Ari Bach's Blog, page 86
May 13, 2016
May 12, 2016
May 10, 2016
Nintendo Releases Full Details Of New "NX" System!
“NX” simply means Nintendo X, the letter after W, which was associated with the Wii.
The New System will use cartridges instead of discs, offering games with up to 2 terabytes of information.
The NX processor is a 512-bit “Mocha Latte Frappuccino” processor, capable of processing more bytes than there are atoms in the universe.
The NX is a virtual reality compatible system, which features lightweight glasses about the same size as modern 3D movie glasses. Each eye will have 8K resolution with a high dynamic range, capable of 72 frames per second.
Release games will include the new Legend of Zelda, the new Metroid, the new Super Mario Bros., Yoshi’s Island NX, and the new Pong game, which is said to feature no notable differences from the classic game but is included for sentimental value.
The NX will feature bio-sensitive contacts instead of a traditional controller. The new means of control will be through electrodes attached to the forehead. The electrode contacts will secrete a paralytic fluid that renders the player immobile and transfers their nerve impulses to the character within the game, thus controlling it as one would their own body. Due to the paralysis, Nintendo is including special diapers and drool-suction-hoses to keep players clean from their own uncontrolled bodily fluids.
The NX will allow you to surf the internet in a new way: The MiiNet. The MiiNet allows you to wander any site in VR format, and interact with other users as you would with people in the real world. This includes the ability to play MiiSports, trade and fight Pokémon in person, and for users over 21 years of age, participate in the new Nintendorgasm Sexual Simulation Network, in which participants can engage in digital sexual acts previously inconceivable to humankind with other users or virtual characters, including most popular Nintendo characters and for some reason, the likeness of Frederick William III, king of Prussia from 1797–1840. Though Frederick William III is well known for his attempts to unify the Protestant churches and homogenize their liturgy, Nintendo have not commented on why they think players would want to have kinky digital sex with his likeness.
The NX will be available in black, white, or green in a special “Yoshi NX” edition!
Do you realize how amazing it is to post a joke and see people reply with references to your own books?
THE VALHALLA TRILOGY BY ARI BACH!!!
Action! Comedy! Science Fiction! A giant mutant walrus named Umberto!
I heard rumours about Nintendo launching a new IP with the project name Gullinkambi. Any light you can shed on this?
Fun actual fact- The appearance of Gullinkambi in the book as a blue rooster is a reference to Cojiro from Ocarina of Time.
May 8, 2016
cjhasshaggyhair:Thanks to me your amazing book series I get a...
Thanks to me your amazing book series I get a lot of these on my dash
I get these too :/
May 4, 2016
"‘Go now,’ he said,‘before you make cry in front of my walrus.’"
- Gudsriki p.140 (the character who said this is a serial killer and gang boss)
May 3, 2016
Vibeke: Give us the gate key.
Ulver soldier: I have no gate key.
Vibeke: Nel, tear his arms off.
Ulver soldier: Oh, you mean THIS gate key.
May 2, 2016
sky-fi-fangirl:
Undercover Valknut!
My school’s prom is coming...
Undercover Valknut!
My school’s prom is coming up soon and the theme is “fire and ice” and i thought, hey! I know two characters who are associated with fire and ice! And from there it just kinda … turned into one half of V Team dressing up and the other half keeping an eye on them from above.
Veikko is way too proud of that loud tux. Vibeke wishes she wasn’t wearing this frankly impractical outfit. Violet thinks Vibs looks amazing. And Varg wonders why he can’t be down there dancing.
There’s seriously no limit to the kinds of fan art I get to see. I’d never have expected this one in a million years but it makes me very happy to see it! Well done!
Turning Page | An Interview with Ari Bach
The author of the acclaimed Valhalla series on the creative process, navigating LGBTQ tropes, and writing from the deepest places.
The interview is live!
This is an awesome interview and one of the deepest yet. I highly recommend it for people who have read the novel, especially those who are curious about how the novel deals with LGBT tropes and certain severely negative happenings between its two lead characters.
THIS INTERVIEW CONTAINS MASSIVE FULL SPOILERS!!!
