Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 10

12 Concerns and Burdens Church Staff Members Have Shared with Me

I most often work with lead pastors when I consult with churches, but I do spend time with staff members, too. I also have church staff members among my students at Southeastern Seminary. As I work with staff, here are some concerns staff have expressed to me over the years:

Lacking time with senior leadership. Staff often struggle when they have no more time with the senior leader than the typical layperson does. They often long for more one-on-one time.Lacking clear role expectations. Staff aren’t always sure what’s expected of them, even if they have a job description. They’re sometimes held accountable for more than what’s in that description.Having few friends, especially among other staff. Staff families seldom spend time together. Staff themselves are sometimes at odds with each other, especially in struggling churches.Living in a ministry silo. Others make decisions that affect their ministry without discussion or dialogue. Calendaring events becomes competition rather than cooperation. The silo gets lonely.Ministering with few funds. Some churches find salary money by decreasing ministry funds. Thus, they hire personnel but provide little money for them to do the work they are called to do.Perceiving they have no voice. Some staff believe no one in authority listens to their ideas or concerns. They eventually just keep their thoughts to themselves.Wrestling with their own calling. That’s particularly the case when a staff member has begun to feel a burden to preach more often.Having no “safe” place to be honest. I often hear these concerns of staff members simply because staff believe they have no other place to go with their burdens.Receiving poor salary and/or benefits. Some staff are struggling with paying their bills. They want to serve with joy, but the burden of taking care of their family is heavy.Desiring affirmation. Most staff appreciate a “pat on the back” occasionally. Even little gestures like a public “thank you,” a lunch invitation, a drop-by visit, or a small bonus can go a long way toward building a strong team.Competing for volunteers. Because most churches do not have a strategy to enlist and train workers, staff often compete for the same workers.Seeing and hearing too much. Too many staff members wrestle internally because they have listened to leader and staff language, overheard jokes, and watched actions that are less than Christian.

As you read this list, I encourage you to pray for your church’s staff members. If you’re a lead pastor, take some time to bless your staff today.

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Five Reasons Millennial Pastors Are Not Moving to Larger Churches

They are the second largest generation in America’s history. At 74 million persons, they are only surpassed in size by the Boomer generation. Born between 1980 and 1997, they are shaping our businesses, our government, and our culture.

And they are shaping our churches.

As a Boomer, I remember well how pastors were viewed just a few decades ago. In the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, the “successful” pastors made it to large county seat churches. In the 1990s and early 2000s, the measure of success was leading larger churches in general.

The times they are a’changin’ (Bob Dylan for the uninformed).

To be sure, there are still Millennial pastors moving to larger churches. And these leaders are not averse to megachurches.

But more Millennial pastors sense God’s call to the smaller and mid-size churches. Why has their attitude been so different from their predecessors? I asked a number of Millennial pastors, and here are five of the responses they gave me.

They want to invest their lives in a community. The Millennial pastors, as a whole, are highly community focused. It takes several years to get to know a community and to be embraced by the community.They want more stability for their families. To be fair, these leaders will not deny a call to another community or even another country if they sense God’s call in that direction. But any move has to be convincing, convicting, and compelling. I know. I moved my family four times in ministry. I am not sure I followed God as much as my own selfish ambitions.They don’t measure ministry success and fulfillment by numbers and size. Another caveat is in order. These Millennial pastors do indeed desire to reach more people. They truly want to make more disciples. But their worth and esteem are not measured by “nickels and noses.”They are financially locked into their homes. Many Millennial pastors bought their homes when prices and mortgage rates were much lower. Even though they could sell their homes at a gain, they would have to put all of their gains into their next home, which is now higher priced. And most of them would have to pay a higher mortgage rate and, thus, have higher monthly payments.They are leading church revitalization. They are sufficiently wise to understand that the turnaround of a declining established church is a long-term endeavor. They are willing to make such commitments to win trust and lead revitalization.

As with any generation, we must be careful with generalizations. There are always exceptions and differences. But, as a rule, Millennial pastors have a much longer-term perspective on church tenure. And they see their ministries fulfilled by lives changed and communities impacted. If the result is a larger church, they are fine with it. But numbers and size are not their measures of success, contentment, or obedience.

Let me hear from you. What do you think of these five reasons? What would add?

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Why Church Attendance Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage and Family

If you read any of my books or articles over the past few decades, you know I have a very high view of the local church. In my writings and presentations, I consistently remind people that, from Acts 2 to Revelation 3, the Bible is about the local church, written to the local church, or written in the context of the local church.

If God through His Word considers the local church important, then we must also give it the same priority in our lives.

However, a light bulb went on several months ago when I was doing the research and writing for my next book, The Anxious Generation Goes to Church (to be released in August 2025 from Tyndale). I was both amazed and encouraged to learn how much the non-Christian world wants local churches to be healthy. At least intuitively if not explicitly, the unchurched world understands the

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Why Don’t Pastors Use All Their Vacation Days?

About half of all American workers do not take all their allotted paid time off—the reasons why are relatively consistent across socioeconomic and demographic lines.

Half (52%) feel they don’t need the vacation time.Half (49%) are worried they would fall behind at work.A little less than half (43%) say they would feel bad about giving their co-workers additional work.

What about pastors? Few pastors use all their vacation days. One-third of the pastors say they always take fewer vacation days than the church permits.

How much vacation does a pastor receive? In an informal poll, we found nearly half of all pastors have two weeks or less of paid time off. Many pastors do not receive much vacation time, and then they don’t even utilize it!

None to 1 week (21%)2 weeks (28%)3 weeks (14%)4 weeks (25%)5 or more weeks (12%)

Some denominations do a better job than others in codifying vacation policies, but the reality is that far too many pastors simply are not taking advantage of this time away.

The pattern among pastors mirrors the general workforce in America. They are not getting the downtime they need, and those who have it are not taking it. Healthy patterns of rest are necessary for longevity. The expectation of 24/7 availability adds even more stress on pastors.

What are some of the reasons why pastors do not use their vacation days? I recently asked a few pastors in our online community, Church Answers Central, and on social media. Many clear themes emerged.

Constant interruptions occur while on vacation, so it’s not worth the effort for shorter trips.Some pastors find it a challenge to coordinate with a spouse’s work schedule.A few pastors mentioned their churches are generous with vacation days, and they do not need all the days every year. This group was the minority, but it was good to hear from some who received what they needed.Co-vocational pastors must figure out how to be away from two job responsibilities.Some full-time pastors field complaints from their churches over vacation, so they simply skip them.Other pastors know the power vacuum caused by their absence could result in the wrong people trying to leverage power in the church (Yes, it can happen during a one-week vacation!).Missing a Sunday is too much of a hassle, and the energy spent finding fill-ins is more than what is gained through a short vacation.Extended vacations are not even a possibility for many pastors. Missing two Sundays in a row can be problematic.

Like many professionals, pastors often struggle to take full advantage of their vacation days. The challenges they face—from constant interruptions to the difficulty of finding coverage—highlight the unique pressures of pastoral ministry. Churches and pastors must prioritize creating realistic systems and supportive environments that encourage healthy rhythms of work and rest. When pastors take their well-deserved time off, they benefit personally and model the value of Sabbath rest to their congregations, fostering a healthier church community overall.

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When Waiting on God is Really Hard

When I became a believer at age 13, my pastor told me to begin praying for my parents to become believers. I followed his direction, and I started praying that God would save my mom and dad. 

Frankly, God took His time. 

My dad turned to Christ when he was 71—36 years after I began praying for him. God dramatically changed my dad (so much so that we weren’t always sure he was the same person!), but it still took more than three decades for God to answer my prayer. 

My mom took even longer. Eleven years after God saved my dad, my mom turned to Christ at age 79. She lived only six months longer, but she, too, was unbelievably different after her conversion. Still, God listened to my prayers for 47 years before He answered them. 

At the time of mom’s conversion, I said more than once to others, “When God finally answers your prayers, you don’t worry about the delay anymore.” And, I still stand by that statement today. When I knew both my parents had met Jesus, it didn’t bother me that God took decades to answer my prayers. I simply praised him for what He had done in His timing.   

Now that you know some of my story, you would think that I no longer get stressed when God seems to take His time in responding to my prayers. If anybody knows better by experience, I should be that person. After all, I lived what I’ve just told you. 

Still, though, I struggle at times. I have an older sister and a buddy I love like a son for whom I’ve been praying 50+ years and 14+ years, respectively. Every day, I plead with God to save them.

Every day. For years. Decades even. And each day, I learn through my sometimes-weak faith more about waiting on God—and more about me. 

I’m learning in my waiting that nothing I’ve done or earned can change hearts. I may have a PhD in Evangelism and Church Growth (earned under my supervising professor at that time, Dr. Thom Rainer), and my title may be “Senior Professor of Evangelism and Missions,” but none of that matters right now. Only God can move a heart to turn to Him—and He does so in His time. The meantime as I await God’s response is a learning time for me. If you’re waiting for God to answer a prayer, too, I trust He is teaching you something in your meantime.I’m reminded daily that God’s calendar is not my calendar. What seems like a long time to me is hardly long for an eternal God. He is never hurried nor late, never worried nor uncaring, never unaware of my concerns nor not sovereign over all of them. We wait now, but God controls the calendar and the clock. He answers us at precisely the right time according to His perfect plan, not according to our imperfect one. The bottom line is this: God is faithful and right in all that He does, regardless of His timing. I’m still learning to trust God based on what I do know about Him rather than worry about His timing I don’t know.  I’m learning what fasting is all about. John Piper concludes that “Christian fasting, at its root, is the hunger of a homesickness for God.”[i] It is a longing for God to make Himself known more than anything. Again, Piper’s words convict me: “If you don’t feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great.”[ii] When I truly want God to do the great work of saving my sister and my friend—so much so that the temporary pleasure of food loses its power—the discipline of fasting makes sense to me. Waiting still hurts, but I can do it prayerfully with hope and anticipation.I’m being stretched to trust God all the way to death. In the musings of a man growing older, I’ve come to realize that I may die with prayers yet unanswered. It’s possible I may go home to heaven still longing for God to draw my loved ones to Him. I desperately want Him to answer my prayers while I’m here, but He may not—for now. My death, though, would not preclude God’s answering my prayers when I’m already in heaven. I should be able to die with waiting faith then because I’ve learned to live with waiting faith now. My trust should be both present tense and future tense; that is, it should be “the reality of what we hope for . . . the evidence of things we cannot see” (Heb 11:1, NLT).

I’ve learned, but I’m still learning when waiting’s hard. How about you? Have you been waiting on God a long time? If so, let us know—our Church Answers family would be honored to join you in prayer.

 

[i] John Piper,  A Hunger for God: Desiring God through Fasting and Prayer. Good News Publishers. Kindle Edition, Kindle loc. 93.

[ii] Piper, Hunger, Kindle loc. 229.

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Why a Pastor Did Not Survive a Difficult Church: An Interview

There are great rewards in the pastoral call. And there are times that there is great pain. In this article, I have asked a pastor to share his experiences in a difficult church, one where he eventually left under pressure. I wrote the interview verbatim while allowing the pastor to remain anonymous. 

Thom: As much as you feel comfortable, will you share with us the story of your church? 

Pastor: For starters, every church is a difficult church on some level.  After all, they are filled with fallen sinners and led by fallen sinners!  The situation that prompted me to agree to this interview was a situation in which I was called to lead a church that faced a number of challenges, some of which I was ill-equipped to lead them through, others which the congregation (from my perspective) was unwilling to address.  

Like many churches, my situation was comprised of factionalism, resistance to change, too much debt, a history of conflict, divisiveness, and short pastoral tenure.  Each of those issues presents a challenge to pastoral ministry and leadership.  When they are coupled with other problems, they can be overwhelming.  

In addition to inheriting a church with a host of issues, I also inherited a church with tremendous administrative demands, which was a major area of weakness for me.  My administrative shortcomings (which I have since addressed in significant ways) actually made my situation worse.  I found it challenging to stay on top of issues, keep everyone informed of changes, cast vision, and motivate ministry teams to pull in the same direction in ministry in a church that size.  In a typical church, I might have overcome those issues in time to grow into the pastor this church needed.  Given the lack of general church health and specific challenges this church faced, my lack of administrative expertise proved to be a significant hurdle. 

In addition to my church’s history and my own shortcomings, there was one key event that produced more significant conflict within the church early in my tenure that seemed to solidify a couple of key groups in their opposition to my ministry.  It was a church discipline issue that presented itself six weeks after I arrived at the church.  This issue was not a minor case of disagreement, one in which I could bide my time and slowly bring the church along.  It was a significant issue of sexual sin that was exposed in a very public way.  To refuse to address it would have meant a blatant disregard for Scripture and would have given the appearance that our church condoned the actions of the individual in question.  In calling our church to pray for the repentance of the individual in question (without naming the person) and discussing what would happen should the person not repent, I started a firestorm of controversy and complaints that lasted until the day I left (I literally received email complaints about my handling of the situation four years after the fact). 

This church had never discussed church discipline in her history, a fact confirmed by many longstanding members.  The shock of such a discussion apparently encouraged several influential members to dig in their heels in opposition to my ministry.  One man personally voted “no” for every item that came up in a business meeting after that event just to make a point.  Another member told me he made a point to stand up and vote “yes” triumphantly in the very first business meeting after my departure!  Another lady made a point of shouting, “Praise God!” when I announced my resignation from the pulpit.  It was a challenging church, to say the least. 

Thom: How long were you in this ministry when you discovered it would be a problematic church? 

Pastor: I discovered soon after I arrived that it was going to be a much more difficult church than I had imagined.  When I was a candidate for this church, I was told by numerous individuals that it was a great church with tremendous potential and that it just needed a few programmatic tweaks before seeing some significant growth.  Six weeks after I arrived, the unavoidable church discipline situation presented itself, which revealed just how many difficulties I would face.  From that point forward, it never ceased to amaze me the lengths some folks would go to in an effort to criticize me over minor issues.   

Thom: What are some of the signs that let you know it would be a challenging ministry? 

Pastor: This question is, unfortunately, too easy for me to answer.  I have personally counseled scores of pastors in difficult situations.  There is a common challenge that presents itself in these types of churches.  A truly difficult church, in my opinion, is marked by factions that care more about their vision for the church than obedience to Scripture and individuals who will attack a pastor personally in an effort to protect their desired direction for the church.  I know from personal experience that I am not the only pastor who has been falsely accused of issues in an effort to convince others it was time for a change in leadership.

Thom: What was the final issue that caused you to resign? 

Pastor: It was not a single issue. The cumulative effect of many issues took its toll on my wife and me. It got to the point where I received opposition to anything I led or suggested. More and more church members began criticizing my sermons to the point where I was paranoid about saying almost anything. 

Thom: What were some key lessons you learned from this difficult experience? 

Pastor: First, I needed to ask a lot more questions before I accepted the call to the church. I take part of the blame for my failure to learn about the challenges of this church. Second, I should have developed some key allies and supporters before tackling such a divisive issue. I knew I could not wait too long, but I really moved right into the problem without the support I needed. Finally, I know I did not pray enough during this time. I let my emotions control me rather than the Holy Spirit.

Thom: Do you think you could have survived the church if you had heeded these lessons from the onset? 

Pastor: Sadly, no. After we left, we heard from other members and pastors about the toxic nature of this church. The church was half its size within two years after we left. It’s been four years now, and I’ve heard from current and former members that they are considering closing the church. It is a sad story indeed. 

What do you think of this story? Do you have similar experiences? How can we help pastors who are going through such difficult times?

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How to Do Proper Exit Interviews When Church Staff Leave (Plus Downloadable Guide)

The personnel committee gathered for their monthly meeting. As the lead pastor walked into the room, he could feel the tension. The group was too quiet, and every eyeball followed the path to his seat. 

They started with a prayer as usual, but as soon as amen was said, one of the members released the pressure, “Pastor, why did Jeremy leave our church?”

“Well, God called him to another church.”

The pastor was slightly confused why everyone seemed stressed about the student pastor’s departure. 

“I know where he went. I want to know why he left.” 

Apparently, God’s calling was not a sufficient answer. In this case, the personnel committee member had a point. The church was unified. The lead pastor was long-tenured and well-respected. The student pastor had done an incredible job growing the middle and high school ministries. From the church’s perspective, everything was clicking. Why would someone

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40 Things I’ve Learned in 40 Years of Ministry

It was forty years ago that I began serving a small rural church in southern Indiana. I was so incredibly green then; I’m glad I didn’t always realize it. I loved those people in that church, and for some reason, they loved me, too. I had to be one of the most inept pastors in history, but they just continued to show me grace and love me even more. 

Now, four decades later, I reflect on what I’ve learned in ministry. Some lessons came rather naturally; others were very painful.

God is always faithful. Always. Always. Always.My family is my greatest gift beyond my salvation. I wish I had always realized it.I spent too much time worrying about things that I can’t even remember today.I took too many criticisms personally. Most critics weren’t mad at me.I always grow stronger when I spend time in the Word and prayer.My wife endured a lot in our ministry. I needed to minister to her more.When I can laugh at myself, I am more effective in ministry.I learned to be more compassionate through the deaths of my parents and grandson. I can now understand the pain many experience.I am always hurt when I hold grudges.I need to ask for forgiveness more quickly.I need friends to share both the joys and the challenges of ministry.I wish my sons had not seen my frustrations when I was a pastor or a dad or a husband.Life is short. Live it totally for Him every moment.I should stand stronger for injustice.Some of my most miserable days came when I grew jealous of others in ministry.Some other miserable days came when I lived to please people rather than God.When I don’t take care of myself physically, ministry seems more of a burden than a joy.Children are young but for a season. Some of my greatest joys have been with my three sons.One of the greatest blessings of life is to have adult children who are my best friends.I’m not nearly as smart as I sometimes think I am.I’ve never seen an argument won on social media.The local church is the best imperfect place on earth.I am always wiser when I listen to the wisdom of others.Too often, I list my problems rather than count my blessings.The devil is always looking for a way to trap me (1 Timothy 3:7).The internet never forgives or forgets.My success is not measured by the size of my church or the prestige of my organization.I’ve had a lot of grace shown to me. I need to pass that gift forward more.Many people who disagree with me have proved right.I am ashamed of how many times I have not shared the gospel.The older I get, the more I anticipate heaven with excitement. I wish I had always had that perspective.I’ve needed to demonstrate kindness more intentionally and more frequently.Every church has some really mean people. God has called me to love and serve them, too.I fight pride more often than I’d like to admit.Some of my worst moments in ministry were when I lost my temper.I’ve learned who my true friends are when I have little to offer them.I need to practice the discipline of repentance more frequently.Encouragement works better than harsh words.I need to read more.My grandchildren are almost perfect.

What have you learned in life and ministry? What can you add to this list?

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How to Get Started and Choose a Bible Reading Plan for the New Year

For many women, the new year is an opportunity to create meaningful habits, and one of the most transformative habits is time with God’s Word. The challenge for many women is how to start and then consistently read a Bible reading plan amidst the demands of family, work, and ministry. The key to getting started is beginning with intentionality and grace. Here are five practical steps to help you get started and choose a Bible reading plan that’s both realistic and impactful in spiritual growth.

1. Choose Achievable Goals

The ultimate goal is obviously to be in God’s Word daily, but going from no habit to 365 days of reading in one year is daunting. Instead, shoot for goals that are achievable and fit your current rhythm of life. If you’re just starting, consider setting a goal to read 3-4 days a week. This allows space for reflection and gives you grace if you miss a day. Alternatively, you might aim for five days a week, taking weekends off to reflect or catch up. The goal isn’t perfection but consistency—taking small, faithful steps that lead to lasting change. You can increase frequency as your habit gets stronger. Keep in mind, it’s not about checking boxes but finding a sustainable rhythm to engage with Scripture.

2. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity

Most Bible reading plans challenge you to read the entire Bible in one year. While that is a very valuable discipline, that is not the only way to approach Scripture. Sometimes there is more value in coming to understand the overall story of the Bible, and sometimes going deep into one book, rather than reading cover to cover.

Consider your season of life and your spiritual needs. If you’re seeking to know God’s character more deeply, then a slower-paced plan that includes reflection and journaling might be best. If you want an overview, then a chronological reading plan helps you to see the Bible as one cohesive narrative. Whatever you choose, remember the goal is transformation, not just information.

3. Choose a Readable Translation

The translation you choose can make a big difference in both your understanding and your enjoyment of Scripture. If you find yourself struggling to stay engaged with the Bible, you might consider a translation like the New Living Translation. The NLT strikes a good balance between clarity/readability and faithfulness to the original text, making it an excellent choice for devotional reading. Other available translations include the Christian Standard Bible, or CSB, or the New International Version, or NIV. The right translation will make Scripture more approachable and help you connect with God’s Word in a fresh way.

4. Choose Accountability

One of the best ways to be consistent in your Bible reading is to invite others to join you. Gather a group of women—coworkers, friends, or members of your church—to read along with you. Share your goals and encourage one another as you discuss what God is teaching you through His Word. Accountability doesn’t have to be formal. It might just be a weekly text check-in or even a monthly coffee date in which you discuss what you’ve read. This shared experience will keep you on track and grow the camaraderie for community and encouragement in Christ.

5. Don’t Give Up–Give Grace

Life happens even with the best of intentions. You might fall behind, or feel discouraged, after missing a day-or several days. And you might want to give up all together, but remember grace is at the heart of our faith.

If you get behind, don’t freak out. Find a place to reengage in your reading or devotional book or adjust your schedule. Remember, the point is not to stay on schedule but to regularly meet with God. Be as gracious to yourself as God is with you, and know each day you wake up is a fresh day to experience Him through His Word.

Final Encouragement

It’s less about getting started reading your Bible, more about growing in your relationship with God Himself. Begin with a prayer-asking the Holy Spirit to lead and shape you through His Word. Whether it’s a small or yearlong plan you’re getting yourself into, the time you will invest in the Scriptures will be an investment in your spiritual life. Take a step this year to make God’s Word a priority in your everyday life. Set goals that are challenging yet seem reachable, find a plan that works for you, and lean into the encouragement of others. Consistently, with grace, you will realize the joy and change accompanying setting your life on the truth of God’s Word.

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Not Just Another Year: 5 Simple Steps toward Obedience and Growth in 2025

This past August, I celebrated 50 years as a follower of Christ. I became a believer at age 13, started pastoring a small church at age 20, pastored churches for the next fourteen years, and have served as a seminary professor for the last 28 years. I wish I could say that all these years have been marked by spiritual growth, but that’s not the case. 

Frankly, no one discipled me when I was a young believer, and I’ve spent much of my spiritual journey trying to figure out how to grow in Christ. I do have pastoral heroes who model growth for me, though, and I continually watch other believers to see what I can learn from them, too. These “steps” I’m describing in this article are not rocket science—but they’ve been helpful to me as I seek to walk with Christ. Maybe one of these ideas will help

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