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Episode 55: 14 Big Ideas from the Becoming Who You Are Podcast

This episode is a summary of some of the big ideas we’ve discussed on the Becoming Who You Are podcast so far. I’ve been lucky enough to talk to some wonderfully wise and experienced people over the past few months, so I wanted to take the time to highlight some of the top ideas and lessons guests have shared.

Here’s a summary of the 14 big ideas:

Big idea no. 1: Rejection fires up the same neurons in our brain as physical pain, and consequently it feels very similar. When we’re aware of this fact, and the fact that it’s a very human experience that we all go through many times during the course of our lives, we feel less alone in our experience and are better-equipped to handle feelings of rejection when they come up. ~ Episode 48 with Dr Joel Wade and episode 49 with Dr Guy Winch

Big idea no. 2: Many of us have physically and chronologically grown up but we’re still in a place emotionally where we’re acting on limiting beliefs that we’ve internalised from other people during childhood. Journaling each day is instrumental in exposing limiting beliefs and giving ourselves space to process and rewrite them. ~ Episode 37 with Mari McCarthy

Big idea no. 3: Part of self-acceptance is being able to accept that there are days when we won’t feel self-accepting. Although it might seem counter-intuitive, it’s important not to get into a cycle where we end up beating ourselves up because we’re not as self-accepting as we might want to be. ~ Episode 38 with Anne-Sophie Reinhardt.

Big idea no. 4: It’s important to embrace the idea that who we think we will be and what we think we’ll want in the future are very different to who we actually might be (and what we might actually want). ~ Episode 40 with Marianne Cantwell

Big idea no.5: When we can deal with uncertainty, we open ourselves up to a lot more opportunities. In the long-term, the way to deal with uncertainty is to show ourselves that we can trust ourselves to follow through. ~ Episode 40 with Marianne Cantwell

Big idea no. 6: Busyness is not a virtue. The value of the work we do lies not in how much we do or how long we spend on it, but the meaning it provides to ourselves and others. ~ Episode 43 with Jake Desyllas and Stephanie Murphy

Big idea no. 7: If you have a big dream, turn it into an experiment. This takes some of the pressure off and helps us think of creative ways to get to where we want to be. ~ Episode 45 with Marthe Hagen

Big idea no. 8: When we feel resistance to doing something, it’s much more helpful to acknowledge it and ask ourselves “Why?” than it is to simply avoid it. Taking the time to ask ourselves why we’re feeling resistance is often the breakthrough we need to move forward. ~ Episode 53 with Nathan Ohren

Big idea no. 9: Two of our most common barriers to getting what we want in life and self-sabotaging are people-pleasing and self-doubt. We can overcome these barriers through self-reflection and action. ~ Episode 52 with Ashley Wilhite

Big idea no. 10: We don’t necessarily have control over what happens in life but we do have control over how we respond to it. ~ Episode 48 with Dr Joel Wade

Big idea no. 11: When we’re feeling overwhelming/escalating emotions, it helps to step back and focus on the physical sensations rather than trying to label the emotion. ~ Episode 48 with Dr Joel Wade

Big idea no. 12: Think of your thoughts like the images you put up in your home. We hang pictures of happy memories and the people we care about because they generate positive feelings. The same goes for our thoughts and the images in our heads, which is why practices like gratitude are so important. ~ Episode 48 with Dr Joel Wade

Big idea no. 13: Whenever we try something new, we need to get comfortable with being a beginner. ~ Episode 47 with Emilie Wapnick

Big idea no. 14: The things that we struggle with most now and the biggest pain points can become opportunities for us to serve and give back in the future. ~ Episode 54 with Kendra Tanner

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              Related StoriesEpisode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra TannerSelf-care: An Important ReminderAre You a Busy-holic? How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Overwhelm and Reclaim Your Life 

Self-care: An Important Reminder

Hello friends! Today we have a special guest post by Joanna LK Moore from Twisted Sleeve. If you’d like to submit a guest post, I’d love to hear from you! Click here for more info.

While for most people outside of the world of personal development, the idea of taking time out of your day to look after yourself might sound absurd, those of us who live in the world of personal development are so used to the concept of self-care that we actually feel shame when we don’t practise it.

But, despite my being a lifestyle design junkie, and believing that looking after yourself is one of the most important things you can do, I often feel alienated by a lot of self-care advice. And I worry that I’m not the only one who feels like this.

THE PROBLEM WITH SELF-CARE ADVICE

Hopping from blog post to blog post, a newbie to the world of lifestyle design could be forgiven for believing that self-care consists solely of taking bubble baths, doing meditation, practising yoga, attending spa days, perfecting morning routines, and dressing in floaty, white clothing, and quickly decide that self-care isn’t for them.

While most people in this world seem to appreciate beautiful language and calming photographs, I love advice that’s straight to the point and written in everyday language, with the odd joke thrown in. As a result, I often feel like blog posts about self-care aren’t meant for me and reading them is hard work.

It’s the same with self-care practises. While most people who practice self-care seem to enjoy bubble baths and are calmed by meditation, I’m bored by those things. I’m better off with a colouring book and a pair of running shoes.

Neither of us is wrong; we simply have different tastes. And that’s why I’m concerned – by using the same examples of self-care practices over and over again, this world is putting off people with different tastes. Rather than bringing more people to self-care, it’s pushing them away.

It also puts pressure on us to persevere with practices that just don’t work for us. It leaves people like me feeling confused and sometimes even beating ourselves up when we just can’t get into practices which we “know” should work. It alienates some of us.

While, deep down, we all know that self-care doesn’t mean meditation and massages alone, it’s worth reminding ourselves every now and then of what self-care actually means and that the forms it takes are as varied and diverse as we are.

WHAT SELF-CARE IS

Going back to basics, self-care isn’t about actions; it’s about feelings. Hannah explains this perfectly:

“Self-care is not about taking yourself out for manicures, Columbian waxes or whatever the latest fashion trend is at the time of reading. It’s about meeting your needs.”

Self-care is about giving yourself what you need to feel good. And while we’re all human and therefore all need the same basics – healthy food, water, movement, etc. – beyond that, we’re all different. Because we’re all different, what feels good to us all is different.

While getting lost in a book might calm you down, it might agitate your ten-year-old brother. While your granddad might love gardening, instead of pulling out weeds, you might find yourself pulling out your hair. While painted nails might make your mum feel beautiful, they might just cause you to worry about accidentally scratching the paint off.

Just as there isn’t only one way to be human, there isn’t only one way to do self-care.

For me, self-care includes:

Making things that I don’t need to make, like birthday cards
Going for runs
Giving myself permission to not socialise
Colouring in
Writing in my neatest handwriting
Choosing to wear short skirts and make-up on some days and baggy jeans and hoodies on others

Your self-care routine will be completely unique to you and no one can tell you what it should look like. To find out what works for you, rather than reading about others’ self-care routines and copying their approaches, simply pay attention to what feels good to you. Ask yourself what you get excited about and what calms you down. Look to your interests for inspiration. Don’t just copy others’ ideas.

So this is my plea: Don’t do something because you have heard that it’s good for you, or because it’s what all your personal development friends do. Do things because you know they’re good for you.

 

Battling her British social awkwardness, Joanna L K Moore (Jo) runs Twisted Sleeve, where she helps shy girls get the confidence they need to do whatever they dream of doing. A multipotentialite through and through, Jo’s also a content manager, a support worker, an illustrator athey, there blogger, and a writer currently working on the second draft of a young adult novel. You can find out more about Jo here.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/twistedsleeve


Twitter: www.twitter.com/joannalkmoore

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              Related StoriesThe Secret Ingredient That Helps Me ThriveIntroducing: The Thriving Blog Tour!Episode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra Tanner 

Are You a Busy-holic? How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Overwhelm and Reclaim Your Life

Last week, I wrote about six ways that being busy can ruin your life. Among other things, I talked about how being busy isn’t the same as being productive, how it encourages us to seek external validation, and, most importantly, how it doesn’t make us happy.

This week I want to throw out a few antidotes for all the busy-holics out there. As a recovering busy obsessive myself, these are things that I’ve tried and tested (extensively) and I hope they’re helpful to you too.

1. Explore your beliefs

Explore what “busy” really means to you. What needs are you trying to meet? What feelings or experiences are you trying to create? Common reasons we buy into the social glorification of busy include wanting to feel worthy, important, valued, and like we’re making a meaningful contribution to the world.

Know that these are all very human things to want to feel. We’re conditioned to believe that busy work will bring us closer to these experiences, but it doesn’t.

We might also be seeking avoidance; perhaps there’s something in our lives or ourselves we’d rather not face up to. It’s much easier to overbook your schedule than it is to have time to reflect on a relationship that’s not working out or that creeping feeling you’re in the wrong career.

Give yourself permission to be honest. Explore the areas of your life where you might be a little lacking in the needs, feelings, or experiences that are important to you, and compensating through being busy. Show yourself compassion for the things that you’d rather avoid thinking right now.

Knowledge is power, and once we’re aware of why we’re falling into the busy trap in the first place, we’re in a much better position to avoid it in the future.

2. Ignore the naysayers

Many of the people around us have bought into the glorification of busy, and they won’t find it easy to see you challenging that paradigm. As I wrote last week:

Just because something is convention doesn't mean it's right.

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Wherever you are in life, you want people around you who will support and encourage your growth. If you find yourself feeling pressured by other people to stay on the hamster wheel, it’s OK to distance yourself from that pressure (and even the people) while you figure out what you want and need in your life.

3. Remember that it’s not about you

I’m a big believer in the idea that the most meaningful projects are those that allow us to use our skills to have a positive impact on other people’s lives. That kind of work is fulfilling and, at times, takes us way outside our comfort zones. When resistance kicks in, it’s easy to fill our days with “stuff” (ahem, Facebook) to avoid doing the things that would promote our growth.

Part of the reason I recently put out a call for an intern is because I know where my skills lie: I’m much more helpful when I’m coaching people (something that I love and that has a tangible effect on other people’s lives) than when I’m sitting in my bat cave doing behind-the-scenes stuff (something that I’m not particularly good at and that has no tangible effect on other people’s lives).

Shifting the focus from myself to others has quadrupled my awareness around what counts as busywork, and what feels meaningful (and therefore more enjoyable). Take your ego out of the equation and focus on whether what you’re doing is a reflection of how you can have the biggest positive impact on others. No? Ditch it or delegate it. Yes? Keep doing that.

4. Schedule unscheduled time (and stick to it)

As I’ve been interviewing lovely souls for From Coping to Thriving over the past few weeks, a theme that’s come up repeatedly is the fact that a big part of self-care is about creating space.

Scheduling unscheduled time (and, most importantly, honouring that commitment to yourself) sets boundaries around your busy. When we talk about boundaries, we usually do so in relation to other people. But here’s the truth:

The biggest challenge in setting boundaries is usually with ourselves.

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If you’re willing to give yourself permission to do whatever you want to do during your unscheduled time, it becomes a window of opportunity to experiment, re-connect with what really gets you out of bed in the morning, and to learn to just be.

5. Make space for your non-negotiables

Non-negotiables are daily activities that help us feel at our physical and emotional best. They might include things like getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, exercising, getting outside and experiencing nature, meditation, or a wide variety of other possibilities. The activities themselves aren’t as important as how they make you feel.

Once you’ve identified what these activities are, they become one of your top priorities for the day. Other things might shift in your schedule to make room for additional commitments or deadlines, but not these babies. Non-negotiables are the foundation of your self-care and self-connection.

6. Embrace what you really enjoy

Here’s my truth: I love intelligent, analytical movies and literary works of genius. I also love tongue-in-cheek crime drama and page-turner thrillers. For years, I denied myself these things, with the justification that I should be spending my leisure time on something more useful. But, you know what? I enjoy them, and that’s what really counts.

There is no “right” antidote to busy. It’s a personal decision, so do whatever encourages relaxation, enjoyment, and play in your world.

What are your suggestions to combat the glorification of busy? Leave a comment and share your wisdom.

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

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The post Are You a Busy-holic? How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Overwhelm and Reclaim Your Life appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

              Related StoriesThe Secret Ingredient That Helps Me ThriveIntroducing: The Thriving Blog Tour!Episode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra Tanner 

The Secret Ingredient That Helps Me Thrive

From Coping to Thriving is a six-week journey that will teach you how to turn your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive. This post is part of the Thriving Blog Tour, which is spreading self-kindness to the masses. To learn more and join us, click here. 

As I’ve reflected on my own (long and meandering) journey towards thriving, one key ingredient stands out as the defining feature that has helped me shift from coping to caring:

The belief that I am capable of meeting my own needs.

In this post, I want to share a little more about my journey, what changed, and what I’ve learned as a result. It feels important to mention that I’m still on this journey now (and maybe always will be). The key ingredient that has changed my perspective, however, has been learning to recognise that I don’t need to rely on coping strategies—I am totally capable of meeting my needs myself.

My Journey

For most of my life, I sought external approval and needed daily validation, otherwise I’d feel my sense of purpose and worthiness start to slip. I followed what people said I was good at, rather than what I really enjoyed. In my early 20s, I felt frustrated with my situation (I had no real sense of who I was or what my purpose was in life), but, at the same time, I didn’t trust myself to create a life that was meaningful, fulfilled, and happy. Consequently, I waited for someone to come and—for want of a less clichéd way of putting it—rescue me.

Of course, as anyone who has become stuck in that holding pattern knows in hindsight:

No one is coming to save us. It's up to us to create the lives we want.

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But I didn’t get that at the time, and when these mysterious people who were somehow going to meet my needs for me didn’t appear, I turned to coping strategies.

A lot of coping strategies.

My personal brand of coping ranged from socially acceptable, even encouraged, behaviours like drinking too much and smoking, to socially very unacceptable behaviours like self-harm and a codeine addiction. Not to mention multiple facial piercings (11, to be precise).

False starts and new directions

Things started to shift in 2007. In the beginning, it was other people’s opinions that led me to change my behaviour. My then-boyfriend became frustrated and anxious about my self-harming and frequent medicating, and asked me to stop. Walking to work in Camden Market one day, a woman tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, and she said “Oh, never mind.” When I asked her what she’d wanted, she said that she was a model scout, but that “You can’t have all this“, she gestured around her face, referencing my piercings, before turning her back on me.

Even though I had developed my coping strategies to mask feelings of pain, rejection, and loneliness, they were actually causing more of these things: more strife, more heartache, and more self-loathing.

So I started changing them. I took most of my piercings out, I stopped self-harming, and I felt the sense of lightness and relief that comes with drawing a line and saying “enough”. Even though I initially did these things as a continuation of my desire for external validation, in the process I realised that even without these coping strategies, I was OK.

In fact, I felt more like me.

This was around the same time that I became interested in personal development and starting reading Alice Miller, M. Scott Peck, and Carl Rogers. As I learned more about psychology, development, and authenticity, I started to question why I was doing the things I was doing, and I started learning about things that hadn’t even been on my radar before, like empathy and self-care.

Slowly, but surely, my motivation to thrive changed from wanting to please others to wanting the best for myself. Over the next four years, I started shifting my coping strategies one by one and, in the process, became a very different person.

And that’s where I am now. Do I still feel the urge to use coping strategies? Yes. But my strategies now are far more benign than they used to be, I feel better equipped to respond to what life throws at me in a healthy way, and I trust that I will make the best choices for myself.

What I’ve learned about Thriving

1. Thriving is based on trusting that we can meet our own needs. We don’t need other people to come rescue us, we don’t need chemicals, stimulants, or anything that alters our emotional state to survive. We’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

2. We think that feeling precedes action, but really it’s the other way around. I needed to take a leap of faith and act as though I could trust myself to meet my needs before that trust actually existed. Counter-intuitive, but true.

3. Thriving is not a linear process. We don’t reach a point where we’re like “oh hey, I’m thriving now” and that’s it. It’s a lifelong journey based on our day-to-day decisions. It involves twists, turns, relapses, learning, and living consciously.

4. Even when you’re in the darkest hour of the deepest feeling, it will pass and you will be stronger as a result. Sitting with ourselves and with our (very human) discomfort is hard. Pouring another glass of wine, heading to the fridge, or lighting up another cigarette is a lot easier. The more we learn to sit with these feelings, however, the more we actively engage in hearing and understanding them, the less intense they become, and the less we feel the need to rely on coping strategies.

Again, it’s a question of trust: trust in ourselves to meet our own needs, trust in ourselves to deal with life’s challenges, and trust in ourselves to create a life based on not just surviving, but thriving.

No one cares about our happiness as much as we do.

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It’s up to us to create a life that reflects this.

 

Today is the last day to register for From Coping to Thriving. Join us before 12am EDT on the 1st and make this the year that you learn how to truly take care of yourself. During this six-week course, you’ll learn how to transform your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive. 

Click here to learn more.

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

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              Related StoriesIntroducing: The Thriving Blog Tour!Episode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra TannerHow to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or Sick 

6 Ways Being Busy Can Ruin Your Life

It’s time for a pep talk.

It’s been a long time coming, and we both know why:

This obsession with being “busy”.

I get it: we’re brought up to believe that being busy is virtuous. If we’re not busy, we’re lazy, and that’s bad. Playing is for children, not grown-ups. Now, it’s time to fill our days with serious business.

So we do what we can to busy ourselves, and we hope that this will be enough. We try it for a while, but we don’t feel enough.

So, still believing the story that busy-ness is good, we busy ourselves with even more things in the hope that one day we’ll reach a “busy-ness critical mass” and will magically feel fulfilled, accepted, loved, and at peace with our place in the world.

We wait, and wait, but that day doesn’t come. And, in the meantime, we’re missing out on so much good stuff in life. The tiny, seemingly insignificant moments that we end up carrying with us for years, the beauty of connection, the thrill of freedom.

We sacrifice what really counts to perpetuate this myth, when the truth is:

Our level of busy-ness has nothing to do with our level of worthiness.

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Here’s why it’s time to stop the glorification of busy:

1. Busy does not equal productive

If I had a pound for every time I’d spent a day being “busy” and had very little to show for it at the end… let’s just say I’d never have to be busy again ;)

We all know this principle deep down, so I’ll keep this section short: busy and productive are two entirely separate things.

We’re brought up with confusing and entangled notions about what these two terms mean (more on this later), but the fact is that busy is about how much you’re working, while productive is about how smart you’re working.

2. Busy is all about time-span, while fulfilment is all about service

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, we’re all striving to feel fulfilled. When it comes to fulfilment, however, being busy is the last thing you want to be focusing on.

Fulfilment comes from service and making a difference. It’s about providing value and making the world a little bit better. Our society functions on the law of reciprocity. If you expect a lot from the world and aren’t doing anything to add value back into the world (despite being “busy”), then it makes sense that you’re not going to feel worthy.

Instead, focus on the stuff that is going to have maximum impact and maximum benefit for minimum output. And if you find yourself falling back into old ways of working? Remember that just because something is convention doesn’t mean it’s right.

3. It encourages you to seek external validation over self-trust

Give me a sec to put on my amateur psychology hat before I hypothesise: this is a total throwback to the conditioning we received in school.

We’re used to being praised for putting our heads down and working on pointless crap like algebra or building a wigwam replica out toilet roll holders and string. And, if we finish out particular piece of PC before the rest of the class, we’re either given more PC to do, or we have to sit in silence. Basically, the school experience sets us up for a lifetime of working hard, rather than a lifetime of working smart.

As adults, most of us are unconsciously waiting for someone to come and tap us on the shoulder and say “You know, I’ve noticed that you work really hard. Here’s a gold star and an A for effort”.

In reality, being busy as adults gets you nothing: no gold star, no genuine acceptance, just more opportunities to be busy (it also gets you stress, strife, relationship problems, time away from your kids, vacation time spent recovering from burnout, and that feeling of never quite being able to keep up with the crowd, but I’m assuming those are not things you actually want.)

4. The wrong kind of busy stifles our play

Switching my amateur psychology hat for my woo-woo hat, we all have an inner child. And guess what? That child needs play.

When we spend all our time being “busy”, we lose an outlet for our creativity, we get caught up in our ego, and we act as though being busy is the sum total of what our lives are about.

Really, it’s just one part of our lives. And when we pour all our time and energy into that one part and neglect the others, we’re shutting off vital parts of ourselves, we’re neglecting key needs, and we’re setting ourselves up for a life of half-baked misery.

5. It can mislead you into thinking that you’re a better person

I am the first one to admit that I have had the thought: “I’ve been pretty bad about staying in touch with X and returning their calls recently, but it’s OK because I’ve been busy.”

No! Not OK. As Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And how are the people around you going to feel if you’re busy all the time?

Being busy doesn’t make you a better person. You know what does?

Being a better person.





- Gaining self-knowledge and awareness.


- Reading number 2 in this list and taking action on it


- Shifting your focus from what you need to do to who you want to become


- Being there for the people you care about


… and so many more things that have absolutely no relationship to “busy”

6. Being busy doesn’t make you happy

TRUST ME, I have been down this road more times than I care to admit. Here’s a chance to learn from my mistakes.

You probably know the script:

When I succeed with this next goal, then I’ll be happy.


When I finish this project, then I can relax.


When I reach that target, then I can take my foot off the gas.

It’s ye olde “When I have ______, then I’ll be happy” formula.

The problem with this formula is that happiness is a process rather than a destination we reach when we’ve done a certain amount in our lives. Happiness is a combination of living our values, having meaning and purpose, surrounding ourselves with people who share or support our values and purpose, and so much more.

It’s something we create each and every day, and that can start right now.

But for that, you need time and space to think, to get creative, to explore possibilities. You need to let go of “busy”, turn your focus inwards, and experience what it’s like to be you—lumps, bumps, and all.

When we glorify busy, we rob ourselves of the chance to be happy.

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Next week, I’ll share some suggestions around how we can reclaim our lives from the curse of busy. Until then, if this resonates with you, I highly recommend checking out From Coping to Thriving, which starts this coming Tuesday (4/1). Register before 12am EDT on the 1st and make this the year that you learn how to truly take care of yourself. During this six-week course, you’ll learn how to transform your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive. 

Click here to learn more.

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

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The post 6 Ways Being Busy Can Ruin Your Life appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

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Introducing: The Thriving Blog Tour!

Connection and growth are two of my core values, which is why I’m delighted to announce that today is the first day of the Thriving Blog Tour!

The blog tour is running between 24th (today) and 31st March and features 15+ thinkers and writers discussing the topics of self-care and thriving in life. During the next week, you’ll be able to read two or three new posts on the topic of thriving in life each day. We already have two awesome pieces from Ashley Wilhite and Alicia Johnston live on the page and more will be following over the seven days.

Here’s what you can do to make the most out of the blog tour:

1. Go here to view the live and upcoming posts.

2. Read the available posts, bask in their wisdom.

3. Write down your biggest takeaway from each post, plus the action you’re going to take as a result of this newfound knowledge.

4. Follow as many of the Thriving Blog Tour participants on Twitter as you can—that way you can keep track of the great work they’re doing in the world.

5. Hit me and the other writers up (on Twitter, via email) and let us know what you think of the tour so far. If you’re on Twitter, don’t forget to use the hashtag #Thriving so other people can search for your tweet too :)

Finally, if these posts leave you feeling inspired to thrive in more areas of your life, I invite you to join me for From Coping to Thriving, which starts on April 1st. This six-week journey will help you stop doing the things you know aren’t good for you and provide support as you become a healthier, happier you. Click here for more info and to register.

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

The post Introducing: The Thriving Blog Tour! appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

              Related StoriesEpisode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra TannerHow to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or SickHow to Overcome Shame Around Self-care 

Episode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra Tanner

This episode of the podcast is an interview with food coach Kendra Tanner. The interview is an exclusive guest interview from my upcoming course, From Coping to Thriving, however I wanted to share it with you here too because I think the topics we cover are relevant to many of us yet very under-discussed and usually shrouded in shame.

Listen to find out:

The key to a healthy emotional relationship with food (clue: it’s surprisingly simple!)
The root causes of comfort eating
How our relationship with food can replicate our relationship with life—and how this can be an opportunity for growth in areas outside our relationship with food
Why patience is so important as we begin to heal our relationship with food
Kendra’s top four practices and tools that you can start using today to heal your relationship with food

Your relationship to food is reflective of your relationship to life. - Kendra Tanner

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Useful Links

Love Food, Love Life – Kendra’s private Facebook group where you can explore your relationship with food and your body.

The Daily Love by Mastin Kipp

Say Hello

Kendra:


Facebook: www.facebook.com/kendratanner121

Hannah:


Twitter @becomewhour


Facebook: www.facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare


Website: www.becomingwhoyouare.net


Email: hannah@becomingwhoyouare.net

Subscribe to the podcast

 

Do you want to hear more interviews like this? If so, I invite you to take part in From Coping to Thriving. During this six-week course, you’ll learn how to turn your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive. As well as extra bonuses, you’ll get access to exclusive guest interviews on how to change habits in a self-caring way, meditation, managing energy, and more!

The course starts on April 1st. Click here to learn more and sign up.

 

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

The post Episode 54: Healing Your Relationship with Food with Kendra Tanner appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

              Related StoriesHow to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or SickHow to Overcome Shame Around Self-careHow to Switch from Coping to Caring 

Becoming Who You Are is Looking for an Intern. Will it be you?

I’m looking for a passionate, ambitious, and visionary intern to help me spread the message of self-kindness even further.

The internship will be for one day a week and will last for three months initially.

What were you doing in spring 2010? I was starting this blog. I sat in my tiny studio in Hackney, London, picked a (in retrospect, cringeworthy) free WordPress theme and started posting about the thoughts and ideas I was processing at the time. A couple of friends read it, but it was mostly for me.

Back in 2010, I had no idea that the site would be what it is today (nor did I have any idea that I’d be travelling half the year, in a great relationship, or doing something feels totally aligned with my life vision and purpose—personal development is powerful!). It’s been a windy road with many ups and downs, but I’m so excited about where Becoming Who You Are is heading.

Most of this growth has happened in the past year. With your help, imagine where we could take this in five years, ten years?

Imagine the impact you’d have on people’s lives: self-kindness is about making the most out of our limited time on this planet, but it’s not just about us. Imagine if everyone was 10% kinder to themselves, then went out into the world and passed on that extra 10% of kindness to the people they interacted with, from their kids, to their colleagues and friends, to the guy who pumps their gas. Then imagine that those people go out and pass on that 10% extra kindness to everyone they come into contact with…

I believe in this movement. And I’m reaching a point where I can’t do the things I’m itching to do and serve this community on my own anymore.

If you believe in it too, I need your help.

It’s time to take this show on the road and create a crack team of self-kindness ninjas—maybe including you?

Your benefits:

Access to me and everything I know
Experience of what it’s like to be part of a small and growing business designed to make a difference in the world
Personal and professional development, including the odd coaching session
The ability to work from anywhere you want
Learning. A lot of learning. About yourself, about self-kindness, about entrepreneurship, and about what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilling life.
And, if being a ninja isn’t quite your thing, you get to pick your own job title.





What you’ll be doing:

Helping me with social media updates
Creating graphics for social media and the BWYA site
Uploading content to WordPress and helping it reach as many people as possible
Editing MP3s (and possibly videos)
Dreaming and scheming for Becoming Who You Are’s future





Who You Are

You’re committed to your own personal development
You’ve experienced the power of self-kindness in your own life and are passionate about spreading this message to other people
You’re proactive and focus on action over perfection
You’re creative and aren’t afraid to dream big
You’re deeply focused on serving people and adding value to the world
You know how to use WordPress, edit audio, and work your magic on social media
You have 7 hours per week available to focus on this project
You do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it
You embody what we talk about here at BWYA (kindness) and you know how to communicate that to other people

None of this is set in stone right now. I want to hear what you have to offer and what you think you can bring to the team.

If the idea of being a self-kindness ninja evokes a “hell yes!”, send me your answers to the following questions at hannah [at] becomingwhoyouare [dot] net (helpful hint: authenticity and realness are biiiig plus points):

1. Why are you interested in becoming part of the BWYA team?


2. How do you embody self-kindness in your own life?


3. What’s one thing you’ve accomplished in your life that you’re proud of? And why?


4. What useful skills do you have that you could contribute to the BWYA team? (social media, content writing, audio/video editing, coding, design, etc…)


5. What vision or ideas do you have for Becoming Who You Are in the future?

If you’re a good fit, I’ll contact you to set up a chat. If you make it onto the team, get ready to have a world of possibilities in front of you.

The position will start out as unpaid and will initially last for three months. I’m running this program to meet people who I can employ in the future, so we’ll review how it’s going once the first three months are up. In general, the more value you bring to the company, the more value you’re likely to get back.

Changing the whole world starts with one person making a decision to change their world. If that’s you, email me at hannah [at] becomingwhoyouare [dot] net with your responses to the above questions.

I look forward to connecting with you :)

The post Becoming Who You Are is Looking for an Intern. Will it be you? appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

              Related Stories12 Quotes for A Better Relationship With YourselfHow to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or Sick3 Self-Kindness Practices that Take 5 Minutes (or Less) 

12 Quotes for A Better Relationship With Yourself

A dose of inspiration for you today: here are 12 quotes for a better relationship with yourself. Use them as journaling prompts, meditation points, or simply write down the quotes that resonate and stick them where you can see them.

“Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves.”


- Nathaniel Branden

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”


- Swami Sivananda

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. - Buddha

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“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”


- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.”


- Albert Einstein

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.”


- Edwin Elliot

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”


- Anatole France

“I wish I could show you, When you are lonely or in darkness, The astonishing light of your own being.”


- Hafiz

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”


- Thich Nhat Hanh

When we are no longer able to change a situation—we are able to change ourselves. - Viktor Frankl

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“Wouldn’t it be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. The deeper you love yourself, the more the universe will affirm your worth. Then you can enjoy a lifelong love affair that brings you the richest fulfillment from inside out.”


- Alan Cohen

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.”


- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do these quotes resonate with you? If your answer is yes and you want to take your relationship with yourself to the next level, I invite you to take part in From Coping to Thriving. During this six-week course, you’ll learn how to turn your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive.

Click here to learn more.

 

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

The post 12 Quotes for A Better Relationship With Yourself appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

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How to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or Sick

When I asked people through Facebook and G+ when they found it most challenging to be kind to themselves, a couple of people responded that, for them, the biggest challenge was when they were tired and/or sick.

I’ve certainly found exhaustion or illness to be two of the biggest barriers to self-care for me. Combine that with the fact that I find it hard to ask others for help and to give myself permission to slow down, and I can (and have) ended up feeling miserable, anxious, and overwhelmed instead of focusing on self-care.

Over the last few years, I’ve had to deal with a condition that, at times, has barely affected me at all, and, at others, has caused me so much pain that I’ve fainted, experienced extreme fatigue, and a range of other unpleasant experiences. Learning to go with the flow and be kind to myself whatever my body throws at me has been a big challenge but, after many ups and downs, I feel like I’m getting there. Here are some ideas that I’ve found the most helpful:

Recognise that there is no “right” way to feel.

How you feel right here, right now is how you feel. Remember that you can’t change your feelings, but also bear in mind that your physical state will affect how you feel emotionally too. Some days you might feel optimistic, ready for action and inspired. Others, you might feel drained, sad, and frustrated.

How you feel doesn't matter as much as accepting how you feel.

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Avoid the unkindness cycle

One of the most unhelpful things we can do when we’re feeling under the weather physically is to get get into a cycle of being unkind to ourselves then berating ourselves for being unkind to ourselves.

Take a step back and use the phrase “I notice I’m…” to get some distance from the cycle and focus on your awareness of what’s happening, rather than getting caught up in the middle of it all.

Remember that being sick or tired isn’t a flaw

This is one of the most challenging beliefs I’ve had to overcome: that, because I’m not in 100% optimal health all day every day that there’s something inherently wrong with me (beyond something physical).

This grew out of years of negative experiences: doctors looking at me and sighing like I was just there to waste their time and telling me that I just needed to do some light exercise (when I already commuted around London by bike and went to the gym three times a week), employers making loaded comments about the fact I was off work yet again, and being surrounded by people who just didn’t understand what I was experiencing.

As I’ve focused more on self-kindness rather than feeling like I need kindness from other people, I’ve realised that being sick or tired isn’t bad or good, it just is.

When we’re tired, we’re tired. When we’re sick, we’re sick. That’s all there is to it.

Work out whether there’s anything you could do differently next time to prepare and anticipate.

If you’ve been working yourself to the bone and, as a result, are completely exhausted and getting sick all the time, what needs to change? If you know that certain things make a chronic illness worse, how can you avoid them?

I recently read Turning Pro by Stephen Pressfield. Although the book is ostensibly about work, the area of life in which it resonated most with me was my health. When it comes to my health, I’ve been behaving like an amateur. I want to be able to do what everyone else is doing and get away with it and, over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had to face the fact that I don’t have the same kind of body as everybody else (and who is “everybody else” anyway? Self-limiting belief alert!).

When it comes to health, an amateur waits until there’s an emergency to start looking after themselves. The pro realises that consistent care is the key to avoiding emergencies and enjoying a better quality of life overall. The pro prepares.

Ask yourself: what is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now?
And do that.

Is it to nap? Great.


Is it to watch a movie? Fab.


Is it to acknowledge you feel tired and/or sick but also that you’ll feel a lot better when you plough through XYZ task and can relax, knowing it’s done? Also fine.

The question I use in these situations is: what is my future self most going to thank me for?

And do that.

If you want to be able to find ways to fit self-care around your busy schedule, I invite you to take part in From Coping to Thriving. During this six-week course, you’ll learn how to turn your coping strategies into self-caring behaviours, leaving behind struggle and learning to thrive.

Click here to learn more.

Thanks for reading. If you know someone who might be interested in this post, please share it using the buttons below.

Get the free ebook “The 5 Most Common Blocks to Authenticity… and How to Overcome Them” plus weekly updates, product discounts and much more:

Photo Credit: Neal. via Compfight cc

The post How to Be Kind to Yourself When You’re Tired and/or Sick appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

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