Tedder's Blog, page 36

Mirror Mirror ~ What Crime Would You Like God to Remember?

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Introspection — what better way to start a week.

Don’t doubt yourself! Even God remembers the crime committed against you. In the last book of the bible, John tells us “and God has remembered her crimes.” Did you know that God remembers?

Question – What crime would you like God to remember for you today?

And, please, religious folks – this is not unforgiveness. This is justice. God is all about justice.

I am reminded often that remembering my past brings freedom to my future. Forgetting my past — keeps me in prison.

Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder

I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.

A Jewel: I find myself moved to tears this morning thinking of my children and my grandchildren. What gifts they are! They encourage me, make me laugh, cause me to think, and leave me brokenhearted when I am away from them. Jewels in the highest measure – each of them.

A Gem: My heart is overwhelmed this morning with gratitude. I’ve had so many people make such positive comments about the book A Prisoner by No Crime of My Own. I had a lovely friend look at me yesterday and say, “I have two words for you after reading your book. Courage and tenacity!”

I am thankful to a God who pursues us, never gives up on us, and shows us the way with an enlightened path before us. He has always led me, although there were times in my life I just would not listen. I couldn’t. I was dulled by life’s heartaches and disappointments. Today, that is no longer true.

Metaphorical Gunpowder: Abusers do not win. No one them. I am living proof that they all subside and decrease through the power of our words. Our testimony against them defeats them. Stand tall. Stand up. Tell your story.

Please comment below by leaving your jewel, a gem or something you keep yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.

All love!

Capital T – truth

Truth telling is the first and the LAST step to healing your trauma.

The first step in the reconciliation process is truth. If we hope to reconcile our path and move forward with any sense of hope, we must begin by telling the truth of our shared history. Unfortunately, our trauma prevents that truth telling. We’re afraid of what might happen when we do. We fear others reactions and we fear our own grief response.

But, without this opening there can be no authentic unification between each other and with God. We will continue to feel betrayed by Him and others – and ultimately, by ourselves.

B

F N’ F (Fear Not Friday)

Chatting about fear — If your abuser is not prosecuted, do you believe your story is still credible?

Seldom are crimes against children prosecuted. If they are prosecuted, not all pedophiles or abusers are convicted. This leaves an incredible burden in the life of the victim.

“I told my story and nothing happened.”

I see it all the time. My heart seeks a higher justice because I, too, need a peace from the lack of confrontation and accountability that these abusers are not held to. They destroy the life of a child and life on like nothing happened. They buy cars, and houses, go on vacations and mock their victims by receiving no accountability — let alone some kind of punitive sentence.

Do you know why there are so many victims of these crimes? Because our justice system does very little to stop them. Incest and all childhood sexual assaults – police departments hate. These crimes lack evidence. It all becomes a hearsay story – or does it?

Do not let the fear of man stop you in your pursuit of justice. Justice does exist here on earth. I am living proof!

May the God of all comfort be with you today!

Are your words twisted?

I don’t believe my words are twisted, but an abuser can represent them to others and change their meaning.

Chaos and confusion doesn’t come from God. I’ve stayed close to him through the years and he guards me, teaches me, moves me on. He has helped me separate what my voice is and what my voice is not.

My words are not twisted. My memories are clear.

The twisting comes from those outside of me. I think back to my first marriage. I was in that marriage for 17 years. He was a classic abuser — mentally, physically, and sexually — he hurt his entire family. When I first got into counseling, I had a counselor tell me to “stop running everything by my husband.”

I thought being a good wife was to run everything by him.

The counselor explained it this way, “the only world you are seeing is the world according to him.”

Think about that. Would this twist my words, my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions? You betcha!

Let’s talk about the police department. They spend less than an hour with me, take the case, and begin looking at this “suspicious persons” case. I learn when the file is closed and I receive an excerpt record that this detective spent three hours with my mother and sister.

Do you suppose they twisted my words? I think it’s clear.

A quote from North Country from a lawyer to a woman seeking justice: ‘they’ll say you’re either nuts and you imagined it, or your a slut and you asked for it’. The ‘nuts and sluts’ defense. Sound familiar?

You see you! It takes courage, depth of exploration, and a path that doesn’t end.

In the end, I have learned to trust myself.

Shedding Skin

Frederik Nietzsche wrote: “The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die.”

I think about this a lot.

In fact, it is my driving force in life aside from my family and God – the idea of being a better version of myself and taking risks and pushing hard to grow…even when it is painful.

Shedding each layer of skin and feeling raw for a while requires bravery and courage and real strength and vulnerability.

Of course, shedding our skin doesn’t mean to be without skin. It means that we are opening to a level where there is more transparency and more porousness and more of a natural exchange—a belonging to our world.

So the challenge, for all of us, is that we are very habituated and attached to and identified with our particular familiar skin—our cocoon.

Every one of us.

It is part of our evolution.

We develop our cocoon and we are attached to it, and we have to deal with that. The ego-self is organized around controlling life.

Most of the time, we are trying to get what we want and avoid what we don’t want and trying to hold on to security and comfort and push away fear or pain.

But that is never possible.

So shed that layer & step into the next version of yourself.

B

I’m Scared

Yesterday I mailed out 12 packets on information to the President of the United States, the Governor of Washington, the Mayor of Vancouver, the Chief of Police, and two Washington Senators. I sent a courtesy copy to many local investigative reports, too. My goal is to have them help me excavate and exhume the body of the murdered woman who has been lying their, under 20 years of garbage, for over 50 years. The Vancouver Police Department will not help me, so I’m casting my net broader.

I’m scared that they may not help me. I am also scared that they will. Would you please pray with me that I can find closure to this 50 year old homicide?

Healing from old wounds like this takes great courage. In truth, there are parts of my (like many of us) that wants to keep hidden the evils of yesterday. If we don’t explore them, they don’t exist, right?

Wrong! They exist. They haunt us. The inner battle is always on.

I pray I win this one so the family of this missing woman receives answers and she gets the burial she deserves.

If you would like to hear the story it was aired on The Vanished Podcast, Episode 355: Madeline Babcock. This murder woman deserves to be remembered.

https://www.thevanishedpodcast.com/episodes/2022/7/25/episode-355-madeline-babcock

You can also read it in my newly published book (audio book coming shortly):

PTSD is a whole body tragedy

PTSD is a whole-body tragedy…of the heart, mind, body, and soul- of which all are interconnected.

But beneath the surface of the protective layers of trauma survivors there lays an undamaged essence, a part that is confident, curious, and calm, a part that has been sheltered from destruction by Jesus himself. Healing is a form of getting back to this original Self … who we were created to be.

In order to find out original parts we must let ourselves be cracked open, we must allow the hurt to cradle us, the pain to come rushing in … it is the only way to be whole again.

B

Isolation = Vulnerability

We need connection. Period. I know that people are the very thing that broke my world. When I couldn’t trust anyone, I trusted God.

I have learned that isolating myself (which I was formerly very fond of) did nothing good for me.

I may have perceived safety by being alone, but isolation is lonely and cold.

Building this community has been part of my healing. Bringing together others that need words of comfort — setting their pain aside to breathe — live!

Stay strong today. Reach out to one person and ask for anything — a cup of tea, a shared lunch, or even ask for prayer.

xoxoxoxo! All blessings today.

Stop Child Abuse Now — Talk Radio Show — NAASCA

Join me tonight, Monday, March 27, 2023, on the NAASCA Talk Radio Show, where I will be sharing my story.

It will be live at these times: ET–8pm – Central 7pm – Mountain is 6pm and Pacific is 5pm.

Call in number is 646-595-2118.

Check out the NAASCA here: http://www.naasca.org/.

Thank you for all your work supporting survivors.

I will post the recording of the show after it airs.