Andrew Moore's Blog, page 79
August 7, 2023
The Ramifications of Cycles
Once a king heard the complaints of his subjects about disease and the spoilage of food. He wielded his royal might against the mosquitoes, the fleas, the rats, the foxes, and all the vermin in his kingdom. He hired hunters, drained marshes, built raised storehouses, and encouraged improved hygiene through a system of public baths. Everything that money and will could do, he did, and the subjects praised him greatly.
One day he had a dream. He was among the grasses, and they were taller than he, and when he met a mouse it was horse-sized, and all the insects and other pests that gathered around were large. Even stranger, they spoke.
"O king, our descendant, why do you persecute us? Do you not realize we are your ancestors, passing through the world again in these forms? What is a king without mercy, or what is benevolence that ignores the low as well as the high?"
This shocked the king. "You were once human? How can this be?"
"O king, all must pass through the forms he has earned. It is the same for you. You were a lion before, o king, and will be again, and many other animals."
The king bowed to them so low that his head hit the earth. "My ancestors, I honor you. But I ask, what of you? Why do you make my subjects ill and more hungry than their labor deserves?"
"Well," they said, "we are vermin, after all."
The king woke up, and from then on, he altered his policy. For every coin he spent before to battle the vermin, he spent two after.
Finis
One day he had a dream. He was among the grasses, and they were taller than he, and when he met a mouse it was horse-sized, and all the insects and other pests that gathered around were large. Even stranger, they spoke.
"O king, our descendant, why do you persecute us? Do you not realize we are your ancestors, passing through the world again in these forms? What is a king without mercy, or what is benevolence that ignores the low as well as the high?"
This shocked the king. "You were once human? How can this be?"
"O king, all must pass through the forms he has earned. It is the same for you. You were a lion before, o king, and will be again, and many other animals."
The king bowed to them so low that his head hit the earth. "My ancestors, I honor you. But I ask, what of you? Why do you make my subjects ill and more hungry than their labor deserves?"
"Well," they said, "we are vermin, after all."
The king woke up, and from then on, he altered his policy. For every coin he spent before to battle the vermin, he spent two after.
Finis
August 5, 2023
Generational Differences
These days, if you say someone "gave the door a rap," people will think it means something totally different! They'll think the door is being framed! Which was done earlier or else it wouldn't function as a door! They'll be confused!
Moon Question
Would the terrestrial emperor live on the planet or the moon? I think the planet because of a greater ability to control important resources, but maybe the moon's moon iron is important enough to offset that.
August 4, 2023
Series Planning
When you're plotting out your thrillogy, make sure the second part is written in a smaller typeface so people are fooled into thinking it won't be long and boring (it is though). Then, in the third part, ACTION and at the end EVERYONE DIES including THE READER because of INTENSE EXCITEMENT.
August 3, 2023
Joke Corner
A sturgeon moon? Sounds kind of fishy to me! Blue moon? I'd be blue if everybody kept calling me a sturgeon! Super moon? Well I'm super duper with a big tuper.
August 1, 2023
Addendum
A stairway is the simplest method, but don't forget the rowboat, the elevator, or the high-angle catapult. Then there are more esoteric methods such as the Lunacy Mist or a powerful wish.
The March of Fads
Grummy: Statues with jewels for teeth
Yummy: Easy transit between the surface and the moon
Yummy: Easy transit between the surface and the moon
July 30, 2023
The Grim Gramble
All was decadence and dancing in the palace when the Grim Gramble came to ruin the fun. The footmen tried to throw it out but were thrown out themselves. The head butler was buffeted hard. The stiff doors were revealed as primarily ornamental.
"I am the Grim Gramble," the thing declared as it moved to pacify the ballroom. The barons took up arms, the counts saddled up indoors though they were, and the dukes prepared themselves in every way to defend their significant privileges, but it was too much for them.
"The Grim Gramble is the grummiest," all wailed. "We cannot by any means withstand it."
"You're slow to learn," the thing told them, "but at last you know. I am the Grim Gramble, and I will have what is promised."
"We promised you nothing!" So cried the dukes, who kept track of that sort of thing.
"Did I say promised to me? I am the Grim Gramble, and if something is owed and not claimed, I will have it."
Hearing that, the nobles fled the palace all the way to a small estate where the master himself labored. They begged Edwin to take the throne after all, for they regretted what they had done.
Edwin listened and marched on back. When he stated his claim, the Grim Gramble lost its strength to resist and had a beating such as no more than a few deserve. Then Edwin became a king who ruled with less trouble than most, for the fractious nobles remembered the Grim Gramble, for one generation at least.
Finis
"I am the Grim Gramble," the thing declared as it moved to pacify the ballroom. The barons took up arms, the counts saddled up indoors though they were, and the dukes prepared themselves in every way to defend their significant privileges, but it was too much for them.
"The Grim Gramble is the grummiest," all wailed. "We cannot by any means withstand it."
"You're slow to learn," the thing told them, "but at last you know. I am the Grim Gramble, and I will have what is promised."
"We promised you nothing!" So cried the dukes, who kept track of that sort of thing.
"Did I say promised to me? I am the Grim Gramble, and if something is owed and not claimed, I will have it."
Hearing that, the nobles fled the palace all the way to a small estate where the master himself labored. They begged Edwin to take the throne after all, for they regretted what they had done.
Edwin listened and marched on back. When he stated his claim, the Grim Gramble lost its strength to resist and had a beating such as no more than a few deserve. Then Edwin became a king who ruled with less trouble than most, for the fractious nobles remembered the Grim Gramble, for one generation at least.
Finis
Fate Grand Order Anniversary!
Hoo boy! That was something, huh? I'm not sure it actually was, but you know how it is. I don't though.
July 29, 2023
The Future of Audiobooks
Soon every audiobook will be read by a digital recreation of Jack Benny, and future people won't understand why it was ever different.
