Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion, page 7
July 19, 2020
Me & Joe & Me
(pandemics, and elections, and varmints … oh, my!)
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I think the kids call it a mash-up (these days, everybody’s a kid to me).
What’s a mash-up? Well, first you find two seemingly unrelated things, like cowboys and spies, or Ben Stiller and a funny movie. Then you moosh them all together until you come up with a hit song, or a blockbuster movie, or something even funnier, like the mayor of New York solving systemic racism by gang-painting a street mural outside Trump Tower. (at le...
July 5, 2020
Fun Pandemic Pranks
(or, Churchill sends Hitler a frowny-face)
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Here in America, it’s been a bizarre, endless summer. Maybe so, too, in other countries, but I can’t confirm that because I can’t find an a commercial flight with seats spaced six feet apart.
The Chinese virus continues to haunt, and the blame-slinging is like some meth lab-infested trailer park paintball weekend that got out of control. President Trump has been accused of doing way too much, and far too little, both too soon and too la...
June 21, 2020
Robin Hoodwink Rides Again
(look, if your theory makes you make up a word…)
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Looking around, lately, it doesn’t take long to pile up a lot of bad news. So, here’s some good news.
I recently read in an online article that we are not alone in the universe. According to allegedly sober scientists, there are forty-six other intelligent alien civilizations in our galaxy, not counting Seattle.
Forty-six. Imagine that meeting. I guess forty-seven would’ve been silly.
But that’s what the “they” are telling u...
June 14, 2020
Woke Up Already!
(or, The Curse of the Cancel Culture)
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Looking around lately, you might have thought we’d had enough disruption, eruption, and interruption (and if you count downtown Seattle, abruption). You might’ve thought that, faced with plague, protests, and Presidential politics, America already had enough on its plate.
You would’ve been wrong.
Apparently, a global flu, a national crime wave, Trump’s tweets, and Joe Biden’s drool bib weren’t enough. America, say ‘hello’ again to the PC ...
June 7, 2020
The Leap-Over-This-Year
2020: it’s not just loonier, it’s longer
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One day, many years from now, when we all look back at the very odd year 2020 AD, I guess we’ll all pull down our medical masks and have a good laugh in our elbows, from a CDC-approved six or more feet away.
Unless, of course, we’re still in toxic shock from all the murder hornet stings we received that night the moon exploded.
On the other hand, it’s just as likely that the “new normal” will fade away and we’ll all get back to the old...
May 31, 2020
Social Media Distancing
(Adapting to a new abnormal)
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When you make a habit of writing humor columns, some weeks are easy. Others, not so much. On the off weeks, you just find yourself at week’s end, muttering at that meddling Johannes Gutenberg for making type so movable.
Granted, it’s true – sometimes when you log on, or tune in, or grab the paper, there’s a lovely wrapped gift right there before you. Low-hanging fruit just waiting to be plucked. Something along the lines of:
Flight passenger attem...
May 17, 2020
Madame Tussauds Bar and Grill
(The ever newer new normal)
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Corona.
Barely six months ago, who couldve ever imagined that something from China, named after a beer from Mexico, and shorter than Danny DeVito could bring an entire nation of swing voters to their knees?
But here we are most of America is now moving into Month Three of the United States Nanny States publicly-exposed pornography: its an election year, so everybody be very afraid, stay in your house, and well pay you to not work. See you in November!
...
May 3, 2020
When You Almost Care
(Heart you. Mean it.)
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Okay, its time. The wait is over. After nearly entire minutes of research, my studied analysis of facebook is finally finished. I know that many or nearly none of you have been eagerly waiting for the results, and, at the risk of jumping the shark, heres the recap:
Facebook. Its free and its worth every penny.
First, some history. The social media juggernaut we know as facebook has become staggering popular, particularly among people who think ur funny lol is...
April 26, 2020
Death & Other Side-Effects
(How to survive all this survival)
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This past week, South Carolina like several other States decided to Bah! Humbug the whole pandemic pandemonium and start reopening for business, in a measured and reasonable way, if you define measured and reasonable as random and irrational.
Reopening slowly, to be sure, but reopening nonetheless. And by slowly, I mean, of course, cautious and thoughtful (see measured and reasonable). It was a lot like some State-sized tipsy teenager grabbing...
April 19, 2020
Beware the Boredom of Doom
(Thanks, China. Ive memorized all 10 seasons of Friends)
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Did you see? Did you notice? America has really changed a lot lately, in case you havent left your home for a month, which is not as funny a line as it used to be.
Apparently, somewhere in China, somebody tried to soul-kiss a bat while taking its temperature, and suddenly the world is facing a pandemic, which is a forty-dollar word for Trumps fault.
Even if you personally dont smell like an amorous flying mammal, youve at...
