Michele Jaffe's Blog

VD Will Change Your Life

Hello snazzy pals! Here is a superdeluxe, superlong, superpackedwithpeanutsit reallysatisfies Valentines Day advice blog! Not only is there advice but there’s a contest and two easy steps that will guarantee you have a rad valentines day NO MATTER WHAT.

No, I’m not kidding.

I will be frank. I used to hate Valentines day. Partially because it seemed like so much PRESSURE but mostly because it seemed to bum so many people out.

And that is when I thought of my Two Easy Steps to Guaranteed VD Joy

Are you ready? ARE YOU REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADY?!?

Okay.

Step 1: Bake cookies

Step 2: Give them to all your friends and anyone who you want to be friends with.

I will let you read over that a few more times until the brilliance sinks in. Is it sinking? No? Allow me to explain:

By baking cookies and giving them away to your friends, you make everyone’s day. No one can be sad when eating a homemade cookie! You are spreading the love. Which is the whole point of Valentines Day!

BUT you also get something out of it. Not only can you Bask in Admiration, but if there happens to be someone you’re interested in, in either a Friendly or MoreThanFriendly way, you can slip them a cookie too. This is a nice gesture that will keep you on ThatPerson’s mind but since you’re giving delicious snacks to lots of people it also can’t be misconstrued as TooSerious.

Being nice to people is good karma by itself. But nicepluscookies means you get double karma points plus some of those bonus points you can redeem for good hair days and not getting mascara on your eyelid even if you are putting it on in a hurry mornings. And who doesn’t want that?

Finally, having done this will make a lot of people see you in a new way, as fun and nice and generous, and you’ll find that you will suddenly have more people saying ‘hi’ to you in the hall, more people smiling at you, and just generally more icing to put on the cakes of your days. Really. Don’t believe me? TRY IT.

I’ll make it EZ. I’m including three of my favorite cookie recipes.

But wait, there’s more! Since VD is conveniently located on a Wednesday, I challenge you to use this as your Wednesday Why Not.1 Which means that anyone who tries out this system and emails me to tell me how it went, will be entered into a drawing to win an autographed book. Um-hmm, because that. Is. How. I. Do. CONTEST STYLE.

Yumaluma Chocolate Mint Cookies

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

1 3/4 cups sugar

2 large eggs

3/4 teaspoon peppermint extract

2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 bag chocolate chips (optional. But really, why wouldn’t you? I mean unless you hated deliciousness)

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. Using electric mixer, beat butter and sugar in large bowl until well blended. Beat in eggs and peppermint extract. Add flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt and beat until well blended. Fold in chocolate chips. Form dough into 1-inch balls. Place 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheets. Flatten balls slightly to 1 1/2-inch rounds.

3. Bake cookies until edges begin to firm but center still appears soft, about 13 minutes. Cool on baking sheets 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks and cool completely. (Cookies can be prepared up to 5 days ahead. Store in airtight container at room temperature.)

Makes about 48.

Strangely Fabulous Neiman Marcus Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

1 cup light brown sugar

3 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 large egg

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1-3/4 cups all purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1-1/2 teaspoons instant espresso coffee powder

1-1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Cream the butter with the sugars using an electric mixer on medium speed until fluffy (approximately 30 seconds)

2.Beat in the egg and the vanilla extract for another 30 seconds.

3. In a mixing bowl, sift together the dry ingredients and beat into the butter mixture at low speed for about 15 seconds. Stir in the espresso coffee powder and chocolate chips.

4. Using a 1 ounce scoop or a 2 tablespoon measure, drop cookie dough onto a greased cookie sheet about 3 inches apart. Gently press down on the dough with the back of a spoon to spread out into a 2 inch circle. Bake for about 20 minutes or until nicely browned around the edges. Bake a little longer for a crispier cookie.

Yield: 2 dozen cookies

Seven Layers of Heaven Cookies

(what I like most about these is that butter appears to count as a layer. Go butter!)

1 stick butter

1 1/2 cups graham crackers

1 can Eagle brand sweetened condensed milk

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 1/2 cups coconut

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 cup butterscotch chips (can be omitted)

Melt butter in a 9X9. Sprinkle crumbs over butter and pour Eagle brand condensed milk over the crumbs. Top with remaining ingredients in the order given and press down firmly.

Bake 25 minutes or until lightly brown at 350 degrees.

Makes 12-16 (depending on your desired hugeness)

If cookies are too hard, lay in a supply of Tootsie Pops. This will also enable you to start some conversations by raising one eyebrow and saying with a smile, “How many licks does it take you to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” Which, as my college roommates can attest, has worked for me on many occasions

So, everyone ready to SpreadSumLuv and take VD by storm? And then email me at advice@michelejaffe.com and brag about it? Fantastico! Go put the YAY in VALENTINES DAYYY!

^^^^

Dear Michele,

There’s this guy I like, at school. He doesn’t talk a lot, at least not to me, and I suck at making conversation (let alone flirting). I kind of think one or two people have possibly implied he might like me, but I am not sure at all. But if he likes me, he’s sure strange about it because he seems to ignore me a lot. I want to show I like him without coming on too strong, because I feel like

that’s what I’m doing. What should I do?

Wallflower.

Dear Wallflower,

Its like the Two Steps were just WRITTEN for you. Baking cookies and then giving him one is a primo opportunity to chat in a casual-yet-fun way. And you can chat about cookies! What could be better than that?

Answer: nothing.

(Except maybe chatting about cupcakes)

^^^^

Dr J,

Valentines is coming up, as you know. I’ve been going out with this guy i like, and on Valentines day it will be only about 3 and a half weeks. I’m not sure if he’s getting me something, but I’m going to feel bad if he gets me something and I dont get him something. I’ll also feel awkward if I get him something and he doesnt get me something. [[Not bad, but awkward cause he'll feel awkward for not getting me something]] If I do get him something, what do I get him? We’re only 14… HELP!!!!!!!!

Thanks,

To Give or Not to Give, that is the question

Dear To Give or Not to Give,

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s a…

CUPCAKE!

What? Yes, a cupcake is the superhero you need to save the day. For a cupcake is exactly what you should give your pal. Not only are cupcakes delicious and nutritious. They are like the chameleon of cakes, the ‘cake for all situations.

If he gave you a present then giving him the cupcake and saying “this reminded me of you because its sweet and makes me smile” will make the cupcake seem very thoughtful; if he didn’t give you a present then giving him the cupcake and saying “happy Valentines day” will be casual but kind.

Rain or shine, in the face of a diamonte heart pendant or a stick of gum, the cupcake will swoop in and save the day.

^^^^^

Don’t forget to email me your Valentines Day cookie stories for a chance to win an autographed book!

Be cookalicious!

airkisses,

Dr. J

Valentines Day Blastacre!

Greetings earthlings! Its almost Valentines Day! The holiday that makes more people feel like pieces of gum stuck on the shoe of the world than any other!

Don’t worry, though, ADVICEOPOLIS IS HERE FOR YOU! Yes! To start with, I suggest some musical accompaniment. Play the video below as you read along. It is impossible not to be jolly when you hear this song (you don’t have to watch the video, I just can’t find the song all by itself):

Okay, where was I? Oh, yes! Advice! Here it is:

Dear Dr. J—

So, yeah. Its that time of year again. You know. Valentines Day. And I don’t have a Special Someone to share it with. There’s this person I have a crush on but I don’t know if Person likes me so…what should I do? How can I avoid becoming catatonically depressed?

Love,

Where’s Cupid When You Need Him?

Dear Where’s Cupid,

I am not a fan of Valentines Day because every year it seems to make more people sad than happy. And that is not a good day! But this year I got my crack team of Adviceopolis scientists to work on unraveling the truth behind why Valentines Day is such le bummer, and—because they are crack! (no, not on crack)—they figured it out! In. Deed.

So, I now present to you the eternal truth about why Valentines Day sucks.

Are you ready?

VALENTINES DAY SUCKS BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAVE A GOOD MASCOT

YES! You see the logic of this right? No? You say that the heart is the mascot of Valentines Day? Perhapppppppps, but would you want to, like, go dressed on Halloween as Valentines Day? No you would not. All good holidays have excellent mascots like Christmas (Santa), and when you lose a tooth (Tooth Fairy) and Easter (bunny) and St. Patricks day (Leprechaun), and Everyone Dress Like Ninjas Day (Ninja). And maybe you wouldn’t go dressed as Santa for Halloween but that is just because the costume is kind of bulky and plus, Santa is a real person (HE IS TOO!).

Anyway, my point is, without a good mascot, its hard to rally behind Valentines Day. Oh and there’s also the part where it makes most people feel like Queen Poo from Poo Planet, because even if you’re in a relationship it’s usually a one way trip to Grave Disappointmentville.

But I have a way to fix everything that is wrong with Valentines Day in one swoop. By holding a contest!

Not just any contest, but the biggest contest I have EVER HELD on this blog. And the contest: to come up with a worthy mascot for Valentines Day. The prize is a SIGNED copy of my book BAD KITTY in American English, British English, French or Swedish, (your choice) PLUS a Bad Kitty t-shirt. !!!!! And also ¡¡¡¡¡!

How does that fix anything, let alone EVERYthing? You don’t see it yet? Walk with me.

Valentines Day is for spreading love-n-cheery goodness like you’d spread Nutella all over a piece of bread (mmm nutella), right?

[image error]

[insert energetic nodding]. But most people make the mistake of only giving love-n-cheery goodness to specific individuals, which would be like dumping all your Nutella on one small part of the bread.

Quel tragedy! Also what a waste! If, instead, you spread Nutella evenly all over, you get to enjoy it much longer.

HAPPYYUM!

So rather than focusing all your love-n-cheery on one person, say Crush, spread it over all the people you like (+ Crush). And what do you use to spread love-n-cheer?

My contest! And these three easy steps:

STEP 1: You go up to anyone you want to talk to, glance up at them through your lashes and say: “Hello Superfly Pal of Mine-slash-my superhot Crush and his/her/its friends [or you could use their names]! Happy Valentines day! I’m trying to win a contest by coming up with the best mascot for Valentine’s Day so I’m taking a survey. What do you think would be an ace mascot for this holiday? Preferably something you’d want to wear to a Halloween party. If you help me, I’ll give you a kiss.”

STEP 2: Record their answers, do some more up through the eyelash glancing and give them…a Hershey’s kiss. Ha ha ha! You have been witty AND wise (because hello, GERMS).

STEP 3: Email me your entries at advice@michelejaffe.com

for the Valentines Day Mascot contest by February 17th and you could be my lucky winner (Also please be sure to include whether you are over or under thirteen). Winner of a book AND a t-shirt! In a variety of languages!

HOW CAN YOU NOT BE PREPARING FOR THIS ACTIVITY RIGHT NOW? GOGOGOGO!

And EMAIL ME EMAIL ME EMAIL ME!! Together we will SAVE Valentines Day!

(If you’re not feeling Mascot Inspired, another way to Improve your Valentines day is to do what I suggested last year)

Tune in next week for more regularly scheduled advice.

And in the meantime, be le superduperfantastico!

airkisses,

Dr. J

Bye bye why why?

Dear Dr. Jaffe:

I have a problem with my guy friend. We are ‘a little bit more than just friends but still just friends’ in other words we are friends but we flirt with each other a lot. The problem is that he’s moving this summer. How do I say good-bye to him without getting mushy and/or weepy and making it all uncomfortable? (And he knows I likehim)

An amigo at loss for words

Dear Amigo,

Saying adios to a friend is always rough, and trying to hide your true feelings while you do it is like an extra helping of challenge salsa on the side. The best way to keep yourself from bursting into tears is to say whatever you want, but as a joke. So for example you could say:

“I hope the girls at your new school appreciate all the excellent training I gave you in the fine art of flirting. If you ever need to practice, give me a call.”

Or: “God, just thinking about how much you’re going to miss me makes me a little teary.”

Or: “Don’t make me get mushy on you. Because I can.”

Or, if you find yourself sniffling say, “Wow, my allergies are acting up,” and laugh.

But there’s another school of thought that says you have nothing to lose by saying to him, “Thanks for all the great flirting. Nobody does it better. I’m really going to miss you.” And then running to the girls bathroom really fast before you burst into tears.

Airkisses,

Dr. J

Bye Bye Shy!

Dear Michele,

There is a boy I really like in my grade, but I barely even know him. I’ve never been in his class and I don’t think he even knows my name! I would like to get to know him better but I get all nervous when I’m around him and screw up what to say. –What do I do?

Dear WdId?,

Listen up all you shy girls out there who want to talk to their crushes but don’t know what to say. Here is a fail safe plan. Are you listening with rapt attention? Can you not take your eyes off these words? Okay:

All you have to do is find a way to stand next to him in line or sit next to him at an assembly or lunch or something and say “Hi. I bet my friend that you don’t even know my name. Do you?”

If he says: “Yes, it’s [inset name].”

You say: “Uh, oh, now I owe my friend a snickers bar. But it was worth it because I got to talk to you.”

If he says: “No, I don’t”

You say: “It’s [insert name]. What’s yours? Nice to meet you.”

And then you smile and sashay away. Whenever you pass him after that you say “Hi, [insert his name],” and smile. You’ve broken the ice and made sure he knows your name all in a single stroke! Are you dazzled by the simplicity? Yes, I thought you would be.

And you’re not done! The ‘I have a bet with my friend’ line is like the gift that just keeps giving. You can use it over and over again. For example:

“I bet my friend that your favorite band is The National”

“I bet my friend that you’re going to see Avengers #24 this weekend”

“I bet my friend that you secretly record Toddlers in Tiaras.”

Each time he answers that you’re wrong, sigh, bat your eyes a bit and say that you’re bummed to lose but at least you got to talk to him; each time he answers that you’re right, you can say “that’s my favorite band/movie choice for the weekend/guilty pleasure too!” And start talking about it.

By using the “I have a bet with a friend” line you learn things about him, have a reason to talk to him, and have a running joke. Its like your birthday, chrismakkua and winning the lottery all wrapped up in one!

Go do it. I bet you can…

Airkisses,

Dr. J

I’m! So! Stressed!

Dear Michele,

Last night my dad said that I needed to be less tense and more relaxed (except he said it in a much cruder manner). This has terribly upset me because I never thought I was “too tense”. Basically I am pretty focused and always have been so I have never “partied” or done drugs or anything like that and I get good grades and always have. I have always been teased by other people about those things and told I should loosen up but I have never been told so by my own father and never really thought I needed to loosen up. I mean what if all these years I have just been shrugging off what people say when it’s true? I am so upset because I don’t want to have to go out and get drunk and have sex with random people just so I’m cool and relaxed. I guess my question is how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to do? I just feel like everybody sees me and thinks I’m no fun and a prude or something.

Confused

Dear Confused,

What other people say or think about you doesn’t matter; what matters is if you are happy the way you are. If you are, then when your dad or anyone else says something about you being too tense, just laugh it off.

But if you can’t, it might be because they’ve struck a nerve and that’s good to know too. Maybe you are too tense, and not entirely happy with things in your life. If that’s the case, this could be an awesome time to reevaluate.

Ask yourself this:

When was the last time you laughed or smiled?

If the answer isn’t today, you’re probably too tense.

I asked my friend Dave, who is, really and truly, an expert on stress (yes! That’s a job!) about this and here’s what he said:

“If a person’s stress system is working normally, she should feel relaxed most of the time with occasional, short-lived bouts of feeling tense. Many people are so used to being stressed that they think short periodic moments of being relaxed is the norm.

One image I like is that of being chased by a large predator (take your pick). This is what the stress response is actually designed for. In this scenario, your body cranks up some systems vital for escape (heart and breathing rates, blood pressure, analgesic capacity) and shuts down others that are unnecessary (digestion and reproductive being most notably unimportant when running from a large predator). Long term memory and

learning are also giving much lower priority. Peripheral vision (literally – but also a great metaphor) becomes much narrower as we focus only on what is right in front of us -we are looking for a place to hide or a stick to use as a weapon. People who are stressed have been shown to have a harder time being “team players” because of this narrowed focus and they are much more likely to suffer accidental injury – perhaps due to

this lack of peripheral vision.”

In other words, when you’re stressed out you’re like a pack horse with blinders on: you feel weighed down and can only see what is right in front of you which means both that you’re not able to make the best decisions, and also that you’re missing out on a lot.

But Dave also points out that stress isn’t all bad. He says: “A metaphor I like for why it is important to pay attention to the signs of stress and to learn from them is a smoke alarm. If the alarm goes off (stress), we can shut it off (avoidance) or we can look to see if there is a fire (awareness) and put it out (behavior or perspective change).”

There are things we have to do, responsibilities to others and school work and jobs and etc and blah and so on. But you have total control over how you react to those. If you can see them as exciting challenges, then they may be stressful, but not tense making.

So next time someone says something as absurd as “What you need is to get laid” you can either become furious. Or you can burst into laughter and assume he’s kidding. Because that is a totally ridiculous statement if you think about it.

Not to mention a very bad use of sex.

Airkisses,

Dr. J

My mom is reading my diary wha?!?!

Dear Dr Jaffe,

I am utterly confused. I would normally write down all my troubles in my diary, but that is the problem, my diary. I think that my mum is reading it. Last month I finally, after like 8 years, wrote down everything I felt after my parents split up and then my mum started asking really relevant questions. So I wrote again, stupidly trusting her, and because I was beginning to get a complex about the privacy of it, I booby trapped it, so I would know if someone had been in it…3 days later I get back from my dads and its evidently been opened. I am 17 and not really one for confrontation with my mum as we are close, and I don’t want to cause a rift between us, but at the same time I feel utterly betrayed, but can’t write it all down!

What shall I do??

–Confront or Cry

Dear Confront or Cry,

Have you ever been shopping at a makeup counter when they have one of those specials where if you buy two lipsticks more than you’d planned you get a Free Gift With Purchase? And its always something you didn’t even know you wanted but when you have it its super cool?

Today is Adviceopolis Free Gift With Purchase day for you. Because not only can we help you get your privacy back without confrontation, we’ll help you get it back while IMPROVING your relationship with your mom.

For.

Real.

(And you don’t even have to buy a lipstick you don’t want.)

Although it doesn’t feel this way, your mom’s motivation in reading your diary wasn’t evil. I’d guess you inherited your confrontation aversion from her, so she probably thinks that stealthily reading your diary is a good way to make sure you’re all right without driving you away by asking prying questions. Of course nothing drives someone away faster than feeling betrayed, but parents aren’t always the clear thinkers we wish they were. It is tragic really. That is why we must be their gentle guides.

There are three excellent ways you can do this. I’m listing them in what I think would be good-better-best order, but only you know what that will work for you.

GOOD: Keep the diary you have now, the one your mom has read, and use it to write things that you wish your mom knew. Think of it like a direct line to her brain. In the meantime, start a second diary that you keep hidden where you can write about stuff that is Not For Mom Eyes. By giving her a shadow diary to read, you keep open that line of connection with her, while protecting your secrets. (Plus it makes it easy for you to hint about birthday gifts you’d like, and also every now and then to say something so sweet that it will bring a heartfelt tear to her eye. Which is always good. Moms like that.)

BLUSHER: On a sheet of paper write a note to her and put it in your diary where you know she’ll find it. Have it say something like “Dear Mom, I love you very much and I love our relationship. I don’t want to exclude you from my life, but there are things I feel are private and want to keep to myself. You know I tell you everything important because I respect and trust you and know that you respect and trust me. Show me that respect and trust now by letting my diary be secret. If you want to know more about me, ask. Or, if asking is too hard, write me a note and leave it in my room and I’ll write back. But don’t read my diary. If I find this letter is gone, I’ll know you’ve agreed not to read it any more. We don’t have to talk about this, we can just be glad we have each other and understand each other.” That way she knows you know without your having a discussion about it, but you propose a way to stay in contact. (And that end part? About having each other? Could, if handled right, lead to heartfelt tears.)

BEST: Have a face to face meeting. I know you said ‘no confrontation’, but this doesn’t have to be confrontational. Stay calm and say something along the lines of what I suggested you say in a letter. You could even propose that the two of you get a diary to keep together, where one of you can write about an issue and the other could respond. The key thing will be your delivery: by not blaming her or lashing out, you keep the tone from being challenging and you also act adult and mature—which will impress her. (Possibly leading to…heartfelt tears! For both of you! Double the fun!)

These aren’t the only options for dealing with this—you could keep your diary in code, or invisible ink, or on an etch-a-sketch, or tattooed between your toes, for example—but I think they’re the best options, the ones that will have you and your mom not just making up, but making over your relationship.

airkisses,

Dr. J

What do you say when…

dear michele

what do you say when the guy you like asks you who you like? do you say him? do you say no one?

–ahhh

Dear ahhhh,

This is one of the ancient mysteries! The greatest minds of all time have worked on this, trying to unearth the perfect answer to this question, the one that won’t leave you totally vulnerable, but at the same time gives the guy a hint that he’s the One.

And now the search is over. I present to you the Adviceopolis patented answer to the dangerous crush question, in easy to follow sample dialogue form. Feast your eyes on this:

Boy: So, um, who do you like?

Girl: What if I said it was you?

See how tricky that is? It turns the question around without being all “You tell me first,” AND on the off chance that he’s asking for his best friend, it spares you embarrassment. But it also gives him a cue to confess his feelings if he has them. It’s like an answer plus a reconnaissance mission all in one!

There is a downside, though: boys can be a bit slooooow and it might confuse him. But if that happens, you can always switch to being direct and say, “You. I like you.”

Or, you know, you could start with that.

Take Back Wednesdays

Dear Michele,

I hate Wednesdays. Is there anything I can do to get over that?

Love,

HumpHater

Dear Humpy,

Help is on the way! Our dedicated Adviceopolis scientists working tirelessly in the lab have come up with a cure for the Common Wednesday, something to add some spice to what feels like the longest day of the week. Its a new feature called Wednesday Why Not (WWN).

Here’s how it works: every week on Wednesday you have to do something that is either:

a. Very nice

b. Very brave

That means that Wednesday is the day to (these are just examples; make up your own) give a friend an extra compliment, bake cookies for a team, reach out to that girl who sits alone at lunch, clean up your room without being asked; OR Wednesday is the day to go up and talk to that person you’ve been crushing on, get a new haircut, try out going from prep to goth, have a hard conversation with a friend, sign up to audition for the school play.

Once you’ve done your nice-slash-brave thing, it’s time to brag about it! Write to me about what you did and what happened at advice@michelejaffe.com (and please mention whether you are over or under thirteen). As your reward for being nice-slash-brave, I’ll choose one person at random to win a Bad Kitty t-shirt, and you might even get your WWN act published here! In Adviceopolis! For all to see and admire! Plus of course the zillion gold stars and chocolate chip cookies I’ll be sending you in my mind.

But the real reward is that not only will you have something to make Wednesday stand out from the crowd, but by being so cool yourself, you’ll amass tons of credit in the Bank of Good Karma and people will start being cooler to you. For. Real. Then everyone’s a WWNer!

So stop reading and get banking!

Airkisses,

Dr. J

Free books!

Hello little lovelies! Do I have a treat for you? Whoops that should be an exclaimation point because that is no question, it is a true fact. A million years ago in a galaxy far far away I wrote historical romance novels. Now for the first time they are available as ebooks. In honor of that thrilling event, my superfab publisher Diversion Books is giving away the first one FREE. That is for zero dollars and zero cents! Yes!

So go get yours today: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-...

It is the fastest and least expensive way to take the brrrr out of Record Brrrreaking Cold Temperatures.

airkisses,

Michele

Home or Away?

Welcome to the Adviceopolis General Store. We spent the past few days restocking the shelves with the finest in Advice, both imported and domestic.

Dear Michele,

I’m a brand-new-18-year-old girl, and right now, I’m living at home and going to college. The thing is, I have to transfer next year. On the one hand, I’d like to go away and experience new people and new things, and try living on my own for a bit. But on the other hand, I’ve never lived alone, and I’m worried that I’ll freak out and get homesick, and I’d be too far away to come home. I’m especially worried because the few times I have gone away for a few days, I did get really homesick, and missed my family, and I don’t know if it will just get worse. Should I just not take the risk, and find a college near home? I’m really confused, please help!

Afraid to leave the nest

Dear Afraid,

I so know where you’re coming from. The one time my parents sent me to sleep away camp I wrote 42 letters BEGGING them to bring me home. “The counselors all hate me and one of them s-s-s-stole my grano-o-o-o-ola bars! YOU HAVE GOT TO SAVE ME FROM THIS PLACE! THOSE ARE REAL TEARS YOU CAN SEE ON THE PAPER.”

But they ignored me. And they were right to, because by the end of the week (yes, this was only for a week), I’d had a great time and learned a lot of cool things (how to make a hammock for an ant out of my bunkmate’s favorite t-shirt) and a lot about myself (possible to survive without chocolate chip chewy granola bars).

Homesickness is natural, and it shows what an excellent place you come from. But it’s not fatal, and it should never be a reason to NOT do something.

I can’t overstate what an incredible opportunity going far away to college is. It comes at exactly the right time in your life, a moment when you have the minimum of responsibility and the maximum of perky boobs. I mean possibilities. Plus, you’re surrounded by people who are in the same situation you are—away from home, on their own probably for the first time—in a setting that is carefully designed to get people mingling.

If none of that convinces you of the importance of taking this risk, consider this [WARNING: IF YOU ARE SQUEMISH OR EASILY FRIGHTENED, DO NOT READ WHAT FOLLOWS]: if I hadn’t gone 3000 miles away from home to college, I might still be wearing white knee high fringe boots. Over jeans. Every day.

Exactly

[I TRIED TO WARN YOU]

Now go get those applications!

Airkisses,

Dr. J