Andrew Moore's Blog, page 80
July 28, 2023
Further Speculation in the Technology of LIterature
Books will never catch up with movies until we can have the cast dance at the end. Unfortunately, it seems our most promising minds have given up.
July 27, 2023
Addendum
A horn should go off if they try to bypass the lock so that everyone knows they're page pirates.
July 25, 2023
The Effect of Technology on Literature
Is there some way yet to make readers pass a quiz on the book before they can advance to the next page? Those jerks have had it too good for too long.
Worldbuilding Reminder
When you want to put in a samurai, ninja, camel knight, or something else in your setting but are worried it won't fit, stop being dumb and slap it in there. Who's the boss in this relationship? Are you going to let a setting push you around? Who's writing whom here, huh?
July 23, 2023
The Qualifications of Officials
Local knowledge of the Eternal Whirlpool should not have been necessary for anyone to stay away. And yet, one day townsfolk on the north shore and townsfolk on the south, two different towns, saw a boat rowing far too close to it.
"Hey! It's dangerous! Hey!" The southerners called out, grabbed ropes, and sailed as close as they dared. "Jump out! Swim over here! We'll haul you in!" But the northerners simply watched.
The lone man in the boat went against the warnings, ignored the stars, and thought nothing of the whirling waters. He rowed straight forward till the force of the Eternal Whirlpool made it impossible to do anything without curving. Down he spun, and then he was gone.
The southerners cried and wondered what had led up to the loss of life while the northerners looked as if they knew, as if the same idea had occurred to them. Either way, there was nothing to be done.
Three weeks later, eternity abandoned the whirlpool. It straightened out and became as predictable as any watery way governed by currents and tides. Strangeness remained above it, for a man stood there as if on land, the Spiral Crown on his head. He called the townsfolk and all heard him regardless of distance.
"I have recovered the Spiral Crown and restored with it the epoch of hero-kings. This will be my capital, both towns together. Those in the south, who attempted to aid me, will become the rulers of counties, and may your benevolence be an aid to the world. Those in the north, who trusted me, will become the judges, the treasurers, and the generals, and may your stolidity be a bulwark against the world." And all was done as he said.
Finis
"Hey! It's dangerous! Hey!" The southerners called out, grabbed ropes, and sailed as close as they dared. "Jump out! Swim over here! We'll haul you in!" But the northerners simply watched.
The lone man in the boat went against the warnings, ignored the stars, and thought nothing of the whirling waters. He rowed straight forward till the force of the Eternal Whirlpool made it impossible to do anything without curving. Down he spun, and then he was gone.
The southerners cried and wondered what had led up to the loss of life while the northerners looked as if they knew, as if the same idea had occurred to them. Either way, there was nothing to be done.
Three weeks later, eternity abandoned the whirlpool. It straightened out and became as predictable as any watery way governed by currents and tides. Strangeness remained above it, for a man stood there as if on land, the Spiral Crown on his head. He called the townsfolk and all heard him regardless of distance.
"I have recovered the Spiral Crown and restored with it the epoch of hero-kings. This will be my capital, both towns together. Those in the south, who attempted to aid me, will become the rulers of counties, and may your benevolence be an aid to the world. Those in the north, who trusted me, will become the judges, the treasurers, and the generals, and may your stolidity be a bulwark against the world." And all was done as he said.
Finis
Addendum
Speaking of game shows, when do we replace the contestants with CGI versions of them that are better-looking? The contestant will still play and talk, but we won't have to look at the horror of an average person.
July 22, 2023
Discussion Corner
When another Wheel of Time TV show is produced in thirty years after we're all dead, should it be a game show? That's what the name would lead one to suspect, after all. A history-based quiz show? A bunch of challenges like stand on one leg for three minutes? An endurance battle of flames and scorpions? That'll probably be legal by then.
July 21, 2023
Punchline Corner
"Ramppunk? I thought you said stamppunk!"
Wait. Hold on. Mages casting spells from stamps. Maybe they turn into familiars, some of them wearing tophats. Hey! If you take my idea, give me a million dollars! At least!
Wait. Hold on. Mages casting spells from stamps. Maybe they turn into familiars, some of them wearing tophats. Hey! If you take my idea, give me a million dollars! At least!
July 19, 2023
Wheel of Time Season 2
I'm excited for all the wrong reasons! No emotion exists for me but spite! It's going to be great!
Redundant Subgenres
Someone tried to sell me on ramppunk, and I said, "At that point, just make it mummypunk." He did, and now he's a millionaire. Don't tell anyone your ideas outside of your memoirs.
