Jon Acuff's Blog, page 86
December 21, 2012
Bacon: God’s Other Gift
(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Brandon Mitchener. You can read his blog here. You can also follow him on Twitter @bmitchener48. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)
Bacon: God’s Other Gift
Let me just say this: I’m a meat kind of guy. There’s just something about a hearty steak, pork chop, or barbecue sauce-slathered ribs that equates to sheer euphoria. But there’s one meat in particular that beats out all other meats and foods and completely closes the argument about the existence of God. That meat, friends, is bacon.
Bacon is amazing. No, it can’t file your taxes, but that’s okay. Bacon is probably the one food that can go with any other food AND make it better. Bacon alone is phenomenal. Throw it in some grits (that’s good make-you-want-to-holler-Jesus Southern food), and you’ve got a party. Throw some bacon bits on a salad, and you’ve got a way to make any carnivore eat a green vegetable (see, it can work miracles, too). Burger King even had a dessert item called the Bacon Sundae. However, Wendy’s completely floored me when they came out with the Baconator, a sandwich with SIX pieces of divine pleasure on one sandwich. I recall looking ironically into one for the first time, and Etta James’ song “At Last” playing in my head due to the sheer ecstasy.
A food that good could have only come from the table of the Most High himself. Here’s how I picture the first creation of bacon:
God is sitting on His throne when he calls a few of his angels over to him.
Angels – “Yes, how may we serve, You?”
God – “I have given my children much to be thankful for, have I not?”
Angel #1 – “Surely! You have given them the Earth and all the creatures in it. You gave them the gift of sex which, I might add, they’re still reeling over, and of course you sent them your Son to atone for their sins.”
God – “Yes…but I wish to give them something else…especially for the single ones…something to tie them over until marriage.”
God makes a plate of bacon appear.
God – “Try this.”
Angel #2 – “MMMMM!”
Angel #3 -”OH, MY GOODNESS!”
Angel #1 – “They’re going to love this!”
God chuckles.
God – “Yes…how well I know.”
Okay, so maybe God didn’t create bacon with single people in minds But, hey, as a single guy I’d like to think married people get sex and we get bacon, but I digress. I love being a Christian, I really do. It contains the greatest plan for unconditional love the world will ever know. And as a bonus, I get to eat bacon. I couldn’t be part of a religion that doesn’t let me have meat, or as far as Islam goes, pork, and by extension, bacon. I mean, that’s just criminal. And vegetarians? I’ll never understand. Sure, you can say tofu is good and all, but that’s just like trying to substitute the love of Christ in your life with something else–it just doesn’t work. So while you’re living your baconless lives, I’ll be at home doing devos every morning, marveling at God’s power and awesomeness, thanking Him for His Word and His Son, all the while partaking of my bacon buffet.
For more great writing from Brandon, check out his blog!
December 20, 2012
Let’s make it rain goats.
A few years ago, my daughter L.E. saw a photo of a starving child in a book about weather. On a famine page they showed a little boy who had not eaten in a long time. 
She asked me about it and I told her that boy was starving.
She got quiet and then said, “But that’s pretend, right? That’s not real, right?”
She was 5 at the time and couldn’t imagine other 5 year olds had a different day than she did. She thought everyone got up, ate breakfast, did not watch Caillou because that kid is even scared of his own hair, ate lunch and dinner and then went to bed.
She didn’t understand poverty.
As a dad, what I really heard her saying in those questions she asked was, “You’re not OK with that, are you? Do other people know about that? Are you doing anything about that dad?”
At the time I really wasn’t. I was using this blog for my own fame, affirmation and “brand.”
But L.E.’s questions wouldn’t leave me alone. In the years that have followed we as a family have tried to be deliberate about serving. Even if one of the ways is a little ridiculous sounding.
For years, my kids have picked out items in a charity catalog.
“Items” is a bit of an overstatement. It’s really “item.”
The catalog could be a thousand pages long and it wouldn’t matter. My kids always pick one thing.
Goats.
They love sending goats to people.
Why?
Because they know that one goat produces 1.5 tons of manure each year, enriching soil with minerals, increasing crop growth.
Or they think goats are cute.
It’s probably that second reason.
This year, I thought it would be fun to invite you into the great Acuff goat adventure.
So for the next 24 hours, we’re going to make it rain goats. (100 to be exact.)
Some of my friends work for “Food for the Hungry.” Since 1971 they’ve worked incredibly hard to help change the world. Today, they’ve provided a super easy link and all the info you need. (To learn more about their work, click here.)
A goat costs $120. They are a simple, small, fun way for us to make poverty pretend.
You can give a full goat or just $20 toward a goat. (It’s Christmas, a lot of us are financially strapped right now what with Burlington Coat Factory and Sky Mall purchases and what not.)
Want to help the world in a fun way today?
Want to change the future for someone with something as tiny (and adorable) as a goat?
Let’s do it.
Let’s give 100 goats in the next 24 hours.
Want to help out?
Click here to give $20 toward a goat. (Maybe you can find 6 friends and sponsor that goat together and name it.)
Is that who said that?
First, it was Ben Franklin. Now, it’s Albus Dumbledore, of Harry Potter fame. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is he the first person who said this:
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Source: delafleur.tumblr.com via Jon on Pinterest
December 19, 2012
2 worlds collide and it is awesome.
My mom gave me this. Moleskine + Hobbit = Awesome.
Were you aware this existed?
Want a free copy of my new book two months before it comes out?
My new book, Start, comes out in April.
Want to get a free copy two months before that?
Come to Start Night.
On the night of February 7th we’re holding a special event at the Franklin Theatre.
Built in 1937, this unbelievable location is going to be the perfect place for a small event about big dreams.
How small? Half the size of the Quitter Conference.
That means there aren’t many tickets available.
Which means we can give everyone a copy of the book.
In most years, February is the month our New Year’s resolutions go to die.
Not this year.
Sign up for Start Night today. The early bird price is only $29.
The thing about 7 year olds.
Today I turned 37. If you’re still shopping for a gift, I’m a medium t-shirt.
And as a man in his late 30s, with gray hair, I like to think I am smart-ish.
But sometimes my kids remind me that I overcomplicate things. I make them convoluted so that I won’t have to do them or act on them. Then, while driving on a Sunday morning my kids say something that crashes me back down to earth. Something simple and true and powerful.
Last weekend, while headed to church, McRae, my 7 year old said:
“If you’re rich, but not generous, you’re actually poor.”
And she’s right.
If your money becomes your sense of self worth, you’re poor.
If your money becomes your identity, you’re poor.
If your money becomes your reason to live, you’re poor.
May we all know the kind of wealth that matters most in 2013.
December 18, 2012
The secret move Christians do at restaurants.
The secret is out.
How I convinced my wife to marry me.
Are you single this Christmas?
If someone says, “Maybe this Christmas you have the gift of celibacy like Paul,” you have my permission to punch them in the face.
But if you want to meet your wife, a real Proverbs 31 woman if you will, here’s basically how I convinced my wife to marry me. I was this:
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Source: google.com via Jon on Pinterest
The biggest lie Christians tell.
It’s that time of year again.
The weathers cold, the noses are runny, the coughs are back.
Time for us Christians to tell the biggest lie we tell all year.
What is it?
“I’m not contagious anymore.”
This is singlehandedly the biggest falsehood.
How come we all become medical professionals when it comes to diagnosing the precise moment we’re no longer contagious?
And how come that moment always so precisely syncs up with the day you want to go back to work or church?
Because that’s what happens. You sit next to someone at work, and they cough loudly. For eight hours. They take Mucinex (worst/best mascot ever). They down Fisherman’s Friends cough drops like they were trying to fight scurvy. Their cubicle smells like eucalyptus. They have a six pack of leeches on their forearm to suck out the bad blood. And when you make eye contact with them, they immediately say, “Sorry about the cough, but don’t worry, I’m not contagious anymore.”
Not true.
Say instead, “I’m not going to use vacation days just because I’m wildly contagious.” Or “I’m really excited about going to Panama City Beach this summer, so I’m going to work sick for a few days and see if I can get this thing to piggy back you instead. You want to share a Coke?”
Be honest, have you ever told someone you aren’t contagious anymore?
(I know I have.)
