Jon Acuff's Blog, page 57

Unless God makes me!

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a neighbor. We were discussing why we both liked living in our neighborhood. At one point in the conversation he said, “God would have to tear me away for me to no longer live here.”

I laughed at first because that’s kind of a silly thing to say but then I realized I say that same thing all the time.

Just the other day, my kids asked if we were going to live in Nashville for a long time. I said, “I think we are, unless God makes us move.”

That’s a weird concept, isn’t it? Like God is the head of some sort of moving committee and occasionally taps you on the shoulder and says, “Yeah, I’m putting in for a transfer for you out of Dallas. Start packing.”

Am I the only one who has ever said “Unless God makes us move,” or have you said something similar too?

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First laugh of the day: Daniel Fast.

When you put it that way, it doesn’t seem as miraculous. (This was created by Michael Schaffer over at Christian Memes!)

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Please sign my petition.

I, as a Christian, do solemnly swear not to say the following sentence on Sunday, February 2nd:

“Don’t you wish people were as excited about church as they are about the Super Bowl?”

I recognize that it is completely possible to both love church and enjoy football.

I understand that sports enthusiasm is not an affront to Jesus.

I could even see Samson being an amazing tight end similar to Gronk.

I subscribe to the belief that enjoying a football game on Sunday night does not prevent me from worshiping my savior on Sunday morning.

I admit that people in our country take sports too seriously, but refuse to believe that if someone uses body paint for a football game that is an opening to tell them the Romans Road.

I also admit that not a single person in the history of mankind has been converted when we Jesus Juke situations. Not once has someone said, “Tell me more about this Jesus” after you have ruined something they were enjoying by shaming them and saying, “I wish people cared as much about worship as they do about the Grammy’s.”

I agree to send this link to any friends or family members that try to turn a football game into a judgment jamboree. (The worst jamborees of all.)

I will also forgive them if they juke the day away.

I will sing loud in church.

I will cheer loud at football games.

(Please sign this petition by commenting on the post below. We can do this together my friend. I know we can. I believe in us!)

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Please give me this Valentine’s Day card.

Even Gollum knows what love is. (Via Pinterest)

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8 pieces of Christian dating advice that is keeping me single.

(Today’s guest post is from Nina Borum! You can read her blog for more great writing. If you want to write a guest post, send it here.)

Despite my passion for christian dating values and practices I must admit that sometimes I’ve considered turning to the “world” aka COSMOPOLITAN for dating advice. I know this is wrong and that I should only get advice from people who tithe regularly and vote the right way but I have taken all the advice below and find that I am still single.

1. You’re worth waiting for.

Except for when you aren’t. Like me, the 30 year old virgin with no prospects. (flings promise ring to the floor).

2. Don’t do anything with the opposite sex that you wouldn’t want your future spouse to do with someone else.

Ok. Let me cancel all my coffee dates lest it be considered an emotional affair. Also, the fact that I have been saving my first kiss for my future husband is no longer cute now that I’m 30. It’s just weird. I may or may not have googled “How to Kiss” a few months ago.

3. Love will find you when you aren’t looking.

Good to know. I can take my ad entitled “Looking for Love” off of craigslist now. I will also cancel my eharmony membership despite their no refund policy. $200.00 down the drain. I should have used that money for the building fund at church instead of my own love life. Shame on me.

4. God’s timing is perfect.

Is it? According to abcnews.com women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30.

Chop Chop Jesus. Chop Chop.

5. Focus on your marriage to Jesus. He is your true husband.

Right. But there are some things that Jesus doesn’t do like take out the trash, rub my feet and you know the whole sex thing. Is it wrong that I am disappointed that there is apparently no sex in heaven? I digress.

6. You will find a man that loves you just the way you are.

Great. That gym membership was cutting into my fast food budget anyway. Also, holding my gas in public was becoming inconvenient, glad I can just let go and let God.

7. Be a Proverbs 31 woman.

That would be easy, except that I’ve kind of always wanted to be more like Eve. Running around naked and convincing my husband to do things seems ideal.

8. Singleness/Celibacy is a gift from God.

Does this gift have a return policy? It doesn’t fit me very well and I don’t recall putting it on my Christmas list.

Have you ever heard some ridiculous Christian dating advice?

Check out more from Nina Borum on her blog and follow her on Twitter!

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First Laugh of the Day: Misunderstood Smaug.

 

 

Via 9gag

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Samson invented CrossFit.

A bunch of my friends do CrossFit.

I often tease them that the hardest part of doing CrossFit seems to be all the instagram updates you have to do.

But whether you love it or not, it’s hard to deny the results it produces. The folks I know who do it, like @loswhit, are getting in great shape.

What a lot of people don’t know though is that CrossFit finds its roots in the Bible.

Think I’m kidding? I’m not. Samson invented CrossFit. Let’s look at a few examples:

1. He never did regular workouts. I don’t know that other people were working out back in the Old Testament, I think they just called it, “farming,” but Samson was always unique. No weights for him, he’s doing dead lifts with the city gates. No regular cardio for him, he gets his exercise tying foxes together.

2. He had a tribe. When you do CrossFit, you become part of a unique tribe. Mostly, it’s the “calluses on my hands from lifting crazy stuff tribe.” You talk about a tribe guy, Samson wouldn’t even cut his hair because of his crew. That guy was sold out.

3. He never missed a workout. Even blind, that guy was hitting the gym. Or structural pillars in this particular case.

4. Did he have a WOD? Better believe it. Guy used a donkey jawbone for his WOD.

5. As my friend Jon pointed out in the comments, Samson even had a Paleo diet. Clean, natural honey, nuts and veggies. Guy was a machine.

Now you know the truth about CrossFit.

Is this site educational? Yes, in a lot of ways it is. You’re welcome.

 

 

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Why you forget that God is good.

Have you ever had a situation where you doubted God?

If you haven’t, you should probably read another blog. You’re going to hate this one.

What often happens is that we run into a challenge or a tragedy and in the midst of that time, we doubt that God is going to come through. We think he is not powerful or loving or any quality that might comfort us in that time.

In doing that, we forget all the other times he has been there for us.

Why do we forget God is good?

It’s pretty simple actually.

When you experience something in life, it’s like a photo has been taken. It’s clear and high res and full of a million pixels of life. You look at the photo in your hand and think to yourself, “I will never forget this moment!”

The day after the event, when you go to pick up the photo, you realize it’s not the original, it’s a photocopy. It’s OK though because it’s still really good quality. It might be only 98% as good as the real photo but that’s not too bad.

The third day, you get a photocopy of the previous day’s photocopy, not a photocopy of the original. Everyday you live away from that moment, the photocopy gets photocopied. After a month, it’s hard to see the details. After six months the colors are all faded. After a year? You can barely make out what that experience was about.

That’s why the Israelites built piles of rocks in the desert. They are the poster child for “forgetting God is good.” Remember the whole, “Boy we sure do miss slavery!” rants they used to go on. The piles of rocks gave them a reminder that they had a good God.

Why do we forget that?

Because we forget to stack some rocks during the moments God shows up.

Grab a stone today and start building a pile.

You might not need it right now, but someday when life is hard, you’ll be glad you have a reminder of a God who is good.

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Is that song Christian?

Christians are musical archeologists. When we hear a new song that we like, we like to dig in into the lyrics to ascertain if it may or may not be Christian.

We search through metaphors, brushing off the dust of the melody to see if we can hear a glimmer of “I love Jesus” somewhere in there.

Mumford & Sons is an obvious example. U2 doesn’t count because Bono has clearly and explicitly spelled out the nature of his faith in Christ. (Let’s see if we can start a fight with that sentence!) But I will never forget the funniest time I played the “Christian song game” while waiting for church to begin.

One Sunday, my wife and I were at church sitting in our seats as the service slowly started.  As people walked to their seats, they played a song over the speakers by the band, Our Lady Peace. They’re not a Christian band, but their song, “Somewhere Out There” kind of sounds like a God song. I mean this part does:

 Down here in the atmosphere, garbage and city lights, you gotta save your tired soul, you gotta save our lives.

That’s great. We’re down, which means you’re UP in heaven. And garbage could mean another word for sin. But then, in the middle of church, with thousands of other people, I hear the singer say this:

Hope you remember me, When youre homesick and need a change. I miss your purple hair,

OK, I think to myself, that’s a little weird. I’m not sure Jesus had purple hair but you know, when the sun is setting just right over the Dead Sea maybe it was kind of purple. The old testament mentions pomegranates a lot. Maybe they died their hair. I was willing to let that one go until the next line:

I miss the way you taste.

I had a hard time tying that directly to Jesus or God. End scene.

Question:

Have you ever wondered if a song is Christian? Which song?

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First Laugh of the Day. Swap.

Forget coffee, allow the raw terror of this face swap to wake you up today.

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