Mary Flanagan Gleason's Blog, page 6

My Hollywood Life: Two Weddings and a Funeral

It is often said that two things in life bring out the best and worst in families: weddings and funerals.

Our son has just married, our youngest daughter is engaged, and my mother���s memorial service is coming up next month. It seems I have every right to feel a million different ways and be running in a million different directions, spewing irrationally.

But not once have I felt the need to do so. So far, my friends and family have shown me only support, kindness, and a spirit of kinship. We have all behaved so well and in authentic ways.

How lucky I am!

Sometimes, I wonder why that is, and it comes down to communication. As much as these are heartfelt moments, the throat chakra has helped us navigate the emotional times. Expectations expressed in advance make a world of difference.

My mother was very specific about what she did and did not want���there was nothing to argue over. My son and daughter-in-law were clear about how they saw their big day going. My daughter is excited to plan with input from others in certain areas.

Consider where you have expressed your expectations and what you might know of others’ expectations. Then, take action to fill in the gaps. Ask others what they might want in different circumstances. What would they see as supportive? Express what you would like to happen if you were in that situation. Share with as many others as might be impacted by this decision. Then you will know the best way to show up when it comes to decision time.

Thank you to everyone who has expressed their shared joy and condolences. You are the best!

Mary

Retirement is��� not having to run yellow lights

What���s the hurry?

Being punctual because that is what you value? Missing one minute of a meeting? Five minutes late picking up the kids?

I cringe when I think of all the times I ran through a changing light feeling victorious. What was on the other side of that intersection that was so important it was worth risking my life or that of another?

Nothing.

Better to show up a little late than never at all.

Why wait until retirement to find the peace in slowing down even for one traffic light cycle? You can do it now. Today. Honest. Life will go on.

And when you do go on to your destination, you will arrive calmer, less frazzled, more thoughtful.

When I am stuck in my car trying to make it to a destination on time, I offer up this prayer:

Thank you, Spirit, for helping us all to arrive on time, to open minds, loving hearts, and helping hands. I trust I am always where I am supposed to be.

The calm begins immediately.

You don���t even have to believe it. Just say it anyway.

Need help slowing down? Try imagining the worst that can happen, then ask yourself if it truly is the worst.

Travel safely,

Mary

The Gift of Clear Communication

One of the best gifts Mom gave her children was certain knowledge of what she did and did not want as she grew older.

Mom was clear:

Never let me live with you; it’s too hard on families.

Take my car keys when I am a threat to others. I won���t like it. Do it anyway.

No ridiculous life support measures when I’m old. I’ll want to live, but I won’t want extreme measures and a prolonged sense of false hope.

I will insist on staying in my home, but you will know better than I when it is time for me to go elsewhere. I won���t like it. Do it anyway.

My burial plot, headstone, and cremation are paid for, no viewing of the body. Here is a copy of my will and finances.

Over the last four years, there has never been a moment of disagreement on what my siblings and I should do because we have known forever what was expected. It was both verbally expressed and documented in writing.

The gift of clear communication and expectations is beyond measure. What could have been a much more difficult struggle among us was one of unity and acceptance.

The benefits of this kind of communication don’t need to be reserved for end-of-life decisions. Be true to yourself and kind to your loved ones by clearly communicating your feelings, wishes, hopes, and especially your decisions. They can then decide how they wish to respond.

Keeping them guessing or preferring to avoid an uncomfortable conversation is a great way to cause disharmony.

What is it you want to communicate? What���s holding you back?

Mary

What’s your story?

We all have stories about what happened to us, who our personal heroes are, and, of course, who the villains are.

As the runt of the litter in a borderline neighborhood, I was a tough kid in many ways (mostly with my sassy mouth since my physical stature was less than adequate), but that way of survival didn’t work for me when I joined the workforce. Less bravado, more compliance got me a lot further. My story had to change from posturing for basic survival to recognizing I was physically safe.

Then there are the deeper stories we cling to:

 ���Well, that���s just how I was raised.���

“I���ve always been the outsider.���

 ���My mother never loved me.���

Stories need to be questioned and reconsidered from every perspective, including your understanding of others who were involved. Yet, we tend not to question our stories until they no longer serve us, until they no longer produce the results they once did, until they begin to work against us.

 This process of reevaluation is not a sign of weakness, but a powerful act of self-empowerment.

Imagine a tool that can help you question and reconsider your stories, offering a new perspective and a fresh start. That’s where hypnotherapy comes in. It’s a powerful tool for growth and change, and it’s waiting for you to explore.

I provide a calm and confidential environment that allows you to safely explore new perspectives, derive new meanings, and cultivate empathy and forgiveness for yourself and others. This secure space is a game-changer for those who need a new way of being.

 If you’re feeling like your story isn’t working anymore, I’m here to help. Let’s set up a discovery call to see if hypnosis is something you’re ready to explore.

Mary

Heart is Where the Home Is

Over the past few weeks, I have dreamed almost nightly of going to every place my mother ever lived, looking for her, only to remember she doesn���t live there anymore.

I know it is my subconscious expressing my sense of losing home when I lost Mom. It wasn���t where she lived; it was that she lived. She was my touchstone.

In all this processing, though, it has led me back to my heart, where every other spiritual journey has led (grief is most definitely a spiritual journey.) Yup, I looked inside, and Mom is right there, living on, bringing me encouragement and reminding me of her stellar example. She���s in my mind when I am questioning myself, and God knows, she���s in my mirror! I see her face, expressions, and discerning eyes looking back at me every day.

This is when my spiritual journey brings me comfort.

Years ago, I could not have been this calm about losing a parent. I wasn���t when my father passed almost 29 years ago. It took forever for me to realize he wasn���t nearly as gone as I had feared. He, too, remains close in my heart and encourages me from beyond (but thank goodness he���s not in my mirror.) As a medium, I, of course, visit with them. Still, the memories and foundation my parents provided stand out for me daily. Their presence, though not physical, is a constant source of encouragement. This journey has taught me that our loved ones never truly leave us, and that realization has brought me a sense of calm and peace that I never thought possible.

My quest has brought me to redefine what it means to be home and at home in my very soul.

Where do you find home? Where do those who you have loved live within you? How can you strengthen that bond? For me, it is constantly conversing with them, remaining silent so I can hear their responses. And they always answer.

Mary

Brace Yourself!?

Brace yourself! Here it comes…

Bracing yourself does little to prevent whatever it is and can offer harmful resistance.

It’s good to brace our abs when exercising and our backs when lifting. But should we brace ourselves against all impacts?

In tornados, rooftops and trees fly away because the wind meets with resistance and lifts them as if their rootedness were a lever.

Many years ago, I knew of a woman who was in a car crash with her son. He was driving when they realized they were about to get T-boned. He had minimal injuries, while she was critically injured. The main difference was that he let go of the steering wheel when he realized that impact was coming while she braced herself against the dashboard (pre-airbag). The impact wave passed through him while it traveled up her arms, shattering her arm bones.

In a self-defense course I took years ago, the instructor had us visualize letting go of our purses rather than resisting them being snatched. She told us that that is how victims get hurt. Let go of the purse, and let that be your maximum injury.

Emotional impacts can act similarly. When you brace yourself for bad news or disappointment, it ricochets through your entire body, attacking your nervous system, putting you on edge, shattering expectations, illusions, dreams.

When you let go and allow the energetic wave to pass through you, you recognize that it doesn’t need to shatter you, regardless of what happens. When bracing oneself becomes resistance, it can do more harm than good.

Do brace yourself at the gym. Otherwise, let go and allow life’s challenges to pass through with minimal damage.

Mary

Final Lessons

Even in our final days, we may have one final lesson to learn. For Mom, it���s acceptance.

How can we know when it is time to accept something and when there is still time to change things for a different outcome?

Hint: when your 92-year-old body no longer works, and there is nothing left to treat or rehab, it is time to accept that you are dying. Unless, of course, you are my mother. In that case, you resist and drive your loved ones to exhaustion.

Yet this level of denial has been vital to Mom’s lifetime of success.

 The word ���can���t��� was accepted as a challenge���a throwing down of the gauntlet. ���I will have a career and be a good mother and wife, and I will get two college degrees. I will travel throughout Europe and Asia even if my husband doesn���t want to go.���

And so she did despite a limited budget, cultural norms, and societal expectations to the contrary.

It has served her well��� Until now.

Now, entering day nine (as of this writing), lack of acceptance is holding her back. Never did I imagine having to tell my mother it is time for her to go. But, alas, that is what we (my brothers and I) keep telling her. It has become a friendly conversation with the hospice staff. They tell us that generally, those who enter active dying (a hospice definition) and continue this long without food and water are those with some meat on their bones. Mom weighs 85 lbs. There is no meat.

Her sheer lack of acceptance is keeping her here, believing she will get better because, dagnabit, she is going to live to be 100. ���This wasn���t in the plan.���

Woman plans, God laughs.

We are all this powerful. We are also powerful enough to accept what we cannot change if we so choose. And we are never done learning.

Peace,

Mary

Happy Interdependence Day

As a kid, I couldn’t wait to be “free!”

I am still waiting. I thought being free meant no responsibilities, no rules, could set my own curfew.

It turns out there is no such thing as freedom. Yes, I can set my own curfew, but at this stage in my life, I am usually home before the streetlights come on.

I learned freedom comes with significant amounts of responsibility and accountability to others.

Even our so-called free will comes with a responsibility to ourselves, our morals, and our code of honor. Free will says that you must first be true to yourself. What can you live with? What can’t you accept for yourself? You are still not free from parameters, rules, and obligations.

As we head off into the great Fourth of July celebrations, celebrating our freedom, we must do so responsibly and respectfully. Choose wisely and live courageously while you celebrate your interdependence.

Mary

���Oh, Shit!���

– ��Sr. Benedict, fifth-grade teacher

Salvation is found in the darnedest places, at the darnedest times. And, often, when you didn���t even know you needed it.

Growing up in Catholic schools for twelve years, we heard an awful lot about things that can damage our relationship with God and our chances of getting into heaven. The stuff we heard about salvation came at a high cost (at least in my opinion) and often involved perfection.

But, one day in fifth grade, I stayed after school and heard the distinct sound of supplies spilling from the supply cabinet and hitting the cloakroom floor. Then I heard Sr. Benedict impart words my nervous soul so needed to hear: ���Oh, shit!���

It was a turning point for me. It was permission to be imperfect. If all nuns go to heaven (as they reassured us was true), and this one swears, there is hope for me.

Simple, straightforward, and life-saving���all in two little words uttered by a nun.

It’s funny where we find salvation, and it’s funny the release it brought me. I believe Spirit worked it for me to be after school that day so I could hear those words.

Where have you found salvation? How has it shown up for you? Perhaps you received an apology you thought you would never get or somehow found closure in an unexpected way.

I have had the honor of working with clients, especially those nearing the end of life, who call wanting closure around earthly issues with current or passed loved ones. It is incredible how we were able to find it together.

If this sounds like something you want to know more about, please schedule a discovery call and see how we can work together.

You are already saved,

Mary

messages of support

Thank you for all the many messages of support. It warms my heart.

At the risk of you clicking off, I have one more observation to share with you.

Mom is firmly in the first stage of grief (denial.) She believes she is going to get better. At the risk of being a buzz kill, I had to tell her that wasn���t likely.

What I actually said was that her body has served her well and it is tired. That she can continue to live but not in this body. She said she would ���think about it.��� Just planting seeds for her to consider.

Speaking of planting seeds, Mom has a beautiful potted ivy on her windowsill. It belonged to her mother who passed away in 1976. Many plants have since started from this single source. The grandchildren have all taken clippings for their windowsills. My mother asked to be buried with the plant, to which we agreed, but recently, my grandmother came through to me saying she wants it to stay above ground and continue to live. So, instead, I will send some clippings with Mom and keep the plant.

When it is time, my first act will be to provide new potting soil for this tireless and prolific giver.

I���m pretty sure it is the original potting soil or darn near close, yet the plant has thrived. Like my mother���s body, the soil has defied all physical logic and continues to sustain itself. Mom���s body is also depleted, but through sheer will, she is still with us���just like grandma’s ivy.

Here is my takeaway: Never underestimate Spirit���s ability to nourish you.

Mary