Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 336

Thirty Things I’ve Learned in Thirty Years of Ministry

It was thirty years ago that I began serving a small rural church in southern Indiana. I was so incredibly green then; I’m glad I didn’t always realize it. I loved those people in that church and, for some reason, they loved me too. I had to be one of the most inept pastors in history, but they just continued to show me grace and love me even more.

Now, three decades later, I reflect back on what I’ve learned in ministry. Some lessons came rather naturally; others were very painful.

God is always faithful. Always. Always. Always.
My family is my greatest gift beyond my salvation. I wish I always realized it.
I spent too much time worrying about things that I can’t even remember today.
I took too many criticisms personally. Most critics weren’t mad at me.
I always grow stronger when I spend time in the Word and in prayer.
My wife endured a lot in our ministry. I needed to minister to her more.
When I can laugh at myself, I am more effective in ministry.
I learned to be more compassionate through the deaths of my parents and grandson. I can now understand the pain many experience.
I am always hurt when I hold grudges.
I need to ask for forgiveness more quickly.
I need friends to share both the joys and the challenges of ministry.
I wish my sons had not seen my frustrations when I was a pastor.
Life is short. Live it totally for Him every moment.
Some of my most miserable days came when I grew jealous of others in ministry.
Some other miserable days came when I lived to please people rather than God.
Children are young but for a season. Some of my greatest joys have been with my three sons.
I’m not nearly as smart as I sometimes think I am.
I am always wiser when I listen to the wisdom of others.
The devil is always looking for a way to trap me (1 Timothy 3:7).
My success is not measured by the size of my church or the prestige of my organization.
I’ve had a lot of grace shown to me. I need to pass that gift forward more.
Some people who disagree with me have proved right.
I need to mentor more men.
I am rarely as diligent I should be sharing the gospel.
Every church has some really mean people. God has called me to love and serve them too.
I fight pride more often than I’d like to admit.
Some of my worst moments in ministry were when I lost my temper.
Encouragement works better than harsh words.
I need to read more.
My grandchildren are almost perfect.

What have you learned in ministry? What can you add to this list?

9 Ways for Church Leaders to Pray More

By Chuck Lawless

Several weeks ago, my post on why church leaders don’t pray must have hit a nerve, as the feedback was strong. More than one reader, though, pointed out I gave diagnosis for the problem, but no prescription. I agree, and I’m writing this blog in response.

I know there are other “prescriptions” to consider for these diagnoses, but I hope these ideas get you started in the right direction.

DIAGNOSIS #1: Leaders are “fixers” by nature.

PRESCRIPTION: Take a risk to tackle a task not easy for you. That task might be something like telling a neighbor about Jesus, confronting a problematic church member, addressing a “sacred cow” in your church, or confessing a sin in your life. All of these tasks require wisdom, but the point is this: if you tackle a challenge too big for you to “fix,” you know you must pray.

DIAGNOSIS #2: We never learned how to pray.

PRESCRIPTION: Study about prayer. It’s really that simple. Read books like Paul Miller’s A Praying Life, Tom Elliff’s A Passion for Prayer, or T.W. Hunt’s The Life Changing Power of Prayer. Ask a prayer warrior how he/she prays. Listen to sermons like David Platt’s series, “Why Pray?” Review my suggestions in “Ten Simple Strategies for Prayer.” Make yourself learn, and then pray.

DIAGNOSIS #3: Prayer has become more about ritual than about relationship.

PRESCRIPTION: Think relationship. If you love someone, you want to talk to that person . . . often. Start by praying short prayers throughout the day. Assume you won’t go an hour without taking time to communicate with God. Pray at least briefly at morning, noon, and night. Read about men and women of prayer like Rees Howells, “Praying” Hyde, Corrie Ten Boom, and Amy Carmichael. Learn from their relationships with God.

DIAGNOSIS #4: Prayerlessness can be hidden.

PRESCRIPTION: It’s time to get real. Find someone you respect, and tell him/her the truth. You struggle with prayer. Sometimes prayer feels routine. You teach about prayer but don’t always live in prayer. Seek accountability, and be gut-level honest. If you need to, get someone to pray with you each day. Bring your prayerlessness out of the darkness, and start living in the light again.

DIAGNOSIS #5: We don’t really believe prayer works.

PRESCRIPTION: The answer to this issue is to read the Bible regarding answered prayer. Find stories of answered prayer, including Hannah’s prayer for a child (1 Sam. 1), Hezekiah’s request to live (2 Kgs. 20), Jehoshaphat’s prayer for help (2 Chron. 20), the church’s prayer for Peter’s release (Acts 12). When the early church prayed, even the place where they met was shaken under the power of God (Acts 4:31). Let the Word of God encourage you that prayer really does work.

DIAGNOSIS #6: We have never been broken under God’s hand.

PRESCRIPTION: Nobody wants to be broken by God. We want God to use us, yet without changing us – and most certainly, without breaking us. God uses people, though, who willingly bear a “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7), who worship Him even when life is in disarray (Job 1:20-22). To learn how to trust God this way, echo this petition: “Lord, do what you must to make me lean on you in prayer.” It’s scary, but God will teach you to pray.

DIAGNOSIS #7: Leaders read the Word in a one-sided way.

PRESCRIPTION: Learn to pray as you read the Bible. Read Genesis 1-2, and thank Him for creation. Confess your sin as you read Psalm 51. Honor Jesus for who He is as you read Mark 1-5. Ask God to strengthen family relationships as you read Ephesians 5 and 6. Read Revelation 21-22, and praise Him for His fulfilled plan. Let the Word of God drive you to your knees.

DIAGNOSIS #8: Some leaders have simply lost hope.

PRESCRIPTION: God already knows your hopelessness, so go ahead and pray in heart-wrenching candor. Even a prayer like, “God, I don’t know if you’re there, but I’m looking for you” is a start. Pray with someone who can share your burden. Weep if you must, and cry out in desperation (Psa. 88). You won’t surprise God, and He might just surprise you in a powerful way.

DIAGNOSIS#9: We miss the Gospels’ focus on the prayer life of Jesus.

PRESCRIPTION: If you didn’t study Jesus’ prayer life in the Gospel of Luke after the previous blogpost, do it this week. Learn to pray from the Master: Luke 3:21-22; 4:42 (cf. Mark 1:35); 5:15-16; 6:12-13; 6:27-28; 9:16, 18, 28-29; 10:1-2, 21; 11:1-13; 18:1-8, 9-14; 19:45-46; 20:45-47; 21:36; 22:17-19, 31-32, 39-46; 23:33-34, 46; 24:30, 50-51.

What other prescriptions do you recommend? Let’s teach one another to pray.

Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary.

You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.

Eight Areas Where Many Ministers Are Unprepared for Ministry

My email inbox is full of tragic examples. They entered into vocational ministry with hope and healthy idealism. They had been prepared well in the study of the Bible, theology, Church history, and other classical disciplines. They were bright, eager, and ready to change the world in God’s power.

And they failed.

Let me say it more clearly: From their perspective they failed.

They began leading that first or second church and they were blindsided by what hit them. Some are still walking wounded in ministry today. Some moved quickly to the next church, only to find that you can’t run from messy ministry. Some are still serving, but they are bitter and disillusioned. And too many quit ministry altogether.

Over time I began to see a pattern or group of patterns. I saw where many ministers were very unprepared for ministry. Indeed, some of the lessons were my own experiences and my own failures. Allow me to share eight of the most common areas where ministers, particularly in America, are often unprepared for ministry.

Relational intelligence. I wish every minister could somehow take some type of relational intelligence inventory. I wish they could be coached on how to relate to all types of people. Many ministers crash because they have never learned how to relate well to others.
Leadership skills. A minister who leads a church of 100 members is leading a relatively large organization, more than many in the secular world will ever lead. In addition, the minister is leading a large number of volunteers. Leadership is tough in any setting, but particularly this one.
Dealing with critics. There is an obvious overlap with this issue and the previous two. One of the most unsettling times of a minister’s ministry is the discovery that some people don’t like him or agree with him. Some ministers never learn to deal well with critics.
Family matters. The unprepared minister often lives a life of trying to please everyone. Those who often get left out of this effort are spouses and children. Many ministers fail because they failed their families.
Finances. A minister is often thrust into an organization where there is an expectation of knowledge of budgets, balance sheets, and banking. Too many ministers are unprepared in both church finance and personal finance.
Consumer mentality. Countless ministers have told me they entered local church ministry expecting to find members who were sacrificial and others-centered. Instead they found members who were selfish and me-centered. Ministers are too often unprepared for this congregational mindset.
Uneven expectations. I recently wrote a post on how many hours a minister was expected to work each week. It created a lot of buzz, because too many ministers don’t know how to deal with these various expectations from church members.
Uneven spiritual growth. I encourage you to read Sam Rainer’s article on messy churches. He reminds us that it is really positive if we have some level of immature believers in our congregations. That is an indication that we are reaching new people for Christ. Of course, we don’t want baby Christians to remain babies, but we do pray for a regular inflow of new Christians. Immature believers present their own unique challenges where many ministers are unprepared.

When a missionary is sent to another part of the world, we typically spend hundreds of hours preparing him or her for a new culture and a new language.  They must understand the context where they will serve or they will be ineffective. They must be prepared for the new culture or they will suffer culture shock and often fail.

American congregations in the twenty-first century represent new challenges and new cultures. Too many ministers are often unprepared for the mission field where they will serve and lead. Too many ministers thus become walking wounded or AWOL altogether.

What do you think about these eight areas? What would you change or add?

Pray for Vassar Road Baptist Church

Location: Poughkeepsie, NY

Pastor: Jake Dunlow

Worship Time: 11:00 AM Eastern Time

Fast Facts: Vassar Road Baptist Church began in the early 1960s as a mission of Manhattan Baptist Church and Ridgecrest Baptist Church. Today VRBC’s multi-ethnic congregation continues to reach the residents of Poughkeepsie and Dutchess County with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The church is situated near several local colleges. This provides a unique outreach opportunity. Please pray for them as they partner with Christian collegiate clubs to share the gospel on college campuses in their area, including Vassar College, Marist College and Dutchess Community College.

The church asks for prayer in 4 specific areas:

Encouragement as they seek to live Gospel-centered lives
Wisdom as they seek ways to take the gospel to the community
That God would be glorified through the church’s ministry
The spread of the gospel throughout their region.

Website: www.vrbcpok.org

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, download this information form and return it to the address on the form.

A Note to Those Who Criticize Me

I am in a position of fairly visible leadership. I have written books and articles and blog posts as well. I am fair game for critics. I should expect criticisms.

I respond to some of the criticisms; some of them I don’t. I have my reasons for each, though I know I am often fallible in my judgment on those matters.

My Emotional Reaction to Criticism

Though I may be setting myself up for admitting it, I confess that I am a relatively thin-skinned person. Criticisms make me feel lousy. More times than I would like to admit, I get defensive when I encounter criticisms. My first reaction is to respond with my own heated rhetoric. That is why I usually hold to my own twenty-four hour rule: Don’t respond until twenty-four hours have passed. If I wait a day, I will respond more reasonably; or I will elect not to respond at all.

So why have I allowed myself to lead an organization and write books and articles when I know I’m opening myself up for criticisms? How does a thin-skinned introvert allow these things to happen? Good questions. I haven’t figured them out myself. One possible answer is that I am really stupid. In fact, I think that is the more logical answer.

The Other Side of Criticisms

But I began this article with the title clearly stating that I’m speaking directly to my critics. Please allow me to do so.

Despite my fleshly weaknesses in dealing with you critics, I really owe you my deepest appreciation. You remind me that I am fallible, and that I should never think I can do or say things well in my own power. If I become proud because I think I’ve accomplished something significant, you offer me balance and perspective.

Many of you who are critical of me are right, and I am wrong. I need to remember that. When I come to the haughty conclusion that I am an expert or person of influence, you remind me that there are millions of people smarter than I am, wiser than I am, and more godly than I am.

Some of you are critical of me because you are hurting. I am connected to something or have said something that has caused you pain. Instead of being defensive to you, I need to be more pastoral, more Christ-like, and more concerned. I need to see past the anger and to see the child of God that you are.

Thank You

Please allow me to conclude with a few painful truths. First, I am fearful that this article will open me up to more criticisms. I should rejoice when God uses you as an instrument to humble me, but I am still weak and fearful. Second, I don’t want to pretend that this article is some type of resolution that will make me the perfect recipient of criticisms. I know I will still fail and continue to struggle with my weaknesses.

But I do want you to know, critics, that I thank you for your words of admonition. I have a strange relationship with you. I dread you and I need you. There will be times when I am right and you are wrong. But there will be many times when you are right and I am wrong.

Could I boldly ask you to do one thing for me if you are my critic? It is unfair to ask anything of you since you are already disappointed in me, my words, or my actions. Will you pray that I will have God-given wisdom to deal with those who disagree with me? Only in His strength can I ever hope to be the kind of leader He wants me to be.

Thank you, critics. I really do appreciate you.

Strange words from me. Strange words indeed.

What Non-Christians Think of Christians — Rainer on Leadership #020

Podcast Episode #020

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One of the most polarizing posts recently on the blog was one on what non-Christians think about Christians. So in this week’s podcast episode, Jonathan and I expound on that topic and the discussion that surrounded the post. The four points conveyed to me through blog comments from non-Christians were:

Demonstrate Respect and the Interest of Others
Don’t Condescend and Discriminate
Really Care about the Non-Christian and Show It
Demonstrate Compassion and Respect

I had already received much of this same feedback when Nellie Jo and I were researching and conducting interviews for our book The Unexpected Journey. Over the years, it seems that opinions of Christians haven’t changed much from before.

Finally, since this weekend is the opening weekend of college football, we just had to address that as well. Roll Tide.

Episode Sponsor

This week’s podcast is brought to you by LifeWay Research. LifeWay Research assists and equips church leaders with insight and advice that will lead to greater levels of church health and effectiveness. Let LifeWay Research improve the impact of your ministry by improving communications, focusing leadership, mobilizing believers, understanding trends, discovering opportunities, and reaching new people. Visit them online at LifeWayResearch.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free autographed copy of I Am a Church Member.

Resources

The Unexpected Journey
The Unchurched Next Door

Friday Is for Freebies: The Community of Jesus & an HCSB Minister’s Bible

This week’s giveaway includes a pair of ministry resources. First is The Community of Jesus. Intended for upper division college students, seminarians, and pastors, The Community of Jesus delivers a biblical, historic, systematic, and missional theology of the church. Today the word church provokes wide-ranging reactions and generates discussion on a variety of issues among Christians and non-Christians alike. In order to sort through this maze of responses and topics, a biblical and theological foundation must be laid that provides a clear vision of the church of the Lord Jesus Christ and its significance in God’s eternal purpose.

Also included is a two-tone simulated leather version of the HCSB Minister’s Bible. This newly designed edition is ideal for pulpit use with its large type, wide margins, and extensive ancillary notes from many of today’s top preachers and church leadership voices.

Some features of the Bible include:

Where to Turn When . . .
Plan of Salvation
Four-color presentation page
Various wedding and funeral outlines by Jim Henry
“8 Traits of Effective Church Leaders” by Thom S. Rainer
“21 Essentials of Authentic Ministry” by James T. Draper
“Four Kinds of Expositional Preaching” by Ed Stetzer
“30 Keys to Giving an Invitation” by O. S. Hawkins
“Leading a Child to Christ” by Bill Emeott
“Reaching Students with the Gospel” by Lynn H. Pryor
“The Importance of Baptism and Communion” by Rick White
Commitment Counseling
The Christian Year and Church Calendar
The Apostles and Their History

To be eligible to win, answer the following question:

What are your Labor Day weekend plans?

The deadline to enter is midnight CDT this Saturday.  We will draw one winner from the entries on Monday morning.

By entering, you acknowledge and accept the terms of the promotion.

Notable Voices – August 29, 2013

Measuring Church Health: Are We Understaffed or Overstaffed? — Tony Morgan

The old rule of thumb for members to full-time church staff was 150:1. Tony modifies that to indicate the current trends in church attendance to one minister for every 86 attendees. While not every local church will fit in the formula, it’s always helpful to have a guide when considering adding staff.

 

Nine (More) Things You Should Know About Duck Dynasty — Joe Carter

Joe’s “Nine Things…” lists cover a wide range of topics. Last week, he took on America’s favorite camo-clad family.

 

7 Ways to create a Courageous Organizational Culture — Brad Lomenick

A healthy, creative organizational culture is important for the success of companies and churches. Brad explores seven ways to improve the culture of your organization.

 

3 Ways Introverted Church Leaders Can Thrive in an Extroverted World — Deborah Wipf

Several of the readers of this blog are self-identified introverts. So is its author. These articles are helpful reminders for introverts like me.

 

The Three Most Amazing Letters in the Bible — Aaron Armstrong

Aaron shares the big biblical meaning behind a little word.

 

Trends in Church Staffing — William Vanderblomen

In this video from Ministry Grid, William Vanderbloemen, Founder & CEO of Vanderbloemen Search Group, discusses the trend of hiring church staff who are able to train and lead leaders in ministry instead of just hiring specialized ministers.

Five Different Ways Leaders Respond to Anonymous Critical Letters

Every leader will get one or more at some point in his or her leadership: the harsh, critical letter that is unsigned and unidentifiable. I recently asked via Twitter how leaders respond when they get the anonymous letter. The responses were fascinating.

First, it was evident that many leaders have received such letters. Second, most leaders and leadership groups view writers of these letters with a fairly negative view. They do not understand why they do not have the courage to criticize with clear identity, regardless of the consequences the writer may think he or she will face.

Overall we heard five common themes on how the leaders respond to anonymous letters. They are listed in order of frequency of response:

They quickly dispose of the letters. By far the most common response was to get the letter out of sight as quickly as possible. Many leaders simply do not believe an anonymous critic warrants any attention.
They never see them. A significant number of leaders have assistants who read their mail. They have been instructed to dispose of anonymous letters before the leader sees them. Some give the assistants the latitude to make exceptions if they deem the content really warrants it.
They ask confidants if any of the criticisms have merit. Only about one-fourth of leaders responding take this path. Some say they will go to their spouses first for insight and perspective.
They pray for the critic. Though the number was relatively small, some leaders did take this action. “The critic is obviously angry or hurting,” one leader responded. “The least I can do is to pray for that person.”
They make the criticism public.  A relatively small number of leaders will actually send copies of the criticism to a larger body. They then ask the group for any perspective they can offer.

Have you ever received an anonymous critical letter? How have you responded to it? What is your perspective on these five different approaches? What would you do if the critical letter about you was sent to several other people, perhaps people who have authority over you?

Pornography and Pastors

Guest post by Jay Dennis

Pastor, there are two truths I want to share: (1) Many of your fellow pastors are personally struggling with pornography and; (2) pastors must address the issue of pornography among the people they lead.

Several questions emerge based on these two truths. What if you are personally struggling with pornography? Who can you tell? Who can you trust? What if they break your confidence? What should you do? How should you broach the subject of pornography in the pulpit? I mean, it is awkward and could be controversial. Besides, are that many Christian men (and women) really struggling? Should the whole church have to endure the uncomfortable discussion on pornography in your preaching because a few are struggling?

The reality is, it is not just a couple of men in your church who are battling this temptation. Pornography has invaded the homes of the members of your church. Someone you know, someone you love, someone you are close to, is struggling at some level. Let me first address a pastor’s personal struggle and then how to approach the subject in church.

Pastor, if you are struggling, let me suggest that you do the following:

Confess this as sin and repent. Come clean with God, seek His forgiveness and turn from this sin and in the power of a resurrected Savior never do it again! Stand on the promise of God’s forgiveness. Also confess to your spouse!
Remove any pornography from your life and computer now! You cannot expect to overcome this sin if the temptation is readily available.
Install Internet filtering and accountability software on every computer. I have Covenant Eyes on my computer.
Get at least three accountability partners before the end of this day. Each week I have to answer seven hard questions from those who hold me accountable. Knowing I must give an account provides another layer of protection concerning matters of purity.
Find a qualified, Christian counselor with whom you can share.  You may need to address past wounds. Knowing you can bear your soul to someone who is bound by confidentiality has great benefit.
Give your spouse all passwords to your computers and phone. Ask her to periodically check the Internet history and your phone.
Daily open the Scriptures and read, reflect on, pray, and listen for the voice of God. At Join1MillionMen.org there is a Bible app that sends Scripture to your phone daily.
Surrender daily to the Holy Spirit’s control. This is not something you can will yourself to overcome. The power of the Holy Spirit is needed each day.
Rehearse the consequences to your walk with God, your marriage, your children, your testimony and the people you lead. Understand it could happen to you.
Get on the offensive in helping the men in your church by example and through your preaching.

Pastor, how can you broach the pornography issue? Here are seven easy steps.

Use the pulpit and publications of your church to open the door of discussion by sharing pornography statistics as it relates to Christians. The Bible speaks openly about the dangers of sexual sin. As one who proclaims the whole counsel of God, so should you.
Make resources available for any man (or woman) in your church such as the booklet Our Hardcore Battle Plan, A-Z which gives 26 practical tools to help win this fight. You provide resources for your congregation to grow spiritually, be sure to provide them with resources to overcome sin as well.
Appeal to Christian men by asking them to get materials to share with other Christian men and their own sons. In-home discipleship is critical in parenting. This should be a topic that parents cover with their children.
Ask the women in the church to pray for their husbands and mothers to pray for their sons. When wives and moms understand that this is the number one threat to their marriages and children, change can happen.
Challenge every man to make the pornography free commitment, even those who are not struggling. We call it “Getting on the wall.” In our lobby of the church we have built a wall and asked those who will make the pornography free commitment to place their commitment card there for all to see. On Join1MillionMen.org you can get on a virtual wall.
Encourage the discussion in the home and church about pornography. Encourage fathers and mothers to ask their children if they have ever been exposed to pornography and wives to ask their husbands if this is an issue for them.
Make it a regular part of your preaching ministry to address sexual issues from a biblical perspective. Dedicate at least one Sunday to challenge your people to a pornography free lifestyle.

We must no longer deny or ignore the problem. I call it the “Pink Elephant in the Church,” an obvious issue that seems too uncomfortable to address. Break the silence and address the topic of pornography head on. The majority of those in the church are ready for this discussion. Imagine if one million Christian men take seriously Jesus’ promise, “The pure in heart will see God.” Join the movement today and be one of 1,000,000 men committing and one of 1,000,000 women praying. We could experience revival in our generation!

Jay Dennis is the author of Our Hardcore Battle Plan: Joining in the War Against Pornography. Serving as Senior Pastor of Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Florida since 1996, Pastor Jay and his staff have enjoyed phenomenal growth, now serving over 9,000 members in a converted mall, on a 32 acre campus.  Pastor Jay has been featured in Billy Graham’s Decision Today radio show as well as Christianity Today.