Tedder's Blog, page 43
January 16, 2023
Mirror Mirror
Introspection — what better way to start a week.
Question: How do you recognize the fog of dissociation? What is it speaking to you?
When I chose to stand up and fight this enemy of incest, I knew the battle would not be an easy one. I stay true to that commitment even when it hurts. And, it hurts.
Why does it hurt to heal?
I always think this is the last time I have to walk through a door to the past and bring out that little hurting girl. I remember my counselor of many years, Redmond, telling me it may never end completely. I don’t like that answer but now I know how to get through it.
The fog of dissociation begins to reel the film forward in my soul.
I am so happy that I am a mother and can love my family more each time I peel another layer from my past off of me. I’m left in a better condition but surgery hurts.
January 14, 2023
Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder
I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.
A Jewel: I hate religion. I absolutely despise it. It captures people and keeps them in dark deception. Religious folks think they are just so good. It makes my soul hurt when I hear religious people talking. God does not need your good. He wants your heart.
A Gem: Jeremiah was a prophet in the Old Testament. He and God had a conversation. God told him this:
My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. 7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.
Jeremiah 24:6
Beautiful relationship is what God desires with us. It is so powerful to know that he wants good for us. That His eyes are watching over us for our good. That he builds us up not tears us down.
Metaphorical Gunpowder: SHAME – it isn’t easy to tell my story with you. It really has been difficult. I have an ugly past but there are parts that are also delightful. My children. Watching how God has brought me through. SHAME – get behind me.
You can buy a copy of A Prisoner by No Crime of My Own here:
January 13, 2023
F N’ F (Fear Not Friday)
On the discussion of fear — Do you feel like you are battling along in life alone?
Incest is a lonely journey from the moment it touches your life. Who understands what has happened to you? Who do you tell? Who do you talk to about it?
Usually, no one. And, that hurts. The message left in our bones is that we are alone in this battle.
If you get the courage to stand up and fight back, who wants to really listen to you?
I do! I want to hear your story. And I want to tell you this – if you walk with Jesus, he does the fighting for you.
The battle is not yours, but God’s!
II Chronicles 20:15
I am a bad-ass warrior. You know why? I stand behind Jesus and let him do my fighting for me.
I am no longer alone.
January 11, 2023
Small goals / big dreams
Trauma seems to be all about broken connections.
Connection is broken with the body/self, family, friends, community, nature, and God.
And likewise, it seems, healing trauma is about restoring these connections.
Rebuilding trust, regaining confidence, returning to a sense of security and reconnecting to love are all instrumental in healing our hearts, our brains, our bodies.
This is my healing goal for the week. Share yours below!
B
January 10, 2023
You’re As Sick As Your Family Secrets
Were you raised in an abusive family?
Did selfish, abusive or sadistic parents sit at the head of your family table? Did evil permeate your daily childhood existence?
The price we pay to stay connected to our abusers is almost impossible to quantify. The immense burden of carrying around families secrets is a weight so strong it will pull you straight to the bottom of a poisoned well. Once you are there…it is very hard to climb out of. For many, they stay, entombed in fear, living their life submerged, without breath, trapped.
When we are raised in these diabolical family systems, secrets become a fundamental part of the way we live.
We have to keep secrets from the monsters above us, and we have to hold on to their secrets too.
It was wrong then. It’s wrong now.
For you to move forward, to lift that weight off of your chest, you’re going to have to learn how to be honest about yourself, your life, and what you have experienced in the past.
The time for secret keeping is over. It’s time to tell your truth and to acknowledge what happened then, what’s happening now, and what’s going to happen to your tomorrow.
B
Fledgling warrior of acceptance
I sometimes think of myself as a “fledgling warrior of acceptance”.
Why “warrior?” Because unconditional acceptance is so damn hard!
Why “fledgling?”, because I’m not very good at it!
True acceptance is to acknowledge the facts of the world as they are and to interact gracefully with the demands of the present moment, whether you like the way things are right now or not. This involves confronting uncomfortable truths. For instance, it could mean we are willing to experience feelings of sadness and allow the unhappy feeling to exist for the time it takes to pass through our heart. Rather than attempting to escape from uncomfortable emotions—and getting stuck in our resistance—we accept all feelings with self-compassion.
This kind of heroic acceptance is just an acknowledgement of reality as it is—not as we wish it were, not as we think it should be, but as it is in the present moment, including potentially disappointing aspects. It takes commitment and courage, but when applied correctly, this warrior skill removes the added tension that comes with judging (and resisting) a reality as good or bad, right or wrong.
It allows us to redirect our energies to access resources—inner and outer—and be more creative. Acceptance helps us clarify our goals, given the current circumstances, rather than dwelling on“shoulds” or “if-onlys.”
B
