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The Spin | Review of the international summer | Rob Smyth

England's struggle to cope with the enmity within, South African supremacy and rain, lots of rain all feature in our awards

British sport's summer of love did not really extend to English cricket. There were high points – England were top of the rankings in all three formats at various points – but the cricket summer of 2012 will be defined by England's struggle to cope with the enmity within, South African supremacy and rain, lots of rain. The ECB selfishly failed to consider the Spin's deadline when planning the T20 series against South Africa. So, with one match to go, here's our review of the international summer.

Player of the summer

For the last two months Hashim Amla has been stuck in a patch of the deepest purple. His 311 not out at the Oval was the first Test triple-hundred by a South Africa. In the Test series he averaged 120.50; in the one-dayers 111.66; and in the T20s he doesn't have an average because he hasn't been dismissed. Overall he has scored 864 runs at 123.42 – not quite a run for every follicle in his beard, but still a staggering performance. Only four overseas batsmen have ever scored more international runs in an English summer: Viv Richards in 1976, Don Bradman in 1930, Graeme Smith in 2003 and Brian Lara in 1995. Right here, right now, there is no better batsman in the world.

Innings of the summer

Only in cricket could 153 > 501, or 149 > 311. Amla's 311 not out was an epic, and it feels vaguely absurd to overlook it; but whereas that was a continuum of pristine excellence, Kevin Pietersen's 149 at Headingley was a counter-attack of staggering brilliance and audacity. The Ashes-winner of 2005 will always be his defining innings, but this was his best. It was one of the great Test hundreds of modern times. The Spin hasn't been so high on sport for years; we could not sit still all evening. In a strange way, the fact the country was lost in the Olympics made it even better. It will always be our little secret.

Shot of the summer

Pietersen dumping Dale Steyn back over his head for a huge six at Headingley was the most spectacular, yet the shot he played two balls earlier was even better: a dreamy, almost tender flick-pull through wide mid-on. It was a unique stroke from a genius who could not have been more obviously in the zone if he had a forcefield around his body.

Surreal score of the summer

Engand 4-0 Australia.

Joyous suprise of the summer

Tino Best's magnificent 95 in the third Test at Edgbaston, the most fun you can have with your whites on.

Match of the summer

A summer of non-contests leaves us with only one real contender – but then the Lord's Test would have been the match of most summers. A perfect pitch, world supremacy at stake, more twists than a Chris Nolan film, Jonny Bairstow's 95, a hint of a last-day miracle, huge respect between both sides, and at the end the better team just about won. It was a classic.

Unsung spell of the summer

Figures of 30-7-99-2 don't seem much to tweet about, especially when you're the best bowler in the world. But Steyn's performance in the first innings of the first Test set the tone for the entire series. England started day two on 267 for three, and there was a sense that South Africa's attack were underdone after a poor performance on the first day. Steyn prides himself of taking wickets when they matter; he changed the mood of the match and the entire summer with a scorching spell of 5-2-8-2, including the wickets of the centurion Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara. His second-innings five-for sealed the match, but it would not have been possible without his work on the second morning.

Saddest dismissal of the summer

Andrew Strauss padding up to Vernon Philander on the penultimate evening at Lord's. The moment it all become too much.

Celebration of the summer

Ravi Bopara's chappish handshake looked like something out of a 1940s silent movie and was a distinct improvement of high-fives, fistbumps and bum-pats.

Harsh reality of the summer

South Africa have the better bowling attack, and the better team.

The Swann/Anderson trophy for bromance of the summer

Nasser Hussain and Marlon Samuels.

Nonsense of the summer

The Pietersen ostracism was truly sad in both senses of the word. Whatever happened to masculinity?

Quote of the summer

"Someone would have got clouted and we'd have moved on" – Mike Atherton explains how the Pietersen row would have been resolved in the Lancashire dressing-room 20 years ago.

Villain of the summer

Twitter.

Recurring phrase of the summer (1)

Rain stopped play.

Recurring phrase of the summer (2)

Hashim Amla has been dropped.

Brave/foolhardy decision of the summer

Dinesh Ramdin deciding to take on Viv Richards by waving the note 'YEH VIV TALK NAH' after making a century at Edgbaston.

Photo opportunity of the summer

The picture of Kevin Pietersen (6ft 4in) and James Taylor (5ft 4in) batting together at Headingley. No Photoshopping was necessary.

Meeting of the summer

Geoffrey Boycott being introduced to $exagenarian rocker Alice Cooper – and shaking hands with Cooper's wife. The Spin would pay a lot of money to have seen the look of Boycott's face at the precise moment he realised the man was called Alice.

• This is an extract from the Spin, the Guardian's free weekly cricket email. To sign up, click here .

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Football transfer rumours: David Silva to sign new deal with Man City

Today's patter will do time

There's not much room for rumours in Tuesday's rags, with most papers dealing in the cold, hard facts of Andy Murray and Monday's patriotic orgy. In fact we've no idea what to lead today's rumours with. Maybe the news that David Silva will possibly maybe probably resist the come-to-bed look on José Mourinho's coupon and instead sign a new five-year contract with Manchester City.

Real Madrid, for their part, will offer Cristiano Ronaldo a bottomless pot of gold on the off-chance it may miraculously cure his unhappiness.

Who needs a stiff upper lip when you can flap your gums? Not Hugo Lloris, that's for sure: he wants air-clearing chit-chat with André Villas-Boas after Spurs preferred octogenarian bionic man Brad Friedel for their last league game.

Sir Alex Ferguson has lost patience with corpulent travesty Anderson and will flog him at the first opportunity. He may sell him too. Honk.

Liverpool will cure their striker problem by signing one or all of Robbie Fowler, Emile Heskey, Sean Dundee, Erik Meijer, Paul Stewart and David Fairclough,

Chelsea's Oriol Romeu is wanted by Valencia; Internazionale are rubbing their collective thighs and grunting with pleasure at the thought of signing Giuseppe Rossi; Juventus still want Fernando Llorente; and the Manchester clubs still want walking, talking perm Marouane Fellaini.

Er, that's it. You can go now.

Rob Smyth
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England v South Africa – first T20 as it happened | Rob Smyth

England were hammered by seven wickets after a hopeless batting performance in Durham

Preamble Welcome to the future. Here you won't find mouthwatering slabs of meat with not a single gram of saturated fat or mullet seeds that grow the full Bruce Reid in just a couple of days. Here you'll find a three-match Twenty20 series. But this is the future. It's the first time England have hosted a T20 series of more than two matches; since international T20 began, only 10 out of 168 series have had three matches. In an age of burnout, these are additional games we should approve: every series needs a minimum of three matches, even in the shortest form, and the quid pro quo will come in the steady reduction of 50-over contests.

That's for the future. The present is all about the World Twenty20, which begins in ten days' time. England feel a little vulnerable in this form of the game. Without so many staples of the Test side, this almost feels like a B-team – and not just because they have Broad, Bopara, Bairstow, Briggs, Buttler and Bresnan in their 15-man squad. Yet they are second in the ICC rankings and – stop me if you think you're read this one before – will go above the leaders South Africa if they win today.

(In a bizarre/hilarious (delete as appropriate) development, Australia are now tenth in that table, below Bangladesh, Ireland, Ilford 2nds and the Kent Under-14 Tomboys Called Claire or Melissa XI. Although they aren't completely useless: look at this catch!)

South Africa have won the toss and will bowl first. England are unchanged from the side that beat the West Indies in their last T20 match in June. South Africa have omitted Hashim Amla.

England Kieswetter (wk), Hales, Bopara, Morgan, Bairstow, Buttler, Patel, Broad (c), Swann, Finn, Dernbach.

South Africa Levi, Kallis, du Plessis, de Villiers (c/wk), Duminy, Ontong, A Morkel, Botha, Peterson, Steyn, Tsotsobe.

Something to talk about If you could invent one thing, what would it be? I reckon I'd go for a third sex, just to liven things up. I was born trisexual, what can I say.

Earlier today, on the same ground, England Women hammered West Indies by eight wickets with an absurd 62 balls to spare. Woman they are a good side these days. Holly Colvin had the stunning figures of 4-1-5-2. We're hoping to OBO some of the women's games during the T20.

1st over: England 9-0 (Kieswetter 1, Hales 8) The left-arm spinner Robin Peterson opens the bowling. It's a bit low key, with a crowd that feels quiet rather than hushed. The pitch looked a slow turner during the women's game earlier, and England struggle to time it for the first few balls – but then Hales takes consecutive boundaries with a lofted sweep and a pleasant cover drive. He made 99 in England's last T20 match of course.

"Key men today, Bopara and Du Plessis – battle of the No3s!" says Harry Tuttle. "The moveable object versus the resistible force!" Actually the freedom of the format might help them both. Just hit the ball.

2nd over: England 10-0 (Kieswetter 2, Hales 8) It's been a slow start from Kieswetter, who is beaten by a sharp bouncer from Dale Steyn. He taps a slower ball for a single to take him to 2 from 8 balls, but that's the only run from a superb over.

3rd over: England 24-0 (Kieswetter 16, Hales 8) I suppose it's important that England don't overreach on this pitch. If they go for 180 they could be bowled out for 80. Judging what a good score might be is an underrated quality in a limited-overs batsman. Anyway, Tsotsobe is on for Peterson, and Kieswetter makes room to drive his third ball classily through extra cover for four. He does play some lovely-looking shots. This wasn't one of them, mind: the next ball is short, outside off stump, and Kieswetter edges a roundhouse right through the vacant first-slip area for four. He makes it 14 from the over by pulling the last delivery high over midwicket for six. Remember when every six was an event, worthy of at least one exclamation mark, and maybe 12 if Chris Tavare hit one?

"Somewhat predictable but (it's topical so I'm going with it anyway) it would probably be a transporter," says Lorraine Reese. "More sleep and no having to cope with wide-awake school children on an early morning."

WICKET! England 27-1 (Hales run out 11) England's good start is ended by a soft run-out. The non-striker Hales was sent back by Kieswetter and Kallis, running in from midwicket, hit the stumps with an excellent throw. Hayes was well short and has gone for 11 from six balls. I'm not sure whose fault that was; Kieswetter didn't seem interested in a run at any stage.

4th over: England 28-1 (Kieswetter 17, Bopara 0) Albie Morkel's first over costs just four.

5th over: England 36-1 (Kieswetter 24, Bopara 1) BREAKING NEWS: RAVI BOPARA SCORES A RUN. Sorry, that's not reallly fair. Anyway, he gets going with a gentle single off Tsotsobe; then Kieswetter slices another wild yahoo at Tsotsobe high over the slips for four. He's dropped next ball by the leaping Botha at mid-on. It would have been a stunning catch; only those with a telescopic arm need apply. Botha could only help it on the way for a couple.

6th over: England 40-1 (Kieswetter 25, Bopara 4) Bopara can't play for himself here. There is not a ball to waste in T20. And actually, swinging from the arse straight away would probably help him. In fact he has started pretty cautiously, and after three dot balls he clunks Morkel on the bounce to mid-on. Four from the over.

"I would invent a food that is as healthy as broccoli and celery but tastes as good as donuts," says Alistair M. Donuts?

WICKET! England 40-2 (Kieswetter LBW b Botha 25) The offspinner Johan Botha strikes with his first ball. That turned sharply back into Kieswetter, who was caught in front of the stumps on the back foot. There are no reviews so he has to walk; I doubt he would have reviewed that anyway. Hawkeye shows it was emphatically the right decision.

7th over: England 47-2 (Bopara 5, Morgan 6) Botha tempts Morgan with a bit of flight; Morgan waves a superb drive wide of extra cover for four.

"Genius at work..." says Andrew Hurley.

WICKET! England 50-3 (Bopara c Botha b Steyn 6) Dale Steyn comes back with a view to nailing England's best batsman – although if he picks up Eoin Morgan they won't complain either. Honk! Ho-honk!! Go on, honk with me. Honk on, honk on, with honk in your heart. Er, yes. Anyway, poor Bopara has gone again, edging a leaden-footed drive to Botha in a wide slip position. Good captaincy from de Villiers to have a slip in, and clinical work from the wonderful Steyn. Bopara made six from 11 balls; he looks utterly shot.

8th over: England 50-3 (Morgan 7, Bairstow 0) South Africa are right on top here. "At the gym, watching Faf throw himself around makes me wonder, if its possible to consider a cricketer an 'allrounder' based on their batting and fielding prowess?" says Sandile Xaso. "The likes of Jonty, Ponting, Collingwood and other specialist fielders." Good question. Maybe it applied more in the past, when very few fielders were exceptional. Roger Harper, say. Nowadays the general standard is so high that the greats don't stand out quite as much.

9th over: England 59-3 (Morgan 9, Bairstow 7) Bairstow gets off the mark with a wonderful extra-cover drive for four off Botha. Nine from the over. "Is it too late to remove Bopara from the World T20 squad?" says Andrew Hurley. "Don't want to kick a man while he is down but his England career should be ended. He just hasn't got it, and there are so many promising batsmen who deserve a go."

And yet six weeks ago it looked like he had almost cracked it in one-day cricket and that he would get the next two Test series for us to find out once and for all if he could do it. His career has been savaged by misfortune. If you could change the squad (I don't think you can) I would as he has gone mentally. But I'd give him one more go, certainly in limited-overs cricket, when his head is right. His England career reminds me a bit of Andy Cole's England football career, full of unusual incidents and dumb luck that eventually leaves you with only one conclusion: some things just aren't meant to be. I wonder how different his life would be had England not taken the crass decision to give him his Test debut in Sri Lanka.

10th over: England 64-3 (Morgan 10, Bairstow 9) Here's Jacques Kallis, proof that T20 is a young/slim man's game. His first over costs only five. England are around 15 runs short of par at the moment, although they have some hitters to come.

WICKET! England 66-4 (Morgan b Botha 10) Go home. There's nothing to see here. South Africa have surely won this match now. Morgan has been bowled by Botha, trying to pull a quick, fullish delivery and dragging it back onto the stumps. That's excellent bowling. Morgan was done on length and maybe beaten for pace as well.

11th over: England 67-4 (Bairstow 10, Buttler 1) There's too much pressure on Morgan in this line up, and to a lesser extent in the 50-over side as well. He copes with it superbly but that does not mean it is right, and even he will start to feel that pressure eventually. Every man has his breaking point.

"I would invent cycling shorts that don't reveal everything downstairs," says Jamie Stothard. "I don't cycle, I just feel my invention should be for the greater good."

12th over: England 74-4 (Bairstow 13, Buttler 5) Jos Buttler has had a slow start to his England career – 30 runs in six innings – but he is a serious talent. Bairstow collides with the bowler Kallis. Have a guess which one ended up on his derriere? Seven from Kallis's over, none in boundaries.

"Just enjoyed a slightly incongruous blast of Jarvis Cocker's Common People at the wheelchair tennis," says Gary Naylor. "Anyway, without the power that comes from a standing strong base, this sport is all about the timing of the cock of the wrists in that moment that the ball is on the strings. It's how you imagine VVS Laxman and Mahela Jawayardene would play tennis. It's rather soporific in this heat, but beautiful too."

WICKET! England 76-5 (Buttler b Petersen 6) Another failure for Jos Buttler I'm afraid. He came down the track to Peterson, who did him completely for lack of pace, and the ball turned past the outside edge to hit the stumps. Another fine piece of bowling.

13th over: England 77-5 (Bairstow 14, Patel 1) This death by spin does not bode too well for the World Twenty20 in Sri Lanka.

WICKET! England 80-6 (Bairstow c Botha b A Morkel 15) Well this is going well. Bairstow tries to ping Morkel over midwicket but screws it straight into the hands of long-on. England are in a mess.

14th over: England 81-6 (Patel 3, Broad 1) "Here's a stat for you: England's lowest ever score in T20s is 88," says Harry Tuttle. "For a team stocked with specialist batsmen, this is a shambles. It is mystifying how much we rely on Morgan." What are the alternatives, though? Even in 2010 England were reliant on three batsmen: guardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

England v South Africa – live! | Rob Smyth

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37th over: England 155-6 (Kieswetter 33, Woakes 14) England probably need to get up to 220 to give themselves any chance. Woakes adds four to the total with another top edge, this time as he attempts to cut Parnell.

"A post about accessing internet porn sent by 'Niall Harden'?" says Sean Moore. "Really?" Arf. A quick browse through the Guardian search engine will tell you he's an OBO regular. Then again I may have been inventing emails from him for the last five years, all the while building up to this moment. Just wait till you see what the punchline is for 'Gary Naylor'.

36th over: England 149-6 (Kieswetter 32, Woakes 9) Morne Morkel bowls the first ball of the Powerplay, and Craig Kieswetter smashes it over the covers for four. Then Woakes, beaten for pace, top-edges a hook over the keeper's head for four more. That almost went for six.

"Tell Steve Hudson that if it takes him longer to say 'Dubya' than 'Walker' then he's doing it differently," says Josh Robinson. I've been had again!

35th over: England 140-6 (Kieswetter 27, Woakes 5) Woakes almost offers a return catch, pushing the ball just past his left hand as he dived low to his left. Five singles from the over, and now England have to take the batting Powerplay.

"Tell Nick Barrett (32nd over) that VW is another example, as it George W (Walker) Bush," says Steve Hudson. "And tell him I've pulled loads of birds with this stuff, it's catnip to them." They love the word 'birds' too, I've heard. As for the first bit, I've been had again! It's the day of the patsy.

34th over: England 135-6 (Kieswetter 24, Woakes 3) Duminy replaces Elgar, the 35th bowling chance of the day. Three singles from the over. "Lot of talk on Sky about low totals and cagey cricket creeping into 50-over cricket (and this series in particular)," says Harry Tuttle. "God forbid the Test match will die out, but as it gets rarer our attitude to the different types of LO cricket will evolve. T20 has clearly accelerated thinking about run-scoring, risk-taking and bowling tactics – not all of it attacking, as is the caricature (for example, top-level T20 is an environment where a dot ball is just as valuable as a wicket). This has clearly had a trickledown (or up) effect on ODIs – they're no longer sped-up Tests, but slowed down T20s."

33rd over: England 132-6 (Kieswetter 22, Woakes 2) Robin Peterson is back. Chris Woakes is a decent man to have at No8; at the age of 23 he has six first-class centuries (though oddly he has never reached fifty in a one-day match, even for Warwickshire). He is taking time to play himself in, as he must with England six down, and there are two from the over.

"Our household got online in 1996, when I was 13," says Niall Harden, "and I remember typing in http://www.sex.com, just to see what was there. I then panicked, deleted most of the information on my dad's hard drive, and for a while I steamed open all the bills which came in the post, in the belief that our itemised phone bill would have a detailed browser history." Now this is more like it. Come on, some of you must have stories of being caught with your browsers down.

32nd over: England 130-6 (Kieswetter 21, Woakes 1) Kieswetter pulls a filthy delivery from Elgar for four and then pushes a single, his 1000th run in ODIs. His figures (average 31; strike rate 91) are pretty good for a man whose place does not always seem entirely secure.

"In other fascinating/mildly interesting/boring/utterly useless internet-related news, WWW is the only initialism that takes longer to say than what it stands for: World Wide Web," says Nick Barrett. "Before you ask no that will not get you the ladies in bars. i know, I was shocked as well."

31st over: England 124-6 (Kieswetter 16, Woakes 0) A wicket maiden from Stale Deyn, brother of Agyness. "I'd love to tell you about my internet memories too, but I'm at work too and a bit bored," says Robert Armes. "I got up at 7.30 this morning, woken by my wife opening the curtains pointedly loudly. I then had breakfast, which consisted of muesli and coffee. I had a sandwich for lunch but am unsure what I'll be eating this evening."

WICKET! England 124-6 (Patel c de Villiers b Steyn 9) Brilliant work from Dale Steyn, who has hoodwinked Samit Patel with the slower bouncer. Patel leered at it for a few seconds with the befuddlement of a man whose space/time continuum had just been broken before gloving it gently on its way to the keeper AB de Villiers. It's another triumph for de Villiers, who brought back Steyn for precisely that purpose. I wonder if Roy Gilchrist ever used the slower bouncer.

30th over: England 124-5 (Kieswetter 16, Patel 8) Kieswetter dances down the track to the new bowler Elgar to blast his second ball sweetly to long off for a single. He plays some bloody good shots for one, but he still doesn't play enough shots for one. There are mitigating circumstances, of course, but 62 per cent of his deliveries in this innings have been dot balls.

"Still drooling over which openers to select for the G-men: Greenidge, Gooch, Gayle, Gavaskar?" drools Michael Wilbur. "We should find a place somewhere for WG Grace, of course, and I'd like Gower coming in the middle order under no pressure at 400-2. Our keeper Gilchrist should have some licence to play his shots. We might perm one of Ganguly, Greig, Gambhir, Gatting to complete the batting places, but I'm struggling to come up with a strong bowling attack beyond Garner, Gillespie and Gibbs. I think Gary Gilmour doesn't quite have the gravitas required to mix along with his team mates here, or maybe Greig has a role here? Any thoughts on our third quickie?" It's between Charlie Griffith and Darren Gough I'd say. Or you could whistle up Roy Gilchrist to make things a bit lively. Tony Greig has to play at No6; he's streets ahead of the others.

29th over: England 118-5 (Kieswetter 12, Patel 7) A nice, aggressive move from AB de Villiers, who brings back Dale Steyn in the hope of some hot boot-on-throat action. A good over costs just one. Kieswetter has 12 from 30, Patel 7 from 8.

"I remember seeing the 'internet' on our library PCs at Sheffield Uni in 1993," says Guy Hornsby. "Eager to delve in, I started up Netscape and stared at the gruesome flashing colours of Yahoo's homepage (for a couple of weeks I thought it was the homepage of the entire internet until I found the settings) and created my cc mail account so I could email stuff to other students from a floppy disk. That whole last sentence would mean almost nothing to anyone under 30 would it? I still remember fondly playing Doom on my 'Maths DX 66 co-processor' (8mb RAM!!!) and thinking it was the best thing in the world. I blame my 2:2 in Geography on Championship Manager though. That and my 56k modem. God pictures downloaded slowly in those days."

28th over: England 117-5 (Kieswetter 11, Patel 7) A bit of rubbish from du Plessis is cut crisply for four by Patel. Six from the over. "You are inviting opprobrium with your purchasing of bottled water," says James Galea. "In the Guardian's pages, indeed. You know those bottles are refillable? I've still got one at home with Ali Cook's lovely face on one side, Matt Prior's less lovely face on the other." Refillable with what? Tap water. Eugh!

27th over: England 111-5 (Kieswetter 10, Patel 2) Wayne Parnell bowls consecutive front-foot no-balls. The first free hit is squirted for a single by Kieswetter, the second driven for a single by Samit Patel, who was almost run out off a free hit the other day. Kieswetter shows his class with a stunning extra-cover drive for four, holding the pose at the end of his follow through, and then he bottom edges a wild cut stroke on the bounce to de Villiers. What a strange player he is. He uses the sublime and ridiculous as starting points to go further east and west.

"I'd love to send you an email about my first internet memory," says Alex Netherton. "Sadly I am at work and am a bit distracted. I got into work for about nine in the morning (I set my alarm for half seven but got up at 6.59 and had a longer shower than usual instead) and got the bus to work. I've had two lunches today, because I'm going for a run in a bit and want to run further than usual. I had a salt beef baguette, and then some kedgeree a couple of hours later. I'm going to try to run seven miles, running from Highbury to Barbican then back again. Then I'm going to watch Breaking Bad. I think the most recent series has been the best so far, though I'm confused why people say it's good as the Sopranos, when it's not as memorable and far less clever scriptwise. I'm using the internet to send this though, which is apposite, I suppose."

26th over: England 101-5 (Kieswetter 3, Patel 1) A chap called 'Smylers' informs us that Steven Finn has a back injury, hence his absence. The advantage of that is that England now have Chris Woakes coming in at No8.

WICKET! England 99-5 (Cook ct and b du Plessis 51) Dear oh dear. Francois du Plessis's part-time legspin has brought a wicket second ball. A batsman has 99 problems at the crease but a low full toss should never be one. Cook could have done pretty much anything with it, but he popped a low return catch that du Plessis claimed gleefully. That brought to mind Jacques Rudolph's dismissal of Nasser Hussain at Headingley in 2003; a real WTF moment. Du Plessis hardly ever bowls in ODIs; in fact, that wicket has halved his average of 115.

25th over: England 99-4 (Cook 51, Kieswetter 2) A single off Parnell brings Cook to a strong half-century from 69 balls. It's a bit excessive to say he needed a score, but after 32 runs in the first four matches he'll be pleased with this. And, as he showed against Pakistan earlier this year, he knows how to bat through when the side are batting first. If England are going to win this they may well need a century from Cook.

"If it's any small consolation," says Michael Hunt, "I spent more than a couple of seconds after reading Over 21 not understanding how you could have made that mistake, but also not really understanding Hannah Marsh's decision to get over the loss of wickets by returning top being a paratrooper."

24th over: England 96-4 (Cook 49, Kieswetter 1) Cook drives Peterson off the back foot for a couple, helped by a misfield from Elgar at short extra. Kieswetter gets off the mark from his ninth delivery, driving to long off. His nurdling has improved since he started but there is still plenty of work to do. It'll be really interesting to see how he goes today.

"Hope all well?" says our old friend Sam Collins before getting down to brass tacks. "The bad news is I'm here again to ask you for another plug. The good news is I hope it will be worth watching. It's the promo for the documentary Jarrod and I are making on the future of Test cricket – Death of a Gentleman. It's not a trailer, as we haven't cut the film yet, but more something we are showing to distributors and money men to help us finish the film, to prove that we haven't been filming ourselves taking pictures of food for the last nine months. This promo features guys like Strauss, Pietersen, Modi, Holding, Clarke, Srinivasan, Nicholas, Chappell, Dravid and Ed Cowan. Mostly with their clothes on. Lord Selve and Mike Brearley are among the many others we've canvassed too, and should make the final cut that we are hoping to release in May/ June 2013. As independent filmmakers we need to keep asking people to spread the word, so please visit www.deathofagentlemanfilm.com for further details on the film and investment opportunities."

23rd over: England 91-4 (Cook 45, Kieswetter 0) Three from Parnell's over. For the second time in the innings, England are rebuilding after the loss of two quick wickets.

Do you mind if I have a drink of water before going back to the paras? Thanks. It's Buxton, a 500ml bottle. I buy them in packs of eight to save money. It makes sense to do so because I like to bring one each day for the hour train journey into London. It's so important to keep hydrated, especially in the summer. There are myriad benefits to drinking water.

22nd over: England 88-4 (Cook 42, Kieswetter 0) "First memory/use of internet: first job in 1998 (!) – told to research things on the internet, I spent 15 minutes staring at a blank Netscape Navigator page before a kindly colleague showed me where to type the url…" says Guy Mavor. Nowadays you could avoid human contact by emailing someone to ask how to do it.

21st over: England 86-4 (Cook 41, Kieswetter 0) Cook edges a cut at the new bowler Parnell through the vacant slip area for four. This will be a good test of the new batsman Craig Kieswetter; in his one-day international career he has usually started his innings in the first 10 overs or the last 10. This is a good chance to show he can rotate the strike and build an innings.

"Just tuned in to see wicket four go down," says Hannah Marsh. "I'm going back to the Paras..." Being quite stupid and all, for about 30 seconds I genuinely thought that was a reference to writing, and that the kids were now calling writing "going back to the paras".

20th over: England 82-4 (Cook 37, Kieswetter 0) Clue 1: it has four letters. Clue 2: England are in it.

"My earliest internet memories: the year was 1995, I was in grade 5 and we purchased a newfangled invention called a dial-up modem," says SB Tang. "Applications and websites I remember using: Hotmail, ICQ (remember that?), and a plethora of crummy search engines, including but not limited to, Altavista, Lycos and Yahoo. But, above all, I remember an incredible discovery made independently and simultaneously by both me and my mate Alex — Cricinfo. Truly, the cricketing gods' gift to our generation. Long may it prosper."

WICKET! England 82-4 (Morgan c Amla b Duminy 0) Get back to work: Morgan has gone second ball for nought! AB de Villiers brought mid-on up a few yards and Morgan took the bait. He tried to drill the new bowler JP Duminy over the top but screwed it straight to Amla at mid-on. That's a mighty wicket for South Africa, and a triumph for the captain de Villiers.

19th over: England 79-3 (Cook 34, Morgan 0) Stop whatever you're doing and acquaint yourself with the F5 button: the new batsman is the in-form Eoin Morgan.

"What is a good score on this pitch?" says Andrew Hurley. "270? Strange Finn is not playing, for all that I think it's good to finally see Woakes. The dryness of the pitch should really help Patel and Tredwell." I'm hopeless at judging pitches, but you'd think anything above 250 would be competitive. As ever, so much depends on Morgan. I'm not sure why they left Finn out as he's been England's best one-day bowler by a distance for the last 12 months, although he hasn't been quite at his best in this series.

WICKET! England 79-3 (Bairstow c Ontong b Morkel 29) Bairstow has flicked Morne Morkel straight to deep midwicket. He seemed to time it extremely well, and I thought it was clearing the ropes, but in fact he pinged it straight to Justin Ontong. He was aiming towards square leg rather than midwicket. That's a frustrating dismissal because he was looking good and had swivel-pulled the previous delivery superbly for four.

18th over: England 75-2 (Cook 34, Bairstow 25) Peterson puts down Cook, a very sharp return chance as he dived low to his left. He took a similar but probably more difficult chance to dismiss Ian Bell (I think) in the World Cup last year. He didn't close his hands at the right time which suggests he might have thought it was a bump ball.

"I was going to regale you with tales of meeting up with like-minded Star Trek: Deep Space Nine fans in 1995 thanks to the internet while everyone else in the country was making out to Lush B-sides, but instead you may want to take a peek at Ravi Bopara's wiki page," says my colleague James Walsh. "It's got a lot more duck-related lately." It's really sad. He was in fantastic form before his personal problems. How many setbacks can a bloke cope with before he decides some things just aren't meant to be?

17th over: England 73-2 (Cook 32, Bairstow 24) Morne Morkel is wided for a leg-side short ball to Bairstow. Four from the over. "Steve Hudson's 'B' team looks very strong but would lose every game due to the number of byes it concedes," says Martin Duckworth. "So may I suggest a 'Keeper, namely Boucher? And tell SF Barnes he's on the twos this week." You can have that pleasure. (And then reinstate him ahead of Ian Bishop.)

16th over: England 69-2 (Cook 31, Bairstow 22) South Africa take their bowling Powerplay at the first opportunity and give the ball to Robin Peterson. He concedes just one from the first five deliveries; then, with fine leg and square leg up, Bairstow sweeps between the two men for four.

"My highlight of the summer?" says Luke Dealtry. "Thanks for asking. I think it's the celebration unveiled by Ravi in the last few ODIs where he offers a strong-armed handshake just above waist height to whomsoever is nearest; none of this hugging or whooping rubbish. Think it'll ever catch on? I hear he's going for cotton slacks, a button-up shirt and a neckerchief if he plays in India."
Great point. Has there ever been a more chappish gesture on a cricket field than the Bopara handshake?

15th over: England 63-2 (Cook 30, Bairstow 18) Parnell continues to feed Cook's cut, which on the Dunderhead Scale is right up there with informing Francis Begbie that's he the epitome of androgyny – but this time he rifles it straight to a fielder. Three from the over.

"My earliest memory of the internet is on the day that I got my A-level results," says Richard O'Hagan. "My Dad was a university lecturer at the time and had an early version of email with which he was able to contact my preferred university - some place in Staffordshire - to check I had got in. This was after he rang me at work with my results and got them wrong." The internet existed in the 1960s? Honk! Ho-honk! Come on, honk with me now.

14th over: England 60-2 (Cook 28, Bairstow 17) Bairstow gives Elgar the charge and drags an inside edge for a single. Later in the over he premeditates a lap for a couple – and then Elgar bowls a big front-foot no-ball. That's criminal, especially when the punishment is a free hit, although he redeems himself with an excellent curving yorker that Bairstow can only block. Seven from the over.

In other news, who wants to help an OBOette in distress? "Perhaps somebody can help we find a game called 'Money, Money, Money' that I played on my grandfather's Vic-20 in 1981 or thereabouts," says Sara Torvalds. "There are Commodore 64 games you can buy, but I've yet to see any of the really crude stuff for the Vic-20 available anywhere. Anyone? It was a stick man that you had to guide across the screen, avoiding asterisk 'snow flakes' while fetching a 'bag' of – you guessed it – money and getting back safely."

13th over: England 53-2 (Cook 26, Bairstow 13) Parnell shrieks for LBW against Bairstow, who walked across his stumps. That looked pretty close but there were doubts over where it pitched and perhaps height. Hawkeye shows it did pitch fractionally outside leg. Everything else is bunkum.

"Barrington?" says Alex Netherton. "Does he means Barrington 'Biscuits' Barrington (see 5pm)?"

12th over: England 48-2 (Cook 25, Bairstow 12) The left-arm spinner Dean Elgar is on for Morkel. His fourth ball is a dipping full toss that Bairstow fails to put away, and there's just a single from the over. Cook has 25 from 32, Bairstow 12 from 27.

"My earliest memory of the Internet is the moment I finally had access, via my Dad's work laptop, an suddenly realising I had no idea what I wanted to read," says Brad McMillian. "The term 'surfing the net' was in use by that time, and had conjured in my mind the idea that I would simply be taken on a random voyage of exciting discovery as soon as I logged on. Fifteen-plus years later I still have no idea what I want to read/discover, so I simply stick to what I used to rely on newspapers and magazines for: news and sport etc and so on..."

11th over: England 48-2 (Cook 25, Bairstow 11) Cook tries to cut the new bowler Parnell, but it's a bit too full for the shot and he bottom edges it on the bounce to de Villiers. He nails the shot later in the over, however, savaging Parnell for four.

"I was first aware of people actually using the internet in my sixth form at school (93/94)," says Tim Davis. "The small band of computer literate geeks fellow students back in those days would use the school computers in the library to email each other at lunchtime. 'But… why not just talk to each other?' I'd cry, somewhat mockingly. They're probably all happily married, rich, successful businessmen now. Whereas I'm still enduring the puce-faced horror of being caught by mother…" Was the web widely available in 1993-94? Crikey. When I recall the Borden Grammar School sixth form of 1993-94, the only W that springs to mind rhymes with ledgies.

10th over: England 42-2 (Cook 20, Bairstow 10) "The B side is pretty good too," says Steve Hudson. "The B side is pretty good too: Boycott, Sid Barnes, Bradman, Barrington, Border, Botham, Benaud (capt), Bedser, SF Barnes, Bishop, Bedi." And Colin Bland as 12th man.

9th over: England 41-2 (Cook 19, Bairstow 10) Bairstow is put down by de Villiers, although it was an exceptionally difficult chance. He inside edged a sharp delivery from Steyn, which meant de Villiers had to change direction and then try to get his left hand down to take the ball at instep height. He got down in time but couldn't hang on. As Sir Ian Botham says on Sky, we should really probably him with saving four runs rather than putting it down as a dropped catch.

"That team of Ms is pretty good," says Rob Lee-Davey, "but someone is going to have to make way for McCague." Especially if they have team-bonding trips to Dublin.

8th over: England 39-2 (Cook 18, Bairstow 9) After 12 consecutive dot balls, Bairstow cuts Morkel crisply for four. It's a good over for England in fact, with nine from it when Cook pulls the last ball handsomely over midwicket for four.

"I first started using e-mail and the internet at university – this inevitably involved a 10-minute walk late in the evening from my dorm to the school's computer lab, sending a few e-mails and then popping in a copy of One-Nil into the floppy disk drive and staying up into the wee hours, watching Luc Nilis bang goals in for fun at the head of my strike force," says Darren Kilfara. "What a game that was…never mind that said floppy disk became infected by a prototypical virus which ultimately wiped out at least one of my family's PCs back at home. Totally worth it." And to think some people leave university with regrets.

7th over: England 30-2 (Cook 14, Bairstow 4) Steyn is bowling straight and trying to shape it back into Cook, who is vulnerable to that angle of attack. After five balls on the stumps, he angles one across Cook and past the outside edge. A maiden.

"Well, the H-team (Hobbs, Hutton, Hammond, Headley, Harvey, Hill, Hadlee, Healy, Holding, Hall, Harbhajan (if he's allowed)) has probably the greatest batting line up," says Josh Robinson, "and Clive Lloyd's side (Lawry, Langer, Lara, Leyland, Lloyd, Lindsay, Lindwall, Larwood, Laker, Lohmann, Lillee) has a fantastic attack, but I'd like to go out on a limb and say that this is perhaps the strongest of the lot: Hanif Mohammad, Arthur Morris, Phil Mead, Javed Miandad (c), Stan McCabe, Keith Miller, Rod Marsh, Malcolm Marshall, Ted McDonald, Muttiah Muralitharan, Glenn McGrath (arguably with Mushtaq Mohammad coming in for Marsh). It could be that I'm not old enough to have seen many of the greats, but I find it hard to argue with any side containing Marshall, McGrath and Murali." And Keith Miller first change. That's an awesome team. Then again, Larwood, Lillee and Lohmann...

6th over: England 30-2 (Cook 14, Bairstow 4) Morne Morkel replaces Robin Peterson. Bairstow crunches him classily through midwicket for four. "Does the fact that the Sun article was written by Dot Comme," begins Simon Pennington, "and the 'riddle of 'E' mail' is also referenced at the end suggest this might have been an April 1 story?" I've been had. I'm King Patsy. I've been played for a fool again, and this time there wasn't even a kooky broad with a love of geek pop involved. Darn it. Still, it's a decent excuse for us to reminisce about when the internet was good, eh? Eh?

5th over: England 24-2 (Cook 12, Bairstow 0) Jonny Bairstow is beaten second ball by a storming delivery. Steyn appealed on his own for the caught behind but there was nothing in it. The next ball goes past the edge as well to complete a sensational over.

"My early internet memories include all the hype about 'working from home'," says Dr Ian Hawke. "Which brings the question: why do you go into the office to OBO from one screen to another? Is it the great office company, or your love of public transport?" I love my colleagues dearly, and it's got nothing to do with the fact we can't use the OBO publishing system from home. Nothing at all.

WICKET! England 24-2 (Bopara c de Villiers b Steyn 0) A golden duck for Ravi Bopara. He felt outside off stump at a good delivery from Dale Steyn and edged a straightforward catch to AB de Villiers. There was a sad inevitability to Bopara failing, although I'm not sure anyone expected a first-baller. He looks shot to bits mentally, almost as bad as Mark Ramprakash back in 1995.

4th over: England 23-1 (Cook 12, Bopara 0) Demon seamer Ravi Bopara has been promoted to No3. What a strange place he's in. Two months ago he seemed to have finally cracked it when he slapped Australia to all parts; now he can't buy a run.

"My first internet memory is of gathering round an acorn computer at school and slowly watching as the current weather was downloaded through the phonelines," says James Grinnell. "It took 20 mins and looked like a particularly unartistic four-year-old had drawn a weather map that vaguely resembled the uk. We thought it was amazing obviously."

WICKET! England 23-1 (Bell LBW b Peterson 10) Bell, who is always so light on his feet against the spinners, Travoltas back in his crease to late cut Peterson for another boundary. And now he's gone! He played defensively outside the line of a delivery that went straight on from around the wicket and was given out LBW by Kumar Dharmasena. He's going to review it. I suppose there's a slight chance he got outside the line but I reckon this decision will be upheld. He's out! There wasn't even an 'umpire's call'. It hit him in line and would have hit leg stump four-fifths of the way up.

3rd over: England 19-0 (Cook 12, Bell 6) Steyn's first ball is too straight and eased off the pads for four by Ian Bell. A similarly errant delivery later in the over is pinged to the midwicket boundary by Cook. A fine start for England. In other news, here's your daily statgasm. If England win today they will set a new record for win/loss ratio in ODIs during one calendar year: they would have won 13 and lost one. Not just that, their current win/loss ratio of 12 is almost double the next best. England 2012: the greatest one-day team ever. End of and fact.

2nd over: England 10-0 (Cook 8, Bell 1) The left-arm spinner Robin Peterson is going to open the bowling. Bell takes a single from the first ball and then Cook sweeps round the corner for four.

"My mind has wandered this lunchtime," says Peter Harmer, "and I'm wondering, if you were only allowed to pick players whose surname began with one letter, which letter would you chose." That's a great question. Off the top of my head I'd go for H (Hobbs, Hutton, Hammond, Hadlee, Holding) or W (Waugh, Waugh, Warne, Weekes, Worrell, Walcott, plus Wasim and Waqar if you're allowed them as Ws).

1st over: England 5-0 (Cook 4, Bell 0) Dale Steyn's first ball of the match swings dangerously back in to Alastair Cook. This is Trent Bridge, after all. The third ball also shapes back in but Cook times it sweetly down the ground for four. An off-side wide completes the scoring for the over.

You. Have. Mail. We know that the internet has pretty much killed society, exposing the narcissistic sociopath in us all. But once upon a time it was a sweet, innocent thing, as this amusing report from 1992 shows. (The headline is a fake, apparently, but the rest is the real thing.)

What are your early memories of the internet? I remember the puce-faced horror of being caught by mother the phrase "information superhighway", and 'watching' Ian Healy hit a momentous series-winning six at Port Elizabeth on some newish website called 'Cricinfo'.

England have won the toss and will bat first

England Cook (capt), Bell, Bopara, Bairstow, Morgan, Kieswetter (wk), Patel, Woakes, Tredwell, Anderson, Dernbach.

South Africa Smith, Amla, Elgar, de Villiers (capt/wk), Duminy, du Plessis, Ontong, Parnell, Peterson, Steyn, M Morkel.

Preamble I was ripped from my sleep at 7.27am this morning. Not sure why my alarm setting was so precise but there you go. It was a decent sleep, just under eight hours with only a couple of brief interruptions. My eyemask slipped off again; that always seems to happen. I'm not entirely sure what I dreamt about, but I think an ex and a Diesel shop were involved. Not diesel as in petrol; I wouldn't have used a capital letter had that been the case. I had some toast for breakfast (dry; I must remember to add Marmite to the list of things I must remember to buy) and then finished some work. I started to watch Clueless but got restless after 10 minutes so I replied to some emails before coming into the office.

As those of you who have got this far without switching over to The Competition would surely concur, talking about No1 has a limited appeal. It's a lesson us cricket types should remember. Since England became inexplicably useful in all three formats of the game, every match has been framed in the context of being No1. When England hammered South Africa on Sunday, it was suggested by a few people that today's fifth and final ODI barely mattered because England would remain top of the rankings until the near year regardless of the result.

In the parlance of our time, sod that! There is a series to be won here. England lead 2-1, and if they win/tie/no result today's match they will have won eight consecutive ODI series at home for the first time ever. The rankings are emphatically a good thing, but it's time we got back to the humble, self-contained joy of winning matches and winning series. Then – 30 points in cricketclichebingo – the rankings will take care of themselves.

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The Spin | The curious case of Matt Prior and Craig Kieswetter | Rob Smyth

Matt Prior is deservedly in the ICC's World Test XI yet we may have seen the last of him in coloured clothing

Americans do not get irony, small portions and cricket. End of and fact. We know this because it says so in our Little Book of Stereotypes That Ignore Britain's Obese Obesity Problem, The Work of Larry David and America's Burgeoning Cricket Culture. Those jokes aren't funny anymore; those familiar with the work of Bart King, the remarkable 19th century fast bowler from Philadelphia, would tell you they never were. But the putative American still serves as a useful tool for celebration of cricket's unique depth and eccentricity. The five-day draw is the most common example of this – how could an American possibly understand – although there is an even better example in the England side at the moment.

Consider this for a logic googly. Person A is the most successful attacking player in his team when they play the least attacking of the three forms of cricket, yet in the two more attacking forms of the game he cannot get a game. He is kept out of the side by Person B, even though he is essentially superior in both roles that their position demands. Welcome to the curious case of Matt Prior and Craig Kieswetter.

The Spin is openly in love with Matt Prior. If there was a free-for-all to touch his beard, we'd break sexagenarian bones to secure our place at the front of the queue. Last week he was inevitably named in the ICC Test World XI. Of the three England players in that side – Alastair Cook and Stuart Broad were the others – Prior's place is probably the most secure. He is a class act who was man of the series against South Africa and ensures every stone is turned in his attempt to become as good as he can be. There's even a bit of an aura around him. His selflessness, professionalism, excuse-aversion and excellence are such that, with Andrew Strauss gone, he is arguably the most impressive man in the England team. And although disciples of Alan Knott's genius would legitimately be appalled at the suggestion, in purely statistical terms there is a strong case for Prior making an all-time England Test XI.

Yet he can't even get in the current England one-day and T20 XIs. The man in his place has to work particularly hard to win affection, and not just because he is ahead of Prior. If the Spin had a shiny new coin for every time we had heard somebody opine that Kieswetter has to dropped, usually with a cussword or three, we wouldn't be writing this on a Tuesday night to earn a crust. It's said that England haven't replaced Paul Collingwood, and it's true that in Test cricket they still have no middle-order firefighter, but he does have a spiritual heir in Kieswetter: the man who, at least in the the public eye. is forever fighting for his place. His South African background surely doesn't help. The criticism of Kieswetter peaked during the second ODI against South Africa, when he dropped three catches, none of which were extremely difficult. During the next ODI, the excellent South African journalist Neil Manthorp wrote on Twitter that "Kieswetter is proving to be South Africa's best export yet. For South Africa".

Yet, as befits a short international career that has gone up and down like a demented graphic equaliser, Kieswetter came back to star in England's win on Sunday. His three stumpings were an England record, and he finished the match with an exhilarating straight six off Dale Steyn.

Kieswetter has six appeal in spades. He has hit 30 of them in 42 ODIs, and is already eighth on England's ODI six-hitting list, even though everybody above him has played many more games. He has spanked a six every 35 balls, which compares favourably to some other English big-hitters: Andrew Flintoff (every 40 balls), Sir Ian Botham (every 61), Eoin Morgan (every 65 in his England ODI career), Kevin Pietersen (every 67). Even around the world, few can beat Kieswetter's six ratio. Chris Gayle hits one every 52 balls, Virender Sehwag every 58; Adam Gilchrist managed one every 67. Shahid Afridi clears the ropes every 21 balls, as does Kieron Pollard, but there's no shame being behind them.

In that sense, Kieswetter is a special talent. There are no guarantees he will make it, such is the nature of sport and the imperfections in his game, but he has palpably got something. Anyone who can drive Steyn down the ground for six cannot be ignored, and his ability to recover from a number of setbacks in his short international career suggests considerable resilience. It's also easy to forget that he was man of the match the only time England became world champions, against Australia in the World Twenty20 final of 2010 – yet even in that game he was dismissed in vaguely absurd circumstances, making so much room that he ended up offering no stroke to a ball from Mitchell Johnson that sent his off stump flying. He is a rare mix of imperiousness and haplessness, world-class instinctive brilliance and club-cricket ineptitude.

Behind the stumps he often takes amazing full-length catches and then drops regulation chances. Kieswetter's detractors wonder why he England should take such risks when there is a velvet-gloved alternative in Prior. Every Kieswetter drop is scrutinised, whereas a Prior drop is seen almost as a Halley's Comet moment. Prior has earned that right – but then again Kieswetter, who is still only 24, has surely earned the right for people to accept his keeping will improve, just as Prior's did after a traumatic start to his international career.

When Duncan Fletcher preferred Geraint Jones to Chris Read in 2004 he argued that, whereas you can teach someone to catch a ball, you can't teach them to score Test hundreds. Prior arguably proves this point. He scored a hundred on Test debut but struggled with his keeping in his first year of Test cricket. When he was dropped, ridiculed publicly for his keeping and his perceived role in the jellybean fiasco, he took his medicine and improved immeasurably. It might be stretching it to expect Kieswetter to become as good with the gloves as Prior, but he has shown a significant improvement since the start of his England career. You can teach someone to catch the ball, and to manoeuvre the ball around for singles (Kieswetter's dot-ball ratio is probably higher than it should be, although in this, too, he is improving). But you cannot teach them to hit the greatest fast bowler in the world down the ground for six. In a side that has very few regular six hitters, this is a priceless quality. Jonny Bairstow offers an intriguing third option, but it is easy to say why England persist with Kieswetter.

All this might be moot if Prior batted as well in ODIs as he does in Tests, yet his record is poor for a player of his abundant class. He has played 68 matches, making only two fifties in 62 innings, with an average of 24.18 and a strike rate of 76.76. Contrast that with Kieswetter's figures: he averages 30.59 with a strike rate of 92.53. He reaches 50 every sixth innings, rather than every 31st in Prior's case.

There are mitigating circumstances. Prior made his debut as long ago as 2004, and most of those innings were played when he was not the mature talent he is today. He has also never had a defined role, batting everywhere in the order apart from No5, No10 and No11. (Yes, he really did come in at No9 in an ODI.) In his most recent stint at ODIs, in the build-up to and during the 2011 World Cup, Prior averaged under 20 and never really got to grips with opening or batting as a lower-middle order finisher. His strokeplay is perhaps too orthodox for him to bat down the order and succeed against defensive fields – the fact he hits a six every 278 balls to Kieswetter's 35 supports that perception – and that the only place for him to bat would be in the top three, when his bullying drives could pierce the field during the Powerplay overs. There is unlikely to be any room in that top three for a while, however, which is why Kieswetter is having to learn a new role at No6.

Even when Prior did bat in the top three, as recently as last year, he struggled. He has played some sparkling innings for Sussex this year, particularly in T20 cricket, but it is not easy to know whether these are indicative of a player going to a new level or simply a high-class player taking apart county attacks. If England are to make the grand gesture of recalling Prior and dumping Kieswetter, they need to be pretty sure he can do to international bowlers what he has done at county level this season. And the problem of finding ways to score at the requisite rate has not gone away completely. In the context of a high-scoring CB40 semi-final against Hampshire last weekend, Prior's boundaryless 28 from 52 balls at No3 was arguably a match-losing innings.

Other brilliant attacking Test-match batsmen have found their talent is lost in translation to the shorter forms of the game. Michael Slater (42 ODIs; no centuries; average 24.07; strike rate 60.40) and Michael Vaughan (86 ODIs; no centures; average 27.15; strike rate 68.39) are the two most obvious examples. You can have as many theories as you like, but sometimes there is no grand reason; a slowish start to an ODI career simply begins to perpetuate itself for the usual human reasons. There is much talk of one-day specialists, yet for every one of those there must logically be a Test specialist. Prior is 30 now and, although it seems daft to say about a player of such talent, we may have seen the last of him in coloured clothing for England. Alanis Morissette might call the situation ironic. To the rest of us it's just another example of why cricket is an endlessly fascinating game.

• This is an extract from the Spin, the Guardian's free weekly cricket email. To sign up, click here.

Matt PriorEngland cricket teamCricketRob Smyth
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Football Weekly: Liverpool's problems mount after Arsenal defeat

It's a vintage lineup for today's Football Weekly, with James Richardson joined by Jonathan Wilson, Rob Smyth and John Ashdown.

We start by assessing the scale of the job ahead for Brendan Rodgers. Defeat against Arsenal means Liverpool are still without a win in the Premier League – and their squad looks woefully thin, especially with Andy Carroll now at West Ham and no replacement signed. Still, at least LeBron James has this incentive for Stevie G and friends...

Next, we round up all the rest of the weekend's action, including a hat-trick for Robin Van Persie as Manchester United came from behind against Southampton, and a debut brace for Sunderland's Steven Fletcher against Swansea.

Sid Lowe's on the line telling us why Cristiano Ronaldo is no longer a happy camper in Madrid before – last but not least – we dip our toes into the icy waters of the lower leagues where Paolo Di Canio has been letting off some steam. Again.

Leave you feedback on the blog below - and please play nicely, children.

James RichardsonBen GreenJonathan WilsonRob SmythJohn AshdownSid Lowe

Saturday football clockwatch – as it happened | Rob Smyth

West Brom continued their fine start with a 2-0 win over Everton, while Norwich got a late equaliser at Spurs

Preamble Afternoon. What's the rumpus? We're a little busy today so I shall dispense with the usual epiphany-inducing prose that you find in these preambles. These are the four 3pm fixtures in the Premier League:

Swansea v Sunderland
Tottenham v Norwich
West Brom v Everton
Wigan v Stoke

Shall we proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hardcore team news?

Tottenham v Norwich team news

Tottenham (4-2-3-1): Friedel; Walker, Gallas, Vertonghen, Assou-Ekotto; Livermore, Sandro; Lennon, Sigurdsson, Bale; Defoe.
Subs: Cudicini, Huddlestone, Adebayor, Naughton, Dembele, Townsend,
Caulker.

Norwich (4-2-3-1): Ruddy; Russell Martin, Bassong, Barnett, Garrido; Johnson, Howson; Snodgrass, Jackson, Pilkington; Holt.
Subs: Rudd, Turner, Surman, Hoolahan, Morison, Tierney, Tettey.

Referee: Mark Halsey (Lancashire)

2.26pm Manchester City aren't playing till this evening but they have had an early boost with the news that Mario Balotelli will be out for a month after eye surgery. It wasn't commented on that much at the time, but Balotelli's red card at Arsenal won City the league last year.

Wigan v Stoke team news

Wigan (3-4-2-1): Al Habsi; Ramis, Caldwell, Figueroa; Boyce, McArthur, McCarthy, Beausejour; Kone, Maloney; Di Santo.
Subs: Pollitt, Jones, Crusat, Watson, Gomez, Boselli, Miyaichi.

Stoke (4-4-2): Begovic; Wilkinson, Huth, Shawcross, Wilson; Whelan, Cameron, Whitehead, Kightly; Crouch, Walters.
Subs: Sorensen, Pennant, Jones, Edu, Adam, Upson, Jerome.

Referee: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)

2.36pm West Ham battered Fulham 3-0 in the early fixture, with Andy Carroll causing mayhem in the traditional style. You can revisit the match with Scott Murray's minute-by-minute report.

West Brom v Everton team news

West Brom (4-2-3-1): Foster; Reid, Olsson, McAuley, Ridgewell; Yacob, Mulumbu; Dorrans, Morrison, Fortune; Long.
Subs: Myhill, Rosenberg, Brunt, Gera, Odemwingie, Dawson, Jones.

Everton (4-4-1-1): Howard; Neville, Jagielka, Distin, Baines; Naismith, Osman, Gibson, Pienaar; Fellaini; Jelavic.
Subs: Mucha, Hibbert, Heitinga, Mirallas, Gueye, Coleman, Anichebe.

Referee: Jon Moss (W Yorkshire)

Swansea v Sunderland team news

Swansea (4-2-3-1): Vorm; Rangel, Williams, Chico, Taylor; Britton, de Guzman; Dyer, Michu, Routledge; Graham.
Subs: Tremmel, Tate, Shechter, Moore, Ki, Agustien, Davies.

Sunderland (4-2-3-1): Mignolet; Gardner, Cuellar, O'Shea, Colback; Larsson, Cattermole; Johnson, Sessegnon, McClean; Fletcher.
Subs: Westwood, Campbell, Kilgallon, Ji, Meyler, Bramble, Saha.

Referee: Roger East (Wiltshire)

2.52pm "Bit harsh on Mario, I mean he did squeeze that ball to Aguero, didn't he?" says Phil Podolsky. "And that he's a superior player to Dzeko even Dzeko's mom could not deny. But then Dzeko did score that header from that corner. And that he's more 'reliable' than Mario even Mario's foster mom could not deny. Look, I don't know, OK?"

Let's sort this debate in the modern style: with a slanging match on Twitter. Aw, look, Balotelli's clearly a cracking player, but him being sent off put Tevez back into the team, and that's wot won it.

2.58pm Here's a topical video: Eric Cantona emerging in a pink shower cap. It's safe for work.

2.59pm Fashionista update: trendsetter Tony Pulis is wearing a baseball cap.

3pm As the four matches kick off, I'm watching a bloody Meerkat advert on Sky Sports News. How's that for an interactive experience?

3.01pm "Re: Balotelli's contribution to the $ity title," says Lou Roper. "Yes, his sending off did permit the return of Tevez, but didn't his own return –not coincidentally, at the expense of world-class whinger Nasri – provide the last piece?" Yes, but if he hadn't been sent off at Arsenal his contribution on the last day would have been irrelevant because United would have been over the hill and far, far away.

GOAL! Wigan 1-0 Stoke (Maloney 5 pen) A goal for Wigan at Fortress DW, a penalty from Shaun Maloney. I have no idea what actually happened because I missed Phil Thompson's description on Sky Sports News. You're welcome!

3.08pm Apparently the penalty was given for [Stoke] ball-to-hand [/Stoke] / [Wigan] hand-to-ball [/Wigan] against Robert Huth. Just think, Robert Huth once played centre forward against Barcelona in the European Cup. Has there ever been a greater act of cultural vandalism in the history of football? Apart from that first half at Upton Park this afternoon, obviously.

3.10pm Norwich's Russell Martin has nutted the ball against the bar at White Hart Lane.

3.11pm In topical news, look at this scissor kick from 1985!

3.12pm These are the latest scores in the Barclays Premier League sponsored by Barclays Bank. Whether you want a current account, a loan, or to save at Barclays we can offer what could be good for you. Learn more about what we offer at barclays.co.uk.

Swansea 0-0 Sunderland
Tottenham 0-0 Norwich
West Brom 0-0 Everton
Wigan 1-0 Stoke

3.14pm This is the kind of email I like, from Sasu Laaksonen. The subject is 'On that useless Bradley Johnson', and the email reads: "Bradley Johnson is the worst player in the league. Bar none." I'm sensing rancour.

3.15pm It's still Beauty 1-0 Beast at the DW Stadium, and it seems Beauty could easily have had a second penalty for a push of Franco Di Santo.

3.16pm It seems Swansea's Neil Taylor has suffered a serious injury in the match against Sunderland after a challenge with Craig Gardner. A stretcher and oxygen are being brought onto the field.

3.18pm Everton are dominating the match at the Hawthorns, according to Paul Merson. They looked seriously good at Villa Park last weekend, although Villa were so poor that it's difficult to judge just how good Everton were.

3.19pm Still no further news on Neil Taylor.

3.20pm "It must be as odd for West Ham fans to cope with success while playing in a style that goes against what most associate as their heritage of playing good footer on t' earth, as it is for Man City fans to not be able to enjoy misery," says Ian Copestake.

3.21pm "Re: Wigan's goal description," says Peter Crosby. "Is this what my life has been reduced to? Reading someone watching someone watching football? I thought technology was opposed to bring us closer to entertainment, not add two middlemen (no offence). I at least presumed you were seated in front of some sort of majestic Minority Report-esque screening system." Can I put 'middleman' on my CV? That's the nicest thing a reader's called me in years.

3.22pm Neil Taylor was indeed stretchered off while wearing an oxygen mask. It sounds like he has broken either his leg or ankle.

3.25pm "How did you miss Phil Thompson's description?" says David Johnston-Raw. "What were you doing? Keep up the good work." I can't remember.

3.27pm "I agree with you on Balotelli up to a point," says Niall Mullen. "But the rush to kick him while he was down at the end of last year by many pundits and fans (not you) verged on bullying. Many of the Premier League era greats (Cantona, Keane, Bergkamp) had more than a bit of the devil in them but they seemed a lot less vulnerable than the adopted kid who grew up to the whistles of racist abuse in Italy. Listening to his sister on the radio before the Euro final was heartbreaking as she declared her love for him and batted away the myriad Mario apocrypha usually accepted as factual. That's a very long winded way of saying give the kid a break."

I take your point – I actually quite like Balotelli, for what it's worth – but surely the point is that Cantona, Keane and Bergkamp were great players and thus their excesses were more tolerable? If you're going to pull stunts, you'd better be good. When Liverpool wore their cream Armani suits at Wembley, John Barnes said something like: "If you wear a suit like that, you'd better win." When, during that infamous Leicester La Manga booze-up in 2000, Ian Marshall phoned Martin O'Neill in the small hours to tell him he loved him, O'Neill apparently addressed Marshall while giving the whole team a bollocking the next day and said something like: "You haven't done enough in the game, son, to be calling me at 3am telling me you love me." By the same token, if you're going to have as much baggage as Balotelli, you'd better be worth it on the field.

3.31pm Norwich have been the better side at White Hart Lane, with Bradley Johnson blootering one just over from 25 yards.

3.33pm "The Spurs Norwich game is a bit crap at the moment," says Richard Hooker, "so I took the opportunity to have a squint at the Barclays privacy policy. It says 'If you have any questions about privacy at Barclays please contact the Barclays Privacy and Data Protection Team at 1 Churchill Place, London, E14 5HP.' Nice!"

3.34pm The latest scores in the Premier League.

Swansea 0-0 Sunderland
Tottenham 0-0 Norwich
West Brom 0-0 Everton
Wigan 1-0 Stoke

3.35pm "I take your point, yet (and this is a genuine question, not a rhetorical one) who'd you rather have filling in for Aguero – Mario or Dzeko?" says Phil Podolsky. "I still haven't decided where exactly to place Dzeko on the Big Man Scale between Ibra and Stefan Maierhofer..." Oh, Balotelli for sure. Dzeko is a donkey. But Aguero and Balotelli wouldn't have won the league; Aguero and Tevez did, in style.

3.37pm Not much is happening on any of my imaginary four screens showing today's matches.

3.39pm Ah, hang on, Stoke have a penalty at Fortress DW for handball by Maynor Figueroa.

GOAL! Swansea 0-1 Sunderland (Fletcher 40) Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens if you try playing football from the back? Ashley Williams is robbed by Steven Fletcher, who scores a classy debut goal.

GOAL! Wigan 1-1 Stoke (Walters 40 pen) Jon Walters scores from the spot at the DW Stadium to bring Stoke level.

3.43pm Marc Wilson hits the bar for Stoke at Wigan; at White Hart Lane, bionic goalkeeper Brad Friedel makes a stunning save from Robert Snodgrass.

GOAL! Swansea 1-1 Sunderland (Routledge 45) Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens if you try playing football from the back? Wayne Routledge has slammed in a fine equaliser for Swansea.

3.47pm It's half time, these are the scores.

Swansea 1-1 Sunderland
Tottenham 0-0 Norwich
West Brom 0-0 Everton
Wigan 1-1 Stoke

3.54pm Up-to-the-minute news: apparently Sunderland now lead Swansea 2-1 thanks to another goal from the debutant Steven Fletcher. The goal came in the seventh minute of added time, after the injury to Neil Taylor.

3.57pm "Agree with your points re Balotelli and the fact that his footballing ability simply does not 'even out' his antics," says Stephen Patten. "He seems to be one of these footballers whose personality overshadows his ability. He is a good player, no doubt and he was impressive in the Euros but does anyone really think he will become a great? And on that subject Rob (and Niall Mullen), please don't mention Cantona in the same breath as Bergkamp and Keane. A better player than Balotelli for sure but a victory for style over substance in the same vein. Only Utd fans rate him highly."

That's true, and I suppose some people might argue that United fans rate him highly because they watched him every week, saw him revolutionise the entire club, catalyse not one but two generations of title-winning players, win four titles out of five – one pretty much on his own – after the club had won none in 26 before his arrival, and start a relationship with those fans of such an enduring and spiritual nature that only the ignorant or envious would seriously attempt to compare it to any other in the history of football. That's what some people might argue, I suppose.

4pm "Isn't Balotelli's best position substitute?" says Gary Naylor. "Like a closer in baseball, his unpredictable play might be just what's needed to turn a game. There's also to advantage that he hasn't time to get bored or pick up a second yellow card." He does make things happen, as he did against QPR on that final day. He made the winner, of course, but he also gave City further momentum at 2-1 down with a couple of vicious long-range shots. He played very well that day.

4.02pm The actual half-time scores:

Swansea 1-2 Sunderland
Tottenham 0-0 Norwich
West Brom 0-0 Everton
Wigan 1-1 Stoke

4.07pm Moussa Dembele is on for Spurs at White Hart Lane. At Wigan, Franco Di Santo has made it Wigan 2-1 Stoke.

4.08pm "Can you please ask all the Balotelli fans to stop propagating the ridiculous lie that he did brilliantly at Euro 2012," says Jonathan O'Brien. "He started five games for Italy and played well in one of them, against Germany, where he converted two very straightforward chances with aplomb. He was dreadful in the other matches. If that constitutes having a brilliant European Championships, then I give up." Yep. It was a bit like Zidane at France 98.

4.09pm Fellaini was just sent back to the dressing room to change tape on his socks from white to blue, the ref starting the second half without him," says Allan Castle. "What. The. Eff."

I'm guessing somebody had their head flushed down the toilet at school.

4.13pm It's been confirmed that Neil Taylor has a fractured ankle. That's awful news for one of the league's best left-backs, and you'd imagine he'll struggle to play against this season.

4.14pm "Do you reckon Negrete's was better than Hughes's famous scissor kick from the same year?" says Martin Widdicks. "God bless YouTube. I only had a vague recollection of this goal's brilliance for many years. I'm sure you'll prefer the Hughes one..." Negrete's impromptu game of keepy-uppy is ridiculous, but then look how high Hughes gets. What the hell, I'll take them both to my desert island.

4.15pm Here's Jayan Eledath, who is watching a game. "Spurs seem to be playing some form of football-chess. Badly. There's much pondering of moves and possible future moves before the ball gets blootered upfield to the tiny pawn that is Defoe or crossfield to the tinier pawn that is Lennon. Maybe Harry's greatest trick was in figuring out that Spurs are really simple folk and can't be bothered with clipboards and tactics."

4.17pm Villas-Boas out!

4.18pm What is it with Spurs? Apart from 2009-10 they have started every season slowly since 2005-06. It might not be unrelated to their tendency to leave transfer business until 11pm on August 31.

4.19pm These are the latest scores, unless I've missed another goal.

Swansea 1-2 Sunderland
Tottenham 0-0 Norwich
West Brom 0-0 Everton
Wigan 2-1 Stoke

4.21pm In topical news, here's the greatest goal ever scored, from 1991.

4.22pm At least one career trapping Balotelli is in no danger of is the kind of myopic scrutiny Fabregas is subject to, when people notice only the blunders and the shockers, taking the good parts completely for granted," says Phil Podolsky. "His non-performance away to Chelsea last year generated so much more discourse than the tour de force in the Euro final where he quietly painted a picture of unplayability with off-the-ball movement so clever it deserved a PHD in the morphosyntax of some ancient language and close control to rival anyone in world football. Yeah?" What did we do before the internet?

GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Everton (Long 65) Peter Odemwingie's great cross is finished smartly by Shane Long, prompting hundreds of sweaty men to rip up their pools coupons in disgust.

GOAL! Spurs 1-0 Norwich (Dembele 68) Moussa Dembele has come off the bench to score a fine debut goal for Spurs.

GOAL! Swansea 2-2 Sunderland (Michu 66) Michu has equalised for Swansea with a cracking header. That's his fourth goal in three games for the club. He only cost £2m. Hashtagvalue.

4.29pm Right, so these are the latest scores.

Swansea 2-2 Sunderland
Tottenham 1-0 Norwich
West Brom 1-0 Everton
Wigan 2-1 Stoke

4.31pm Swansea have scored 10 goals in their first three league games; last year they scored none in the first four.

4.32pm Swansea are down to 10 men, with Chico sent off for a high challenge on Louis Saha.

GOAL! Wigan 2-2 Stoke (Crouch 76) After a slick 47-pass move, Jon Walters' looping cross is headed in by Peter Crouch to give Stoke a deserved equaliser.

4.35pm Benoit Assou-Ekotto tugs Norwich's Steve Morison. over in the penalty box. A clear penalty in accordance with the laws of the game, which can mean only one decision: play on!

4.37pm You want latest scores? I'll give you latest scores. I'll give you so many latest scores you'll never want to hear another.

Swansea 2-2 Sunderland
Tottenham 1-0 Norwich
West Brom 1-0 Everton
Wigan 2-2 Stoke

4.40pm If West Brom hang on to their 1-0 lead they will have seven points from three games, an exceptional start in view of their relatively tricky fixtures. In English football No2s generally haven't made good No1s, but Steve Clarke might be an exception.

GOAL! West Brom 2-0 Everton (McAuley 82) Chris Brunt's inswinging corner is headed in by Gareth McAuley, and as things stand West Brom are third in the league.

GOAL! Tottenham 1-1 Norwich (Snodgrass 85) It sounds like Norwich have deserved this, with the excellent Robert Snodgrass scoring the goal. For the second consecutive Saturday, Spurs have conceded a late equaliser at home.

4.44pm "Found a stream, watching online," says Peter Crosby. "Wonderful moment in the Spurs game as Norwich denied a clear penalty as BAE dragged down Morison by the shirt. Spanish commentators go mad: 'En Chile, en Peru, en Bolivia es un penal!!! En Argentina, En Brasil, en Colombia, es un penal clarissimo!!!!!!!! En todo el Sud Americo!!!! En todo el mundo!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hhhhhhhalsey!!!!'

Are you sure you're not watching The Fast Show?

4.45pm West Brom, says Paul Merson, are in "complete control" against Everton. That's such an impressive result given Everton's form coming into the game.

4.46pm The Spurs substitute Tom Huddlestone has been sent off for a dangerous tackle at White Hart Lane, and the consensus is that it was a poor decision from the usually excellent Mark Halsey.

4.48pm Swansea may be down to 10 men but they are all over Sunderland at the moment, pushing for a winner. It's almost as if their coach Michael Laudrup developed his footballing philosophy while playing for one of the most relentlessly attacking and swashbuckling teams in modern football history.

4.52pm An excellent game at the DW Stadium has ended Wigan 2-2 Stoke.

4.54pm "West Brom 5-0 Merseyside," weeps Everton fan Gary Naylor. At least you're officially one goal better than Liverpool, eh?

4.55pm It has finished Spurs 1-1 Norwich at White Hart Lane. An impressive result and performance from Norwich. Spurs are left to play catch-up yet again.

4.56pm As the game lurches from one end to the other in injury time at the Liberty Stadium, Michael Laudrup stands on the touchline with a big smile on his face. What a man. At the Hawthorns it has ended West Brom 2-0 Everton. For the time being, West Brom sit third in the table.

4.57pm Another fine game at the Liberty Stadium ends Swansea 2-2 Sunderland.

4.58pm That's the end of the hot 3pm action in the Premier League. Four games, 12 goals, a gold star for West Brom, Norwich and Steven Fletcher. These are the final scores.

Swansea 2-2 Sunderland
Tottenham 1-1 Norwich
West Brom 2-0 Everton
Wigan 2-2 Stoke

Thanks for your fanmail. Night.

Premier LeagueRob Smyth
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The Spin | Strauss's ending as England captain is a depressingly unbecoming one

The former skipper was the big brother who always looked after you. With him goes one of the great eras of English cricket

As a sports fan, you get used to saying goodbye. Heroes come and go in the time it takes to remove a bit of Blu-Tack. You become hardened, almost immune. Most of the time. Every now and then, a retirement hits you like a bullet in the back. Andrew Strauss's farewell comes into that category. The parable of the 2005 Ashes taught us that eras can end at a speed and in a manner that makes little sense; even with that knowledge, however, it hard to believe that it has come to this.

Strauss is a smart man who will have understood that, to adapt the old Enoch Powell quote, all England captaincy careers, unless they are cut off in midstream at a happy juncture, end in failure, because that is the nature of sport and human affairs. Yet this ending is depressingly unbecoming. A sad ending? Fine, that's the game. But not such a grubby one.

It is unfair to say this is entirely Kevin Pietersen's fault – the England captaincy gets everyone in the end, and Strauss said it was not a factor at all – but if he cannot see "Straussy's" blood on his hands, he has an even bigger lack of self-awareness than we feared. The fact half of Strauss's farewell press conference was spent discussing someone else was unavoidable but pretty disgusting. Et tu, KP?

Strauss has been one of the best things to happen to English cricket in the Spin's lifetime, a monument of unflinching decency and underestimated talent who has almost imperceptibly enriched our lives. If there is one word that defines Strauss's career, it is probably 'equilibrium'. He rarely dealt in sexy or showy gestures, and had no inclination to distinguish between Kipling's two imposters. He was a reassuring constant and a positive force for English cricket.

When England needed a calm head, Strauss invariably provided it. On the first day of the final Ashes Test in 2005, a cacophony of nervous desperation, Strauss made a century of indecent serenity. When English cricket was in disarray after the Pietersen-Peter Moores affair, Strauss and Andy Flower restored order with the minimum of fuss and then, well ahead of schedule, provided some unimaginable highs: consecutive Ashes wins, including a stunning first triumph in Australia for 24 years, and the ascent to top of the ICC Test rankings. Along the way there were seven consecutive home Test series wins and eight out of nine overall. Those were the times of our lives.

As with most men who lead England for an extended period of time, Strauss's career will be defined by captaincy rather than batting – even if, on a personal level, he had more champagne moments than you might think: a hundred on debut, four Ashes centuries, two in one Test in Chennai in 2008, a staggering catch to dismiss Adam Gilchrist in 2005, a huge hundred against India in the last World Cup and five man-of-the-series awards in Tests (an England record he shares with Graham Gooch).

Ultimately, a Test average of 40.91 does not do justice to his ability, but when a batsman takes the England captaincy he is aware of the pact he is making and the near certain long-term sacrifice of his batting average. By the end Strauss had become a specialist in nothing scores in the 20s and 30s, the telltale sign of a scrambled mind. Yet in his early days, when his head was clearer and his soul unwearied, Strauss was a thrilling player who used a minimalist game plan – cut, pull, drive – to devastating effect. As well as that hundred on debut against New Zealand in 2004, another sign of his supreme temperament, and struck five centuries in his first 11 Tests. Three of those came during a tough tour of South Africa in 2004-05, when he batted with almost regal authority.

When Strauss first came into the side he was known as Lord Brockett, with plenty of jokes about his background and public-school education. Sometimes he was painted as a harmless, almost buffoonish posh boy – another nickname in the England dressing-room was PT, and if we tell you the P stands for Posh you can probably join the dots – yet it soon became apparent that Strauss was as tough as they come. He did not exhibit that through raised voices or ostentatious gestures, but his authority was total. When he later became captain, he had a pool of players who, with one sad exception, would have run to the ends of the earth for him. One of the many reasons he had almost everyone on side is that he had no side to him.

"Strauss is one of those guys who demand respect," said Graeme Swann in his autobiography, "and on a daily basis you never really fathom why. He just does. He always says the right things, whether it be in team meetings or press conferences, and his word is never questioned."

He was a conservative tactician, though there are many who will argue vehemently that, in the modern age, this was emphatically a good thing. The most important element of Strauss's success as captain, however, was his character. At a time when masculinity is under scrutiny like never before, Strauss offered a seriously persuasive model of what 21st century man should look like: dignified, decent, proud, humble, equable, honest, fair, selfless, intelligent, inquisitive and deceptively charismatic. He was the big brother who always said the right thing, always did the right thing, and always looked after you. With him goes one of the great eras of English cricket.

• This is an extract from the Spin, the Guardian's free weekly cricket email. To sign up, click here .

Andrew StraussEngland cricket teamRob Smyth
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England v South Africa – second ODI as it happened | Rob Smyth

A stunning 150 from Hashim Amla took South Africa to a crushing win that put them top of the ICC team rankings in all three forms of the game

Preamble Hello. There were times during Friday's Cardiff rainwatch that it was tempting to wonder whether this would become the first five-match ODI series to end 0-0. But the sun is shining, the weather is sweet at the Ageas Bowl today, and even Mystic Maisie, our fragrant Palms and Tea Leaves Editor, is predicting 100 overs. Woop woop! Come on, woop with me now.

The match – or an unexpected thunderstorm or such ferocity as to threaten the space/time continuum and the world's most immovable toupées, never mind our chances of getting 100 overs – will begin at 1pm.

South Africa have won the toss and will bat first. That was a fairly straightforward decision on a surface that usually takes turn as the match progresses. The pitch is the reason England have broken the golden rule that you should never change a no-resulting team: Samit Patel comes in for Chris Woakes. That was a very late decision apparently. Poor Woakes. He waits a year for a recall and then gets dropped without facing, bowling or fielding a ball. Maybe his banter stinks or his armpits are unfunny or something. South Africa are unchanged.

England Cook (c), Bell, Trott, Bopara, Morgan, Kieswetter (wk), Patel, Bresnan, Swann, Anderson, Finn.

South Africa Amla, Smith, Elgar, de Villiers (c/wk), Duminy, du Plessis, McLaren, Parnell, Peterson, M Morkel, Tsotsobe.

Lucky ground department Everybody's favourite Irish genius averages 137 in ODIs on this ground. That's not all. Alastair Cook averages 91 here, Ian Bell 87 and Craig Kieswetter 61. So when they all get first-ballers and England lose by 347 runs, you know whose house you should burn down: Statsguru's.

In a hilarious development, it's raining. Dear me. I'll never speak to Mystic Maisie again. It's pretty light, however, so we should still start on time.

12.53pm Steve Pye has sent in his latest blog, which is about great commentary moments of the 1980s. In the spirit of which, why not nominate your favourite piece of cricket commentary? (With a link if possible.) The less obvious the better, although the instant serotonin of Johnners and Aggers is inevitably our first port of call. This also does unspeakable things to the spine.

Here comes the players. South Africa's opening pair in ODIs is Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla. If you think Amla is good in Tests, you should see his ODI record – his extraordinary average of 56.49 is the greatest in history among those from a Test-playing nation who has played a minimum of five ODIs. (Ryan ten Doeschate is above Amla but, brilliant player though he is, most of his games are against Associate sides.) That said, I can confidently assert Amla won't score 311 not out today.

1st over: South Africa 1-0 (Smith 1, Amla 0) Jimmy Anderson starts with an excellent over that costs just one run. There is plenty of movement in the air, and Graeme Smith is beaten by a lovely awayswinger fourth ball. As Mike Atherton says on Sky, in a Test match Smith can leave those deliveries all day, but here he has to force the pace and go after the ball even if England hang it wide of off stump. The fifth ball is a fine inswinger that Smith drags for a single.

2nd over: South Africa 3-0 (Smith 2, Amla 1) Steven Finn often starts with a very full length in ODIs, happy to invite the drive, but here he goes much shorter, jagging the ball back in to Hashim Amla. Two from the over.

"This has always been one of my favourites," says William Hardy. "Maybe it's because, as a flighty, mentally weak opening bowler myself, I always felt for him, and less to do with Mark Nicholas." Mark Nicholas had a sensational Ashes series in 2005. It's sacrilege I know, given that Richie Benaud was commentating at the time, but part of me wishes Nicholas had been on for the final ball of the Edgbaston Test. I wonder what he'd have come up with.

3rd over: South Africa 7-0 (Smith 5, Amla 2) Amla takes a tight single to mid off but gets away with it because of a slip from Frank Spencer's Samit Patel. Smith is beaten again on the drive. He is walking miles across his stumps to Anderson, so far that you can sometimes see leg and a bit of middle before the ball is bowled. Anderson and Smith have had so many fascinating duels since they first met in the Natwest Series in 2003, a hot young thing with a dubious haircut and an eerily mature 11-year-old who had just been made captain of South Africa.

In other news, William Hardy is the only person bothering to email me at the moment – harumph – but it's no problem when he delivers gems like this.

4th over: South Africa 8-0 (Smith 6, Amla 2) The sun has reappeared in Southampton. England's fine start continues with Finn angling one past Smith's outside edge and then having a shout for LBW turned down by Simon Taufel. There were doubts over height, line and where it pitched. That aside, as the old joke goes, it was close.

5th over: South Africa 11-0 (Smith 9, Amla 2) Anderson beats Smith again – does that thing have an outside edge – before being worked to leg, first for two and then for a quick single to Samit Patel. This has been a fine start from England.

"Why isn't Smith captain of SA?" says Elliot Jacobs. I'm not certain, but presumably just to keep him fresh for Test cricket, and also to ease the eventual succession at Test level. It's a miracle that he has done the Test job for almost a decade – look at the average tenure of England Test captains – even before you consider he was one-day captain for eight years. His resilience and longevity are awe-inspiring really.

6th over: South Africa 15-0 (Smith 13, Amla 2) There's the first boundary of the innings from Smith, muscled to the left of mid off. Finn knocks the stumps down during his bowling action later in the over, although it's not called dead ball by Simon Taufel. Four from the over. Amla has only faced seven of the 36 balls thus far.

"I've a special fondness for Athers commentating on Ricky Ponting's early dismissal at Adelaide," says David Hopkins. "I think it's to do with his uncharacteristic bark of excitement, and the way it softly echoed my waking up the neighbours at gone midnight."

7th over: South Africa 23-0 (Smith 13, Amla 10) Hardly any emails so far today. Was it something I said? I didn't mean to hurt you, baby. Amla hits the field with a couple of drives off Anderson and then inside edges a filthy slap just past the stumps and away for four. He ends the over with a more deliberate boundary, pinged decisively over midwicket.

"Here is Richie Benaud explaining what to do when landing on the ball," says Chris Bourne. "No commentator gives better value with fewer words."

8th over: South Africa 33-0 (Smith 23, Amla 10) Smith was starting to look frustrated after three more dot balls but gets some oxygen by crunching a rare poor delivery from Finn off the pads and through midwicket for four. He gets four more off the last ball, whapping a low full toss to the trusty midwicket boundary. Ten from the over and 18 from the last two.

"Richie's world-weary 'That's got to be rock bottom for Rick McCosker' (Old Trafford 77? Couldn't find it on YouTube/Robelinda) summed it up," says Jon Salisbury. Richie's disgust here is a thing of beauty.

9th over: South Africa 47-0 (Smith 32, Amla 15) Bresnan replaces Anderson and is edged right through second slip for four by Graeme Smith. There are 14 from the over in total, with Smith savaging a cut into the ground and up over Morgan at point for four more. Another snick through the slips, this time from Amla, brings another boundary. Sir Ian Botham isn't entirely impressed. After making 15 from the first six overs, South Africa have blootered 31 from the last three.

"What is amazing about this clip is how David Gower completely regains his composure," says Jon Dean. "We all know how painful this is, but he instantly sounds calm and reasoned. But then at least we do see him slapping Nasser, so it's nice to know he's not always in pure control."

10th over: South Africa 49-0 (Smith 33, Amla 16) Finn restores a bit of order with a quiet over that costs just a couple. "A quick question: what is the point of Craig Kieswetter?" says Ed Wilson. "This weekend Matt Prior proved yet again that he can play exciting aggressive cricket, so why not let him ply his trade in all forms? Or do we have a reciprocal agreement whereby we must include a lapsed South African in every team fielded…"

Prior has had loads of chances in ODIs and never really done it. That said, I was at Canterbury yesterday and he looked what he is, a class act who is getting better and better. He'll get another go at some stage I'm sure, but for now England think that Kieswetter is a developing young talent (his keeping has improved a lot) who has the rare and vital ability to hit sixes. He has hit 27 in 39 ODIs; Prior has hit six in 68. I don't know that it would be fair to drop Kieswetter at this stage.

11th over: South Africa 54-0 (Smith 35, Amla 19) If David Lynch made a film about an English cricket fan driven doolally in the summer of 2012 by his twisted dreams*, that dream would involve Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla scoring run after run after run. They milk five more from Bresnan's second over. SILENCIO.

* Mulholland Cover Drive! The Straight Bat Story! Spin Twin Peaks! Lost Highway Outside Leg Stump And Therefore Can't Be Given Out LBW! Honk! Honk? C'mon, honk with me now.

12th over: South Africa 59-0 (Smith 38, Amla 21) Graeme Swann has probably had a few nightmares about Hashim Amla in recent weeks, and now he's on to bowl at him. Amla – stop me if you think you've read this one before – gets across outside off stump to work the first ball for a single before Smith sweeps a two and a single. Amla drives the last ball to mid on for a single. At the moment it seems like he could play Swann with an imaginary stick of rhubarb.

"Is 'blootered' a real word," says Richard Mansell, "or one that you have just made up in boredom, hoping to attract emails from pedants like me?" Nothing to do with me.

13th over: South Africa 65-0 (Smith 38, Amla 27) Samit Patel replaces Tim Bresnan. South Africa are playing very well now, Amla in particular. When Patel gives him a snifter of width, Amla flays it through extra cover for four with such fast hands. Patel's response is a slightly scary jaffa that drifts onto middle stump and turns a long way past both the outside edge and the off stump. We guessed this pitch would turn but that went a mile – well, 6.7 degrees to be precise. South Africa have one specialist spinner and about eight part-time spinners in their side. If it keeps turning like that England might think about giving Kevin Pietersen a few oh.

"If I may broaden the scope to written commentary, I currently have Bull's OBO entry of that Ponting wicket pinned up by my desk," says Tom Hopkins. "That may, or may not, make me a Winner." Here is that memorable piece of Bullwork.

WICKET! Ponting 0 c Swann b Anderson (Australia 0-2) Ponting has gone first ball! I don't believe it! An unbelievable start for England! Ponting has gone for a golden duck in his 150th Test and England have gone wild. Stop the clocks! Hold the front pages! Shout it from the rooftops! Australia are in utter disarray! It was a lovely ball from Anderson, full and swinging away. Ponting prodded at it and the ball moved just enough to take the edge and shot straight to second slip where Swann took the catch.

14th over: South Africa 70-0 (Smith 41, Amla 29) Five singles from Swann's second over. After a slow start, South Africa have scored 45 from the last eight. "Not commentary per se but a brilliant clip from David 'Bumble' Lloyd talking about that moment," says Nick Barrett. "Still brings tears to the eyes."

15th over: South Africa 73-0 (Smith 44, Amla 29) Graeme Smith launches into an ugly but effective reverse sweep, swiping it just over short fine leg for a couple. The next ball from Patel beats him on the inside but doesn't quite turn enough to hit the off stump.

"I have sent many emails to you over the past 12 months on the subject of Bresnan, and how I believe he has been extremely flattered to play for England as much as he has," says Andrew Hurley. "I feel he is really being exposed now, and can't understand why they played him instead of Woakes, who has enormous potential, and is a genuine all-rounder." I'm sure it's not meant that way – tone can be misread with the written word – but that email almost sounds you're saying 'Told you so!' about something that hasn't happened yet.

16th over: South Africa 77-0 (Smith 46, Amla 31) England are waiting to take a wicket before they take their bowling Powerplay. At the moment it looks as if they will be taking the Powerplay sometime in the year 2016. Smith and Amla are in control.

"The greatest commentary of all has to be Bill Lawry's offering as Dean Headley ripped through the Aussie middle order during the 387 hour final session at the MCG in 1998," says Ali Walker. "'SIX FOR ONE FORTY! HICK TAKES THE CATCH; THIS GAME IS ALIVE AND KICKING!'"

17th over: South Africa 81-0 (Smith 48, Amla 33) Patel's third over is milked for four. Smith is dominating the scoring but Amla's strike rate is much higher, 94 to Smith's 72.

18th over: South Africa 86-0 (Smith 50, Amla 36) England have taken the bowling Powerplay now. They badly need a wicket and inviting attacking strokes might do that. Bresnan returns, as usual during a Powerplay, and his first over back costs five runs. The last of those brings Smith to an important fifty from 70 balls.

19th over: South Africa 89-0 (Smith 52, Amla 37) I spent most of that over from Samit Patel trying to calculate approximately how much of my life I have spent OBOing the middle overs of a one-day international. I'll be back with you just as soon as I can see through the tears.

"No emails… well I only just remembered there was a game on," says Damian Sefton. "Just imagine if we'd cashed these five ODIs in for a test. Sigh." Too right. We'd have given South Africa a serious dead rubber kicking in that dead rubber, no question.

WICKET! South Africa 89-1 (Smith c Kieswetter b Bresnan 52) Tim Bresnan makes an important breakthrough for England. Smith, on the charge, top edged a roundhouse blow miles in the air, and Kieswetter ran back a fair way towards the boundary to take a very well judged catch.

20th over: South Africa 95-1 (Amla 42, Duminy 1) Dean Elgar was down to come in at No3 but in fact it's JP Duminy. Amla opens the face to glide Bresnan for four. This bloke secretes class.

"Not intended to be a told you so at all, no interest in that," says Andrew Hurley. "I do have an interest however in getting this vastly overrated player out of the England teams with so much bowling talent around. In 2012, Bresnan's Test average is 46.56, and his ODI economy rate is 5.45 (Finn 4.01, Anderson 4.57). His continued, almost assumed selection, makes little sense and doesn't, unfortunately, reflect particularly well on Flower/Selectors." Against that, his ODI average this year is better than Anderson's (he bowls in the batting Powerplay so will inevitably have a higher economy rate) and his overall Test average is better than both Anderson's and Stuart Broad's. This is without mentioning his batting. Look, I can't be bothered having this discussion, in truth. I like him, you don't like him, Andy Flower likes him a lot. That's about it really.

21st over: South Africa 99-1 (Amla 45, Duminy 2) Amla is dropped by Kieswetter! It was a sharp chance, as they all are standing up to the stumps, and Kieswetter didn't get down quickly enough. He might have done better as it was only a thin edge. There is another near miss later in the over when a delivery stops on the pitch and is looped just short of point by Amla. Patel has bowled nicely thus far and has figures of 5-0-20-0.

"The most vivid commentary I remember is from long back," says Jerry Dawson, "that over from Holding to Boycott on TMS. I haven't heard it again since, but even at the time it was obvious that it was something a bit special. I'd watched the Test the previous summer at Old Trafford and could imagine that massive silent run-up starting from near the boundary, the ball moving so fast it was invisible to the spectator before suddenly it clapped into keeper Murray's hands. And he'd be stood damn near on the opposite boundary. It was terrifying just to see or hear, I can't imagine what it would be like to face that (without even a helmet!)." I'm not sure what all the fuss was about.

22nd over: South Africa 101-1 (Amla 46, Duminy 2) Anderson replaces Bresnan. A back-foot drive from Duminy is saved brilliantly by Morgan at backward point, and there's just a single from the over.

"Classic commentary: 'done him between the legs,'" says Nagarjun K. "Benaud on Warne bowling Basit Ali." That was such a brilliant dismissal. He did between the legs and between the ears.

23rd over: South Africa 104-1 (Amla 47, Duminy 4) "Yes, that is about it 'really', but there is little point in me or anyone else writing in to debate something if that is the riposte..." says Andrew Hurley. I did think about knocking up a quick 800-word piece on how I learned to stop worrying and love Tim Bresnan, but I'm quite busy with this match. There is a discussion as to what extent Bresnan's cheese sandwich influences opinions of his worth as a cricketer, but it's difficult to do that in the middle of a match. I'm not entirely sure what your point is. You think he's crap, fine. But all you offered was a couple of statistics which were so obviously not representative of the full story that it took about 0.4 seconds to find a pair of statistics with which to respond.

REVIEW! South Africa 105-1 (Duminy not out 4) England have wasted their only review. The ball from Anderson to Duminy that prompted a big LBW appeal clearly pitched outside leg stump, and therefore the fact that Duminy was plumb in front was completely irrelevant. But Anderson and Kieswetter convinced Alastair Cook to go for the review, and now England have no reviews left. There's a moral in that story, kids.

24th over: South Africa 112-1 (Amla 48, Duminy 8) Duminy gets his first boundary with a pristine extra cover drive that teases and beats Patel on the cover boundary. "Is Brian Close the hardest sportsman ever?" says William Hardy. "I remember when I was a kid reading a story about him fielding at short leg and someone pulling a ball that ricocheted off his helmetless head and went for 4. Being a mere slip of a lad of 28, he was way before my time, but he appears to have been, for want of a better phrase, 'nails'." He would definitely make a Joy of Six: Hard Sportsmen. I reckon if Brian Close and Dave Mackay had started an arm-wrestle in 1967, it'd still be going on now.

25th over: South Africa 118-1 (Amla 50, Duminy 12) Amla reaches a typically soothing half-century from just 54 balls, with five fours.

WICKET! South Africa 121-2 (Duminy run out 14) Jimmy Anderson had a bad Test series in the field but he's back to his best here. Amla flicked the new bowler Swann into the leg side and set off, thinking it was past Anderson at square leg. It wasn't. Anderson smoothly stopped the ball, got to his feet and threw it to Kieswetter, who broke the stumps with Duminy halfway down the pitch.

26th over: South Africa 121-1 (Amla 51, Elgar 0) The new boy Dean Elgar is the new batsman. "Speaking of batsmen with superhuman one-day averages, I give you Michael Bevan who finished his ODI career with an average of 53.58 from 232 matches," says SB Tang. "With four needed to win off the last ball in a one-dayer against the Windies at the SCG in 1996, Bevan drove Roger Harper straight down the ground for four to send a nation into delirium. Here's Bill Lawry's commentary. That's when the one-day game peaked in Oz. The moment was so iconic that the then ACB (now Cricket Australia) and Channel Nine replayed it endlessly in cricket ads for the better part of the following decade."

27th over: South Africa 124-2 (Amla 53, Elgar 1) Ravi Bopara comes into the attack. He has a fine recent record with the ball in ODIs and took four for 47 in the recent Australia series. With Elgar feeling his way into international cricket, Bopara's first over is a quiet one that goes for three singles.

"The finest piece of Benaudian understatement," says Matt Biss, "is clearly 18 seconds in to this clip." Haha, that is fantastic.

28th over: South Africa 128-2 (Amla 56, Elgar 2) Amla premeditates a lap for a couple of Swann. Kieswetter ran to leg, realising what Amla was going to do, but couldn't quite get in position to attempt what would have been an amazing catch. A bit like this one.

29th over: South Africa 134-2 (Amla 57, Elgar 7) Elgar gets his first boundary in international cricket, dragging a poor delivery from Bopara round the corner for four. "This Elgar chap," says Jason Streets, "is a bit of an enigma." No.

30th over: South Africa 141-2 (Amla 63, Elgar 8) Amla slog-sweeps Swann disdainfully for four and then flicks uncomfortably close to Morgan to midwicket. There's a half chance off the last delivery when Amla takes an iffy single to Anderson round the corner. He would have been out with a direct hit at the bowler's end but the ball whistled past the stumps. South Africa are in a fine position now – even just a run a ball takes them to a competitive 261.

"Right, can I just double check that moral from England's failed review?" says Matt Dony. "Is it to 'Always make the right decisions'? If so, yes, you're right. I'm glad someone finally had the courage to say it." What can I say? Where angels fear to assert the bleedin' obvious, I rush in.

31st over: South Africa 144-2 (Amla 66, Elgar 8) Elgar is going a little slowly, with eight from 18 balls. It's always difficult when you're playing your first innings in international cricket to balance the needs of himself and the team. KP struggling at Taunton," writes Jason Streets.

38th over: South Africa 191-3 (Amla 87, de Villiers 18) Six from Finn's over.

39th over: South Africa 196-3 (Amla 92, de Villiers 18) Amla launches a slower ball from Bresnan high over mid off for four to move into the nerveless nineties. England thought they had him strangled down the leg side next ball, but the umpire Rob Bailey disagreed and so did Hotspot. Bopara makes a fine stop at short midwicket later in the over when de Villiers gets medieval on a short ball from Bresnan.

40th over: South Africa 205-3 (Amla 99, de Villiers 20) This time Amla really could have been taken down the leg side. He walked across to Finn and flicked the ball very fine, but Kieswetter couldn't hold a low chance to his left. That's his third drop of the day and probably the least difficult. An ingenious uppercut from Amla beats Bresnan on the third man boundary and takes him to 98, and a single to mid on takes him to within one of yet another century. Much more of this and 2012 will be remembered as the English summer of Amla (and wet shoes). South Africa will be very pleased with that batting Powerplay, with brought 48 from five overs.

In ostracised genius news, Kevin Pietersen has made a century for Surrey at Taunton.

41st over: South Africa 212-3 (Amla 105, de Villiers 21) Amla drives Patel down the ground to reach a simply marvellous century from only 96 balls, his 10th in only 59 ODIs. There's an increasing sense that we might be watching one of the all-time greats here, a contender to bat alongside Kallis and Pollock in the middle order of an all-time South African XI. Amla is still only 29 and is going to score an indecent amount of runs in the next seven or eight years. He's a batsman whose serene certainty crushes a bowler's soul by the time he's reached 20 or 30. A decent knock in his next Test innings will make him, for a time at least, the only man in history to average over 50 in Test cricket, ODIs and first-class cricket. He can do brutality, too, and when Patel drops far too short he is slaughtered over midwicket for four.

"The fact that you had to ask inherently means that bag is already a no-go," says Sam Hedges. "About 22 I reckon FWIW." I was going to say 35 but it's the same difference. I'll stick to Millets.

42nd over: South Africa 218-3 (Amla 108, de Villiers 24) A rare mistake from Simon Taufel. de Villiers top edges a reverse sweep at Swann onto his shoulder, from where it loops gently into the hands of Kieswetter. Simon Taufel says not out, however, and because England tried that optimistic review against Duminy earlier on they have no reviews left. England have the face on, Swann in particular, but it's their own fault.

"That's a great bag," says Martin Sinclair. "I'm turning 40 this Saturday (aaiieeee!!!), so the 72 on the front could represent the year of my birth, so I reckon I could get away with it – not as a fashion item but as a memory aid. Therefore, 40 is the age limit for that bag."

43rd over: South Africa 226-3 (Amla 114, de Villiers 25) Here comes Jimmy Anderson. Anything above 280 will be a really stiff target. South Africa might even get 300 here, if de Villiers goes mad. Amla doesn't need to go mad; he quietly destroys attacks, and has just shown remarkable wristwork to flick Anderson behind square for four. There was a vacancy for international cricket's resident rubber-wristed genius when Murali retired. It's fair to say that vacancy has now been filled. Amla has 114 from 104 balls.

"My 15 year old daughter would love that bag," says Howard Fairbrass. "When worn by anyone older than say 28 proceed with caution. Unless you work or live in Shoreditch, sport an ironic beard and ride a fake fixed bike badly in which case the age limit would appear to be about 40."

Pinstripes do look great – see Richie Tenenbaum – but once you get to a certain age you have to accept it's over and that, with the possible exception of work shirts, you've sported your last pinstripe. No more pinstripes for you.

WICKET! South Africa 230-4 (de Villiers b Swann 28) Swann gets his man this time. De Villiers was beaten by a change of pace and almost yorked himself as he charged down the track. That's a lovely piece of bowling. Swann's Test form isn't great but he continues to do extremely well for England in both limited-overs forms.

44th over: South Africa 232-4 (Amla 116, du Plessis 1) "Not a good time for Kieswetter to be dropping catches is it – what with Prior battering the door down?" says Rory Taylor. No it's not. He's actually kept pretty well for England this summer but has had a poor day today. I feel a bit sorry for Kieswetter, who has played almost every match for England with his place under scrutiny in the media. In that regard he's almost a spiritual successor to Paul Collingwood. I suppose they're a bit like John Cusack when he goes out with Charlie Nicholson in High Fidelity. The men who never got comfortable.

45th over: South Africa 243-4 (Amla 123, du Plessis 6) Amla helps a piece of rubbish from Anderson to fine leg for four, which takes him to 3000 runs in one-day internationals – and he has reached that milestone in 57 innings, 12 faster than the previous record holder, Sir Viv Richards. That, and his career average of 58.88, are staggering statistics. Anderson's eighth over disappears for 12, with Faf du Plessis hustling a cracking pull stroke to the midwicket boundary.

"Isn't that the sort of bag that Nathan Barley would carry?" says Toby Blake. "Maybe it's just because I'm an old geezer, but I find there's something truly dispiriting about retro fashion. Or any fashion, for that matter, but retro is the worst of all. Bowler hats though, I wish they'd come back."

46th over: South Africa 248-4 (Amla 125, du Plessis 8) A very good final over from Samit Patel goes for five, so he ends with figures of 10-0-47-0. "The Beard Liberation Front has said that Hashim Amla's century in the one day international at Southampton today following his triple century in the Oval Test has led to him being awarded the accolade of Cricketing Beard of Summer 2012," says Keith Flett. " BLF Organiser Keith Flett said there has been nothing to match Amla's beard on the cricket field this summer. By contrast follicly challenged England have struggled."

47th over: South Africa 261-4 (Amla 138, du Plessis 9) The preantepenultimate over of the innings costs 14. A low full toss from Bresnan is slugged over midwicket for four by the magnificent Amla. The next ball brings a beautiful piece of cricket. Amla walks across his stumps, looking to whip to leg; Bresnan sees him coming and throws it wide of off stump; so Amla changes his stroke at the last minute to steer it past Kieswetter for four. "Oh brilliant!" exclaims Mike Atherton on Sky. What an innings this has been.

"What do people make of Strauss' decision to play only one county match before departing for India?" says Oliver Smiddy. "Surely playing this week for Middlesex would have been more beneficial, given his abject recent form, than a few extra days' gardening/reading James Anderson's autobiography, "Jimmy: My Story". According to the man himself, the cover (the author brooding at the camera) 'looks great'." I thought it was the right decision. He looked shattered mentally by the time he padded up to Philander, and the need for a break surely outweighed the need for any time in the middle. Not least because a failure would have brought more media scrutiny, and a century would have been belittled because it wasn't in a Test match.

As the budding Poirots and Poirettes among you may have suspected, we've had major technical problems for the last couple of hours. Something about an 'invalid bean definition'. No, seriously. We're very sorry about the lack of updates, and if you contact our commercial department they will refund the 120 minutes you have just spent pressing F5 and cursing Rob Smyth's indolence.

To the match. England are currently 73 for two from 15 overs, chasing a stiff target of 288. Alastair Cook had technical problems too: he fell over a very full-length delivery from Essex's finest, Lonwabo Tsotsobe, and was bowled second ball for nought. Jonathan Trott made 23 before falling to an outrageous catch at long leg from Dean Elgar. Ian Bell was dropped early on, a difficult leaping chance to the keeper AB de Villiers, but has since played some fine strokes.

South Africa's total of 287 for five was largely down to Hashim Amla's stunning 150 from 124 balls. Who says you need to hit sixes in one-day cricket? Amla didn't. There were 16 fours, three threes, twelve twos, 53 singles and only 41 dot balls. The thing is: you do need to hit sixes in one-day cricket, unless you have wrists to die for. This was a very very special innings.

WICKET! England 77-3 (Bell b Peterson 45) I told you Bell was playing well. He has gone to a good delivery from the left-arm spinner Robin Peterson that turned past the edge to hit the stumps as Bell pushed defensively down the wrong line. Bell made a good 45 from 41 balls, but England are in trouble now.

16th over: England 77-3 (target 288; Bopara 6, Morgan 0) Stop me if you think you've read this one before: it's probably Morgan or bust for England. "Been stinking busy at work so have't had a chance to check the OBO all day and get home to find find it's frozen," says Phil Sawyer. "Having fun? Techie types frantically unplugging and plugging wires? Smoke billowing from the keyboard? You locked yourself in the toilets and threatening to go postal if it isn't fixed soon?"

WICKET! England 90-4 (Bopara c du Plessis b Peterson 16) Oh Ravi. Naughty Ravi. Silly Ravi. Bopara has just thrashed a long hop from Peterson straight to short extra cover, and England are in all sorts of trouble now. In fact they're in almost as much trouble as our publishing system, which is down again. Sorry.

Right, this appears to be working again. I know. England are now 117 for four from 23 overs, needing 171 from 27 overs.

WICKET! England 118-5 (Kieswetter c Smith b Elgar 20) Every time our publishing system returns to life, England lose a wicket. Craig Kieswetter has fallen to a fine delivery from the left-arm spinner Dean Elgar, which turned sharply to take a thin edge as Kieswetter attempted to turn to leg. AB de Villiers couldn't react sharply enough to take the catch but managed to basically punch the ball in the air and that allowed Graeme Smith at slip to catch the loose ball. Kieswetter made a decent run-a-ball 20, including the only six of the match off JP Duminy.

24th over: England 118-5 (Morgan 9, Patel 0) The ball is turning a fair way for South Africa's army of spinners, and I'm not sure even Eoin Morgan can get England out of this.

25th over: England 121-5 (Morgan 11, Patel 1) Our publishing system is going up and down faster than Basil Fawlty's moose. Sorry. England need 167 from 150 balls, aka a minor miracle.

26th over: England 127-5 (Morgan 12, Patel 6) Patel works Elgar classily against the spin for four. In other news, look at this beast of a delivery from Sylvester Clarke.

27th over: England 127-5 (target: 288; Morgan 12, Patel 6) A maiden from Ryan McLaren to Samit Patel. We're still having a few problems I'm afraid. As are England, who require 161 from 138 balls. "I saw The Poirettes in Dalston last night," says Eamonn Maloney. "They were shit."

28th over: England 135-5 (target: 288; Morgan 16, Patel 7) An unplayable delivery from Elgar turns, grubs, misses Patel's off stump by a whisker and goes between de Villiers's legs for three byes. Elgar has turned it more than anyone else in this match.

"I know it's not cricket but any OBO that asks for favourite commentaries has to mention the late, great Sid Waddell," says Simon McMahon. "His line comparing Eric Bristow to Alexander the Great is worthy of Shakespeare - 'When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer ... Bristow's only 27!'" Oh aye. Sid Waddell is the only sports commentator who has made the word 'genius' seem inadequate.

29th over: England 143-5 (target: 288; Morgan 17, Patel 14) Patel clouts a slower ball from McLaren through extra cover for four. Eight from the over. At the other end Morgan has played pretty carefully, making his 17 not out from 31 balls. I suppose he knows if that he goes England cannot win the match, so he is taking as long as possible to get used to this tricky pitch.

"One of the best bits of commentary I ever heard was by Ian Smith, a great commentator sadly underused, at the Oval in 2003," says Eddie Leman. "After Martin Bicknell bowled a few balls across the left-handed Jacques Rudolph, Smithy started getting excited, exclaiming that it was all part of a plan, and that Bicknell was about to bring an inswinger to the party, that Rudolph would attempt to leave it, and that he'd be bowled or leg before. Seconds later, Bicknell did precisely that and bowled him. Mark Nicholas immediately went into an exuberant eulogy of how it was "one of the finest pieces of commentary you are ever likely to hear". Unfortunately I can't find a clip. Instead, how about this one of Mark finding a very poor gag from KP extravagantly funny."

30th over: England 146-5 (target: 288; Morgan 20, Patel 14) The new bowler Tsotsobe draws a leading edge from Morgan that somehow has enough power to drop safely over mid off, and then Patel chips one a fraction short of midwicket. One more wicket now would surely finish the game because England only really have Bresnan and Swann to come.

31st over: England 147-5 (target: 288; Morgan 21, Patel 14) Morgan digs out a fine yorker from the new bowler Parnell, who then forces Patel to duck under a sharp bouncer. Just one from a good over, and that leaves England needing 141 from 114 balls.

Hello. Me again. Remember me? The cricket bloke. You missed four wickets during our latest interruption: Eoin Morgan holed out off JP Duminy, Tim Bresnan and Graeme Swann made ducks, and Jimmy Anderson – who, in an endearing homage to the darker days of 2009, was at the crease when England took their batting Powerplay – has just been run out.

England's last pair are at least going down swinging. Steven Finn blootered Morne Morkel for three consecutive fours in the previous over, and now Samit Patel has launched Robin Peterson for 16 from three balls. Good lad. The crowd are roaring like it's Headingley '81. Well, Lord's 2012 anyway. Who says losing has to be depressin'?!

SOUTH AFRICA WIN BY 80 RUNS. England 207 all out (Patel c de Villiers b Morkel 45) Samit Patel is caught behind off Morne Morkel to complete a crushing win for South Africa. They have battered England, and in doing so become the first side to top the ICC Team Rankings in all three forms of the game. Who's choking now? South Africa are looking down on the rest of world cricket. This match was decided by a lordly innings from Hashim Amla, whose 150 was almost three times the next highest score on either side, Graeme Smith's 52. Thanks for your emails; sorry for the farce; see you on Friday for the third ODI. I'll leave you with this email from professional hooter Simon McMahon.

"I know you're not one to blow your own trumpet, Rob, but your commentary between the 47th over of the SA innings and the 16th over of England's reply must rank alongside anything you've ever done. Hoot!"

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The Hard Sell: Peugeot 208

'Throughout the advert he wears only a pair of bright yellow shorts and shows himself how life should be lived'

Popular culture has given us some memorable alter egos, from Killer BOB in Twin Peaks to Fight Club's Tyler Durden. Now we have the star of the new Peugeot 208 advert. (We don't catch his name, so let's call him the Peugeot Pervert.) It begins when a complete loser (the side parting, grey cardigan and empty face are a giveaway for students of physical characterisation) finds a human-shaped package. It's not his daughter, wrapped in plastic, but the unfettered version of himself, who has 'I AM YOUR BODY' tattooed on his otherwise naked chest. Throughout the advert he wears only a pair of bright yellow shorts – a look that has you hoping he'll bound into the nearest working men's club, endeavouring to spread the love – and shows himself how life should be lived. When the original geek dithers over holding hands with a beautiful lady in a restaurant, our intrepid sexgeek appears, mistakes her arm for a steak and tucks in accordingly. Sexgeek also takes his uninhibited self for a bungee jump, puts off a basketball player attempting a crucial shot and then rolls up in a brand new Peugeot 208. The slogan? Let Your Body Drive. It's true: every loser wins, once he buys a Peugeot 208. The advert could be Fight Club meets Revenge Of The Nerds with an R Kelly soundtrack. His mind's telling him no, but his body, his body's telling him yes. The whole thing is so insatiably jaunty that you can't help but wonder: what has this fella got under his patio?

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