Andrew Moore's Blog, page 83

The Next Evolution of a Venerable Art

Riding dragons is pretty cool, but what if you played a card game while you did it?

An Age of War, an Age of Sport

The ball shot into the net. "Way to go, Zujarn! We're gonna smash those uptight snoblins tomorrow!" The rowdy goblins hooted and high-fived one another, but what was going on in the equipment tent into which a shadowy figure slipped?
The scrying mirror dimmed. "That's what the monsters are getting up to ever since we helped the hero defeat the Monster Kaiser who controlled all of them with his dark magic?" asked the warrior Breskam of his old colleague, Yesdo the sage.
"It seems so. I'm as surprised as you are."
"Hmph. At least they aren't getting up to any real trouble." Breskam crossed his mighty arms. "Do you want to keep watching? I do."
"I can't take my eyes off it," Yesdo admitted. "I worry for my future." Despite his worries, he again activated the scrying mirror.
Finis

Addendum

"Lord CHUMPSANY is at the bookstore again to buy an elf book . . . He doesn't know about [YOURBOOK]!!!" The lady at the counter looks bored and has a thought balloon saying, "I hope that guy who bought [YOURBOOK] comes back next month." Meanwhile, there's a swirly arrow pointing toward the guy's crotch and in crayon there's a message: "Looks like these tights aren't hiding much!"

Everyone Knows This but Nobody Does Anything About It

Novels won't become truly popular until they have a bunch of magazine ads that insult the reader and have people wearing sunglasses. Other authors and publishers must also be assaulted. The clumsier the innuendo the better.

How Do We Reimagine King Arthur for a New Generation?

A knight is out fighting, but then when the super-monster comes out, it flashes to Camelot where Arthur looks up and throws Excalibur all the way to the battle. The knight picks it up and wins. This happens most episodes, but there's a two-parter where Excalibur is stolen to name a sample exception

Addendum

Upon reflection, since he fights the Green Knight early, Gawain is probably the Red Knight. That clears that up, but I wish it hadn't been canceled. We never even got to see the invincible robot King Orknaurer.

Hopeless Sequels

When is Gawain going to fight the Red, Blue, Yellow, Pink, and Black Knights, anyway? Wait. Hold on. Is Gawain the villain?

Character Roster Warning

If you want your story to be turned into a live action movie or television series, don't put any kids in it. Not ones with lines, anyway.

An Empty Throne

A traveler once went off the road searching for shelter at an off-road cost, and there he discovered a seat that could only be called a throne for the size of it and the luxuriousness.
After looking around in every direction to reassure himself there was no enforcer of etiquette, he sat in it. Immediately a castle appeared around him, and servants, and guards who, far from removing him from the seat, asked what duchy he wanted punished. Expert musicians, and as for the food, that had no less skill put into it. Satiated, he stood up to take care of a sudden need.
His castle vanished. He looked around again, wondering where went his kingdom. Finding no sign of it, he stared at the throne and wondered at its power. That done, he went on his way, "For I am a traveler," as he said to himself.
Finis

The End of Yu-Gi-Oh

More like stink summoning!