Jon Acuff's Blog, page 85

Proverbs 1.

For the next 31 days, I’m going to write about Proverbs. Once a morning, I’ll share an idea about each chapter. They will be short and simple. And they start today.

Proverbs 1.

This will sound weird, but the best things I’ve ever written I don’t remember writing.

Reading through some post or page, the words jumbled into sentences don’t feel like me. There’s not a gingerbread trail of memory that leads me back to a moment when I thought something and committed it to paper.

Even if you’re not a writer, you’ve had a moment like that. Something has happened that you reacted to in an unusual way. Someone hurt you and you were swift to forgive. Someone wronged you and you looked the other way. Some opportunity presented itself and you grabbed it without fear.

You did the unexpected.

For years I didn’t have a name for it, but reading through Proverbs 1, the answer seems clear.

Wisdom.

It’s overwhelming how available it is.

In Proverbs 1:20-23 we are told.

20Wisdom calls aloud in the street,

she raises her voice in the public squares;

21at the head of the noisy streets she cries out,

in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:

22“How long will you simple ones love your simple ways?

How long will mockers delight in mockery

and fools hate knowledge?

23If you had responded to my rebuke,

I would have poured out my heart to you

and made my thoughts known to you.

 

Wisdom does not whisper.

She calls aloud.

She raises her voice.

She cries out.

She makes her speech.

And wisdom is not doled out.

Wisdom is poured out.

In volumes we cannot fathom, with generosity we can barely grasp.

Her heart and thoughts are available.

May the year 2013 be one in which you stop and listen in the noisy streets to a voice crying out.

9 Prayer Tips for 2013

Want to be a better prayerer in 2013? That’s not even a word. Probably should learn that first.

Once you’ve got that done though, do this:

9 Prayer Tips:

1. Know that if you have an “unspoken prayer request” people are going to assume porn.

Sorry, those are the rules. No one assumes you’re unspoken prayer request is about how much volunteer work you’re doing in the homeless community. We assume the worst.

2. Don’t disguise gossip as prayer.

If you pray for your neighbor, “Who recently cheated on her husband with that yoga instructor from Argentina,” you have not prayed. You have gossiped. Quit it.

3. Don’t be the prayer request whisperer.

Know why your brands continue to go unanswered? Because you speak so softly that even God can’t hear them. (Not sure that’s theologically true, but it feels right.) Speak up when you make a prayer request.

4. Pray with a British accent.

Want that prayer heard? Use a British accent, even God prefers those.

5. Aim for as many “prayer grunts of affirmation” as you can get.

How else will you know the prayer has been effective? If you’ve got a better prayer score method I am all ears. Especially if you are British.

6. Don’t say “let’s pray” when you mean “let’s make out.”

Maybe this is just for those college students out there, but stop doing this. You know this happens at Baptist Colleges. I mean I never did that but some sinners did. Stop.

7. Don’t make up a prayer request just because everyone else has one.

They’re not lollipops. It’s OK for you not to have one. I promise.

8. Always have background music.

You might have to carry a portable Bluetooth stereo or your iPhone for smaller prayer moments, but trust me, this is key. Right as people start praying, gently Tomlin that scene.

9. Know which meals to pray before.

Don’t lose your cool in a restaurant. Know if you should pray before or after queso. These things matter.

A 9 item list is lame. You can sense the lameness radiating off this post.

We need one more item.

What prayer tip would you add to this list?

What happens when you lose your teeth?

It’s easy to be honest when your blog has 14 readers.

It’s easy to write with teeth and say funny things that actually touch on a delicate situation when you have 10 followers on Twitter.

It’s easy to roll conversational hand grenades across the floor when you’re just writing for fun.

But something weird happens when people start reading.

You get tempted to play it safe.

You get tempted to play it careful.

You get tempted to soften your words in order not to offend. Even if they were the right words.

Fear sets in. Complacency sets in. What could be extraordinary gives in to ordinary. You lose your teeth.

That’s what happened to me.

To be honest, it was easier to write SCL when only a handful of strangers was reading it. When my picture wasn’t on it. When I was just shooting from the hip.

But then it grew. Then it got big and I started to protect it. I started to worry about things like brand and consistency.

So what now?

As we face 2013 down and our fifth year of this blog, what do we do going forward?

That’s the question I’ve been wrestling with for the last three months.

And I think the answer is we get messy again.

We let go of the sanitized ideas, the safe ideas, the easily digestible ideas.

And we open the gates and seize the day. (Newsies!)

We post more. We let go of the narrow definition of an SCL topic. I’m a Christian and like Lord of the Rings. Therefore, I will post funny photos from Lord of the Rings. I will withhold the temptation to find something deep and meaningful to blog about them.

I will post videos.

And guest posts.

And randomness.

And the truth.

When we do something whack, we’ll talk about it.

And laugh about it.

And start so many sentences with the word “And.”

Maybe you won’t even notice a difference. Maybe a post about how you’re going to change the way you post is the silliest thing ever.

But I wanted to give you a heads up that SCL is going to be different in 2013.

It’s going to be messy.

And I think that’s a good thing.

I wish every church said what this churches says in their bulletin. (#1 in 2012)

It’s easy to poke fun at some of the things churches say on their welcome sign. It’s easy to question some of the things that make it inside a church bulletin.

It’s easy to say “this is bad,” but it’s a lot harder to say “this is good.” Anyone can critique, but creating is a lot more difficult.

So what does a great welcome message look like? What does an awesome welcome message look like?

It looks exactly like what “Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community” has in their church.

My friend attended there recently, and I got a copy of what they hand out. I posted a photo of it below so you could see what it looks like, but the image got cut off so here’s what it says:

[image error] We extend a special welcome to those who are single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, yo no habla Ingles. We extend a special welcome to those who are crying new-borns, skinny as a rail or could afford to lose a few pounds.

We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or like our pastor who can’t carry a note in a bucket. You’re welcome here if you’re “just browsing,” just woke up or just got out of jail. We don’t care if you’re more Catholic than the Pope, or haven’t been in church since little Joey’s Baptism.

We extend a special welcome to those who are over 60 but not grown up yet, and to teenagers who are growing up too fast. We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree-huggers, latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk-food eaters. We welcome those who are in recovery or still addicted. We welcome you if you’re having problems or you’re down in the dumps or if you don’t like “organized religion,” we’ve been there too.

If you blew all your offering money at the dog track, you’re welcome here. We offer a special welcome to those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t spell, or because grandma is in town and wanted to go to church.

We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. We welcome tourists, seekers and doubters, bleeding hearts … and you!

Bravo to Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community! That should be made into a poster and hung in church offices around the world.

I love the thought that a few members of Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community getting together and saying, “Let’s invite everyone to come meet Jesus!” And then they started writing their list.

And it got long. Why?

Because everyone needs Jesus.

Everyone changes when they meet Jesus.

And they wanted to make sure everyone knew they were invited to meet him.

 

God or Girlfriend? (Mumford & Sons Edition) (#2 in 2012)

Ever heard of the game “God or Girlfriend?”

Of course not, I just invented it!

Don’t worry, though, it’s easy to play. All you do is take the lyrics of a popular song and ask yourself, “Is this singer talking about God or Girlfriend?” (You can play “God or Boyfriend” with Florence + The Machine.)

Today’s song? “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons.

This one is a little tricky because they’re clearly not a worship band, so you’d think, “This song is about lead singer Marcus’ girlfriend who he recently married.” But, not so fast, his parents are the national directors of the Vineyard Church in Great Britain.” As far as I’m concerned, he’s a pastor’s kid.

But don’t listen to me. Let’s look at the lyrics.

God or Girlfriend? Mumford & Sons Edition

“Well I came home”

Clearly this is a Prodigal Son reference.

“Like a stone”

Probably referring to the stone that was rolled away from the tomb.

And I fell heavy into your arms

Not sure, could be a girlfriend or God. Although it’d have to be a strong girlfriend to catch you if you fell that heavy. Probably does P90X. Or it could be about doing a trust fall during a youth group retreat. Too close to call.

“These days of dust”

This is about God and Adam, we all come from the dirt.

“Which we have known

Will blow away with this new sun”

Psalm 68:2 As smoke is blown away by the wind, may you blow them away. I’d feel better if the word “sun” was in that Bible verse, but close enough.

“But I’ll kneel down”

What do you do when you pray? You kneel! This song is about God!

“Wait for now”

Next to journaling, “waiting” is Christianity’s favorite verb.

And I’ll kneel down

Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

“So break my step”

God is our shepherd. One of the things shepherds sometimes do with a wayward sheep is break his leg and then mend it. It helps the sheep stay close and learn. Don’t make me quote Isaiah 19:22, “The LORD will strike Egypt with a plague; he will strike them and heal them. They will turn to the LORD, and he will respond to their pleas and heal them.” Plus, this has to be about God. If you told a girlfriend, “So break my step,” she would sweep your leg and yell, “There is no pain in this dojo!” That relationship would be horrible. 

“And relent

Well you forgave and I won’t forget”

Seriously, do I have to explain this one to you? This clue is 7 times 70 easy! Who is all about forgiveness? God!



“Know what we’ve seen

And him with less

Now in some ways

Shake the excess”

Not going to lie, this one is tricky. I think he’s saying. “You know what we’ve seen, we’ve been to the Grammy’s. I wore pants made of gold and unicorn manes.” And the him in “him with less” is referring to all of mankind, those of us who do not have access to pants woven from unicorns. He is asking God to shake the excess lifestyle from him, but saying “I don’t want to wear golden pants” would make for a really dumb lyric.

cause I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

“Now I’ll be bold

As well as strong”

Deuteronomy 31:6. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (This is practically a VBS song at this point!)

“And use my head alongside my heart”

So obvious, this is Marcus Mumford singing about taking something from your head to your heart, the hardest 12 inches to travel.



“So tame my flesh

And fix my eyes”

2 Corinthians 4:18. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

“A tethered mind freed from the lies”

You say tomato. I say tomato. You say “tethered.” I say “yoked.”

“And I’ll kneel down

Wait for now

And I’ll kneel down

Know my ground

Raise my hands”

A subtle reference to singing with your hands raised during church.



“Paint my spirit gold”

Wow, I should practically get seminary credit for listening to this song. Here we go with Job 23: 9-10

When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;

when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

But he knows the way that I take;

when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.



“Bow my head”

Bow my head? Could this song be more about God?

Keep my heart slow

’cause I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

And I will wait, I will wait for you

This one feels pretty easy. Roughly 82% of the Bible was referenced in this one song. But what do you think?

Question:

God or Girlfriend?

 

Tom Bombadil’s Fridge.

I like the Lord of the Rings. If you do too, you need to follow me on Pinterest.

Why?

Because I’ve created a board called “Tom Bombadil’s Fridge.” On it are all the great LOTR images I can imagine Bombadil taping up on his fridge.

Here’s the link to follow the board. If you’ve got an image that should be on the fridge, email me at jon at jonacuff.com.

Here are a few samples from the board:

[image error]

Source: via Jon on Pinterest

 

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Source: Uploaded by user via Jon on Pinterest

 

Why people think Christians are fake. (#3 in 2012)

There was no yelling or screaming.

Nobody raised their voices there in the green room.

Nobody slammed their hands down on a table of free granola bars in rage.

It wasn’t that type of argument at all, but a worship leader and I did end up discussing something I strongly disagreed with. (It wasn’t about ending sentences with prepositions. I clearly have no problem with that.)

The worship leader I talked to said when he performed “Come Thou Fount,” he changed the lyrics.

I love that hymn.

For years, I listened to the version Jadon Lavik did. My favorite verse, the one I found most encouraging, when things felt the darkest in my spiritual walk, was this one:

 

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

prone to leave the God I love;

here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

seal it for thy courts above.

I would like to say that, when I became a Christian, I quit making mistakes. I quit sinning. I quit being “prone to wander,” but the truth is I still fail. More than I’d like to. And the beauty of that song and the honesty of that last verse meant a lot to me.

So what verse was the worship leader changing?

That one.

His argument? He wasn’t “prone to wander or prone to leave.”

At this point in the conversation, I realized he was not like me.

Or Peter.

Or David.

Or “That’s not my wife, that’s my sister!” Abraham.

He was changing the lyrics to something like, “Prone to worship, prone to praise.”

And I thought about changing them too. Only mine would probably be, “Prone to bolt out the door like a dog if I see it cracked open for but the briefest of seconds, Prone to need grace one thousand times, for the things I promised myself I’d never do again but still did. ”

I’ve seen arguments online about the definition of the word “prone,” and maybe you can make a case there. (Then again, when we sing that God is a lion inside us, nobody argues that technically speaking, you don’t have a real lion inside you.) And I know the sad backstory of the guy who wrote the original hymn. But when people think Christians are fake, I think this is part of the reason why.

We tell each other we’re not prone to wander.

We act like our days of falling down are forever behind us.

And we create environments where no one can be honest.

You can’t share your whole life with somebody when the expectation is that you don’t fail.

You can only share the victories. And if you don’t have any victories that day or week, you better act like you do. Because as a Christian, you shouldn’t be prone to wander. And if you have, you just might not be a real Christian after all.

Babies crying during the sermon. (#4 in 2012)

A few weeks ago at church, there was a baby crying during the middle of the sermon.

Here is what immediately went through my head.

1. Am I the only one that hears that right now? No one else is looking back in that general area. Maybe this is my super power?

2. Heightened hearing? Is that the best superpower? The hearing of a bat?

3. Oh man, I hope my superpower is not just an ability to hear crying babies in crowded rooms. That would be the lamest superpower ever.

4. Except for the character Scarlett Johannson is playing in The Avengers. I love that scene in the trailer where they’re all back to back in the middle of the street. The Incredible Hulk is looking massive. Captain America is standing there with his crazy strength. Iron Man is all suited up. Thor has his mythological hammer. And then Scarlett cocks a handgun. Seriously? She’s a teammate of Thor, and she’s bringing a pistol to the party? If I’m a supernatural villain, I’m thinking “How adorable, tiny bullets!”

5. Don’t be that guy. Don’t you dare look back to see which baby it is.

6. But it’s so hard not to. I’m not judging. I’m just curious. That kid has some lungs! I feel like he’s probably standing up right now with both arms raised above his head victoriously. I gotta see this.

7. I live in Nashville. Maybe that kid will grow up to be the next Garth Brooks, and if I just sneak a glance back I’ll be able to say, “I saw Garth Brooks sing once when he was a baby. Sure hated sermons on spiritual warfare. I’ll tell you that right now.”

8. You can’t turn back to look at a screaming baby and not look like you hate babies. And people who bring babies into church.

9. Maybe they’re a visitor. And it’s their first kid. And their puppy died this morning as well. You’re such a jerk.

10. Remember how hard it was to get L.E. to go to the nursery when she was a baby? She wailed in the hall like you were dropping her off at baby prison. Have some empathy.

11. As a parent, it’s not easy to hand some stranger your baby and, in return, receive an elastic bracelet with a number on it. You vet babysitters at home like you’re the CIA, and now on Sunday morning you’re supposed to just walk up to a stranger in a brightly colored t-shirt and say, “Here’s my baby. I sure hope you’re not crazy. See you in an hour!” Have some empathy.

12. Be careful about writing about this on SCL. Even the faintest hint of suggesting that someone bring their kid to Sunday School instead of big church is libel to stir up some controversy. Like Rob Bell and Harry Potter.

13. Is there a verse where Jesus says, “Don’t you dare drop your kids off at Sunday School?” In the Sermon on the Mount did he ever say, “This next part is for the kids in the crowd. Could they join me up front for a minute?” At that point, did he dismiss them?

14. If we’re supposed to take our kids to big church and have them experience the same sermon adults experience, how come none of the disciples were little kids? How come we never heard about Timmy, the 4-year old disciple who used to get all grouchy when he hadn’t had a nap in a while and got sick of eating fish and loaves? Timmy wanted some chicken fingers!

Eventually the baby stopped crying. Or they took him out of the room. I’m not certain because I didn’t look back at the kid. Cause I love Jesus. And puppies.

How about you?

What goes through your head when you hear a baby cry?

Craziest Christmas Movie Ever.

My friend Brian D. sent me this description of a movie I’ve never seen.

What a weird remix this ends up becoming. I have no words.

Read and see for yourself.

 

What my kids did to our nativity.

Sometimes I like to think we’ve done a good job telling our kids about the real meaning of Christmas.

That we’ve kept the “Christ” in Christmas.

That we’re celebrating the reason for the season at the Acuff house.

That though there is no cake, my kids understand this is Jesus’ birthday.

And then I come home and find that they’ve Lion Kinged our nativity. Parents of the year, ladies and gentleman, the Acuffs.