Jon Acuff's Blog, page 87
December 17, 2012
Did cats cause the fall of man?
Why did we get kicked out of Eden?
A snake.
A stupid, slippery, evil snake talked us into making a mistake. The world’s first “epic fail” if you will.
As a result, for centuries we’ve hated snakes. But the other day, while at a museum in Washington, D.C., I made a startlingly discovery.
At first glance, this painting is not that shocking. Adam and Eve are reclining near a snake. No surprises there, right?
But look a little closer.
What’s that in the corner?
A cat.
Look at his face.
Look at his eyes. Look how they look upside down. (Which is like playing a record backwards. Google “record” kids.)
That’s no ordinary cat.
That’s a fireborn feline who is about to cause the fall.
Why did we get kicked out of Eden?
Cats.
Are you surprised? Do you think cats might have caused the fall of man?
December 14, 2012
Casually plagiarizing worship lyrics in our prayers
(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Robby Rasbaugh. You can read his blog here. You can also follow him on Twitter @robbyrasbaugh. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)
Casually plagiarizing worship lyrics in our prayers
Some time ago, I was chilling at the Bethel College coffee house with my buddy CJ having a friendly lunch appointment (or as we call it, a “man-date”). And as good brothers in Christ do, we prayed for each other. But as my buddy prayed, I noticed that some of his words sounded strangely familiar, and actually rather lyrical. This was the gist of what he prayed:
“Lord, I just pray that we would run into your arms and that we would realize the riches of your love will always be enough and that nothing compares to your embrace.”
A couple thoughts went through my mind. First of all, the last line made me wonder what kind of a hugger Jesus is—does he give big spine-crushing hugs like my uncle Dave or would it be like embracing the Snuggle Bear? I’m not sure. I guess we won’t know until we get to heaven.
But the second and more provoking thought was, “He just bummed those words off of the Hillsong song ‘Forever Reign’”. And after further contemplation, I realized this happens in Christian prayer circles all the time.
Sometimes Christians panic during prayer and spout off the first articulate phrase that comes to mind that will make them sound holy—kind of like Ben Stiller’s “Godspell” dinner prayer in “Meet the Parents”. And worship songs that they’ve learned in church seem like the perfect man for the job. And that’s legitimate, because a lot of worship songs were written as prayers anyway.
But other times, I think people jam-pack their prayers with worship lyrics intentionally—especially worship leaders. This prayer tactic makes or a great segue into their next song. Much of the time, I’ll even find myself analyzing the worship leader’s prayer to find hints of what the next song might be. You may laugh at that, but when the worship leader prays something like, “From the inside out, Lord, our souls cry out,” I think it’s pretty easy to forecast the next song in the set.
However, I can’t help but wonder if there is a breach of copyright here. Aren’t these worship lyrics technically trademarked? Where do we draw the legal line? Do I always have to accompany the phrase “Break my heart for what breaks yours” with the disclaimer “this prayer courtesy of Hillsong United”? Will Horatio Spafford turn over in his grave if I pray, “Whatever our lot I pray you’d teach us to say ‘It is well with my soul’” without giving him due credit? If I pray the phrase “If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking” during a church service, will John
Mark McMillan and David Crowder bust through the ceiling, repel down the wall like a two-man SWAT team, break a keytar over my head and file a lawsuit for copyright infringement because I didn’t correctly cite my sources? (And more importantly, would a heated debate ensue over whether our kisses should be “sloppy wet” or “unforeseen”?)
I’m not sure, but I say we’re all better safe than sorry. In the meantime, I might try quoting some obscure hymns from the back of my church hymnal during my prayers and see if anyone catches on. Or I might just disregard all copyright laws and spontaneously burst into song during my prayers when I feel like it. After all Lord, how can I keep from singing your praise? (Oops! Sorry for letting that one slip Chris Tomlin.)
What worship lyrics have you heard plagiarized in prayer?
(For more great writing from Robby, check out his blog!)
December 13, 2012
The only Greek I know.
“Hydrox” is Greek for “Welcome to Vacation Bible School.”
Was my church the only one that never had Oreos?
The older I get.
I’ll turn 37 this month and the image below summarizes something I keep learning.
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Source: markmcevoy.tumblr.com via Jon on Pinterest
Giving open flames to kids on Christmas Eve. (A Christmas SCL Classic)
Imagine if one night a year, your church held a special service and when you walked in, they gave you a Ninja Throwing Star. That would be a nightmare right? Just throwing stars stuck in hymnals and Bibles and legs as far as the eye could see. It would be a bloody mess. But it’s not that different from what a lot of churches do on Christmas Eve when they give everyone hand flames.
Singing a few songs by candlelight is honestly a really beautiful experience, but it’s also funny. The other 364 days of the year, parents work diligently to keep their children away from torches. We put covers on our electrical outlets, hide matches and lighters in hard to reach places, and yell if they get anywhere near a hot oven. But on Christmas Eve, it’s fire time.
Here are a few ways to multiply the fun of having a lit Christmas candle in a church setting:
1. Pretend it’s the Olympic Torch.
I’ve always admired the guy that demands to be the last person clapping in church. While the rest of the congregation has gone quiet, he throws in one more clap, as if to say, “There, I put the punctuation on that clapping session. Done and done.” But that guy has nothing on “last man standing” during Christmas Eve service. See how long you can keep that candle lit. Pretend it’s the Olympic Torch. Be the last one standing in the aisle with a proud flame of “refuse to blow this candle out,” while everyone else is gathering their coats. If someone asks you to blow it out, say, “We’re out of fire at home, I need to save this.”
2. Get the “Christmas Eve Service Candle” App for your iPhone and hold that up instead.
I don’t know if they have this yet for the iPhone but if they don’t, you’re welcome, I just made someone a billion dollars. Think about it, they already have DVDs that make it look like there’s a beautiful fire blazing in a fireplace on your television. Why not an application that flickers and shimmers like a church Christmas Eve service candle? Then, instead of a fire hazard, you could hold up your iPhone and sing by the light of your app. That’s even better than Festivus.
3. Blow out other people’s candles.
I don’t think I have to explain this one, but I promise, it is delightful. My brothers and I turned this into an art, because you can’t just come on out and blow it. You have to do this weird, breathe out of the side of your face, move in which you send a gust of wind with the accuracy of a sniper at someone else’s candle.
4. Play with the wax.
In addition to melting your candle on the shoes of family members, it’s also fun to see how long you can get the wax without it breaking off. You have to hold it at the right angle though. It has to be tilted enough to make it all pool like one of those stilagtitesdifficulttospellcorrectly things in caves, but not so tilted that the weight of the wax breaks it off.
5. Try to keep the candle.
As soon as that last song is finished, it’s like the spell that convinced your parents it was OK for you to have fire in church is broken. And it’s nearly impossible to keep the candle. Trick #1 was about keeping the fire, which sounds like a song Patrick Swayze sang in the 80s. I’m talking about keeping the actual candle. I never actually executed this move, because it’s like the holy grail of candle tricks. There are three people you need to watch out for: Your parents, the ushers and that guy with the box that collects them all at the end. I don’t like that guy. I think all that power went to his head. He didn’t just consider himself the “guy with a candle box,” instead he was always kind of smug and seemed to think he was the “gatekeeper of flame.”
Those were my tricks, but I am certain that when it comes to giving kids torches, I have missed quite a few.
Question:
Does your church do a candlelit service?
(This post originally appeared on SCL on April 25, 2008.)
December 12, 2012
Dwarves from the Hobbit Cheat Sheet
Confused about which dwarf is which? Fear not, just review this cheat sheet before the movie comes out.
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Was that in the Bible?
Help me remember, was that in the Bible somewhere?
What Christmas song is lying?
According to this grumpy old man, this one.
It’s time to change the way we judge.
A few weeks ago, I posted a video of a sermon.
During the video, a little kid runs up onstage and interrupts the service.
The pastor makes a joke, chases the little kid down, and laughs about the whole thing.
It was 86 seconds of footage, but it was enough for us to judge a few things:
1. The soul of the pastor.
2. The reality that he was pompous.
3. That this is the reason people don’t come to church.
4. That this church teaches people that the pulpit is unapproachable.
5. That this misbehaving kid was actually approaching the pulpit in some sort of Samuel hears God’s voice kind of way.
Is that an awful lot to accomplish in 86 seconds of footage? It is, it really is, but never underestimate the ability of us Christians to judge.
Now hopefully, none of us will find ourselves in the same position.
God help us if, in the middle of doing your job, in the middle of doing something people think is scarier than death (public speaking), a child interrupts you. God help us if, someday, someone films 86 seconds of footage of you in an unplanned moment and then proceeds to eviscerate you online.
So what do we do with moments like that? How do we stop being so incorrectly judgmental? (All judgment isn’t bad judgment.)
I have a solution.
I think we need to use our powers of judgment for good.
I think we need to band together, like the Hulk joining the Avengers, and use our powers for the greater good of mankind.
How?
We start helping people judge which checkout line at Walmart is going to be the fastest.
Think about it. It’s Christmas. Walmart is like Mad Max’s Thunderdome right now. There are no rules. Street justice dominates the aisles, stuff is on fire, wearing appropriate clothing is optional.
And into that chaos, we Christians step. We stand there, using our judgment mojo to direct traffic.
“No, go to line 8. That girl is hopped up on Monster Energy drink. She will whip you out of here like Will Smith’s daughter’s hair.”
“Yes, choose line 7. That employee just started their shift. They are fresh and happy.”
“No, avoid aisle 12. That employee is so mad and grumpy right now. They are molassess in a blue apron. Abandon all hope!”
Think about the difference we could make!
Let’s not fight it. We’re a judgmental lot. Embrace it friend. Get in the car. Go to Walmart. Open the gates and seize the day!
