Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 5

The Top Ten Worst Church Guest Experiences

“Our church is really not for you.”

That was actually said to a guest by a church member. Not in jest. Not in passing. In all sincerity.

Unfortunately, it’s not the only instance of a church failing miserably to welcome someone new.

I’ve been fascinated by the topic of church guests for years. Maybe obsessed is a better word. I’ve written dozens of articles, led research projects, and gathered stories from across the country. Some of those stories are positive—uplifting, even. But others? They reveal a side of the church that’s hard to face.

In fact, one of my most-read blog posts—focused on how churches treat guests—has been viewed nearly one million times. It’s not viral because it’s funny or controversial. It’s viral because it hits a nerve.

So, I combed through hundreds of your comments and emails and compiled what I call the top ten worst guest experiences reported by real people in real churches. There’s no joy in sharing these stories, but there’s clarity. These experiences shine a spotlight on what must change if we truly want to be welcoming communities of grace.

1. “Our church is really not for you.”

A guest, visiting a church for the first time, was told by a member that she didn’t belong there. Why? Because she was Black. No one intervened. No one apologized. The church has since remained an all-white congregation, but it is declining rapidly—spiritually and numerically. The damage caused by that one comment cannot be overstated.

2. “You’re too late. You can’t come in.”

Two guests arrived late for a worship service. They were unaware that the church website had published the incorrect service time. When they finally found the right door, the ushers blocked them and told them the service had already started. They turned around and left, likely wondering why anyone would be so cold to visitors.

3. “We’re at capacity. You’ll have to leave.”

A single mom brought her four young children to church, looking for spiritual support and a safe place for her kids. But when she arrived at the children’s area, she was told the rooms were full—and that there was no room for her children. No alternatives were offered. She was sent home. Last I heard, she hasn’t returned to any church since. 

4. “That’s my parking spot.”

A guest attempted to park in an available space near the main entrance. Just as she was pulling in, a longtime member drove up, honked loudly, and told her the spot was his. The confrontation left her rattled. She drove off and never came back. To this day, that church member parks in the same spot each Sunday—alone.

5. “You’d be more comfortable somewhere else.”

A woman walked into church wearing clothing that didn’t match the unspoken dress code of the congregation. She was doing the best she could with limited means, but a member pulled her aside and suggested she might fit in better elsewhere. She never entered the sanctuary. Her only experience of that church was rejection at the door.

6. “Small groups are for members only.”

During a Sunday service, the pastor announced that the church’s small groups were exclusively for members. He stated clearly—and publicly—that guests were not allowed to join. Sitting in the congregation were several first-time visitors who had hoped to find a place to connect. Instead, they were shut out before they even had a chance.

7. “You’re in her pew.”

A family of six arrived early to find a seat together. They chose an open pew and settled in. A few minutes later, a longtime member approached and bluntly told them they needed to move. That was “her” pew. The guests quietly stood, walked out of the sanctuary, and didn’t return. The pew has remained mostly empty ever since.

8. “You’re singing too loudly.”

During a worship service, a guest was fully engaged—singing with joy and enthusiasm. A member seated nearby tapped him on the shoulder mid-song and told him he was singing too loudly. The moment crushed his spirit. He never returned, and that moment became his defining memory of that church.

9. “Let me tell you how terrible the pastor is.”

A guest, visiting a church for the first time, was approached by a stranger in the lobby. The stranger—who turned out to be a church member—immediately launched into a tirade about how terrible the pastor was. The guest didn’t know the member. He didn’t know the pastor. But he knew enough to realize he didn’t want to return.

10. Locked doors and no signs.

A single mom, struggling with three kids and carrying an umbrella, showed up in the rain for a Sunday service. She tried three doors—each one locked. There were no signs to guide her. Meanwhile, longtime members were entering through the one door everyone else “just knew” about. She eventually gave up and drove away, soaked and discouraged.

Final Reflections

There is no humor in these stories. Only heartbreak.

They’re not exaggerations or rare anomalies. They’re real accounts from real guests—people who took a chance on visiting a church, only to be met with indifference, inconvenience, or outright hostility.

These stories are painful to hear, but they matter. They reveal what happens when churches turn inward, when tradition trumps mission, and when “welcome” is just a word on a sign rather than a way of life.

Let them serve as reminders. As warnings. And perhaps most importantly, as invitations—to do better, to love more deeply, and to remember that every guest is a soul seeking a place to belong.

Let me hear from you.

The post The Top Ten Worst Church Guest Experiences appeared first on Church Answers.

Reasons Why I Have Hope for the North American Church . . . and How You Might Regain Hope, Too

Somedays, I’m a pessimist. If I don’t monitor my own heart, I can quickly see the foreboding negative in a situation—even if my thinking is skewed. On other days, I’m an optimist when I keep my eyes on God who has a plan that He is carrying out for His glory. Today, I’m the latter as I think about the North American church.

I realize not everyone is in that camp. I, too, get frustrated when I see the lack of evangelism in the local church. I grieve when I hear another story of a pastor who has fallen under the enemy’s attack. It’s painful to talk to believers whose church experiences have left wounds and scars. I also share the concern about the large number of retiring pastors and the too small numbers of potential replacements in the future. I really do understand why our hope for the North

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What Makes or Breaks Longevity in a Pastor’s Marriage?

There’s a two-decade-old, still quoted statistic that 50 percent of pastors’ marriages end in divorce. A 2017 Barna report said 10 percent of Protestant pastors have been divorced, but did not break out the percentage of those divorces that happened while in, or as a result of, the pastorate. Given more recent research that church-attending couples have lower divorce rates than the general population, it’s likely that pastoral divorce rates—if they ever were as high as 50%—have likely declined substantially. 

If there is any marriage situation that has more strain inflicted on it than a pastor’s marriage, I’ve yet to hear of it. The burdens pastors carry on behalf of their flock, the expectations placed upon them, and the sheer mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion have cracked or shattered the foundations of too many pastoral marriages. It’s a strategic area for Satan’s attacks. 

So, how can a pastor’s marriage last, and last with joy? Here are a few thoughts.

Stay on the same page.

I didn’t “answer the call to preach,” as we said it in my tradition, until after Sonya and I were married. We were still in our 20s with a young child, but I’d worked only in pest control, then overnight freight delivery after our vows. Thoughts of ministry were put away before we wed. 

When I announced that I was called to preach, she never questioned it. She, in fact, predicted it…sitting in the drive-thru at Dairy Queen. Hey, nothing like a little prophecy with your M&M’sTM BlizzardTM. 

Twenty years later, when we were discussing me resigning the pastorate in the middle of the financial crisis, she told me, “I wasn’t called to be a pastor’s wife; I was called to be your wife. Where God calls you, I go.” 

Being on the same page requires prayer, conversation, openness, honesty, humility, intentionality, and time. But it makes for a long marriage.

Always focus on each other.

Just days before I wrote these words, the now-infamous “Kiss Cam” shot of two co-workers wrapped in a very friendly embrace, went viral. To put it mildly, things are going downhill for them.

Pastors know too many stories like this. If it isn’t Kiss Cam, it’s a stray text message, a left-open email, or just plain suspicion. Emotional and physical affairs are real, and pastors are not immune.

If the first thing that happens leading to a pastoral divorce is forgetting your heavenly first love, surely the second is forgetting your earthly first love. (I’m using priority here, not chronology. Your 3rd grade Valentine probably isn’t the issue.)

Staying focused on each other requires a single immediate recognition—your focus has shifted to someone or something else—and a single immediate decision—to return your focus to your spouse. Focus is an act of the mind, the will, and the spirit. Make your spousal focus so intent and so clear that every possible distraction is out of focus by comparison.

The second you find yourself bringing something or someone else into focus, ask the Holy Spirit to refocus you on your first love.

Always nurture your physical relationship.

Several years ago, I developed a sermon series on sex. I won’t reveal the doesn’t-sound-as great-now series title, but the postcards sent to surrounding homes brought some unbelievers to check it out. 

In one of the sermons, I suggested that if you are married and too busy to have sex, schedule it on the calendar. “No,” I said, “it isn’t spontaneous, but at least it’ll happen.” The next week after the service, an 80-year-old man walked over and said, “It didn’t work, Marty.” “What didn’t work?” He said, “Writing it on the calendar.” “Did you try it?” “Yes,” he continued, “but I can’t get her to go in there and look at it.” 

Yeah, I laughed…a lot. 

I have sympathy with couples who are too busy to attend to their physical relationship, but I don’t want to enter into that particular suffering. I still believe married couples who are in Christ, unless inhibited by illness, inability, or distance, should not separate themselves physically except for times of prayer and fasting. Believe it or not, younger pastors, it requires as much as or more intentionality after 60-years-of-age as it did when your little ones ran you ragged; possibly for different reasons. 

Your physical relationship may eventually, for physical reasons, come to an end. If it does, you can still nurture your romantic relationship with great results.

Remember Jesus and his church.

Ephesians 5 is key: husband, love your bride as yourself and as Jesus loves and gave himself for his bride (vs 25–31, 33); wife, submit to and respect your husband as to the Lord (vs 22-24, 33); and both, submit to each other in the fear of Christ (v 21). 

It’s true there are marriages outside of Christ that endure. Not all 50th and 60th anniversaries are celebrated in the fellowship hall. But, for pastoral marriage to find longevity—and dare I say, joy?— remain focused on each other, stay on the same page, nurture your physical relationship, and keep Jesus and his bride as your foremost example of marriage longevity.

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Six Critical Issues to Prevent Church Members from Dropping Out

Gary McIntosh and Charles Arn wrote a deeply insightful book several years ago titled What Every Pastor Should Know. As someone who values both research and real-life church application, I find the data in this book incredibly helpful. One of the most eye-opening sections focuses on church member retention—and the patterns behind why people drop out. The findings are not only illuminating; they’re actionable.

Two key discoveries from their research stand out:

82 percent of church members who drop out leave within the first year of joining.Dropouts are not random. Most leave around the six-month or twelve-month mark.

In essence, new members seem to give the church a “trial run,” or what McIntosh and Arn call a “test,” at two major intervals—six months and twelve months. If the church passes the six-month test, most members will stay for another six months. If the church also passes the twelve-month test, those members are far more likely to stick around long-term. In other words, retention hinges on how well a church engages its new members during their first year.

Let’s walk through these two “tests” and explore how churches can use this framework to dramatically reduce dropout rates.

The Six-Month Test: The Belonging Phase

By the six-month mark, every new church member is asking three basic—yet critical—questions. These questions might not be spoken out loud, but they’re felt deeply. They’re questions of connection, identity, and welcome.

1. Have I made friends in this church?

This is the first and most fundamental question. Their research shows that new members who stay active in their church make an average of seven new friends within the first six months. In contrast, dropouts typically make fewer than two.

This number is telling. It reminds us that while theology, programs, and preaching matter, relationships are often the glue that holds people in a congregation. Friendship is not a fringe benefit of church life—it’s central. When someone walks into a church, they’re not just looking for a seat. They’re looking for a place to be seen and known.

Church application:

Assign “friendship ambassadors” to connect with new members in the first few weeks.Encourage long-term members to initiate coffee, lunch, or small group invitations with newcomers.Consider creating informal fellowship events designed specifically for new members to meet others.

2. Is there a place in the church where I fit?

People stay where they feel like they belong. This sense of “fit” often comes from being part of a smaller group—a Sunday School class, a home group, a ministry team, or a serving opportunity.

The large crowd on Sunday can feel overwhelming. It’s in the smaller communities that people begin to feel like they matter.

Church application:

Connect every new member to a group within their first 30 days.Emphasize “next steps” not as optional but as essential to church life.Train group leaders to intentionally pursue and include new faces.

3. Does this church really want me here?

The warmth and welcome someone feels on their first Sunday should continue well past the membership class. New members subconsciously evaluate whether the church’s friendliness was just a first-impression strategy or a genuine culture.

They’re also asking, “Am I being invited into ministry?” Engagement is a powerful indicator of belonging.

Church application:

Invite new members to serve within their first 60 days.Celebrate new volunteers publicly to affirm their importance.Make follow-up contact after the first visit, then again after 30, 60, and 90 days.

If a church helps new members answer these three questions positively in the first six months, they’ve likely passed the first test. The member will probably stick around for another six months. But they’re not yet fully assimilated. Another test awaits.

The Twelve-Month Test: The Meaning Phase

Around the one-year mark, members begin asking deeper questions. The first phase was about belonging; this second phase is about significance. Do I matter here? Is this church worth the investment of my life and time?

4. Are my new friends as good as my old friends?

Early church friendships can feel warm and promising, but by month twelve, people assess the depth of those relationships. Are these surface connections, or have they grown into real, trusted friendships?

The truth is, people will drift if they feel their relational needs aren’t being met—especially if they’ve left behind deep friendships at a previous church.

Church application:

Equip small group leaders to foster relationships, not just content delivery.Offer retreat or intensive group experiences to deepen relational bonds.Encourage testimonies of how community has changed lives.

5. Does the group meet my needs?

After investing six months or more in a group, people naturally begin to ask whether it’s worth the continued effort. If the group feels stale, unfocused, or unhelpful, they may slowly disengage. And once they disengage from the group, the church itself is often not far behind.

Church application:

Regularly evaluate your groups and offer leadership coaching.Give groups permission to multiply, pivot, or transition formats if needed.Provide content or training that keeps groups fresh and aligned with church values.

6. Is my contribution important?

This final question is perhaps the most existential. It goes beyond friendships and beyond needs. At its core, it’s about purpose. Am I making a difference in this church? Is this just a place I attend, or is it a mission I’m helping carry out?

People want to be part of something that matters. If they sense that their time, talents, or resources aren’t needed—or worse, aren’t noticed—they may walk away.

Church application:

Communicate the “why” behind every role in the church.Offer quarterly volunteer check-ins to affirm and support team members.Celebrate stories of impact, connecting people’s efforts to changed lives.

Why This Timing Matters

The six- and twelve-month timelines are not arbitrary. They represent key emotional and spiritual checkpoints in a new member’s journey. Ignore them, and you risk losing people who were once eager to grow. Recognize and respond to them, and you have the opportunity to build a church filled with engaged, long-term disciples.

This framework isn’t just about retention—it’s about discipleship. It’s about stewarding the people God brings to your church. Each new member is a gift and a responsibility. These six questions help churches fulfill that responsibility with intentionality and grace.

Next Steps for Your Church

Audit Your Assimilation Process
Map out what a new member experiences in their first year. Identify gaps in relational connection, group involvement, and ministry invitations.Empower Your Leaders
Make sure every ministry team, small group leader, and staff member understands these six questions. Equip them to respond with action and care.Measure What Matters
Track retention rates at 6 months and 12 months. Gather feedback from new members and use it to refine your process.Celebrate Progress
Don’t wait until a member has been around for years to affirm them. Celebrate milestones—30 days, 6 months, 1 year—with gratitude and encouragement.

Retention is not about gimmicks. It’s about relational and spiritual investment. If your church can help new members say “yes” to these six questions, you won’t just grow your attendance—you’ll grow your people.

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Don’t Miss Her: Gospel Intentionality in a New School Year

It’s the start of a new school year. The backpacks are packed, the alarms are set, and the calendar is already filling up with practices, meetings, and permission slips. We’re back in the rhythm of rushed mornings, school pickup lines, overpriced water bottles that always seem to go missing, and group chats that never sleep comparing schedules and extracurriculars.

But somewhere in the middle of that blur is her.

She’s new to the school.

New to the neighborhood.

New to motherhood.

New to the season of life.

New to faith—or still far from it.

And she’s watching. Wondering. Hoping someone will notice and more than that, hoping someone will help. 

I’ve been her more times than I can count. With several moves and three boys, I often found myself in the new category more often than I wanted to be. And if I’m honest, those seasons were filled with overwhelm, second guessing, and a deep sense of loneliness.

As women who follow Jesus, we are called to live with eyes wide open and hearts tuned to the Gospel. In all the newness of fall, it’s easy to miss what matters most: the people God is placing right in front of us.

The New Year Isn’t Just Hard for Kids

Starting something new as an adult is intimidating. Walking into a room where everyone already knows each other or showing up to the first meeting and having so many questions and feeling too embarrassed to ask. Wondering if you belong and if your kids will be okay.

Maybe you’ve been there. I know I have.

Maybe you’re still there.

And maybe that’s exactly the reminder we need: if we’ve felt it, someone else is feeling it now.

Romans 12:13 tells us, “Practice hospitality.” That’s more than opening our homes. It is opening our lives to others around us. It’s keeping a seat open. Making space. Extending an invitation. In my experience the older your kids get the harder it is to connect. What came so naturally on the playground or in the church nursery is awkward and sparse in the seasons of driver’s license and empty nesting. In every stage and season we have to be intentional to look for and seek her out. 

Why We Miss Her

Let’s be honest—it’s not that we don’t care. It’s that:

We’re busy and overscheduled.

We stick with what’s comfortable.

We assume it’s someone else’s role to bring her in.

We fear awkwardness or rejection, but gospel love pushes through that because we know what every heart needs.

I’m reminded of the stories of Jesus, who was never hurried or distracted. He was often the new one stepping into new cities and social circles and he models for us so well what it means to see the one, and invite them in.

He saw Zacchaeus hiding in a tree.

He saw the woman at the well when others avoided her.

He saw the bleeding woman who dared to reach for His robe.

He saw people, and then He loved them.

That’s our model. Evangelism doesn’t most often begin with a track, it begins with eye contact. With kindness. With “you’re welcome to sit with us.” 

The Gospel starts when we choose to see people the way Jesus did.

This Year, Let’s Be Intentional

You don’t have to do everything, but you can do something. 

Here are a few ways to lean in:

Text the new mom you met at orientation.Invite the family next door over for dinner.Ask to sit with the couple in the bleachers sitting alone.Host a casual coffee morning for after drop off for your child’s class parents.Offer to pray for a mom walking through something hard.Share your story, and listen to hers.

You never know what someone is carrying into their new season or how God might use your yes to change their life and yours. Maybe evangelism feels intimidating. You don’t want to mess it up or you are the introverted wallflower who overthinks every conversation, but remember: God uses availability more than ability. Sometimes the most powerful Gospel seed is simply, “I see you,” followed by a simple act of love.

God could use your welcome, your presence, your obedience to draw someone to Himself and now more than ever people are longing for hope, connection, and purpose. 

So as this school year picks up pace, don’t miss her.

Look up.

Say hello.

Ask her name.

Share your stories, and let your life be the open door that leads her closer to Jesus.

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Five Key Intangibles to Consider When Hiring Church Staff (Plus the Right Questions to Ask)

Hiring a new staff member can be a daunting task. You want to get it right, or things can become difficult in your church. I’ve had to hire a few staff members as a church leader. Here are the intangibles that I look for when hiring a staff member:

1. Friendliness. Nobody enjoys being around a jerk. Why would you want one to be a part of your church staff? When hiring a new staff member, look for signs indicating whether the person is friendly. See how they respond to humor. Ask their references if they are friendly with others.

Interview Question: Can you tell me about a time when you helped create a welcoming environment for someone new—whether on a team, in a group, or in a ministry setting?Reference Check Question: How would you describe this person’s ability to connect with others relationally? Are they generally warm and approachable?

2. Common sense. Common sense seems to be less common these days. Yet, a church staff needs someone who can respond appropriately to various situations. Try to discern if the potential staff member has a high level of common sense. Give them some scenarios and ask how they will respond. Observe small details as you meet together and spend time getting to know one another. It’s amazing what you can learn simply by observing.

Interview Question: Imagine a church member shows up unexpectedly, visibly upset, just before a scheduled meeting. What would you do in that situation?Reference Check Question: In your experience, has this person shown good judgment when unexpected or unclear situations arise?

3. Teachability. No one is omniscient except God alone. Church leaders must be continual learners. If someone is unwilling to learn from others, they will not be a good fit for our church staff. Ask the potential staff member what they have done, are doing, and will do to be teachable.

Interview Question: Can you share a recent example of something new you learned and how it changed the way you approached ministry or leadership?Reference Check Question: Have you observed this person receiving constructive feedback? How did they respond?

4. A good reputation. Ideally, the person who is a prospective member of your staff team is known by you or someone you trust. If so, it should be relatively easy to determine what type of reputation they have. If the person is not someone you know, you should dig a little to learn more. First, be sure you check with all of the references that the person has provided. Also, ask the references if they can provide further references. Seek to learn more by exploring other sources of information. The more you know about the person’s reputation, the better equipped you will be to make a good hire.

Interview Question: How do you guard your reputation, and what measures do you use to protect it?Reference Check Question: In your opinion, how is this person perceived by others in your congregation?

5. Humility. Arrogance can rip apart a church staff and can even destroy a church. Humility is the most essential quality to look for when hiring a church staff member. If a person has a high level of humility, the other factors will likely all fall into place. Again, be sure to ask others who know the person what level of humility they have. Seek to observe how they treat others if you go to lunch or are around others.

Interview Question: Tell me about a time you were wrong in a ministry decision. How did you handle it?Reference Check Question: Would you describe this person as someone who leads with humility? Can you give an example?

I’ve learned to look for these traits when hiring a new member. What about you? What traits have you come to value when hiring someone?

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Does Counting Worship Attendance Still Make Sense for Churches?

Randy knows the strategic spots to get the best views of the sanctuary to count heads. He’s been doing it for years, and I rely on his numbers to know how many people attended our weekend worship services. Barb sends me the complete attendance report on Monday afternoons, which includes more details about children, students, and groups.

Why do I care? Why does my church count everyone each week?

For decades, worship attendance has been the default metric for measuring church success. While some may argue it’s outdated or superficial, the truth is more complex. Let’s start with the sobering reality: Between 70% and 80% of churches in North America are either plateaued or declining. One of the key reasons? Less than 1% of churches maintain an ongoing emphasis on evangelism. Without a clear commitment to reaching new people, growth naturally slows or stalls. So, while attendance isn’t the only measure of health, it remains one of the most revealing.

Where Did the Worship Attendance Metric Come From?

The focus on worship attendance didn’t appear out of nowhere. It grew out of three overlapping waves in church history:

Wave 1: The Sunday School Movement (1800s)

Counting became commonplace with Sunday schools. This era emphasized education and attendance tracking. Churches like Illinois Street Church—later Moody Church—under D.L. Moody led the way in gathering and counting large groups. In England, Charles Spurgeon’s Metropolitan Tabernacle also drew thousands.

Sunday school wasn’t just for kids; it was a vital connection point for entire communities. Some churches kept this Sunday school focus up to the turn of the millennium. For example, Guinell Freeman, known as “Miss Sunday School” at First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida, built and grew the Sunday school program to more than 13,000 people by the late 1990s.

Wave 2: The Preaching-Centered Era (early-to-mid 1900s)

In this wave, preaching became the draw. J. Frank Norris and George W. Truett led massive congregations in Texas. Revivalists like Billy Sunday and Aimee Semple McPherson drew crowds through charismatic preaching. Harry Fosdick and Martin Lloyd-Jones were well-known among many different groups. Sunday school remained important, and people like Henrietta Mears continued to implement popular programs. But the pulpit became the central platform for growth. During this era, a major shift began to take place. The front door, or entry point, to the church changed from the Sunday school classroom to the sanctuary.

Wave 3: The Church Growth Movement (1950s–2000s)

With the rise of the Baby Boomers came large churches designed to attract seekers. Robert Schuller’s Crystal Cathedral, Bill Hybels’ Willow Creek, and Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church redefined the church growth model. Strong preaching, engaging programs, and strategic marketing built massive congregations. The church growth movement led to the development of satellite campuses, video venues, and modern expressions of worship designed to attract as many people as possible.

Despite the success stories, many attendance numbers during this era were estimates. For example, until the 1990s, Southern Baptist churches were asked to report only one Sunday’s attendance—for the whole year. And yes, most chose Easter. While more accurate weekly tracking became the norm later, exaggeration wasn’t uncommon. You could argue the hyper-focus on the metric of worship attendance still leads to inflated figures.

Wave 4: The Neighborhood Church Era (Post-Pandemic)

What’s next? The preference is rising for smaller neighborhood churches closer to home. Before the pandemic, only 10% of churchgoers were willing to drive more than thirty minutes to church. These drive times are likely shorter now. The reach of regional churches is beginning to pull back. People are considering smaller neighborhood churches in their communities.

The competition for attendance growth is beginning to diminish. Average weekly worship attendance is still the metric of success and will likely remain so for the foreseeable future. Churches should grow, but the pressure to be bigger and better than everyone else is fading.

The Double-Edged Sword of Worship Attendance

Focusing on attendance isn’t inherently good or bad. It depends on how it’s used.

Healthy Uses:

Rhythms build discipleship. Regular attendance creates patterns that foster spiritual growth.Presence enables connection. When people show up, you have the chance to engage, disciple, and shepherd them.Trends reveal direction. Attendance is a simple way to spot whether things are improving or declining.Opportunities increase. Weekly gatherings are moments for evangelism, ministry, and invitation.

Unhealthy Uses:

Legalism creeps in. Guilt-driven attendance goals can drain energy and obscure grace.Growth becomes a game. It’s tempting to chase numbers instead of people.Charisma overshadows calling. When growth relies solely on a dynamic leader, it often collapses when that leader leaves.Quantity replaces quality. Sitting in a pew doesn’t guarantee spiritual maturity.

So, how do we hold on to what’s good while avoiding the pitfalls? By focusing not just on growing numbers, but on healthy growth.

Practical Steps Toward Healthy Church Growth

One way to maintain a healthy focus on attendance figures is to distinguish between lead metrics and lag metrics.

Lead metrics are the controllable actions that drive outcomes—the effort you make. Lag metrics, on the other hand, are the results that appear after the fact, such as attendance, giving, or conversions.

Lead metric example: number of invites to church your members madeLag metric example: worship attendance on Sunday

Lead metrics help you focus on what you can do now to move toward your goals. Lag metrics tell you what happened because of your effort. A mistake church leaders can make is celebrating the lag metric (worship attendance) instead of the lead metric (inviting people). Church culture changes when members focus more on lead metrics instead of lag metrics.

Work with the willing.

You don’t need the whole church on board to begin moving forward. Start with a few motivated families. They can change the direction of an entire congregation.

Redefine what success looks like.

The days of rapid transfer growth are fading. Instead of focusing only on how many people show up, pay attention to how many are invited. How many phone calls are made to absent members? Who’s being evangelized, followed up with, or prayed for?

Establish consistent rhythms.

Weekly programming matters. A church with 100 people every Sunday is stronger than one with 500 people once a month. Consistency beats sporadic crowds every time, especially for discipleship and pastoral care.

Engage your community demographically.

Don’t guess who lives nearby—know. Use tools like the Know Your Community Report or the Good News Neighbors Toolkit. Deliver gifts to new residents. Make hospitality your signature trait.

Run a regular check-up.

Evaluate your church’s health honestly. Where are you strong? Where are you stuck? Where do you need to realign or rebuild? Metrics can be helpful here, but only if they lead to actionable outcomes. The Church Health Scorecard is an excellent starting point for identifying which metrics to utilize.

The Metric of Success

Worship attendance still has value. It remains one of the clearest indicators of momentum in a church. But healthy churches don’t chase attendance. They cultivate community, deepen discipleship, and embrace evangelism. In a world where attention spans are short and cultural Christianity is fading, being physically present for worship matters more than ever.

So yes, attendance still matters. But even more than that, presence matters. Your church can grow when you focus on people, not just numbers. And that growth can begin with one invitation, one conversation, and one Sunday at a time.

The post Does Counting Worship Attendance Still Make Sense for Churches? appeared first on Church Answers.

Trading Faith for Nothing: What Americans Are Really Doing After Leaving Church

I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to speak with young people on a fairly regular basis. That’s one of the benefits of being a college professor. It’s much easier to keep up with the cultural discourse when you are surrounded by people in their late teens and early twenties. My students are aware of my expertise and often seek to engage in discussions with me about religion, politics, and society. I’m all ears, of course. One thing I hear on a pretty consistent basis from them is that people are rejecting traditional forms of religion and are replacing them with alternative spiritualities. 

This idea seems to have seeped into the discourse—that many Americans have replaced Sunday morning worship with yoga sessions, astrology, or consulting a psychic on a regular basis. A recent book by Tara Isabella Burton called Strange Rites: New Religions for a Godless World makes this point exactly.

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Eight Essentials for Guest-Friendly Church Bulletins

In many circles today, the church bulletin—or worship folder, as some prefer to call it—has been relegated to relic status. It’s often seen as a leftover from a bygone era, something traditional churches cling to while more “cutting-edge” congregations go completely digital. Some church leaders proudly announce that they’ve ditched the bulletin altogether.

But I believe that’s a mistake.

Why? Because you’re missing a powerful opportunity to put something tangible into the hands of your guests—something that can quietly and clearly say, “You matter. We’ve thought about you.” In fact, anecdotal evidence continues to show that a well-designed, guest-focused bulletin can increase the likelihood of a first-time visitor returning.

That’s why I now view the church bulletin as primarily for the guest. Yes, members may benefit from it. But in its most effective form, it serves as a first impression, a silent ambassador, and a helpful guide for those who may be walking through your doors for the first time.

With that in mind, here are eight essentials to include in your bulletin—each one crafted to connect with your guests.

1. Worship Times

This may seem obvious, but I’m surprised how often bulletins either bury or entirely omit the worship times. Make them visible. Prominent. Clear.

Many guests will take the bulletin home. If they decide to return—and we pray they do—they’ll need to know when. Don’t make them go to your website or dig through old emails. Put the worship times on the front page or at the top of the inside cover. Your goal is to make it effortless for a guest to say, “Let’s go back next week.”

2. Physical Address of the Church

You might assume that everyone uses GPS or that they’ve already mapped the location, but assumptions like that often backfire. Include your physical address, and do it with precision. Not just the street name, but everything a GPS needs to direct someone back to your church.

It’s a simple way to remove one more potential barrier for your guests. The more seamless their experience, the more likely they are to return.

3. Email and Telephone Contact

Guests will sometimes leave a service with questions. Where do I find a small group? What’s available for my children? Do you have a midweek service?

Your bulletin should clearly list at least one main email address and one main phone number. Better yet, provide a specific contact—something like connect@gracechurch.org or Next Steps Team: (555) 123-4567.

And here’s the key: Make sure someone is responding. I cannot emphasize that enough. A prompt reply to a guest’s inquiry may be the very thing that turns curiosity into connection.

4. Prayer Request Contact

This one is often overlooked, but it’s critical.

Many guests are willing to share a burden before they’re ready to share their identity. They’ll write a prayer request before they’ll fill out a connect card. They may never approach a staff member in person, but they’ll text or email a prayer need when life gets heavy.

That’s why I encourage churches to create a dedicated prayer contact—either a specific email address or a phone line (or both). Something like prayer@firstchurch.org gives guests a way to connect at a meaningful, spiritual level.

And as always, make sure someone is responding quickly and compassionately.

5. Sermon Notes

I’ve been surprised by how many guests want a place to take sermon notes. They may be visiting for the first time, but they’re leaning in. They’re listening carefully. And many of them want to reflect later on what they heard.

Give them space for that. You don’t need to outline every point or fill in the blanks (unless that fits your church’s culture). A simple section labeled “Sermon Notes” with some blank lines or open space often works just fine.

When a guest sees that you’ve prepared a place for reflection, it signals that your church values the Word—and that you’re expecting people to engage with it.

6. Major Events Only

It’s tempting to turn the bulletin into a mini calendar—filled with every potluck, committee meeting, and youth outing scheduled over the next 30 days. Resist that temptation.

Instead, use the bulletin to highlight only the major, church-wide events that are guest-friendly. These should be gatherings or opportunities that are open to all and that communicate something important about your church’s mission and culture.

If it’s an event your church would want a guest to attend, include it. If not, leave it for the website or the weekly email.

7. Vision or Mission Statement

Your bulletin is more than an information sheet—it’s a small expression of your church’s identity. Including your church’s mission or vision statement tells a guest what really matters to you.

Keep it short. Keep it clear. Keep it gospel-centered.

Statements like “We exist to make disciples who worship, grow, and go” or “Loving God. Loving People. Making Disciples.” aren’t just slogans—they’re directional signs. They help guests begin to understand the heartbeat of your congregation.

8. Order of Service

I know some churches have moved away from including the order of service. The reasoning often sounds like this: “It keeps things flexible,” or “Guests don’t need it.”

I disagree.

Guests often feel uncertain or out of place in a new worship environment. They don’t know what’s coming next, what’s expected, or even when to sit or stand. A simple order of service—just the basics—can ease that anxiety.

It’s not about rigid predictability; it’s about offering hospitality. Let the guest know what’s coming so they can participate more fully.

A Word About Guest Registration Cards

You might be wondering why I didn’t include a guest card as one of the essentials. That’s because it’s not so much what you include, but how you include it.

Perforated tear-offs inside a bulletin often go unused. They’re awkward, and guests are hesitant to make a public rip.

Instead, insert a loose card—clean, simple, and easily dropped in a collection box or handed to a greeter. When done well, these cards still serve a vital function without being intrusive.

The Bulletin Is Not Dead—It’s Strategic

Let me say it again: the church bulletin is not dead. It’s not a leftover tool from a different generation. It’s not a burden or a distraction. It’s a strategic, physical piece of ministry that helps guests feel seen, guided, and invited to return.

So don’t design your bulletin only with your most faithful attenders in mind. Design it for the person who walks through your doors uncertain, anxious, or spiritually curious. Create it for the couple who just moved to your city and are looking for a new church home. Make it useful, beautiful, and above all—intentional.

If you’ve abandoned the bulletin for the sake of being modern, I encourage you to reconsider. Many churches that are seeing growth in guest return rates are using bulletins intentionally, not accidentally. It’s not about nostalgia—it’s about outreach.

You don’t need a flashy design or thick paper stock. You just need a plan.

Let me hear your thoughts. Have you seen a bulletin used effectively in your church or in a church you’ve visited? Are there other guest-focused features you’ve found helpful?

I’d love to keep the conversation going.

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A “Thank You” to the First Church I Joined

It’s colored with age. In fact, it’s yellow, black, brown, and other colors that have faded with the decades gone by since I first received it. In fact, you might be able to see the various shades in the picture above.

“It” is my “New Member Instruction Certificate” I received when I joined my first church at age 13 now 50+ years ago. In case you can’t read it, here’s what it says:

Charles Lawless, having manifested credible evidence that he has been converted and has entered into covenant with Pisgah Heights Baptist Church and having completed the course of instruction for new members, is hereby awarded this certificate commending to him the further joys of the Christian life and church membership.

My pastor (the only pastor I ever knew before I became a pastor myself), Glenn Davidson, signed the form. My wife and I found the certificate as we were clearing out “stuff” in our home this past weekend—and it has brought to mind so much about that little church in southwestern Ohio:

1. My church was not perfect, but they surely grounded me in the Word. I didn’t learn arguments for and against the inerrancy and infallibility of the Word, but my pastor taught the Word week after week after week. When I later faced some of those hard questions about the authority of the Word, I started with a strong foundation because of that church.

2. The church was somewhat unusual in requiring a membership class in those days. To my knowledge, not many churches in the area were requiring a membership class then. The class met for only a few weeks during the Sunday school hour (as I recall), but our pastor led a few of us through simple books to get us started in our Christian walk. Little did I know then how important a membership class is (or that I would decades later write a book on church membership called Membership Matters and work with Sam Rainer, author of 7 Basics of Belonging: The Meaning of Church Membership).

3. The church didn’t always use the “covenant” language on this certificate, but they gave me much even as they expected much from me. They taught me the Word. They showed me Christian love. They invited me to become part of their family. Then, they gave me opportunities like teaching Vacation Bible School, leading a 7th grade boys class, and preaching on Youth Sunday. My pastor also introduced me to “visitation” night when we regularly visited guests and shared the gospel. This church helped me put my feet on the ground in ministry.

4. I didn’t say “thank you” enough – and perhaps that’s the point of this post. That church no longer exists by that name, and the congregation has long since re-located their facilities. Looking back, I took that church for granted. I didn’t pray enough for our leaders. I allowed myself to get too frustrated when I differed with some of their decisions. Little did I understand just how much they cared for me, and even less did I realize how much they would mark the rest of my life. A few months ago, in fact, I unexpectedly and wonderfully saw one of the members of that church when I was preaching in Kentucky.  She was a reminder of that sweet church family in West Chester, Ohio, to whom I owe so much.

Pastors and church leaders, I encourage you today to say “thank you” to God for the churches in your past who marked your life—and say “thank you” to members of those churches if you can still reach them.

Imperfect though every congregation is, they are indeed God’s gift to us.

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