in more prestigious surroundings.

The training paid off and in 2008, at the age of 21, Nikai was picked to represent Afghanistan in the men's 58kg competition in Beijing. In the preliminary round, Nikai edged past Levent Tuncat, beating the German 4-3. Yet it seemed his summer was over when he lost his quarter-final to Mexico's Guillermo Pérez, the eventual champion. However a repechage was used to determine the bronze medal winner, competed between those defeated by the two finalists. Nikpai won his first match against Britain's Michael Harvey to set up a bronze medal match against the two-times world champion Juan Antonio Ramos of Spain, and by now everyone in Afghanistan was paying attention.

Incredibly Nikpai demolished Ramos, thrashing him 4-1 to become the first ever Afghan to win an Olympic medal and even though it was "only"ronze, it might as well have been platinum given the jubilation back home.

The Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, awarded him a house at the government's expense, sponsors swarmed all over him and fans flocked to Kabul's Ghazi stadium to celebrate in a venue where the Taliban had once stoned women to death. After years of pain – both in the sporting and the real sense – one bronze medal represented a symbol of hope for Afghans. "I hope this will send a message of peace to my country after 30 years of war," Nikpai said.

Now he's after gold at London 2012, although his reputation will surely not be hurt if he falls short. After all, Rohullah Nikpai is not one in a million. He's much more than that. He's one in 30 million. JS

2) Argentina take basketball gold in 2004

Maybe that should actually read "USA doesn't take basketball gold", because for those Stateside, that was the really exceptional thing in 2004. The US men had won every Olympic basketball tournament since 1988. In the 2003 Tournament of the Americas, the qualifying event for Athens, they thrashed Argentina in the final. Messed them up real nice. "We're the best in the world," crowed the Indiana Pacers forward-centre Jermaine O'Neal.

Even a heavy dose of pessimism could not have prepared USA fans for a mediocre group stage that included a pounding by Puerto Rico. "After the US lost to Lithuania 94-90 last Saturday, Tim Duncan said: 'This helps our confidence because we played well.' Has it come to this?" wondered Jack McCallum, in Sports Illustrated. "The mighty US spinning a message of optimism after giving up 94 points in a 40-minute game? Only a gold medal will keep men's hoops from being the feel-bad story of the Olympics." There was talk of root-and-branch NBA reform after an 89-81 defeat to Argentina in the semi-finals. (Normal service was resumed when the two nations met again at the same stage in 2008, USA winning 101-81.)

Athens is a blot on the USA's record but it was not by dumb luck that Argentina won a first Olympic basketball gold. They had been picking up titles in the three years preceding the Olympics, including the 2002 Fiba World Championship, at which they defeated the US by a similar margin to that in Athens. They arrived in Greece as reigning South American champions and in their first group match beat the world champions Serbia and Montenegro 83-82 thanks to a storming first quarter and a last-second basket. They had two of the tournament's highest points scorers and its standout player, Manu Ginobili. "This is the most exciting moment ever," said the coach, Rubén Magnano. His successor, Sergio Hernández, led Argentina's "golden generation" to another medal in 2008, when they won the third-place playoff. GT

3) Vénuste Niyongabo makes history for Burundi

Sometimes sport defies all logic. The 2005 Champions League final, say, or Lukas Rosol defeating Rafael Nadal in the second round of Wimbledon this year. That's part of its appeal, and few athletes have demonstrated that more gloriously than Vénuste Niyongabo at the Atlanta Games in 1996.

Niyongabo comes from Burundi, a tiny country in east Africa that was not even a member of the International Olympic Committee until 1993 after attempts by officials to gain entry to the 1988 and 1992 Games in Seoul and Barcelona had respectively fallen on deaf ears. These were immensely difficult times. In the buildup to Atlanta, Burundi suffered greatly, with the New York Times reporting that "tension between rival Hutu and Tutsi ethnic groups has left an estimated 150,000 people dead in the past three years." The report continued: "There have been assassinations, guerrilla raids and constant tension. In late July, 13 of the 16 Burundian provinces were designated 'red zones' which is a United Nations term that means one level above 'very tense'.''

Niyongabo, a Tutsi, made his name in the 1500m, winning silver in the World Junior Championships in 1992, before swiftly making a natural progression to senior events. It was not long before several victories meant he was regarded as one of the top runners in the world, which was a remarkable feat for a competitor from such a troubled country. Indeed Burundi's lowly status presented problems for Niyongabo, not least at the World Indoor Championships in Barcelona in 1995.

Arriving in Spain for the tournament, he presented his Burundi passport and was promptly seized by immigration officials and questioned about his identity for three hours. One phone call, either by the officials or by Niyongabo, might have established that he was one of the finest 1500m runners in the world, but in another fine moment for bureaucracy, that was not permitted. Without a visa, Niyongabo was forced to return to Italy, where he lived and trained, spending a night on a bench in Rome's train station before reaching his home in Siena. All of which meant he missed the race, giving a new meaning to a false start. "I felt like a homeless person," he said.

Happily a few months later, he had no such problems getting into Gothenburg for the World Championships, where he won bronze in a race won by the exceptional Algerian Noureddine Morceli, who was set to be one of Niyongabo's opponents at the Olympics in America.

Only Niyongabo would not be running the 1500m at the Olympics and this time it had nothing to do with interfering immigration officials. Instead in one of the biggest gambles of all time, Niyongabo chose to participate in the 500m, a race he had never previously run in his entire life, which meant that his compatriot Dieudonné Kwizera could take part in the 1500m. Niyongabo's decision was thoroughly selfless, the veteran Kwizera having missed out on the two previous Olympics.

Despite being a novice at this distance, Niyongabo made it to the final. It would be only the third time he had run the 5000m. In the final were the reigning Olympic champion, Germany's Dieter Baumann, the Olympic silver medallist, Kenya's Paul Bitok, and the home hopeful, Bob Kennedy.

At the start of the race, much of the focus from the commentator, David Coleman, was on the Kenyans, Baumann and Kennedy, Niyongabo's presence largely treated as a curious anomaly; indeed with six laps to go, Coleman noted that Niyongabo was "not showing at all" and questioned his apparently foolhardy decision to abandon the 1500m.

Baumann never looked like retaining his gold, but Bitok and his fellow Kenyan, Tom Nyariki, ran strongly, while Kennedy was pushing hard, cheered on by the home fans. Then, with three laps to go, Niyongabo emerged in second place and with two laps to go, he was in the lead. Kennedy momentarily pushed ahead, to considerable excitement in the crowd, but Niyongabo regained his lead and then, unbelievably, stormed off into the distance, his unrivalled sprint ability proving pivotal. Meanwhile in the 1500m, there was an inevitable victory for the peerless Morceli. The gamble had paid off and Burundi had their first and only Olympic gold medallist.

"It was not an easy choice, but the choice turned out to be so good for my country,'' Niyongabo said. Call it beginner's luck. When he tried to defend his title in Sydney four years later, he finished 15th in his semi-final. JS

4) Babe Didriksen on the podium in 1932

In 1932 a Dallas insurance company sent Babe Didriksen, the 21-year-old secretary who had been winning titles with almost embarrassing ease and along the way set three world records in two years, as its sole representative at the 1932 AAU Championships. The event doubled as the US Olympic tryouts and Didriksen (who was nicknamed 'Babe' by her mother as a toddler but revelled in telling people that it was down to her fierce reputation on the baseball field) booked her ticket to Los Angeles by winning six gold medals.

She had to settle for just three Olympic events because medical experts of the day believed that sport damaged women's bodies (this was less a welfare issue and more a crisis for marriage and procreation), and opted for three of the four events in which she had recently set world records: javelin – open to women for the first time at the 1932 Games – high jump, and the 80m hurdles.

In the javelin Didriksen won gold with her first effort, which landed 19cm beyond Germany's Ellen Braumüller's throw to set a new Olympic record of 43.69m, but her medals in the remaining two events were far less straightforward. Having equalled the 80m hurdles world record in the heats, Didriksen was clocked alongside her US team-mate Evelyne Hall at a new record of 11.7sec in the final. The Los Angeles Games were the first to use photo finishes, but finish-line judges still had priority, and after about half an hour's deliberation, Didriksen was given the gold.

A later review of the photo evidence showed that there was nothing to separate the two athletes. Hall, who kept a copy of the photo for the rest of her life, felt that it showed her leg ahead of Didriksen's at the end of one of the Olympics' most controversial races ever. Babe was closer to the official than Hall and other athletes were adamant that his perspective, and the fact that she wheeled away loudly celebrating while Hall's friends in the stands silently signalled "first" to her, influenced the decision. There were even under-the-breath accusations of Didriksen celebrating so brashly because she knew Hall had breasted the tape.

If so, karma struck in the last of Didriksen's events, the high jump. In the 1930s the scissors leap still dominated the event, but Didriksen opted for a kind of pre-Fosbury Flop. Tied at a world-record-breaking 1.65m with another team-mate, Jean Shiley, she was demoted to silver in the gold medal playoff for illegitimate technique – "diving" – despite the fact that she had been going over head first throughout the competition.

Finishing the Games with two golds and a silver (at a time when the women's athletics events numbered just six), Didriksen was one of the year's celebrities, being named the Associated Press Female Athlete of the Year. She relinquished her amateur status to cash in on advertising offers but soon found that as a woman, earning a living from sport was a bit trickier than that. She toured the United States playing exhibition events (including donkey-back baseball and playing the harmonica while running on a treadmill) before settling on an altogether more dignified way of life: she took up golf and was instrumental in establishing the LPGA. GT

5) Pat O'Callaghan wins Ireland's first gold in 1928

As London prepared to host the Games in 1948, the Guardian mused upon the ecstasy in contemplating the Olympic athlete at his work. Who could fail to be transported by the sight of "Pat O'Callaghan swinging the 16lb hammer aloft, turning once, twice, three times, and even four, a whirling mass of co-ordinated mind and muscle, and finally launching the great ball so that it soars away on high and plunges down again to earth some 200 feet away, and farther than any man has thrown before?"

O'Callaghan came from a sporty family – his brothers Sean and Con were also competitive athletes – but Pat was the irritatingly brilliant youngest sibling, who had qualified as a doctor while he was still too young to actually practice. He took up a number of sports but favoured hammer throwing, even making his own hammers out of bicycle parts to train relentlessly with. In 19 Olympics, the Republic of Ireland have won eight gold medals; O'Callaghan got the first two, in 1928 and in 1932.

He arrived in Amsterdam in 1928 as the national champion but could get nowhere near his best in qualifying, going through in third with 47.49m, a distance that would have been good enough only for sixth in the final, which was held later the same day. In the lead with his qualifying throw of 51.29m was the Swede Ossian Skiold, so O'Callaghan put his psychology modules to work: he picked up Skiold's hammer and threw 51.39m to take the gold medal.

O'Callaghan became an instant hero in Ireland and his reputation was boosted even further when he went to Los Angeles four years later – having been asked to pay the wages of his replacement at the Department of Health while he was away, later being repaid from an expenses account – and threw more than 150cm further than the man in second, Finland's Ville Porhola. Again he struggled early on as his spikes caught on the cinder surface in the circle, but having taken a hacksaw to the soles of his shoes before the final round, he threw a winning 53.92m.

Adolf Hitler was reportedly so impressed by O'Callaghan that he dispatched a camera crew to Ireland to film him and other Irish hammer throwers training in order to analyse their physique and technique. In 1934, O'Callaghan went to Hamburg to be filmed again, and to have his legs and shoulders x-rayed – Hitler was leaving nothing to chance in his bid to fashion German champions. Thanks to an argument over jurisdiction, no Irish team competed in Berlin in 1936, and O'Callaghan watched from the stands as Germany's Karl Hein won gold and set a new Olympic record. GT

6) Lennox Lewis wins gold against Riddick Bowe in 1988

The past was a foreign country for Lennox Lewis, who represented Canada when he won gold in 1988 by beating Riddick Bowe in the super-heavyweight division. The significance of the bout grew over time, peaking four years later when the two failed to agree a fight for the world heavyweight title.

The Olympic fight itself was relatively straightforward. Lewis hit Bowe with a couple of big rights in the second, at which point it was stopped, perhaps prematurely, by the East German referee. "He hit me with three good shots, I've gotta admit, but I was OK, clearly," Bowe said straight after the fight. "I was even talking to him. I've seen guys practically killed in the ring."

For Lewis, it was a rite of passage. "The gold medal is something that I have always wanted, having come close to winning it before," he said years later. "The instant when you win it is a defining moment. It is like: 'Yo, now I have the gold ticket for becoming a professional boxer'. You leave your days as an amateur behind and start preparing yourself to be a man in the world of professional boxing."

It took Lewis a while to be taken seriously in Britain; it seems incredible with hindsight, but before a 1991 fight with Gary Mason, some were backing against Lewis. The realisation that he was the real thing came with a devastating two-round defeat of the dangerous Donovan "Razor" Ruddock in 1992. That was an eliminator to fight for the title against the winner of Bowe v Evander Holyfield a few weeks later.

Bowe became the first man to beat Holyfield, but the fight with Lewis never happened. The WBC had threatened to strip Bowe of his belt if he did not fight Lewis; Bowe famously dumped his belt in the bin. There was plenty of trash talk to go with the trash can; a spokeswoman for the company that held rights to both Bowe and Lewis said they were "getting along these days about as well as Prince Charles and Lady Di".

Most felt Bowe deliberately swerved the fight, and he became known as "Chicken Bowe". (Sadly for those who wanted to see the fight, such name-calling did not impact upon him as it did Marty McFly.) Bowe himself says Lewis didn't fancy it. "He ducked me any way he could. I mean he knew, with me being champion, I'm not gonna give him 50-50 [when splitting the purse], you know what I mean? So he used that as an escape. He knew he couldn't whoop me so he just avoided me the best way he could."

It has become one of the great fantasy bouts. Bowe was a brilliant talent – the legendary trainer Eddie Futch said: "A lot of big men can jab and some are big punchers but there are not many who are great fighters at close range. Riddick had all three" – and plenty feel he might have had too much for Lewis at that stage in their careers. While Lewis went on to achieve greatness, Bowe, like so many in the fight game, soon became a sportsman with a great future behind him. His life started to unravel, and his estimated fortune of $15m in the mid-1990s dwindled to nothing. A couple of years ago he was selling his autograph at a flea market in New Jersey. RS

The Joy of Six is going on holiday for the Olympics and will return on 10 August. Until then you get your fill by flicking through the 235 JOSes in our archive

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London 2012 Olympics: men's football, Great Britain 1-1 Senegal – as it happened

A fine late equaliser from Moussa Konate denied Great Britain after an early goal from Craig Bellamy

Rob Smyth

London 2012 Olympics: men's football, Great Britain v Senegal – live!

Minute-by-minute report: Join Rob Smyth now as GB get their men's Olympic football tournament under way at Old Trafford

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The Fiver | Repressed self-loathing and bullying disguised as banter | Rob Smyth

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THE ENGLISHMAN, THE WELSHMAN AND THE GRAUNIAD GLASSHOUSE

It's often said that English people couldn't organise a pi$$-up in a brewery. That's exceptionally harsh on a county that does functioning alcoholism as well as it does repressed self-loathing and bullying disguised as banter. But it does seem England has a problem running an Olympic football tournament, with their main purpose apparently to put the 'ball' in 'balls up'. After the North Korea flag fiasco at neighbours north of the border last night, it seems the programme for tonight's match between Great Britain and Senegal has listed Joe Allen, Swansea's Welsh midfield player, as an Englishman! Disgraceful, right? Bring back hangin'.

Admittedly the Fiver also thought he was English (if he's Welsh, why hasn't such a good player been picked already? What do you mean he has eight caps going back to 2009?) but let's keep that between us two, because it's not often we get to throw stones from our Grauniad glasshouse. The last time was in 1960, coincidentally when Britain last played football at the Olympics. You would think, in an age of frequently insufferable SOCCERHYPE, that this would be a big thing, yet the Fiver hasn't seen the usual signs that denote the presence of an English or British team at a major tournament. There's been no xenophobia, no indiscrimate punching of people who look vaguely foreign and no calls for anyone to be sent home.

That may change as the tournament progresses, because there is a chance Great Britain will break the traditional glass ceiling of the quarter-finals. They should be one of the two teams to qualify from their group, which includes Senegal, a strong Uruguay and United Arab Emirates, and the draw means they can't meet Brazil or Spain – who got a beating from Japan – until the last four. "There is enough quality here," said GB captain and England right-back Ryan Giggs, 17. "There is everything in this squad; youth, experience, enthusiasm, speed, technical ability and a good manager. There is no reason why we can't do well. It is a strong tournament but if we work hard and turn up on the day, I am sure we will be amongst the medals." If they are, there certainly won't be any trouble organising a pi$$-up.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"When I was young, I was a fan of a football team. Sometimes I support Hong Kong, sometimes England, but from now on, because of my friends, I will support Manchester City" – Jackie Chan – yep – proves that City's plan to increase their fanbase in east Asia is on track.

TO ASK OR NOT TO ASK

17 November 2010: "I hope to convince the directors of Juventus to buy me from Liverpool" – Alberto Aquilani.

25 July 2012: "I had the opportunity to go back to Roma last year, and would even have been prepared to take a pay cut to represent my old club's colours again" – Alberto Aquilani.

26 July 2012: "I never asked to leave but I was always pushed by the club. I would like to play for Liverpool" – Alberto Aquilani.

FIVER LETTERS

"Barrie Francis is not alone (yesterday's Fiver letters). North Korea has just announced its leader, Kim Jong-un, has married, so presumably he had signed up to Soulmates too" – Geoffrey Vine.

"Re: Nick Horn enquiring about the Fiver hiring Joey Barton (yesterday's letters). Two half-wits don't make a wit" – Adrian McCrickard.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.

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BITS AND BOBS

Man City captain Vincent Kompany has signed a six-year deal at the club. "Man City is not just a project of the owners or the people employed by the club – it is also my project," he kerchinged.

Scotland goalkeeper Allan McGregor is poised for a move to Turkey after being told to cough by Besiktas doctors.

And BOA bigwig Lord Moynihan has criticised Sepp Blatter for suggesting Gareth Bale should be be banned. "I welcome the fact that he has returned from [knack] earlier than expected. I don't agree with Sepp Blatter," he trilled.

STILL WANT MORE?

A young Zlatan and a singalong with Sandro – it's this week's Classic YouTube.

Olympic fever is yet to take grip in Glasgow, writes Ewan Murray …

… but Paul Wilson caught the bug in Coventry.

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England v South Africa: Test Notebook

• Ed Miliband gives cake to Test Match Special team
• Desperate England try almost anything for a wicket

DOING THE ROUNDS

The Labour leader Ed Miliband appeared on Test Match Special during the lunch interval. He revealed his hero was another man of the people, Geoffrey Boycott, and that his first cricket memory, at the age of seven, was Boycott's hundredth hundred in 1977. Miliband brought a vanilla sponge cake for the team. He later tweeted a picture of the cake and said he was "still in the afterglow of meeting Sir Geoffrey on Test Match Special".

GUEST PRESENTER OF THE DAY

David "Bumble" Lloyd donned a black T-shirt and faded jeans and took over from Sarah-Jane Mee on Sky's Cricket AM for the first time on Saturday morning. Guests included the Inspiral Carpets, the Madchester band, and Trigger from Only Fools and Horses. "Other carpets are available" said Bumble as he showed off some old Inspiral Carpets cassettes during his commentary stint.

MOST HOPEFUL REVIEW

England were so desperate to end the partnership between Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla that they went for an appalling review in the 74th over when South Africa were 214 for one. England hoped Smith was lbw to Tim Bresnan, but the ball pitched well outside leg stump, may well have gone over the stumps and also found the inside edge.

NOT YOUR DAY

South Africa were 359 for two when Andrew Strauss fielded the ball, turned and threw it back to the middle. Problem was, the turn jolted his sunglasses into the air and the throw propelled the ball into them, smashing them into pieces on the outfield. Laughter all round as the captain had to dash off to find a new pair.

ROB SMYTH'S STATWATCH

Smith and Amla added 259, a record for South Africa's second wicket against England … The pair batted for 507 balls, the longest partnership against England in this country since the turn of the century … South Africa have never lost a Test or a series in which Smith has made a century; this was his 25th … No player has made as many Test hundreds without scoring one during a defeat.

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England v South Africa day two – as it happened | John Ashdown and Rob Smyth

South Africa closed on 99 for one, a deficit of 299, after an outstanding fightback on day two at The Oval

Morning all. Alastair Cook resumes of 114 at The Oval this morning in the middle of an innings in which at times yesterday could make you believe that the last 135 years of Test match history were something of a sham. For a century and a bit of batsmen have been making the art of scoring runs look so difficult … 

… yesterday Cook tapped and tickled the ball around with the sort of perfect ease that (unfortunately) reminded me of this chap:

In South Africa's defence this pitch could not have been much friendlier to the batsmen if it had hopped up and offered to give Jonathan Trott a backrub. A couple of quick wickets under the cloudy south London skies this morning and they'll be right back in the game. That's easier said that done, though, with Cook in the sort of form that means when his wicket finally falls, as it surely will at some point, there'll be a disbelieving hush around The Oval before the applause begins.

10.52am: Weather watch dept. After a quick soaking as I ran to the shop to buy cat food at 7.30 this morning I can confirm there is plenty of rain about in the London area, and the forecast isn't great. This afternoon is likely to be very disrupted, but we should get some play before lunch as the gloaming gloomy skies over The Oval are thus far hanging on to their watery payload.

Here come the umpires, followed in short order by the players.

91st over: England 269-3 (Cook 114, Bell 11) Unlike yesterday, it's Dale Steyn to bowl the first over of the day. Bell and Cook are neatly watchful to some quick, straight stuff.

"I once had the privilege of seeing A Cook bat as a schoolboy," writes Tim Lester. "I was escorting a team of slightly hapless schoolboys from Sydney around England on tour. They/we pitched up at Cook's school where a former colleague of mine said that they had a 'quite good' batter as their captain. First ball of the day Cook creamed (there is no other word) the ball at mid-on who just about parried it, preventing the first of the many boundaries to follow. 'Thanks,' I said to my former colleague. 'This bloke is going to be fun for my 15 year old bowlers to toil against.' He scored a faultless 100. It was exactly like yesterday's effort. Certain, serene, measured, flourishless, modestly carried out, tinged with the inevitable. The bloke is our era's Hammond. I suspect he will be regarded as quite a lot better than Gooch. I hope he gets a double today. Here's to him *sound of Australian Chardonnay being glugged*."

92nd over: England 271-3 (Cook 115, Bell 12) Vernon Philander, the first Test match Vernon in over a century, rumbles in from the other end. Third up he thwocks Cook on the top of the pad sparking an appeal that was, like the ball, slightly OTT. Some decent movement in the air, though.

WICKET! Cook 115 b Steyn (England: 271-4) A collector's item here – Cook edges! It was a little grope outside off stump, played with soft enough hands (and thanks to the lack of pace in the pitch) that dropped a good couple of yards short of Graeme Smith at first slip. But two balls later, he's gone! Steyn shaped this one back in, found the inside edge and the stumps. As predicted, there was that brief moment of disbelieving shock before the applause began.

93rd over: England 271-4 (Bell 12, Bopara 0) That was a cracking piece of bowling by Steyn, a wicket earned with three or four balls worth of accurate, smart stuff.

94th over: England 272-4 (Bell 12, Bopara 0) So then, an intriguing little innings for Ravi Bopara, for whom three is the magic number. It's over three years since the last of his three Test-match tons, and this is perhaps his third chance to cement a place in the side. Philander keeps it tight, just a leg bye from the over.

WICKET! Bopara 0 c De Villers b Steyn (England 272-5) Yuk. This is ugly. Steyn had already stung a static Bopara on the knee roll, but opted against a review, but the next is banged in short, Bopara begins a hook, then opts out but leaves his bat dangling a shoulder height – a feathery top edge goes through to Steyn. Not one for Ravi's Big Book of Fond Cricket Memories.

95th over: England 272-5 (Bell 12, Prior 0) So, with Steyn having found his missing mojo, England are 3 for 2 so far today.

96th over: England 272-5 (Bell 12, Prior 0) "On behalf of England fans everywhere, I'd like to throttle thank Tim Lester (91st over) for applying the finest kiss of death to a batsman I've ever seen. Chapeau," writes Neil Withers. "And there goes Bopara – it was so good it did for two of them!" The glacial iceberg certainty of day one has been replaced by the slushy meltwater of doubt this morning. Steyn has done the damage, but Philander has played his part. Again he keeps Bell honest with an over of Boa-like tightness.

97th over: England 273-5 (Bell 12, Prior 1) Steyn's dander is very much up – nostrils flared, the shard of steel in the eye, the classic there's-so-much-fury-in-here-I-can-barely-keep-it-in jaw. Prior gets hammered on the pad, and another appeal falls on deaf ears – it's clipping but Smith and co sensibly opt not to refer.

98th over: England 273-5 (Bell 12, Prior 1) "Is it me, or is it just blindingly obvious that Bopara is not and never will be a Test-class player?" roars John Cox. "I don't know anyone who thinks he is or ever will be, with the exception of the England selectors." It's pretty clear there's a nugget of brilliance in there – bringing it out is the issue. And, to be fair, South Africa are a changed team here, herring turned hammerheads. Philander whisks two past Prior's outside edge then a third low off the edge and into the turf towards first slip.

99th over: England 279-5 (Bell 13, Prior 6) Steyn strays wide and Prior gratefully smashes the thing square for four. Two balls later it shout be all over for Ian Bell – Prior cuts low and charges off for a single but Alviro Peterson makes a fine diving stop in the gully. Both batsmen are stuck in the middle of the track, with Bell plodding on knowing his goose is probably cooked, but the shy at the stumps is wild and wide.

100th over: England 284-5 (Bell 13, Prior 10) Prior, looking about as comfortable as a plump chicken stuck in a lift with Fantastic Mr Fox, drives wildly at one is is fortunate to see it squirt low through the slips for four more. Philander offers relief with a no ball and then a wide one but this time Prior misses out.

WICKET! Bell b Kallis 13 (England: 284-6) We're in proper collapse territory now. Kallis comes into the attack and finds some meaty movement off the seam, movement enough to do for Bell. A couple move away, the next goes straight on and the fourth jags back in an clips the top of the off bail with Bell playing no stroke.

101st over: England 284-6 (Prior 10, Bresnan 0) That was quite beautiful from Kallis - a little symphony of an over. England are 17 for three this morning, from 11 overs.

102nd over: England 286-6 (Prior 11, Bresnan 1) And with England reeling, in comes Morne Morkel to skim one past Prior's edge and then end the over by getting England's wicketkeeper hopping and fending at a bouncer, clipping the top edge but landing safe a couple of yards from the crease. "Should England essay a Brearleyeeque declaration and get Jimmy on?" ponders Gary Naylor. "In these conditions, he might bowl them out twice by tea."

103rd over: England 286-6 (Prior 11, Bresnan 1) Kallis threatens to do unto Bresnan as he did unto Bell – the batsman leaves, but this time the ball is a whisker away from the stumps. Another inswinger ambles through the gate as Bresnan aims an airshot drive through the covers.

104th over: England 290-6 (Prior 11, Bresnan 2) This is what South Africa were supposed to bring to the table in this series – unrelenting pressure. Pretty much every other team in world cricket (bar England?) have a bowler or two to keep out, then a couple of which to plunder. South Africa, with Steyn, Philander, Morkel and Kallis in these conditions, don't offer that respite. And, predictably, after typing that Morkel bowls the worst over of the day so far – too short and too wide, with a couple of no balls thrown in for good measure.

"Early afternoon Ashdown, early afternoon everybody," begins optismism's Josh Robinson. "It's all very well for Naylor to contemplate a Brearleyesque declaration, but even Brearley never quite had a lower order of quite this quality at his disposal. The runs scored by Swann and Broad were invaluable in the 2009 Ashes, and now they're both batting a place lower. Even from this position I wouldn't bet against England to get close to or even above 400."

105th over: England 291-6 (Prior 11, Bresnan 2) Kallis, a fusion of bowling machine and oak wardrobe, keeps it neat and tidy again. The threat level just fading a touch …

"I was actually rather dreading England easing to 500 for this innings," writes Tom Bonsell confusingly. "Lord knows it wouldn't be a) Cricket b) English and c) Summer if we didn't have a batting collapse and miserable weather to moan about. I, for one, can't wait for the inevitable conversations down the pub this weekend, all of which will no doubt start with: 'Urrrrggghhh....we could've made a real statement of intent there...'"

106th over: England 297-6 (Prior 17, Bresnan 3) Morkel has been looking to rough Prior up with his short stuff, but it's been hit-and-miss. Prior goes on the offensive with a mighty pull – the sort of pull that wears leather boots and drives a truck – that breaks the shackles somewhat.

107th over: England 297-6 (Prior 17, Bresnan 3) Kallis seems to be physically tiring just a touch now, but the brain is still running at full pelt. Again he almost flummoxes the batsman with an inswinger that Prior leaves then watches fizz worryingly close to the off stump. Kallis's spell: 4-4-0-1

108th over: England 297-6 (Prior 17, Bresnan 4) Dropped! Rudolph is left red -nosed -faced after Morkel finds Prior's edge. It zips to gully, perhaps a foot off the deck, where Rudolph spills it. One of those that fall into the centre of the Venn diagram of Tough and Should have been held.

109th over: England 302-6 (Prior 17, Bresnan 8) Bresnan drops to his front knee to play the shot of the morning – a thrilling cover drive with potatoes and all the trimmings – to bring up England's 300.

110th over: England 312-6 (Prior 26, Bresnan 8) Prior opens the face of the bat to guide Morkel away for four wide of the slips. Then it's back to something more familiar – the ball somehow scooting past Prior's bat as it wibbles nervously outside off. Then it's four more – Prior rocking back and belting him through the covers. It's a good contest now.

WICKET! Bresnan 8 b Tahir (England: 313-7) Another one bites the dust, and again it's a oddly sloppy dismissal. Imran Tahir comes on for his first spell of the day. Yesterday he found some turn – but nothing like enough accuracy – and the ball that does for Bresnan has neither really. It's wide, too short … and bottom-edged onto his stumps by the batsman.

111st over: England 313-7 (Prior 27, Broad 0) "Will 380 all out be enough to build a lead, or do we need more than 400 for security?" wonders Derek Harris in an email that is either a) optimistic to a point that would interest the men in white coats or b) was sent at 10.59 this morning and has only just arrived in my inbox.

112th over: England 314-7 (Prior 28, Broad 0) Philander returns for a quick blast before lunch, and he finds Prior's edge once more. Again though soft hands and slow pitch conspire to see the ball drop short of the slips. Broad gets smacked resoundingly on the pad by an inswinger, is given not out, and we've got a review on our hands. It's a may-as-well review, seeing as the Saffers have a couple spare, so it's no surprise to see the ball clipping the outside of leg and the on-field call remaining intact.

113rd over: England 317-7 (Prior 30, Broad 1) Tahir is so quick in his approach for a spinner – he charges in like he's just heard some good news that he can't wait to tell the non-striker. England nudge and nurdle three singles.

114th over: England 324-7 (Prior 31, Broad 7) Philander has never failed to take a wicket in the first innings of a Test – in fact, only once has he taken fewer than three. He's yet to get one here. His second ball strays right into Broad's slot and gets powerfully crashed away through the covers as a result.

115th over: England 326-7 (Prior 32, Broad 8) Tahir drags one down, but Prior can only pull for a single. That leaves Broad facing the spinner he's struggled to pick thus far. He's beats him again and whaps him on the pad. Again the appeal is turned down, again there's a review more optimistic than a snake in a shoe shop, and again it's the umpire's call. Broad was well outside the line. Another ball grips and turns and pops up off the bat, dropping safe. And this pair have survived through to lunch.

LUNCH

Afternoon all. Either a mud-caked Winnie-the-Pooh has grabbed a balloon and taken to the skies above south London in search of honey, or there's a few rainclouds about. But the latest forecasts suggest that The Oval somehow survives unscathed in a what appears to be a game of meteorological Battleships played with showers. Fingers crossed we escape because this match beautifully poised at the moment.

1.41pm: BAH! The covers are on. Umbrellas are up. We have drizzle - perhaps a bit of that fine rain that soaks you through – so the afternoon session has been delayed.

1.47pm: Good news! Here come the players.

116th over: England 331-7 (Prior 36, Broad 8) Prior, you feel, holds the key here. A punchy 70-odd from him would see England into a very strong position. Philander continues after the extended break and keeps it tidy until overpitching with the final ball of the over – Prior straight-pushes effortlessly for four.

117th over: England 339-7 (Prior 42, Broad 9) Fittingly, with what appears to be a cataclysmic brute of a rainstorm closing in over the pavilion, Steyn returns to the attack. Prior smites him for runs either side of the wicket – a couple chipped into the leg side, four guided at fielder-baiting pace through point. Broad doesn't find things quite so easy – he's twice a gnat's wing away from gloving through to De Villiers as Steyn tunes up for some sweet chin music.

118th over: England 344-7 (Prior 47, Broad 9) Philander strays wide and Prior – who has emerged from an early edgy staccato jazz phase into a period of stadium-filling anthems – cuts imperiously, thunderously for four. He's one shot from a very, very useful half century.

119th over: England 353-7 (Prior 49, Broad 16) Broad is struggling to cope with Steyn's vicious nipple-high short balls, but the bowler just can't find the edge. His mood isn't helped by a bit of run confusion that leads to a couple of overthrows, nor by a sumptuous drive from Broad that races to the boundary.

WICKET! Broad b Philander 16 (England: 358-8) Philander grabs his first wicket with a jaffa, swinging in, romping through the gate, and clipping the top of the bails.

120th over: England 358-8 (Prior 54, Swann 0) Prior pushes for four to bring up his fifty. It's been an innings split into two – survival followed by something approaching domination of the attack, certainly since lunch. If you were feeling harsh, you might suggest it's been just the sort of innings that you'd hope for from your No6. The loss of Broad, though, breaks the spell.

121st over: England 365-8 (Prior 56, Swann 1) Those ominous clouds seem to have shuffled mercifully onwards. Steyn welcomes Swann to the wicket by smashing him on the helmet with a bouncer which results in a) a skull-rattling blow for the batsman and b) four leg byes. From the final ball he thwocks into Swann's pads, but the strangled appeal fails to impress the umpire.

122nd over: England 366-8 (Prior 57, Swann 1) The camera finds the policemen from the massively underrated sitcom Early Doors in The Oval crowd. This makes Bumble very happy.

123rd over: England 376-8 (Prior 58, Swann 10) Swann pivots and, one-footed, smites Steyn away to cow corner for four. Two balls later he's on the front foot, stroking a glorious drive through wide mid-off for four more.

124th over: England 379-8 (Prior 60, Swann 11) The latest forecasts suggest it should be raining by 4pm, but we've got sunshine at The Oval now. And England are in the ascendancy. A coincidence? Do I know what rhetorical means? Morne Morkel returns, but the pattern continues.

125th over: England 383-8 (Prior 60, Swann 15) Tahir returns … and Swann paddle-sweeps for four. "Me thinks this is the difference between these two bowling attacks," fate-tempts Martin Crosoer. "England's can bat, South Africa's can't."

WICKET! Prior 60 c De Villiers v Morkel (England: 383-9) A very fine counterattacking innings from Matt Prior comes to an end. He'll be annoyed with the dismissal – it was an airy push at a slightly wide one from Morkel – but he's done an excellent job for his team.

WICKET! Anderson 2 c De Villiers b Morkel (England: 385 all out) Anderson gets off the mark with a flick off his ankles, but next up he's gone – a tickle off the gloves through to De Villiers to give Morkel his fourth wicket.

England: 385 all out. "Regarding Derek Harris's 111th over e-mail," writes Nick Williamson, "does he have any long odds tips for The Open?"

England emerge from their huddle to take the field. Smith and Peterson stride out to open the innings.

1st over: South Africa 1-0 (Smith 1, Peterson 0) Three slips and a gully as Anderson roars in to start things off. It's a good time to bowl – clouds coming in again and the atmosphere enlivened by some lunchtime refreshment.

2nd over: South Africa 1-0 (Smith 1, Peterson 0) The in-form Stuart Broad takes the new ball at the other end and from his fifth ball produces the first false shot from Smith with one that straightens up. "Alviro Petersen spells his surname the same way I do (no relation)," writes Kat Peterson Pietersen Pyetrzen Petersen. "That is all."

WICKET! Peterson Pietersen Pyetrzen Petersen 0 lbw b Anderson (South Africa: 1-1) Anderson strikes early with a gorgeous piece of swing bowling. A couple go away, then comes the inswinger, homing in on Petersen's pads like a heatseeker. It thwocks satisfyingly into the back pad, the finger goes up instantly and Smith quite rightly refuses to recommend wasting a review.

3rd over: South Africa 1-1 (Smith 1, Amla 0) A wicket maiden from Anderson.

4th over: South Africa 4-1 (Smith 3, Amla 1) Broad beats Smith again with another cracker that shapes away and misses the edge by a whisker. He drifts on to the pads with a couple, though, giving the South African captain a couple of simple singles.

5th over: South Africa 5-1 (Smith 3, Amla 1) So Anderson gets an early look at the first barrier in arguably the best three, four, five in the world. Amla averages 46 in England, but has only twice scored over 50 in his eight innings on these shores. "With Petersen falling for 0 and Bopara registering a duck too I see that Alastair Cook is still the highest-scoring Essex batsman today," notes Paul Frame.

6th over: South Africa 11-1 (Smith 9, Amla 1) Broad again strays leggishly and Smith crunches him away for four in front of square.

7th over: South Africa 16-1 (Smith 13, Amla 2) The umpires have a quick chat about the drizzle, but they're going to battle on. Smith, who has the sort of batting stance that suggests he's permanently cowering under an invisible deluge, shows what he thinks by playing and missing, then squinting angrily at the skies. Anderson scurries back to his mark in order to take advantage of the Saffer skipper's discomfort, but can only offer him a four ball on the pads.

8th over: South Africa 16-1 (Smith 13, Amla 2) It's spitting! IT'S SPITTING! But we should make it to tea I would think. Broad smacks Amla on the pad and appeals with plenty of oomph, but it's going well over. Next up he's beating the bat and thwacking the pad again. An over crammed full of threat and bursting at the seams with ominousness.

9th over: South Africa 16-1 (Smith 13, Amla 2) Anderson (4-2-6-1) prods and probes at Smith like a surgeon investigating a particularly irksome ingrowing toenail. From the last he's properly done by one that goes away but somehow doesn't take the edge.

10th over: South Africa 16-1 (Smith 13, Amla 2) Broad to Amla: dot, dot, dot, dot, dot … dot. Amla's now faced 22 balls for his two runs. Just time to squeeze one more over in before tea.

11th over: South Africa 25-1 (Smith 14, Amla 10) Smith whips away another single off his pads – I might be mistaken but at least 13 of his 14 have come in the same area just backward of square leg. Tea, and perhaps the odd slice of flapjack or fruitloaf, is calling for bowler and batsman, but Amla has his mind on the game enough to drive Anderson neatly through the covers for four. And again – a carbon copy brings four more. And that's tea. Rob Smyth will be here after the break to take you through a big final session. Tell him how glad you are to see him:

4.25pm It could, I suppose, be worse.

4.36pm "Jimmy Anderson and Ryan Giggs – started off as young players capable of frustration and moments of natural genius in equal measure. Giggs couldn't cross (city November '93 excepted) and gave the ball away, whereas Anderson leaked runs (that unbelievable spell of 10 overs for 12 runs in the one-dayers in Australia is the exception)," says Jonathan Lewis. "Early career injuries, doubts and loss of confidence, followed by re-emergence as mature players with a complete understanding of their own game and masters of their sport. Giggs is less explosive, but more effective and since 2006 has had his most consistent game-changing period of his career. Anderson doesn't bowl flat out but is in complete control of his bowling and is the world's best swing bowler. Both are quiet guys who lead by example and are totally dedicated to their profession. Lastly, I don't think either Giggs or Anderson are appreciated enough and it will only be in retirement that people realise just how good they were. What do you reckon?"

It's a nice comparison but I'm not sure I completely agree. Giggs's best years were between maybe 1997 and 2002, in my invariably humble one. I think his contribution in recent years has been overplayed a touch, with sentiment polluting many judgements. Do you think Anderson is underappreciated? I don't get that sense personally, but I'm not on Twitter so I don't really know these things.

4.43pm "He was Warne's bunny, but when facing other bowlers Darryl Cullinan was one of the most graceful, elegance batsmen I've seen," says Richard Mansell. "Some of his drives and cuts were examples of beauty in sport. Here he is putting England to the sword."

A delightful talent. His second-innings knock in Devon Malcolm's game was an innings of rare class and authority. He was the only one who wasn't hurried. Apparently (I think this was in Allan Donald's autobiography) he sat there in a vile mood while Malcolm cleaned up the top order, then when his turn game he banged his bat, shouting "Just effing watch me!" to the dressing room and marched to the crease to make a gorgeous 94. An overall average of 44 is very good for somebody who played in the 1990s.

4.46pm It has stopped raining, but the clean-up job will take a while, maybe up to an hour according to David Gower on Sky. Anything to talk about?

4.55pm "Here is something that won't cheer any cricket fan up I'm afraid," says Rob Lee-Davey. "Watch it and weep."

4.57pm Set your alarm for 9am tomorrow. Cricket AM has a mighty line-up: David Lloyd is co-presenting, and the guests include the Inspiral Carpets and Trigger from Only Fools and Horses.

5pm This should cheer everyone up.

5pm Play can go on until 7.30pm, which is great news on a Friday evening. It looks like a lot brighter in, er, Kings Cross, and we probably will get a fair bit of play, around an hour and a half.

5.11pm If you have no plans for the next eight minutes 58 seconds, please watch this magnificent video. It is porn of a sort, Curtlyporn, but it's safe for work.

5.25pm The umpires are going to inspect in 15 minutes' time. The sun is out and the forecast is decent, so we should get 20-25 overs.

5.34pm The title of this clip says it all really.

5.36pm Here's Tony Greig hailing the same wicket eight times in as many seconds. In fairness, it was a hat-trick ball.

5.42pm "Any chance of a mention for yesterday's Chucks as we wait for play?" says Sam Collins. "It's got analysis from Ken Clarke and some fortune-telling."

5.44pm I'd forgotten all about Jimmy's haircut phase. Look at this.

5.47pm Play will restart at 5.55pm, and we'll have a maximum of 27 overs before the revised close at 7.30pm.

13th over: South Africa 30-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 16, Amla 13) Graeme Swann is going to start this vital mini session. He has won Tests on this ground in 2009 and 2011 and is probably the likeliest match-winner for England. Amla tries to drive his second ball, which turns enough to take the inside edge before deflecting onto the pad not far wide of the stumps.

14th over: South Africa 32-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 17, Amla 14) It's Stuart Broad at the other end rather than Jimmy Anderson. A quiet over, with no movement in the air or off the pitch, yields a couple.

"Thanks so much (and the brilliant Robelinda) for the Curtlyporn," says Paddy Blewer. "There was a time in the 90's where if you were or aspired to be a fast bowler, you wanted to be Curtley, even if you were a Brit/Irish skinny kid from South London. In what was probably the last great era for fast bowling around the world, Curtly stood out for me as the first name on my 'team to play the Martians' list." As has been said before, it really was a golden age of fast bowling: Waqar and Wasim, Ambrose and Walsh, McGrath and Gillespie, Donald and Pollock, Gough and Caddick, Srinath and Prasad, Vaas and, er, Vaas.

15th over: South Africa 32-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 17, Amla 14) Swann has a short leg and slip for Smith. These two had an excellent battle back in 2009-10, in the second innings of the third Test I think. Smith defends watchfully in that over, a maiden. "Can anyone advise on the realities of the ban on alcohol being brought in to the ground?" says Geoffrey Smith. "If I conceal my hip flask somewhere about my wife's person tomorrow, surely they aren't going to find it with one of those airport scanner doo-hickeys, are they?" This sounds like the prologue to an episode of Carry On Cricket.

16th over: South Africa 33-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 17, Amla 15) Another quiet over from Broad, who isn't making the batsmen play as much as he would like. These little sessions are always awkward for a batting side, although South Africa will be keen to accentuate the positive. If they close today on, say, 80 for one, and the sun shines tomorrow, they could put England under significant pressure.

"I'm following from a rather large meeting of a UN body in Geneva," writes Stuart Hamilton. "Lord knows it's good to have the OBO to keep an eye on during Friday night textual negotiations. Mmm, Friday night textual negotiations. Not much to report but I can tell you that the Indian delegate has apparently been seen streaming Indian cricket during downtime in discussions. Considering the nature of the institution I am currently in, this is rather interesting. No sign of the South African delegate this evening...."

17th over: South Africa 34-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 17, Amla 16) A jaffa from Swann spits past Smith's defensive grope to hit the back pad and prompt a huge LBW shout. It looked a touch high, and when Steve Davis said not out England decided not to review. Hawkeye shows it was indeed going over the top, although the extent to which that ball turned will encourage England.

"May I share my birthday present with you and the other follower?" says Ian Copestake. "My mum sent me a birthday card with a picture of Les Dawson in drag on it, and the following philosophical comment: 'I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.'"

18th over: South Africa 34-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 17, Amla 16) England are building pressure through dot balls. Another maiden from Broad to Amla, and we've had just seven runs in six overs since the resumption.

"Watching the Ambrose video, and I was wondering if anyone can match him for the style of his appealing," says Joseph Streeter. "That way of clapping his hands and pointing directly at the umpire looks fantastic. The bowling wasn't bad either." Too right. That would definitely be in the Joy of Six: Cool Appeals. Dominic Cork's groinbuster would not.

19th over: South Africa 39-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 19, Amla 19) That's a much better over for South Africa, with Smith and Amla milking Swann for five. "They always said that the sightscreen at St. John's had to be enlarged as Curtly's hand was so high up he was releasing the ball to a backdrop of the Antiguan hills," says Adam Roberts. "What a bowler! Too often overlooked in discussions of great West Indian quicks, somewhat overshadowed by C Walsh's records achieved mainly through remarkable fitness and longevity but not anything like the standard of Ambrose." He did make Cricinfo's all-time West Indies XI, mind.

20th over: South Africa 45-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 25, Amla 19) Broad switches around the wicket to Smith, who crunches him through midwicket for four.

21st over: South Africa 48-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 27, Amla 20) "The trouble with a hip flask is it's a bit of a give away if found," says Phil Sawyer. "Geoffrey Smith should empty a two litre bottle of spring water and fill it full of vodka instead. The stewards should be clueless until you slump over the person sat in front of you and start frothing at the mouth." And even that could feasibly just be a reaction to the sun.

22nd over: South Africa 53-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 28, Amla 24) Tim Bresnan is coming on for Stuart Broad (10-4-20-0). This is his first Test against South Africa. His first spell is flipped through the leg side for three by Amla to bring up a calm and very accomplished fifty partnership.

"Here's a quick cricket trivia question for you: Which GB 2012 Olympic squad boasts a member who has a first class century to their name?" says Phil Russell. "Extra points if you can name them." No idea. Is it a trick question?

23rd over: South Africa 56-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 28, Amla 27) A double bowling change, with Anderson on for Swann (5-1-12-0). The ball hasn't really moved since the resumption, and if the overhead conditions are like this tomorrow South Africa will be confident of getting a first-innings lead. Amla rolls the wrists to ping a straight one from Anderson through midwicket for three. England don't look like taking a wicket at the moment, maybe ever.

"Joy of Six: Cool Appeals," begins Jonny Sultoon. "Where would Mark Ealham's squat-on-the-wicket rank?" Leave that Kent team alone. Anyway, it wasn't completely unlike Curtly's appeal. It wouldn't surprise me if Curtly's appeal was an homage to his hero.

24th over: South Africa 60-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 28, Amla 31) That's a beautiful shot from Amla, who eases a length delivery from Bresnan wide of midwicket for four. Bresnan has bowled two overs without taking a wicket, which is usually enough for somebody to suggest he should be replaced by Steven Finn. Although England don't look like taking a wicket, they will be content that they have the scoreboard under control: South Africa's run-rate is 2.5 per over.

25th over: South Africa 61-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 28, Amla 31) "There may be others, but this chap Mr Daniel Fox is definitely one," says Phil Russell. "Lovely bloke though sickeningly talented. Once scored 37 off the last over of the innings in a tour match v Axminster. (No-ball for 6, five other sixes. Turned down the single to deep square leg off the one he didn't middle.) Funnily enough they never invited us back..."

26th over: South Africa 62-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 28, Amla 32) England are bowling pretty straight to Amla, and seem to fancy him as an LBW candidate. As with Jonathan Trott, however, that also gives Amla the chance to work straight balls to leg for runs. He gets another in that Bresnan over. It's a fairly quiet passage of play, with Smith and Amla giving England not a solitary sniff.

27th over: South Africa 68-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 30, Amla 36) Amla is beaten for the first time since tea, fiddling at a wider delivery from Anderson that also keeps low. Later in the over he steers an edge wide of second slip for four.

28th over: South Africa 68-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 30, Amla 36) Smith has left the ball excellently today, and does so a couple more times during a maiden from Bresnan. It's a little early to opine that we are all doomed, but England really could use a wicket before the close. In the commentary box, Shane Warne reckons it's time to go back to Graeme Swann. "Peter's Such's faux-appeals have to be in the Joy of Six's worst appeals section," says Sean Clayton. "His absurd hand-flap-by-the-ears reaction made every delivery look like an appeal and/or a half-hearted elephant impression..."

29th over: South Africa 72-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 30, Amla 40) England are down to just one slip for Anderson now. Amla, who is playing beautifully, flips another wristy boundary through square leg.

30th over: South Africa 76-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 34, Amla 40) Smith takes on the short ball from Bresnan, dragging a pull through square leg for four. He looks ominously determined, even by his standards.

31st over: South Africa 76-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 34, Amla 40) Here's Graeme Swann, back on for Anderson (10-3-27-1). He starts around the wicket to the right-handed Amla, a line he has used successfully to Michael Clarke among others in the past. Amla defends expertly and it's a maiden.

32nd over: South Africa 79-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 40) Trott, charging round the boundary from long leg, saves a boundary superbly when Smith works Bresnan off the pads. "Might we have a 'CEO's pitch' here?" says Paddy Blewer. "Sounds like the English collapse was partially due to more positive atmospheric conditions and real effort by SA. Was in the Vauxhall End yesterday and looked very easy paced. Not good if we want a result." It's flat, but then it should be on days one or two. It looks like it will turn and there should be a bit of uneven bounce as well.

33rd over: South Africa 79-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 40) Oof. Smith offers no stroke to a delivery from Swann that doesn't turn and would have hit a fourth stump. A maiden.

34th over: South Africa 85-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 46) This is a good move from Andrew Strauss. He is going to give Ravi Bopara a couple of overs before the close. Bopara's Test average is 212, but he has had a good 12 months with the ball in ODIs and T20s. And Amla has been dropped! He flashed at a short delivery that flew off the top edge and through the left hand of the stretching Strauss at first slip. It was a pretty sharp chance and Strauss was beaten for pace as much as anything.

35th over: South Africa 85-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 46) More solid defence from Smith, who has put away his attacking strokes for the day. Another maiden from Swann. There might just be time for him to bowl another over before the 7.30om close. "At what point during a Graeme Smith innings in England is it acceptable to start experiencing The Fear?" says Phil Sawyer. When he gets into double figures, pretty much.

36th over: South Africa 86-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 47) An uneventful over from Bopara. We'll have time for one for the road from Swann.

37th over: South Africa 86-1 (in reply to England's 385; Smith 37, Amla 47) That's the end of the day's play. It's England 1-1 South Africa. England completely dominated the first day; South Africa have completely dominated the second. What an outstanding performance with both bat and ball. Tomorrow could well be the most important day of the match and even the series. See you then.

South Africa in England 2012England cricket teamSouth Africa cricket teamOver by over reportsCricketJohn AshdownRob Smyth
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The Fiver | Stop football (during the summer) | Rob Smyth

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A SLIDING SCALE OF PUNISHMENTS PEAKING WITH A STOKE SEASON TICKET

The Fiver has been looking forward to the summer for ages. Hot weather, Weird Uncle Fiver's hotpants, cool pints of Bonhomie Catalyst at our local, the Where Did It All Go Wrong. Cricket, golf, tennis – and the Olympics! All that, and a nice break from football to allow us to recharge our batteries and maybe rediscover a smidgin of affection for the childhood sweetheart who has turned into an avaricious self-obsessed hag.

That was the plan, anyway, but now there's a rumour football is trying to take over the Olympics! The GB team are taking part in the Games for the first time since 1960, and the usual nonsense has begun. GB play their first warm-up friendly against Brazil in Middlesbrough tonight, and may well wake up tomorrow with a new fissure or seven. Brazil's squad is extremely strong; it includes Kajagoogoo lead singer Neymar as well as Thiago Silva, Marcelo, Hulk, Pato, Oscar and Lucas. By contrast, Great Britain look like a glorified Soccer Aid squad.

Pride, passion and patriotism's Stuart Pearce isn't happy about that. He thinks he should have been able to drive as many players towards the knackers' yard as possible by picking those who played at Euro 2012, such as Danny Welbeck and Theo Walcott. "I'll continually send the same message out that we have to take our best players to every tournament," said Pearce. "Not just for the sake of the manager or the coach but for the players themselves; they have to experience tournament football."

ZZZZZZZZZ. It's time to revise the Fiver's original STOP FOOTBALL campaign and implore everyone to STOP FOOTBALL (DURING THE SUMMER). Under our plan, 1 June to 31 July would be a completely football-free zone. Anyone who picks up a ball or discusses anything football related – even David Beckham's hair or whether Iwan Roberts truly was a pioneer of unfettered Peruvian jazz in a previous life – would be chucked in the clink for 24 hours, with a sliding scale of punishments peaking with a Stoke season ticket. Extreme, yes, but when the alternative is yet another 800-word piece wondering whether Marvin Sordell can have an impact from the bench, we know which side we're on.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The FA is heading in the right direction" - Gareth Southgate steps down from his role as the FA's head of elite development by showing he does have a wicked sense of humour after all.

FIVER LETTERS

"Should I? Should I sink this low while also starting this conversation based on the fact someone told me this once and the second Google result I got agreed? Will 1,056 others be doing so anyway? In case they're not, Roger Andrew (yesterday's Fiver letters) I think you'll find (if you Google then skim down a bit) that 'latter' should refer to the second of two options, rather than simply the last of many" – Michael Hunt (and no others).

"Southampton Central Station will have a brand new ticket office and a new retail unit in September so expect further tears of joy from new Saints signing Nathanial Clyne (yesterday's Quote of the Day) when the season gets underway" – George Ridley.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.

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BITS AND BOBS

Manchester United have made a bid for Robin van Persie. The Fiver doesn't know how much they offered but we're guessing it wasn't £20m because Arsenal told them to do one.

John W Henry says Big Cup qualification isn't a priority for Brendan Rodgers' Liverpool, who will face either FK Renova of Macedonia or FC Gomel in the Euro Vase third qualifying round. "We don't want to put any pressure on Brendan by saying you have got to make [Big Cup] this year," said Henry, before doing exactly that: "Of course he wants to make [Big Cup], we all do."

Southampton have signed Argentinean keeper Paulo Gazzaniga from Gillingham. "It's mad because I only played a few matches last season – it's a crazy situation," the stopper underwhelmed.

Lancashire foghorn and Wigan chairman, Dave Whelan, has told Chelsea to stump up £10m for Victor Moses. "I don't like standing in the way of a young player," he parped, before doing exactly that: "But really we don't want him to go".

Roque Santa Cruz is hoping to work his curious voodoo on Mark Hughes again in order to sign for QPR. "Everybody knows that I have big respect for him and will always be very thankful to him for the time we worked together," he nudge-nudged.

The Queen's Celtic will play either HJK Helsinki or KR Reykjavik in the third qualifying round of Big Cup, while Motherwell face Greek side Panathinaikos.

STILL WANT MORE?

Wow your Chelsea supporting friends (if you have any) by reading David Hytner's easy guide to Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Junior and regurgitating it as your own knowledge.

Riots, Denmark thumping Athens 9-0 and the reason why Adolf Hitler never watched another game of football all star in guardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

England v South Africa day two – live! | John Ashdown and Rob Smyth

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91st over: England 269-3 (Cook 114, Bell 11) Unlike yesterday, it's Dale Steyn to bowl the first over of the day. Bell and Cook are neatly watchful to some quick, straight stuff.

"I once had the privilege of seeing A Cook bat as a schoolboy," writes Tim Lester. "I was escorting a team of slightly hapless schoolboys from Sydney around England on tour. They/we pitched up at Cook's school where a former colleague of mine said that they had a 'quite good' batter as their captain. First ball of the day Cook creamed (there is no other word) the ball at mid-on who just about parried it, preventing the first of the many boundaries to follow. 'Thanks,' I said to my former colleague. 'This bloke is going to be fun for my 15 year old bowlers to toil against.' He scored a faultless 100. It was exactly like yesterday's effort. Certain, serene, measured, flourishless, modestly carried out, tinged with the inevitable. The bloke is our era's Hammond. I suspect he will be regarded as quite a lot better than Gooch. I hope he gets a double today. Here's to him *sound of Australian Chardonnay being glugged*."

Here come the umpires, followed in short order by the players.

10.52am: Weather watch dept. After a quick soaking as I ran to the shop to buy cat food at 7.30 this morning I can confirm there is plenty of rain about in the London area, and the forecast isn't great. This afternoon is likely to be very disrupted, but we should get some play before lunch as the gloaming gloomy skies over The Oval are thus far hanging on to their watery payload.

In South Africa's defence this pitch could not have been much friendlier to the batsmen if it had hopped up and offered to give Jonathan Trott a backrub. A couple of quick wickets under the cloudy south London skies this morning and they'll be right back in the game. That's easier said that done, though, with Cook in the sort of form that means when his wicket finally falls, as it surely will at some point, there'll be a disbelieving hush around The Oval before the applause begins.

… yesterday Cook tapped and tickled the ball around with the sort of perfect ease that (unfortunately) reminded me of this chap:

Morning all. Alastair Cook resumes of 114 at The Oval this morning in the middle of an innings in which at times yesterday could make you believe that the last 135 years of Test match history were something of a sham. For a century and a bit of batsmen have been making the art of scoring runs look so difficult … 

South Africa in England 2012England cricket teamSouth Africa cricket teamOver by over reportsCricketJohn AshdownRob Smyth
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The Open 2012: round two – as it happened

Hole-by-hole report: Brandt Snedeker, Adam Scott and Tiger Woods made the moves on the second day of the 2012 Open

Ian McCourtRob BagchiRob Smyth

Small Talk | Simon Whitlock: It takes nine hours to get my hair rebraided

The Aussie oche star on weird darts dreams, looking after his beard and being loved in England

Morning Simon. How you doing?

Yeah good thanks Small Talk.

How's your form?

Pretty good at the moment. I've been playing well all year really. The Premier League [where he reached the final and hit a nine-darter in the semis] was fantastic.

It must be time for you to win a major? Maybe the World Matchplay this week?

Yeah, that's what I keep saying …

How does a kid from Australia get into darts? Is there an arrows culture over there?

Yeah there's a lot to do, they have youth events, things like that.

Do you remember the first time?

Yeah. I still remember that very clearly. I was 15. My dad used to play in a bowling club. They sectioned it off so kids could go in there, away from the alcohol, and it all started like that.

Did you see much of the golden age of darts over there?

We did actually. We had a show called the Wide World of Sports and they used to show it on there, the World Championships and World Masters.

Who were your darts heroes?

Jocky Wilson and John Lowe. And also Russell Stewart, from Australia.

How many hours a day do you practice?

When I do practice it's usually about two hours. I tend to just practice doubles and bullseyes.

Not treble 20s?

No hardly at all. Maybe 5% of my practice.

What's the highlight of your career?

I would say being runner-up in the PDC World Championship in 2010 [he was unseeded going into the tournament].

What about the nine-darter in this year's Premier League?

Yeah that was just unbelievable. That was like a dream come true. I've always wanted to do a nine-darter in front of a big crowd and on live TV.

At what point do you start thinking about a nine-darter?

Usually after the first 180 (laughs).

You've got a unique, aggressive throwing action. How did you develop it?

When I was a kid I had a bit of coaching from an Australian player called Alan Grant, he was one of the world's top players, and he helped me a bit with my action. I sort of moulded myself from Tony David, another favourite player.

Is 170 your favourite checkout?

Yeah. I used to work on it a lot in Australia. In our local comps we used to get paid good money for a 170 finish, so I always set them up like that.

How much?

One of the tournaments we got $170 for every one we hit, which was quite good money back then.

Do you have a favourite double?

Not really. I try not to favour any.

You're an Australian sportsman playing in England, and everyone loves you. How have you pulled that off?

I think being different, and standing out maybe. I think that helps a bit.

What's the biggest misconception that English people have about Aussies?

Maybe they all think we're like beach bums, whereas I don't even go to the beach (laughs).

Who are your best mates on the circuit?

I've got a few. Arron Monk and James Wade. I spend a lot of time with Arron. We play golf together and practice together.

What's your handicap?

(Laughs) A lot. We actually played yesterday, 27 holes, so I'm a bit stiff today.

How much maintenance do you have to do on your hair and beard?

Each time I get my hair rebraided that takes roughly nine hours. I get it done every couple of months. The beard, yeah I have to straighten that. I use a hair straightener before I leave the house.

Were you good at maths at school or did you get better when you learned checkouts?

I was actually good at maths, and then with the darts my maths improved out of sight. I think it's a great thing for the schools. You pick it up very quickly. Once you start learning all the finishes and your triples, it makes a big difference.

Where would you put Phil Taylor on the list of the greatest ever sportsmen?

He'd have to be up there. I can't think of anybody better than him. What he's done in his sport is amazing: 15 world titles, numerous television titles, over 70 now I think. The man is an absolute genius on the dartboard.

Tetris and chess players often see pieces when they close their eyes. Do you see dartboards when you close yours?

Nah, not really. Sometimes I have dreams where I can't throw the darts properly. They're awful those dreams, you can't let go of the dart.

What are your other hobbies?

I've got tropical fish, I'm well into my fish. I do a bit of gardening; I grow vegetables, those sort of things.

What would you put in Room 101?

Ah I'd definitely put smoking in. I hate it.

How much is a pint of milk?

About 50p isn't it? I tend to buy two pints which is about a pound.

Cheese or chocolate?

Chocolate.

Do you own any lucky pants?

No.

Who's the most famous person in your mobile phone?

It'd be another darts player I suppose, probably James Wade.

What was the last song or album you bought?

I think it was Nickelback.

What's your favourite TV show?

I'm a big EastEnders fan.

Do you have a favourite film?

(Laughs) I do but I can never remember which one!

Thanks for your time, Simon. Good luck in Blackpool

Thanks Small Talk.

• Simon Whitlock will be playing in the Betfair World Matchplay from 21-29 July at the Winter Gardens in Blackpool, live on Sky Sports HD

DartsRob Smyth
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