Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 71
June 21, 2011
June 20, 2011
June 19, 2011
June 18, 2011
June 17, 2011
politics and cricket
"Sport and politics don't mix".
They don't have to mix, they're so incestuously intertwined that they are both permanently in a state of coitus. Right now they are going at it behind closed doors, in public view and also while driving on a highway.
Politics and cricket are awkward and passionate lovers. Because cricket is not a club sport, politics can't help but hump away at cricket. Cricket pretends it doesn't like it, without ever trying to fully leave it either.
The UK government policy on whether cricket ends up on free TV or Pay TV may change cricket in England for years, and the decision isn't going to be made by cricket officials.
When Katich was dropped Stephen Smith, the defence minister (not a ropey leg spinning prospect), used his political muscle to try and stop the mass genocide being perpetrated on West Australian cricketers, apparently even the ones who play for NSWales.
Sharad Pawar works for the ICC and John Howard tried to.
In Pakistan the quickest sprinters in the country are those senators who are racing to a podium to denounce all their cricketers as fixers.
The Sri Lankan women's team have been recruited into the armed forces because the cricket board couldn't find a sponsor for the team. South African selectors have to deal with politics when selecting a team and Cardiff got an Ashes test based on a lot of Welsh government money.
It happens everywhere, on many different levels. Politics can even be a good thing for cricket, then a bad thing, then a terrible thing, then a divisive thing, then an ok thing and finally a meh thing.
They are definitely a thing in cricket.
I could just point out that politics in Sri Lanka are so involved that the sports minister needs to ratify the Sri Lankan captain before he officially has the job.
Or even suggest how unlikely it is that Sanath Jayasuriya just wanted to make one more comeback and the selectors thought it would be great to have him back.
The Sri Lankans who are hopping mad over on youtube, which is a great place to hop madly, are disappointed I brought politics into cricket and mocked their President.
Well, he was in cricket, and thusly mocked by me.
He could have simply ran his country in any sort of way he wanted, he could have named a cheese after him, made all men grow a moustache and started an acapella group that only covered Liberty X.
I don't spend much time mocking the New Zealand Prime Minister (quick google search) John Key. As far as I am aware he doesn't make his ministers ratify who the captain of their team is, and no one is expecting Martin Crowe's comeback to end in test cricket with one final goodbye tour.
If President Rajapaksa wasn't involved in cricket, I wouldn't mention him. Even John Howard, who I despise in every sense, wasn't the subject of intense mockery on here until he dared stick his infectious beak into cricket.
No one can bring politics into cricket, they're already here.
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the two chucks at the rose bowl
Even if you don't want to watch this episode, it is worth checking out the comments on youtube.
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June 11, 2011
andre the russell
There is something about Andre Russell, and yesterday just reminded me of it. If you are still undecided about him, I put a list together of Andre's awesomeness.
Andre has a mohawk, well its more like a modern style fashionable mohawk, but it's definitely not a fauxhawk, at worst it is mohawklite, which is still pretty cool.
This mohawklite glistens amazingly well when he is bowling.
Andre is W less. Andrew Russell would be a rubbish name for a big hitting all rounder.
He seems to actually like playing cricket, .
Wears a silver necklace, not a gold one, it makes all the difference.
Is athletic and keen in the field, moves to the ball like someone who was invented for the purpose.
When he has a good game, it's hide your kids, hide your wife good. He doesn't just burn your house down, he cluster bombs every house in your neighbourhood, releases a pathogen in your city and then goes house to house with a gas mask on with a home made ax to hack up any survivors (before taking a break and watching his team mates help save the city and rebuild the houses).
Sometimes pretends to be pulling out of a ball only to then go through with it, it's a Keyser Soze delivery.
Clicks his heals together after taking a catch.
Has the highest score ever made in an ODI batting at 9.
Bowls really well to left handers, sure its becuase he falls over at the crease, but there are a lot of left handers in the world for him to fall over for.
When he hits the ball, it stays hit. Unlike other cricketers, who hit the ball but after a while the ball just stops being hit. When Andre hits the ball it stays hit forever.
Is cricket with balls own.
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June 10, 2011
Katich cuts well
I was going to write a post here about who I would have sacked before Katich. Then it got serious. Then it got wordy. Then I uploaded it at Spin.
After I wrote it, I went and listened to Simon Katich's 20 minute press conference.
Katich speaks far more eloquently than he ever batted. However, like his batting, it's the counter attacking that is what's best about this.
When he says, "I know how they operate" that's a dig at Cricket Australia being cowardly, opportunistic and slimey, but he doesn't call them any of that. It's subtle, but far better than any of his awkward nudges to the legside.
Then he says that Sachin Tendulkar was written off a few years ago by one of our selectors. Wow. Grag Chappell is now in hospital getting Katich's foot removed from his ass.
There's obviously more on the selectors, because he has just been dropped and he is clever and articulate enough to savage them quite well. Because it's on the selectors where this could come off as a what about me douchjuice, that he doesn't is a work of art, 17 men squad, part timers and the spinning carousel make this a wonderful effort. The way he spreads the love so it's not just about him as a work of art.
You could imagine some players with Katich's past coming out and stating that Michael Clarke was involved because of the old sing sing choke choke situation from a few years ago. Katich could have used that, but no, he'd rather deflect that and let others think about it.
I don't agree with everything he says, especially when it's that Australian cricket selection has always been about performance at shield level. That wasn't the case for Steve Waugh, Ian Healy, Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath or Michael Clarke's selection who were all picked on potential.
But that's the good thing, you can disagree with his points and be of the opinion that he should have been dropped, but you can't argue that he has exposed Cricket Australia's lower points that they often pretend aren't a problem.
King James Sutherland has already disagreed with some of this, but you can't spin what Katich has said, because the people are on his side and in his press conference he didn't make the mistakes that most players do.
People have called his comments angry, and they are, but this isn't some rant, the man sounds calm and calculated, which is like how he batted, and all of this make his comments all the more trustworthy.
Cricket Australia have been cut open beautifully by Katich, which is ironic, but he never played a beautiful shot on the field.
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June 9, 2011
Revenge of the Krab
There was once a time when Simon Katich choked Michael Clarke for not celebrating a win long enough.
Now he has been told he is not required or good enough to get into the list of best 25 cricketers in the country.
According to some media outlets, he's angry.
I bet he is.
I imagine he has made a list, and those on that list will be dealt with in an ugly yet effective way.
Simon Katich's death list may never be found, but in the next few weeks we may start hearing stories like this.
David – found naked in a bathtub having been force fed 52 cans of beer, still in the can. Boon's body is a lumpy mess, and his moustache has been carved off his face with a knife.
Jamie Cox – a corpse is found in a local men's hairdressers having been stabbed with tiny blunt scissors over 18614 times. It doesn't make the national news.
Andrew – a transsexual prostitute corpse is found in a lawfirm office, it's been strangled, or shot, no one is sure, and the story keeps changing.
Greg – the head of a man is found, near by is a wide bring hat with razors on the brim.
Michael – the body of a man is found at a trendy cafe on a sydney beach, it's quite clear to officials that it's been choked by an Australian flag.
Personally I think Katich should have been dropped, but if I ever meet him or have any contact with him at all I'll tell him that his dropping was the biggest mistake I've seen by Australian selectors, then I'd buy him a beer and tell him how I used to troll some cricket blog who used to make fun of him.
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June 8, 2011
Wronger Than A Wrong Thing
I'm disgusted, embarrassed and outraged.
The game that I love, that we love, should never have come to this.
Surrey County Cricket Club have announced that, for Monday's game of hit and giggle cricket, they will be employing the services of walk on girls.
That's right, they are going to employ barely dressed ladies to walk to the crease with an incoming batsman. Quite simply, such gimmickry has no place in the modern game. I know that T20 cricket is all about being different and entertaining the crowd, but this is ridiculous.
To put it bluntly, I'm offended. I'm offended for me, I'm offended for you and I'm offended for everyone involved in cricket everywhere.
In this day and age there is simply no basis for suggesting that, without female assistance, a mere man cannot find his way across a piece of cut grass and find a piece of even-more-cut grass in the middle of it. It is a disgustingly sexist presumption and Surrey CCC should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
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