Mary Flanagan Gleason's Blog, page 4

You’re Not Broke

Bones break, and then they mend. Hearts break, and then they get stronger.

Souls never break. They have experiences and collect information that informs their ongoing journey.

You are whole and complete. Pieces of you may be out of alignment or learning overwhelming lessons, but you are not broken.

I really get nauseous with that whole Jerry-Maguire-You-Complete-Me nonsense. Another person may complement your skills or bring new insights and refreshing ways of looking at the world, but you never were and will never be incomplete.

What you may be feeling is somehow alone in your situation. That’s different. For that, there is support. Regardless of the problem, there are others who can relate, advise, comfort, and have survived the very thing. Your goal is to ask for help and accept it.

As a hypnotherapist, I work with individuals on what is called soul retrieval. That sounds a bit esoteric, but it’s not. If you feel like you lost your confidence, then you can go get it. If you think you are not loveable, let’s correct that. There are many approaches to this. Mine is to help the client find what they seek from within with hypnosis. Some go to a shaman and have them travel with them or on their behalf. There are many ways to do this, but all are based on the knowledge that your soul is whole.

Every soul, your soul, was conceived in wholeness. We misplace elements of it from time to time. Other pieces we may not need to call on, but it is there, always.

Do you feel broken? Incomplete? That something about you is lacking? Let���s talk. Chances are you just misplaced it, and together, we can find it.

Mary

BE KIND

Regardless of where you stand on the current state of our country, our work remains the same. 

Be kind.

Ram Dass reminds us, ���Whether this is the first day of the Apocalypse or the first day of the Golden Age, the work remains the same���to love each other and ease as much suffering as possible.���

In my attempts to be kinder, I have decided to stop flipping off the elderly man who dresses like Uncle Sam, waving Trump and God signs every weekend on a busy corner in my town. Baby steps. It is a small thing, but negative actions have a ripple effect. If I were to say anything to him, it would be to please remove his folding chair from the slanted curb to allow others ease of access. 

Greater acts of kindness also need my attention, and I work hard to enact them, too. There are no doubt others flipping me off for a myriad of perceived offenses, but they are none of my business.

My neighbors are split on current affairs, and still, they are all souls. I do not have to cater to any one school of thought or go out of my way to befriend them. Just be kind. Even if it is to politely say, ���I disagree.���

It’s more challenging sometimes than one might think, especially for those we love most. And yet, it���s doable. Deep breathing helps.

Lately, my clients have asked how best to handle their feelings of despair and anger. Of betrayal and an uncertain future. This is what I tell them: Be kind.

If you’re frustrated by this approach or any of those feelings mentioned above for any reason, remember that it is possible to be true to your feelings and be kind to others.

I am here for you. 

Respectfully, 

Mary

Can you see the stars?

���But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”
�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is so hard to remember to look up when you are feeling down.

Some say that Dr. King knew he was going to die shortly when he made that speech. Still, he could see the stars. He remembered to look up and out at the audience, counting them among his blessings and certain that the work would continue.

We do not need to martyr ourselves to take comfort in his statement. Darkness can creep in or arrive in what feels like a collision with a semi.

I remember years ago, during a profound bout of reactionary depression, when the world held no joy. I could feel myself shrink both physically and spiritually, feeling a deep sense of happiness for my then nine-year-old daughter’s victory in a muffin baking contest. It was as if someone opened the door just a crack, and the light began to trickle in. At that moment, I knew the sun would rise again, if not completely in that moment. My daughter was my star on an otherwise dark night. My hope to feel something other than the heaviest weight imaginable was restored. Levity. Looking up. Finding the star.

No matter where you are or the situation, there is a star. You just have to look up. Search the sky until you find it. It���s there. I promise.

Having trouble finding your star? Let���s consult your guides. I���m here for you.

Mary

wHEN tHE fIRST sTEP iS tOO bIG

Read a great article in the NY Times about 35 simple things to do for better overall health. My favorite is “If something feels too hard to do, it just means that the first step isn���t small enough.���  Like trying to cross a river in one leap.

It can apply to emotions, too. Maybe you’re working on forgiveness for yourself or another. Break it down. Write about it until you find the first word you know to be true. It may be the hardest word of all: apologize. To offer an apology requires a whole lot of courage and a right-sizing of ego. You must get through the part where your actions were justified. Keep going. Make the first step as small as possible. Step one: say I���m sorry.

The same can be done for a project at work or around the house. Start backward from the outcome until the smallest piece is doable. Having to clean the house is too big for me. If I say, I’ll start with the bathroom sinks. Then toilet. Then countertop. Then mirrors. Floor and garbage. Done. Then, I give myself a ten-minute interlude to think about something else. Then next room. (And I almost always save the kitchen for when General Hospital is on. It is not a smaller step, but it does pair compatible with incompatible.)

Remember, you don���t have to like the first step. You just need to make it small enough that you can���t talk yourself out of it. Like apologizing or, heaven forbid, asking for help.

Give it a try. Let me know how it works for you.

Mary

P.S. I included a link to the article with many great tips, but it is behind a paywall. I apologize if you cannot view it.

When Not to Be of Service

I am near completion of part two of my shamanic death doula training. Similar to a birthing doula who helps bring babies into this world, a death doula assists those leaving this life to find comfort and ease with their soul���s passing. 

Much of what I am learning is what I learned as a hypnotherapist and through my work as a psychic medium. Still, this program has some gems, many of which are just good advice for daily living. One such gem was the section on caregiving for the caregiver. 

It is wonderful to be of service, but like everything else in life, boundaries are essential. On more than one occasion, when I was caring for my mother, I just snapped from the stress and strain. I knew then I needed to tap out, ask for help, or say, “No, I can’t do that now.” In fact, I should have done it sooner than I did���before the snap.

Below are the questions we are encouraged to ask ourselves before attending to another���s needs. I can see them being applied in many situations, like with my mom or when confronted with one more volunteer request, so I share them here.

���    How do I feel at this moment?
���    Can I handle this emotionally? (I would add spiritually, mentally, physically.)
���    Am I doing this for the right reasons? (Do I feel called or compelled?) 
���    How will I feel after accomplishing this? (Satisfied? Drained? Used?)
���    How might this affect myself and other relationships? Will it strain or damage connections? (How do my emotions shift when considering this request?)
���    Is this way of helping and supporting in harmony with my true self and overall well-being the highest good? (Can someone else do it, or am I the only resource?)

Those last two questions are real zingers. How do I serve my highest good when I am stressed and feeling pulled in a direction that does not serve me? If I do overreach, how am I really helping anyone else? Remember, you bring your energy with you, which could add harm to the situation.

The bottom line for caregivers is to remember to be human, accept your limitations, and, believe it or not, be of even greater service to others.

Mary

The words are flowing!

So many excellent responses from last week���s missive about choosing your word for 2025. Thank you!

My word is flow. Others chose peace, no drama, f*ck no, simplify, commit, and pivot.

Now comes the tricky part: remembering to consult your word for daily guidance for the next full year. Where will you post your word to remind you? May I suggest next to your computer, your bathroom mirror, on the cover of your journal, the car dashboard?

Not every form of resistance I encounter is going to be mental or even spiritual. Like my blue jeans. I���m trading skinny jeans for a fuller leg. The goal is to make it easier to bend and stretch to ease the flow in daily life.

Where will you find greater peace, less drama, the ability to say no, etc.? Let it surprise you.

Engage with people who allow you to feel what you seek. Walk away from other people or situations that leave you feeling depleted, complicated, unable to pivot. I realize it may be more difficult in some situations than others, but it is not impossible. You may need to ask for and accept help. You may need to walk away entirely. You may even need to open different doors to find what you seek.

This is your year to find what you most need.

Carpe annum!

Mary

Flow

Moving to a new city and state two years ago, I first wanted to connect. Last year, I looked for opportunity.

For the coming year, my word is flow: find it, stay in it, go with it.

That means I must surround myself with the word (think post-its) and pay attention to when I feel resistance.

What will your word be? How will you let it guide you for the next twelve months?

I would love to hear what you chose.

In the meantime, let’s stay in the present moment with gratitude for surviving another year and another holiday season and find the good in all of it.

Mary

Yes sir, that���s my baby���

In hypnotherapy, there is a point where the client is encouraged to find a gift waiting for them that will support them on their journey. Every client finds it, and it is rarely what you would expect: a rock, cane, flashlight, candle, tree, butterfly, grandmother’s ring, etc. That gift then becomes their symbol of empowerment. It always has meaning, even if it is not apparent at first.

Lately, I have been using the image of carrying a baby in a front pouch when it comes to eating. Of course, the baby is me. The image of me feeding the baby things that are not good for her helps me avoid sugars, too many carbs, and even that second glass of beer. If it’s not good for my baby, it’s not good for me.

Make sense?

One client told me she didn’t see any gift, just a beautiful pink balloon. When I said that just might be it, she was reluctant to accept it because ���it didn���t make sense.��� Later she discovered its meaning and was happy for the image.

The nice thing is that you don���t have to be in a trance to envision a gift from your spirit guides. Just sit quietly and ask to be shown a gift or a symbol to guide you. When something appears, don���t question it.

Sit with it for a few minutes and ask it to show how it can help you now. Then imagine putting it in your pocket (no matter how big, it will always fit in your pocket. After all, it is not a tangible gift.)

Give it a try. I would love to hear about your experiences with this exercise!

Time to pamper the baby,

Mary

Be Gentle with Yourself

The sweets, the drinks, the spending���it’s all part of the holiday season, equal parts fun and temptation. If you���re working to avoid some of these things, it may be helpful to note that willpower is a sure route to failure.

Willpower requires a constant focus on doing or not doing something, thereby keeping you in a permanent state of fighting. You will become exhausted, leading to failure, guilt, and shame.

There are ways to overcome the need to stay within certain limits.

Set up a system of rewards. Avoiding certain foods or habits, even for a few hours, deserves a good book and a hot bath at the end of the day.
��Let go of perfection. You may slip up. It���s okay. Try again.
Focusing on what you wish to avoid 24/7 will only bring you closer to it. Instead, focus on what you wish to achieve and slowly build toward��it.
��You deserve respect. Never shame yourself. Change the record playing in your head. Not working? Turn up the music.
��Hard to do? Ask for help. Hypnotherapy is a great way to help you internalize the version of you you���re working towards with greater ease and success.��

The holidays are filled with temptations and good cheer. Feed the good cheer side of the equation. Set up a discovery call using the link below and see how hypnotherapy may be a wonderful gift to give to yourself.

Cheers!

Mary

Holidays: Prevent a Season of Disappointment

The holidays are upon us, the prime season for disappointment from unmet expectations.

Didn’t get the gift you hoped for?

Didn���t get the reaction you imagined for a gift you gave?

This second one is sometimes the hardest for me. I have learned that what I want to give is separate from what another wants to receive. To be truly generous, I have to want what makes them happy rather than what I want them to be happy with. (Of course, if it is within my ability to give.)

This year, give yourself the gift of clear communication for those on your list. What would they like? Ask for more details. Let them know if that isn’t possible.

Tell them what you would like. Be specific.

Take the ego out of giving and receiving. Be brave enough to ask what you wish for and ask others to share the same with you.

Maybe you can���t avoid all disappointments, but you can limit the possibility if you communicate.

 Happiest of holidays ahead,

Mary