Thom S. Rainer's Blog

A Quiz for Those of Us who Don’t Delegate Well

I’ll admit it: I struggle with delegation. It’s tough for me to admit that fact because of what it says about me, but an admission is a first step toward addressing the problem. If that’s where you are, I challenge you to take this quiz. Identify the reason(s) you don’t delegate, and then determine one step you will take in the right direction.

We base our worth on results. When we base our value on the success of the organization we lead, seldom do we delegate responsibility to others. It’s simply too risky to do so.We ignore the Body of Christ imagery in 1 Corinthians 12. We deny this imagery when we choose to play the role of every part of the Body – either by doing it all ourselves or by “cleaning up” what others have done.We’ve never seen good delegation modeled. In many cases, our own role models did all the work themselves, and we’ve followed faithfully in their steps.We suffer from “idolatry of the self.” What else can we call it if we believe (a) no one can do it better than we can, and thus (b) no one else should do it?We don’t have time or energy to train others. Training is time-consuming and messy. It’s just easier to do it all ourselves and cloak our efforts under “the urgency of the gospel.”We like control. Let’s face it: with every person we train and release, we move one step away from controlling everything under our watch.We’ve had bad experiences with delegation. Our past stories are defeating. We’ve spent so much time cleaning up messes that it’s just easier to avoid the mess in the first place.We have no system in place to help believers determine their giftedness. How can we delegate to people whose spiritual giftedness and passions we don’t know? And, that they themselves don’t even know because we offer no such training? Our churches don’t always see the need. “After all,” they say, “that’s why we hire staff.” For church members who think this way, delegation is just laziness and irresponsibility.We fear others will do better (and perhaps get the glory). Few people want to admit this possibility, but some of us wrestle with this thinking. Why let somebody else do it if that other person gets the recognition? We don’t see the vast needs of the world. It’s easy to hold on to everything when the full scope of our ministry is only our church and perhaps our community. Multiply those needs by the 4 billion people in the world who have little exposure to the gospel, however, and the need to delegate becomes obvious.We don’t pray enough for laborers. If we truly prayed like Jesus taught us in Luke 10:1-2—asking for more laborers—we would need to be prepared and willing to share the workload with others.

If you see yourself in this blog post, what one step will you take to begin to address your own life and ministry? Write down that step, and share it with an accountability brother or sister. Then, go do it!

The post A Quiz for Those of Us who Don’t Delegate Well appeared first on Church Answers.

Seven Areas Where Pastors Have Failed at Reading Minds

On rare occasions, I wish I could read minds.

To be honest, most of the time, I have absolutely no desire to know what people are thinking. Life is complicated enough without hearing every opinion or internal reaction floating through the heads of those around me. But there have been a few moments—some personal, some pastoral—when I would have gladly welcomed the ability.

Take birthdays and anniversaries, for example. I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wondering whether I got my wife the right gift or remembered the right date. But in the years I served as a pastor, the wish to read minds became less about convenience and more about survival.

Nearly every week, pastors share with me stories of moments when they missed something important—something they were expected to know but were never actually told. It’s as if some church members assume that pastors have a divine ability to sense every need, every occasion, and every disappointment.

Of course, we don’t.

But the expectations remain, and they’re often unspoken—until they’re violated. Then they erupt.

Here are seven common scenarios where pastors have “failed” at reading minds. And each of these examples reflects a deeper challenge that churches must face with honesty, grace, and a healthy dose of clear communication.

1. When a Church Member Is Sick or in the Hospital

“I got chewed out by a church member a month ago,” one pastor told me. “I failed to visit her while she was in the hospital. When I told her I didn’t know she had been admitted, she looked me in the eye and said, ‘You should have.’”

No phone call. No email. No family notification. Just the unspoken belief that the pastor should have sensed it somehow—through a sixth sense, perhaps, or a moment of divine revelation during a staff meeting.

This scenario is painfully common. The pastor is expected to be omniscient, while the member forgets that real communication involves… well, actual communication.

It’s heartbreaking, too, because pastors do care. Most would have been there in a heartbeat had they known. But they can’t show up where they’ve never been invited—or even informed. 

2. When There Is a Death

“I missed a funeral, and I’m still getting criticized for it,” noted a Colorado pastor. “A church member’s mother died. The funeral was about an hour away, but I didn’t hear about it until after the fact. When I apologized, she told me she doesn’t think she can keep giving to a church where the pastor neglects her.”

Let that sink in.

The pastor wasn’t notified. He wasn’t given a chance to care. Yet he’s still being judged as if he was negligent.

This is more than a scheduling error. It’s a sobering example of how some members equate care with telepathy. And when that expectation isn’t met, the spiritual ramifications—trust, giving, and participation—are put at risk.

3. When Emphasizing Ministries in the Church

This one came from a Church Answers mentoring group. A pastor had been giving more public attention to the children’s ministry than the student ministry. It wasn’t intentional favoritism—it was a reflection of the reporting culture.

“The children’s ministry sends regular updates,” the pastor explained. “They hold quarterly check-ins, invite me to events, and share stories. I rarely hear anything from the student ministry.”

That nuance didn’t matter to one elder, who warned the pastor that he was “in trouble” for appearing to play favorites.

Once again, the pastor wasn’t ignoring anyone on purpose—he was simply more aware of the ministry that made itself visible.

You can’t champion what you don’t see. And pastors can’t read the internal expectations of ministry leaders who remain silent.

4. When There Is a Meeting

“She knew I didn’t know about the meeting,” the pastor said, “but she was still furious.”

The woman in question had hosted a team meeting for a church initiative. The pastor was never told it was happening. Yet afterward, she scolded him for not attending.

“The pastor is supposed to know what’s going on in the church,” she said.

How? By spiritual osmosis?

This situation illustrates how church dynamics can sometimes mirror dysfunctional family systems, where people expect others to “just know” their needs, their plans, and their disappointments.

Meetings require calendars. Calendars require invitations. And pastors require heads-up notice, not hindsight blame.

5. When the Budget Is Being Prepared

“You don’t care anything about our ministry,” the deacon said. “There’s not a single dollar allocated to us in the new budget.”

The pastor was stunned. He hadn’t heard a word from the deacons about their desire for funding. Nothing was submitted. Nothing was discussed. Yet now, they were offended.

It was mind reading gone wrong—again.

Church budgeting is always delicate. But it becomes volatile when people assume their ministries are visible and prioritized without ever making them known.

A budget isn’t a theology test—it’s a communication tool. And silence during the planning phase guarantees disappointment when the numbers are finalized.

6. When Someone Wants to Talk

“Pastor, I’ve been really down lately. I don’t know why you haven’t taken time to call me.”

The pastor paused, then explained: “She was struggling with depression, but I didn’t know. She never reached out. She never told anyone. I have over 500 members in the congregation. I can’t possibly know what each one is going through unless someone tells me.”

This isn’t cold-heartedness—it’s reality.

Pastors aren’t omnipresent, and they aren’t emotionally intuitive for hundreds of people at once. They want to be available, but they rely on members—and ministry leaders—to tell them where the pain points are. 

7. When Someone Celebrates a Special Occasion

“I don’t know if I’ll survive this one,” a pastor confessed. “I missed the 50th wedding anniversary of one of our senior leaders. Her husband doesn’t attend church, and no one mentioned the celebration to me. But that explanation doesn’t seem to matter to her.”

In this case, the pastor didn’t miss out of laziness or neglect. He missed because he never knew. Still, the disappointment was real. The hurt was personal. And the fallout felt permanent.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and other milestones matter deeply to people. But pastors can’t possibly track all of them. Without help, they will miss some—and they’ll often carry the blame.

The Real Problem (and the Simple Solution)

In each of these seven examples, there is a common thread: unspoken expectations.

Pastors are expected to be aware, available, and attentive—even when no information has been shared. And when they inevitably fall short, the relational damage can be disproportionate and long-lasting.

But the solution is simple. Painfully simple.

Communicate.

Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s going on in your life. Don’t expect pastors to be at an event you didn’t invite them to. Don’t blame them for not acknowledging something you never shared.

Pastors and church staff carry hundreds of responsibilities and concerns every single week. They are shepherds, yes—but not psychic ones. They’re people who care deeply, but who can only respond to what they know.

So tell them. Talk to them. Write a note. Send an email. Make a call.

When communication replaces assumption, ministry flourishes.

Let’s stop expecting mind reading—and start practicing mutual grace.

The post Seven Areas Where Pastors Have Failed at Reading Minds appeared first on Church Answers.

The Exvangelical Narrative Is Overblown (What the Actual Numbers Reveal)

When speaking with Christian parents, I often sense a quiet anxiety about the faith journey their children might take. Many of them, especially those who are very active members of an evangelical congregation, worry that they might do or say something that causes their children to abandon their Christian faith and join the growing number of people who identify with no religion. I believe they are concerned, of course, about the eternal souls of their children, but they also worry about the social scorn they could face from other parents once it becomes known that their children “fell away” from the church. 

There are notable examples that highlight this concern. Tony Campolo, a sociologist, was renowned for his passionate sermons about God’s grace and the importance of forgiveness. However, one of his sons, Bart, became a prominent secular humanist as an adult. Similarly, John Piper’s son Abraham gained a significant

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The Church Number: $35.00 (Most Don’t Know It)

Welcome to a new feature I’m calling “The Church Number.” In my articles and podcasts, I’ll occasionally highlight one key number that tells a story about churches—numbers that often go unnoticed but carry tremendous meaning. Numbers can’t capture the full heart of ministry, but they can shine a light on trends, challenges, and opportunities that would otherwise remain hidden. My goal is simple: to give pastors and church leaders a clear, practical insight from just one number at a time.

Every Church Has a Number—But Most Don’t Know It

In this first installment, I want to talk about a number that quietly influences nearly every aspect of church life—budgets, staffing, outreach, missions, and even the long-term health of the congregation. It’s called Weekly Per Capita Giving, or WPCG. In its simplest form, WPCG is the giving of the church per attendee each week. Most churches have never calculated this number, yet it can be one of the clearest windows into financial health and stewardship habits.

Over the years, I’ve seen churches of every size use this number as a reality check. It helps pastors set realistic budgets, plan for future ministry, and assess whether their financial patterns are healthy or drifting. In this article, I’ll argue that the median WPCG across most churches is about $35.00, a number that aligns with our consultation work. While national research reports a slightly higher figure, understanding why those numbers differ can give leaders both insight and hope.

The Weekly Per Capita Giving (WPCG) Tells a Big Story in a Small Number

WPCG might sound like just another financial metric, but it tells a surprisingly big story in a very small number. It’s calculated by taking a church’s total giving for the year, dividing it by the average weekly attendance, and then dividing that result by 52 weeks. For example, if a church receives $182,000 in total gifts in a year and averages 100 people in attendance, the WPCG is $35.00. That means the average attender gives $35.00 per week to the church. It’s a simple calculation, but it packs a lot of meaning.

It’s important to note that the attendance number includes everyone—children, youth, and adults—not just those who give. This makes the WPCG a conservative measure, but that’s actually one of its strengths. It shows what the church is receiving per person present, regardless of age or ability to give. It reflects the full community the church is serving each week.

This number helps churches move beyond guesswork. It reveals how engaged people are financially and how realistic your budget may be. It also levels the playing field. A church of 75 people with a WPCG of $40.00 may be just as financially healthy as a church of 750 people with a similar number. When you track WPCG over time, you start to see patterns—growth, decline, plateaus—that often mirror the church’s overall vitality.

In a world where many pastors feel overwhelmed by spreadsheets and financial statements, WPCG offers clarity. It doesn’t solve every problem, but it gives church leaders one solid number to monitor and evaluate regularly. And most importantly, it starts a conversation about stewardship that is grounded in reality.

Why WPCG Isn’t a Perfect Number

As helpful as WPCG is, it’s not without its flaws. Like any number, it has limits—and wise church leaders need to understand where it can fall short.

First, WPCG doesn’t account for the socioeconomic realities of your community. A church in a low-income neighborhood will naturally have a lower WPCG than one in an affluent suburb, even if both churches are equally healthy and faithful. Comparing your WPCG to another church across town—or across the country—can be misleading if you don’t consider the financial background of the people you’re reaching.

Second, WPCG can go up for the wrong reasons. If your attendance drops but giving stays the same, your WPCG will rise—but that doesn’t mean your church is thriving. In fact, it may be a warning sign that fewer people are carrying more of the financial load.

Third, a church can have a low WPCG if its attendees are disproportionately young (children and youth don’t give much), or if it has a number of new Christians. Those new believers often know nothing about biblical generosity and stewardship.

Finally, WPCG can be skewed by one or two large givers. If a single donor gives an unusually large gift, it will raise your WPCG temporarily, but that may not reflect your true financial health over time. This is why WPCG should be viewed as one helpful indicator—not the only one.

Used wisely, WPCG can offer insight. But it needs context, humility, and thoughtful interpretation.

National Research Estimates Are Higher—But That’s Not the Whole Story

Some national church surveys and ministry research organizations report average WPCG estimates in the range of $42 to $54 per person per week. These figures typically come from dividing total annual giving by total attendance (including all ages), and then by 52 weeks. However, it’s important to note that most of these averages are based on larger, well-resourced churches that often have full-time staff, strong financial systems, and long-established stewardship cultures.

More importantly, those averages represent the mean, not the median. And in charitable giving, where a few high-dollar churches can skew the data, the median is often more helpful. Unfortunately, the median WPCG is not usually published in national reports. That omission leaves many pastors wondering how their church compares to a typical congregation—not just the average across a spectrum that includes megachurches.

The difference matters because most churches in America are small. The median church has about 65 in weekly attendance, and many are located in modest communities with limited financial capacity. A national mean, while helpful as a benchmark, likely overstates what the majority of churches experience week to week.

Our Church Consultations Show a More Modest, Real-World Number: $35.00

While national surveys are incredibly valuable, our hands-on work with churches tells a slightly different story. Through our recent consultations at Church Answers, working with a few hundred congregations across a variety of regions and denominations, we’ve consistently seen that the median Weekly Per Capita Giving (WPCG) is about $35.00. This isn’t theoretical data—it’s drawn from actual church budgets, giving records, and attendance reports we review directly with leaders.

Why the difference? The churches we consult are often small to mid-sized, which represents the vast majority of congregations in North America. Many of them are located in rural areas, small towns, or economically diverse neighborhoods. These churches may not show up in national averages with the same weight, but their financial realities are no less important—and no less faithful.

The $35.00 figure reflects what’s happening in the everyday life of the typical church. It’s not an ideal or a benchmark to chase—it’s simply a real number that helps pastors and leaders make better decisions. For many, discovering their WPCG brings clarity, context, and a greater sense of stewardship for what God has already entrusted to them.

What Your Church Can Learn from Its Own WPCG

You don’t need a research team to learn something powerful—you just need to calculate your own church’s WPCG. Once you know that number, it can become one of the most helpful tools in your leadership toolbox. It gives you a realistic picture of your church’s financial foundation, and it can guide your decisions without relying on guesswork or comparisons to churches in very different situations.

Start with a simple formula: take your total giving from the past 12 months, divide it by your average weekly worship attendance (including children and youth), and then divide by 52. That’s your WPCG. If you’ve never done this before, the number might surprise you. Whether it’s higher or lower than the national average or our consultation median, the real value comes in tracking it over time.

WPCG can help you set a reasonable budget, spot unhealthy financial trends, or celebrate steady faithfulness. It can also alert you if a small number of givers are carrying too much of the load or if a decline in attendance is masking financial strain.

You don’t have to chase someone else’s number—but you should know your own. That one figure can provide insight, stability, and even hope for the road ahead.

Don’t Be Discouraged—Be Informed and Intentional

Learning your church’s WPCG isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. Whether your number is above $50.00, below $35.00, or somewhere in between, it doesn’t define your faithfulness or effectiveness. Every church has a unique story, shaped by its people, community, and calling.

The goal isn’t to hit a certain number—it’s to understand where you are and lead wisely from there. A low WPCG isn’t a failure; it might reflect a young congregation, a struggling community, or a season of transition. A high WPCG doesn’t mean you can relax; it might be propped up by a few generous givers or declining attendance. Either way, the number is a tool, not a verdict.

Use it to start healthy conversations, shape thoughtful stewardship strategies, and plan your ministry with insight. WPCG won’t tell you everything, but it can point you in the right direction.

In the end, it’s not about the number—it’s about the people behind it, and the ministry ahead of you. Knowing your church’s WPCG simply helps you serve them better. And that’s something worth measuring.

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The Top Reasons for Church Conflict (Why Fights Start Over Trivial Matters)

Some churches have disagreements over matters of consequence—doctrine, governance, or leadership. This article is not about such cases. 

We’ve encountered some strange reasons for church conflict. 

There was the time a church fought over the appropriate length of the pastor’s beard.Or the case of a church fighting over whether to build a children’s playground or to use the land for a cemetery.We witnessed a conflict over people leading worship with their eyes closed during a portion of the song. One church held two business meetings to determine which weed-eater to purchase. Lastly, a church had a 70% affirmative vote to excommunicate a deacon who threatened to kill the pastor. The running joke was, “Thirty percent of this congregation wants the pastor dead.”

Some of these examples may seem petty. Well, they are. And all of them could have been avoided. Just about every church has multiple examples of fights over inconsequential matters. What leads to this point? The problem is too pervasive to ignore. 

Conflict over trivial matters, especially in churches, usually isn’t really about the trivial matter at all. I took a deep dive into hundreds of our consultations and coaching relationships. Here is what I discovered.

The surface issue masks a deeper issue. When a church fights over what color the carpet should be, it’s rarely about the carpet. It’s often about control, influence, or feeling heard. The “small” issue becomes a safe battlefield to fight a “bigger” but unspoken issue.

Emotional over-investment in traditions. In churches, even small traditions—like a particular classroom arrangement, holiday programming, or decorations—can carry deep emotional meaning. Changing them feels like erasing history, dishonoring past generations, or disrupting personal identity. While people should not devote so much emotional energy to these things, they do. 

Low-trust environments amplify small problems. In a high-trust church, a minor disagreement can be handled with grace. In a low-trust environment, every decision is suspect, so even small changes are viewed through the lens of fear and skepticism.

The “last straw” phenomenon. A trivial issue sometimes becomes the breaking point after years of built-up frustration. People channel all their pent-up irritation into one minor conflict because it feels more manageable than addressing the deeper, messier problem.

Displaced conflict. Members may have personal frustrations (marriage, work stress, health issues) that they subconsciously displace onto church matters. The church becomes the arena where unrelated tension spills over. We see this a lot with people who are upset about progress in their professional careers. They can’t yell at their boss, so they take it out on their pastor.

Personal identity is intertwined with church identity. Churches are deeply tied to people’s sense of community and spiritual identity. Even small changes can feel like a threat to “who we are” as a church family, or “who I am” as a person, so people defend the status quo passionately.

Small matters are easier to argue about. Fighting over what to call small groups is easier than addressing gossip. Debating a budget line item is safer than confronting a broken relationship. Minor issues become proxy battles for bigger but harder conversations.

Every church will experience a fight over something trivial. The problem is not in an argument over carpet color, beard length, or weed-eater purchases. The danger lies in the erosion of trust that occurs when trivial disputes multiply over time and are left unresolved. How can the small stuff stay small? The health of a church is revealed not in the absence of disagreements, but in how those disagreements are handled with humility, grace, and a shared desire to glorify God above all else.

Satan doesn’t need big issues to divide a church—just small ones left unchecked.

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3 Actionable Ways Church Leaders Can Emphasize Prayer This Fall

Most Christians have a complicated relationship with prayer.

On the one hand, every Christian understands prayer is not only the means by which we communicate and draw near to our Heavenly Father, it’s also God’s prescribed means for change to happen. In that sense, there’s never a wrong time to pray. This is at least part of what James emphasized in his letter:

Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven (James 5:13-16). 

On the other hand, there are few things in our lives as Christians that create a greater sense of guilt. Despite knowing we should pray, we often do not. Or we don’t pray long enough. Or faithfully enough. Or fervently enough. Even though prayer is an incredible privilege, we often find ourselves feeling lacking.

How, then, can you as a church leader encourage the rhythm of prayer in your church this fall? 

Here are three immediately simple and actionable ways:

1. Model It.

What place does prayer have in your worship service? Often, we treat prayer as a “transition point” – it’s the way we move from one segment of the worship service to another without disruption. It’s the means by which the worship pastor can exit the stage and the pastor can get on. Or it’s the way the sermon ends and the worship service transitions back to musical worship. Nothing wrong with those various points of prayer, but in modeling it, it should be more.

Consider, at least for a season, devoting a significant amount of time to prayer in the worship experience. This might be an extended pastoral prayer, a time of congregational prayer, or a guided prayer led by someone on the stage.

2. Make Room for It.

In the small group environment, prayer is one of the things that often gets pushed to the end. Our group leaders focus on the content, the fellowship, and the discussion that make up the small group, and if there’s time, we have a prayer at the end to close things out.

The second actionable way to emphasize prayer is to filter a new vision for prayer through those leaders. To do that, they will have to see that prayer is a component of the small group that cannot get shoved to the side in favor of other things. The group leader, for example, might have a target time in mind for when to begin the prayer time during the group in order to make sure room is left for it to happen.

3. Align Around It.

One other way to bring emphasis to prayer is to align the congregation around it. This would mean preaching a sermon series about prayer, and then calling on small groups to have that same emphasis for a season. At Rooted Network, we wanted to make this last point as simple as possible.

That’s why we have created a sermon series outline about prayer you can download for free. This sermon series aligns with the Prayer Bible study for small groups. Using these tools, you can place a 5-week emphasis on prayer that runs from the stage to the individual inside every small group.

Corrie Ten Boom once wrote, “Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees.” She was right. It’s not enough to intend to pray; we must commit to it and follow through. Like a muscle, the rhythm of prayer can be built into your congregation, but it won’t happen by accident.

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10 Essential Questions for Church Leaders to Build and Maintain Trust

In my 20s, I served at a church that gave me a key to my office but not any other lock on the campus. They trusted me to open God’s Word every Sunday but not the door to the flower closet. 

Trust is the foundation of every healthy church. Without it, unity crumbles, ministry slows, and relationships fracture. With it, your church will pursue God’s mission together.

How can we define trust in the context of ministry? Trust is the confident expectation that others will act with integrity, competence, and consistency, with the best interests of the church and its mission in mind.

Four Key Elements of Trust

Trust in ministry isn’t built on good intentions alone. It rests on a few essential qualities that leaders must embody. These qualities form the framework that allows people to follow with confidence and serve with joy. Without them, even the most compelling vision or strategy will struggle to gain lasting support.

Character – Do you do what you say you’ll do? Are you honest and ethical?Competence – Are you capable and skilled for the ministry tasks entrusted to you?Consistency – Are you dependable over time, not just when things are going smoothly?Care – Are you genuinely concerned about the people you lead?

When one of these elements erodes, trust begins to falter. And while it may take years to build trust, it can be broken in a single careless moment.

The Cost of Low Trust in a Church

When trust erodes in a church, ministry begins to slow, and relationships start to strain. People grow cautious and second-guess motives. Over time, the energy that should be spent advancing the gospel gets diverted into protecting turf, managing conflict, and repairing fractured relationships.

Low-trust congregations tend to see:

Fear and self-preservation instead of openness and transparency.Micromanagement and control instead of empowering ministry.Gossip and blame-shifting instead of healthy conflict resolution.Siloed ministries instead of collaborative teamwork.Burnout and disengagement instead of joyful service.

Conversely, high-trust churches enjoy faster decision-making, more effective ministry, deeper relationships, and greater resilience in times of crisis.

10 Essential Questions for Church Leaders

These ten questions will help you assess and grow trust in your ministry. They are written in the first person, so you can ask them of yourself and have others on your leadership team do the same.

Do I consistently follow through on what I say I’ll do, even in the small things? Reliability in small matters lays the groundwork for credibility in larger ones.Do others see me as competent and prepared for my ministry responsibilities? Spiritual passion must be matched with skillful stewardship.Am I steady and dependable, even under pressure or in conflict? Consistency builds confidence; volatility erodes it.Do I genuinely care for the people I lead, not just the ministry tasks they perform? People trust shepherds who love them as individuals, not just as volunteers.When trust is broken, am I quick to own my part and make it right? Humility and repentance are powerful trust-rebuilders.Do I communicate openly and clearly, or do I leave people guessing? Clear communication prevents confusion, suspicion, and division.Am I someone who listens actively and values the perspectives of others? Listening signals respect and makes people feel heard.When conflict arises, do I handle it directly and respectfully, or do I avoid it? Avoidance leaves wounds festering; honest resolution fosters healing.Do I give credit where it’s due and celebrate others’ contributions? Gratitude strengthens loyalty and morale.Do I create a safe environment where people can speak openly and take risks? Emotional safety encourages creativity, honest feedback, and vulnerability.

Trust Is a Daily Investment

Trust is not a one-time achievement but a daily investment. Every interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal in the “trust bank” of your church. When you lead with character, competence, consistency, and care, you not only strengthen relationships, you also strengthen the witness of your church to a watching world. Trust builds unity, unity fuels mission, and mission changes lives.

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Raising the Next Generation to Run After the Kingdom

In our house right now we have two teenagers and a preteen, which means life is full of school schedules, sports practices, group texts, and lots of conversations about what it means to grow up. On top of that, my job as a teacher to upper school students gives me a front row seat into the daily lives of teenagers. When I see statistics about Gen Z or watch reels and news clips talking about them, it is never just a number or a soundbite. It is faces I know, stories I have heard, and struggles I see up close.

And here is what I keep noticing. These students are carrying an enormous weight. Anxiety and depression are climbing. Schedules are overflowing. There is pressure to make the grade, to earn the scholarship, to perform on the field, and to keep up socially. All of this comes at a stage of life when they are still figuring out who they are and what they are made for.

As parents, mentors, and church leaders, we want to set them up for success. We push them to work hard, to get involved, and to be responsible. None of these are bad things, but sometimes in our good intentions we end up modeling the exact opposite of what we actually desire for them. Instead of helping them run after the Kingdom of God, we accidentally teach them to chase after status, money, and achievement. We pile on more activities or more expectations and send the subtle message that their worth is measured by what they do, but what our kids desperately need is not more pressure, but a steady and faithful voice to realign back to who God made them to be. They need us to remind them that their value is not attached to performance, productivity, or perfection.

So how do we actually lead them toward this truth? I want to share three reminders that have shaped the way I think about raising and leading the next generation.

1. Recognize the Messages They Are Absorbing

Before we rush in with solutions, we need to pause and recognize what students are actually hearing. Many teenagers I talk with say they feel like all adults see is what they are not doing right. They are criticized for being addicted to technology. They are told they are disengaged or distracted. They are warned that they will not make it if they do not achieve more or work harder.

What this does is reinforce a sense that they are always falling short. Instead of hearing that they are seen and valued, they walk away with the belief that they are a disappointment. When our tone consistently focuses on what is wrong, we fail to communicate what is true about them. The truth is they are image bearers of God. They have been entrusted with gifts, talents, and potential that God himself has designed. If all they hear is negative messaging, they will begin to believe their lives are defined by their failures instead of God’s grace.

As leaders and parents we need to be honest about the real challenges of this generation, but we also need to be intentional about calling out their strengths, ingenuity, and that they can tackle hard challenges.

2. Help Them See Who They Are

One of the greatest gifts we can give the next generation is a clear vision of who they are in Christ. Every student, whether they know it or not, is longing for belonging and identity. They want to know they are loved, they aren’t alone, and that their lives matter.

This means we have to help them slow down enough to notice how God has uniquely wired them. Yes, they have strengths and talents, but they also have weaknesses and struggles. And both matter. In fact, it is often in their weakness that they will most clearly see God’s power and grace.

It is wise for us to acknowledge for them that they likely won’t be good at every subject. School is designed to equip you across a field of disciplines, and the student who excels in art may not be great at math, or the history buff may really struggle with science. Pointing out their strengths helps them to acknowledge their God given abilities and gifts to use in a broken and longing world.

When we only highlight performance, grades, or achievements, we send the message that they are loved for what they do. But when we point out character, kindness, or courage, we remind them that their value comes from who they are and whose they are. As mentors, parents, and leaders we must model a different way of living, one that shows that our identity is not rooted in status or salary but in Christ alone.

This also means we need to resist the temptation to live through our children or to burden them with our own dreams of success. Our calling is not to make sure they climb the ladder the world has built, but to show them how to walk faithfully with Jesus in the calling he has given them.

3. Provide Practical Pathways Forward

If we want the next generation to run after the Kingdom of God, we cannot only talk about it in abstract terms. We need to provide practical help and steps. Here are a few that I have found helpful:

Create space for rest. Encourage rhythms of Sabbath and margin. This may mean saying no to another activity or stepping back from an overloaded schedule. Our kids need to know that rest is part of God’s design.Celebrate character, not just achievement. When they show integrity, kindness, or resilience, make sure to name it and affirm it. This helps them see what really matters in God’s economy.Model dependence on God. Let them see you pray, seek wisdom, and admit weakness. Own your mistakes and share when you struggled at their age, but how you have seen God’s faithfulness. When they watch you rely on God, they will understand that their own lives do not have to be lived in self-sufficiency.Invite them into God’s mission. Help them see that they are not just waiting for adulthood to matter. They can serve, love, and join in God’s redemptive work right now.

The next generation does not need a heavier load of expectations. They need parents, mentors, and leaders who remind them of their worth in Christ and point them toward his Kingdom. Our role is not to make them into who we think they should be but to help them discover who God has created them to be.

When we do this, we will raise up a generation that knows their value is not attached to performance, popularity, or perfection. Instead, they will be grounded in the truth that they are beloved children of God, called to live for his glory and his purposes in the world.

The post Raising the Next Generation to Run After the Kingdom appeared first on Church Answers.

It’s Not the Music or Preaching: What Truly Draws the Unchurched (New Research!)

What actually prompts people to attend church? We surveyed 604 people in the United States from a variety of backgrounds. We asked the same questions of two groups.

Those who attend church regularly. Those who do not attend church regularly.

After comparing the two groups, we found new, surprising insights of the unchurched. One of the most surprising findings from our recent research was the simplicity behind what moves people to attend church for the first time (if unchurched) or to choose a new congregation (if churched). While many leaders assume that polished programming, charismatic preaching, or cutting-edge worship styles are the strongest magnets, the data reveals otherwise. 

The unchurched are often characterized as indifferent to church life. As we discovered in our research, many do not harbor hostility; they are simply disengaged. That indifference, however,

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The post It’s Not the Music or Preaching: What Truly Draws the Unchurched (New Research!) appeared first on Church Answers.

Things I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Pastorate

I grew up in a church tradition that viewed being “called to preach” as the ultimate in spiritual attainment. At one time in the 1980s the church’s hallway featured photos of between ten and fifteen young men and grown men who had “answered the call.” We attended our pastor’s “Young Prophets Class” on Sunday evenings where he preached to us about the calling, and we preached to each other, trying desperately to sound like we knew what we were doing. 

We eventually started a periodic Sunday afternoon service at which one of us would preach to whomever showed up. I remember being instructed that we should increase the attendance because if we couldn’t, we probably wouldn’t be able to grow a church as the pastor. 

In 1989, I was called to my first church, beginning a full-time pastoral ministry lasting just over twenty years. But, since resigning a dearly-loved church in 2009, I haven’t held a full-time pastorate or staff position. Here are a few things I’ve learned since then.

1. Be content —and fruitful—wherever God places me.

As a young pastor, I was taught “the gifts and callings of God are without repentance,” which, of course, meant that anyone who ever announced a call to preach and didn’t preach was actively disobeying the call of God. But, really? 

What happens when you make yourself available to preach or seek opportunities for interim pastorates or pulpit-supply and no one calls? When your gifts are repeatedly reaffirmed by past congregants, but there is no place to exercise them. 

There simply is no call to “full-time paid pastoral service” outlined in the New Testament, and I had to come to grips with that. I can be a witness to Jesus anywhere and everywhere I come into contact with people, whether at a Christian publishing organization (check), a church planting ministry (check), or a retail tool store (check). 

2. People’s involvement is challenged because they are busy…and tired.

And it is not always by choice. 

A favorite pastoral target in recent years is families given over to “travel ball,” in which nearly every weekend is consumed by away baseball or football games, disallowing regular church attendance. Be not deceived: sports is not the only reason people are tired. 

Later middle-age, a time when past generations of Americans could see their wages increase and, with the kids grown and gone, prepare for retirement years, has become a sandwich. One slice of bread is kids staying at home because they can’t earn enough to move out, and the other slice is aging parents who need various degrees of care. 

People of all ages are augmenting their less-than-sufficient salaries (or creating primary income) with side gigs like Uber, Lyft, Door Dash, GrubHub, and Instacart. Others have permanent part-time income from freelance in the digital sphere. Most Americans aren’t working these long hours because they are greedy, but because it is the only way to make it through the month’s bills, prepare for economic uncertainty, or reduce their student debt. Nearly 40% of Gen Z work in a gig job. 

Not everyone chooses to put something over church attendance; they aren’t committing idolatry. Sometimes it’s their effort to simply survive. 

3. I was right to prioritize my own marriage.

That pastors’ marriages often suffer while they minister to other marriages is a truism. It’s one reason I previously wrote about three ways pastoral marriage longevity is obtainable.  

I probably made more mistakes as a pastor than I’ll ever know, but relegating my wife to second, third, or fourth place was not one of them. 

All marriages endure adjustment periods, but we didn’t have to introduce ourselves to each other after the pastorate ended. For that I am grateful.

4. The fruit of the Spirit does not require a pulpit to flourish.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 6:22, 23) 

Most anyone who has preached these words would have emphasized the fruit of the Spirit is expected of all Christians, not only missionaries, preachers, and seminary professors. No one needs a pulpit to bear 30-, 60-, or 100-times spiritual fruit. Thirty-fold isn’t limited to baby Christians, nor 100-fold exclusive to “professional” Christians. 

Contrariwise, fruit can burst forth outside the pastorate in ways you didn’t expect. 

So, don’t accept the thinking that you can only glorify God in pastoral ministry. Do some run Jonah-like in disobedience? Yes. But that isn’t every story. Sometimes the seasons do change. Don’t be saddened when the leaves turn; love God just as you did when they budded.

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