Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 3

The Church Number: 55% Younger Adults Prefer Smaller Churches

It’s a massive change that few church leaders are noticing.

For decades, the conventional wisdom was simple: younger generations flocked to bigger churches with contemporary music, better tech, and full-service programming. That assumption may now be outdated. According to a groundbreaking 2023 national study of churchgoers, a majority of 18- to 34-year-olds—exactly 55%—say they prefer smaller churches.

And this isn’t just some internet poll or denominational one-off. The finding comes from This Place Means Everything to Me: Key Findings from a National Survey of Church Attenders in Post-Pandemic United States, published by PRRI (Public Religion Research Institute) and the New York-based nonprofit organization, Faith Communities Today (FACT).

The survey is large, recent, and credible. Conducted in late 2023, it offers one of the most detailed snapshots of what church life looks like post-pandemic, with a nationally representative sample across regions, ethnicities, and denominations.

The phrase “smaller churches” was clearly defined

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What I Thought I Knew as a Young Pastor—But Got Wrong

God opened the door for my first pastorate in the summer of 1989. I had no seminary education, and two dormant years toward a bachelor’s degree in Bible. The president of the small college I had attended was an interim pastor at a small country church. He recommended me, and, following one trial sermon and a three-question interview (no lie), I was called to be the pastor.

I thought I was ready, but I was so green Crayola could have named a new crayon after me. 

The church had a strained relationship with former pastors. As I recall, the average pastoral life expectancy was approximately 2.5 years over the previous 40 years or more. As it turned out, I was less than average. 

Many years and many conversations with pastors later, I have confidence that the things I didn’t know as a young pastor are common among young pastors. Here are a few of them.

That people really meant they wanted the church to grow.

Almost everyone wants their church to grow, but few pastors know what Sister Suzette means by it.

Many people mean, “Help me get my kids back in church.” Others mean, “Help us get our former, very disgruntled members back.” Others mean, “Let’s try to reach more people like us.”

People who haven’t experienced the lava-hot blast of Kingdom growth rarely suspect the messiness it entails. Many pastors haven’t. I’m not suggesting people were lying when they said they wanted the church to grow. But what people say and what a young pastor hears are often different things. 

That my best and worst sermons never were that.

If you’ve been preaching longer than five minutes ago, you likely have the experience of thinking, “Wow. That was a solid sermon. I was firing on all cylinders. God surely used it!” Conversely, “Man. What a dud. Even I was bored with it. God will need to work a miracle.”

Rarely are those extremes ever true.

I always tried to be prepared. I never remember “phoning one in” because I didn’t want to study and pray. Usually, it paid off. At the least, it was coherent, biblically faithful, and reasonably on point. On occasion, I didn’t have any heavy critique to level at myself.

Other times, I wanted to quit before I got through my notes. Preaching with a distracted mind, or a sermon you can tell in real-time isn’t hitting the mark, is akin to running barefoot on Legos. Yet, invariably, someone would come to me after a “terrible” sermon and say, “Pastor, God really spoke to me today.” God always reminded me that His power is in His Word, not in what I say about His Word. Whether or not I feel effective in presentation neither elevates nor quenches the dunamis (dynamite) of the gospel.

That I could preach without my personal preferences and baggage.

I was in ministry for a long time before I learned to search myself for preconceptions and baggage from my own life and experiences that affected my preaching. Being entirely naïve, I believed (mainly because I had heard it preached) that I could be a ship without barnacles sailing the gospel sea. 

I’ve since learned that scraping the hull is hard work. 

The fact that I spent years in a fundamentalist church affected my preaching. The fact that my formative years were solely influenced by “fire and brimstone” preachers affected my preaching. That I was repeatedly warned, “Touch not God’s anointed,” affected my self-perception and that of my congregation. 

That lack of self-examination, repentance, and renewal affected me. And them.

That the theology I had been taught isn’t all the sound theology there is.

My early Bible college studies were at an Independent Baptist school where one specific eschatological stream was taught. “Taught” is inaccurate. More accurately, it was elevated to Mississippi or Amazon strength. 

In fact, I never learned theology from American theologians outside of those my pastors agreed with. No Asians, South Americans, Ugandans, Kenyans, First Nations peoples, or modern Europeans need apply, save John Stott and Martyn Lloyd-Jones. 

Again, to my frustration and shame, it took years of ministry for me to read outside the theology I’d always been taught. If I had looked more broadly earlier, my congregations and I would have reaped the benefit.

That I shouldn’t try to emulate the well-known pastors in my tradition.

Not long after I answered the call to preach, I remember, boiling over with the hubris of youth, saying to my mother, “I want to be the next Adrian Rogers.” With wisdom, she replied, “God doesn’t need another Adrian Rogers. He needs a Marty Duren.”

Without debating whether God “needs” a particular preacher, her point was clear: God called me, and He knew what He was getting into when He did so. The impact was so lasting that, years later, when a couple I had known from our teenage years told me, “You preach just like (our pastor from those years),” I immediately sought to let God shape me as me, not as our former pastor. 

Clearly, there are practices, nuances, and study habits we can learn from preachers of every era. But, if Phillips Brooks was right in that “Preaching is truth communicated through personality,” then God’s calling is for my personality, and yours, to be a unique channel of gospel communication for His glory.

What are some things you thought you knew as a young pastor but got wrong?

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Seven Expectations of Every Church Member that Should Never Change

Almost two decades ago, a church member asked me a straightforward question: “What things should we all do all the time?” This person understood individual calling and spiritual gifts, which can vary with each believer. He wanted to know the timeless expectations of every church member that never change.

Simple question. But a challenge to answer.

The question was more off-the-cuff, but it got me thinking. Over time, I landed on these seven expectations that I now teach at every membership class in my church.

1. Worship: Saying “Yes” to God

Worship isn’t just singing on Sundays. It’s a posture of surrender to God’s will. True worship happens when we seek God Himself, not just what He gives. That means laying down personal preferences, engaging with your church family regularly, and keeping your focus on His glory. Weekly worship isn’t a ritual to check off. It’s spiritual nourishment that strengthens your walk with Christ.

2. Grow: Making Disciples Who Make Disciples

A Christian belongs to Christ; a disciple follows Him daily. Spiritual growth happens best in community, not isolation. The most effective way to grow deeper in your faith—and help others grow—is by being part of a group. Whether it’s a Sunday school class, Bible study, or life group, these smaller circles provide the encouragement and accountability we all need.

3. Serve: Reaching Outward Beyond Yourself

Jesus came “not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45). Following His example means using your gifts to meet needs inside and outside the church. Service isn’t about finding the perfect role for yourself; it’s about filling the gaps where help is needed. Look for opportunities, take initiative, invite others to join you, and remember—the ultimate goal of serving is to share the good news of Jesus.

4. Give: Honoring God with Your Offering

Generosity is a tangible way to express worship. Every gift matters to God, not just the large ones. Giving isn’t about guilt but gratitude, recognizing that everything we have comes from Him. Sacrificial giving goes beyond convenience. It changes the way you live and guards your heart against greed. When you give through your church, you’re investing in God’s mission and uniting with others for the cause of Christ.

5. Pray: Prioritizing God’s Will Through Prayer

Prayer is more than presenting requests. The purpose of prayer is to align your heart with God’s. Jesus taught His disciples to pray with a focus on God’s name, kingdom, and will. As you make prayer a daily habit, you’ll find it connects every part of the Christian life: it fuels evangelism, deepens unity, and shapes decisions. Pray alone and with others. Pray for your church’s leaders, ministries, and mission. Prayer keeps your priorities anchored in God’s purposes.

6. Seek Unity: Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

Unity doesn’t mean uniformity. The point is not about everyone looking or acting the same. Instead, it’s about being bound together by God’s Word and mission. That often requires setting aside personal preferences for the sake of the gospel. Jesus’ command to “do to others as you would like them to do to you” (Luke 6:31) applies inside the church too. A unified church is a powerful witness to a divided world.

7. Sacrifice: Putting Others Before Yourself

Sacrifice is the glue that holds all the other expectations together. Romans 12:1 calls believers to be “a living and holy sacrifice.” That means surrendering time and resources for God’s mission. Healthy churches are built by members willing to put others first, give up personal comfort, and work together as one body for the sake of Christ.

Joining a church is more than putting your name on a roll or attending worship services. Membership is a commitment to live out your faith in community. The Bible describes the church as the body of Christ, where every part belongs to the whole (Romans 12:4–5). If you’ve said “yes” to membership, you are also committing to these seven expectations that form the foundation for belonging.

We have a resource to help you teach these seven expectations in your membership class. We’ve provided everything you need with The Complete Membership Class Toolkit. With this toolkit, you will also receive a copy of 7 Basics of Belonging: The Meaning of Church Membership.

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A Quiz for Those of Us who Don’t Delegate Well

I’ll admit it: I struggle with delegation. It’s tough for me to admit that fact because of what it says about me, but an admission is a first step toward addressing the problem. If that’s where you are, I challenge you to take this quiz. Identify the reason(s) you don’t delegate, and then determine one step you will take in the right direction.

We base our worth on results. When we base our value on the success of the organization we lead, seldom do we delegate responsibility to others. It’s simply too risky to do so.We ignore the Body of Christ imagery in 1 Corinthians 12. We deny this imagery when we choose to play the role of every part of the Body – either by doing it all ourselves or by “cleaning up” what others have done.We’ve never seen good delegation modeled. In many cases, our own role models did all the work themselves, and we’ve followed faithfully in their steps.We suffer from “idolatry of the self.” What else can we call it if we believe (a) no one can do it better than we can, and thus (b) no one else should do it?We don’t have time or energy to train others. Training is time-consuming and messy. It’s just easier to do it all ourselves and cloak our efforts under “the urgency of the gospel.”We like control. Let’s face it: with every person we train and release, we move one step away from controlling everything under our watch.We’ve had bad experiences with delegation. Our past stories are defeating. We’ve spent so much time cleaning up messes that it’s just easier to avoid the mess in the first place.We have no system in place to help believers determine their giftedness. How can we delegate to people whose spiritual giftedness and passions we don’t know? And, that they themselves don’t even know because we offer no such training? Our churches don’t always see the need. “After all,” they say, “that’s why we hire staff.” For church members who think this way, delegation is just laziness and irresponsibility.We fear others will do better (and perhaps get the glory). Few people want to admit this possibility, but some of us wrestle with this thinking. Why let somebody else do it if that other person gets the recognition? We don’t see the vast needs of the world. It’s easy to hold on to everything when the full scope of our ministry is only our church and perhaps our community. Multiply those needs by the 4 billion people in the world who have little exposure to the gospel, however, and the need to delegate becomes obvious.We don’t pray enough for laborers. If we truly prayed like Jesus taught us in Luke 10:1-2—asking for more laborers—we would need to be prepared and willing to share the workload with others.

If you see yourself in this blog post, what one step will you take to begin to address your own life and ministry? Write down that step, and share it with an accountability brother or sister. Then, go do it!

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Seven Areas Where Pastors Have Failed at Reading Minds

On rare occasions, I wish I could read minds.

To be honest, most of the time, I have absolutely no desire to know what people are thinking. Life is complicated enough without hearing every opinion or internal reaction floating through the heads of those around me. But there have been a few moments—some personal, some pastoral—when I would have gladly welcomed the ability.

Take birthdays and anniversaries, for example. I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wondering whether I got my wife the right gift or remembered the right date. But in the years I served as a pastor, the wish to read minds became less about convenience and more about survival.

Nearly every week, pastors share with me stories of moments when they missed something important—something they were expected to know but were never actually told. It’s as if some church members assume that pastors have a divine ability to sense every need, every occasion, and every disappointment.

Of course, we don’t.

But the expectations remain, and they’re often unspoken—until they’re violated. Then they erupt.

Here are seven common scenarios where pastors have “failed” at reading minds. And each of these examples reflects a deeper challenge that churches must face with honesty, grace, and a healthy dose of clear communication.

1. When a Church Member Is Sick or in the Hospital

“I got chewed out by a church member a month ago,” one pastor told me. “I failed to visit her while she was in the hospital. When I told her I didn’t know she had been admitted, she looked me in the eye and said, ‘You should have.’”

No phone call. No email. No family notification. Just the unspoken belief that the pastor should have sensed it somehow—through a sixth sense, perhaps, or a moment of divine revelation during a staff meeting.

This scenario is painfully common. The pastor is expected to be omniscient, while the member forgets that real communication involves… well, actual communication.

It’s heartbreaking, too, because pastors do care. Most would have been there in a heartbeat had they known. But they can’t show up where they’ve never been invited—or even informed. 

2. When There Is a Death

“I missed a funeral, and I’m still getting criticized for it,” noted a Colorado pastor. “A church member’s mother died. The funeral was about an hour away, but I didn’t hear about it until after the fact. When I apologized, she told me she doesn’t think she can keep giving to a church where the pastor neglects her.”

Let that sink in.

The pastor wasn’t notified. He wasn’t given a chance to care. Yet he’s still being judged as if he was negligent.

This is more than a scheduling error. It’s a sobering example of how some members equate care with telepathy. And when that expectation isn’t met, the spiritual ramifications—trust, giving, and participation—are put at risk.

3. When Emphasizing Ministries in the Church

This one came from a Church Answers mentoring group. A pastor had been giving more public attention to the children’s ministry than the student ministry. It wasn’t intentional favoritism—it was a reflection of the reporting culture.

“The children’s ministry sends regular updates,” the pastor explained. “They hold quarterly check-ins, invite me to events, and share stories. I rarely hear anything from the student ministry.”

That nuance didn’t matter to one elder, who warned the pastor that he was “in trouble” for appearing to play favorites.

Once again, the pastor wasn’t ignoring anyone on purpose—he was simply more aware of the ministry that made itself visible.

You can’t champion what you don’t see. And pastors can’t read the internal expectations of ministry leaders who remain silent.

4. When There Is a Meeting

“She knew I didn’t know about the meeting,” the pastor said, “but she was still furious.”

The woman in question had hosted a team meeting for a church initiative. The pastor was never told it was happening. Yet afterward, she scolded him for not attending.

“The pastor is supposed to know what’s going on in the church,” she said.

How? By spiritual osmosis?

This situation illustrates how church dynamics can sometimes mirror dysfunctional family systems, where people expect others to “just know” their needs, their plans, and their disappointments.

Meetings require calendars. Calendars require invitations. And pastors require heads-up notice, not hindsight blame.

5. When the Budget Is Being Prepared

“You don’t care anything about our ministry,” the deacon said. “There’s not a single dollar allocated to us in the new budget.”

The pastor was stunned. He hadn’t heard a word from the deacons about their desire for funding. Nothing was submitted. Nothing was discussed. Yet now, they were offended.

It was mind reading gone wrong—again.

Church budgeting is always delicate. But it becomes volatile when people assume their ministries are visible and prioritized without ever making them known.

A budget isn’t a theology test—it’s a communication tool. And silence during the planning phase guarantees disappointment when the numbers are finalized.

6. When Someone Wants to Talk

“Pastor, I’ve been really down lately. I don’t know why you haven’t taken time to call me.”

The pastor paused, then explained: “She was struggling with depression, but I didn’t know. She never reached out. She never told anyone. I have over 500 members in the congregation. I can’t possibly know what each one is going through unless someone tells me.”

This isn’t cold-heartedness—it’s reality.

Pastors aren’t omnipresent, and they aren’t emotionally intuitive for hundreds of people at once. They want to be available, but they rely on members—and ministry leaders—to tell them where the pain points are. 

7. When Someone Celebrates a Special Occasion

“I don’t know if I’ll survive this one,” a pastor confessed. “I missed the 50th wedding anniversary of one of our senior leaders. Her husband doesn’t attend church, and no one mentioned the celebration to me. But that explanation doesn’t seem to matter to her.”

In this case, the pastor didn’t miss out of laziness or neglect. He missed because he never knew. Still, the disappointment was real. The hurt was personal. And the fallout felt permanent.

Anniversaries, birthdays, and other milestones matter deeply to people. But pastors can’t possibly track all of them. Without help, they will miss some—and they’ll often carry the blame.

The Real Problem (and the Simple Solution)

In each of these seven examples, there is a common thread: unspoken expectations.

Pastors are expected to be aware, available, and attentive—even when no information has been shared. And when they inevitably fall short, the relational damage can be disproportionate and long-lasting.

But the solution is simple. Painfully simple.

Communicate.

Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s going on in your life. Don’t expect pastors to be at an event you didn’t invite them to. Don’t blame them for not acknowledging something you never shared.

Pastors and church staff carry hundreds of responsibilities and concerns every single week. They are shepherds, yes—but not psychic ones. They’re people who care deeply, but who can only respond to what they know.

So tell them. Talk to them. Write a note. Send an email. Make a call.

When communication replaces assumption, ministry flourishes.

Let’s stop expecting mind reading—and start practicing mutual grace.

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The Exvangelical Narrative Is Overblown (What the Actual Numbers Reveal)

When speaking with Christian parents, I often sense a quiet anxiety about the faith journey their children might take. Many of them, especially those who are very active members of an evangelical congregation, worry that they might do or say something that causes their children to abandon their Christian faith and join the growing number of people who identify with no religion. I believe they are concerned, of course, about the eternal souls of their children, but they also worry about the social scorn they could face from other parents once it becomes known that their children “fell away” from the church. 

There are notable examples that highlight this concern. Tony Campolo, a sociologist, was renowned for his passionate sermons about God’s grace and the importance of forgiveness. However, one of his sons, Bart, became a prominent secular humanist as an adult. Similarly, John Piper’s son Abraham gained a significant

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The Church Number: $35.00 (Most Don’t Know It)

Welcome to a new feature I’m calling “The Church Number.” In my articles and podcasts, I’ll occasionally highlight one key number that tells a story about churches—numbers that often go unnoticed but carry tremendous meaning. Numbers can’t capture the full heart of ministry, but they can shine a light on trends, challenges, and opportunities that would otherwise remain hidden. My goal is simple: to give pastors and church leaders a clear, practical insight from just one number at a time.

Every Church Has a Number—But Most Don’t Know It

In this first installment, I want to talk about a number that quietly influences nearly every aspect of church life—budgets, staffing, outreach, missions, and even the long-term health of the congregation. It’s called Weekly Per Capita Giving, or WPCG. In its simplest form, WPCG is the giving of the church per attendee each week. Most churches have never calculated this number, yet it can be one of the clearest windows into financial health and stewardship habits.

Over the years, I’ve seen churches of every size use this number as a reality check. It helps pastors set realistic budgets, plan for future ministry, and assess whether their financial patterns are healthy or drifting. In this article, I’ll argue that the median WPCG across most churches is about $35.00, a number that aligns with our consultation work. While national research reports a slightly higher figure, understanding why those numbers differ can give leaders both insight and hope.

The Weekly Per Capita Giving (WPCG) Tells a Big Story in a Small Number

WPCG might sound like just another financial metric, but it tells a surprisingly big story in a very small number. It’s calculated by taking a church’s total giving for the year, dividing it by the average weekly attendance, and then dividing that result by 52 weeks. For example, if a church receives $182,000 in total gifts in a year and averages 100 people in attendance, the WPCG is $35.00. That means the average attender gives $35.00 per week to the church. It’s a simple calculation, but it packs a lot of meaning.

It’s important to note that the attendance number includes everyone—children, youth, and adults—not just those who give. This makes the WPCG a conservative measure, but that’s actually one of its strengths. It shows what the church is receiving per person present, regardless of age or ability to give. It reflects the full community the church is serving each week.

This number helps churches move beyond guesswork. It reveals how engaged people are financially and how realistic your budget may be. It also levels the playing field. A church of 75 people with a WPCG of $40.00 may be just as financially healthy as a church of 750 people with a similar number. When you track WPCG over time, you start to see patterns—growth, decline, plateaus—that often mirror the church’s overall vitality.

In a world where many pastors feel overwhelmed by spreadsheets and financial statements, WPCG offers clarity. It doesn’t solve every problem, but it gives church leaders one solid number to monitor and evaluate regularly. And most importantly, it starts a conversation about stewardship that is grounded in reality.

Why WPCG Isn’t a Perfect Number

As helpful as WPCG is, it’s not without its flaws. Like any number, it has limits—and wise church leaders need to understand where it can fall short.

First, WPCG doesn’t account for the socioeconomic realities of your community. A church in a low-income neighborhood will naturally have a lower WPCG than one in an affluent suburb, even if both churches are equally healthy and faithful. Comparing your WPCG to another church across town—or across the country—can be misleading if you don’t consider the financial background of the people you’re reaching.

Second, WPCG can go up for the wrong reasons. If your attendance drops but giving stays the same, your WPCG will rise—but that doesn’t mean your church is thriving. In fact, it may be a warning sign that fewer people are carrying more of the financial load.

Third, a church can have a low WPCG if its attendees are disproportionately young (children and youth don’t give much), or if it has a number of new Christians. Those new believers often know nothing about biblical generosity and stewardship.

Finally, WPCG can be skewed by one or two large givers. If a single donor gives an unusually large gift, it will raise your WPCG temporarily, but that may not reflect your true financial health over time. This is why WPCG should be viewed as one helpful indicator—not the only one.

Used wisely, WPCG can offer insight. But it needs context, humility, and thoughtful interpretation.

National Research Estimates Are Higher—But That’s Not the Whole Story

Some national church surveys and ministry research organizations report average WPCG estimates in the range of $42 to $54 per person per week. These figures typically come from dividing total annual giving by total attendance (including all ages), and then by 52 weeks. However, it’s important to note that most of these averages are based on larger, well-resourced churches that often have full-time staff, strong financial systems, and long-established stewardship cultures.

More importantly, those averages represent the mean, not the median. And in charitable giving, where a few high-dollar churches can skew the data, the median is often more helpful. Unfortunately, the median WPCG is not usually published in national reports. That omission leaves many pastors wondering how their church compares to a typical congregation—not just the average across a spectrum that includes megachurches.

The difference matters because most churches in America are small. The median church has about 65 in weekly attendance, and many are located in modest communities with limited financial capacity. A national mean, while helpful as a benchmark, likely overstates what the majority of churches experience week to week.

Our Church Consultations Show a More Modest, Real-World Number: $35.00

While national surveys are incredibly valuable, our hands-on work with churches tells a slightly different story. Through our recent consultations at Church Answers, working with a few hundred congregations across a variety of regions and denominations, we’ve consistently seen that the median Weekly Per Capita Giving (WPCG) is about $35.00. This isn’t theoretical data—it’s drawn from actual church budgets, giving records, and attendance reports we review directly with leaders.

Why the difference? The churches we consult are often small to mid-sized, which represents the vast majority of congregations in North America. Many of them are located in rural areas, small towns, or economically diverse neighborhoods. These churches may not show up in national averages with the same weight, but their financial realities are no less important—and no less faithful.

The $35.00 figure reflects what’s happening in the everyday life of the typical church. It’s not an ideal or a benchmark to chase—it’s simply a real number that helps pastors and leaders make better decisions. For many, discovering their WPCG brings clarity, context, and a greater sense of stewardship for what God has already entrusted to them.

What Your Church Can Learn from Its Own WPCG

You don’t need a research team to learn something powerful—you just need to calculate your own church’s WPCG. Once you know that number, it can become one of the most helpful tools in your leadership toolbox. It gives you a realistic picture of your church’s financial foundation, and it can guide your decisions without relying on guesswork or comparisons to churches in very different situations.

Start with a simple formula: take your total giving from the past 12 months, divide it by your average weekly worship attendance (including children and youth), and then divide by 52. That’s your WPCG. If you’ve never done this before, the number might surprise you. Whether it’s higher or lower than the national average or our consultation median, the real value comes in tracking it over time.

WPCG can help you set a reasonable budget, spot unhealthy financial trends, or celebrate steady faithfulness. It can also alert you if a small number of givers are carrying too much of the load or if a decline in attendance is masking financial strain.

You don’t have to chase someone else’s number—but you should know your own. That one figure can provide insight, stability, and even hope for the road ahead.

Don’t Be Discouraged—Be Informed and Intentional

Learning your church’s WPCG isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. Whether your number is above $50.00, below $35.00, or somewhere in between, it doesn’t define your faithfulness or effectiveness. Every church has a unique story, shaped by its people, community, and calling.

The goal isn’t to hit a certain number—it’s to understand where you are and lead wisely from there. A low WPCG isn’t a failure; it might reflect a young congregation, a struggling community, or a season of transition. A high WPCG doesn’t mean you can relax; it might be propped up by a few generous givers or declining attendance. Either way, the number is a tool, not a verdict.

Use it to start healthy conversations, shape thoughtful stewardship strategies, and plan your ministry with insight. WPCG won’t tell you everything, but it can point you in the right direction.

In the end, it’s not about the number—it’s about the people behind it, and the ministry ahead of you. Knowing your church’s WPCG simply helps you serve them better. And that’s something worth measuring.

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The Top Reasons for Church Conflict (Why Fights Start Over Trivial Matters)

Some churches have disagreements over matters of consequence—doctrine, governance, or leadership. This article is not about such cases. 

We’ve encountered some strange reasons for church conflict. 

There was the time a church fought over the appropriate length of the pastor’s beard.Or the case of a church fighting over whether to build a children’s playground or to use the land for a cemetery.We witnessed a conflict over people leading worship with their eyes closed during a portion of the song. One church held two business meetings to determine which weed-eater to purchase. Lastly, a church had a 70% affirmative vote to excommunicate a deacon who threatened to kill the pastor. The running joke was, “Thirty percent of this congregation wants the pastor dead.”

Some of these examples may seem petty. Well, they are. And all of them could have been avoided. Just about every church has multiple examples of fights over inconsequential matters. What leads to this point? The problem is too pervasive to ignore. 

Conflict over trivial matters, especially in churches, usually isn’t really about the trivial matter at all. I took a deep dive into hundreds of our consultations and coaching relationships. Here is what I discovered.

The surface issue masks a deeper issue. When a church fights over what color the carpet should be, it’s rarely about the carpet. It’s often about control, influence, or feeling heard. The “small” issue becomes a safe battlefield to fight a “bigger” but unspoken issue.

Emotional over-investment in traditions. In churches, even small traditions—like a particular classroom arrangement, holiday programming, or decorations—can carry deep emotional meaning. Changing them feels like erasing history, dishonoring past generations, or disrupting personal identity. While people should not devote so much emotional energy to these things, they do. 

Low-trust environments amplify small problems. In a high-trust church, a minor disagreement can be handled with grace. In a low-trust environment, every decision is suspect, so even small changes are viewed through the lens of fear and skepticism.

The “last straw” phenomenon. A trivial issue sometimes becomes the breaking point after years of built-up frustration. People channel all their pent-up irritation into one minor conflict because it feels more manageable than addressing the deeper, messier problem.

Displaced conflict. Members may have personal frustrations (marriage, work stress, health issues) that they subconsciously displace onto church matters. The church becomes the arena where unrelated tension spills over. We see this a lot with people who are upset about progress in their professional careers. They can’t yell at their boss, so they take it out on their pastor.

Personal identity is intertwined with church identity. Churches are deeply tied to people’s sense of community and spiritual identity. Even small changes can feel like a threat to “who we are” as a church family, or “who I am” as a person, so people defend the status quo passionately.

Small matters are easier to argue about. Fighting over what to call small groups is easier than addressing gossip. Debating a budget line item is safer than confronting a broken relationship. Minor issues become proxy battles for bigger but harder conversations.

Every church will experience a fight over something trivial. The problem is not in an argument over carpet color, beard length, or weed-eater purchases. The danger lies in the erosion of trust that occurs when trivial disputes multiply over time and are left unresolved. How can the small stuff stay small? The health of a church is revealed not in the absence of disagreements, but in how those disagreements are handled with humility, grace, and a shared desire to glorify God above all else.

Satan doesn’t need big issues to divide a church—just small ones left unchecked.

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3 Actionable Ways Church Leaders Can Emphasize Prayer This Fall

Most Christians have a complicated relationship with prayer.

On the one hand, every Christian understands prayer is not only the means by which we communicate and draw near to our Heavenly Father, it’s also God’s prescribed means for change to happen. In that sense, there’s never a wrong time to pray. This is at least part of what James emphasized in his letter:

Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven (James 5:13-16). 

On the other hand, there are few things in our lives as Christians that create a greater sense of guilt. Despite knowing we should pray, we often do not. Or we don’t pray long enough. Or faithfully enough. Or fervently enough. Even though prayer is an incredible privilege, we often find ourselves feeling lacking.

How, then, can you as a church leader encourage the rhythm of prayer in your church this fall? 

Here are three immediately simple and actionable ways:

1. Model It.

What place does prayer have in your worship service? Often, we treat prayer as a “transition point” – it’s the way we move from one segment of the worship service to another without disruption. It’s the means by which the worship pastor can exit the stage and the pastor can get on. Or it’s the way the sermon ends and the worship service transitions back to musical worship. Nothing wrong with those various points of prayer, but in modeling it, it should be more.

Consider, at least for a season, devoting a significant amount of time to prayer in the worship experience. This might be an extended pastoral prayer, a time of congregational prayer, or a guided prayer led by someone on the stage.

2. Make Room for It.

In the small group environment, prayer is one of the things that often gets pushed to the end. Our group leaders focus on the content, the fellowship, and the discussion that make up the small group, and if there’s time, we have a prayer at the end to close things out.

The second actionable way to emphasize prayer is to filter a new vision for prayer through those leaders. To do that, they will have to see that prayer is a component of the small group that cannot get shoved to the side in favor of other things. The group leader, for example, might have a target time in mind for when to begin the prayer time during the group in order to make sure room is left for it to happen.

3. Align Around It.

One other way to bring emphasis to prayer is to align the congregation around it. This would mean preaching a sermon series about prayer, and then calling on small groups to have that same emphasis for a season. At Rooted Network, we wanted to make this last point as simple as possible.

That’s why we have created a sermon series outline about prayer you can download for free. This sermon series aligns with the Prayer Bible study for small groups. Using these tools, you can place a 5-week emphasis on prayer that runs from the stage to the individual inside every small group.

Corrie Ten Boom once wrote, “Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees.” She was right. It’s not enough to intend to pray; we must commit to it and follow through. Like a muscle, the rhythm of prayer can be built into your congregation, but it won’t happen by accident.

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10 Essential Questions for Church Leaders to Build and Maintain Trust

In my 20s, I served at a church that gave me a key to my office but not any other lock on the campus. They trusted me to open God’s Word every Sunday but not the door to the flower closet. 

Trust is the foundation of every healthy church. Without it, unity crumbles, ministry slows, and relationships fracture. With it, your church will pursue God’s mission together.

How can we define trust in the context of ministry? Trust is the confident expectation that others will act with integrity, competence, and consistency, with the best interests of the church and its mission in mind.

Four Key Elements of Trust

Trust in ministry isn’t built on good intentions alone. It rests on a few essential qualities that leaders must embody. These qualities form the framework that allows people to follow with confidence and serve with joy. Without them, even the most compelling vision or strategy will struggle to gain lasting support.

Character – Do you do what you say you’ll do? Are you honest and ethical?Competence – Are you capable and skilled for the ministry tasks entrusted to you?Consistency – Are you dependable over time, not just when things are going smoothly?Care – Are you genuinely concerned about the people you lead?

When one of these elements erodes, trust begins to falter. And while it may take years to build trust, it can be broken in a single careless moment.

The Cost of Low Trust in a Church

When trust erodes in a church, ministry begins to slow, and relationships start to strain. People grow cautious and second-guess motives. Over time, the energy that should be spent advancing the gospel gets diverted into protecting turf, managing conflict, and repairing fractured relationships.

Low-trust congregations tend to see:

Fear and self-preservation instead of openness and transparency.Micromanagement and control instead of empowering ministry.Gossip and blame-shifting instead of healthy conflict resolution.Siloed ministries instead of collaborative teamwork.Burnout and disengagement instead of joyful service.

Conversely, high-trust churches enjoy faster decision-making, more effective ministry, deeper relationships, and greater resilience in times of crisis.

10 Essential Questions for Church Leaders

These ten questions will help you assess and grow trust in your ministry. They are written in the first person, so you can ask them of yourself and have others on your leadership team do the same.

Do I consistently follow through on what I say I’ll do, even in the small things? Reliability in small matters lays the groundwork for credibility in larger ones.Do others see me as competent and prepared for my ministry responsibilities? Spiritual passion must be matched with skillful stewardship.Am I steady and dependable, even under pressure or in conflict? Consistency builds confidence; volatility erodes it.Do I genuinely care for the people I lead, not just the ministry tasks they perform? People trust shepherds who love them as individuals, not just as volunteers.When trust is broken, am I quick to own my part and make it right? Humility and repentance are powerful trust-rebuilders.Do I communicate openly and clearly, or do I leave people guessing? Clear communication prevents confusion, suspicion, and division.Am I someone who listens actively and values the perspectives of others? Listening signals respect and makes people feel heard.When conflict arises, do I handle it directly and respectfully, or do I avoid it? Avoidance leaves wounds festering; honest resolution fosters healing.Do I give credit where it’s due and celebrate others’ contributions? Gratitude strengthens loyalty and morale.Do I create a safe environment where people can speak openly and take risks? Emotional safety encourages creativity, honest feedback, and vulnerability.

Trust Is a Daily Investment

Trust is not a one-time achievement but a daily investment. Every interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal in the “trust bank” of your church. When you lead with character, competence, consistency, and care, you not only strengthen relationships, you also strengthen the witness of your church to a watching world. Trust builds unity, unity fuels mission, and mission changes lives.

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